Disappointed but not rccl

[mtebor]

I am so frustrated. I was planning on taking my nephew on his first cruise(Allure) as a graduation present. There was one thing he had do and that was be passing all his classes on April 1st. If not, told him that I would cancel him.

 

Well report cards are coming out and sure enough he is failing one of his main subjects and might NOT graduate.

 

To me there is absolutely no excuse for this and now I am debating on cancelling the extra room we were staying in or trying to get someone else to take his spot. I have one week to decide.

 

I am ticked off as I have been making payment for over a year and now this. I don't understand kids today.

 

sorry I had to vent

[FreshOffTheBoat]

Take someone else...wouldn't teach him anything to take him

[homeschoolmama]

Tell him to get his bottom to the teacher and find out what he has to do to get the grade up. Tell him he will regret forever not graduating with his class. I agree there is no excuse, but threats will probably only discourage him from making some last minute efforts. There is still time to turn it around and how proud he would be to actually achieve the cruise. Hearing you are cancelling or taking someone else only will discourage him further. Give it a few more weeks if you can, tho I know there are cancellation deadlines.

 

Sent from my SCH-I915 using Forums mobile app

[ladysail2]

Tell him to get his bottom to the teacher and find out what he has to do to get the grade up. Tell him he will regret forever not graduating with his class. I agree there is no excuse, but threats will probably only discourage him from making some last minute efforts. There is still time to turn it around and how proud he would be to actually achieve the cruise. Hearing you are cancelling or taking someone else only will discourage him further. Give it a few more weeks if you can, tho I know there are cancellation deadlines.

 

Sent from my SCH-I915 using Forums mobile app

 

Ditto above....make him feel like a winner..and you will feel like on too. Perhaps he miscalculated his efforts and with your help and support and guidance...he will move mountains to get that grade up!! Good Luck..I hope he gets to go with you. What a fantastic opportunity.

:D

[LuvCats!]

One thought that occurs to me is the idea of a signed contract with him.... (between you and him...I'm doubt it wouldn't be legally binding but I don't think that matters in your situation) that if he does not graduate he has to pay you back X amount. Could be a good lesson in consequences and prove motivating to apply 100% toward graduating but obviously would depend on if he would follow through and/or if his parents support the idea (assuming they are in the picture).

[hansolosmom]

I would try and find out what the problem is - if he's passing his other classes, there may be something about this particular pclass which is an issue.

For example, my son is taking AP chem & has a horrible teacher. I've seen the class notes the man gives and the emails he sends to the kids, he doesn't actually teach so the kids are working in a group & pretty much teaching themselves the material & none of the kids are really doing well in the class.

 

The other thing, are you sure all the grades are in. Our teachers will have placeholder 0's in for some grades if they haven't finished grading an assignment yet. I really hate it because it totally throws you off when you look at the grades on-line.

 

Either way, hopefully he can pick it up & graduate and get an awesome. Cruise too!

[TigerLady]

I am so frustrated. I was planning on taking my nephew on his first cruise(Allure) as a graduation present. There was one thing he had do and that was be passing all his classes on April 1st. If not, told him that I would cancel him.

 

Well report cards are coming out and sure enough he is failing one of his main subjects and might NOT graduate.

 

To me there is absolutely no excuse for this and now I am debating on cancelling the extra room we were staying in or trying to get someone else to take his spot. I have one week to decide.

 

I am ticked off as I have been making payment for over a year and now this. I don't understand kids today.

 

sorry I had to vent

Been there, done that. Sorry to here it, I would try and find someone to take his place. Bad choices have consequences. Perhaps he'll learn this now...

[rharvey999]

Some of the hardest things I have ever had to do were to stick to the rules with my kids. When deals were made (such as yours) and they did not live up to their end of the bargain, regardless of the reason, I had to follow through with my end.

 

As they are now grown it seems to have shown results. They now know that a promise is a promise, a deal is a deal and that a person's word is sacred in our family.

 

That being said I hope he can do something to bring that grade up and graduate with his class. Keep on him but don't feel bad about living up to your part of the bargain. No graduation = no cruise.

Edited April 6, 2014 by rharvey999

[MrsPete]

Never make a threat to a child if you're not willing to follow through with it.

Never fail to follow through with the consequence (or reward).

 

You agreed he was to pass his classes. He did not do it. Regardless of whether he drew a tough teacher or just didn't put in the effort, this is not a matter of one mistake. It's about a pattern of choices -- homework, studying for tests, keeping up with the reading, asking for help when he realized bad grades were starting to roll in.

 

If you give him a reward even though he didn't meet your requirements, you're contributing to "kids today".

[newbiecruiser09]

I would try and find out what the problem is - if he's passing his other classes, there may be something about this particular pclass which is an issue.

For example, my son is taking AP chem & has a horrible teacher. I've seen the class notes the man gives and the emails he sends to the kids, he doesn't actually teach so the kids are working in a group & pretty much teaching themselves the material & none of the kids are really doing well in the class.

 

The other thing, are you sure all the grades are in. Our teachers will have placeholder 0's in for some grades if they haven't finished grading an assignment yet. I really hate it because it totally throws you off when you look at the grades on-line.

 

Either way, hopefully he can pick it up & graduate and get an awesome. Cruise too!

 

Agree with this poster. Sounds like your son's AP Chem teacher is moonlighting as an English teacher in VA! (my son is doing fine in the AP classes but his English teacher is horrible and everyone in the class is suffering) Find out why he is failing and by how much (is it close to passing or way off) If there are reasonable "excuses" I may be willing to give him another benchmark to meet(like all passing by May 1) but if he doesn't then I'd take someone else

[Langley Cruisers]

Forgive me, but why are his parents not taking a stand? Are they in the picture? You are his Aunt and I don't think it's up to you to find out what any problems are, do you? Perhaps you made the offer assuming he would pass his classes and graduate. It's never fun to revoke an offer but if you put a condition on it, then you should be willing to abide by your own condition.

[MommaBear55]

Never make a threat to a child if you're not willing to follow through with it.

Never fail to follow through with the consequence (or reward).

 

You agreed he was to pass his classes. He did not do it. Regardless of whether he drew a tough teacher or just didn't put in the effort, this is not a matter of one mistake. It's about a pattern of choices -- homework, studying for tests, keeping up with the reading, asking for help when he realized bad grades were starting to roll in.

 

If you give him a reward even though he didn't meet your requirements, you're contributing to "kids today".

 

Some of the hardest things I have ever had to do were to stick to the rules with my kids. When deals were made (such as yours) and they did not live up to their end of the bargain, regardless of the reason, I had to follow through with my end.

 

As they are now grown it seems to have shown results. They now know that a promise is a promise, a deal is a deal and that a person's word is sacred in our family.

 

That being said I hope he can do something to bring that grade up and graduate with his class. Keep on him but don't feel bad about living up to your part of the bargain. No graduation = no cruise.

 

Agree 100% with both posters. You set the guidelines, for whatever reason he did not meet the standard, so therefore no cruise. As we always told our kids "It's tough, love!" You are actually doing him more of a favor by sticking to your guns than you are by giving him the trip.

 

I would also offer to support him so he can pull his grades up and graduate with his class. Does he need tutoring? Structure? A cheerleader? A cattle prod? I also know sometimes in a teen's life that an adult can be more effective in influencing that teen than the parents. I will be forever grateful for those people who were there for my kids when my kids thought I was useless, dumb, old fashioned. I got very intelligent again when they turned 18!

[mtebor]

Thanks everyone for the comments.

 

This isn't the first time I tried to use a cruise as a carrot for him. His course load is small so I know he has the time. Last quarter he failed gym class. For whatever excuse he usually wasn't prepared. School wasn't as high of a priority as work was. He was working over 30 per week....until now. Dad made him quite his job today.

 

 

My nephews, to their demise, know that I am a man of my word and I mean what I say. So as much as I was going to enjoy this trip with him, I guess we will both be disappointed.

 

I am proud of him for the fact he signed up for the Marine Corp. Lucky for him his enlistment date isn't until November so even if he doesn't pass now, he will have plenty of time. Hopefully the corp will get him in line. He is good kid but needs proper motivation.

 

Something about the 17-22 crowd today that I noticed, it seems like they lose their common sense and sanity for a few years.

 

btw, I spoke to a friend whose daughter graduated 2 years ago from the same school and there was about a dozen kids who didn't graduate on time because they failed GYM! Gym class for me was always a class that raised my overall average

[booboojoy]

I am sorry to hear this. I m also taking my grandson on a graduation cruise. a few weeks ago he got a letter saying he was failing math... we went to teacher and he went to teacher and tthey made a plan to get his grade up..and he did...its a c average now. anyway we never spoke about the cruise through tthis...it wasn't important for him to worry about that..he needed to concentrate on his studies. goodluck.

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

Does he really intensely want to go on the cruise? It seems to me that if he does, he would be seeing you and bargaining as best as he is able to work out a deal with you, any deal.

 

If he has not come to you with a concilatory offer or some bargaining chip, maybe his heart isn't in it. It could be something as quirky as not wanting to cruise with his aunt or uncle. Perhaps he'd rather wait until he can cruise with friends his own age.

 

I may be entirely off base with these ideas, but I know I have one son who is a champion, ardent negotiator when he wants something from his parents. Your nephew hasn't taken that initative yet, so I do wonder about how committed he is to the cruise.

[mtebor]

Does he really intensely want to go on the cruise? It seems to me that if he does, he would be seeing you and bargaining as best as he is able to work out a deal with you, any deal.

 

If he has not come to you with a concilatory offer or some bargaining chip, maybe his heart isn't in it. It could be something as quirky as not wanting to cruise with his aunt or uncle. Perhaps he'd rather wait until he can cruise with friends his own age.

 

I may be entirely off base with these ideas, but I know I have one son who is a champion, ardent negotiator when he wants something from his parents. Your nephew hasn't taken that initative yet, so I do wonder about how committed he is to the cruise.

 

 

been wondering the same thing.

[summersigh]

Been there, done that. Sorry to here it, I would try and find someone to take his place. Bad choices have consequences. Perhaps he'll learn this now...

 

As a retired teacher ... I totally agree. Kids today are given so many chances many, many do not believe there are consequences. He's months from being an adult.:(

[swsf99a]

If he failed gym class in the past, how is he going to be a Marine? For his sake and yours, I hope he can make it.

[mtebor]

As a retired teacher ... I totally agree. Kids today are given so many chances many, many do not believe there are consequences. He's months from being an adult.:(

 

He is 18 so isn't he already an adult?

 

In regards to gym class, he is in great shape. He is so focused on the Military that he is always wearing his Military boots. I can't recall the last time I saw him wear sneakers.

 

He definitely needs to be more responsible

[Big_G]

If he failed gym class in the past, how is he going to be a Marine? For his sake and yours, I hope he can make it.

 

Lack of fitness isn't always a prerequisite for failing gym class.

[shipshape sam]

I am so frustrated. I was planning on taking my nephew on his first cruise(Allure) as a graduation present. There was one thing he had do and that was be passing all his classes on April 1st. If not, told him that I would cancel him.

 

Well report cards are coming out and sure enough he is failing one of his main subjects and might NOT graduate.

 

To me there is absolutely no excuse for this and now I am debating on cancelling the extra room we were staying in or trying to get someone else to take his spot. I have one week to decide.

 

I am ticked off as I have been making payment for over a year and now this. I don't understand kids today.

 

sorry I had to vent

 

 

So sorry, but it will be a lesson of character for you too. Like the saying

'this is going to hurt me more than you' I never understood that saying till I canceled a trip because on a behavior issue by one of my kids as a teenager.

 

I hope you can find a substitute as that may make the point more clearly.

Edited April 7, 2014 by shipshape sam

[booboojoy]

Does he really intensely want to go on the cruise? It seems to me that if he does, he would be seeing you and bargaining as best as he is able to work out a deal with you, any deal.

 

If he has not come to you with a concilatory offer or some bargaining chip, maybe his heart isn't in it. It could be something as quirky as not wanting to cruise with his aunt or uncle. Perhaps he'd rather wait until he can cruise with friends his own age.

 

I may be entirely off base with these ideas, but I know I have one son who is a champion, ardent negotiator when he wants something from his parents. Your nephew hasn't taken that initative yet, so I do wonder about how committed he is to the cruise.

 

he really needs to be bargaining with his teachers and school, the cruise is not the important thing when you have aa kid not graduating

[Roce48]

mtebor,

 

"To me there is absolutely no excuse for this". If you truly mean this, then you must cancel his reservation.

 

 

But remember, there is always a reason for an outcome. There can be many reasons that we don't see or understand.

 

 

START A NEW CONTRACT!

We all may shine in one area, and may be challenged in another. Why not give your nephew another way to earn his cruise with you? Ask him to use his positive attributes to somehow earn enough merit for you to take him, or ask him to conquer another challenge to gain the cruise.

[Mouse's Shadow]

Thanks everyone for the comments.

 

 

 

My nephews, to their demise, know that I am a man of my word and I mean what I say. So as much as I was going to enjoy this trip with him, I guess we will both be disappointed.

 

 

Good for you for sticking to the original agreement. It's our jobs as grownups to prepare our kids to be productive adults. It's never easy to deny kids life's pleasures. Life's choices have consequences. It's best they learn that lesson before they become adults. The world doesn't care about what excuses they might have. You either perform or you get left behind.

[wassup4565]

High school is a war zone. Not like it was back in the day. Kids schmooze for marks and treat their teachers out for dinner to splain away missed assignments. Maybe this kid doesn't know how to schmooze for marks or isn't sophisticated enough to know how to invite Ol' Teach out for a prime rib dinner.

 

In any case, you are not the parent, and the job of guiding the child to academic excellence is the parents'. Your job as an aunt/uncle or grandparent is to provide unconditional love. God knows, the kid will get enough criticism all round, from every direction. So all you have to do is give love, unstintingly, without restraint, with no conditions.

 

Take the kid on the cruise, and ask what is going wrong with school. You might be surprised at what you find out.

Edited April 7, 2014 by wassup4565