Recently widowed, trying to move forward

[kitcrazy]

Okay, deep breath, here goes!  I am recently widowed, very unexpectedly, and I am still in my fifties.  My husband had just recently retired (young), and we were all set to spend the next 20-30 years traveling.  We were fortunate to have done a lot of traveling in the 30 years we were married (we were up to 53 countries), but the best was yet to come.  Alas, the best laid plans ....

 

So I am trying to move forward from losing the love of my life, and needless to say, finding it very hard.  I have decided that I want to travel over the holiday season in December this year, both as a way to do something different from the usual (which it won't be), and to push myself to travel alone.  I have decided that a cruise might be the best option as it requires relatively little planning on my part (I don't need to think very much about what to eat or what to do), and it will permit me solitude if I need it (as compared to a organized tour).  I've done a little research and I've thought a little bit about what I'm leaning towards, but I don't know what I don't know.  So please help me in any way that you think I might need it.

 

Here's what I've observed and thought about so far;

• Where should I look for good solo fares?  Most of the cruise line websites seem to price for double occupancy and only tell you the single price when you get deeper in.  I've tried lines that are supposed to have solo cabins, but I can't seem to access them ... I think they must sell out fast.
• I'd like to depart from somewhere in North America as I don't want to go too far on this first foray.  I think that means pretty much the Caribbean or Mexico.
• Thinking 6-9 days, leaving December 18 or later.
• While money is not the only or first criteria, I am not independently wealthy, so I can't go crazy expensive.
• Any things I should consider that I haven't yet thought about?
• Any tips for once I am on board?  How should I do this so as not to have a complete meltdown?  I don't want to regret this decision, so I want to set myself up for success.

 

If you've been through this or a similar experience, please give me your advice.  Quite honestly, I'm terrified.  I've travel for business alone all the time, but leisure travel was always with my spouse, so I know this will be difficult for me.  But I also know that I need to push myself to step outside my comfort zone, so here I am!!

 

 

[boulders]

There's an online travel agent that makes searching for solo fares relatively easy. It's the one that comes up first after the ads and after cruisecritic when I do a google search for solo fares cruises. 

 

Hugs to you. I was widowed unexpectedly many years ago when I was in my forties, so I know your pain. I've done quite a few cruises after being widowed.  Actually, I didn't cruise until I was widowed. I love that someone else takes care of the details of where to eat for dinner and how to get from port A to port B. That was the scariest part of travelling by myself. 

 

I like the cruises that had extended family groups the best - Holland America and to a lesser extent Disney and Royal Caribbean. Holland America especially has pretty good solo fares all the time. I'm going on an 11 night Celebrity Caribbean cruise in a few months as they had an excellent solo fare for a cruise I wanted a few weeks ago. I haven't been on Celebrity before. That fare is gone now. I didn't like my Princess Alaskan cruises as that seemed to be all couples and that was a little triggering. 

 

The solo cabins look tiny to me. I think I'd be claustrophobic and I sailed in an inside for 24 days with my 3 kids. If you wait until after final payment date, you should be able to get a good fare for whatever cabins are available. 

 

Join your roll call and go to the meet and greet. That way, you can set up excursions with others and have some familiar faces once on board. 

 

Once on board, ime, get a table with others in the MDR at dinner rather than eating alone. For breakfast and lunch, I usually eat in the cabin or in one of the restaurants. The lido is not set up for singles. There was a recent thread in this subforum discussing that issue. 

[whee-sailing]

If you read through some of the other topics on the Solo Cruisers board you'll find many tips for solo cruisers.

 

This site is always recommended as the place to find fares with low or no single supplement: https://www.cruiseplum.com/solo-supplement-deals

[mamacol]

I am so sorry for your loss.  It must be so hard, but you seem to be making steps to take care of yourself. My first solo cruise as well. I am newly separated,  and am taking a Christmas cruise to provide space between my husband and I, and to allow my kids to have time with each of us, alone.  No idea if I am doing the right thing, but - plunging ahead!

 

I have booked the Celebrity Solstice out of Los Angeles, leaving December 19th.  They had a great solo rate, but I don't know what they are charging now.  Just 7 days to Mexico and back, Christmas in port in Ensenada, which will probably be shuttered up tight, but I need to do something new.  I am looking forward to a whale watching trip in Puerto Vallarta.  We have a roll call if you want to see who else is joining this trip.  Virtual hugs to you

Colleen

[kitcrazy]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses.  I've done it!!!  I went on a recommended website and was able to get a 10-day cruise on the Caribbean Princess to Panama Canal, Costa Rica & the Caribbean at an excellent price with a zero single supplement.  It leaves on December 18, so I will be away over Christmas. I still have moments of regret -- wondering if I'll end up having days where I stay in my cabin and cry -- but it's too late to change my mind since it's fully paid up! If anyone has some tips on how to cope, I'm all ears.

[kikimom]

My husband passed unexpectedly earlier this year.  I took my first solo cruise two weeks ago - a short 5 day to Nassau.  Sort of a test trip prior to a three week adventure to Rome with a 17 day transatlantic cruise to NYC that I'm taking next month.

 

I really enjoyed the freedom that traveling solo provides - not having to share the cabin.  Going to bed & rising when I wanted.  Doing whatever I chose to do.  I found it very easy to strike up conversations and met some fabulous people.  There were times I keenly missed my husband, so I took time to remember the great vacations we'd had & shed a few tears.  But, I'm determined to focus on the positives.  I learned long ago that I can determine my mood by choosing to be grateful and joyful for past experiences, current situations, and adventures to come.

 

Hope you have a terrific trip!

Edited October 12, 2022 by kikimom
grammar errors

[boulders]

22 hours ago, kitcrazy said:

Thank you everyone for your kind responses.  I've done it!!!  I went on a recommended website and was able to get a 10-day cruise on the Caribbean Princess to Panama Canal, Costa Rica & the Caribbean at an excellent price with a zero single supplement.  It leaves on December 18, so I will be away over Christmas. I still have moments of regret -- wondering if I'll end up having days where I stay in my cabin and cry -- but it's too late to change my mind since it's fully paid up! If anyone has some tips on how to cope, I'm all ears.

 

Congratulations!  I'm doing a very similar itinerary in January with Celebrity. 

 

It's OK to cry!!! You are still grieving. Let yourself cry for a bit and then go out and have fun!  Make sure to prebook your excursions so that you have a time and a place to be on certain days. Get a massage/manicure/pedicure. Play bingo and/or slots. Enjoy yourself.

 

Although part of me died with my dh, the rest of me is still here and I get to do things that I never would have done with dh around. 

Edited October 13, 2022 by boulders

[FenixRising]

Sorry for your loss.

 

Traveling solo can be scary. Remember that as a general rule, cruisers are a pretty friendly bunch. If you feel like being around others, then you are free to do so and should feel welcome. If you feel like solitude, you can get that too.

Do what you want when you want. The only person that you have to answer to is you. Want donuts for dinner? Why not? Sleep in until noon? Sure, why not. It's your vacation, do what you want.

The cruise lines that I have been on have solo travelers meetups. Might be worth while to go and see if you can find an excursion buddy. Take advantage of the excursions. They can be very interesting. Go to the trivia games. A lot of the time you can join a team so it's not you against everyone else. You can sit alone in the MDR if you want to, or you can ask to be seated at a group table with other solo travelers. I usually get seated at a table by the window so I can watch the ocean go by.

Take advantage of the shows on board. Comedians, magicians, musicals are available most nights in the theater.

Most of all try to have a good time. Recognize that if you need alone time, that's okay too.

🙂

[carol louise]

I cruised alone 2009 a couple years after my husband had died. I enjoyed it a lot. Here are things I was glad I did:

 

Elected fixed dining (rather than anytime) for dinner. I understand on Princess nowadays you can elect to eat at a specific time, and with others, though not necessarily the same people but those who arrive when you do. Lunch and breakfast I went to alone in the Lido, but was rarely alone for long. Looked for a friendly couple or family and asked if I could join them or I sat alone and others came to me. People are so relaxed and friendly on a cruise.

 

Book some excursions ahead of time, so at least some of your days have structure. 
 

Join the roll call and arrange to meet up with them early in the cruise: we got together at the aft Lido bar immediately after lifeboat drill. That way you’ll have some friendly faces to greet now and then as the cruise progresses and you run into them here and there.

 

Nap if you want to. My late afternoons dozing on my balcony gave me energy for really fun late-nite people watching and exploring after the shows were over. Change your mind however often you want; no need to consult a travel companion.

 

And feel sad now and then if it strikes. Bring nice music to listen to.

 

Best wishes,

CL

[SargassoPirate]

While not widowed, She Who Must Be Obeyed does not enjoy cruising as much as I do - motion sickness issues - so I cruise alone.  

 

I book insides since I'm only in the cabin to sleep and shower/change clothes.  The rest of the time I enjoy the same ship that those paying a lot more for the cruise do.

 

I enjoy the freedom of doing what I want, when I want, without a requiring a committee decision.  If I choose to stay on the ship on a port day, I do so.  If I decide to avoid another over-amplified production show, I do so.  I avoid the MDR in the evenings since it can suck up so much time and instead enjoy a quiet dinner in the buffet followed by a wee dram in one of the live music venues.

 

I find that I can be alone without being lonely.  A smile and a raised glass by way of greeting often sparks a conversation.  SWMBO informs me that it's more difficult for a single woman to do that, but on a cruise a couple of years ago I had a woman sit down in one of the lounges at a table next to mine.  As her drink was delivered, she made eye contact with me, raised her glass and said "good evening".  She was there the next evening and we shared a table and travel stories.  She shared that she was around 25 years older than me but was not looking for a boy toy.  I laughed and said I was well beyond the age of being a boy toy, so she had nothing to worry about. She was recently widowed and said she enjoyed some male company and conversation in the evenings.  We often ran into each other around the ship and would always visit a bit.

 

She was well traveled and had decided to continue travelling, albeit on her own and sometimes with "girlfriends".  She said, I'm not going to sit at home and miss out on the rest of my life.

 

 

 

[WELDON]

Several years ago, I was on the same cruise you are taking, also on Caribbean Princess.  I had fixed dining but only went a few times because  even though I was at a large table, I was the only solo. I felt like a fifth wheel. The dinner took a lot of time. So I went to the buffet the other nights.

I also recommend going to activities that are offered. On my cruise, these was a mask decorating activity (I still have mine). It was suggested to wear the mask that evening and a lot of us did. Other passengers wanted to know where we got the mask. 

Another activity was steel pan music. The steel pans were set up and the instructor taught us how to play. There were several sessions including a rehearsal and it culminated in us performing in the piazza. You will start talking and meeting people at these events. 

The theater on this ship is small so going early is best. I hope you enjoy this trip as much as I did.

[RedgeToo]

On 10/11/2022 at 7:16 PM, whee-sailing said:

If you read through some of the other topics on the Solo Cruisers board you'll find many tips for solo cruisers.

 

This site is always recommended as the place to find fares with low or no single supplement: https://www.cruiseplum.com/solo-supplement-deals

Does anyone know if there's a UK edition of cruiseplum?

 

Thanks

[FenixRising]

6 hours ago, RedgeToo said:

Does anyone know if there's a UK edition of cruiseplum?

 

Thanks

I haven't heard of one but not being in the UK, not surprising. You might have better luck asking in the UK forum.

Good luck 🙂

[RedgeToo]

On 10/16/2022 at 8:57 PM, FenixRising said:

You might have better luck asking in the UK forum.

Good luck 🙂

Duh!

 

Why didn't I think of that!

 

Thanks!

[cruising sister]

I am a recent widow and my son died unexpectedly 5 months later. I am looking for a solo cruise to try out before my Holland America Grand Australia cruise I have booked for 2024. 
I will look on the website listed here and jump into it. You may cry but that’s ok. First steps are always the hardest. 

[dwc13]

Condolences on your loss. 

 

Others have made some really great suggestions. I'll add my $0.02:

 

While at port, before departing the ship make sure you are clear about ship time, all-aboard time, and local time. Ship time is most important, as all-aboard time and sailaway time are based upon it. Note that ship time, which can change during the cruise, might be different from local time. You should be notified by the ship's daily planner document/app and often via announcement when there is will be a change to ship time. Also note the time on your smartphone might not be the same as ship time or local time. Leave yourself plenty of time to return to the ship before all-aboard time. I wasn't clear whether you have cruised before, so if you have, my apologies for including the above.

 

Find out where the cruise ship port is located for each stop and use Google Maps to see what is nearby. Some ports are more conducive to doing your own thing because of the close proximity of places/attractions you are interested in and/or the availability & ease of reliable public transportation to get you where you need to go.

 

Research the excursions that are available on your cruise to help identify ones that are of significant interest. It's never a bad idea to pace yourself and have some downtime, especially if you're not used to the local weather (heat & humidity or cold & windy). Sometimes good discounts on excursions are offered on pre-cruise bookings.

 

Rooms on older ships often have only 2 available electrical outlets. Many don't have USB Type A ports for charging cellphones and tablets, so a phone charger is needed. Sometimes electrical outlets and USB ports are located nowhere near the bed. If that's an issue, consider buying a longer USB cord (10') for use when charging your smartphone/tablet. That way you can enjoy reading an e-book on a plugged-in tablet from the comfort of your bed without draining its battery. 

 

Before storing items in the in-room safe, test it out and make sure it is functioning properly. If you see a low battery indicator, contact your room attendant/guest services. A failed battery can lead to the safe having to be drilled open if the code was scrambled. Not something you want on a port day when you need your passport/government issued ID.

 

Make arrangements to have bills paid while you are away and enjoying your cruise, as you have done for previous travels. You don't want to be on a ship and unable/unwilling to make such arrangements. Internet service on a cruise ship can be great, it can be downright awful, or something in between; thus, it's better not to have to access your accounts while onboard. Because of the nature of cruising, you're rarely going to be in port long enough to make it worthwhile to buy & implement a local SIM unless it's a real emergency. And if one arises, hopefully you already have a VPN installed on your phone/tablet. 

 

Enjoy your cruise. 

 

 

[PG_traveller]

My deepest condolences on your loss. It sounds like you have a good plan in place, and a good attitude. I have been widowed for almost ten years. It does get easier with time. 

 

I am planning my first solo cruise for next year. I will take each day as it comes. If I feel like reading on my balcony, I will do that. If I feel like being around people up on deck, I will do that. Pamper yourself. Take time to discover what you really like to do. 

 

I hope it all goes smoothly and that you have a lovely time. I'm sure your husband would want that for you.

[mnocket]

MSC is currently offering 80% off their single supplement.  However, the only way I recommend MSC is to book the Yacht Club...  I HIGHLY recommend the Yacht Club.  You can economize by booking an interior Yacht Club room - in the Caribbean you really won't be spending much time in your cabin.