A Voyage of Ups and Downs - A P&O Arcadia Diary

[JakTar]

This is the (overlong?) diary of a solo passenger’s 12-night, round-trip Iberian cruise from Southampton which may be of some interest to those contemplating a similar cruise.

 

Saturday 09 December 2023 - Day 1 - Southampton

 

Four middle-aged ladies are seated in front of me on a direct train from Manchester to Southampton. They’re going on a Xmas Markets cruise and discuss, at considerable length, the preparation of potatoes for Xmas dinner. Not surprisingly, in a group setting, one plays the part of the dominant male making the conversation more of a monologue...and she barely pauses for breath during the four-hour journey time.

My first cruise aboard a P&O vessel is to be on the (almost) 20-year-old Arcadia, the second oldest and second smallest of the fleet, and my inside cabin is so far forward on deck 5 that it’s very nearly an outside cabin.

What’s this? No queues at Reception stretching twice round the ship? And I don't even have to wait because one of the team approaches me to ask if they can help? My dining arrangements are explained - I'm on Freedom Dining which means I can eat at any time in the Meridian Restaurant’s lower level on Deck 2 or, of course, the Belvedere Restaurant’s buffet on Deck 9. I settle into a comfortable armchair by the Xmas tree to read my copy of Horizon, the daily, 4-page, what’s-on guide, whilst a brass quintet plays seasonal classics. No solos get-together is scheduled for this evening, although at 5pm there is an LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ... get-together. Would they let me attend if I was a dealer in trinkets and knick-knacks? I’d say I was buy-curios.

The Belevdere is open so I head up for lemon drizzle cake and coffee. And how do I ensure my food isn’t taken away whilst I’m away from my table? A waiter tells me that cutlery set at quarter past or quarter to the hour, or both, should do the trick.

At 5pm, whilst watching football in the comfortable Rising Sun pub, Captain Chris Bourne announces that: checks have been completed and we’re about to slip our moorings; the ship may heel as it makes 20-30 degree turns through the narrows; sea conditions may mean that the pilot can't be dropped off until after midnight at Brixham; and, wind speeds of 50 knots and 5-6 metre waves are expected tomorrow in the Bay of Biscay.

What’s this? There’s a launderette on my deck (and above and below) with three washing machines and three driers - and they’re free to use? In the corridor, my cabin steward from Goa introduces himself.

I listen to classical guitar in the Crow's Nest as we drift gently away with shore lights twinkling in the distance, then go for dinner an hour later in the Meridian. I’m happy to share a table and am seated at a table of eight as the wobbles begin in earnest. After my soup, I stagger the length of the ship back to my cabin to take an anti-wobble pill. On the way back, I pass the early evening quiz in the Spinnaker Bar where they’re going through the answers. Who wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Truth be told, I’d never have guessed the answer in a million years. Make that 007 million!

My vegetarian mains of Courgette Noodles (Fresh Coconut, Chopped Brazil Nuts and a Soft Herb Emulsion) proves to be quite the talking point. I tentatively pick at the unattractive green slime I’ve been served and discover that it actually tastes fine. Fellow diners include a couple who like dancing (there’s ballroom and sequence dancing tonight at 9.30) and another couple on Deck 8 who tell me, “The more you pay the more you sway.”

Tonight’s presentation in the 3-tier Palladium Theatre is On The Horizon. It’s a traditional, British cruise song and dance show which, like the ship, is very up and down, but kudos to the dancers from the ship’s company for coping with it.

After the 45-minute set from Craig the Busker in the Rising Sun, I go for a late-night snack in the Belvedere (open till 1am, although tea and coffee are available 24/7) where wheelchair-bound guests have to get out of their chair to reach the tap and soap if they prefer to wash their hands rather than use the hand sanitiser.

 

Sunday 10 December 2023 - Day 2 - At Sea

 

This is my first cruise where the what’s-on guide doesn't include, restaurant, bar, shop and desk times but has to print these on a separate insert.

I had little sleep last night with the constant creaking and groaning. It might have been the ship or it might have been me. On my way up to breakfast I tell my cabin steward not to bother making up the cabin - just empty the bins, please.

I start the day with a coffee and a jam doughnut as the captain tells us the wind speed was 60 knots last night. It’s currently 30 knots and there’s a 3 metre swell, but that's expected to increase to 6 metres during the day. In preparation, I've already taken a second anti-wobble pill.

A Solos Travellers Sea Day Get Together has been scheduled for 9.30am up in the Crow’s Nest. By the time I arrive there are already about thirty solos chatting in small groups, mostly elderly (not that I’m a spring (or even, summer) chicken) although there’s one, young, pretty Asian girl who, unsurprisingly, proves popular. The get-together isn’t really hosted: one of the staff introduces herself to tell us - same time, same place, every day. Tea and coffee is offered, and cruise prices are compared. I listen in and am not surprised to learn that better cabins at cheaper prices were obtained by those who booked later than me.

The rest of the morning is spent at the crowded line dance lesson, the busy social foxtrot lesson and browsing in the shops. What’s this? No seasickness pills on sale? I’m told they’re available for free from Reception! And how does our shop assistant cope with the wobbles? When he first started he drank water and ate green apples whilst trying to look at the horizon. Pills were only required when sailing through the Drake Passage.

After looking in on the well-stocked library on Deck 3 where the window seats are taken by jigsaw enthusiasts, I grab a quick lunch in the Belvedere before going to The Palladium for a lecture about Johnny Walker RN - The Scourge of the U-Boats. Tony Green may not be as charismatic a storyteller as Ben McIntyre (a guest speaker when I was last on the QM2), but he probably has better credentials, being an ex-Marine who served in Belfast and the Falklands War. It’s an eye-opening account of the most successful anti-submarine warfare commander during the Battle of the Atlantic, tragically worked to death, in July 1944 at the age of 48!

The social foxtrot lesson part 2 then afternoon tea is followed by a standing-room-only Classical Recital with Jorge Carlo Mariani (tenor) and Varvara Tarasova (pianist) in The Globe at 5pm. It features a variety of genres including a Mexican shepherd's song which requires Jorge to switch between tenor and falsetto.

At 5.30pm in the Spinnaker Bar there’s an individual quiz, i.e. no teams. I listen in having missed the start. Which US state is known as VA in the postal service? Apparently, the answer isn’t Vashington! I’m seated at the bar where one of the barmen mutters his answers. I suggest he might do so more quietly. A further suggestion follows from the captain: regarding the rough seas - passengers are advised, “… not to leave anything to roll around in your drawers in case it disturbs you in the night.”

Thankfully, I’m sat at a more centrally-located table for tonight’s black tie dinner (I wear a dark suit) in the Meridian. I chat with an ex-policewoman who dreams of visiting a rhino sanctuary, and an NHS ambulance coordinator and preacher who lost his sense of taste during COVID.

Tonight’s headline act in The Palladium is William Caulfield, “one of Ireland’s best loved comedians” apparently. Unfortunately, the lazy telling of interminable stories that I first heard decades ago means that I don’t have any love to give.

I watch the dancing at the Gala Ball in The Globe because it’s too wobbly for me to even think of joining in. Late night, The Globe becomes the nightclub and tonight five people are in attendance, including the barmen and the DJ.

 

Monday 11 December 2023 - Day 3 - At Sea

 

I took half a sleeping aid last night after two mugs crashing to the cabin floor woke me up so, yes, we’re still bouncing through Biscay Bay. The captain tells us that we hit a couple of potholes last night (I felt them) and we're caught in between two swells: one from the southwest and one from the northwest but, as we round Cape Finisterre heading towards Lisbon, the swells will lessen.

Large queues sometimes form at the poolside entrances to the buffet as there are only two wash basins which many, like me, prefer to hand sanitiser. After a coffee and a doughnut I take photos of the sea through one of the glass lifts then head for the solos get-together which is so busy it's spilled out of its designated corner in the Crow’s Nest.

Our dance instructor at this morning’s cha-cha class is at pains to explain that her husband is her dance assistant and not a teacher. Maybe so, but he ought to notice that his partner for the lesson keeps placing her outside rather than inside leg forward for the New Yorker and hand-to-hand.

On the way to lunch in the Belvedere, after listening in on the ship's choir who will probably put on a performance at the end of the cruise, others in the glass lift opine that the crossing of the Bay of Biscay has been the worst they've ever experienced. I have very tasty mushroom strudel, chickpea masala and rice, then go and listen to an interesting art gallery talk on Jack Vettriano and Fabian Perez given in The Globe.

This afternoon’s naval lecture in The Palladium is entitled The Battle of Drobak Sound, where the German invasion of Norway was confounded by, “50 year old guns and 35 year old torpedoes in a 100 year old fort commanded by a 65 year old.” I’m also confounded - by the convoluted nature of the talk, so leave early for more strudel, chickpea masala and rice by a picture window looking out to a (now, relatively) calm sea.

After a fine mid-afternoon classical concert ending with Nessun Dorma, a rather over-baked aria these days, I go for afternoon tea only to find that today's scones are rather under-baked. Afterwards, I relax in the quiet of the East Bar on Sky Deck 11 midships which affords fine views out to sea and also to the great rust holes in the vast, retractable roof covering the Lido Deck pool below.

A busy early evening includes: the Singles Mingle in the East Bar, the individual quiz in The Rising Sun (the winner got 19 out of 20! I barely got half that!) and listening to cocktail pianist Hannah Gerendas’ 45-minute set in the Piano Bar.

It's 70s night in The Globe with Pulse, the resident pop band, whilst tonight’s headline show in The Palladium is Killer Queen. It’s standing room only and I find myself next to the pretty Asian girl from the first solos get-together. Surely she’s too young to remember Queen? Maybe so, but she’s still a fan.

During the cocktail pianist’s final set of the night she's unexpectedly joined by Chris from Pulse for her last song - My Girl. It’s impromptu excellence and a lot of fun.

 

Tuesday 12 December 2023 - Day 4 - Lisbon

 

The ship docks at 8am and my breakfast is to the accompaniment of non-stop coughing behind me. The day is cloudy but dry, and warm, and how nice it is to be able to walk in a straight line. The all-aboard time is 4.30pm so I’ll re-acquaint myself with the city rather than venture further afield.

It feels good to be back on solid ground except, it isn’t - the earthquake of 1755 all but destroyed the city. A tourist information guy at the cruise terminal tells me I can get an all-day travel ticket at the nearby Santa Apolónia railway station where I buy an all-day travel card for €7.10 then take bus 728 (though any 7xx bus should be fine) to the Praca do Comercio. It’s only three or four stops to the grand plaza with its centrepiece equestrian statue of King José I, surrounded on three sides by native, neo-classical Pombaline architecture and looking out over the Tagus river. Ah, yes. I remember.

I walk through the grand Rua Augusta Arch along the pedestrianised shopping street with its beautifully decorated paving tiles, passing almost irresistible pastelarias, to the historic, wrought-iron, Santa Justa elevator which transports users up to the square and historic buildings of Largo Do Carmo. The queue is too long so I continue on to the Praca Dos Restauradores which is where the ship’s shuttle (£4 each way) would be dropping passengers off. The Horizon quotes a journey time of approximately 45 minutes - that’s very approximate because it isn’t even half that. At the centre of the plaza, with its Xmas market and wavy paving tiles, is an obelisk commemorating Portugal’s independence from Spain.

I backtrack towards the tram stop by Igreja Maria Madalena, on Rua Conceicao, passing the Bastardo Fish Bar which advertises itself as, “the illegitimate son of the portuguese cuisine” and the Armazens Do Chiado shopping centre which, conveniently, has conveniences on the top floor in the food court.

I take the no. 28(E - electrico, i.e. tram. The no. 12 has a similar route) trundling up and down narrow twisting streets all the way to its terminus at Martim Moniz discovering that, from a tourism perspective, there isn’t really anything worth seeing after the (Largo Da) Graca stop with its pleasant-looking neighbourhood shops and cafes.

On the return trip, I get off at one of the city’s famous viewpoints - the terraces and green spaces of the Miradouro de Santa Luzia which overlooks the historic Alfama district and the river. On the wall of the church, amongst the bougainvillea, are two blue-tiled panels: one shows downtown Lisbon before its destruction by the 1755 earthquake and the other shows crusaders storming the castle in 1147. The viewpoint of Miradouro das Portas do Sol is part of the same group of terraces - its name evokes one of the gates of the old city walls.

Instead of waiting in the queue for the Santa Justa elevator, I decide to try and walk up instead. I pass the lift, turn up the hilly street behind it to a set of steps on the right a few yards further on (signposted to a left-luggage store), and less than five minutes later, walking up more steps and an incline, and passing a montage of witty tiles depicting Portugal in the 21st century, I'm at the ruined convent and Largo do Carmo just as it starts to rain. Fortunately, I have my folding umbrella.

There’s no queue to use the elevator going down so I linger awhile taking in the views before descending, then walk to the tram stops back on Praca do Comercio. It's rainy and misty so I decide against going to Belem, 20 minutes away by tram and a little longer by bus, and stroll back along the riverfront to the cruise terminal - it’s only a 15-minute walk.

Oh, dear! A red Bombeiros ambulance with flashing blue lights pulls alongside the ship, followed by a yellow emergency vehicle. A stretcher is wheeled aboard, cases and bags are offloaded and, soon after, so is a passenger.

A tiebreaker question is needed for the individual quiz in the Spinnaker Bar, although I think the winner should have been the guy whose paper I was marking, for the following:

Q. What do you call a baby goat?

A. Steve.

The captain tells us that a large container ship may delay our departure but; unfortunately, it's the requirement of a second ambulance that means we cast off only to re-dock shortly afterwards. By the time we cast off again the rain and mist have cleared so I can take some shots of Lisbon by night such as the Christ statue, the suspension bridge over the river, the Monument of the Discoveries, the disembarking of our pilot and Belem Tower.

Fellow diners in the Meridian tonight include an officer working in Belmarsh Prison, and she has interesting tales to tell about hooch and hash.

 

Wednesday 13 December 2023 - Day 5 - At Sea

 

My morning comprises dance lessons and the lunchtime Battle of the Rising Sun quiz. I'm on the losing team despite answering three of the hard category questions:

- What does the French word ‘ordinateur’ mean?

- What does the Spanish word ‘postre’ mean?

- Which two countries border Lake Titicaca?

The last question brings back happy memories of an amazing month spent travelling in the region.

Whilst enjoying a light buffet lunch of spinach and ricotta ravioli, I spy land on the starboard side. Africa? It must be, especially as Vodafone has sent me a welcome-to-Morocco text. I move across to the port side and Vodafone greets me with a welcome-to-Spain text.

What is the white enclave on the African side? The Turkish restaurant officer I ask calls the bridge where he's told it's Tangier. I check my diaries: it's been almost exactly eleven years since I was in the casbah. As I gaze across to the Atlas Mountains, the tops of which are almost disappearing into the heavy low cloud, a call is made over the tannoy for the medical response team.

The next announcement is happier. Dolphins! There are some on the Spanish side but many more are on the Moroccan side because, of course, Africa is warmer than Europe. I watch for an age, trying, with minimal success, to capture them on camera. I’m more successful later capturing a weather front with a thick blanket of grey cloud right across to the horizon on the African side and clear, blue skies on the European side. I’ve never seen anything like it.

In the individual quiz in the Spinnaker Bar, my efforts to remember the capital of Columbia are interrupted with, "Attention ship's company! Attention ship's company. Hands to flying stations. Hands to flying stations."

Anyone in aft cabins on decks 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 won’t be able to return to their cabins until the medical helicopter has completed its evacuation, and all decks are closed to those not involved in the operation.

An hour later -

1) The helicopter operation has now completed - decks have reopened and the Belvedere restaurant is now open.

2) Due to extreme weather conditions - very strong winds - forecast for Cartagena tomorrow, the call to Cartagena has been cancelled. A berth has been secured in Málaga so we will head there and stay overnight.

That’s disappointing - Cartagena was one of three new ports of call for me. Let’s hope it’ll be ok for Vigo and Cadiz.

At the second Captain’s Gala Reception of the evening (he isn’t available so it’s just an unhosted drinks reception around the pool), there’s just one woman in attendance who shouldn't have been allowed to dress herself - she’s wearing a backless red dress laying bare folds of sagging, wrinkly flesh. Twenty years ago, perhaps...

I’d like to eat in the Meridian tonight but there’s a 30-minute wait to join a table. We’re assured that everyone who receives a pager will be able to dine but I decide not to bother. After a quick bite in The Belvedere I look in on the Gala Ball in The Globe but it's very crowded. Let’s see what else is on. Ah, there's been a change to tonight's featured performance in The Palladium and, instead of Mr Tinkerton’s Clockwork Circus, we have our "comedian" from a couple of nights ago. On the plus side, it’s not as bad as two nights ago. On the minus side, it’s worse. Well, it’s been an unsuccessful night, but at least I’m still on the ship.

 

Thursday 14 December 2023 - Day 6 - Malaga

 

There are four juice stations in the Belvedere but only two are ever working, and you can generally expect a coffee machine and a hot water dispenser to be out of commission also. Hence, I have a 90-minute breakfast - mostly spent queueing at various stations and searching for a table. Afterwards, I chat with my cabin steward: he’s been with P&O for 28 years, looks after 20 cabins, and goes home to his wife and two children in January at the start of the world cruise and returns three months later.

It’s sunny but cool as I board the complementary shuttle service running throughout the day between the ship and the entrance to the marina, passing the Dynasty superyacht (undergoing maintenance), restaurants, shops and a Xmas market. Across from the entrance is the tourist information office and next to the entrance is the bus station where a bus to the pretty coastal town of Nerja is due to leave shortly. A return ticket costs €9.41 and the comfortable journey takes 70 minutes.

Now how do I get to the famously attractive promenade - the white-arched and tree-lined Balcon de Europa? As I only discovered later, by turning right at the first roundabout past the bus terminal, not the second! If there was a signpost to the Balcon, I missed it.

Nerja is better out of season: warm, pretty and with relatively few tourists. I take in the views whilst listening to a busking guitarist then walk down some steps and along the decorated switchback path down to the beach and around the promontory, taking photos of a cormorant resting on a rocky ledge. After more wandering through the plaza and the adjacent backstreets it’s time to find my way back, and a stroll along Calle Pintada brings me to the small, tree-shaded Plaza Cantarero by the roundabout nearest the bus terminus which is where I should have turned down when I arrived.

On the bus back to Malaga there's like three American girls like talking in their like loud, whiny like permanently-surprised way like ruining... well, not only the journey into like the setting sun, but also like the English like language.

The first of the thrice-nightly Xmas sound and light shows on Calle Larios, Malaga’s main shopping street, is about to begin. Hundreds have turned out, and most join in with favourites such as Feliz Navidad and Hacia Belen Va Una Burra. It’s lovely. Had the call to Cartagena not been cancelled we might not have been able to see this.

It’s curious that washing and/or sanitising hands is heavily encouraged in the Belvedere but not the Meridian restaurant. Are the menus wiped down after each use? Our dining table includes a solo originally from Romania who barely pauses for breath from the time the table fills until its clearing. Isn’t she supposed to be on the Xmas cruise?

Tonight we do have Mr Tinkerton’s Clockwork Circus which I learn is a popular show put on by P&O’s theatre companies across the fleet. Afterwards, I’m in The Globe where Pulse are playing cheesy hits and one-hit wonders. There’s a bit of bar staff dancing, but not enough - the atmosphere is always much better when bar staff join in.

 

Friday 15 December 2023 - Day 7 - Malaga

 

I have a breakfast chatting with our Chinese solo who now lives in London. Unfortunately, her horse-riding excursion yesterday was cancelled, she failed to find an equine alternative locally and when she went to visit the Picasso museum instead, it was closed. She's hoping for a much better day today.

I rest until noon then head out for an expedition on another warm-ish, sunny day - to find the coastal bus route between Benalmadena Costa and Malaga because the train that runs between Malaga and Fuengirola doesn’t follow the coast. The nearest train station to the ship, Malaga Centro Alameda, is a 10-minute walk from the port and a cleaning lady advises me not to bother with buying a return ticket from a machine - just tap in and tap out with a card. Services are cheap and frequent, and a single to Banalmadena - Arroyo de la Miel is only €2.70.

Banalmadena Costa is a 25-minute walk downhill from the station to the tourist information office inside the terracotta Castillo Bil Bil on the beachfront. I’m given a handy wallet-sized printout showing buses and journey times from Benalmadena, including the bus to Málaga which stops at any of the stops along the sea front. The 50-minute ride (€1.70 - cash only), is mostly along the coast so it’s more picturesque than the train journey.

Whilst exploring downtown Malaga, I come across the cake shop of my dreams - La tarta de la madre de Cris - which sells many varieties of cheesecake. Close by is the Pasaje de Chinitas whose eponymous, former café was immortalised in a song by Federico Garcia Lorca. The Picasso Museum is open today, but there’s no time to visit as the last shuttle is due to leave in a few minutes so I retrace my steps and bid farewell to Malaga by acknowledging the statue of El Cenachero, the traditional fish-seller who sold his wares from baskets carried through the streets.

The captain announces that, with wind speeds for Gibraltar forecast to be far above the manoeuvrability for the ship, the itinerary for the next couple of days has been reversed - tomorrow our call will be to Cadiz and Sunday is now Gibraltar. Also, some may have noticed divers around the ship. They've been doing work on the hull that complies with New Zealand regulations - one of the countries to be visited during the upcoming world cruise. Two hours are required between completion of the work and sailing and, as they've only just finished, we'll sail at 8pm.

It’s a Rhinestone Country evening with Pulse in The Globe tonight where line dances are taught to such Country & Western classics as You’re Sixteen by Ringo Starr and Blackpool Belle by The Houghton Weavers. Uh, oh! What’s this? "Attention! Attention! Crew alert! Crew alert! Crew alert! Smoke in the engine room!"

All the staff rush off as do some passengers, either to don life jackets or to move to the head of the restaurant queues. A few minutes later, the captain from the (hopefully, not burning) bridge tells us that the auto fire suppression system has activated. CCTV indicates there is no fire but all crew are to be at fire alert stations. This is soon followed with, “The chief engineer is happy there is no smoke or fire. All ships company can stand down from crew alert. I say again - all ship's company can stand down from crew alert.”

Curious. I'm sure I smelt smoke...

Analiza Ching, Chinese Young Musician of the Year at age 12, is tonight’s headline act in The Palladium. She’s a rock violinist which means she wears glitz, does a few fancy dance steps and engages in extended head-banging all designed to distract from the fact that she’s an extremely talented musician whilst showcasing that she doesn’t know how to put a show together: she has a scattergun approach with a few bars of this and a few bars of that... I leave due to boredom.

 

Saturday 16 December 2023 - Day 8 - Cadiz

 

Can there be many more historically significant places in Europe than ancient Agadir? Founded by Hercules after travelling to the ends of the earth to complete his tenth labour (allegedly), site of the Visigothic defeat that opened up the Muslim conquest of Spain (possibly), departure point for Columbus’ second and fourth voyages (definitely)…

The light is of such a clarity and intensity that the region’s name of Costa de la Luz is amply justified. The ship’s berth is right in town and it’s a perfect day for walking round the headland that bounds the historic quarter at the tip of the peninsula of Cadiz.

I start at the neo-classical old customs house where orange trees line the pavements and which is fronted by a small garden of flowers and cypress trees with a tortoise fountain at its centre. Beyond is the Plaza de Espana with its centerpiece of a semi-circular monument with allegorical figures, built to honour the (first) constitution, of 1812, and ratified by the Cortes (national legislature) of Cadiz.

The walk by the sea walls, with a diversion into the lush Plaza de Mina garden (named for a hero of the Peninsular War), brings me to the terracotta Baluarte de la Candelaria, a 17th century bastion that guards the entrance to the Bay of Cadiz. On its walls is a dedication to Blas de Lezo, a Spanish naval hero known as Mediohombre whose multiple war wounds left him with one eye, one hand and one leg, and who defeated the Royal Navy in 1741 at Cartegena de Indias, the jewel of the Spanish Main.

The sea walk turns west to the Genoves Park, a botanical garden with winding topiary, palm trees, waterfall and grotto, and ending at the modernist Parador Nacional Atlántico with its glorious ocean views. A 5-minute walk inland brings me to the Plaza Fragela and the Gran Teatro Falla, built in a Moorish-revival style and (re)named for the Cadiz-born composer.

Back on the seafront is the fortress of Santa Catalina and at the other end of the horseshoe-shaped beach is the former island fortress of San Sebastian, now connected to the mainland by a levee. The body of water between the two fortresses must be rich in marine life judging by the number of small fishing boats in and out of the water.

Inland is the Plaza de la Libertad and the central market, dating from 1837. Sellers are closing up in the central covered area but the open air eateries that surround it are very busy with seafood lovers. Nearby is the historic watchtower of Torre Tavira and, after a couple of wrong turns, I arrive at the cathedral, and the Xmas market in the plaza. At one corner are plaques honouring the fallen of Trafalgar and at the opposite corner is the Arco de la Rosa - the archway was a gate into the medieval, walled quarter. Down the alleyway, I chance upon the archaeological site of the Roman Theatre.

My exploration finishes at the Plaza de San Juan de Dios with its shops, bars and restaurants, dominated by the neoclassical town hall and with the grand statue of a celebrated son, the 19th century writer and politician Segismundo Moret, at its centre.

Fellow diners in the Meridian include aft cabin evacuees from three nights ago. Conversation also includes praise for the relatively new Ambassador Cruise Line, battlefield tours and the Nantes mechanical elephant.

The rest of the evening is spent drifting amongst various musical venues whilst sleep is aided by low volume music from the TV bridge cam channel.

 

Sunday 17 December 2023 - Day 9 - Gibraltar

 

Happily the winds have died down and we’ve been able to dock at Gibraltar. It’s a clear day with a layer of cloud perfectly balanced atop Jebel Musa across the straits. I’ve visited several times so a wander in the sunshine, despite the cool weather, will do just fine.

Inside the terminal building there’s a useful map that includes bus routes to some of the main sights. Outside, the rust-ridden bow of the Arcadia, particularly around the anchor, complements the rust-ridden port fencing which is where the local taxi service is offering a shuttle to the Grand Casemate Gates for £3 single / £4 return. It’s only a 15-20 minute walk but, as it’s rather windy, I opt for the taxi service.

The bus timetables by the gates show me there’s just enough time before the next no. 2 to Europa Point to walk through the square, along Main Street, see that the tourist information office by the Parliament building is closed, and get back. A return journey is £2.50 and it’s a scenic ride, past Orange, Left and South Bastions, and the Botanic Gardens and cable car, to the most southerly point on mainland Europe (or perhaps that’s Tarifa).

I spend half an hour battling strong winds looking at the main sights such as: the lighthouse, the mosque, Harding’s Battery, the memorial to General Sikorski and, towering over everything, the Rock itself, before returning to the Casemate Gates where a walk along the length of Main Street brings me to Trafalgar Cemetery, opposite the South Bastion and the statue of Nelson. Only two victims of the battle are actually buried at the cemetery which contains many more graves of those who fell during other conflicts such as the earlier Battle of Algeciras.

Back on board, the captain tells us that Azipod thrusters have been used during the day to keep the ship secure but, after the ropes are let loose, he'll let the wind blow the ship away from the berth. At the sad sailaway party without live music, a couple from last night’s dinner show me a video of the Nantes mechanical elephant. Ah, so that’s what it looks like. And you can also ride in it?

In the Individual Quiz in the Spinnaker Bar, my friendly-neighbourhood barman proves to be no help whatsoever. Surely, on his travels, he must have picked up useful nuggets of information such as where Postman Pat makes his deliveries or which Teletubby carries a red handbag. Even more irritating is his habit of muttering (as I later learn) the wrong answer - Olympus Mons is a mountain on Mars not Jupiter. Well, he sounded so sure…

It’s time to swap papers to mark the answers. Mine is headed “Luke & Carolyn” which leads me to think some in the room haven’t grasped the concept of “individual”!

Out on Promenade Deck 3 I try and capture the orange glow of an ocean sunset, but I’m thwarted as a TORM tanker crosses in front of the sun just as it dips below the horizon. A plaque states that “3 laps equals 1 mile” so the total length of my evening stroll would be about… one third of a mile.

Tonight’s dinner table talk is dominated by a Durham couple - a conversation would barely start before the husband jumped in with, "I'll tell you a story about...", willingly abetted by his wife.

Tonight’s headline act is not The Four Harps, as advertised, but Brian Connolly Jr. He’s the son of the blond, lead vocalist from the 70s glam-rock band Sweet and he puts on an excellent tribute show. He tells us that his dad was the only one not to sing the high notes in the classic Blockbuster, and it’s impressive that the Arcadia musicians provide such superb backing with only an hour's rehearsal.

After midnight, in the lobby by Reception, I spy creative Xmas crafting - the pastry team are applying finishing touches to a snow-covered, gingerbread village, complete with functioning clockwork railway. One of the team tells me it's taken two weeks to create, and she looks justifiably proud as she takes photos of her team's handiwork.

 

Monday 18 December 2023 - Day 10 - At Sea

 

After several circuits of the Belvedere on a calm Atlantic morning, I find a small table which I stock with: coffee and juice (first trip), doughnut and peach smoothie (second trip), granola, seeds and plain yoghurt (third trip) and scrambled eggs, beans, fried potatoes and toast (fourth trip).

Returning to the gingerbread village I hear a passenger say to his wife, “Where are the roads?”

I resist explaining the implications of being “snow-covered”. A board tells us that 11 chefs worked 1013 hours using 350 kilos of icing sugar, 850 kilos of eggs, 161 kilos of golden syrup, 201 kilos of muscovado sugar and 15.5 kilos of ginger powder. What’s this? No flour? No fat?

After the classical recital it’s time to get ready for the last gala night of the cruise, after which is a Gala Ball. The Bollywood dance lesson proves extremely popular and the dance floor is… Well, I was going to say - standing room only.

 

Tuesday 19 December 2023 - Day 11 - Vigo

 

It’s ironic that Spain's largest fishing port is populated exclusively by vigans! By the time I disembark, the rain has stopped and the sky is clearing. The A Laxe shopping centre opposite the cruise terminal has fine views across the harbour to the mountains around the bay from its upper floors (and free WiFi) and beyond the shopping centre is a striking sculpture by Francisco Leiro - El Banista Del Arenal. I haven’t been able to discover what the broken bronze bather might mean.

Across the road is the tourist information office where places of interest are marked for me on a map, including my ultimate destination of the hilltop fortress of Castelo Do Castro, and the steep climb through the old town starts immediately behind the tourist office.

I walk through the market of Praza da Pedra, past the Galician House of Culture, and the Basilica of Santa Maria in Praza Do Constitucion and, more by accident than design, I find an of escalator, part of Vertical Vigo designed to reconnect neighbourhoods, which takes me part of the way up to the fortress. I turn left up Granada and arrive at the base of Parque Do Castro but there’s still some climbing to do up steps and along pathways before I reach the fortress ruins with its marvellous views. It was built in the 17th century to protect this part of Galicia from potential attacks by English forces and, at the entrance, there is a memorial stone to 136 victims of pro-Franco forces between 1936 and 1942.

Descending via a different path I come across O Castro de Vigo - archaeological remains and a recreation of a Neolithic settlement comprising living quarters, a pantry and a granary around a central patio.

I take a different route down to the port, turning right down Rua da Ronda de Don Bosco. At the intersection with Rua Do Principe, there’s a statue to Manuel Castro, a newspaper seller who used to balance newspapers on his forefinger, although someone seems to have stolen his paper. Outside the adjacent contemporary art museum, a green-faced, green-haired Father Xmas waves to passers-by.

Back down on the promenade, in front of the yacht club, there is a statute to Jules Verne, sitting on a sea monster. A plaque states that the author, “… mentioned the Bay of Vigo … in one of the episodes of his book 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.”

Our busker provides the live music at the sailaway party in the cool sunshine aft on Deck 9 as a seagull hitches a lift out of port on one of the balcony rails below. The captain tells us that pre-navigational checks have been successfully completed so we'll shortly be under way, turn through 180⁰ and head out through the Vigo Channel. We should keep ahead of expected bad weather in the Bay of Biscay so our journey back should be calmer than our journey out.

Tonight, many passengers are wearing Xmas gear - bobble hats and garish jumpers. It all looks rather jolly. Uh, oh! What’s this? The captain puts out a call for anyone with blood group O+ or O- who has their donor card with them and is willing to donate to a critically ill person on board.

My fellow Meridian diners all have at least 100 shares in Carnival earning various cruise rewards, having paid wildly differing prices per share. I also learn from them about touring West Indian cricket stadia - just knock on the door. I wish I’d thought of that when I was stood outside the Kensington Oval.

Pulse’s second set in The Globe is followed by the Xmas jumper competition. There were about 20 splendid entries but I got bored with each one having to shout out “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Xmas!” and show us their moves.

 

Wednesday 20 December 2023 - Day 12 - At Sea

 

Well, maybe it isn’t as bad (yet) as on the way out, but this little old tug is still bobbing about all over the place. My breakfast gets taken away (not for the first time) by the waiters despite my cutlery setting. Ah well, there must be a staggering amount of food wasted on a cruise ship anyway. During breakfast part 2 there’s a ship-wide announcement for the medical response team to deck 11.

"Someone else dying," I hear from an adjacent table.

At 12.15 it’s the final Battle of the Rising Sun and there are extra points on offer today so there’s a small chance we can claw back some of the large deficit built up during the cruise. Rather than half and half, the pub split is more one third / two thirds, and our one third is generally only one third full whereas the opposing two thirds is at least two thirds full. We win today's battle, but lose the war.

There’s a guest announcement after the quiz -

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, this afternoon's Clarendon lecture on The Life and Works of Alice Laurie has been cancelled." It may have been her South African accent...

Last night’s cancelled performance of Deck The Halls plays to a standing-room-only enthusiastic Palladium audience who are in the mood for Xmas jollity. The final classical concert later features a lovely surprise - a duet featuring our tenor and our pianist who is also a fine soprano. (The excellent guest pianist is the bridge instructor!) They sing Caro elisir sei mio / Esulti pur la barbara from Act 1 of Donizetti’s L’Elisir d’Amore as Nemorino, our lovesick hero, drinks a quack’s love potion, and Adina, the object of his affections, reacts to his posturing.

I pack, have a dinner of broccoli soup and bread in the Belvedere then go to watch the misnamed Four Harps in The Palladium - they’re just average singers and therefore a plucking disappointment. The real highlight of tonight’s entertainment proves to be Matthew, one of the entertainment staff, guesting at the end of Pulse's second set with some fine, head-banging Metallica mayhem.

The night ends listening to the easy-listening duo in the Crow's Nest where it's calmer, so we must have exited, or almost exited, the Bay of Biscay.

I haven’t left my bags out, preferring to have as late a breakfast as possible tomorrow and disembark at my leisure…

 

Thursday 21 December 2023 - Day 13 - Southampton

 

… relaxing in the Piano Bar rather than standing in a non-moving queue of hundreds waiting to disembark.

[Ilovemygarden]

Absolutely brilliant.  As a fellow solo passenger I really enjoyed your astute observations of your fellow passengers and loved your writing style.   So much, in fact, that I switched over and read your report on Norwegian Getaway which I found equally entertaining.  
Thank you so much for taking the time to post this.

[Ardennais]

What a fabulous lunch hour read! I love your description of the American girls on the Malaga bus! Many thanks. 

[PJ's]

What a brilliant read. Loved it especially your call at Cadiz as it's one of my favourite places. Will be calling there in March when we are embarking Azura for her repositioning to Malta. 

Been on Arcadia a couple of times and enjoyed it. 

Thank you for your taking the time to post your journey..must have taken you a considerable time. 

[mrsgoggins]

Wonderfully entertaining as well as informative. I laughed at the description of the woman who shouldn't be allowed to dress herself, and, like, the American girls!

[zap99]

Great review. It was like, like we were there, like.

[Eddie99]

Thank you

i enjoyed that.

 

[PurpleMoonlight]

Good read.

 

I seem to remember once upon a time trays were available in the buffet so you could get all your requirements at the same time then sit down.

[TigerB]

What an entertaining read, thanks for taking the time to share 🙂

 

 

[Clodia]

Love it! Great sense of humour and enjoyable read.

Edited January 17 by Clodia

[Neecy1]

Loved it. You should write a book.

[Beckett]

What a brilliant read! I so enjoyed your descriptive journeys through the ports, your humour and oh so pithy comments on your fellow passengers  -  that was me in the red dress by the way.  J x

[jh1809]

That you for such a comprehensive and amusing report. I'm sorry that there were so many serious medical incidents on your cruise; I can assure you that there aren't normally that many.

[posford]

JakTar

I will add you to my list of must reads.

what an excellent log.

Thanks for the entertainment. I loved it.

[MellyMoo1989]

Brilliant read, thank you 🙂

[Junction2]

That was a great read. Thank you. 

[Waju]

That was amazing, thank you!

 

Please tell me this is what you do/did for a living?  Your writing is fabulous.

[Sheila127]

Brilliant! Descriptive, observant, funny, informative and so entertaining to read!

[Slugsta]

Adding my thanks for an informative and thoroughly entertaining review.

[Eglesbrech]

And one more. Really enjoyed following your adventures.

[Interestedcruisefan]

Magnificent review

 

 

[charliedalrymple]

This is absolutely delightful!  Hilarious, entertaining, informative and full of interesting details. You are a gifted writer!