hucifer

You're welcome, and anyway, I wanted you back as much as all the rest. Well, maybe not as much as some of your new male admirers, but that is another trip report. Thanks for your triumphant return. Since your review started, my family has sailed on Allure's big sis, Oasis of the Seas, and loved her just as you loved The Beast. They are incredible ships.

I'll be taking my boy on the Oasis this August! We are so excited!

DAY 4, cont: POPCORN PETE TESTS MY PATIENCE

I get ready for dinner and show up on time, per usual. And fifteen minutes later, here is what I see:

 

Table for...one? Is everyone trapped by Jamaican vendors?

Gerry keeps stopping by and asking if anyone else is coming. I said that I was pretty sure Tom was coming, but had no idea about the rest of the table. This is why I A) show up on time for dinner, and 2) inform the waitstaff of my alternative plans. They are busy enough taking care of us, they shouldn’t have to keep checking to see if we show up or not. Tom walks up shortly after I take the photo. I think another couple showed up tonight. I think. I don’t know, I didn’t take any notes and my memory isn’t reliable. It’s an age thing.

After dinner I hit the How To Train Your Dragon ice show. Let me preface by saying that I love this movie and that I love ice shows. But this particular performance does little for me. Mostly because it is very short, too short to really do the story justice. They speed through it so quickly that the plot isn’t well executed. If I didn’t know the story, I wouldn’t have understood it well. That, and the storyteller lady parks her big fat butt right in front of my seat and blocks half of the show.

 

Lady! Move your big fat butt so I can see!

That’s not the only reason my seat is lousy. As a solo guest, I have plenty of seat choices. I choose one by the aisle because I think I would have a good view. I mean, besides of the storyteller lady’s huge head. A couple sits next to me, but the man gets up to get popcorn or something shortly before the show starts and leaves an empty seat right next to me. The man takes FOREVER to get the popcorn. And as people are trickling in closer and closer to showtime, the quantity of people asking “Is that seat taken?” keeps growing and growing. At first I would smile at the guest and tell them no, that it’s taken by a man who will return when he damn well feels like it. But as more and more people ask, my smile fades away and now I am just grumbling no, move on people. And announcements are saying not to save seats, and I feel like a turd for saving a seat that isn’t even mine. And people just keep on asking. I want to just thumb at the Popcorn Pete’s wife and say, “Ask her.” It is getting obnoxious, and I am getting irritated. I want to say yes, sit there, please! The show starts, Popcorn Pete still hasn’t returned, people are still quietly pointing at it and asking me if it’s saved. Let’s remember the Mama Mia! seating, and how I was surrounded in empty seats that no one wanted. A family of eight could have sat next to me. And I would have been thrilled to have neighbors. But not one person asked to sit next to me for that performance. Curse you, Popcorn Pete!

[waves fist angrily]

So…yeah. I don’t recommend the show or the seat. Or sitting next to that guy.

After dinner, it is time for High C’s at Dazzles. I get to Dazzles super early, cuz you have to. Dazzles isn’t the most audience-friendly space. Seating is weird and limited, so you have to get there in plenty of time if there is an event you want to see. I get a seat right next to the stage. The band is SO much better tonight. This kind of music is more their element than the previous night at Central Park. WOW do they rock it with Stevie Wonder, Earth, Wind, and Fire, Tower of Power, and Average White Band. Totally outdo themselves. This becomes my favorite live musical performance of the entire trip.

Love love love!

After the show, I walk upstairs to the Boardwalk and wander around. Loving life, feeling good. The Aqua Theatre has a water show going on. I’m pretty sure it was mentioned on the Cruise Compass, but I am not aware of it. So I consider it an impromptu surprise on the amazing vessel that is known as The Beast.

But what IS on the Compass that I notice is a musical performance from the singers of Mama Mia at Jazz on 4. No jazz tonight. But the event is not disappointing. Some of them were phenomenal singers. My favorite performance is when Sophie and two male singers perform a trio of Disney songs. Really, really good stuff.

WOW do I love this ship.

Coming up: DAY 5, part 1: BETTER THAN JESUS ON A CRACKER

You're welcome. That someone who commented and thereby bumped up the unfinished review was me, not that anyone is giving me any credit, which is fine, because I don't need it and this is not about me anyway(mmm-hmm, sure it's not, but you celebs are nothing without your fans, so remember that) (impatiently drumming fingers for, like, months, waiting. . . what is this, HBO?).

 

And maybe Hucifer was going to miraculously bump herself anyway later that same day and it were merely a co-inky-dink that I threw my worthless 2 cents into the mix out of nothing but sheer, fed-up exasperation.

 

You see Hucifer is a fellow fan of legendary reviewer Harry Fat where she has foolishly used her other name, perhaps another nom de plume or perhaps something from real life perhaps, and she learned well from Legen Dary Harry. Furthermore said author is doing a bang-up job on her review here, (or was, anyway, until the extended absence which may have been excused per grade school rules but was no more enjoyable to any of us than if it were flat out truancy).

 

Yes I do feel better.

Kmom, you're right that you have been faithfully bumping my thread for months and that I did not acknowledge it. I am sorry for that. I felt overwhelmed by the number of posters that kept waiting for my return, and I didn't know where or how to start, which is why I didn't say anything.

Your last bump happened, coincidentally, when I was ready to return. I had just ended a relationship that ate up all of my free time, so now I am ready to finish this bad boy. And thank people like you for never giving up on me. So...thank you, Kmom.

Humbly, Wendy

I'm treating it like a scenic beach day. I would like to explore as much as I can, but it's not the main reason we're going on this cruise.

So you got into a relationship more important than us? But that is over and we are still with you.;)

 

Reading this from Freedom right now. We were in fake Haiti yesterday. I like visiting other people's home and culture. Labadee is neither. I have never liked the place but it is a good trade off for an extra day eight night cruise.

 

Good to see you back.

Thanks Ocean Boy (who, one day, hopes to be Ocean Man). It was stupid and wrong, but yes, I put some dude ahead of all of you faithful readers. Whatever my punishment is, I hope it involves half-naked men. Please please please please

Enjoy the Freedom! I am more partial to the Independence, myself, having been on both. She holds a special place in my heart.

Hi. Glad you have returned. I missed your wit.

 

I'm going to fake Haiti in January.

I don't know whether to applaud or apologize. I was not a fan of Labadee. Also...thank you. ;)

OK, reading this review has been like reading a good novel... I've laughed, I've cried (from laughter) and I've waited in anticipation & suspense for what will come next on the adventures of Hucifer. Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I read middle school essays all day, and it's such a pleasure at the end of the day to read something so fun. I'm taking my first solo trip in June of 2019, and I love hearing from people who've already solo'd.

Well, my sophomore-ish humor should be quite relatable then to your middle schoolers. Congrats on your first solo trip! You are going to love it, whether you are introvert or extrovert. So many solo cruisers on this thread! How awesome is that?

Glad you're enjoying the review. :)

I’m so enjoying your review! I’m doing my first solo cruise on Allure next month ❤️

You're going to love it! There is no shortage of things to do or people to talk to. Or whatever your desire is. She is a WONDER.

Everything is ok in the world hucifer is back and well. Really missed your skill of writing.

Aww, that made me feel good. Thank you. :)

So glad that I only found your review yesterday when someone commented and BEFORE I knew that you were MIA and were going to leave me hanging.

 

And lucky for me by the time I caught up you made your miraculous reappearance to the thread!

 

Guess it was my lucky day. I’ve already sent a link to your review to my cruising buddy. My husband kept asking why I was smiling and laughing out loud at times when I was reading last night.

 

Carry on... can’t wait for the next installment.

You totally ninja-posted on me.

Yep, your timing was impeccable to join the thread. I am glad that you're enjoying it (and sharing it!). That's funny about your husband asking what you were laughing at. Last night my son was asking me what I kept laughing about, and I said, "Responses to my thread."

DAY 4: POPCORN PETE TESTS MY PATIENCE

“It could be worse...it could be raining.”

--Marty Feldman

In the morning, I crawl out of my dark cabin, navigate the maze of hallways back to civilization, and walk up a flight of stairs to the Boardwalk to enjoy the day and sniff the sea air and…aw crap. It’s raining.

So it’s true. It actually CAN rain on a cruise ship. What used to be considered a myth that only existed in fairy tales and folklore, actually is happening. I can rub my eyes and squint as much as I want, but that rain isn’t a figment of my questionable imagination. It doesn’t dampen my spirits, but it makes my favorite places to hang out less desirable. And since I have an interior2 cabin (patooey!), there aren’t a lot of choices. Royal Promenade or…yeah. That’s pretty much it.

Today is Jamaica Day. I’m excited because it’s another beach excursion. I’m not excited because the weather isn’t cooperating. I walk through the sterilized port area of Falmouth to the check-in area. The area is clean and pretty but definitely not authentic Jamaica by any means. So kind of a fake Jamaica. Not totally unlike the Fake Haiti I saw yesterday. The Disney Fantasy is parked at Falmouth too. Yes, I said parked. For as much as I love Disney, one day I am going to take one of their cruises. For three times the cost. When I am rich. Or finally get myself a Sugar Daddy.

A bus takes us to the Blue Waters Beach Club. This is an all-inclusive excursion through Royal. I thought $60 was a value, considering that it is ALL YOU CAN DRINK, plus includes lunch. Also, you can drink. As much as you want. Not sure if you knew that. An umbrella costs an additional $10, so I guess it really cost me $70, but is a bargain on a rainy day like today. I park myself on the sand, umbrella protecting my head, open my Kindle, and listen to the waves. This is all I really needed. The sun would be a bonus, but isn’t necessary. A young couple choose chairs near me, but the lounge chair right next to me (and therefore right under the umbrella) is empty. I say, “I will share my umbrella for the low low cost of $5.” Okay, not really. I say, “I am so desperate for human interaction that I am willing to share my umbrella for free.” Or something like that. Anyway, it works. They move down. After the “You’re vacationing ALONE?” round of questions.

The couple are very pleasant to talk with. Young things. We chat almost the whole time that we were on the beach. Later on, a busy mom of a toddler stops to chat with me about crunchy mom things (nursing, baby wearing, etc), and it really feels like a day ripe with socialization. The extrovert side of me is quite content after a few days of much alone time.

But let me take a second to talk about my favorite part of this excursion. The drinks. I start with the Pain Killer, and I like it, but the couple next to me have these wacky blue drinks. “What is THAT?” I ask. They tell me that it is called Ocean Blue and that it is good. Well, they were wrong. It is AWESOME. I order a few of them and started to feel the effects of the alcohol. Then I begin to wonder how blue the vomit will be at 3am.

My red hot feet and a Jamaican beach

The rain lets up a few hours later. Lunch is served buffet-style and it is very good. There are a few choices of meat to choose from, or take all three if you want, and several sides. The meal is better than the stuff I had the day before at Labadee. I take my plate to the sitting area and ask to sit next to two women.

After the initial pleasantries and the round of “you’re vacationing by yourself?” questions, I ask the ladies if they are sisters or friends. The older woman smiles and says, “Mother and daughter.” The daughter does NOT smile and asks if she should be offended.

[shovels food in mouth]

Maybe I should go for broke and ask, “How far along are you in your pregnancy” while I’m at it.

After lunch I crawl back to my lounge chair and continue to enjoy the cloudy afternoon, throwing the delicious blue drink into my mouth. I can’t offend anyone else if there’s liquid in it.

Ocean Blue, baby!

The bus takes us back to Falmouth and I walk past all the vendors and to the ship. I must be some freak of nature, but I am a woman who does not like to shop. I could go down the “I am too cheap” route, but honestly, shopping is not in my blood. So vendors…stop wasting your breath and trying to entice me into your damn store. Because girlfriend ain’t buying. For my fellow non-shoppers, here’s a free tip: saying “I’ll be right back, I have to poop!” stops the pesky salesman from bothering you. Holding your rear is optional. It’s brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! But by the time you work your way down through 72 vendors, the whole port knows your bathroom habits. So there’s a tradeoff.

Coming up: Day 4, part 2

So I am finally reading all the posts you guys have...uh, posted...since I left you all hanging. Man, I feel horrible when I read most of them, but a few really make me giggle:

Hucifer! You're killing us here. This is like waiting for the next season of a great TV show, but having no idea when the season starts... :loudcry:

 

Edit to add: My sincere apologies to everyone who saw the thread had a new post and thought Hucifer might have posted again. And then was devastated to find it was only me!

Well, *I* wasn't devastated to see your post. You know, when I saw it. Just now. In May.

Maybe Hucifer is really a clever Royal Caribbean marketing exec that was trying to get more solo passengers and passengers to book lower level inside cabins on Allure. Since we all now want to go on cruises alone and stay inside the "belly of the beast". Hucifers work here is finished.

I will neither confirm nor deny that rumor. Although, I'm not exactly SELLING interior cabins or the effort it takes to find them.

Glad you’re back, hucifer, you were missed :)

Thank you very much! It's good to be back.

I'm so glad you're back. I love your posts!!

I'm happy to hear that. If I can entertain just one person with my posts then...well, I missed my goal.

I plan to post more either tonight or tomorrow. :)

Loving your trip report so far! I have been on 6 solo cruises thus far, with my very first being on the Allure (while in my mid-20’s). I learned a very important lesson after I requested a large table and was seated at a table for 4 with a group of 3 Norwegian friends who hardly spoke any English and didn’t show up after the first night (and subsequently stayed at the table feeling sorry for myself and thinking the wait staff would notice me and move me...)...

 

If you want to dine at a table with 10 awesome people (as I do), get on your CC Roll Call and coordinate said table amongst your fellow roll call members. I have done this twice now and those tables have been THE best ones I’ve ever had. The first, we had 2 10-tops with ALL solo travelers. The second, we had a group of 9 including 3 couples and 3 solos. Both really made the cruises that much more enjoyable. Having said that, both were transatlantics which typically draw more hard-core cruises and a larger roll call group (think hundreds at the meet and mingle...). Seriously - try it next time! [emoji3] All it takes is rounding up those interested in joining, perhaps stalking them online to ensure they meet your “cool criteria”, exchanging reservation numbers, and each person calling royal

Caribbean to have the reservations linked. I’d also suggest emailing the dining reservation email to ensure all is linked and request a specific location if you prefer a window, railing, etc.

That is a GREAT idea, thank you so much!

I am sorry about your dining experience...it seems that it is getting more and more difficult to dine with interesting and engaging strangers.

Our encounter with her was brief, but passionate. She is now only a fond memory and the cause of that smile on our face that our spouse questions.

This post in particular made me LOL.

No. 1 I love you

No. 2 MacDonald wrecked the Doobie Bros.

No. 3 I would offer to join your next cruise and be weird together but nowadays that would get me fired from any job I don't have or even from retirement. ahhh well.

 

Great job sweetie.

[pulls chair up to JohnGaltny]

Between your screen name and your post, you got my attention. But I beg to differ that McDonald wrecked the Doobie Brothers!

Of course, by now, I probably lost about 79% of my audience and there is a 0.02% chance you will even see this reply.

Another happy person here. Glad you're back as I so enjoyed your posts. Most importantly though, is that you are okay.

I am really, really sorry that I made so many of you worry about me. :(

DAY 3 cont (after five months!)

[before I continue, I have to say that you people are awesome. Thank you for your patience and persistence. Y'all have humbled me. Okay, onward...]

[somewhere in fake Haiti...]

I dip my toes in the water for a moment, but I don’t swim. All I want to do, really, is go back on The Beast. I miss her. I am feeling no love for Labadee and all her sanitized fakeness and insane parade music. Instead of hanging around until 4, I pack up and leave around 2:30.

Here are my notes from dinner for tonight: “Dinner was good.” Descriptive sure, although not quite the level of detail like 150 Central Park. I do remember that the young couple who pretended that they didn’t see us aren’t there (so no pretending necessary), but two new couples show up. They seem nice enough, but these couples only talk to each other, and they only talk about their pets the whole time, exchanging pictures and stories about dogs and pretty much ignoring Tom and I throughout the meal. It felt like a strange canine clique, and either you are one of them…or you’re not. Thank God I have Tom to talk to.

After dinner, Tom and I hang out. We play a little trivia, then watch one of my favorites cruise shows: Love and Marriage. I think this is the first time that I’ve seen the middle couple win instead of the older couple. It’s all very entertaining. After the show, Tom and I part ways.

Now here is something I find fascinating. It’s how much people eat. So I usually use the Promenade to walk from aft to forward all hours of the day. And there are always people eating here. Always. It will be right after dinner and I’ll be limping from eating so much, and I’ll see people eating a slice of pizza. Or right after lunch and people are eating a sandwich. Granted, the pizza might be their dinner and the sandwich might be their lunch. I cannot project my own schedule and eating habits on everyone else, but it still amazes me.

The highlight of the evening is the brass quintet called High C’s playing music in Central Park. For me, THIS is what The Beast is all about. This is why I booked her. I cannot get this music with this ambience anywhere else. At least, I don’t think so. I haven’t on any other ship. And this is one of those night when I absolutely fall in love with her more, if that is even possible. After the show, like the groupie that I feel like, I walk up to the band leader dude with the cute glasses and the wedding band and tell him how much I enjoyed the performance. He thanks me and says, “Then you don’t want to miss us tomorrow night. We will be at Dazzles and playing 70s funk.”

70s funk? With a brass band?

[Kermit flail]

YAAAAAAAAAY!

I am all over this like a Kardashian to body enlargement surgery. After I breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes, I collect myself and thank the band leader dude with the cute glasses and wedding band for telling me. Then I wander back to…where else? Jazz on 4. I simply cannot get enough of live music. The band is starting to recognize me. I’m waiting for that acknowledging head nod, like Yeah…there’s that hot single chick that enjoys our music so much. This next one’s for you, sexy lady.

Coming up: DAY 4: POPCORN PETE TESTS MY PATIENCE

If I still have any readers left, my sincerest apologies. Life with my son got crazy busy in December. Then around the holidays I met someone and all of my free time went to him. But I have since ended that relationship and now I'm ready to FINISH THIS THING.

One thing that became overwhelming was the time it took to reply to every poster. I hate to have someone get ignored whenever they say something witty or complimentary, so replying to each person became quite time-consuming. If I don't reply to everyone, then I am more willing to keep on top of this.

The entire report is written, it's just a matter of dedicating my personal time to post. Which I promise to do!

For those that stuck around all these months, thank you. And...I'm sorry.

Glad you’re back! Really enjoying your review.

Thank you! I missed you guys so much.

[sniff]

Throw off that groove and toss 'er in the sea,

We'll dance the tango if you teach it to me.

Your humor and wit has me is stiches,

just this side of pissing my britches!

You suffer from incontinence, too?

I am loving your review! My husband wanted to know why I was laughing, "Beach Parade" I gasped out

You had to be giggling while you were writing that.

Thank you for the most enjoyable review I've read. Looking forward to the next installment

OMG, thank you! But there are better trip reports here...you just haven't found them yet.

So...you have been a victim of the "beach parade" too? Ugh. That was awful.

DAY 3: LABADEE THROWS OFF MY GROOVE

“Go, and never darken my towels again.”

-- Groucho Marx

Before the cruise, folks would ask me where I was going. Conversations went something like this:

[them] “Going on a cruise? Where are you headed?”

[me] “Western Caribbean. Includes Cozumel, Jamaica, and Haiti.”

[them, making a funny look] “HAITI?”

[me] “Yeah, no. Not the real Haiti. It’s a sequestered area of that is protected with Jurassic Parklike electric fences so those annoying locals won’t bother us sunbathers. So it’s Haiti, but pretend and like, all safe and stuff.”

Today is Labadee Day. In other words, Fake Haiti. No excursion booked, just going to park myself on the sand and enjoy the free-ness of all that is a private Royal Caribbean stop.

I have only been on one other cruise line and that was Norwegian. Now, it has been my experience that private islands kinda suck, at least with these two cruise lines. The Norwegian one had sand fleas, and I still have scars from the bites. That was the year 2000.

Labadee, the deceptive first look

So my expectations were low for Labadee. And thank goodness they were, because I am not impressed. Maybe I would have been if the beach wasn’t packed with side-by-side lounge chairs. I walk all the way to Columbus Cove just to discover that even the furthest beach is swarming with people. Some friendly guy fetches me a lounge chair, but after he leaves I notice that a few of the straps of the chair are broken and when I sit up, they make the back side flip forward and hit me on the head. I tipped a guy for this abuse.

Because nothing screams authenticity like DreamWorks characters on a Caribbean island.

And don’t even get me started with that “parade” that went through the area. Too late, I got started. I hear them long before they got to my chair. At first you think, “What is that lovely music?” But that is the last time you think those words. It doesn’t take long to realize that they are playing the same ten notes over and over. And then you see this “parade” is slowly inching their way toward you. And they don’t know any other notes. Holycrap balls, make it stop. And – for the love of all things holy – they finally walk their way to my area and stop DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY LOUNGE CHAIR. And they continue to play those same ten notes. It is like getting stuck on It’s A Small World, except the dolls are actually in your boat and singing AT VOLUME ELEVEN. I pray they move along before I snap. I am very close to flinging my lounge chair at them.

Because nothing screams Caribbean like a guy on stilts.

Mercifully, sanctuary comes in the form of coconut. Remember my “coconut prostitute” admission early on?

[crickets]

Okay people. I know there must be SOMEONE who is still reading. No? I lost everyone? Writing for my own amusement? Anyway, so I says to myself…I says, “Hey Hucifer. What happened this particular morning that involves coconuts?” “WELL,” I says back. “I am so glad you asked. Earlier this morning I see this in the Cruise Compass…”

[record scratch]

Ooh. Mama like.

So I am trying to tune out the Fake Haiti parade and keep an eye out for these coconut-bearing people. Sure enough, the Coconut Cart comes by after the parade mercifully wanders away. They are calling out, “Fresh coconut drink!” And I sit up, get thwacked in the head by my broken lounge chair, and scream out to my new besties to stop, for the love of God. The Coconut Cart screams to a stop in front of me and the Coconut Cart Crew jump out and ask if I want it with or without alcohol. Pfffffft. Stop asking stupid questions and be generous with that rum, mister! I need to forget that damn parade music that is swirling around in my head.

Mmm...coconut and rum...and a single flip flop.

How much OBC do I have left? Let’s see. $35 minus $10.95 for a coconut drink…minus the extra $10 tip from last night equals…uhhh. Something less than $35. Math is hard. And that OBC is going quickly.

Lunch is decent but forgettable. I have a burger and some sides. This is one of those times when being solo kinda sucks. Do I risk theft and leave my stuff behind, or do I gather my belongings and have to juggle my things and the food at the same time? I compromise and grab two things: my phone and Sea Pass card. I don’t trust the guy on stilts. I’m sure he was eyeing my broken lounge chair and its contents from way up there.

The heat is sweltering. That’s saying something, coming from me. I love heat. I have been in Florida in July and August and felt at home. In fact, I feel most comfortable in 88-degree weather. Humidity or dry heat, I don’t care. This is when people wonder how since I was born and raised in Michigan. And here is my answer: I don’t know. But I am miserable in the cold, so it is safe to say that I am miserable in Michigan six months of the year.

However, today is so hot (how hot is it?), that it feels oppressive. I am not doing my usual feminine glistening, I am downright wet with sweat. I don’t understand my sudden intolerance for the heat, but maybe it has to do with the whole Fake Haiti atmosphere and the repetitive five notes swirling around my brain.

Day 3 TO BE CONTINUED since I cannot post more than six photos at a time...

Cheers hucifer, you are one funny and entertaining lady,

 

can't wait for the next installment of this brilliant review.

Thank you so much, top golfer! It's coming soon...

I read all twelve pages of this at one sitting. Not only do I enjoy your wit and writing style, but I am developing a new appreciation for the Beast-like ships. One RCCL stopped building Radiance class ships and moved on to the Explorer class (which are now cabin cruisers compared to the new ships), we/I moved on to Celebrity. After reading this I could get back onboard with Royal.

 

Another solo cruiser and Disney gal here. Off to The World for 5 nights next week for Christmas decorations viewing. Next solo cruise is in Feb. on Silhouette.

 

I found this thread today as I was researching something on C&A benefits. I am D+ (barely) as the DDH (dear deceased husband) and I cruised in Suites. Alas, the Suite Life is a life I no longer live, unless the SO (husbandlike person) or a female friend join me.

 

We have enough solo travelers here to get a group rate, if we find the right TA.

Hello, and welcome fellow solo cruiser and Disney gal! It's wonderful to know that there are so many of us out there...just wish we could actually plan to get on the same ship once in a while.

Glad you found my thread, and I welcome you if you decide to come back to Royal. I agree that I tend to like the smaller ships, but The Beast blew me away. Unexpectedly.

Love love love the idea of a bunch of us solos traveling together! I seriously would love to arrange this.

So the new star wars comes out in a couple weeks. What's the over under that this is going to be finished before then?

 

Only joking because this is a great review.

No, that was a valid slam. When my son joined basketball, my free time vanished. And then Christmas shopping/decorating/etc got in the way. But don't give up on me!

Enjoying your review very much. Are you coming back?

Yes! I'm here! I am so sorry! Want to post about Labadee soon!

crickets ..... crickets .....

 

Where’d she go? Having a life????

Something like that. The good news is, I am 95% done with my Christmas shopping. :)

I think she gave the combination to her soap safe. 99-44-100% pure Ivory soap. This lady does not swim in the shallow end of the pool.

WRONG. Although, I'll give you kudos for that answer. It is the combination to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Since it's the same number, I'll give you a pass.

Well why should she since Ivory soap floats... :D

Okay, that was pretty funny.

Thank you so much for this great review! I’m so glad I found it. I traveled on The Beast in March with my DH and three kids plus another family (my kids first cruise, my third). It was amazing. I agree with you that Central Park became my favorite place to hangout and I would have never thought so before getting on the ship. We never ate at any of the pay for placed because my thought was we paid for perfectly wonderful food already with the included places. My kids loved dinner every night at the dinning hall. We had two interior rooms to keep the price down. Nothing wrong with that!

 

While on the cruise, my husband won a free cruise playing in a poker tournament, we leave on Dec 10th, same ship, same ports. I was a little disappointed at first that it was the same ship, since we already saw all the shows, but this ship is so amazing, I’m exciting to hang out on her again. The best part of the free cruise, we get a balcony overlooking Cental park on floor 10! I’ve never had a balcony before and I’m super excited plus we get one free meal at a pay place, so after reading your review, I’m thinking Central 150 is the place to go.

 

It’s been very inspirational to read your perspective traveling solo. I will miss my kids and friends but I’m excited to get to do my own thing while my husband plays at the big poker tournament (included in the prize). I was hoping to meet some fun cool people at the dinner table, but have now lowered my expectations after reading your blog... Have a great Thanksgiving!

 

A Central Park balcony? Oh I am SO JEALOUS. And YES...150 Central Park is amazing. I hope you enjoy, and if you do eat there, come back here and post about it.

Enjoy your second trip on The Beast, and enjoy your specialty dinner, whatever that may be.

If you think for one minute that all of those words is going to throw me off to the fact that the combo you posted could not possibly be for a safe aboard Allure you are sadly mistaken. I was born at night but it wasn't last night.

 

And... I am in love with the Aqua Theater. It is the main reason I book Oasis class ships.

Correct, it is not the combination to the interior2 [patooey!] cabin.

The Aqua show, and all its beautiful patrons, was definitely a highlight for me. Incredible performance. Except for the clown guy in the beginning.

Ah.... i tried the combo. But my safe is still locked... perhaps it is a different one. Very much enjoying your review, it is quite entertaining. You are in the top 10 reviews I have ever read on this forum.

 

WOW. Thank you for that wonderful compliment. I am honored and humbled.

You didn't try it on the right safe!

Only Day 3!!! :o There's more???

 

You've already licked the aqua show performers, crushed the 80's song trivia contest, met two other male solo travelers in the MDR (but connected unsuccessfully, although apparently through no fault of your own), and nearly climaxed when tasting the duck confit in 150 CP. ;) I hope that you didn't order the black cod entrée on your second visit to 150 CP; if so, that post might require censorship. :D

 

Sounds like you're really in the groove so far, so I hope that Labadee wasn't a big disappointment.

 

Enjoying your commentary; a really fun read.

Lots more. Oh, I have a lot to say.

So the black cod is good? Oh, looks like another trip to 150 Central Park is in order. But I must say that I am not a fan of censoring myself.

Oh Lord, it was a very busy week! Between basketball games and Christmas shopping, I've had hardly any time for myself.

So that’s what the short rib looks like. Yorkvillain was to share one with my wife but she looked the other when when it arrived and when she looked back it was gone. He must be some sort of Magician or Illusionist.

 

As for the Oasis Class, we are total beast class cruisers.

That is a good trick. Perhaps it reappeared in a different form two days later?

Yes, I learned to love The Beast in all her beastie goodness.

No.. but .. lol.. She was just right there as I was typing that line out...

Okay...whew! Keep it PG, JJSMaine. I WILL NOT TOLERATE sexual innuendos on my thread. Wait. No. Yes I will.

Good stuff hucifer!

Thank you, Rmf!

Look at those appetizer choices!

So dinner. I am way more excited about the appetizer menu than the entrees. In fact, there are about four or five appetizers that I want to shove down my gullet. Vlad recommended the butternut squash soup and the lobster gnocci, but I only take half of his appetizer suggestion and order the duck confit and lobster gnocci. I order the short ribs for dinner because it came highly recommended by a crewmember.

Now let me tell you what 150 Central Park is all about before I describe the culinary experience. They boast that they are a farm-to-table restaurant. This is their biggest selling feature to me. The meat and produce come from local organic Floridian farms. Not hating it.

But let’s get to business. The duck confit.

This beautiful dish is set is front of me. As much as I want to dive into that duck, Vlad instructs me on HOW to eat it. “Now, you want the duck, raisins, and lettuce in each bite. You will find a balance of sweet and savory, smooth and crunchy, and that these tastes and textures will complement each other.” I thank him and patiently wait for him to walk away. Then I stab the duck, lettuce, and raisins (per his instructions) with my fork and eat it.

Not to state the obvious, but Vlad was right. I wouldn’t have eaten the duck that way had he not recommended it. I probably wouldn’t have eaten the raisins and lettuce at all. But WOW the flavors really complement each other. Incredible dish. I have to stop myself from licking the plate because this is a classy joint and I have to show a little restraint.

I still dream about this duck.

Vlad brings the lobster gnocchi and asks how the duck was. I think my clean plate is answer enough, but I thank him for sharing his eating instructions. He doesn’t instruct me on how to eat the gnocci, so after he walks away, I put my face in the bowl. The lobster gnocchi is excellent. It’s no duck confit, but it is definitely a good choice for an appetizer. As an Italian, homemade gnocchi is part of my regular diet. But the lobster and sauce set this apart for sure. The best gnocchi I’ve ever had was at a Michael Symon’s restaurant back home in Detroit called Roast. Outstanding restaurant, known for its meat dishes. Ironically enough, back then I was vegetarian. But it was Restaurant Week and their vegetarian offerings sounded good. I wasn’t disappointed. By FAR…the best damn gnocchi I have ever had. It wasn’t in a sauce, but was sautéed in a light wine reduction. Unfortunately, it isn’t a menu staple and I was never to have this dish again.

Still, the lobster gnocchi does NOT disappoint. Vlad takes away another clean plate and I smile up at him with sauce dripping from my lips and chin.

Lobster gnocci, before I put my face in the bowl

So, the short ribs. The meat is very good, but this is not my favorite cut of beef. No doubt the best short ribs I’ve ever had, so if this is your thing, order it. But I probably would have been happier with a different entree. Unfortunately, my meal started on a high note and went down from there. Wish I had worked backwards. Not to say that everything I had wasn’t excellent! It just didn’t live up to the same standards as that duck confit.

Short ribs with a smear of...uhh...squash? And some broccoli. And unsalted butter.

Vlad comes to chat about dessert. “I recommend two of the four desserts,” he says. I ask if the mango tres leches cake is one of them. “No,” he says. “I do not recommend that one. Try either the bitter chocolate tart or…” After “chocolate” I don’t hear anything else. I interrupt him and announce that the tart will do.

Vlad brings out the tart and he recommends to take tart, caramel, and the raisin stuff all in each bite. I no longer question this man. He has shown me the gift of obedience and, like Ella Enchanted, I eat the dessert exactly as instructed. The dessert is heavenly, and I am pleased that the meal has ended with something this amazing.

Bitter chocolate goodness right here.

Vlad comes over to bring the bill and show me that it was free. I tell him that this meal has been incredible and that I am coming back on the last day of the cruise. I ask if I can have him as a waiter again. He said, “Only if you can remember my name.” No, he didn’t say that. But he did say, “I will not only make sure that you are seated in my section, but what we do for our returning customers is offer them a special aged rib eye that is not on the menu.” I tell him that sounds wonderful and that I look forward to the second meal.

150 Central Park DEFINITELY gets my recommendation. Is it better than sex? PLEASE, people. Nothing is better than sex. But it’s been two months and I still think about this incredible meal. I enjoyed the entire experience, not just the food. Vlad made this meal so much better than I could have had without him. And I am grateful that I get to experience it all again. Free. I enjoyed this meal so much more than Chops.

After dinner, I roll myself back out to Central Park and quietly listen to the fake crickets before heading to the Acapulco Lounge for a little 80s music trivia before the Aqua Show, sucking in my full gut as much as possible. I team up with a husband and wife and their son and daughter-in-law, all of whom are going to the Aqua Show immediately after trivia as well. And of course, this is one of those days when the host is late because we all have plans. ButI know I’m going to rock this category.

So the hostess runs in, apologizes for being late, then starts up the music. She is throwing softballs at us, people. And I am knocking them out of the ballpark. 80s music is kinda my thing. And I can almost smell those zipper pull prizes in my hands. But the problem is, time is ticking away and before all of the answers were revealed, we had to give up and leave. While rocking 100% correct answers, by the way. That team would have been so lost without my 80s expertise.

So I join my new friends and scurry down to the Aqua Theater for the show. Then we part ways and look for seats.

Waiting for the show, I elbow the woman next to me and point out that the water in the pool is sloshing back and forth as the massive ship was moving. “Don’t tell me that!” she says. “The ship is moving enough as it is.” And then gives me a barfy look. I apologize and tell her that I was totally kidding. Then I silently wish her non-barf vibes.

Some goofy guy warms up the audience before the show. He is wet and is doing his best to get as many people wet as possible by flailing his arms around. I am dressed for dinner, not the pool, so I am not excited about potentially getting wet in my dry-clean-only dress.

Here again is where Oasis-class ships blow the other ships away. The damn aqua show. This, my friends, is why you book The Beast. Truly talented artists diving on a rocking, traveling ship and landing in a tiny excuse for a pool. Like Bugs Bunny high-diving into a glass of water. But without a gun-slinging prospector threatening them to do it. They do it for our amusement alone. And that is pretty awesome.

Mmm...I love me some mostly-naked crewmembers

After the show, I am interested in the Finish That Lyric game show at Dazzles. Not to participate, mind you. Just to be entertained some more. The staff chooses ten volunteers to come up to the stage. Then the staff would select a participant and play music that was clearly not a genre they would know. Like playing a Megadeth song for a 70yo woman, or Glenn Miller fo ra 22yo female. As people were eliminated, the last person standing was the winner. I suppose zipper pulls was the prize, but I don’t remember.

After the game show, there is only one thing I want to do before bed: more jazz. So it’s back to Jazz on 4 to end my evening with a little Brasil ’17 Jazz Quartet.

UP NEXT:

DAY 3: LABADEE THROWS OFF MY GROOVE

DAY 2, part 2: THE CLOSEST I COME TO HAVING SEX

“I see some of you are drinking. That’s not the answer; eating is.”

-- Jim Gaffigan

My son is ten, as I have mentioned. He’s not a huge movie lover like me, but he does enjoy them at times. So when he asked to see Trolls, it got my attention. And my disappointment. Because the trailer looked horrific. But, being the good mom that I am, took my beloved son to see it. Considering that my expectations were frightfully low, I actually liked Trolls. No. I LOVED Trolls. Lots of humor in there to keep me engaged, and the story was very sweet. Plus…Justin Timberlake, people. JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. Mrowr.

So when I read the Cruise Compass for today and see a meet and greet with Poppy and Branch at 4pm, I jump off my highchair and do the Elaine dance. I’ll bet the Windjammer diners didn’t expect a show with their lunch. Like an impromptu solo flash mob. Speaking of flash mobs…The Beast had flash mob lessons all week. And I was fortunate? to walk past the execution of it on the last sea day on the Royal Promenade. It was seriously the saddest flash mob ever. Looked more like an improvisational water aerobics class, except with clothes and no water. Like a little girl wearing her mother’s heels for the first time and trying to do the Tango. Like that awkward. God bless their hearts.

I waited in line with scores of children for this pic.

Remember the whole two free specialty dining meals? No? You only click on this thread for Allure pictures? So I can say anything I want and you won’t know that I will reveal the combination of my safe? Well, for the three of you that are actually still reading this, I decided on 150 Central Park. And the combination is 99-44-100. Out of all the restaurants that Allure has to offer, this one seemed to have the most positive reviews. I have eaten at Chops on the Independence and thought it was excellent. But I was up for something different this trip.

I want Gerry and Xin to know that I will not be dining at their table tonight, so at 5:30 I walk into the dining room. I see a new guy there, sitting alone. I introduce myself and ask him if he’s solo. He tells me his name is Brian or Dennis or something and says yes, he is solo too. I tell him that I usually dine at that table, but tonight I have reservations at a fancy-pants restaurant, and will I see him for the rest of the cruise? Brian/Dennis says yes, he will. But he lied. I never saw him again.

Men. [eyeroll]

I made reservations for 6pm. But, as usual, I am early for my reservation and decide to wait it out in Central Park for awhile. This is seriously a lovely space, and I have to applaud the folks who developed the concept. I am not one to jump on the newest or biggest cruise ship because I think some extras are just gimmicks to get people to stay on them. And after learning about the Oasis class-ships, I thought, “No way would I ever go on a ship like that. It’s size and amenities do not impress me.” Including Boardwalk and Central Park. But, admittedly, I have to eat a little crow here, folks. The size and amenities of the Oasis-class ships DO work, and they work well. I spent the whole week in awe of this Beast. She is a wonder, the Allure. And a glorious one at that.

This lovely scene is on a CRUISE SHIP, people. Love!

See that umbrella stand? I'll bet you Harry took a photo of it.

About 5:52 I decide that I have waited long enough, and walk into 150 Central Park. The hostess is aware of my double-free dining, so that relieves any worries I had about getting charged. She sits me at a table for two that has outrageously high-backed chairs. Like these chairs are equippedwith their own sound system. My waiter comes quickly to introduce himself and I am kicking myself now because I cannot remember his name for the life of me. So let’s call him Vlad. Vlad is everything I would expect in a fine-dining waiter. Extremely attentive and educated with the menu. Superb recommendations. He brings me bread and unsalted butter, neither of which I would have touched if it hadn’t been for this:

Count them. Six different salts. Who knew there were so many? Yeah, yeah. You can all put your hands down. Obviously I didn’t. Until this moment I have heard of exactly one kind: salt.

Vlad describes each salt in excruciating detail, to the point where I just want him to leave so that I can butter my bread and start sprinkling these wacky salts all over it. My favorites were the grayish one and the blackish one. I forget why. But don’t be like me and sprinkle too much on because you have to remember that those are salts and that too much will make the butter, well, salty.

To be continued...