hucifer

I am looking at late next year or after we have a big land vacation planned this year. It would just be myself and the boy, the mister is not going to get on a boat (and I am thankful for that lol).

Enjoy all of your vacations!

I could not IMAGINE not getting on a ship.

Glad you didn't.

Thanks! Me too.

The CC boards are a bit more conservative than I am used to, which is why I hesitated to begin with.

Oh My Gosh! You sound just like me!

 

My son really didn’t get embarrassed about my antics until he was in high school. He is 16, and now gets embarrassed when mom starts be-bopping to a song I like! You would think he would be used to it by now, I have been doing it all of his life! Haha!

 

We just went on a cruise on Harmony a couple of weeks ago. As we were getting onto one of our flights I was be-bopping and one of the flight attendants smiled and said she liked my style. I mentioned something about embarrassing my son and she just laughed, but the other fight attendant gave me a look and said something about how we shouldn’t embarrass our children. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I just laughed at her. She probably spit in my drink later. LOL!

 

Loved your review! So entertaining! Loved your writing style! Thanks for all of your hard work!

 

BTW, just found this review a couple of days ago, so I didn’t have to wait for you to finish!

 

We just tried 150 CP for the first time on our Harmony cruise, loved it!! And we have been on Allure 3 times in the past. We have always loved Giovanni’s, so have always stuck with that.

That stuffy flight attendant clearly has all the wrong priorities. Embarrassing our children is our God-given right.

Thank you for the kind compliments; glad you enjoyed it and glad you didn't have to wait for me to finish. :)

Ahh...I love 150 CP!

I speak fluent sarcasm.

That's why we understand each other so well.

Thank you and enjoy the cruise in August. Hope you continue writing!

That is a wonderful compliment, thank you. I hope I continue to have the passion to do so.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for such an entertaining review :D

Aww, you're welcome. :)

It was meant to entertain, so I'm glad I did my job.

Lord, I write so sarcastically that I was afraid of offending people. I wasn't sure if I should tone it down or not. Then I said, screw it. Write how you write and let people accept it or reject it, but at least give them a warning. That's why I had the "disclaimer" in the beginning. So when people started to react favorably, I knew I had made the right decision.

If the Customs agent was planning to do a cavity search, perhaps you should have gone to the dentist before your cruise....

NOW you tell me?

hucifer,

 

all kidding aside, this was a great read. Thanks.

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I enjoyed writing it.

Thank you, Hucifer, for the time you have put into this review (Eventually. Not that I am complaining, just sayin' . . .), I have enjoyed it enormously. I hope you have a great cruise with your son but you had better take your laptop this time as your fans will be waiting for the review :evilsmile:

 

As an aside, I travel with OH but we both need to spend time with others too. Cruising is, usually, great for this, we would be very sad if that were to change :(

The pleasure was mostly mine. I had so much fun writing it. What was strange to me was how strong of an urge it was to write about my cruise when I got home. Like I had said earlier, I love to write, and I love cruising, and the passion for both fueled the desire to document it all. But having people like you as an audience was the icing on the cake.

You may have convinced me to take my laptop on the cruise. I am seriously considering it now, as it would definitely give me a head start on the report.

Cruising is a nice way to travel together and apart at the same time. Back when we were married, me and the ex spent a lot of the day apart, him in the casino and me reading in the Schooner Bar.

Loved your review. Thank you! In two weeks my 13 year old and I will board the Allure and I can’t wait!

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. Is it just the two of you?

Raise your hand if you also checked for replies everyday for 2 months and then finally lost hope. I am so happy that you came back and finished the review.

I am glad you readers came back too! Wouldn't have been near as fun without you guys.

I really enjoyed your review. I can’t wait to hear about your adventures with your kiddo, it will give me some ideas for when I take mine.

Thank you for reading it. I plan to write, but it will take time to collect my thoughts and start preparing a report once it's over. When do you take your kid(s)?

Hucifer, that was amazing, I am so happy that you finished your review! Loved reading every bit of it, I hope you and your son have a blast on Oasis!

Thank you very much, accio! I love to hear that people enjoyed something that I loved writing. Patrick and I are very excited about our trip and talk about it all the time.

DAY 8: How Richard earned his name

“No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.”

– Elbert Hubbard

It’s disembarkation day and I now possess the thighs of steel (TOS) that I talked about in the beginning. I bragged all week to total strangers about not taking an elevator. Like they cared. There was one day near the end of the trip when I was walking down and a crewmember was a flight up, but walking down at a faster rate than me. When he caught up he said, “Race you!”

Oh, it was ON. Throwing safety to the wind, I ran down as fast as I could – praying my shoes wouldn’t trip me down – and skipped the last several steps of each flight by jumping onto the landing. The officer tried to keep up, and was doing a decent job for the first several flights. But the poor fool had no idea who he was challenging. He clearly didn’t notice my TOS. He finally cried for mercy and stopped running. That was extremely satisfying. I may have laughed at his feeble attempt to beat me.

This day is so depressing. I drag myself to the Windjammer for my Groundhog Day breakfast. My personal coffee guy says good morning. I’m sure they don’t care about the folks coming and going each week, but I feel a personal sense of loss with this one. Never learned his name, and therefore don’t have to blame my poor memory on forgetting it, but wished I had gotten to know him a little better. I thought about engaging him during meals, but he always seemed so busy. It must be hard to see a whole new group of 6,000 people week after week.

I run into Julio for the last time. I tell him that I would like to take him back home so he can happily clean my condo every day too, if he’d like. He smiles and nods politely as if he didn’t speak a word of English. But I knew he understood and secretly wanted to.

I am one of the last to leave The Beast since my flight is like 4pm. I wait in the theatre, which was the last time I saw Robo, and text family and friends that I have safely arrived back at Fort Lauderdale. When my number was finally called, I pass Elian. I haven’t mentioned him before, but he is another member of the cruise director staff who is aesthetically pleasing. Jimmie sure knows how to keep the female passengers happy. Anyway, I have been giving Elian the eye this week as well, but the lack of interaction with him meant that he didn’t make it to my trip report. Until now. I’m pretty sure I told him he was hot too. I’m also pretty sure he is married and didn't care.

Okay, now this is when The Beast lives up to her name. If I thought getting ON the ship was bad…lord. That was nothing. I have never had to stand in line to disembark while still on the ship. We are literally stopped. With nothing to look at but lifeboats. When we eventually are corralled off…well…holy crap balls!

This line would be a whole lot more tolerable if Robo was with me.

I have never experienced such a cluster. Ever. According to the correspondence I had with friends and family, I was in that line for an hour. When the line finally snakes all the way to the customs area, we see why. There were like three guys taking passports, but two of them went on break. Now there is…ONE. Now, I may not be a constraint expert, but…I can clearly see where the bottleneck is. Just before I get to the one line, another line finally opens up. But I am eyeing the gorgeous man in uniform right in front of me. And MERCIFULLY I end up at his desk. I hand him my passport, flash my best smile, and wait. He literally glances at my passport and hands it back. “What?” I ask. “That’s it?” I want to follow it up with, “I don’t look suspicious? You don’t need to spend more time with me? Take me to one of those little rooms and cavity-search me?”

But he smiles back and tells me to have a nice day. DAMMIT.

But wait. I am not done with lines. Oh no, my friend. I have to wait in a very long line for the airport shuttle.

So I wait in that line. And the worst part about this is that I am the last one taken. I would have MUCH preferred to be passed over for the shuttle leaving now and be first for the next empty bus. Why? You ask. Or maybe you don’t ask. But I’ll tell you anyway. It’s because there is literally one empty seat left. Which is in the very back of the bus. There are three seats in the back row, but two very large people sitting in it. The man is so large (how large is he?) that he is sitting in two of the three seats. One of which was mine. I walk all the way down the bus and the man does his best to scoot over toward his girlfriend, but he is so large that he is quite literally on half of my seat. I cannot sit on half of a seat, so half of my rear end is on the edge of half of a seat. It was the longest ride to the airport. Ever. What made it even longer was that there was a train stopped on the train tracks on our road. It was just sitting there. On the tracks. In our way. And my half of a rear is on the edge of half of a seat. And my buttcheeks are screaming. And not because of keychains. I’m already crabby because:

• I’m going home
  
• No celebration or recognition for my newly acquired Emerald status
  
• Robo never acknowledged his number one fan
  
• I waited all morning in lines and I wasn’t properly searched by the hot customs guy
  
• Lobster bite night memories
  
• I’m going home
  

Our driver waits for the cars in front of it to turn around. Then he has to maneuver that huge bus into a U-turn on a two-lane road. Think Austin Powers in a golf cart in a tight hallway. We are NEVER getting to the airport, and my rear is going to go numb before we do.

When the bus makes its first stop at the airport and a few people leave, I jump out of my half of a seat and run to an empty whole one. The driver is terrible. I am fairly confident that my stop is the fourth one, but he barely acknowledges the airlines when he gets to the fourth stop. If I hadn’t seen him remove my luggage from the bus, I wouldn’t have known for sure. I’m normally a decent tipper, but I was so irritated about the entire bus experience that I didn’t give him anything. So let’s add THAT to my growing list of irritations.

Now I have all day at the airport. This would be a good time to pull out the laptop and start writing about the cruise. That is, if I knew I was writing, and if I brought my laptop. Very quiet day. The only real noteworthy thing about it is there was a creepy man at my gate who kept taking photos of women’s rear ends without their knowledge. Which made me wonder if my rear is on some creepy guy’s Instagram account.

When I got home, that’s when the urge to write hit me. It was so strong that it actually surprised me. Like…I totally need to document this. I didn’t have the desire after my previous solo cruise on the Independence. And that, surprisingly enough, was my best cruise ever. Five days on the Independence surpassed this one. Why? That question had been bothering me for awhile. But I think I understand why now.

I am mostly an extrovert. An extrovert who travels alone. That means I rely heavily on strangers to draw energy from. Not a problem on cruises. I have met so many wonderful people on cruises and have engaged in some very interesting conversations. The solo trip on the Independence was phenomenal because I found both her crew and her passengers to be above-average. No matter where I was on the ship or who was around, most folks were engaging and very willing to communicate. My extrovert side was satisfied beyond belief. Not so much on the Allure.

Maybe it’s because Allure attracts a different demographic, or maybe her layout is less conducive to fraternization, or maybe I somehow seemed less approachable. But it seemed as though families kept to themselves and didn’t seem interested in going outside of their social circle. I felt as though the Independence had more engaging people. Perhaps because there is less to do, less to focus on.

So faithful readers…still have burning questions? Yes I had an amazing time. Yes I have more solo travel in my future. Yes I still wish that Robo wanted to have my children. Yes, Richard ghosted me a few days after the cruise was over (some men are intimidated by a 47yo woman who looks 29). And yes, I really do plan on taking my 11yo son on the Oasis in August. If there was ever a cruise when I WON’T be getting any action, I can pretty much guarantee it will be that one. God bless my little blocker.

In the meanwhile…back to life, Robo-free (dammit). But enjoying my goofy boy and looking forward to how different the dynamics will be on the next cruise. Hoping I have something to write about. And that I don’t kill him before the cruise is over.

Me and the blocker

Presenting...the now-defunct Mean Streak from Cedar Point.

So thank you, folks. For sticking with me through months of absence, for enjoying my sarcasm, for putting up with all my jabs. For jabbing me back. You people humbled me. Made me laugh. Gave me a reason to keep posting. And I loved it.

Hope you enjoyed the chicken. Because I don’t think it was chicken.

[curtseys]

[drops mike]

:cool:

You know what they say - 'Dont come a knocking - ..."

But I say, "the more the merrier."

Reading this I am reminded of a great song by Joni Mitchell off the Blue album titled “The Last Time I Saw Richard”

Was it on a cruise ship? Cuz that would be pretty coincidental.

And Hucifer, you are too Funny...you go girl!

need to Sync cruises and join us - we rock the ship!

Thank you!

No doubt we would. I'm always up for a little ship rockin.

I think you need to be introduced to Sid whose doing a Live Solo from the Carnival Vista this week. The guy is quite entertaining but unfortunately nobody showed up for his Table for 8 on Formal Night. Oh I guess a "mixed relationship" would never work between a RCCL and Carnival cruisers-but both of you are REPRESENTING the single crowd well.

 

 

https://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=2638445

Thanks Stallion! I have been replying to his thread. My only complaint is his mystery face. I need a visual.

Empty dining tables is becoming more of an epidemic on ships. It's a bummer for extroverts like me.

We left behind our shared rolling duffle with clothes for the cruise including everything from swim suits to formal wear.

 

We brought my purse with usual purse things and my husband's dress shoes and one medium sized backpack with a (miraculously previously packed) pair of pants and a shirt for me and two pairs of heels. Oh, and my makeup. And, besides the clothes on our backs, that was it.

 

I had put a change of clothes into the backpack the night before because I wanted to change out of travel wear before dinner and didn't know if our checked bag would make it to our stateroom in time. :D:D

 

It was a lucky move on my part.

Okay, having to leave clothes behind AND almost not making the plane? My OCD side is freaking out right now. Great start!

Shrinkage... But I was in the pool!...

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

The collared greens were pretty, pretty, pretty good... Full of flavor and with large chunks of pork. 8.5 out of 10

Is this a Curb Your Enthusiasm reference? If so, I APPROVE.

I was sent over from the Royal Caribbean boards from Stallion. I cruise solo as well, but only on Royal. I am finishing up on my own trip report thread, which has been a work in progress since November. Because slow and easy wins the race. Or so I tell people.

Anyway, enjoying your review/report.

Thanks for your review. I just started reading it today. Like a good book, I couldn’t put the iPad down. We are leaving June 3rd.

You picked a good time to read it since I started this thing last fall and am finally getting to the last day. I have just one more installment and then I will be finished at last.

As a solo cruiser I feel that you should write a version with a tad more "Writer's Embellishment" regarding what REALLY happened with Richard, ROBO or Mystery Cruiser X-after all whose to say it DIDN'T happen?

 

Stallion aka Richard (but not that Richard)

If you think this report isn't already full of embellishments, then I have a perfectly behaved 11yo boy to sell you. Artistic freedom has already given me the looks of a 29yo. Should I ask you how you obtained your username?

You are definitely not THAT Richard, as I changed his name to protect the guilty and make a personal statement about his character.

have done both of these sites, private excursions, loved them both, totally different, but enjoyed!

Commonalities - drinks were endless/plentiful and food was very tasty! All delivered! Make sure you tip!:D

 

Plan on going back to Nachi Cocum in Dec this year!

You guys have certainly made me interested in trying it. :confused:

DAY 7: THE SECOND CLOSEST I GET TO HAVING SEX

“What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means liar.”

--Lewis Black

I do what I do best, I show up early for breakfast. Richard arrives on time, but in my world, that’s like five minutes late. I order my usual, if you can consider ordering the same meal two times as “usual,” and Richard and I engage in more chatter. To be honest, it’s been months and I cannot remember what we talked about, but I do remember that we have quite a few philosophical discussions about obtaining incurable diseases from unsanitary clubs. Okay, not really. We discuss family, God, divorce…things like that. We eat, we talk, we sit, we talk. Must have been there for two hours. But my final choir practice is at 10am, so I have to go. I ask if he wants to meet for lunch and he says yes. We establish a time and decide to meet at Windjammer’s little sister, Vitality Café. Also known as Windjammer Lite. Or Windjammer Junior. I am a big fan of alliteration, myself.

Back to Jazz on 4 for choir. Linda is excited that we all came back. So excited, in fact, that she makes us learn another new song and incorporates choreography into our music. Yes, choreography. This is not child’s play, folks. This is FOR REALS. The hour goes well. When the hour is over, it’s time to sing in front of our family and friends. That is, if we had any.

[sniff]

Our little performance goes well. So well, in fact, that one woman in the audience shouts, “ENCORE!” Because, well, she was instructed to before the show. So we end with one last song, “Supercalifornication.” I would say that they all stand and cheer and throw flowers, but that would be a lie.

“Hello Mom? Hi! Yes, you missed the performance. Oh, I would say it went well. I was discovered by a talent agent who wants me to star in the next Justin Timberlake video. Aren’t you sorry you didn’t come?”

I go back to my interior2 cabin and turn on the TV. Why? You ask. Or maybe you don’t ask. You may not care. I want to see the Cruise Director show that the Compass has been advertising all week but I have been missing. I catch the middle part and wait patiently for the Viewer Shout Outs at the end. Grants picks up my card and says, “This one is from Hucifer. That’s an unusual name. Is it German? Anyway, Hucifer asks, ‘Is Robo single and, more importantly, heterosexual? Asking for a friend.’ Well, Hucifer. Yes, he is single and yes, he is heterosexual. But take it from me, Robo is CRAZY.” Jimmie looks at the camera and nods emphatically.

Then they both start laughing.

Okay, I am not really sure what that all means, but I would still take Robo’s crazy, sexy self back to my interior2 cabin. I didn’t really plan on talking much, anyway. And I would appreciate if Jimmie and Grant would pass along the news to Robo that he has a female admirer. Then maybe I can get my chance to personally experience a little crazy before I go.

This is the kind of crap I do on sea days

As usual, I show up early for lunch. I see my new besties there, the next door neighbors. Not that I can remember their names. They are seriously very nice people and wish I had more time to get to know my steerage neighbors and their names. They leave and I wait for Richard. He is prompt, shows up on time, and we claim our table with silverware and pick out the lack of offerings at Windjammer Junior. I was very surprised at the limited choices here. Not that I’m terribly hungry. Breakfast was filling.

Richard and I eat our lunch and talk. For like three hours. My extrovert side is very happy. Then I look at my watch and see that the Ice Games show is about to start, and does he want to join me? And why am I always the aggressor here with the invitations? Apparently he doesn’t mind because he keeps accepting all my invitations.

My new friend joins me for Ice Games. I like the show overall. Much better than the Dragon one. But here’s a complaint: between each scene, they roll virtual dice to make it seem like the next scene is completely arbitrary. They project an image of rolling dice and play a sound clip of the dice being shaken. (“You landed on…Giovanni’s restaurant!” And then we are rewarded with a scene of an Italian restaurant which is another not-so-subtle advertisement for RCI.) The complaint is that these in-between scenes are long, I suppose necessarily so in order to have enough time for costume and scene changes, but the audio for the rolling dice is very loud. And the sound clip is on a loop. Over and over you hear it. Like a Labadee parade. The whole show feels like a Royal Caribbean commercial. Craziness, I know.

Marketing, ice show style

After the ice show, Richard and I part ways. We basically leave our next encounter to the gods since he isn’t assertive enough to name a time and place and I’m tired of taking control of this relationship.

I get ready for dinner and stop at THE GRANDE after inhaling smoke from THE CASINO. I say good-bye to Gerry and Xin, as this is the last night on the ship.

Me and my dinner peeps

Tonight is my sequel dinner at 150 Central Park. If it this event had a name it might be 150 Central Park, Part 2: Duck the Deuce. I keep thinking about that duck confit. And Robo.

[Robo walks into 150 Central Park just as my duck confit is served. He removes his sunglasses and looks around the restaurant. When he sees me, he drops his clipboard, runs over and says, “I heard your message on the show this morning and I’ve been looking for you all day. I wanted to let you know that I’ve been interested in you since the Sexiest Man contest but didn’t know how to tell you. Here, let me help you with that.” He picks up my fork, stabs the duck, lettuce, and raisins, and feeds it to me, bite by bite. “When you are finished eating, let’s go for a walk. I have so much to share with you.”]

Vlad and I are reunited and I am thrilled to have him again. He puts the menu down on the table but tells me not to open it. In fact, he keeps his hand down on the menu as if he is keeping demons from escaping out of it. “Now if you remember earlier this week,” he says, “we talked about the aged rib eye.”

“Oh, I remember,” I say. I didn’t forget the duck, either.

“So you may open this if you wish, but that is the recommended entrée for this evening.” Vlad is still holding down the menu with most of his body weight.

“I’m all over it.”

“May I recommend the butternut squash soup tonight? It has a delicate texture and a wonderful taste.”

“Vlad, I trust you empathically. Bring me the soup and the rib eye.” Vlad tells me I made an excellent choice, picks up the menu that he never allowed me to touch, and starts to walk away, but I grab his arm to stop him. “And the duck confit, of course.”

“Of course,” he says. And leaves.

Vlad comes back shortly and drops off the bread, butter, and salts. He asks me if I need another rundown of the salts. “Nope,” I say. “gray and black. All over it.” He gives me a polite nod and walks away.

The first dish Vlad brings me is the butternut squash soup, which is an appetizer he has been recommending all week. It has a little honey drizzled on top. I don’t understand the need to sweeten something that is already sweet. Like brown sugar on sweet potatoes. People, those sweet potatoes are sweet enough. You wouldn’t think to sprinkle sugar on Yukon gold, so why sweet ones? Anyway, I am not particularly thrilled to order it because the beet salad and tuna tartare sound pretty amazing too, but Vlad has yet to steer me wrong. And let me tell you folks…his track record is safe. This soup is AMAZING. And that little drizzle of honey on top? Makes the soup EVEN BETTER. I have never had butternut squash soup like this. So smooth and so delicious.

Bowl of deliciousness right here

Vlad looks down and sees that my bowl is literally licked clean. Yet he asks how it was.

[stands up and grabs Vlad by the collar, demanding to know why he didn’t force me to order this soup five days ago]

I say, “Meh, I’ve had better.”

Vlad swaps my empty bowl for a fresh plate of duck confit. Vlad leaves, but Robo doesn’t show up to feed me. He isn’t outside the restaurant, peering into the window. He isn’t wandering Central Park, calling my name. I am beginning to think that Robo isn’t looking for me at all. So I pick up my fork: duck, lettuce, raisin, stab stab stab. Eat. Repeat. Mmmm. Deliciousness.

After another coitus-inducing plate of duck, Vlad returns to swap another empty plate for a full one. And he finally presents the dish he’s been raving about all week. The rib eye.

That plate was no match for the meat

Do you see how this meat is bigger than the plate? I think it weighed more than me. It was so good (how good was it?) that I ate the whole thing, except for that hunk of fat. Don’t ask me how I stretched my stomach that much. Especially after a bowl of soup and a plate of duck confit. I threw down that meat like Popeye to a can of spinach. Garfield to a lasagna. Scooby to a Scoopy Snack. Alf to a cat. Anyway, you get my point. That rib eye was incredible. It came with some wacky sauce, but I didn’t touch it.

When Vlad comes by to see how I’m doing, how can I adequately express how good this is? Besides saying, “This is good.” Do I stand up and give him an uncomfortably long hug? Show a little leg? Promise him my next of kin? Invite him to my Justin Timberlake video filming? Write a letter to Tide?

You may be shocked, but I was not leaving without dessert. Don’t ask me how I had room for it. I asked Vlad again…do you recommend the mango tres leches cake? You know, as if the tres leches cake got suddenly awesome in four days. Once again he says no. Either the donut or the chocolate tart. So I start to whine, “But I really loooooooove tres leches cake.” So Vlad promises to bring both, but also says that he warned me.

Do I even need to say it? Say it with me:

Vlad was right.

That tres leches cake on the right doesn't live up to its promise. Like a few men I know.

The mango tres leches cake may LOOK delicious, but it wasn’t. I don’t know how you can make a dessert suck, but they did. I even gave it three or four bites, just to make sure. But yes. Every bite sucked. When Vlad returned shortly, I had to admit that he was right, I was wrong, and I was never to doubt him again.

[hangs head in shame]

After the chocolate tart, I told Vlad he was my new best friend and I promised that I would write every day.

[random citizen] What kind of a best friend can he be if you can’t remember his name?

[flips off random citizen]

As I was walking out, I see folks that I played trivia with at another table. I stop by, say hello, then patiently wait for the recognition to sink in. You can see it in their faces…when this week did I meet this strange woman who cruises alone and has a weird fetish for Mexican cruise director staff members? After they realize who I am, we exchange a few pleasantries and then I leave them with parting words of wisdom:

“One word: duck confit. That’s two. Wait. Two more. Butternut squash soup. Oh, that’s three. And chocolate tart. That’s like nine or something. Anyway, heed my words, folks.” And then I leave. Not exactly pithy.

Robo wasn’t waiting outside. But a parade was going on at the Promenade! Don’t ask me why I used an exclamation mark. It really wasn’t exciting at all.

I stopped at the pub and was invited to sit with another couple that I played trivia with. They invited me to their table and we chatted for awhile.

So yes, I played a lot of trivia all week and you’re probably wondering (all three of you who are left) why I don’t really mention it on my trip report. And here is my answer: I don’t know. Actually, it is because I never thought I would write about my experience on The Beast, so I didn’t bother taking any notes about the week. All I have are my photos, my aging, feeble memory, and some correspondence I had with folks back home. I purchased the Voom package so that I can chat with friends and family during the cruise and so that I could post about my vacation on Facebook and make everyone super jealous and stuff. That’s how I roll.

I kept looking for Richard, thinking that SURELY I would run into him. And no, I won’t stop. I rather like calling you Shirley. After some pub and pilsner, the adult comedy show in the main theatre was calling my name. And I figured out why Robo wasn’t looking for me…he was hosting the show and probably too busy! With that satisfying thought behind me, I enjoy the final show of the cruise. Very dirty comedy. I love it. No buttcheeks were harmed in the making of the show.

It’s almost time for bed, but not without a final evening in my favorite venue. I walk down to Jazz on 4 and enjoy the last performance of Brasil ’17. I stay all the way to the end. They finish their last set, the lights come on, and everyone files out of the club. Don’t make me go back to my interior2 cabin! I’m not ready to go home!

Coming up: DAY 8: How Richard Earned His "Name"

Wow! Just found this thread today and read it all in one day. Shhh.... don’t tell my boss. Hands down THE BEST review that I have had the pleasure of reading! Thanks for sharing with us!

WOW, thank you for that VERY generous compliment. You do know there's more to come, right?

I'm over here waiting for Hucifer's next post like I'm waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones...

Aww, sorry. Life gets busy. I don't do this on purpose, I swear!

:')

 

As long as we don't have to wait another year for this conclusion!

Nope nope nope! I won't do that again! I can't take the guilt, lol

I've just finished reading through this entire thread. I've laughed out loud many times: Thank you for that. I'm hooked! I can't wait to read your next report, but sad it will be over soon.

 

I have been considering a solo cruise, but being more of an introvert, have some reservations. You've made me reconsider my reservations.

So glad you are enjoying it! I'm afraid this thing ends with a whimper, rather than a bang. But I will finish it soon.

Go to the solo board...you will find that most solo travelers are introverted and absolutely love cruising. What's great about cruises is that you can set your own agenda and socialize or be alone as much as you want. I have no doubt that you will love it! Maybe start with a shorter cruise like I did, and then wish it was longer, like I did.

I actually own a t-shirt: Embarrassing my children: Just one more service I provide.

 

Needless to say, they HATE when I wear it on our cruises.

 

:D

How old are your kids? My life's ambitions are to embarrass my boy as much as possible. Lately, that list of Things That Mom Does That Embarrasses Me seems to be growing, much to my delight.

Robo is a really nice guy, and handsome! :D We played Baggo for a while, because it was stormy and no one else wanted to play. :)

OMG. You are my new best friend.

Sometimes I wonder if the crew members search themselves and find female admirers, like myself, shamelessly oozing over them on a public message board.

Hucifer, I firmly believe that it is a parent's bounded duty to embarrass their offspring :evilsmile:

 

Slugsta, now becoming a half poster, half lurker hybrid.

Oh, HELL yes it is. I make a point to dab in public simply because it embarrasses the crap out of him.

No way on this hybrid stuff; you are a full-blown poster if you've replied TWICE. That's the law. Look it up.

Well, I was a poster in this thread, then became a lurker upon your return, … but sh*t, now I'm a poster again. My psychiatrist gave me Meds for this, but he took them all and I have nothing. I'm still enjoying your review; I'll let him comment on his own dime...

I'm glad you posted again. :)

Are the meds so that you forget how much time had passed?

I never thought I’d say this to a stranger but you and I should absolutely do our next solo trip together. We’d own the boat.

Yes, but you know a LOT more about me than I know about you, including my most private fantasies about Mexican crew members with sunglasses and clipboards. Here are my criteria for a solo cruise:

1) On a week I don't have my son

2) Out of a Florida port

3) Prices are no more than $100pp/day

4) Plenty of male eye candy on board

I actually considered starting a "Let's plan a solo RCI cruise" thread. Could be VERY interesting. :confused:

Had to take a break here. Had to wipe off the monitor before my drink dripped to the floor.

This is the FUNNIEST thing I think I have ever read!

Thank you. I am a woman without shame. And that's one reason why it's entertaining to hang around me.

LOVE LOVE LOVE your review, Hucifer!

Very glad to see that you'll be doing a review of your upcoming cruise!

Thank you, simoner. Very humbling to read. Hope you stick around for the Oasis report.

If you ever go to costa maya, you have to go to maya chan. It blows nachi cocum away. And all the water activities are included. Paddle boards,kayaks, snorkel gear, and floating chairs with with cup holders to be served in the water!!

Your glowing review has definitely convinced me to try this excursion if I ever go back to Costa Maya.

How many drinks did you have before doing this?:eek:

 

Biker, who can't remember the last time he saw someone dancing in the WJ.

Between me and you, I didn't really dance at all. It was based off of the comment that I danced after I saw that Poppy and Branch had a meet and greet on day 2. Although, I am not afraid to make a complete ass of myself in front of strangers, and I have been known to break out into a sad solo flash mob in public places. Much to the embarrassment of my (now) 11yo.

Oh no, Day 7 and getting to the end of your cruise! How are we going to manage not seeing anymore of your posts after you're done with this review? Hopefully, you'll write about your cruise in August with your son, but what will we do in the meantime? I love reading your posts and don't want them to come to an end!

You know, it's posts like these that totally make my day. Thank you for the wonderful compliment.

I do plan on writing about our August cruise. My son is quite the character, so I can imagine that he'll give me plenty of material. However, it takes me awhile to compose the report, and I imagine that I wouldn't start posting until a month or two later. I thought about doing it live, like Robyn, but then realized that there was no way in hell that I would type on my little phone every day. Besides, I do my most creative work after I've had time to process.

Nachi Cocom looks wonderful! Can see why so many rave about it.

We'll be in Cozumel in March but don't think we need all inclusive with kids. Plus for me, one drink and I feel it so any more is not a good combo with the sea. Looks so relaxing through and peaceful and great that it wasn't busy. Says a lot too with you being able to go in the ocean and leave your valuables.

If a relaxing beach spot is what you're after, then there are cheaper alternatives, for sure. But I cannot recommend Nachi Cocum enough. I felt like I had the whole beach to myself. The staff was incredibly accommodating and friendly. The food was outstanding. The resort was gorgeous. I had better drinks at the Jamaican resort (Blue Water something something), but would choose Nachi Cocum over it in a heartbeat.

As a solo, it is difficult to feel comfortable enough to leave valuables behind in favor of a dip in the water. But yes, here I felt just that way.

Oh come on girl, don't leave me hanging. I have to work tomorrow. . . . !!

Unfortunately, for as long as it takes to upload the photos and fix all the spacing that the copy/pasting messed up, each update takes longer than I like. I will update again in a day or two, I think.

Nachi Cocom pro tip. You can ask your server to bring parts of lunch at different times. Ours didn’t seem thrilled about it but it was nice to have the guacamole and chips, salsa and soup first then the lunch a couple of hours later. We made sure to tip well.

 

Were there still stand up paddle boards and stuff to rent? SUP is really fun after a drink or two or five.

Great tip for next time! I would have loved the chips and guac earlier in the day. They were soooooo good and I was soooooo full from all that food.

If there were paddle boards to rent, I do not remember.

Really great review. I am divorced but travel with my daughter though I often feel like I am traveling solo. I was so pleased to see that Carlos is still at Nacho Cocum. Daughter and I have been there twice in the last 7 years, loved the place, and hopefully returning this November while on the Symphony. The massage they offer is also amazing. I too have a picture like yours in my office with us wearing the sombreros.

I'll be taking a cruise with my boy in August, but he is so clingy that there's no way I will feel like I'm solo. Unless I lock him into the kids club. Not unlike the scene in Sixteen Candles when the parents force their son to go to the dance. As they barricade the school doors from the outside, the kid yells, "I want to go home! I want to be with you guys!" That would be my boy, acting as if dropping him off at Adventure Ocean was some form of parental torture.

Anyway, Nachi Cocum was still as wonderful as you remember it. Sombreros and all.

It is a beautiful day. We had rainy, cloudy weather for most of the week. But the Cozumel gods were smiling upon me that day. Right at 9am, Carlos comes back and asks me if I want anything to drink. Pfffft. As if he had to ask. I order a pina colada and sit back and absorb it all in. Even at 9am, I am the only customer and I have this entire club to myself. I have a whole staff of servers waiting to please me, and only me. That alone is worth the $55. In fact, no one shows up until 9:30 or so. But I am very happy to see people because it still felt a little Hostel-esque to me.

Just my sexy, sexy legs and...







...my pina colada

The first couple to show up look awfully familiar. I am quite sure I’ve seen them on the ship, but where? Helping me with American History trivia at the Schooner Bar? At the Windjammer, watching me dance like Elaine? In the Promenade, giving us a pathetic display of a senior citizen flash mob? At Dazzles, dropping keychains into bowls with their buttcheeks? They sit a few lounge chairs down from me, but far enough where you have to shout to hear each other. I stare at them for a long time as my brain tries to recall where I know them from. They sit, I stare, they swim, I stare. This couple is so cute. Probably about ten years older than me. The way they interact tells me that they’ve been married forever, but still adore each other. It makes me so happy to see good long-term marriages. Gives me hope.

Eventually we started chatting with each other. They were very friendly, as I think they remember me too. In the middle of a conversation with them, it hit me. “You guys have the cabin right next to me!” The man and woman nod and were all like, duhhh. They apparently recognized me right away. These two were extremely nice, and no doubt my favorite people to chat with on the entire cruise. We talk about the Allure, our interior2 cabins, and the uncanny coincidence of seeing each other at this exclusive independent excursion.

I break away from them for a dip in the water. Day 6, right? And this is my first time getting into the sea. In Labadee I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my stuff behind at all, and in Jamaica, the rainy, cloudy weather didn’t make me want to jump in the water. But here in travel-advisory Mexico, the weather and the water are perfect, and there were so few people around that I feel perfectly comfortable leaving my valuables back on the beach. WOW, the water feels as amazing as it looks. I spend a long time swimming and just enjoying the warm briny sea as it envelopes my body.

Carlos makes many visits to check on my drinks and see if I’m hungry yet. I finally order lunch. It isn’t much, but it will hold me over until I get back on the ship.

No, that is not for a serving of two. Yes, everything on that tray is included. No, I did not eat it all.

Look at that that water. LOOK AT IT!







So worth risking my own personal safety for.

Well, the morning and afternoon at Nachi Cocum are absolutely wonderful. Very few people are there and I feel like I have the beach and sea all to myself. The staff is attentive, the food is excellent, and drinks are flowing. No doubt one of the best excursions I’ve ever taken. On all of my thousand cruises. Cannot recommend it more. In fact, I told my ex and his fiancé to do this excursion on their honeymoon last December (which they didn’t do). They were on Norwegian’s Getaway or something. These crazy nut jobs brought all three kids AND his mother-in-law on their honeymoon. My (then) 10yo was geeked. He better not expect the same from me if I ever get married again, because my ex is NOT setting a precedent.

My cabin neighbors and I decide to share a cab back to the ship. So my Hostel fears are fading. And the cab fare is cut in half. On the way back, I get to know these awesome people even more. But don’t ask me their names. I completely forgot. After all, I took this cruise back in September and I’m all old and stuff.

After dinner (forgettable, as usual) I walk to Starbucks and get a Shout-Out Sheet for Jimmie’s Cruise Director show. I scribble a few words and drop it into the box.

Tonight I see Blue Planet. It is cool and all, but forgettable, except for the living tree and the trampoline people. The lead singer is the rich friend from Mama Mia, but her stage presence is something to be desired. So a day or two before I am sitting at Sorrento’s and not eating pizza. I forget why I was there. Waiting for something, I guess. Anyway, she walks right by me. I give her a smile when we make eye contact and she gives me a snarly smile back. Like she was forced to make a pleasant facial expression for the commoners and this was so beneath her. That split second of contact left me with a worse feeling than a Sorrento’s pizza. Like I captured her personality in an instant. Anyway, this forced pleasantness seemed to ooze out of her on stage. Very unlikeable. Which is weird, because I thought she did a fantastic job with Mama Mia.

After the show, I walk right past Richard, the dude I met this morning. He is sitting on a bench and is on the phone. I give him a little wave and he says, “Call you back,” and hangs up. Just like that. “Where are you off to?” he asks, and jumps up out of his seat. I tell him that I am going to see The Quest, and would he like to join me? He asks what that is. Oh, you ignorant fool, I think. I tell him to come and that he needs to experience it for himself.

We sit up front. Richard does the unthinkable and orders me a Lemondrop martini. It took six days for a man to buy me a drink. I am losing my touch. Or maybe I never had it. I don’t know. While we wait, we get to know each other better. Richard is divorced and lives in New Hampshire with a couple of teenagers. He is like 53 or 68 or something. Conversation is still going well. And then the show starts.

Well, you know how The Quest is. It’s not for the faint of heart. Or the old and frail. We end up sitting in a rather dull section. Even worse, we sit directly next to a super engaged one. So I am not pleased. The last time I saw this show was on my solo Independence cruise. I was the designated female runner for our section and THAT group was even lamer than the one we’re in now. As a runner, I had to do the worm on the dirty floor. I was wearing a short blue dress. After the show, we’re all walking out and a woman in my section compliments my red panties. Great. Hope they got that on camera. Then again, thank God I wore panties.

So this section isn’t much better, so we don’t do well. But no matter, Richard enjoyed the happy accident that is The Quest, and I got a free drink out of it. Win-win.

When we’re piling out of the theatre, I invite Richard to (surprise!) Jazz on 4. He says that he would love to join me. And…hello. He buys me another drink at the club. I am liking my new friend. As much as I love being alone, my extrovert side is enjoying the interaction very much. Plus, he SEEMS like a nice guy. Also, free drinks. We agree to meet for breakfast at Johnny Rockets the following morning and then bid each other a good night.

Coming up: DAY 7: THE SECOND CLOSEST I GET TO HAVING SEX

Can’t wait to hear more about Nachi Cocum, as I’m looking at possibly booking it on my Harmony cruise next year :)

As you wish...

Not to make you feel guilty, BUT. When you started this review, I was very excited to hear your review of nachi cocum. Because I was going on a future cruise and had booked this. Sorry to say that I have been there done that before your review.

In fact when we were in cozumel all ferry tours were cancelled. Something about finding explosives.

Nachi is farther out than other stops. So don't panic and think you are being kidnapped when you are the last ones in taxi/van.

If you hadn't arrived early you would've been greeted with a glass of champagne.

We really did enjoy this stop.

Yes, I never promised a TIMELY report, as evident by my postings. And yes, now I have guilt. :p

Now I have the puctures.:confused:

You good now? Because I don't know if you're trying to say "pictures" or "punctures." Lord, I hope it's the former.

Great photo! You don't look even slightly drunk (although, I don't know how you usually look, so maybe best not to pay much attention to that comment ;) ).

You ninja-posted on me.

Why, thank you. My son has never even seen me drunk, and he has hardly even seen me with alcohol. In fact, on the rare occasion when I drink a beer in front of him, he publicly announces it to the world: "Mom! You're DRINKING???" Then again, his drunk comment maybe came from a deep-seeded bitterness since I cruised without him.

If I didn't know any better, I would say you're turning into a "poster." ;)