hucifer

Keep your fingers crossed that one of the gifts may be Mexican...

And here I was, thinking an embroidered robe and chocolate-covered strawberries would suffice. Now I am expecting a chocolate-covered Robo wearing nothing but an embroidered robe.

Villain knows exactly how you feel, everyone is more well endowed than him, too.

I cannot support that comment unless I have photographic evidence.

OMG...loving your review, even though it seems much more than just a review. I love travelling solo (all over Europe) but have not cruised solo. Can't wait to hear more.

I think you're right. It's more a glimpse into my thought process than an actual review. That's why I was careful to not mislead with a title like "Western Caribbean on Allure Sept 24 - 1 Oct." Actually, I think that is the first time that I even mentioned that it was a Western Caribbean tour. Anyway, kudos to you for solo traveling to Europe! A friend of mine did too and he said it was one of the greatest times of his life.

Honey, you have to learn how to zoom in! I had much better pictures of these guys in my Allure review, but, all my pics disappeared when Snapfish went away.

What I lack in photography skills, I make up for in imagination.

Ill be seeing these guys in August. Maybe my dh will be at the casino and I can go myself

Tell them I said hi and that I owe them a lick. You can be my assistant.

Hucifer, I hear the Red Party is perfect for solo cruisers to meet. As for the Maureen, I can attest that she loves the strong men from Allure. Needless to say she was disappointed to discover that there were not comparable men in the Harmony AT show. Thankfully Yorkvillain and I didn’t have to recreate/reenact that portion of the show for her.

 

I will continue to follow along with Windex and paper towel for occasional iPad cleaning. I might also have to bring it for venu seat cleaning, especially if you and York have sat previous to me.:D

A quick Google search produced no results for me...what is this elusive Red Party you speak of? If you DO have to reenact any of the aqua show, please let me know when and where. Thank you.

I am sorry about the mess I leave behind. Next time I'll bring a towel.

O.M.G. Where is the rest of it? I would rather binge watch than wait for a new episode because this happens...I can't wait! You should write a blog about solo traveling. Would be great. My DH does not care to cruise and I expect I will cruise solo sometime soon since none of my sisters can seem to get it together to plan a sister trip more than every five years.

You may be my lucky star, but I'm the luckiest by far...

Sorry. I see your name and think Madonna.

I love your idea about a travel blog, but unless I have investors for said travel (HINT HINT), that is unlikely to happen. I couldn't imagine getting paid to travel. No wait, I can. Work pays me to travel all the time. Then again, I travel to places like York, PA and Picatinny Arsenal, New Jersey.

"...In the industrial town of York, hidden beneath the bowels of the city, there lies a hidden gem of a Puerto Rican restaurant..."

If you do get to cruise solo, you too will get addicted. Heed my words.

You are a cruel mistress... wile your way into our hearts and minds, only to leave us destitute and devoid of the pleasure of your company... verily, I check and recheck... hoping to find those witty and sarcastic words that strike at my heart, which shares your penchant for the dramatic sarcasm... it's like being on a life raft and watching the plane fly away hoping it comes back... no.. wait.. that's not it... It's like yer mum going off for dessert seconds for all, but she doesn't come back, and that peach cobbler is just-to-die-for... that's better... or it could.. no .. I can't go there here... anyway... one hopes real life is not weighing on you ..

I may be cruel, but it isn't intentional. Unless you want it to be. And I prefer cake over cobbler.

Real life was just busy for a minute. I think I'm good for a couple days to catch up!

Why all the impatience? People get busy doing stuff when they are not at work.

The impatience is a compliment. But yes, life got busy OUTSIDE of work, tee hee.

Maybe this will bring her back.

To the tune of Big Spender with apologies to Dame Shirley Bassey.

 

The moment I opened the thread

I could tell you were a gal of sarcasm

A real hot poster

Young looking and unrefined

Everybody wants to know what's on your mind

So let me get straight to the point

 

Hey hot poster, Hey hot poster

 

Post another tale for me.

A song parodied in my honor. And calling me "hot," no less. I am humbled.

[revered curtsey]

All caught up on your review so far and keep up the great work, Hucifer!

I'll keep trying to keep up AND keeping it great. No promises though. Thanks for posting!

Well... because the story is compelling and the teller has a way about her? (try not to view what we say in negative terms, but in positive...) I am in no way being critical with my posts.. actually trying to be encouraging and as sarcastic as she, but that may be a futile effort on my part...

I take your posts in the spirit in which they were intended, so no worries.

Obviously you missed the sarcasm on my part. She can no longer post at work....get it.... the only place she had time to hang out on the internet is when she SHOULD have been working, and for the Feds no less...get it now?

That's because your sarcasm font was turned off. And you're right. The one place I have time (work) is the one place I cannot access my beloved Cruise Critic.

I just assumed she’s been having non-stop hot intense sex since the cruise and can’t be bothered until after Thanksgiving at the earliest.

Pfffffft. I wish.

Didn't her son ask for a baby brother in return for being left home while mom cruises around the Caribbean? Maybe she is trying to accommodate his wishes?

I keep trying, but at age 47...I am finding that it is difficult to do.

Relax. Take a deep breath.

 

It’s not a big deal if you don’t respond to people’s post in a timely manner. People are not logging in to read about your responses to their postings. They want to read about your trip and your witty comments.

 

From personal experience, I know it’s hard to juggle work/family/real life and then find time to come to CC and find something clever to reply to each post. On top of that, it’s not easy trying to sort through your pictures to decide on which ones to attach to the trip report and actually finding time and energy to write it.

 

As I said in my initial post, it’s much easier to be a guest at a party than being a host. You’re at the point where you are running around greeting more and more guests while trying to restock the food and drinks. Just relax and just focus on the trip report one installment at a time. Your guests can chat among themselves without you being there at center of every conversation, especially given the software restrictions.

 

Write whenever you have time. No pressure here. This is supposed to be fun, not stressful...

[inhales and exhales several times]

That's better. Thanks Harry.

Well, as the hostess, I do not like to ignore any of my guests. Added pressure, yes. I will respond to a post that was directed to me. That's just my style. I'll admit that it bums me out when I take the time to compliment a poster and hear nothing in return. That's one thing I loved about your report, is that you engaged every poster. It took longer, but it was so appreciated, and it made your report that much more fun.

WAITING!!

Posting! I swear!

You have my empathy... computers are ... bastards!!

 

You're upset because you care... so in a way, that is a good thing..

 

if I had some rum and fruit juice, I'd make a tropical drink in your honor.... instead I'll pat the dog...

Now I'm terrified, as I type this ALLLLLLL out again, that it will happen for a second time. And then I will indeed cry.

I hope "pat the dog" isn't a euphemism for something else.

I just spent twenty minutes copy/pasting the responses and replying to them...and the website took a dump on me. I want to cry. Maybe I will.

I am so sorry for the delays...between work, my son's basketball commitments, and life in general, I have not been able to get online.

enjoy the game...thanks for the condolences...and, yes, I would/will travel on a cruise solo if/when the opportunity arises...right now I will go on cruises with family members for the experience of family togetherness (I know many are rolling their eyes right now haha)...but if they give up on cruising, and I am still able to travel, I'll go solo : )

Once you go solo...well, it's hard to give up all the control. Although, admittedly, I would love to cruise with a significant other as well. Not that I have one.

I am loving this review! You are a talented writer!!!

 

I cruise solo all the time! In three weeks I leave on my biggest solo cruise adventure in doing an "around the Horn" cruise on X. I have cruised by myself from Europe, on a TransAtlantic, and of course several destinations in/out of a US Port. But flying to Chile by myself is a bit big even for me. But, I have connected with folks on my roll call and we all are sharing transport to the port - so that always adds a level of comfort.

 

With all the fun I have cruising solo - many of my friends have asked to join me on a few of my cruises - so I let them but insist of still having my own room. Cruising with friends is fun - but cruising solo is even better!

 

Keep your review coming as it makes me laugh and smile and be happy all over.

 

Lisa, 56 but looks 30!!!

You are my hero. That cruise "around the Horn" sounds absolutely inspiring. Flying to Chile by myself would be WAY out of my comfort zone, but if I did it, I would be proud that I accomplished something that amazing. Are you doing a trip report?

You look thirty? Mrowr, girl.

I have hours of Jimmy Buffet tunes. They keep me in Pirate mode even though the cannons don’t thunder and there is nothing to plunder.

So you appear to be all set in the music department. And in the plundering department, should the opportunities arrive.

Seriously... we should build our own singles cruise of CC junkies... I would envision lots of laughing... bring the child with... he can learn about NYC and what Mom looks like the morning after chasing pool boys around... :P

I love this idea...a solo/single Royal cruise. If we can pull this off, it would be epic. But not in a Norwegian way.

"Great minds think alike, but then again..... so do idiots!"

 

To be used at just the right moment!

Well, aren't you thoughtful?

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte / Jeffrey Paul "Jeph" Jacques is an American cartoonist who writes and draws the webcomics Questionable Content, Alice Grove, and DORD. Hello Hucifer! Hmm - it seems I read somewhere that THIS is your eighth cruise and you are Platinum going on Emerald. I have the same condition. I keep cruising until I get it right. Evidently there is a steep learning curve, or I am quite slow. Pardon me while i comb my eyebrows while I wait for your next installment.

I am loving all these quotes, people.

And thank you for the information. The things I didn't know that I never knew...

Actually, I just made Emerald status [curled lip]. So my next cabin should be filled with assorted gifts from the cruise line.

You are adorable!!! Keep it up

You must be confusing me with my friend Wendy. I'll let her know you think so.

OMG - I can't count that high but I think I may be follower number 19,058 or so... and you are a cruel, cruel woman - leaving us hanging with "The Closest I came to Having Sex". I poured wine and popped popcorn and everything... c'mon... spill it!!!

Uh oh. I hope you weren't sitting all night and waiting for my next installment. I have to go to my son's basketball game this morning and promise to update this afternoon.

And I think you're number 18.

This one did take me by surprise. Caffeine seems a rather, shall we say, benign, pleasure, compared to some of the others you mention, or carefully decline to mention.

 

But if I don't have to drink booze anymore, I suppose you don't have to drink high octane espresso. And since I occasionally have the, well, occasion, along with the desire, to pound a beer, that means O'Doul's. And I get pretty much the same kind of response you describe above. "What's the point?" I don't know, what's the point of you getting all judgy about my business?

Caffeine gives me the shakes. But I love coffee, so I drink the nonleaded version. So you pound back the O'Doul's and I will drink my decaffeinated Pike's Place.

Totally enjoying this

You ninja-posted on me.

My ego is glad you're sticking with it. More to come.

Enjoying your review. Score one from a fossilized old geezer from Florida. Try breakfast in the”Wipe Out” cafe, deck 15 aft.

Oh, totally forgot about that little place. I think I walked by it once.

Wait. Are YOU the fossilized old geezer? And why a score?

Great review, have to go back an RE-Read to make sure I caught it all. As a solo cruiser it’s my time to turn all the crap off and all my receptors on. Just relax and enjoy!!

Thank you! Before solo traveling, I download a new playlist of songs and only listen to those songs on the trip. Then, when I come home, every time I hear the songs they remind me of that particular cruise. It takes me back...ahhh

"What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?" Jeph JacquesHucifer - It's taken me to page 8 to weigh in - your review is outstanding! Like a mini-series I wait for the next installment to savor. My next cruise (number 8!) is in January - reading reviews helps me mentally prepare for the pain and suffering I must endure while sailing pointlessly through the azure waters of the tepid Caribbean. Thank you for your review!

Another quote! Very nice. I approve. Although, admittedly, I've never heard of Jeph Jacques. Is he Chinese?

THIS WILL BE YOUR EIGHTH CRUISE??? Wow, you've been on a lot of cruises! Are you like, Platinum or something? [revered admiration]

Thank you for your compliment! That is very nice to read.

Oh my,... I'll have to read the next post with my hands over my ears...

Awww...then you'll miss the best parts.

"Your killing me smalls" -Ham Porter, The Sandlot, 1993

 

I swear lurking and waiting for these is like waiting on book three of a new trilogy to be released.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk

So I'm like the Catching Fire of trip reports?

That seriously made me LOL.

 

I'll be taking my first cruise on Monday with my 13 year old son. I imagine it will feel like a solo trip more than a family trip since he's planning to spend more time doing teen things instead of sitting around drinking and reading. I've solo travelled a lot in my life including to Disney. I prefer solo most of the time, especially at Disney (sorry, kid).

 

Thank you for your trip report. Can't wait to read more about Robo!!

 

Sent from my Moto G (4) using Forums mobile app

Disney alone can be fun, but damn it is a busy trip. Jeeze, you're leaving MONDAY? There is no way I will have completed this thing by then. Please enjoy your cruise!

You can't wait to read more about Robo? I can't wait to TALK more about Robo. Mrowr.

You are killing me with laughter. Keep it coming!

That's a lot of pressure, woman.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

 

All those passengers who didn't sit by you completely missed out on some excellent conversations. One of my favorite trip reports to date. Makes me want to cruise solo with you. Wait, is that an oxymoron? (and who are you calling moron?)

 

I convinced DH, in a mad dash to become Diamond + (what is the facial expression for that? Smirk? I think royal wave is reserved for Pinnacle) that I needed a solo trip next Feb on the Serenade. Not a Beast by any means, but I'm looking forward to it.

 

I am completely offended that you called Love Boat obscure. Now Emperor's New Groove....Love the references and think I caught most of them. Maybe I'm the one who is obscure?

 

And you got to sail with Grant, one of my favorite AD's ever.

 

Thanks for sharing your trip and digressions with us - it has been a fun ride so far and I look forward to the rest.

You started with a funny quote! Love. <3

Yes, let's plan a double solo trip. I'll stop calling you Moron, but I won't stop calling you Shirley.

Diamond plus would be more like -------> [in your face!] But yay on your next solo trip! Beast or not, I am jealous.

And THANK YOU for picking up on my Emperor's New Groove reference. I think I only had the one, though.

I did like Grant. Thought he was funny and engaging. But he was no Robo...sigh...:hearteyes:

OK .. I am hooked... LOVE you writing style... what are you doing Jan '19... I am planning an Anthem cruise.. The 2019 Sarcasm Express!!

Thank you sir. What am I doing January 2019....hmmm...

[consults crystal ball]

Crabbing about our bitter Michigan winter? Wishing I was on the Sarcasm Ship? Details are fuzzy.

DAY 2, part 1: I FIND THE FUTURE MR. HUCIFER

“I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.”

--Dave Attell

I’m on page 8 and just getting to Day 2? Are you still with me? Jeeze, you people either are gluttons for punishment, completely bored, or can’t look away from the accident that is my trip report. In any case, I don’t know whether to applaud you or apologize for sticking with it. So thank you. And I’m sorry.

Onward…

I decide to try breakfast at the Park Café. Let me sum up what I thought of it in one word:

Ehhh.

Not the cornucopia of choices here, my friend. I am able to find an egg and sausage sandwich though, so it satisfied the need. Not awesome. But passable. Because I love Central Park so much, I walk outside with my sandwich and decaf coffee to enjoy the ambience of fake bird chirps.

Right here I have to stop and say, yes. I drink decaf. All this energy and sass [points to self] comes naturally, people. I feel like I need to explain because people apparently think this is weird. I get a lot of crap like, “Coffee without caffeine? What’s the point?” And I say, “I happen to like the taste?” But naysayers are everywhere, and they can’t imagine why anyone would drink coffee unless they had to.

All I can say is, it’s a good thing that I put the food and drink down on the table before I sat down, otherwise they would have been all over me. The cushioned chairs out there are LOW. Like, down to the ground low. Much lower than they appear to the unsuspecting eye. So low, in fact, that your chin will be level with the table and you’ll feel like a toddler eating at a grown-up table without a booster seat. I grossly miscalculate the distance between rear and cushion and I about fall backwards when I sit down. I land with an umph.

[casually look around to see if anyone saw]

After breakfast, it’s time to do something that is LONG OVERDUE: find the sea. If you remember, we shoved off at 5:30 the evening before, which was when I showed up for dinner. By the time the meal was over, it was too dark to see anything. And on this ship…if you have an interior2 cabin [patooey!], the places to actually view the surroundings are quite limited. I have to make an effort every day to see water. This is one of my biggest Allure complaints.

The sea! At long last...the SEA.

Speaking of complaining…when I got off the ship on day 8 I had NO SEA LEGS. I never knew how much I would miss the rocking feeling that stays with you after disembarkation. Barely felt the ship move at all this week. For those with motion sickness, I’m sure it’s a blessing. But I actually like being conscious of being on a boat: unintentionally catching ocean views from walking past a window, or being rocked to sleep in your cabin. While The Beast is a contemporary wonder, there are some basic things that she doesn’t have which I love about cruising.

So I am enjoying the morning and sniffing a little sea air when a text comes in. Yes, you read that right. A TEXT.

[raised eyebrow, gaping mouth, sudden coughing fit]

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Nope. Not kidding. I stare at my phone. This text is not just from anyone. It’s from my BOSS. I am in a momentary panic because I think…did I forget to put this phone on airplane mode? Am I fired? No, I am not fired and no, the little airplane symbol is displayed on top of my phone. So how in the name of all that’s holy did I get a text? And from HIM, of all people? While I am momentarily freaking out about this, he had written, “I can’t remember if Mexico is one of your stops, but if you are scheduled to stop there, there is a travel advisory against it and I hope you will not be getting off the ship.”

Wait. What?

[sudden burst of uncontrolled laughter]

We’ll just pretend that I didn’t see that text until I get back to Lauderdale.

[crumples text and tosses overboard, walking away, casually whistling tune]

After I recover from my impromptu emotional outburst, it’s time for the Welcome Back thingee. For those in the know, it’s for Platinum [patooey!] and above, so I was totally invited. The best part about this event? FREE BOOZE. “I’ll take two Mimosas. The other is for my friend who isn’t here but will be coming and will be thirsty and very happy that I grabbed one for her. I’m super thoughtful that way.” Because no one is going to believe that a hot chick like me came on this ship alone.

Before.

After.

The event begins and Captain Stubing introduces himself and his crew. My favorite crewmembers were the naked ones who performed tricks for us. Was hoping that they were going to ask for a female volunteer from the audience to wipe up their sweat with either a towel or her tongue, her choosing. But no such luck. I may never cruise on this ship again with all its disappointments.

I choose...tongue.

Definitely tongue again, but I may need some assistance.

I also attend the Meet and Greet. Actually, that happened before the Welcome Back thingee. Geeze, I have SO MANY personal invitations to things that I just can’t keep them straight. The event is interesting in the fact that I would pretty much not run into any of these people around the ship for the rest of the week, and the point of these is to make the ship a little smaller by meeting folks. And here’s a funny contrast: at home I tell people that this is my eighth cruise and they’re all, “Your EIGHTH cruise? Wow you take a lot of cruises!” And I’m all, yeah. Look at me, the cruising expert. I’m PLATINUM. And then I watch them marvel at my Platinum-ness. The ignorant fools.

Then I go on Cruise Critic or meet folks on the ship who have taken a thousand cruises. My Platinum-ness [patooey!] suddenly becomes a big embarrassment as I revere the Diamond, Diamond-Plus, and Pinnacle people around me. But everyone is really nice at the event and no one shames my Crown and Anchor status. At least not to my face.

Prizes are awarded. I don’t win. I return to my inferior interior2 cabin empty-handed.

I drag my rear into the Champagne Bar, where the solo lunch meet starts. There are only two others: a very young fresh-out-of-college girl named Erin who is staying with her brother and his family on the ship on the 17th deck (I didn’t even know The Beast HAD cabins on the 17th deck), and a fifty-something divorced man named Frank or Steve or Bob or something who is vacationing on casino comps and is here with other casino folks. This isn’t my first solo luncheon, so the low number didn’t surprise me. A crewmember walks us to the Silk dining room and sits us at a large table with three other couples, all of which were way cooler than the couple that sit at my dinner table. Conversation goes well enough, but the three of just don’t have enough in common to continue socializing after lunch. Frank/Steve/Bob’s eyes keep licking me up and down throughout the lunch, so the sooner I finish this delicious build-your-own-pasta dish and run from the table, the better. I mention to the other two that I like how The Beast actually has digital clocks in the rooms. Frank/Steve/Bob’s eyes darted momentarily away from my legs to look me in the eyes and say, “I know, but the clock is downstairs, and my bed is upstairs, so I can’t see it when I’m in bed.”

[blinks]

So if I didn’t already feel steerage enough with my interior2 cabin, I’m dining with 17th-deck, superior ocean-view, multistory cabin dwellers. Like Fat Albert dining with Mariah Carey and Thurston Howell.

After lunch, the Sexiest Man Alive contest is scheduled to begin at the Aqua Theatre. I take a seat in the hot sun and patiently wait for the young eye candy to make appearances.

And then I saw him. Robo. He is working with Grant, the activities manager, to collect names for the contest. He’s from Mexico and is the sexiest thing I’ve seen with a clipboard and sunglasses since Bubbles.

[Robo casually looks around the audience and suddenly locks eyes with me. Tchaikovsky's Romeo & Juliet Overture swells while Robo and I stare at each other. He drops his clipboard, throws off his sunglasses, then runs toward me in slow motion.]

So I stare at Robo while I wait for the contest to begin. It starts late because they can’t get enough contestants to sign up. And that makes me very sad. But eventually a few men sign up. And when Grant asks for female volunteers to judge the contest, I am screaming Robo’s name and waving my arms frantically to get called. Nope. Rejected like Walter Mondale in a Presidential election. Apparently boring my eyes at Robo while saliva dribbles down my chin is an undesirable quality for judging this event.

The contest is fun. I enjoy watching the men wiggle around and do their best to convince the judges that they should win. Of particular note is the young man who brought a rubber horse head mask to the contest and danced Gangnam style. Maybe not the sexiest, but definitely portrayed the best personality. And, let’s be honest, personality IS sexy.

Gangnam guy doing his thing. Robo (sigh) is behind the judges.

When the contest is over and we all funnel out of the theatre, Robo is at the top of the stairs. As I pass him I say, “I have to tell you. You are extremely hot.”

Robo is taken by surprise but thanks me and says, “If you want to see more of me, I’ll be wearing very little and playing volleyball in the sports pool later today.” A personal invite to see a nearly-naked Robo? OMG.

[bites lip]

And while he does seem genuinely flattered that an old woman like me thinks he’s hot, he does not drop his clipboard or even remove his sunglasses.

That’s okay. I have six more days to win you over, Robo.

[maniacal laugh]

UP NEXT: THE CLOSEST I COME TO HAVING SEX

You can download the app to read and reply to the forum on your cell phone if you don’t want to wait until you get home or else you might find yourself spending precious time nightly replying to each post instead of looking for photos and writing the new installment that everyone is clamoring for. I know this from personal experience…

I sometimes check CC on my cell at work, but doing the multi-respond thing is easiest from a laptop. Until work realizes that CC is a simple, but humble message board with no intention of harming our security at work, I am stuck with limited response time. Curse you, government! [raises fist]

I think hucifer is referring to the fact that when you click on the “multi quote” button for 3 or more people, only 2 of them show up when you click on the regular quote button. Typically not an issue for majority of the people as they just typically quote 1 or 2 people but if you are a thread starter (OP) and you want to reply quickly to people in a single quick reply post, you have to do a little more work to manually copy and paste the 3rd and 4th replies.

 

Maybe there is a way to do it but I’m somewhat technically challenged and I couldn’t make it work by holding down either the shift or control key while clicking on the multi quote button, thinking it’s like other windows programs to stack multiple quotes.

 

But yeah, it’s a good thing to run up the click count as Cruise critic rebates you 1 month's worth of your annual subscription for every 10,000 views so keep writing as it pays the bills...;p

Yes sir. You are correct. All that copy/pasting/coding is so time-consuming, while hitting the multi-quote button is so dang easy. And I do not intend to fill up my thread with replies.

Solo transatlantics can’t be beat for a great time and lots of points! You could probably go straight to the much coveted diamond! I’m Enjoying the review, I’m considering a 7 night on one of the big girls for my 50th.

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

Oh, believe me. I have done the math. One 14-night solo TA would take me straight to Diamond. Plus, the cost is incredibly reasonable for an interior. But I just can't justify missing my time with my son, since I have him every other week.

State has plenty of haters from U of M! But we showed them! Go Green!

OMG did we show them.

I am following this thread as well...I have traveled solo before, most notably to WDW a few times and enjoyed it...haven't yet cruised solo though...unlike some solo cruisers, I actually live alone and have for many years now, so a lot of alone time is actually a requirement for me...have cruised carnival, norwegian and royal--and so far my favorite is royal and in particular allure--I love this ship! your posts so far are bringing back some wonderful memories...I cruised allure with my mom as her 75th birthday cruise (she passed away this past april)...my next cruise will probably be on Harmony--which appears to be a lot like allure, so that should be exciting

Aww, I can see why the Allure is so special to you. My condolences on the passing of your mom. Are you considering solo cruising?

Hi. Hope you can get back up on CC at work! I'd be devastated if I couldn't access at work LOL

 

Did you go to the gym? If so, what time were you there in the mornings and were you able to get a treadmill? Did you have to wait long for machines and were there any complimentary classes?

 

Thanks so much and can't wait to read more!

I hope work clears up their security a bit because what is so bad about a message board?

Your gym question...ummm...although I work out every day at home, on vacation I normally avoid the gym. I eat instead. But I have used the gyms in the past and found them not that crowded. I have also taken some classes. Some were great and some were just okay, but they were all extra costs.

Hi! I'm joining this post as a reader, but don't bother wasting your time replying to my comment...just give us more! I'm transported to my childhood when my friends and I would brattily pound our fists on the dining room table chanting "We want food! We want food!" but instead it's now "We want more! We want more!"

I know many thread starters don't acknowledge all posts, but I believe that if someone is going to take the time to respond, I should recognize them for it. I appreciate that people post here. But yes...I took today off from work and I am posting another segment. Promise!

I dont know my number, but a real teehee outta Isaac making ur drink

Ahh, thank you for also recognizing my Love Boat reference. I love sharp-eyed people like you.

Ok, apparently, I'm late to this party, but hey, it's a party! Now, I want to hear about your sarcastic adventures with chair hogs, kids who fill up the hot tubs and people who wear shorts and tank tops in the MDR.

 

Also, lanyards. I think we need more posts about lanyards.

Late or not, I welcome anyone who stops by for a drink. OMG, your post made me laugh. But I feel I must be honest up front: I do not address any of those issues. Except maybe lanyards because people who wear them make me sick.

Also...who is the OTHER other Chad?

thanks for that. post 104 does clear up my question unfortunately.

 

guess i must have got very lucky on my first ever cruise with a lovely american lady 15 years my senior

 

anyway back to the review, hucifer, tell us more about your friend wendy..............

Readers are leaders, I'm told. And if you read, you will find that action doesn't follow me too much. Social reject and all that. I'm not OPPOSED to it, it just that the pickings are slim.

*sigh* Another reader who is more interested in Wendy. The price I pay for posting her damn picture.

Tell your company coach Dantonio and myself are big fans of yours can't wait for the rest of your review looking forward as I'm sure others are. GO SPARTANS

I can do that, but I don't know how productive that will be. I swear I'm posting another segment today.

Time to find a new job :p

I work for the government. It's as cushy as you get.

I don't think there's a quoting limit - besides, you can pad you post count with individual posts, you know, if you are into that kind of thing.

Au contraire, mon frere. Just two. Unless you manipulate the coding, which I do on occasion, as it is not my intent to up my post count. Case in point...

#3:

Go White!

Spoken like a true Spartan. :cool:

You may need bacon therapy

 

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Is that when they pry your mouth open and force you to eat it until you can't stomach it anymore?

Love your review, love sarcasm, I'm all in!

Sailing Allure in August!

 

Love my alone time although I've only done Disney solo for two days before meeting up with my mom and haven't been able to cruise solo yet leaving my kids and dh at home but a girl can dream LOL

 

Thanks for the review and pictures!

Oh, you're going to love The Beast. I didn't think a ship could wow me after seven cruises, but she did. In so many ways.

Did you enjoy Disney alone? I went for four days. By the fourth, I was ready to come home. I am NOT like that on cruises, though. Seven days wasn't enough.

I just hit the subscribe button as loving your lowest form of wit so far.

 

I’ve not been on Allure but have been on her wider girthed sister. Neither do I cruise solo, although I really hope to do so someday, once the 15 year old locust who lives with me disappears to Uni and the lovely husband I have sees that it makes sense, since he has an employer with limited holidays and I’m my own employer with unlimited holidays. Shame that!

 

He’ll see it’s only fair that I take the hit to advance us on double points towards the elusive diamond status [emoji51]

 

Looking forward to the rest of your review!

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Makes total sense to me. Go forth and obtain points so your husband can enjoy them later! You should book a solo after your 15yo leaves home. Go ahead. Do it.

Absolutely loving your review!! Took my first solo cruise last year (have cruised tons and solo-ed through Europe) and loved it. Counting down till Sunday when I run away from life's insanity to relax and recharge on the Freedom of the Seas. Your review is saving my sanity until then!

Glad I can help! [bows humbly]

I absolutely love solo travel. Love meeting people, love eating (not people).

I've been on Freedom. Great class of ship!

Following along, love the tongue in cheek.

 

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I'm glad you do. This tongue has gotten me into trouble PLENTY of times.

Quick question about Windjammer... I know it is crowded. I've read that in many reviews, but I wonder for breakfast is there a better time to go? Like early around 630-7am. We are traveling in march on allure and my father would be really upset if he can't enjoy the buffet (i swear he is only going for the buffet). I could take or leave breakfast but as long as I can send my parents up early to eat while the rest of the family gets ready that would be helpful. TY.

I know John&LaLa already responded, but let me affirm that earlier is better. But it isn't that much trouble getting a table whenever you go, except on the first and last days.

Adventure had 4 stations on the outside deck, only 1 was completely stocked and ready to use. I couldn't get Gina away from the pool. I was the 6th grade champion of Wesleyville, PA.

That's quite a title you hold. I never see anyone -- ever, at any time, playing shuffleboard.

Completely unrelated to shuffleboard or solo cruising - but I grew up next door to Wesleyville (on the western edge of Millcreek). :)

 

By the way - enjoying the trip report, slow going as it's been. ;)

Yeah, yeah. It's slow. I know. As I explained above (not sure if you read replies I give to others), my employer decided that Cruise Critic is now a restricted site. And I am crazy-busy after work with my son's after-school activities. So my updates have slowed down considerably these past few days. But glad you are enjoying! I will post again today!

WHY WHY WHY don't they let us quote more than two people at a time?

Following along.

 

I did my first solo cruise in August to Alaska and going solo to Disney in March.

What did you think of your first solo cruise? Not sure if you saw me mention it, but I did a solo thing to WDW back in 2009. Loved it.

I've never cruised before but will soon leave for my first one. I travel solo to Europe or US places. I have three booked one of which is solo and in that solo cabin on Epic that is ALWAYS SOLD OUT ! I suppose I think I will fancy cruising. Looking forward to exploring your report.

Cruising is fabulous. It's my go-to vacation because everything is done for you. It can be as relaxing or as active as you want it to be. And I love how the crew gets to know you and your preferences. I've never done solo on Norwegian, but I hear so many good things about how they treat their solo guests.

 

That would be me!

Don't think I didn't pick up on the irony of this post. Welcome, btw. :)

It's a bit out the way on Allure on deck 6 all the way aft behind the Aquatheatre. Actually, most ships still have them.

 

Biker, who's waiting for part 2.

You know, the funny thing is, I was back there and actually saw it too. I guess it didn't register because I never ever ever see people playing shuffleboard anymore. Except on Love Boat reruns.

Between not being able to access Cruise Critic at work (which is a new thing, btw), and my son's crazy basketball schedule after work, my CC time is severely limited lately. So I am falling behind.

I am writing a preview and trip reports for my cruise on Freedom. Link in my signature.

 

The 3 is from my family of 3, but my now 19 year old son rarely cruises with us anymore. His first cruise in 2008.

 

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Your son is adorable here! And he's 19 now? WOW how quickly they grow. I will check out your report.

Ok, you're with Sparty that's ok. and this time of year its ISHIGAIN Loved the report. Hope to return to Allure again someday.

It appears that State has a lot fewer haters than Michigan. And I'm good with that.

Really enjoying your review, but you should come to South Texas. We got HEAT! And not as many geezers as in FL!

 

Maybe your review will inspire me to step out and travel solo. DH doesn’t like to travel as much as I do (am part gypsy!).

 

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I love Texas. And Texans. I would gladly live there too. Besides, a man with an accent...ooh yeah. Mama like.

My first solo trip was to WDW, back when I was married. I had a very supportive husband. I did not regret it at all, and that's when I learned to love solo travel. So I highly encourage you to try it.

I am absolutely loving your review. Your reference to Issac almost caused sparkling water to shoot out my nose from laughter. Reading your posts will make the 18 days until I sail away on Adventure go quickly. I'm tempted to bribe you with Samoas girl scout cookies to be your pen-pal from Illinois when you get home.

Do you know how happy that makes me when people pick up on my obscure references? I have a scattering of references to Love Boat, Seinfeld, Emperor's New Groove, etc in this report. The people that catch them are my new besties.

Eighteen days is nothing. Enjoy your cruise and we'll see you when you get back.

Tremendous review hucifer. For a minute there I thought I was reading a maureencruiser review. And that's a good thing! My pants are wetter than yours were at the Jazz Club. Love all the sarcasm. Looking forward to the rest.

 

And feel free to include more photos of Wendy at any time.

Not that I make a habit of sniffing seats before I sit down, but my nose did detect a slight hint of ammonia in the club.

I'm afraid that I don't have many photos of Wendy, so you'll have to settle with the one. She does have a certain je ne sais quoi about her, no? It sucks living in the shadow of a hot, well-endowed friend, which is why I really have to lay the personality down thick. Never works though.

Ahhhh....cough, cough.....should I mention this?.....

 

I was born and bred in Ohio. That’s right, I’m proud of my Buckeyes. I’d like to apologize to a Michigan State alum after the whooping Saturday by OSU. As long as you bleed GREEN and not BLUE, we can be good friends. My Buckeyes will no doubt get whooped by UofM Thanksgiving weekend. Sigh.

 

Back to your outstanding review! I’m the queen of sarcasm in my family, so I love it!

 

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Ah, you did a ninja post while I was posting. Very sneaky.

No need to apologize. I am still gloating over our last victory with Michigan. It was beautiful. [sniff]

Hope you enjoy my latest installment, Sarcasm Queen.

DAY 1, part 2: THE SOCIAL REJECT

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

-- George Burns

So now it’s time to figure out my way back to the main areas and explore The Beast. I wish that I had left breadcrumbs. Pictures did not adequately prepare me for how massive The Beast really looks on the Boardwalk, or how lovely and serene Central Park can be both during the day and the evening. I found myself toggling between the two areas throughout the cruise. I thought the Solarium was the most beautiful and largest I’ve ever seen on a cruise ship. As if the Solariums on the other ships were afterthoughts, this one seems so delicately designed and arranged. It was another awe-inspiring area of this already impressive ship.

Who's a beast? Who is? That's right...you are!

The purtiest solarium this side of the Mississippi

Don’t let my sarcasm fool you; I am single by choice. Been divorced for a year and a half and I enjoy my freedom, space, and wandering eye. It was no accident that my first solo cruise was on the aptly-named Independence. It represented a new chapter in life for me; one that I was happy to begin. Unlike my ex, who is on his second engagement since the divorce and is currently scheduled to be married this December. I don’t judge, it’s just that we have very different ideas of life after divorce. Okay, I judge a little. Anyway, one thing that drives me crazy is the number of people who ask before and after a solo cruise if I’m going to meet anyone or get any “action” on board…as if these are the goals of taking cruises. Like being single and alone is a bad thing, or that I can’t be happy without a man in my life, or as if I can’t go a week without bow-chicka-bow-bow. I get asked this every time I take a cruise since the divorce. I cruise because it is one of my favorite ways to vacation. I cruise alone because it is so empowering. Not to meet a man, and not for some slap-and-tickle. Certainly not for shuffleboard, as I think this cruise activity disappeared with the dodo.

So the booze. Digression Queen has to be reminded of what point she meandered away from. I can’t think of a more apropos drink than a pina colada. Mostly because I am a coconut prostitute. In real life I call myself something a little more objectionable than “prostitute,” but you get the idea. Want me to eat your nasty liver casserole? Throw some coconut flakes on it. Want me to drink a vat of poison? Pour in some coconut milk. It’s that easy. I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Anyway, with $50 on-board credit giving me an eyebrow waggle, I needed to start burning through it ASAP. Which is easy to do. I ask Isaac to make me a pina colada. He pours boxed pina colada mix, ice, and a drop of rum into a blender, then serves it with his signature double-point-with-a-smile. $15 for this. Hardly worth the price, but hey. A tradition is a tradition. Now I’m down to $35. That went fast. We haven’t even shoved off yet. I haven’t even unpacked 97.8% or whatever of my luggage.

Who's a blurry drink? Who? That's right...you are!

Ann and I, clearly upset about leaving the Independence last year.

 

See how every seat is taken? Yeah. SOCIAL REJECT.

Sitting in my own urine right about now.



 

Go Green!! [emoji172]

 

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Ooh, a fellow State fan!

Brevity is the soul of wit. Glad I'm not seeing any of that from the OP. ;)

Brevity is something you will not find here. Not with the queen of digression.

Great read! I would like to officially register as reader #13, unless we are skipping that number, in which case I’m #14.

 

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Okay, that made me laugh.

I am not a solo cruiser but I have mastered the art of loosing my family, or maybe it is the opposite they are so sick of me they run the other way. Love your review

Either way, consider it a blessing. Thank you! :)

Hmm, is it too late to interject a sarcasm warning on my preview-trip report? I speak sarcasm fluently.

 

Poor Julio, he's suspected of suspicion of solo anti-social guests.

Okay, LOVE the screen name. But why #3? Were the first two taken?

Are you writing a trip report too? Is it full of sarcastic replies? Am I missing it?

Julio was a little TOO friendly, if you know what I mean. [nudge nudge wink wink say no more] So naturally I think he's up to something.

I was going to agree with you thinking our weather was crap this weekend, then I remembered the OP is from that state up North, known this time of year as ichigan. ;)

Ichigan as in "itch" or "ick"?

Maybe being a single cruiser here is an advantage. As long as your not wearing a GO BLUE shirt, most people would be willing to let you sit if you ask if you can join your table It seems in the WJ on this class of ship, the only tables my wife and I can find are tables for 10 and I feel guilty taking them, but always try to signal people looking for seats they are welcome to use the rest of the table. Perhaps I look like the type who is not supposed to get within 100 yards of a school.

Okay, let's make this clear: I went to State, so I would NEVER wear a UofM shirt. I bleed green, not blue.

Second, I know you haven't read the second installment of day 1, as I haven't posted it yet, but as a social reject you will find that people do not want to sit with me. Ever.

And since I don't know what you look like, I can only make the assumption that your eagerness to invite people to your table seems a little too enthusiastic for this demographic.

Ok, I really wish I had discovered your review after you had posted ALL of it. Now, I have to wait not-so-patiently for more, while also waiting for the next episode of Game of Thrones! :loudcry:

I am not worthy of a comparison of that nature...but I'll take it! Glad you are enjoying it.

Waving from across the Seas and another solo cruiser. I also sneak off from DH and enjoy some quality “me” time too. I did solo on The Beast TA.....many many plus points. Including double points on a 14 nighter. 28 Kerr-ching!

DH says he wouldn’t like a TA and I think DH needs to keep working to pay for my TAs.... and I’m earning the points so he can reap the benefits when I let him come along! So thoughtful.

 

Looking forward to next instalment.

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Waving back. OMG...solo on a TA! Were you bored? Were most passengers retired? And yes, I have thought about those 28 points and have seen the low interior cabin prices and thought about booking. But don't know if I can be away from my son with our split custody arrangement. You are VERY thoughtful to share your C&A status with your husband. My future husband will love my Emerald status [curled lip].

I always wanted to try a solo cruise but then I chicken out. I thought as a three or four day would be the way to go to try it.

 

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Oh please try it! You will love it more than you think! My first solo was a 5-night and it wasn't near enough time.

Following along. I'm traveling next month, but with my 14 year old son. I suspect, though, that outside of meals, I will be a solo traveler. Interested in reading the rest of your review.

I'm sure your 14yo will want to abandon you from time to time, lol. Mine is still of the age where he only wants to hang with Mom and I would NEVER get any alone time on a cruise with him.

Fellow solo cruiser here. I can't wait to hear your take on Lady Allure. How were you able to quote three people at a time?

Ah, you caught that? It's a total cheat thing I did with this copy/paste of the coding. I have no idea why we can't quote more than two people at a time.

Another solo cruiser following along as I tick down the days to my next cruise in March next year. My break is the opposite of yours. I leave the folks at home while I take a break.

 

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I hope you enjoy your family-free vacation. Is it wrong to say that? Feels wrong.