Can i register my honeymoon cruise as wedding gifts?

[Happy ks]

I have a hard time gifting anyone who has multiple marriages. It's kind of like having a baby shower for every baby you have. I always thought you had your showers/gifts etc.... for the first time around. But, I suppose that is old fashioned. Although, my first marriage was an elopement, no shower, no wedding reception, no gifts. I was married 8 years later with the whole shebang and consider it my "real" wedding!

 

I think it would depend on how well I knew the persons getting married. I had no problem last year when my niece got married onboard a ship, to gift them some cash, telling them to use it exclusively for their honeymoon. I also gave them a wedding gift.

 

A person I work with got married for the first time at the age of 40. Both her and her new husband had established homes of their own, they did not wish for gifts. They honeymooned in Ireland and we all happily contributed cash towards a Visa giftcard for use during their honeymoon.

 

So, I suppose I would not be offended by a couple registering for their honeymoon. To me, life experience is important and can be more worthwhile than another gravy boat. My true feeling is that whatever gift I give, it is given with love for the recipients. If I have any resentment in giving the gift no matter what it is, I should probably decline the invitation to the wedding.

 

We're each entitled to our opinions ;)

[hockeymom97]

Sorry, just a Southern expression. No offense intended.

 

But none of these arguments that "it just makes sense in today's world" will change my view that it is tacky to ask for cash.

 

How is the couple going to fondly associate the gift with the giver? "Gee, thanks Aunt Sally for the two hours I spent on the Lido deck Tuesday..."

 

Registering for someone to donate a massage, or an excursion, or a wine basket - that would be fine in my view, and very much like registering with Target, etc. Asking for a contribution to the cruise fare is the same as asking for cash.

 

I think people are putting words in the OP's mouth. She did NOT say she wanted to ask for cash!! Yes, asking for cash would be tacky. If you go back and read the what the OP wrote, she wanted to "register" for her honeymoon She never mentioned asking for cash. Again -No different than registering anything else.

[GRBlizz]

I think people are putting words in the OP's mouth. She did NOT say she wanted to ask for cash!! Yes, asking for cash would be tacky. If you go back and read the what the OP wrote, she wanted to "register" for her honeymoon She never mentioned asking for cash. Again -No different than registering anything else.

 

You are right, if she's asking for someone to provide a massage or something extra to make be enjoyed on the cruise she is already taking, then there is no problem. However, the post wasn't clear and there are dozens of websites that are set up to allow couples to register for "cash" contributions to their wedding trip - for a fee to both the couple and the giver, of course.

 

Check this one out: http://www.honeymoonwishes.com/Honeymoon-Registry-4292-Honeymoon-Cruise.html

 

Look at the "gifts" you can give - $80 toward the cruise (10 needed), $200 for an upgraded cabin (2 needed), $40 for tips (14 needed). Please.

 

I guess the problem I have is that the couple is going to have to pay for the honeymoon anyway. So basically, you are asking people to defray expenses you have already incurred. That's asking for cash.

 

I understand people have strong opinions on both sides, and the bride has probably gotten a good glimpse of the reactions she would face if she went this direction. Some of her family and friends would say, "great idea!" and others would shake their heads. Hopefully that has been useful to her. She has done nothing wrong in asking a question.

[ger_77]

she wanted to "register" for her honeymoon

 

IMHO, if you can't afford the honeymoon, don't go.:rolleyes: I wouldn't ask/expect my guests to pay for my honeymoon.

 

Smooth Sailing! :) :) :)

[hockeymom97]

IMHO, if you can't afford the honeymoon, don't go.:rolleyes: I wouldn't ask/expect my guests to pay for my honeymoon.

 

Smooth Sailing! :) :) :)

 

 

But we don't know that she can't afford it - it's just a desired gift.

 

I think we should remember that the tradtion of registering for wedding gifts started out a long time ago, when couples were much younger and just starting out, and needed many things to set up their homes. This isn't always the case anymore. More and more couples are waiting until their older and establised in their careers before getting married and I think this is where the dilemma comes in.

 

Here's where I'm coming from on this subject -- I have been dating my current BF for 6 years and just recently got engaged. I am in my 30's, own my own home and don't need much for my home in the sense of a "traditional registry". And when we get married, we will be expected to register somewhere - and personally we don't need much in the way of sheets, towels, blenders and toasters. I'm not saying that I plan on registering for my honeymoon (I want a destination wedding so we'll technically already be on our honeymoon) - but for people like myself, that are already somewhat established in their lives, I don't think there's anything wrong with registering for something a little less traditional.

 

After all, a gift is supposed to be something that we know that recipient would really appreciate and enjoy :) Isn't that the bottom line?

[KS&JW]

From a published Miss Manners column. I realize this is not about wedding gifts, but birthday gifts. However, the lesson is the same.

 

Dear Miss Manners,

 

My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in November. My brother and I are throwing a party for them. They have told me that they do not want gifts; however they are very kind, thoughtful people and I believe they simply do not want their friends and family to feel obligated. Most of the guests at the party will be family.

 

 

My parents have mentioned in the past that they would love to go on a cruise. My brother and I cannot afford to pay for this, and since I know even if we put "no gifts" on the invitations, most people will bring gifts anyway, I am wondering if it would be impolite to set up a gift certificate with a cruise line, so that people could contribute if they wish. I'm not sure if this is even possible, but before investigating further, I thought I would ask you your opinion.

 

Gentle Reader,

Your parents don’t want to make their guests feel obligated, and you want to obligate their guests to pay for a cruise? Miss Manners’ opinion is that this would be an offense against your parents as well as against hospitality itself.

 

The idea that such a suggestion would be taken up only by those who wish to contribute is bogus. It comes across as a clear expectation.

 

Miss Manners realizes that such schemes for milking guests have become common, so there is undoubtedly a way to do this. But that does not make it right. What should follow your confession of not being able to afford to pay for something is a sigh of regret, not a plan to coerce someone else into picking up the bill.

[KS&JW]

Here's where I'm coming from on this subject -- I have been dating my current BF for 6 years and just recently got engaged. I am in my 30's, own my own home and don't need much for my home in the sense of a "traditional registry".

 

The people who you invite to your wedding know you and know that you do not need a toaster. Trust them.

 

I go to many weddings for 'established' couples. We give money. I am happy to. I have never been asked to give money.

[notentirelynormal]

I don't see anything wrong with it either. I wouldn't care if they bought a massage or the day's tips or even the day. I hate buying gifts for people that I know don't need anything but its Christmas or their birthday so you want to get something. I rack my brain and ask people and spend countless wasted time trying to figure out anything that would be good and not break the bank (so to speak).

 

If they have everything they need but want to take a much needed vacation (honeymoon) to start their life off together, more power to them. I'd much rather give them a credit towards a cruise to use however they wanted then buy then another stupid candle or teapot. Since the OP said REGISTER maybe she can register at a regular store too and the guests with a problem about getting them what they really want can take their personal pick of what they think is acceptable and makes the gift giver happy and the recipient needing to take it back to the store for credit. Funny though, I thought the idea of giving someone a gift was to make the recipient happy - not because that's what the giver liked.

 

Its very naive to think that people want only pots and pans or dishes now since most have already lived on their own before getting married. Fifty years ago, not so much. Today, ummm, I just don't know that many people that moved directly from their parents house to the marriage house.

[janetz]

I would love to give onboard credit as a wedding gift. I think it is a great idea. I know of two couples married that were given their honeymoon trip as a wedding gift from the "parents". :)

[RetireeWannabee]

I think it's tacky to ask for anything. No one ever owes a gift, it's a gesture from the heart. I think it's tacky to receive an invite that states where the couple is registered. Yes, yes, it is done but that doesn't make it right. But I'm also one who thinks the Dollar Dance is way past tacky and in the middle of Extortion.

 

I feel very strongly that a honeymoon should be planned to accomodate the available budget, not expect to finance it thru your guests. I think that is the biggest problem with this idea.

 

All that said, I would have to agree that registering for a cruise is roughly the same as registering for anything else. I would not advertise it, however, but let the parents and siblings and wedding party tell people who ask "where are they registered?"

 

Regardless, Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

[jmf123]

I think it's tacky to ask for anything. No one ever owes a gift, it's a gesture from the heart. I think it's tacky to receive an invite that states where the couple is registered. Yes, yes, it is done but that doesn't make it right. But I'm also one who thinks the Dollar Dance is way past tacky and in the middle of Extortion.

 

I feel very strongly that a honeymoon should be planned to accomodate the available budget, not expect to finance it thru your guests. I think that is the biggest problem with this idea.

 

All that said, I would have to agree that registering for a cruise is roughly the same as registering for anything else. I would not advertise it, however, but let the parents and siblings and wedding party tell people who ask "where are they registered?"

 

Regardless, Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

 

Ditto, including the Dollar Dance... And for special anniversaries and occasions like my grandfather's 80th birthday party, I love the 'no gifts please, your presence will be their/his presents'. We did ask for contributions of any photos and/or memories from the guests to share. Friends of ours made those photos and memories into a treasured book for the 50th anniversary couple. :)

[tiyana4]

From a published Miss Manners column. I realize this is not about wedding gifts, but birthday gifts. However, the lesson is the same.

 

 

Dear Miss Manners,

 

My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in November. My brother and I are throwing a party for them. They have told me that they do not want gifts; however they are very kind, thoughtful people and I believe they simply do not want their friends and family to feel obligated. Most of the guests at the party will be family.

 

 

My parents have mentioned in the past that they would love to go on a cruise. My brother and I cannot afford to pay for this, and since I know even if we put "no gifts" on the invitations, most people will bring gifts anyway, I am wondering if it would be impolite to set up a gift certificate with a cruise line, so that people could contribute if they wish. I'm not sure if this is even possible, but before investigating further, I thought I would ask you your opinion.

 

Gentle Reader,

Your parents don’t want to make their guests feel obligated, and you want to obligate their guests to pay for a cruise? Miss Manners’ opinion is that this would be an offense against your parents as well as against hospitality itself.

 

The idea that such a suggestion would be taken up only by those who wish to contribute is bogus. It comes across as a clear expectation.

 

Miss Manners realizes that such schemes for milking guests have become common, so there is undoubtedly a way to do this. But that does not make it right. What should follow your confession of not being able to afford to pay for something is a sigh of regret, not a plan to coerce someone else into picking up the bill.

 

We have pushed etiquette so far in America that we are not above asking for anything. I have declined more than one wedding invitation because of tacky wedding invites REQUESTING money in addition to my presence.

 

One of the weddings we did attend involved a plot which included a false bridal kidnapping where money was extorted from the guests before the bride was returned and the reception began - I was appalled! Not only did it take 1 hour out of people's valuable time but they only raised $80? Very tacky in my opinion.:eek:

[SunniLicious]

One of the weddings we did attend involved a plot which included a false bridal kidnapping where money was extorted from the guests before the bride was returned and the reception began - I was appalled!

 

Oh, my goodness! I'm a young'un - in my 20s - and I would've simply left. Etiquette has not changed THAT much.

 

Gifts for married couples tend to either be 'housewarming' type gifts (the kind so undesired in this thread!) or sentimental. IMO, if a bride has no need for the former, that doesn't entitle her to specify a replacement. Wedding gifts are very rarely about true "need" anyway. Who actually needs a coffee bean grinder, sherbet cups for 16, or a set of embroidered pillowcases? The people who can afford to throw large weddings with formal registries could very well buy these things themselves. I agree with whomever said to trust your guests - unless you're inviting strangers, they willl try to select something for you they believe you'll like, and that's the whole point. :)

[cruisemom42]

Traditionally, it was the bride's family who paid for the wedding and the groom paid for the honeymoon trip. Of course, things have changed and both bride and groom often pay for the wedding together rather than the parents, and (presumably) the honeymoon as well.

 

I just kind of feel like I'd be subsidizing something that should be taken care of by the couple or the groom or their families or whatever. Not paid for by the wedding guests.

 

What's next, asking guests to chip in and help pay for the expensive wedding that they really can't afford but want to have anyway??

[KateHarper]

someone posed the quesiton of whats the difference between registering at a department store or with a TA? the difference is the item you are asking for! a trip? i would NEVER EVER pay for someone else's trip. the groom or his family should be paying for that.

 

even on regular department store registry's people are asking for silly things. i refuse to buy something that isnt for setting up the house. i went to a wedding where the bride/groom registered for a $1000 treadmill, and power saws among all the other stuff they registered for. talk about tacky....

[forensic]

This may be the tackiest thing I've ever heard of in my life.

 

 

I have a good friend that is a TA and she does this a lot for brides and grooms. Especially the ones that are a little older and have already each set up house keeping after college and been in their careers for a few years. They are combining households and already have too much "stuff". They are paying for their own wedding and their own cruise. What they usually "register" for are the extras. Spa time, champagne, shore excursions, romance packages, cover charge for Specialty Restaurants, etc. These are "gifts" that they will enjoy and appreciate a lot more than another toaster. They are not asking only for money, the guests can choose to purchase a gift certificate that they can use as on board credit. But today gift certificates in general are like the #1 gift given. Why is this so bad?

[Paleochick]

I want to register our honeymoon cruise for our wedding gifts. we don't need things for the house, we want to go on an amazing cruise for our honeymoon and not go into debt doing it while being able to enjoy getting a massage, having a drink, offshore excursions. does anyone know how to do this somehow so people can see what they are purchasing for you? any tips or ideas would be appreciated! thank you!

 

I would never put it in writing anywhere...just like I wouldn't advertise the department store where I was registered. If someone were to ask me or someone in the wedding party where I was registered, I think it would be okay to say, "they are registered at Macy's and with their travel agent. Let me know if you'd like more info." It is extremely tacky to ask for or suggest ANY kind of gift. If someone wants to give you a gift, they will ask where you are registered. If you register at a department store, why not register with your TA?

[momofsamandeden]

Wow this post has really taken quite the ride...this past year I went to 23 weddings. All of them had at least one shower or jack and jill plus the wedding. All of them had registrations. When you sign up on popular wedding websites they also ask immediately for your gift registration info.

She is not asking for anyone to pay for her cruise she was just listing her TA info in case someone wanted to contribute something.

Here is the good news to the bride:

Years ago living together was shameful

Wearing pants in public until WWII was unheard of yet no one gasps at post asking about pants for women in the dining room on cruises

I could go on....

So do whatever you feel comfortable with planning a wedding is stressful enough.

[JLC@SD]

This may be the tackiest thing I've ever heard of in my life.

 

I agree.....if you can't afford the cruise.....do not book it.

[DanJ]

 

One of the weddings we did attend involved a plot which included a false bridal kidnapping where money was extorted from the guests before the bride was returned and the reception began - I was appalled! Not only did it take 1 hour out of people's valuable time but they only raised $80? Very tacky in my opinion.:eek:

 

 

OK, yeah, that is out of line. That might be something to try at a stag and doe (or whatever you call those fundraising parties in your neck of the woods), since the sole purpose of those is to get money from your friends or friends of friends, and people that attend expect silly games for money to be played.

 

But at the reception itself? That's only inviting family strife when the drunk relative of the groom stands up and says "I'll give a hundred bucks if they keep her" LOL

[cruise info]

Wow! thanks for all your feedback, i really appreciate reading everyone's different points of view on this.

 

To clarify, I personally think asking for money is tacky and i don't want to do it. My fiancee thinks it's TOTALLY fine and REALLY wants to do it. I'm trying to compromise and figured the honeymoon might be the best way to do it.

 

Neither of us have been married before so this is a first for us both, but we have everything we need for our home, we're living separately until after we get married then we'll have more than enough stuff when we move in together, and we'll be getting a small apartment so we won't have room for lots of stuff.

 

My travel agent said we could register through her, we could get a website that shows the things we want to do while on our cruise (swim with dolphins, snorkel, get a massage, etc) and register for those things so people could give gifts to pay for some or all of those kinds of things. I feel better asking for specific things rather than just money, strange but that's just me. At least people can pick a specific thing and pay for part or all of that depending on their budget and they KNOW what they're getting for us.

I know you're not supposed to advertise this in the wedding invitation so we wouldn't. If people asked us, we would tell them where we're "registered" so IF they wanted to, they could gift that way through the travel agent. We're not expecting anything and won't advertise anything, but if people ask, we will tell them so they will have the info. people still have the choice of going out and buying any kind of home stuff they would like to get us if they're more traditional and want to do it that way.

[wraithe]

Wow! thanks for all your feedback, i really appreciate reading everyone's different points of view on this.

 

To clarify, I personally think asking for money is tacky and i don't want to do it. My fiancee thinks it's TOTALLY fine and REALLY wants to do it. I'm trying to compromise and figured the honeymoon might be the best way to do it.

 

Neither of us have been married before so this is a first for us both, but we have everything we need for our home, we're living separately until after we get married then we'll have more than enough stuff when we move in together, and we'll be getting a small apartment so we won't have room for lots of stuff.

 

My travel agent said we could register through her, we could get a website that shows the things we want to do while on our cruise (swim with dolphins, snorkel, get a massage, etc) and register for those things so people could give gifts to pay for some or all of those kinds of things. I feel better asking for specific things rather than just money, strange but that's just me. At least people can pick a specific thing and pay for part or all of that depending on their budget and they KNOW what they're getting for us.

I know you're not supposed to advertise this in the wedding invitation so we wouldn't. If people asked us, we would tell them where we're "registered" so IF they wanted to, they could gift that way through the travel agent. We're not expecting anything and won't advertise anything, but if people ask, we will tell them so they will have the info. people still have the choice of going out and buying any kind of home stuff they would like to get us if they're more traditional and want to do it that way.

 

Thanks for weathering the storm and coming back by to say hello and explain a little more to answer people's questions. Don't be a stranger to CC and don't be afraid to ask questions, you might get a healthy debate but you'll get a bunch of knowledge, too. Congrats on your upcoming marriage and I hope you have many happy years together.

[cruise_lover]

This may be the tackiest thing I've ever heard of in my life.

I agree. The first thing I do when I read that the bride and groom would prefer money instead of a gift is to throw it away. And I do not play preferences. It goes in the trash whether it is a close relative, close friend, or co-worker.

But you know I am glad I wrote this thought done. I think I am going to change my plans. From now on when someone asks for money instead of throwing it away I think I will take the money I would have spent on a gift (and I am not a cheap stake) and send it to one of my favorite charities in their name. Then I'll send them a note saving that since "they have everything they need" and don't need anything that I am sending X amount of dollars to <whatever charity I choose at the name> in their name. :p

 

 

 

 

[iheartbda]

Wow! thanks for all your feedback, i really appreciate reading everyone's different points of view on this.

 

To clarify, I personally think asking for money is tacky and i don't want to do it. My fiancee thinks it's TOTALLY fine and REALLY wants to do it. I'm trying to compromise and figured the honeymoon might be the best way to do it.

 

Neither of us have been married before so this is a first for us both, but we have everything we need for our home, we're living separately until after we get married then we'll have more than enough stuff when we move in together, and we'll be getting a small apartment so we won't have room for lots of stuff.

 

My travel agent said we could register through her, we could get a website that shows the things we want to do while on our cruise (swim with dolphins, snorkel, get a massage, etc) and register for those things so people could give gifts to pay for some or all of those kinds of things. I feel better asking for specific things rather than just money, strange but that's just me. At least people can pick a specific thing and pay for part or all of that depending on their budget and they KNOW what they're getting for us.

I know you're not supposed to advertise this in the wedding invitation so we wouldn't. If people asked us, we would tell them where we're "registered" so IF they wanted to, they could gift that way through the travel agent. We're not expecting anything and won't advertise anything, but if people ask, we will tell them so they will have the info. people still have the choice of going out and buying any kind of home stuff they would like to get us if they're more traditional and want to do it that way.

 

Why didn't you have these clarifications in your original post?

[tiyana4]

Wow! thanks for all your feedback, i really appreciate reading everyone's different points of view on this.

 

To clarify, I personally think asking for money is tacky and i don't want to do it. My fiancee thinks it's TOTALLY fine and REALLY wants to do it. I'm trying to compromise and figured the honeymoon might be the best way to do it. .

 

In your own words.......even you think it's tacky.

 

My travel agent said we could register through her, we could get a website that shows the things we want to do while on our cruise (swim with dolphins, snorkel, get a massage, etc) and register for those things so people could give gifts to pay for some or all of those kinds of things. I feel better asking for specific things rather than just money, strange but that's just me. At least people can pick a specific thing and pay for part or all of that depending on their budget and they KNOW what they're getting for us. .

 

In all honestly, you're not supposed to ask for anything. What happens when not enough people contribute to cover all of these costs? Let's see.....Dolphin swim - $119 pp, massage in the day spa - $99 pp, Snorkeling - $40 pp...........plus champagne and wine onboard......these things add up. I would not feel comfortable making my guests feel obligated to contribute to something that really should be taken care of by the family of the couple.

 

I know you're not supposed to advertise this in the wedding invitation so we wouldn't. If people asked us, we would tell them where we're "registered" so IF they wanted to, they could gift that way through the travel agent. We're not expecting anything and won't advertise anything, but if people ask, we will tell them so they will have the info. people still have the choice of going out and buying any kind of home stuff they would like to get us if they're more traditional and want to do it that way.

 

The key words are IF PEOPLE ASK. What if no one asks because they already have a unique gift in mind, i.e., stocks or bond contributions to encourage building your financial future as newly weds? Etiquette dictates that you do not expect anything (as you stated yourself) but that you be appreciative of whatever they choose to give you.