9 year old alone on ship

[CruiseAddict1982]

It's not always about that pedophile lurking around trying to "get" your child. A couple of things I noticed on our last cruise -

 

 

 

A 9 year old my son had met playing ping pong was out alone several nights past 11:00 or 12:00. He was obviously bored and was inserting himself into adult groups and conversations of total strangers. One night there was a group in their 20s. They were very drunk and talking about things I wouldn't want my son to hear. He was rude and obnoxious and they finally left to get away from him.

 

 

 

A group of kids were daring each other (or so it seemed) to climb over the rails. Not the side of the ship, just the ones behind the big screen. If they had fallen they still could have been hurt. Most of them were probably good kids and normally responsible but when you get kids in a group they convince each other that bad ideas are good ones. I would never think to tell my child "be sure you don't climb over the rail" before we parted and, while I hope he would have sense enough not to do that, at 10 years old it could probably go either way.

 

 

Great point! I'm sure there will be parents that'll say their child is mature so that would never happen.

 

 

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[mjkacmom]

A group of kids were daring each other (or so it seemed) to climb over the rails. Not the side of the ship, just the ones behind the big screen. If they had fallen they still could have been hurt. Most of them were probably good kids and normally responsible but when you get kids in a group they convince each other that bad ideas are good ones. I would never think to tell my child "be sure you don't climb over the rail" before we parted and, while I hope he would have sense enough not to do that, at 10 years old it could probably go either way.

 

So, because kids might do something stupid, we never leave them alone? Teens are probably more likely than 10 year olds to do something stupid. Do they need constant supervision?

 

I just can't imagine not letting kids go off and ride bikes, go to the park, go to the ballfield, just because they might do something stupid. Kids ARE going to make mistakes, and there will be consequences. That's how they learn. I figure my 11 year olds are safer on a cruise ship, with staff and security cameras, than at the playground, and I let them go to the playground.

 

And I absolutely told ds11 NOT to climb anything on the ship! I do try to think of stupid things he might do, and proactively tell him not to do them.

[Lovely169]

I totally agree with you. Even though I gave permission for my daughter to go on scavenger hunts. I kept her with me during the scavenger hunts. So she never actually went on one. However, because I gave permission one night Camp Carnival told her to sign herself out at 10pm. Just so happens I was sitting with friends on the Lido deck. My friend yelled my daughter's name as she ran pass us. I went running to look for her. I saw the fear in her eyes. I prayed that she knew to go back to our cabin. I found her just before she made it to our cabin and she was scared. I took her back to Camp Carnival and ripped them a new a$$h@le. They were extremely apologetic. The entire ordeal taught me. I need to allow my daughter some freedom. Not alot a freedom but some. So when she wanted to get something to drink or some food. If we were on the Lido deck I'd let her go. I watched her but I guess at some point I do need to give her more freedom but I don't think she's ready right now. So to each it's own.

 

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[CruiseAddict1982]

I totally agree with you. Even though I gave permission for my daughter to go on scavenger hunts. I kept her with me during the scavenger hunts. So she never actually went on one. However, because I gave permission one night Camp Carnival told her to sign herself out at 10pm. Just so happens I was sitting with friends on the Lido deck. My friend yelled my daughter's name as she ran pass us. I went running to look for her. I saw the fear in her eyes. I prayed that she knew to go back to our cabin. I found her just before she made it to our cabin and she was scared. I took her back to Camp Carnival and ripped them a new a$$h@le. They were extremely apologetic. The entire ordeal taught me. I need to allow my daughter some freedom. Not alot a freedom but some. So when she wanted to get something to drink or some food. If we were on the Lido deck I'd let her go. I watched her but I guess at some point I do need to give her more freedom but I don't think she's ready right now. So to each it's own.

 

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Every child is different and every parent is different. It's whatever you feel comfortable with. Your daughter could've done the same thing if you gave her more freedom. Sometimes kids just do what they want regardless of what type of parents they have.

 

 

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[Lovely169]

Agreed!

 

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[CruiseAddict1982]

So, because kids might do something stupid, we never leave them alone? Teens are probably more likely than 10 year olds to do something stupid. Do they need constant supervision?

 

 

 

I just can't imagine not letting kids go off and ride bikes, go to the park, go to the ballfield, just because they might do something stupid. Kids ARE going to make mistakes, and there will be consequences. That's how they learn. I figure my 11 year olds are safer on a cruise ship, with staff and security cameras, than at the playground, and I let them go to the playground.

 

 

 

And I absolutely told ds11 NOT to climb anything on the ship! I do try to think of stupid things he might do, and proactively tell him not to do them.

 

 

It's whatever you feel comfortable doing. You feel comfortable leaving your kids some place others wouldn't. It's on them, not you. To say their kids won't grow etc is just your opinion which you are entitled to.

 

 

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[MaybeMaybeline]

I don't have a child myself, but happen to be cruising with one soon so was checking out this thread. I recently read an article that reminded me of this discussion.

 

Specifically this quote....

"The category of risky play on Sandseter’s list that likely makes this current generation of parents most nervous is the one involving children getting lost, or straying from adult supervision. “Children love to walk off alone and go exploring away from the eyes of adults,” she writes. They “experience a feeling of risk and danger of getting lost” when “given the opportunity to ‘cruise’ on their own exploring unknown areas; still, they have an urge to do it.” Here again Sandseter cites evidence showing that the number of separation experiences before age 9 correlates negatively with separation-anxiety symptoms at age 18, “suggesting an ‘inoculation’ effect.”"

 

And about stranger danger...

"If a mother is afraid that her child might be abducted, her ironclad rule should not be Don’t talk to strangers. It should be Don’t talk to your father."

Not, of course, talking about a cruise, but about abduction scenarios in general.

 

Interesting stuff! Just thought I'd share.

Edited April 29, 2014 by MaybeMaybeline

[victoriasmommy]

We would never allow our dd's to check themselves out of the kids club. Our girls have traveled for years and are comfortable in strange places, but it still is not something we allow. I think of the long hallways and all the doors with "who knows who behind them." Someone could open the door, pull them in, and it could be awhile before we realized something was up. Not a chance we are willing to take. I'm amazed at the amount of parents who board a ship, get drunk(sorry) and forget they are parents. We've seen little kids, five and up, on the pool deck, buffet lines, and wondering the ship alone. One reason we don't love some of the buffets. Too many little fingers in the food, and no adults around, I guess that's for a totally different thread!!! Cruising with kids is a totally different experience and parents should plan accordingly. Allowing them to roam a ship in the middle of a huge ocean, with thousands of strangers, alone, it not responsible parenting. Sorry.

 

 

Im sure most of the time kids are fine. maybe sometimes they get lost momentarily (I sure do) or fall and skin a knee and wipe their tears and find mom. No biggie but I def would think about it.

 

But very true on the someone behind them pulling them into a room. also I think about drowning. chances maybe be supppper slim but its just not a risk I need to take.

[Geldhart]

I'm of the belief that children do need to learn freedom and responsibility so that when they leave home after high school, they LEAVE home. Pending an accident that renders them mentally incompetent, my long term goal is to have both DD13 and DS9 function as fully independent adults by the time they are 18/19. That's not going to happen if I solve all their problems for them.

 

On our last cruise our kids did have different rules, not only due to age, but also relative maturity. My DD has a good head on her shoulders, my son not so much (but he does surprise us sometimes).

 

First time cruising, DD was 11 and DS was 8. First morning in Adventure Ocean was mandatory -- meet some people before the cliques formed. After that, both of them could decide if they were going to go. If they went, they were committed for the session. DD could sign herself out, DS could not (don't think he was eligible anyway, if he was, it still wasn't going to happen).

 

DD could go where she wanted to on the ship, but she HAD to let us know where she was, and if changing locations had to leave a message on the cabin phone on the way. We spot checked (first by checking the messages), and the rule was, we had 15 minutes to locate her, or she was dead meat. One of us stood by the entrance to the location (in case she was in transit to somewhere else (like the phone), just getting a drink or snack, or coming back from the bathroom, etc) while the other did a circuit of the area.

 

She also had to do a private muster drill on Day 2 before earning her freedom. While we were in the buffet for breakfast, I excused myself (presumably to go to the washroom, but in reality I went elsewhere). My wife told her that she had 7 minutes to get to the muster station without assistance (to simulate being separated from us in an emergency). She actually beat me there, and I had a head start.

 

Only rule was that she couldn't go swimming alone -- she had to be with someone who would also be in the pool with her (and friends she met on the ship, that we had also met and approved of were okay).

 

DS for the most part had to be with us, but was allowed to get his food from the buffet, go get another drink, go ahead of us and meet us at the entrance to the dining room, play a round of mini golf while we watched from nearby, etc. For swimming, either myself or DW had to be in the pool with him -- non negotiable as he isn't a strong swimmer.

 

Once, because the 3 of us had things we really wanted to do, that he didn't and adventure ocean didn't appeal to him that morning, on Day 4 we allowed my son about 30 minutes of freedom on the sports deck. I was a bit late getting back and couldn't find him. Looked all over, and returned to his cabin just in time to answer the phone telling me that he was near the Flowrider. Once he realized he was "lost" he "hugged his tree" and asked a crew member for help -- EXACTLY what he was told to do.

 

That was "MY FAULT". Our procedure was "Don't leave the area" and "Hug a Tree" and I made the silly assumption that he wouldn't remember (I know my son) and as a result, I left the deck when I shouldn't have. Had I stayed on the deck, my second loop would have spotted him (or he would have spotted me). He did EVERYTHING right, I was the one who screwed up.

 

On the next cruise, we think that he should be able to handle a similar set of rules as his sister.

[CGYCruisingFamily]

Our older son will be 9 on our upcoming cruise and I am torn. He is a very mature child and quite responsible for his age. I also believe he wont do it (he prefers to stay with us and I cant see that he will want to go out on his own). For the most part I say no, he will not be allowed to sign himself out. However if they need to be able to sign out to participate in certain supervised activities, maybe then. But I do not want him wandering the ship by himself or with a group of unsupervised kids. I have seen too many times how groups can get out of hand (witnessed some kids running around the internet cafe on one cruise - they were about 12 yo - and one kid ran into a table which toppled over and hit and shattered a glass wall. The kids ran for it. It was all caught on security tape and we later saw the same boy, never out of the sight of his parents (I heard they had to pay for the repair too). I think if we did allow it, it would only be for group activities with the kids club but I dont know if that will even be an issue as I dont think they even have to sign out to do that.

Edited May 25, 2014 by CGYCruisingFamily

[rebeccalouiseagain]

You do not have to give him signing out privileges for him to go off with the youth counselors to activities. In fact, he won't be able to leave the counselors anywhere on the ship without you signing him out. The Holland Ships are small in comparison to other ships afloat. The youth program is small- mostly it is video games, board games, arts and crafts and maybe a talent show. My son stayed 1-2 hours at a time on Holland versus 3-6 hours on other lines. Your son may meet other kids there and then plan to do things together with them- like hang by the pool. BTW- there were kids doing really dangerous things on one of our cruises by the pool. The pool staff won't generally step in... so no matter how well-behaved your son is- make sure that you are always on hand if he is at the pool.

Edited May 25, 2014 by rebeccalouiseagain

[CGYCruisingFamily]

Oh he won't be anywhere around the pool without us. That's a standing rule which won't be broken.

 

Thing is with our itinerary I have a feeling he won't be in Club HAL as much as other cruises.

 

I too have witnessed super poor behaviour and I do trust my son to know what is right or wrong. He's not a rule breaker (never has been).

 

 

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[KatieCharlotte]

I live in a nice neighborhood full of loving, involved parents, just off a major road. Five-year-olds walk alone to their friend's houses, seven-year-old hang out in a pack, ten-year-olds play outside after dark and walk home. I started to think that all this helicopter parent stuff is just a myth. Then I read some of the comments on this thread: A 9-year-old could hit her head, Monsters are Everywhere, adult daughters cannot be alone on a cruise ship, Times Have Changed (yes, they have, crime is way down from when we grew up!), pedophiles lurk around every corner (actually, usually their name is Uncle or Stepdad...pedophiles like to build relationships with kids they can intimidate into not telling).

 

I'm an anxious person by nature and my work involves criminals, so I really do understand parents' fears! But our job is to make ourselves obsolete, not to shelter them until we no longer can. I want my daughters to have the self-confidence necessary to safely and successfully navigate college and the adult world without me. I was greatly lacking in confidence as a young teen until my parents were strongly encouraged to give me independent experiences, even though the "what if's" terrified them. I say to myself, "Fly little birdies," as I let my kids have some independence, as a reminder that I have to let them leave the nest. :)

 

My 9-year-old DD had signing out privileges for the first time. She knew she wasn't supposed to just leave by herself without telling us. My shy girl went on a scavenger hunt with a group of girls and suddenly had new friends. They checked themselves out to get ice cream because the boys were rewarded with ice cream for winning the hunt. :D I also allowed her to hang out with her brother, who is a couple years older. We allow him to be alone in public areas on the ship but not to go to any new friends' cabins. When he cruised for the first time at age eleven and was given independence, it was amazing to see the improvement in his confidence. We allowed them to swim together because DS can stand in the water and DD is a swimmer and diver.

Edited June 2, 2014 by KatieCharlotte

[The 7 Dwarfs]

My 9 year old had signing in / out privileges on our last cruise, however she was also with her 10 and 11 year old sisters and the deal was they always had to stay together and there were only certain places they could go. For example, open decks were a massive no-no. My 10 year old son did not have the same privilege because I could not trust him to be responsible enough even in a group with his sisters. Different children will have different abilities to be safe on their own.

 

My girls are long distance runners / race walkers. My daughter has been running a 12km city to bay race with 40,000 other people since she was 8. Each weekend they race walk up to 5km around our capital city, they do cross country races and fun runs through bushland. Really, on paper that is far more risky than them leaving kids club on their own to watch a movie on deck or grab an ice cream.

 

Mind you, the 9 year old and I will be going on a cruise on own, she'll be 10 by then and I'm not sure I will let her just on her own.

[alj1208]

IMHO, there is a difference between being allowed to sign out of the kids' club and being allowed, while in the custody/care of a parent, to go somewhere specific alone or with a friend for an agreed upon amount of time.

 

Personally, I wouldn't allow a child under 13 to be alone on the ship under either scenario (except maybe to go to the buffet or something like that).

 

I might consider allowing a responsible teenager, 13 and up, some alone time within reason and with check-in. I would consider myself "on duty" as a parent during that time and would not be at the bar or spa.

[cruiserjt]

I have been following this thread from the beginning since I have two ten year old DDs. (11 on next cruise). They will be able to sign themselves out but with some expectations and rules.

For those of you who are so willing to say what you would and would no allow - can you please include how old your children are and if they have actually cruised. I sometimes feel as though there are many opinions but only a handful who have experience.

I am trying to raise my daughters with guts and intelligence. No bubble.

 

 

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[blizzard44ca]

I don't have a child myself, but happen to be cruising with one soon so was checking out this thread. I recently read an article that reminded me of this discussion.

 

Specifically this quote....

"The category of risky play on Sandseter’s list that likely makes this current generation of parents most nervous is the one involving children getting lost, or straying from adult supervision. “Children love to walk off alone and go exploring away from the eyes of adults,” she writes. They “experience a feeling of risk and danger of getting lost” when “given the opportunity to ‘cruise’ on their own exploring unknown areas; still, they have an urge to do it.” Here again Sandseter cites evidence showing that the number of separation experiences before age 9 correlates negatively with separation-anxiety symptoms at age 18, “suggesting an ‘inoculation’ effect.”"

 

And about stranger danger...

"If a mother is afraid that her child might be abducted, her ironclad rule should not be Don’t talk to strangers. It should be Don’t talk to your father."

Not, of course, talking about a cruise, but about abduction scenarios in general.

 

Interesting stuff! Just thought I'd share.

 

I strongly suggest that all parents read the article linked by MaybeMabeline above. It is a very long but worthwhile read.

 

At the same time, I advocate that all parents do what they feel comfortable with. One of the big things I find these days, as a parent, is that other parents are so quick to judge what other parents do. I am lucky that I am an older parent, and therefore I do not feel as much pressure when judged by other parents. If you feel strongly, follow your beliefs and don't allow others to judge you.

 

My son and daughter are 9 and 7, and we will be cruising to Alaska this summer. My son will have sign out privileges, however we have discussed what that will mean. When he signs himself out, he will have to come immediately to our room and leave a note where we can find him (and also it will also indicate where he can find us). It is a non-negotiable rule that there will be no swimming, he is not allowed to enter anyone's room (nor is anyone allowed in ours).

 

We took a "test" cruise for 4 days in January, and gave him a lot less freedom, which he handled well. I love the idea above about a test muster drill from an unfamiliar location that was mentioned above.

 

We will not let him roam the ship, particularly in the evening. We will check up on him and remove privileges for infractions.

 

His sister is not ready for any independent activities, and likely would not be at 9, but we will judge each cruise as it comes.

[sherryf]

For those of you who are so willing to say what you would and would no allow - can you please include how old your children are and if they have actually cruised. I sometimes feel as though there are many opinions but only a handful who have experience.

 

Okay, I will comment on this.

 

We cruised with my kids 3 years ago. My daughter was 12 at the time. My boys were 15 & 18 and much less of a concern. I wasn't sure, before the cruise, how much freedom I would allow my daughter. I set down the usual rules - not going into anyone else's room, not letting anyone else into her room, not accepting drinks from strangers, etc. The first night I walked her to and from the kids club, even though she had sign our privileges. I walked her there the next morning too. But she made a couple of good friends that she ended up hanging out with the rest of the week. One of them, coincidentally, was in the room right next to hers. (My 3 kids were in a room together and we were in another a few doors down since we booked late and couldn't get cabins right next to each other.) My daughter and the girl in the next room would meet up, go together to the other girl's room to get her, and then stay together most of the day. The younger brother (9) of the third girl often went with them. They were almost always in a group, so I ended up giving her more freedom than I might have if she'd been alone. Also, the ship is not so big that you don't run into each other a lot. I knew my boys would look out for their sister as much as possible. It also helps that my daughter is a 2nd degree black belt, so I know she can defend herself to some degree.

 

I'm taking the kids on another cruise in 6 weeks (but who's counting? :D ) and I'm actually a bit more cautious about her this time. On our last trip, she was still a little girl and in the kids club. Now she is a young lady (15) and in the teen club. I feel like there is more potential for getting into trouble at this age. I've given the same rules, and she just says, "Mom, I'm not dumb!" Luckily, her brothers will be along to help watch out for her, as well as my son's best friend. With three 18-21 year old "big brothers" watching out for her, I hope she will be safe. I will give her complete freedom, but require that she check in with us from time to time.

 

Honestly, I don't see it as being much different from letting her roam around our small suburban town with her friends, which she does quite often.

[ParadiseTattoo]

To start I have 4 kids as follows:

Nearly 16 boy

Nearly 15 girl

Just 14 boy

Nearly 11 girl

 

So I feel like when it comes to kids I have a bit of experience. Now to start each one is very different and that's just within our household. The two oldest are late bloomers and not super independent. So at 9, 10 or even 11 neither would have even wanted to go anywhere alone. The 14 old would have been able but probably wouldn't have wanted to. The 10 yr old would have wanted to at 7 but would have been lost in minutes or off to someone's room. So I really think this has to be up to each individual family. Some kids are capable, some are not and some parents just aren't ready either.

Now with all that said my boys both own boats (we live in Key West) and have for a couple of years. They will go out for sometimes 12+ hours without adults. They mostly spearfish and bring back videos that makes the hair on your neck stand up. But they have to grow up and have their own lives and we have to let them. We have many rules they must follow, but as the years pass the rules become less and they have more independence.

The girls don't like those things and want to be chauffeured around. We have to force some independence on them. Like walking to school and such. I don't think it possible to judge each and every case solely by age. It is more about maturity and who know best but the parents. We are taking just our girls in two weeks on Oasis and we plan on letting them have as much independence as they feel comfortable with. I have gone over all the safety stuff with them already and will certainly add the Muster Station to the list.

I will let everyone know how it went

[legaljen1969]

I would not allow my 9-year old to check out of the program by herself and wander about the ship with no direction. She is such a sweet and trusting young lady. She's incredibly bright and safety conscious but ships are so big and it is so easy for something to happen before anyone can realize there is a problem. It is so easy to get turned around on a ship. The child could get lost or confused. They could ask the wrong person for help. I know, the usual answer is to ask personnel on the ship. I will get to that later.

 

It is one thing to trust your children to wander about a neighborhood or walk a few blocks to school in your own community. There is a comfort level there. At least someone might recognize your child. On a ship, there are all kinds of people you have never met before and will never see again. Not that safe in my opinion. I know there are 9 year old boys AND girls. But my thoughts will be on girls.

 

Some young girls develop more quickly than we might think. A 9 year old now looks like what a 13 year old used to look like, and their clothes are more pre-teen too. You just don't know now. Not that it's okay for adults to make passes at teenagers.

 

Now, about ship personnel. These people are trained to get to know you by name. They greet you over and over again, knowing the names of the people at their tables and in their cabins. If someone greets your child by name, the odds are that the child believes they know them. By a couple of days in- maybe even a couple of hours in- several people on the ship know your child's name. Sounds safe, right?

 

Well, from my own experience- I was 15 when my family went on our first cruise. We had a very personable waiter. He told us all about his family and his kids. He was a very hard worker. The cruise line also had a really fun staff helping direct water activities and snorkeling on the private island. Of course, everyone was in bathing suits there. The dive instructor was really funny and he teased with all of the kids in the group.

 

After dinner, my parents allowed us to wander around the ship with friends. Of course, inevitably the group would break off from time to time or someone would have to go to the bathroom. One occasion, it was me that had to take the bathroom break. As I headed to the bathroom I had to walk past the photo gallery. The dive instructor was standing there, seeming like he was looking at pictures. He called my name as I walked by. We stood there and looked for pictures taken of me and my brother on the island. He was telling me how pretty I was. Well, I said goodbye and headed to the bathroom. A minute later, I heard the door open. I thought nothing of it, since there was more than one stall. When I walked out, the dive instructor was standing there and said he "accidentally" walked into the wrong bathroom. I walked out and headed back to my friends. He followed me and started trying to dance with me. I was not interested and told him to go away. Everyone thought I was being mean and said he was just trying to have fun and hang out with us. It was creepy.

 

The next night at dinner, our waiter told my parents that they should make sure we didn't go anywhere on the ship alone- even just to the bathroom. He told them that he had seen the dive instructor walk into the lady's bathroom after I went in, and that the dive instructor said it was an "accident" but told people in the crew area it wasn't.

 

Our kid group was pretty tight after that. No one went off alone. When I got home, about six months later a letter arrived for me. It was from the instructor telling me how beautiful I was and that he wanted to wait for me to be old enough that we could get married. My parents turned him in. He was 30 years old. I was 15.

 

Two years later he was on another ship when I took my senior cruise. He approached me on Day 1 and of course called me by name. One of the chaperones wondered how I knew somebody on the ship. I told him he had been on the ship when I cruised with my family before. I told our chaperone what happened. I did not do any diving or activities on the island during my senior cruise. He didn't bother me any more though.

 

I am sure crew members are probably checked more closely these days, but just because they are supposed to be employees and they SHOULD be put through screening does not mean they are still the cream of the crop.

 

Children need adult supervision on cruises. Even teens need frequent check-ins OR to be reminded to travel in groups. Kids think they are invincible.

 

NO to check outs alone at 9 years old. Not for this family.

[KatieCharlotte]

I would not allow my 9-year old to check out of the program by herself and wander about the ship with no direction. She is such a sweet and trusting young lady. She's incredibly bright and safety conscious but ships are so big and it is so easy for something to happen before anyone can realize there is a problem. It is so easy to get turned around on a ship. The child could get lost or confused. They could ask the wrong person for help. I know, the usual answer is to ask personnel on the ship. I will get to that later.

 

It is one thing to trust your children to wander about a neighborhood or walk a few blocks to school in your own community. There is a comfort level there. At least someone might recognize your child. On a ship, there are all kinds of people you have never met before and will never see again. Not that safe in my opinion. I know there are 9 year old boys AND girls. But my thoughts will be on girls.

 

Some young girls develop more quickly than we might think. A 9 year old now looks like what a 13 year old used to look like, and their clothes are more pre-teen too. You just don't know now. Not that it's okay for adults to make passes at teenagers.

 

Now, about ship personnel. These people are trained to get to know you by name. They greet you over and over again, knowing the names of the people at their tables and in their cabins. If someone greets your child by name, the odds are that the child believes they know them. By a couple of days in- maybe even a couple of hours in- several people on the ship know your child's name. Sounds safe, right?

 

Well, from my own experience- I was 15 when my family went on our first cruise. We had a very personable waiter. He told us all about his family and his kids. He was a very hard worker. The cruise line also had a really fun staff helping direct water activities and snorkeling on the private island. Of course, everyone was in bathing suits there. The dive instructor was really funny and he teased with all of the kids in the group.

 

After dinner, my parents allowed us to wander around the ship with friends. Of course, inevitably the group would break off from time to time or someone would have to go to the bathroom. One occasion, it was me that had to take the bathroom break. As I headed to the bathroom I had to walk past the photo gallery. The dive instructor was standing there, seeming like he was looking at pictures. He called my name as I walked by. We stood there and looked for pictures taken of me and my brother on the island. He was telling me how pretty I was. Well, I said goodbye and headed to the bathroom. A minute later, I heard the door open. I thought nothing of it, since there was more than one stall. When I walked out, the dive instructor was standing there and said he "accidentally" walked into the wrong bathroom. I walked out and headed back to my friends. He followed me and started trying to dance with me. I was not interested and told him to go away. Everyone thought I was being mean and said he was just trying to have fun and hang out with us. It was creepy.

 

The next night at dinner, our waiter told my parents that they should make sure we didn't go anywhere on the ship alone- even just to the bathroom. He told them that he had seen the dive instructor walk into the lady's bathroom after I went in, and that the dive instructor said it was an "accident" but told people in the crew area it wasn't.

 

Our kid group was pretty tight after that. No one went off alone. When I got home, about six months later a letter arrived for me. It was from the instructor telling me how beautiful I was and that he wanted to wait for me to be old enough that we could get married. My parents turned him in. He was 30 years old. I was 15.

 

Two years later he was on another ship when I took my senior cruise. He approached me on Day 1 and of course called me by name. One of the chaperones wondered how I knew somebody on the ship. I told him he had been on the ship when I cruised with my family before. I told our chaperone what happened. I did not do any diving or activities on the island during my senior cruise. He didn't bother me any more though.

 

I am sure crew members are probably checked more closely these days, but just because they are supposed to be employees and they SHOULD be put through screening does not mean they are still the cream of the crop.

 

Children need adult supervision on cruises. Even teens need frequent check-ins OR to be reminded to travel in groups. Kids think they are invincible.

 

NO to check outs alone at 9 years old. Not for this family.

 

I'm sorry you had that experience, but it can happen just as easily at school, in the neighborhood, or anywhere else in your community. As you observed, it's the people that children think they know who are most able to prey upon them. All we can do is teach our daughters to be confident in their ability to recognize when something seems wrong just as you did, take whatever action they can to protect themselves, and report inappropriate behavior. I'm afraid that if I shelter my daughters too much, they won't have the confidence they need when they have to be away from me -- at school and someday in college. What I felt was appropriate for my daughter was to grant sign out privileges but instruct her to stay with a group or her older brother and always let me know what she was doing. I stayed with her the one night she wanted to be out past ten. I do admit my calculation of the risks might be different if my nine year old could be mistaken for a teenage girl -- she looks about eight. But when she becomes a young teen, I will give her more independence, as much as it scares me.

[dsrdsrdsr]

Children need adult supervision on cruises. Even teens need frequent check-ins OR to be reminded to travel in groups. Kids think they are invincible.

 

NO to check outs alone at 9 years old. Not for this family.

Your whole story is a warning about the dangers of 15-year-olds being alone on board - and no doubt it could be extended to all attractive females. Not children, not in this case.

 

But I would suggest a rider to your suggestion that kids think they're invincible - teenagers do; 9-year-olds, very much more often, don't. The advantage of letting a 9-year-old loose it that she might tend to think Mummy and Daddy know best and therefore will follow the rules. A teenager, especially one who's for the first time learning about being out of sight of parents, is far more likely to think they can get away with anything and therefore to try anything.

[ParadiseTattoo]

It is horrifying to imagine your child encountering some evil minded stranger. Especially while aboard a ship and during a vacation. But truth be told evil will lurk everywhere and prey on the weak. The best defense is to teach your children at a young age how to handle different scenarios. To run through them whenever you set them off alone. I don't think trying to confine them will teach them how to think on their own. Now does that mean it is okay to let a 9 year old have the run of a cruise ship? NO WAY! But I do think the ship is good place for them to learn some independence. Slowly at first and build upon it as they prove their ability. Each child and family are different, so not every 9 year old will be ready. I've seen 5-6 year olds on leashes at Disney (creepy), so that family surely won't let their child loose on a ship at 9.

 

The ratio of evil doers to good people is extremely low. Which is why all of us are generally safe most of the time. Teach your children at a young age how to think for themselves and they will grow into healthy independent adults.

[ParadiseTattoo]

Just returned from Oasis 6/21-6/28/14, Western Caribbean.

 

We brought our 14 year old DD and 10 year old DD. Day 1 we went to Adventure Ocean and signed up the 10 year old with privileges to self sign out. We covered many safety concerns with both girls and made sure they knew where the Muster Station was. By Day 3 the girls were more than comfortable with the ship and could navigate the entirety. On Day 6 the girls had plans to meet for lunch at 12pm in Izumi. Because the younger one was on Cozumel Time (iPhone) and the older on Ship's time the younger one did not show up at lunch. So the older one went to the stateroom and left a note. She looked around their normal hang outs to no avail. She went to guest services who called security and within minutes they were combing the ship with her Sea Pass picture in hand. During all this we had found the younger one in the Solarium Bistro not knowing what was going on with the other. We walked her to Izumi and got her a table. We went to our stateroom and security was there, which is when we learned of all what going on. The guard had to visually identify the younger one before calling off the search.

 

We were amazed at how quickly security acted!

 

We saw children of all ages alone on the ship. It seemed as though they had free reign. The adult areas onboard mostly closed around midnight. The kids areas at 1am and at 2am on a couple of nights. By mid cruise hundreds of kids were out alone until the wee hours.

 

 

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[BullDawg91]

A perk of DCL is the wave phones which allowed my 11 yr old to stay in touch as she moved about with her friends and sometimes her 8 yr old sister. She texted me where she was or was expected to answer me promptly if I texted her. The 8 yr old did not have a phone or the freedom to go far without someone else. She also did not have sign out privileges.

 

Often enough, I ran into them in the public areas (near food and ice cream). They also hung out with their 18 yr old cousin and her 16 yr old friend, going to trivia, movies and such.

 

At home, they are just starting to go farther than the neighbors' house a few doors down. I worry less in a public place because of other eyes than around a neighborhood where there might not be many people outside to observe.