Am I A Bad Mom

[kiwicruiser83]

Do you have any advice on lottery numbers? That could prove to be most helpful!

[Nliedel]

Do you have any advice on lottery numbers? That could prove to be most helpful!

 

I wish! We sometimes get a ticket, but we've not won anything. Which means we should stop playing, but as bad habits go, it's not horrible.

 

I also wish I knew how to win in Vegas, but dropping a couple bucks into one slot machine for a weekend, or playing a few hands of craps is not going to make me rich. Of course, I won't lose my money gambling, either.

[kiwicruiser83]

Nliedel, I disagree that there are not educational opportunities on a cruise to the caribbean. It is what you make it and unless you are talking about high school age kids I believe there is a lot to be learned. They can finally see some of the animals they learn about in school in their natural habitat (like dolphins when you are at sea. They can see why taking care of the environment is important, in various ports you can see how some ppl make their living fishing, they will hear differnt languages being spoken, see that there are different currencies than what we have in the US, not to mention they learn that family time is something to be valued and that school work has to be made up but that family vacation is a priority.

[Nliedel]

Nliedel, I disagree that there are not educational opportunities on a cruise to the caribbean. It is what you make it and unless you are talking about high school age kids I believe there is a lot to be learned. They can finally see some of the animals they learn about in school in their natural habitat (like dolphins when you are at sea. They can see why taking care of the environment is important, in various ports you can see how some ppl make their living fishing, they will hear differnt languages being spoken, see that there are different currencies than what we have in the US, not to mention they learn that family time is something to be valued and that school work has to be made up but that family vacation is a priority.

 

Um, that's fine, but I never said there were not educational opportunities in the Caribbean. In fact, I've always stated that travel is full of educational opportunities. That was another poster.

[Nliedel]

What - pray tell is your child going to learn on a Caribbean cruise? I've been there- done that. You've seen one beach- you've seen them all. None of these places are "cultural". They are all tourist traps.

Just so you know, I have been to India, Europe x 12, Hawaii, Alaska x 4. I loved going to all these places- but I was older when I went there. When I was a kid- all I cared about was playing. It didn't matter if it was in Bermuda, Ocean City Md. or my own backyard.

Parents want to travel. Your kids are going to like the arcade as much as the scenery. They are going to like buying junk in the gift shop as much as touring around a tropical island. Give me a break! I am a parent- I drag my kids around because I need a break. I need a vacation twice a year. They would be fine with buying snowballs and a trip to an amusement park.

My son likes NYC because of the elevators in the Marriot and the Toy R Us in Times Square. Pretty pricey trip to take a six year old- when I can take him downtown and let him ride up and down the glass elevator at the Hyatt and then take him to the Aquarium. He'd have as much fun for a fraction of the cost. But Mom wouldn't!

 

Kiwi,

 

I think this is the post you are talking about. It was not made by me, but Rebecca.

[rebeccalouise]

Of course there are new and different things to see in the Caribbean- no doubt about that. My son (age 6) prefers to stay on the ship. He has done 12 cruises and he is bored with the islands. Frankly I am too. Been to probably 20 different islands- st. martin, st. lucia,st. barts, tortola, st. thomas, Antigua, St. Johns, Nassau, Grand Turk, Grand Cayman, Jamaica, Roatan Hondurus, Grand Bahama, Cozumel, Cancun, Dominican Republic, etc. etc. They are all tourist traps. I hate the way they see the cruise people coming. We usually stay on board. San Juan has some history and Bermuda is nice but otherwise- they are all the same. Really not that "cultural"- unless you mean poor and in your face trying to sell you stuff.

 

We cruise for the ships. The best "learning" experience I've had is at Seaworld and The Tampa Zoo. More opportunity to see creatures up close and way more variety.

[kiwicruiser83]

Sorry Nliedel, I should have said I disagree with the pp about the educational opportunities in the Caribbean. I knew it was not you who said that.

[Nliedel]

Sorry Nliedel, I should have said I disagree with the pp about the educational opportunities in the Caribbean. I knew it was not you who said that.

 

Good. Now eat your vegetables and clean your room! :D

[kiwicruiser83]

I can def eat the veggies but cleaning...I'm just not feelin' that right now!

[mitsguy2001]

My DD has had mostly great teachers (this past year was a notable exception!). However to respond to your comment --

1) I would prefer if my DD's teacher WOULD call in sick when he/she is sick -- we don't need any more germs floating around out there than we already have!

 

That is true. I also wish that the school that I attended didn't have such a draconian student attendance policy that essentially forced me to attend school (and cause others to get sick) when I had bronchitis. In case you haven't read my past posts: my high school's attendance policy was that 5 absences in one quarter, for any reason, caused you to get an incomplete in every class. During one quarter, I missed 2 days since my uncle passed away, and then later that same quarter, I got bronchitis. I missed 2 days with the bronchitis, but then even though I was still very sick the 3rd day, I had no choice but to attend school, or else I would have been given an incomplete in every class.

 

2) Teachers are not ALL that dedicated. Many took up the career for other reasons.

 

I have to admit that is very true: most teachers that I know openly admit that they became teachers only so that they could have the summers off, and have a lot of other time off during the school year, and so that they could get good benefits, and so that once they have tenure, they have a job where they can't get fired from no matter what they do.

 

3) Many teachers DO miss school. Our DD's kindergarten teacher had a sub about 80% of all Friday afternoons (at minimum the afternoons)-- she coached college tennis. Her 5th grade teacher scheduled two separate elective surgeries during the school year because she did not want to "waste" her summer recovering from either. One of the other fourth grade teachers took 1.5 weeks off to go to Europe during the school year. Just some examples.

 

I've had plenty of teachers like that. Both in K-12 school, and in college. The most extreme example I was was a college professor who deducted 10 points off of our average for any absence, even if it was for a funeral. But he went on a 3 week vacation during the middle of a semester. And, during those 3 weeks, he had another professor take attendance, and then dismiss us. So even though we learned nothing, we were still forced to attend, to avoid losing 10 points off of our average, while he got a 3 week vacation.

 

4) the school district is more than happy to pull teachers from the schools at whim. Since the school district does not want to pay ANY days that are not contracted for, they will pull the teachers on a school day for manditory in-service training. It is cheaper to pull the regular teacher and hire a sub than it is to extend the teachers' contract days.

Our school district cut 14 aid positions, 2 teacher positions, turned 2 FT positions into PT but somehow managed to ADD six FT adminstrators.

 

At the time that I was in school, the district was allowed to treat 3 in-service training days as school days, even though students did not have school. Those 3 days were the day before school began, Election Day, and the day after school ended. So that only extended their contract 2 days (1 dat before and 1 day after school ended). I think the reason why Election Day was chosen for the other in-service day was because the schools were used as polling places, and parents would be uncomfortable with having strangers in the schools voting while the kids were in school. But the irony is that is that the only people who have a day off for Election Day are kids who are too young to vote!

[mitsguy2001]

Everything I read here is bolder-dash. The fact is, tell your boss well in advance that you and your family are going on vacation next summer for a week- If a boss is that unreasonable to deny a family a vacation- then it is time to switch jobs.

 

Unfortunately, life isn't alwas that simple. First of all, it is not always easy to find a new job. And, quitting a job because they deny you a vacation means you have time with no income, no health insurance, and a gap on your resume. Most people can't afford any of that, so we may have to endure a less than perfect job for a while. Also, people are dependent on their current coworkers for references. If you quit a job to go on a vacation, you're not going to get good references, and are not likely to get another job.

 

Also, when you start a new job, you usually have no vacation time at all for the first year. So that means that even if your current job won't let you take a vacation, and you quit and start a new job, you won't be able to take a vacation in your new job either. Also, in most jobs, the most number of consecutive days that you have off is usually a 3 day weekend (possibly a 4 day weekend if your company closes the Friday after Thanksgiving), and that is not long enough for a cruise. Also, many years have only 2 3 day weekends at many jobs.

[bmgaritty]

Of course there are new and different things to see in the Caribbean- no doubt about that. My son (age 6) prefers to stay on the ship. He has done 12 cruises and he is bored with the islands. Frankly I am too. Been to probably 20 different islands- st. martin, st. lucia,st. barts, tortola, st. thomas, Antigua, St. Johns, Nassau, Grand Turk, Grand Cayman, Jamaica, Roatan Hondurus, Grand Bahama, Cozumel, Cancun, Dominican Republic, etc. etc. They are all tourist traps. I hate the way they see the cruise people coming. We usually stay on board. San Juan has some history and Bermuda is nice but otherwise- they are all the same. Really not that "cultural"- unless you mean poor and in your face trying to sell you stuff.

 

quote]

 

You may want to research the history of the islands you visit - San Jaun isn't the only with history!

Not cultural? why not get beyond the tourist traps?

If you don't like to visit the islands, that is OK.

Don't say they don't have history....ie - Jamiaca was settled by 1000BC. Slaves were introduced in the early 1500's. St. Augustine (FL) wasn't settled until later that century....but you say the islands don't have history?

You might want to try going beyond the tourist traps.....

 

 

Have a good evening!

[rebeccalouise]

Unfortunately, life isn't alwas that simple. First of all, it is not always easy to find a new job. And, quitting a job because they deny you a vacation means you have time with no income, no health insurance, and a gap on your resume. Most people can't afford any of that, so we may have to endure a less than perfect job for a while. Also, people are dependent on their current coworkers for references. If you quit a job to go on a vacation, you're not going to get good references, and are not likely to get another job.

 

Also, when you start a new job, you usually have no vacation time at all for the first year. So that means that even if your current job won't let you take a vacation, and you quit and start a new job, you won't be able to take a vacation in your new job either. Also, in most jobs, the most number of consecutive days that you have off is usually a 3 day weekend (possibly a 4 day weekend if your company closes the Friday after Thanksgiving), and that is not long enough for a cruise. Also, many years have only 2 3 day weekends at many jobs.

 

I understand that life isn't perfect and that you can't just take a vacation at a moment's notice. You might have to stand in line behind others who want to travel during the same time period- I have a job, I understand. But that is why I give plenty of notice before I travel. I plan my trips 10 months or more in advance. That way it won't be a problem when the time comes.

[rebeccalouise]

All the islands have a history. I can read about that in books.

 

When I say that they are tourist traps- the things that cruisers experience are pushy salespeople, expensive taxi rides and people bugging you on the beach. Most places feeling unsafe about leaving belongings on the beach. Except perhaps for the private islands.

 

Don't get me wrong, I like a nice beach- and the Caribbean has these. The islands are nice getaways from the cold where I live. But Jamaica- been there- done that. We had a great tour of the island... it was nice. But I don't like being pestered to buy things and that's what happens the minute I walk off the ship in most of these places.

Other places, like St. Bart's, are out of my league. The money there is life styles of the rich and famous.

 

What I see in the Caribbean are tourists and the poor people that need their money.

[mitsguy2001]

I understand that life isn't perfect and that you can't just take a vacation at a moment's notice. You might have to stand in line behind others who want to travel during the same time period- I have a job, I understand. But that is why I give plenty of notice before I travel. I plan my trips 10 months or more in advance. That way it won't be a problem when the time comes.

 

The only problem is that further in advance, it is harder for employers to be certain about deadlines and staffing needs. So they might end up approving a vacation, and then when the time gets closer, there could be an unavailable deadline that week, and a few employees who quit and aren't able to be replaced soon enough.

 

One problem with a cruise is that the start and end dates are not flexible. Let's say, for example, you book a land trip May 1-8. And then your boss later realizes that he absolutely needs you to work on May 1, for a deadline that day, but is fine with any time off after that. In that case, you could probably extended it a day, and do the land trip May 2-9, or at least May 2-8. But if you are booked on a cruise May 1-8, and your boss says he absolutely needs you on May 1, you are out of luck, since you can't change the start or end date of a cruise. So you are left between cancelling the cruise (and probably losing all of the money you spent on it), or going on the cruise and probably losing your job, or at the very least, hurting your future career chances. The 3rd option, which could work as a compromise, but is not ideal for either party, would be to negotiate a deal where you cancel the cruise, but your employer reimburses you for the money spent. Remember, insurance doesn't cover you if you cancel for work related reasons.

[ddgleason]

I could be wrong on this one. If I am, please forgive me and don't burn me up! If you have worked at a company and have earned paid vacation time, when you separate yourself from the company for whatever reason, they are required to pay you for your earned, untaken vacation time. (I think) Therefore, you could use that extra money to: live on while you look for a new job, put in the bank to help get you through until your first check from new, vacation friendly company comes in, spend it all on a cruise that old company wouldn't let you have the time off for, buy clothes to interview for new vacation friendly job, etc. :p Obviously (I hope obviously) I am being very tongue in cheek. When I suggested finding new employment, of course, that is in an ideal world. But in an ideal world, this thread wouldn't have been started in the first place. Which, by the way, wasn't the initial question about taking kids out of school? I love how much of a tangent this has spun off on!

 

I sincerely apologize if anyone was offended by my earlier post. That was not my intention. It seemed to start a lot of bad feelings between several people, and I am sorry about that. I am new to CC and do not know the intricate ins and outs of the posting world.:(

[mitsguy2001]

I could be wrong on this one. If I am, please forgive me and don't burn me up! If you have worked at a company and have earned paid vacation time, when you separate yourself from the company for whatever reason, they are required to pay you for your earned, untaken vacation time. (I think)

 

I don't think that is a law. The company that I currently work for does that, and I know many others do too, but I didn't think it was a law.

 

Therefore, you could use that extra money to: live on while you look for a new job, put in the bank to help get you through until your first check from new, vacation friendly company comes in, spend it all on a cruise that old company wouldn't let you have the time off for, buy clothes to interview for new vacation friendly job, etc. :p

 

Unfortunately, most American companies give only 2 weeks of vacation time. So if you use one of those weeks for a cruise, even without a pre-stay, that leaves you only 5 more days to find a new job, which is usuaully not enough.

 

And, the other problems are that you still have a gap in your resume, you will get bad references, and you lose your health insurance. I'm guessing you can go on Cobra, but that's expensive. How would you explain the gap in your resume? And how would you explain that you have no references at your previous company?

[ddgleason]

I was kidding with that post. Thought I made that clear; guess not. Sorry!

 

In my situation when I knew I had to switch companies, I did not immediately quit. I looked around while I was still employed- no gap in resume, no bad references. I did pay for COBRA after I quit. But I was lucky. My husband's insurance kicked in after a few months on COBRA. I know that is not the case for everyone. I was lucky.

 

I am a firm believer of if you are not happy where you are in life, you need to move to a new spot. I was miserable working in a casino. I knew I needed to get to a new spot, so I did. I guess it depends on what priorities you have. If you really are not happy with your company's vacation guidelines, find a compnay you are happy with. If you are serious about it, you'll do it. If not, you'll find reasons to not do it. Everyone has their own situation to deal with. It took me a lot of work to get out of the spot I was in. And, boy, was it worth it.

 

But, again, my intent was never to cause bad feelings on the boards with that post! Maybe, I'll just stick to reading posts instead of writing posts. No, that won't work; I love to hear myself talk- er, type.

 

Side note- I think I need to move. The district I teach in would never allow the things some of you have said the teachers get away with where you are.

[ddgleason]

Sorry! New to posting. Darn it, My first double post.

[donaldsc]

I go out of my way to try to help the child catch up with supplemental materials or after school help. .

 

In other words, the parent who takes the child out of school expects you to spend extra time to get the child caught up to where he would be if he had not missed school.

 

Obviously, I would not make good teacher as I would never do that. I would tell the parent what the assignments were going to be and let him and the parents deal with the consequences of missing the classroom material.

 

DON

[Cruisin' Chick]

My husband has a good job, for life. To tell him to go get another job, so we can switch our vacations is not possible, nor responsible parenting on our part. The IT industry is very volatile right now. We would have to move to another part of the country, lose his perks and who knows what else? My children would be pulled from their friends and family. If it's his job, or my boys taking a week off, we choose the week off.

 

I think people are very judgemental on all sides of this issue. It's a huge hot-button and people can get pretty insulting on all sides.

 

I think culteral exposure is possible on a cruise. It's up to the parents. I am my boys teacher. Their first teacher and, in consort with my husband, their best teacher.

 

As for my boys teacher taking time off for a family vacation? If they have the time, I have no problem with it. We all are just doing it the best we can. In the end a week off from school will make a few months of your life hard. A childhood without family interaction would, in my opinion, be worse.

 

I don't ask teachers to raise my boys. I'm appalled that there are parents out there who ask this of them. I also have been around the boards long enough to know that most people who post here are good parents who carefully weigh this choice. They do think through the issue of pulling kids from school and agonize over it. It's not an easy choice, but it is a highly personal one.

 

As usual, Nancy, you are stating it very well. I also have a problem with the judgemental types who seem to think that the world revolves around them and that if they can do something (take a vacation when they want to), then anyone can. I used to work for a company that was very busy the last few weeks of the year. It was rare that you could take off during that time. At some point during my employment there, I got married and had a child. When I came back from maternity leave, I was leaving my child at a home child care facility that closed down at, you guessed it, the last couple weeks of the year. Unfortunately, this was my best bet for a child care place as their hours were flexible (many closed at 6, when I would still be at work; or closed early on Shabbot and Jewish holidays -- so I had to break my mil's heart to pass on any Jewish center; and I didn't want to go the nanny route).

 

There was another thread a year or two ago on this very same subject and one knucklehead stated the same thoughts as one or two others here. He just couldn't get it through his head that some people can't dictate when they take vacation, can't just up and quit and find another comparable job just like that (outsourcing, anyone?), can't uproot their family just to find any job.

 

Even my hubby, who does have some flexibility in when he can take off and the length (most of the time I could never take off more than one week at a time), sometimes wouldn't be able to take off on some holidays. For example on 12/31/99, all of the managers had to be there just in case something happened Y2K wise. He has also worked other Christmases, New Years, Fourth of July's, so that his workers (it's a 24/7 operation) could have the holidays off.

[rebeccalouise]

I guess I am one of those judgemental types.

 

I have a job that is extremely busy during Christmas and New Years- for this reason- I don't take anytime off work- except Christmas Day (because we are closed). No biggy. We just don't ever travel during this time of year.

 

But there are other times of year that you can travel when kids are out of school.

 

As for companies that don't give employees the flexibility to travel for one week out of the year. Yikes- get a new job. Anyone with a family should have two weeks guaranteed paid vacation a year. Everyone where I work certainly does. And if that makes me sound judgemental- sobeit. Family does come first and spending relaxed time with the family should be a priority. I don't think it is relaxing when kids are pulled from school- because the child might be worried about doing this. Kids feel stress but some parents don't want to see that. There are other kids- who love to miss school because they hate it. That isn't a good reason either. School isn't always fun- just like work is sometimes a grind. But that's life.

 

Vacations are meant to be a reward for a job (or school) well done. They are a treat.

[kiwicruiser83]

In some ways the boards are like the real world. You have to avoid the know-it-all types! They know YOUR situation, what would work best for YOUR

family, they even know if YOUR husband or wife COULD take their vacation at a convenient time and they just dont wanna. We all know ppl like this in the world. The bad part about this type of personality is they have usually run their own lives in the ditch but they know just the thing for you! So just like in the real world, ....ignore 'em! :D

[Workmom2]

There was another thread a year or two ago on this very same subject and one knucklehead stated the same thoughts as one or two others here. He just couldn't get it through his head that some people can't dictate when they take vacation, can't just up and quit and find another comparable job just like that (outsourcing, anyone?), can't uproot their family just to find any job.

 

 

Well said, Everyone has a differenct type of work situation, There are many people (I for one) that cannot just quit and find another comparable job. I am in amamgement and I have to "approve/not approve" vacation based on 100 employees requests. I am happy to report I have only had to say no once in the past 4 years because of a huge project that needed completion- One must also give consideration what profession, education level, and work flow the employee is in.

Personally, this post has gone a bit judgemental. Everyone has the right to post their opinion, I respectfull agree to disagree with some of the posters that have pushed the envelope on this thread.:(

[ddgleason]

Again, I apologize if I offended anyone. That was not my intent. I was merely trying to offer some options that had not been brought up yet. Honestly, I don't think I will post here anymore; I don't feel welcome. I have been trying to convince myself that it is not me that people are reacting to, but it is hard when the post after mine says something about other knuckleheads. Kind of hard to not take that personally. I thought that it was okay to explain what my situation was. I am sorry I overstepped the boundaries.

:(