How did my minor child get drunk on Ruby?

[baronessk]

Not having children, I was actually shocked to learn, while sharing a table at dinner on the last night of the Christmas cruise that one of my table mates had a 13 yr. old daughter in the teen club and their curfew was 3 AM!!! I never made it to 3 AM even at a sleep over when I was 13, so I have to wonder why a teen club would think 3 AM is a realistic curfew time?

[Blk_Amish]

[quote name='Loonbeam']One thing we don't know is how drunk the minor actually was. There is a difference between[COLOR="Red"][B] inebriated enough [/B][/COLOR]to be a jerk and so drunk they can't stand. If the latter, then yes a page is appropriate.

It's important to note that this is probably NOT the only incident like this during that particular voyage. As noted, its not uncommon for teens to get alcohol by a variety of means. If they paged for every incident, no one would sleep.[/QUOTE]

I am sorry but there is no 'enough'. They are under the influence there should be a way for parents to be notified as if they were ill. It's either about the safety or well being of the child or not. JMOP but there is no drunk enough when you weren't suppose to be drunk at all. Like inquiring how pregnant your teen is, a little or a lot pregnant. Well no need to worry if it's a little pregeant:eek: Edited January 4, 2014 by Blk_Amish

[Happy ks]

I've read most, not all, of this thread. I don't know how I would react as…my kids never put us in this type of situation. I'm not saying they're perfect, just never had a problem with either using drugs or alcohol in their teens (that we know about).

They are now both over 21, my daughter still doesn't drink and my son wisely stays the night at friends house if he drinks. I suppose I drove the message home when they were young, that or we just got real lucky (I remember what I used to do at 16 :eek:). My (adult) kids even text me when they are out and when they will return home (courtesy). They know what a worry wart I am, but they also know I just want to know they're OK.

I would probably go back and forth being angry at the kid, then the cruise line, then the teen club, plus the other kid(s) involved. It would take me a while to get over it. My guess is the OP will never know the full truth and all these posts are speculation as to what really happened. I also think I would come down hardest on my child, don't allow them to think others will take the blame for their choice in the situation.

[Loonbeam]

It's a matter of proportional response. Disrupting the operations of a ship on a regular basis because teens got their hands on alcohol is out of proportion to the actual risk of injury. If there is no significant risk of injury, notifying the parents and following up is a reasonable course of action. Or should they page the parents if a kid gets a splinter? Could be infected? Why not page a cabin mate if an adult has had too much to drink.

Also, you run the risk of Cry Wolf syndrome. If ship wide broadcasts are used for every situation, people tend to tune them out in the same way they do the CD announcements.

At a certain point, parents and guardians need to set expectations for their charges and deal with transgressions. The ship should only assume a position of in loco parentis in an actual emergency situation.

[quote name='Blk_Amish']I am sorry but there is no 'enough'. They are under the influence there should be a way for parents to be notified as if they were ill. It's either about the safety or well being of the child or not. JMOP but there is no drunk enough when you weren't suppose to be drunk at all. Like inquiring how pregnant your teen is, a little or a lot pregnant. Well no need to worry if it's a little pregeant:eek:[/quote]

[caitriona43]

I think the parents were really annoyed with the child for drinking in the first place.but the teen club rang the parents cabin to inform them about the child if they thought that the parents should be informed they should have made sure they made contact with the parents and not gave up until they did as I said before it could have been a different outcome .yes the minor was wrong shouldn't be drinking and in sure (hope) he's learned his lesson.

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[Blk_Amish]

[quote name='Happy ks']I've read most, not all, of this thread. I don't know how I would react as…my kids never put us in this type of situation. I'm not saying they're perfect, just never had a problem with either using drugs or alcohol in their teens (that we know about).

They are now both over 21, my daughter still doesn't drink and my son wisely stays the night at friends house if he drinks. I suppose I drove the message home when they were young, that or we just got real lucky (I remember what I used to do at 16 :eek:). My (adult) kids even text me when they are out and when they will return home (courtesy). They know what a worry wart I am, but they also know I just want to know they're OK.

I would probably go back and forth being angry at the kid, then the cruise line, then the teen club, plus the other kid(s) involved. It would take me a while to get over it. [COLOR="Red"][B] My guess is the OP will never know the full truth [/B][/COLOR]and all these posts are speculation as to what really happened. I also think I would come down hardest on my child, don't allow them to think others will take the blame for their choice in the situation.[/QUOTE]

I did when I questioned my teen. My kids know if we are having certain conversation with a certain tone, I have enough truth to bury them. Their only saving grace is coming clean. Frankly, if my kids didn't try certain things they wouldn't be mine, so my only bet is to be open, open, open and vigilant. According to my DD, turning 21 means doing legally what you have always done at 15.

[Blk_Amish]

[quote name='Loonbeam']It's a matter of proportional response. Disrupting the operations of a ship on a regular basis because teens got their hands on alcohol is out of proportion to the actual risk of injury. If there is no significant risk of injury, notifying the parents and following up is a reasonable course of action. Or should they page the parents if a kid gets a splinter? Could be infected? Why not page a cabin mate if an adult has had too much to drink.

Also, you run the risk of Cry Wolf syndrome. If ship wide broadcasts are used for every situation, people tend to tune them out in the same way they do the CD announcements.

At a certain point, parents and guardians need to set expectations for their charges and deal with transgressions. The ship should only assume a position of in loco parentis in an actual emergency situation.[/QUOTE]

Agreed but I still feel uncomfortable about a visually drunk teen being asked to leave. I can hardly make it down the stairs safely in 3" heels. For me a visually drunk teen is an emergency situation and the parents might be a few on here who thought, not my child. Mine are able and capable which is why I am vigilant. Edited January 4, 2014 by Blk_Amish

[LittleMissMagic]

[quote name='Happy ks']I would probably go back and forth being angry at the kid, then the cruise line, then the teen club, plus the other kid(s) involved. It would take me a while to get over it. [B]My guess is the OP will never know the full truth and all these posts are speculation as to what really happened[/B]. I also think I would come down hardest on my child, don't allow them to think others will take the blame for their choice in the situation.[/QUOTE]

If the OP wants to know the truth badly enough, I'm sure that in a few years, if you get enough drinks in them, it will all come out! :D

[LittleMissMagic]

[quote name='Blk_Amish']Agreed but I still feel uncomfortable about a visually drunk teen being asked to leave![/QUOTE]

Why? Should the visibly drunk teen stay in the teens club with the other teens? If an adult is too drunk in a bar, they are first asked to leave before being removed by security.

I think the teen got off easy, and the teen staff probably didn't mean any harm, but thought they were doing him a favor. What should've happened is that they contacted ship's security and had them contain him until his parents arrived to retrieve him (aka, "cruise jail"). If he was in the US, he could've been issued an MIP.

Mistakes happen. The important thing is that the OP's son is safe and has hopefully learned his lesson.... if not to not drink underage, then to at least be smart about it and not arrive at the teen club schwasty. I didn't even know that teens hung out in the club anymore - I always trip over them in the stairwells. :D

[babyher]

[quote name='Blk_Amish']I did when I questioned my teen. My kids know if we are having certain conversation with a certain tone, I have enough truth to bury them. Their only saving grace is coming clean. Frankly, if my kids didn't try certain things they wouldn't be mine, so my only bet is to be open, open, open and vigilant. According to my DD, turning 21 means doing legally what you have always done at 15.[/QUOTE]



Couldn't agree with you more.

I have always told my kids they can tell me or talk to me about anything. They want to talk, or rant,or just get stuff off their chest. They cannot shock me or offend me . My wicked younger days and 30 years as a 9-1-1 dispatcher assures me of that. *LOL*

And boy do they tell me stuff *LOL* I YI YI Yi , but I am very glad they told me than hid it from me .

Another thing , I told my kids tell me the truth and I will back you up 1000% , lie to me and make me look like a fool once and that' s the end of that.


Twice I had to rely on that, and they didn't let me down. I stood up for them and knocked their accusers right out of the park. including one of their teachers and the high school principal (that was actually fun) :)


Mine are all over 21 now so those days are over, but you really have to have your eyes, ears , and especially your heart open.

[Loonbeam]

We don't know they were visibly intoxicated, they could have just been being jerks and had a vague smell of alcohol (or been overheard telling other teens etc).

 

That's a key part of my point, we don't know and will not know the actual severity of the incident. It's a lot different if they each had one martini and were acting like idiots, or they had 12 and were falling down drunk.

 

Agreed but I still feel uncomfortable about a visually drunk teen being asked to leave. I can hardly make it down the stairs safely in 3" heels. For me a visually drunk teen is an emergency situation and the parents might be a few on here who thought, not my child. Mine are able and capable which is why I am vigilant.

[babyher]

If the OP wants to know the truth badly enough, I'm sure that in a few years, if you get enough drinks in them, it will all come out! :D

 

 

 

 

 

*LOL* Boy ain't that the truth :)

 

My sisters and I are in our 40s and 50s and my Mom still learns of a few of our adventures that took place in our teens and 20s to this day.

[more cruises]

As a parent it's our job to teach, supervise, discipline and encourage and give them unconditional love. As our kids get older we back off the supervision some and give them the chance to make some of their own decisions. Hopefully they've absorbed the lessons we've taught them and they make good decisions. Sadly, some make wrong, often tragic decisions. Mostly, they're just bumps in the road, things you learn from and move on. (Lord knows I had a few doozies in my teen years)

 

A good parent will use this as a teaching opportunity and show the teen that every action has a reaction by dispensing the appropriate discipline.

 

We can't assume the OP is a bad parent just because their kid made a stupid decision. Luckily no one was hurt and everyone can move on.

[Blk_Amish]

We don't know they were visibly intoxicated, they could have just been being jerks and had a vague smell of alcohol (or been overheard telling other teens etc).

 

That's a key part of my point, we don't know and will not know the actual severity of the incident. It's a lot different if they each had one martini and were acting like idiots, or they had 12 and were falling down drunk.

 

The OP said the message said her son was DRUNK. The OP asked how did my son got DRUNK. I am taking that at face value. DRUNK to me is serious business.

A vague smell of alcohol could be from cough syrup but I am pretty sure drunk would not come to mind. A lot of scenarios expect the OP used the word drunk.

Edited January 4, 2014 by Blk_Amish

[chamima]

As a parent it's our job to teach, supervise, discipline and encourage and give them unconditional love. As our kids get older we back off the supervision some and give them the chance to make some of their own decisions. Hopefully they've absorbed the lessons we've taught them and they make good decisions. Sadly, some make wrong, often tragic decisions. Mostly, they're just bumps in the road, things you learn from and move on. (Lord knows I had a few doozies in my teen years)

 

A good parent will use this as a teaching opportunity and show the teen that every action has a reaction by dispensing the appropriate discipline.

 

We can't assume the OP is a bad parent just because their kid made a stupid decision. Luckily no one was hurt and everyone can move on.

 

 

 

No one (I think) said she is a bad parent but the title of the thread

"How did my minor child get drunk on Ruby" puts the onus on the ship.

I think we each need to take responsibility for ourselves and teach our children to also take responsibility for themselves.

It's NOT the ship's fault.

Edited January 4, 2014 by chamima

[Loonbeam]

I spent multiple years as a camp director dealing with staff 16 and up. Trust me there are levels of drunk. Also, given that the OP didn't find out until later (when they got the message), the level of drunk may have changed for the better or worse (for all we know they obtained more after being kicked out)

 

A teen is drunk when their BAL is greater than 0...

 

But still my overall point is without being at the teen club, we will never know what kind of response the situation actually warranted.

 

 

The OP said the message said her son was DRUNK. The OP asked how did my son got DRUNK. I am taking that at face value. DRUNK to me is serious business.

A vague smell of alcohol could be from cough syrup but I am pretty sure drunk would not come to mind. A lot of scenarios expect the OP used the word drunk.

[Blk_Amish]

No one (I think) said she is a bad parent but the title of the thread

"How did my minor child get drunk on Ruby" puts the onus on the ship.

I think we each need to take responsibility for ourselves and teach our children to also take responsibility for themselves.

It's NOT the ship's fault.

 

If the teen center sent a drunk child out of a supervised area that is beyond irresponsible. I think one should assume some moral if not legal responsibility. I saw kids who were clearly under the influence (not drunk) on my last cruise and reported it and sent Carnival a letter about what I saw. We ALL need to look out for kids in danger, not just our own. I reported this in a thread and was told it was none of my business, go figures! JMOP, but what missing is teaching them to look out for others.

Edited January 4, 2014 by Blk_Amish

[DMRick]

I had three teens at the same time. I think we were good, vigilant parents. Kids were in church youth groups, clubs, sports, etc. We had open talk and there were to call us for any situation. The calls never came because our kids were well adjusted kids who knew when they needed to behave and always did. I certainly heard about the kids who did drink and do things my kids would never do. Yeah right. 25 years later they are a lot more honest lol. Did what all the other kids did.. The same I did at their age.

This is different. Lots of stuff happens on ships that we don't hear about unless we look up reports on the page that lists reportable offenses/accidents. But IMO this is different. The teen leader recognized he was drunk.. Enough so to call a parent. So much can go wrong on a ship, if they thought he was drunk (we only have what the op said and she was told drunk) they should have called security. I think other young people were put at risk letting a drunk teen leave the premises.

[wrecks]

Nearly everyone gets it that if you are old enough to die for your country ... you are old enough to drink ... except for us.

 

I hear this point of view often, my take is; ok, let them drink, IF they are in the service.

[travelplus]

I was on the December 26-30 sailing and signed my son up for the teen club. I believed that he was safe on that ship in terms of drinking alcohol. I was wrong. I got the call from the teen club (I wasn't in my cabin - they left a message). They said my son was drunk, and they told him to leave. They wanted me to come up to talk to them.

 

Aside from the issue I have with my son for his own behavior is this:

 

How in the hell did a minor get served? He told me another teen (who I confirmed did also get kicked out) got a hold of his dad's card and ordered martinis!

 

Secondly, and this is a big one - why would they just tell a drunk teen to leave? What if he had gone overboard or who knows what?! When I arrived, no one could tell me where he was - only that he was kicked out.

 

I am very disappointed in the way this was handled.

 

First of all I hope you won't cruise with your son for awhile. He needs to learn to be responsible and live with the consequences.

 

Secondly I thought the SeaPass Card has his birthdate or its a special color designating that he is a minor. The bartenders' responsibility includes checking for the age before selling a drink.

 

If an adult purchased or furnished alcohol without your permission then its against the law. If you bought him a beer and consumed it with your presence then thats fine. On some itineraries 18 is the drinking age so depending where you go and how old your teen is he could have been allowed to purchase a drink.

 

If your teen used his SeaPass and charged the drink without your permission you have every right to be upset. Not only did he steal money from you he lost trust in you and got drunk which is against the terms and conditions of the cruise documents that you signed. Do you realize you could have been thrown off the ship with your teen if he did any damage or was caught drinking under age.

 

To scare your son tell him if you were thrown off the ship in another country he would be bound by their laws and not the US law. He could have worse ramifications such as being deported possibly loosing his right to leave the US for awhile to spending time in jail in a foreign country.

 

Your son was lucky he was not debarked from the ship. I have heard of teens doing bad things like throwing chairs off the ship, drinking underage and being debarked. Your son could have been added to the "No Sail List' which lists passengers who have committed crimes onboard and this means your son would be banned from ever traveling on Princess and their sister ships. Some people are able to petition for removal from the list but that is rare for the cruise line to take you off the list.

 

When you go and try to book a cruise the cruiseline would refuse your son's reservation as its linked to his birthdate.

 

Please don't take this offense lightly it could have gone a lot farther than it went. I hope you confined him to the stateroom and he had to be with you at all times(not cool for a teen being seen with his Father) and you set an early curfew.

[caribill]

Secondly I thought the SeaPass Card has his birthdate or its a special color designating that he is a minor. The bartenders' responsibility includes checking for the age before selling a drink.

 

If your teen used his SeaPass and charged the drink without your permission you have every right to be upset.

 

Op said a new "friend" of the son used his father's cruise card to purchase the drinks. So the card would indicate an adult was purchasing the drinks.

[travelplus]

Ok then why do they take a photo of you for the SeaPass? Shouldn't the bar tender be able to see that photo to know the "new friend" was not really the Father? If not this should be implemented where the Bar Tender must verify the photo and click a button confirming the verification.

[Loonbeam]

See prior posts. Thats on the Princess Roadmap for all retail transactions (the handhelds are part of that eventually) but its not a simple upgrade in terms of onboard systems, the entire POS system needs an update

Ok then why do they take a photo of you for the SeaPass? Shouldn't the bar tender be able to see that photo to know the "new friend" was not really the Father? If not this should be implemented where the Bar Tender must verify the photo and click a button confirming the verification.

[Cruzin-K]

 

 

edit: wanted to add this link. A lot of people on CC should give it a read.

 

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/11/04/i-dont-agree-with-your-parenting-choices-now-let-me-explain-how-you-should-raise-your-own-children/

 

Just in case you missed this earlier. This is a great blog post on why you have pretty much no business whatsoever telling other people anything at all about how to raise THEIR children.

 

There's been an awful lot of parenting advice given on this thread, by people who have never even met the OP, let alone met her son. :rolleyes:

 

I don't have kids. I don't agree with the way many of my friends are raising their kids, letting them eat too much junk food and allowing them to stay up past midnight on a school night. Have I told any of my friends this? Nope! Not my business. They aren't MY kids.

[Blk_Amish]

I spent multiple years as a camp director dealing with staff 16 and up. Trust me there are levels of drunk. Also, given that the OP didn't find out until later (when they got the message), the level of drunk may have changed for the better or worse (for all we know they obtained more after being kicked out)

 

A teen is drunk when their BAL is greater than 0...

 

But still my overall point is without being at the teen club, we will never know what kind of response the situation actually warranted.

 

Have you spent years parenting a teen? In my kids world there is no level when my teen name is associated with certain behavior. There is no level of drunkenness or disrespect. I know what I would expect from my kids and from anyone I leave them in the care of. My kids try to give me the argument of things not being as bad as I think sometimes, level. One thing we know is that the level of drunkenness warranted a call, not good. Letting the child go, unacceptable.

 

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Edited January 5, 2014 by Blk_Amish