Captain for a Day (or week)

[vanillanut]

Let me be clear. I. Love. Cruising. There are irritants, as outlined in a recent thread about what we HATE about cruising, but I still love it. So I got to thinking. My job involves lots of management - of people, resources, ideas. I'm not perfect but I try to listen to what my "customers" need.

 

So....If you were Master of the Vessel, (or Queen or King or whatever title moves you to play along) for a weeklong cruise - what would you insist upon?

 

My two lines in the sand are:

 

1. enforcing the pool rules (chair hogs and kids in adult areas etc)

2. making the "loyal cruisers" feel appreciated.

[BruceMuzz]

Let me be clear. I. Love. Cruising. There are irritants, as outlined in a recent thread about what we HATE about cruising, but I still love it. So I got to thinking. My job involves lots of management - of people, resources, ideas. I'm not perfect but I try to listen to what my "customers" need.

 

So....If you were Master of the Vessel, (or Queen or King or whatever title moves you to play along) for a weeklong cruise - what would you insist upon?

 

My two lines in the sand are:

 

1. enforcing the pool rules (chair hogs and kids in adult areas etc)

2. making the "loyal cruisers" feel appreciated.

 

Most cruise ship captains have a salary scheme that is based largely on several areas of performance of their vessel: Fuel costs, USPH Inspection scores, Guest ratings, Onboard revenues.

 

Who gives the highest ratings for the cruise? First time cruisers.

Who gives the lowest ratings for the cruise? Loyal cruisers.

 

Who spends the most money onboard? First time cruisers.

Who spends the least money onboard? Loyal cruisers.

 

Would you be willing to sacrifice 20% of your annual salary to make your frugal, complaining loyal cruisers feel appreciated?

Or would you blow them off, hoping they do not return, enjoy your job made easier by their absence, and increase your salary by 20%??

 

Please do not take this personally. This is the situation that most ship's management find themselves in. It is not our choice; the cruise line senior management has set the system up this way.

 

Enforcing rules about pools is - more than anything - a kindergarten subject that will never be resolved without barbed wire or stun guns. We are unfortunately marketing our product to a demographic that largely cannot behave themselves properly in public.

 

Every ship management person who has tried to solve this problem has been punched, spit at, personally threatened, had lies told about him in hopes of getting him fired, received low ratings from guests who did not like him enforcing the rules (thereby losing part of his salary), and generally abused for trying to follow the rules.

 

It's just not worth it.

[dorisis]

Stun guns!! Yes!

[MtnBikerFallDown]

Enforcing rules about pools is - more than anything - a kindergarten subject that will never be resolved without barbed wire or stun guns. We are unfortunately marketing our product to a demographic that largely cannot behave themselves properly in public.

.

 

OK! My first rule as Queen of the Ship for the Day.. STUN GUNS!!!!

 

You just switched tongs in the food on the buffet? ZAP!

Your unruly kid just hit all the buttons on the elevator? ZAP!

Chair hog? ZAP!

 

Oh, yeah, this is gonna be fun! :p:D

[Aquahound]

1. enforcing the pool rules (chair hogs and kids in adult areas etc)

2. making the "loyal cruisers" feel appreciated.

 

If I were a cruise ship Captain, neither of those would be of any major concern to me.

 

My lines in the sand would be:

 

1. You threaten, assault, or insult any member of my crew/staff, or commit a criminal act aboard my ship, you are GONE, and as far as I can push it, prosecuted!

 

2. If I say my ship gets underway at 5, we are underway at 5 (barring committed ship excursions, medical emergencies, etc, of course). Not 5:01. 5. You can't make it back to my ship on time because your balloon hat at Carlos and Charlies wasn't done yet, I hope you get some good pictures of my ship sailing away.

[donaldsc]

Stun guns!! Yes!

 

And tasers. And cattle prods. As a final response - whipping with a cat of 9 tails.

 

DON

[Lovely other]

1- a mute button, that mutes screaming kids and moaners

 

2 - and a device that detects if you've washed your hands in the bathrooms and zaps you on the way out if you haven't

 

 

need an inventor fast ....