Family time vs Me time

[Baxter5]

I know I'll be throwing the cat amongst the pigeons with this but have people considered actually spending the cruise with their kids? My heart sinks every time I read a post about parents wanting to dump their children in the kids club so they can have some "me time".

 

The research is clear that the one thing children want most is to have more time with their parents - not doing homework or shopping etc, but real quality family time. A cruise is the perfect opportunity for that, as all the other parental responsibilities pretty much drop away (cooking, cleaning, school runs, working etc) and you have 7-10 days to go swimming with them, go to the games arcade with them, play mini golf with them, play chess or ping pong with them, have breakfast, lunch and dinner with them in a variety of venues, enjoy snacks and treats together, see some shows together, rest together, sightsee together and a whole bunch of other things too. The long term rewards and benefits for you and your kids will be well worth it because they will see that they are valued rather than an inconvenience, and that will play out more positively in their later lives.

 

If they want to go to the kids club then that's fine and great but I'd encourage parents to consider the cruise as an opportunity to reconnect and have fun together with their families. Just a thought from someone who has spent decades seeing the difference that each approach has. And, yes, I am a busy, hardworking parent who understands very well the need for a rest. But I'm also a parent whose children are highly regarded and regularly complimented, and I know that making time for your children is critical - and the opportunity to do that passes by quite quickly.

 

Everyone's entitled to their own thoughts, opinions and approaches but I just felt it was important to share an alternative viewpoint and approach.

[Esilef]

There's a balance which is different for different families.

 

Our son is 4 non verbal autistic. Very full on. For us having him in kids club will give us the chance to have a break & time together. We are only planning on having him in kids club for a couple of hours a day.

 

Kids club will also give him a chance of independence.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

[aussielozzie18]

I think cruises are a wonderful opportunity for family bonding time whether or not kids use the kids clubs. My kids and many of my friend's kids did not want to go to kids clubs and thats fine with us. But even if they did to,there is still plenty of time throughout the cruise and during port visits for family bonding time.

 

And apart from independence as Esilef said, kids clubs can also give kids who are shy a chance to socialise with a different group of friends than ones they encounter at school which can be good thing.

[The_Big_M]

I agree with your sentiment. But I think for the people who have a mindset the other way, that they're unlikely to change it.

[rabbitoh_777]

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I know I'll be throwing the cat amongst the pigeons with this but have people considered actually spending the cruise with their kids?

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ETC...

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Everyone's entitled to their own thoughts, opinions and approaches but I just felt it was important to share an alternative viewpoint and approach.

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I strongly & whole-heartily agree.

 

I have long considered lobbying each cruise line to provide specialty sailings to cater for Parents, cat owners and pigeon fanciers to be afforded the chance to all sail together at least once a year or at the very least every February 29th.

 

Antarctica would be the destination of choice, on the way down visiting Tasmania and New Zealand known hotspots for all three interest groups.

 

Interaction & interplay would be encouraged between all three at all times, such as letting the kids chase the kitties in amongst the pigeons whereby they could set flight then homing in and around the ship supplying their unique decorations for all to enjoy(coupled with some arts and crafts lessons particularly sculpture).

 

This could also be incorporated seamlessly with skeet shooting(clay redundant), a wholesome family activity which would afford the parents the time to lovingly teach responsible firearm handling techniques to their offspring and perhaps equally show how the responsible service of alcohol to said Adults concurrently works. Sadly both are lacking these days.(but two birds with one stone there eh what a multi-skilling, networking opportunity)

 

The feathered casualties could be incorporated into a Seabourne Master-Chef class pie demonstration party, all could attend and partake in this particularly popular bonding session teaching recycling eco friendliness.

 

The Wiggles will supply all on-board musical performances and the only television & BIg screen available will be the QUALITY educational re-runs of Home and away, Neighbours or equally stimulating 'REALITY' based shows.

 

Who's with me???

 

Ahhh sweet family holiday bliss...

 

 

 

:eek:

[shudie]

I know I'll be throwing the cat amongst the pigeons with this but have people considered actually spending the cruise with their kids? My heart sinks every time I read a post about parents wanting to dump their children in the kids club so they can have some "me time".

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I think we need to be careful about language... my experience is that rarely people want to 'dump' their kids in kids club - each family have their own needs and groove!

 

Research also shows that it is important that kids see that their parents nurture their relationship as a couple and that each individual can take time out for self-care... this doesn't mean 'dumping' them in kids club... it means taking some much needed space in addition to spending time as a family.

 

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[goodycruising]

One of the things I see that makes me sad on a regular basis even on land is part of the point if the OP's post. People don't think of the way they are saying they want time away from the children. They carry on about "me time" and you wonder why they wanted to have them in the first place.

 

I see it with several couples we are neighbours with. They fight about "me time" and who's turn it is to look after the children. The children are just bundled in with all the chores that are so hard! Much less do I hear about the "family time" you might think they would enjoy planning. I am trying to remember when I last heard about a fun time with the whole family together from them.

 

I get your post OP, and while I understand many kids love the kids club, and there may be some good reasons for respite etc, the way some talk about dumping their burden does make me sad. I also know couples that have had 6 miscarriages, and those with other issues, disabilities, whatever. They would love to have a couple of healthy kids wanting to spend time with them.

 

However, on the other hand, the adverts the cruise companies run are very targeted at the kids being looked after while parents relax. That is very prominent in the way they are promoting their cruises.

[tompaddyelle]

I don't believe all children are "dumped".

There are some children you see on board that I would be happy to "dump" though. :rolleyes: Those children don't ever seem to be in kid's club though unless kid's club is held in lifts ;)

My children love going to kid's club as it gives them a chance to meet children from other places sometimes from other countries. They always spend sometime with us but then are eager to escape us and join their friends.

Have you considered that children sometimes want to "dump" their parents?

[avalon007]

Maybe a different perspective - as children my sister & I were lucky enough to go on 2 cruises, we went to the 'playroom' as it was called back then on P&O & we loved it.

 

We didn't want to spend the time with our parents during the day whilst on board the ship because the kids only stuff was much more fun!

 

We spent every day when at home with mum & dad, so we really enjoyed our 'kids me time'! :)

 

We had dinner & breakfast together as a family & also went ashore together of course. We did also played bingo type games & had evening activities with our family.

 

Maybe ask kids what they want to do & then ensure everyone in the family gets to do a little of what they want, it's everyone's holiday so all should have some time to do their thing.

[AKAMum]

you have 7-10 days to go swimming with them, go to the games arcade with them, play mini golf with them, play chess or ping pong with them, have breakfast, lunch and dinner with them in a variety of venues, enjoy snacks and treats together, see some shows together, rest together, sightsee together and a whole bunch of other things too.

 

...but I'd encourage parents to consider the cruise as an opportunity to reconnect and have fun together with their families.

 

The thing is, using kids' club and doing the above aren't mutually exclusive. I'm sure we're not the only family who managed to both on our cruise.

 

On a normal week, the kids spend hours each day at school including the opportunity to play. My husband is a teacher so we get every weekend and 10 weeks of school holidays every year to spend time together, which we do. We go on day trips, we go geocaching, we go on bike rides, we go to playgrounds, we walk the dog, we have family movie nights...you get the idea.

 

On a non-cruise family holiday, we spend every minute together. If one of us needs some time out for a few minutes to recharge our batteries, we feel guilty that the other parent is bearing the full load of childcare so it is only for very brief periods. By the time we get home, we all need a break from each other.

 

On a cruise, kids' club gives us the opportunity to:

- let the kids relax and play in a safe, supervised, kid-friendly environment with other kids around their own age. They aren't stuck with just each other for company ('cos mum and dad don't count ;)).

- spend some one-on-one time with each child, say having a mocktail and a nice chat, while the other is in kids' club.

- have a relaxed family meal swapping stories about what we had each done that day.

- go and have an adult conversation over a drink for an hour or two without distractions, or have a romantic restaurant meal, or go dancing one night. These things just don't happen back in the real world for us.

 

Most importantly, we get the CHOICE of whether we spend time together as a family unit, or split up into smaller groups, or go and do our own thing. It gives us ALL the chance to have some "me time", not just the grownups.

 

Like another poster mentioned, our kids were eager to go each day and would count down until opening time each morning and afternoon. We would regularly check in to see if they wanted to come out and spend time with us on sea days but the response was often, "can I stay a bit longer?". They also were happy to leave if it meant coming with us to play bingo, or see a show, or have dinner, or have a swim, or whatever.

 

Do I think I "dump" my kids? No, but I suppose no one likes to think that about themselves anyway. :rolleyes:

 

Do I list kids' club as one of the attractions of cruising? You betcha.

 

Would I not use kids' club because someone who doesn't know my family's needs (as individuals and as a unit) thinks I'm dumping them? I'm not even going to bother answering that.

[shudie]

@Avalon007

 

We also went on a cruise as a kid - dad was a musician on the old Oriana! We had no choice than to be looked after - but we LOVED it. We met so many friends - and there just happened to be someone from our school on the same cruise so we made a life-long connection because of kids club. I was still going on about how great the holiday was 30 years later as I convinced hubby to go on his first cruise lol.

[2011CruisingFamilyof4]

Not sure I like the word "dumped" I am not doubting that there may be some children that are put into the kids club by their parents for the sake of me time, but in my situation that was not the case.

 

We allowed our children to go to the kids club sessions they wanted to go to. This meant that the older child WANTED to go a lot. Did I want to spend more time with her? Sure, BUT it was her holiday as well and she made it what she wanted. The younger one wanted to hang out with us more, so she was only in there for some of the time.

 

If it makes you feel at ease, the kids club staff and the CD on the Spirit said one of the biggest differences between American and Australian cruises is there is less kids in the clubs as we tend to spend more time as a family.

[Baxter5]

Thanks for the feedback. I don't necessarily disagree with most of it. I did say in the OP that if the kids wanted to go to the club then that's great. I support that. My issue was with the people who post here and on other social media sites about how they can't wait to get away from their children by having someone else look after them on a cruise. Maybe I just have children that I like and am happy to spent the whole trip with. Our kids did go the club a couple of times but it wasn't because we wanted some peace and quiet, or to get boozy. They wanted to try it out, which is fine. We fully supported that. I just wanted to get a particular group of people thinking about what messages they are sending to their children. In no way was I trying to imply that all parents and families are like that. My bad.

[Pushka]

The best memories we have as a family are vacations. We had the best times. Our kids hated kids clubs and sometimes it might have been nice to take a break. But now they've grown up I'm glad they hated it.

[avalon007]

I think your message is understood, don't be concerned.

 

I also think there is nothing wrong with parents who do want to get away from their kids for a while. :)

 

After all parents had a life pre children & an identity that has nothing to do with being a parent, I think some people need to enjoy being themselves at times without always being someone's mum or dad?

 

Other people do get so involved & identify themselves so strongly as a parent that when the kids grow up & leave they are at a loss what to do with their lives. Nurturing who you are as an individual I think is a good thing & maybe not many parents get that opportunity to do that at home so they look forward to doing so on their cruise holiday?

 

You need a balance & it's probably a healthy approach to life to want to be apart at times & actually a good role model for their children to see that even if you are a mum or dad you are still an individual.

 

Being a strong individual first rather than identifying yourself as someone's mum/dad sends the message you have value that is separate from & not existing for the sole purpose of someone else's existence. Which is exactly what we want to teach children is it not? :)