Navigator Review -- Dec. 5

[danielbriere]

Not sure what's more pronounced right now, the smile on my face or the terror of returning from 90-degree sunshine to sub-zero arctic blasts here in the north.

 

 

 

That's because I'm just back from the Navigator after a five-day swing through the Western Caribbean. In short, it was wonderful. To help some folks who may be traveling in the future and to reassure others, I figured I'd throw some thoughts on here.

 

 

 

I see there are other reviews posted already so I’m not going to follow their lead and write a chronological narrative of our trip, but rather will hit on broader points that are hopefully useful to folks cruising on this ship in the future.

 

 

For those eager for a rip job, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. While nothing is perfect and The Navigator has some warts (we’ll get to those here) you’re going to have to make some kind of effort to have a bad vacation on board. Something like coming on board right after breaking up with your girlfriend, traveling immediately after losing your job, or having a flare-up of herpes. Because generally, most things RCI does are really, really good.

 

 

I won’t think of everything on the first pass. I may have to come back later and revisit some things. And for those interested in more details, go to a review I did a while ago about Mariner. Here’s the link: http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=773381&highlight=danielbriere. Navigator and Mariner are essentially the same ship and many of the comments are transferable.

 

 

Here we go …

 

 

Embarkation -- We found it exceedingly easy. Then again, we ignored the cruise line’s recommendation that we arrive at 1 p.m. or something like that and showed up at 10:30. There was no line, no wait and we had our SeaPass card in hand within five minutes. Yes, we had to wait in the holding area for 45 minutes or so, but getting there early we got a seat so it was a breeze. Speaking of a breeze, RCI might want to turn down the air conditioning in that part of the terminal just a tad. I had icicles hanging out of my nostrils by the time we were able to board. What is it with Floridians and their meat-locker-style AC? Don’t they live in the south to be warm?

 

 

First Impressions -- Cruise Critic is a great site. It’s informative, sometimes cheeky and usually worth reading. But it’s also a great place to come to a conclusion that you’re going to have a terrible time on board a ship. Some of the reviews are harsh. Before we arrived, the recent reviews of Navigator were … well … daunting. I halfway expected to be boarding a slave ship on which I’d have to row to Labadee. The good news is, it’s a beautiful ship. There are some soft spots (more on that in a bit) but anyone who complains too vigorously clearly lives in far nicer surroundings than I do because I thought it was great. No, it’s not the Louvre. But it’s hardly the Loo, either.

 

 

Cabin -- We were on the Sixth deck near the back in an interior stateroom. The room itself was roughly the size of a matchbook but that’s OK because we’re only in there to sleep, dress and shower anyway. Besides, nobody expects spaciousness on a ship. And it was clean.

 

 

 

The Hallway -- At first, I thought our neighbour was overdoing it on tacos and burritos at the buffet, because the entire area stunk like really foul raw sewage. But after we asked an attendant, we learned there were some problems with the pipes. Despite the crew’s best efforts to sanitize and spray the area, it never got better. Some days the smell while walking to the stateroom made me feel like a probe on the end of a tool for a rectal exam. Got really good at holding my breath because of it.

 

 

Toilets -- While we’re on the topic, let’s talk about the waste-vacuums from hell. If you’ve not yet sailed, prepare yourself for the lavatories. If you could somehow manage to create a tight seal between your butt cheeks and the seat and then flushed, you might have your liver sucked right out of you. When these things flush, they FLUSH! I can’t even image the speed at which a poop must rocket through the pipes to the main tank. Astronauts don’t travel that fast.

 

 

Muster Drill -- To whomever it was who finally decided guests did not have to wear their live jackets to the muster drill, thank you. Considering how often ships sink these days, it always seemed rather silly to make a bunch of people who are all excited about their vacation stand around like herded cattle in bulky, uncomfortable, bright-orange outfits that strangle the average person, just to wait for a horn blast. Truth is, if the ship ever does sink, I’m willing to bet everything I have the reality of the organized stroll to the lifeboat area won’t look anything like the drill. Anyway, much, much better now.

 

 

 

Guests -- The other two cruises we've taken were seven-day trips. This one was five. Whether it was a fluke or not, we noticed a big difference in the clientele. This trip had more partiers. Not to the point of being obnoxious or stupid drunk, just livelier. It actually added something quite nice.

 

 

 

Entertainment -- Nobody goes on a ship specifically for the entertainment unless you’re a huge Charo fan or are eager to see washed-up stars of the ’70s clinging to a hint of their past glory. But I gotta tell you, the entertainment on our cruise was ourstanding. The comedian the first night was hilarious. Even funnier a couple nights later at the late-night gig. Spectrum was fantastic doing Motown classics. Even the ship singers and dancers were solid. This was a huge surprise to me as our previous experiences with them has been checkered at best. Which generally means they weren’t very good. This troupe was really strong. Credit where credit’s due.

 

 

Poolside Band -- These guys were not only really good but they actually played a good variety of songs. All reggae, but that's fine. They even turned in a surprisingly awesome version of Bridge Over Troubled Water that was unlike anything I'd ever heard before and almost certainly would've straightened Art Garfunkel's hair. Only heard Red Red Wine two or three times, rather than the 347 times on most cruises. That's a plus.

 

 

 

Love and Marriage Game Show -- This is always a highlight for us as it’s unfailingly funny. Thanks to Jerry and Trudy for upholding that tradition (Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry!) Odd thing though, and I may have been the only one to sense it. The activities director who chose the contestants blew it with the middle couple. In my humble opinion they were more obnoxious than funny. That was obvious when the crowd actually booed his decision. Never thought I’d hear a bunch of docile vacationers on a ship turn on a host and start heckling. Anyway, it really affected the dynamic of the room and the game. Just an educational lesson for future cruise directors. Go with the couple that looks fun, not the one that looks desperate.

 

 

70s Dance Party -- One of the don’t miss events. Just a lot of fun, even if the scrawny near-naked dancing Indian member of the Village People is a little too nude for his own good.

 

The Crew -- One word. Outstanding. They’re friendly, helpful, thoughtful and never complain no matter how outrageous the request.

 

 

 

Announcements -- This was weird. For some reason, it was almost impossible to make out what was being said over the PA no matter where we were on the ship. It all seemed mumbled. It wasn’t a problem on the other ships. Don’t know if they need to fix something or if Captain Erik simply needs to enunciate better. Because right now, “Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s now time for the belly flop competition” sounds a whole lot like, “Aaaeee ann ennnmen, uggh reerg bloor floppy ccoomten.” Or something like that. For a better example, put three or four marshmallows in your mouth and you’ll get the idea.

 

 

Don’t Do Item #1 -- Absentmindedly sitting on the deck watching the sea go by one day, I realized the song playing on my iPod was The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Not a great tune to groove to while cruising.

 

 

Don’t Do Item #2 -- It was a shorter cruise. As a result, some people clearly didn’t get the tan they were seeking in the available time. Still, not sure the man on Deck 12 who was so red the final afternoon he appeared to be ready to burst into flames was going about it the right way.

 

 

Don’t Do Item #3 -- For the love of all things holy, would you gentlemen from the old country PLEASE invest in a swimsuit that doesn’t remind everyone of the guy from Spinal Tap's armadillo trousers.

 

 

Don't Do Item #4 -- To the guy who had formal portraits taken of him and his cigar with which he seemed really enamored, gosh, I'm not even sure what to say. Except I wonder if Bill Clinton ever did that.

 

Sorry.

 

 

 

Food -- I’m going to repeat what I wrote in that previous Mariner review. I’d heard so many horror stories about the food and how bad it’s become that I actually figured I’d be slurping cold slop out of a trough. To the contrary, it was phenomenal. Everything was tremendous. Believe me, I ate a lot and covered a lot of ground on the menu. No complaints. Not one. If you’re going on Navigator and have read other reviews that have you worried, don’t be. And by all means, order as much as you want. The waiters are happy to bring you four appetizers and two entrees if you want. As for the ever-present fear that lobster is gone, it isn’t. I had three.

 

 

Drinks -- We’re not big drinkers. However, in Labadee do not miss out on the Labadoozee. And be sure to try a Mohito on a hot day under the sun. Delicious! However, be advised that the costs add up pretty quickly. The last day we saw four twentysomethings buy eight mohitos and two buckets of beer in one shot. Figured that set them back $100. Do that a few times over the course of the week and you’re hangover might be felt in your wallet. Just a thought for those who aren't obscenely rich or alcoholic.

 

 

Labadee -- Royal Caribbean calls this their private island which is sort of odd since it’s not an island but a peninsula. One must assume they know this but figure “private peninsula” doesn’t have the same ring to it. Anyway, a lot of changes here over the past six months. Many have been discussed on this forum, so we’ll just hit the highlights. Yes, the pier is finished and being used. Nice addition. It’s a bit of a hike from ship to shore but not having to wait in lines to get on the tender is a huge benefit. There has been all kinds of other development too. So much that it hardly looks like the same place. That’s good and bad. The waterslide is no more, which was a disappointment. It had been a low-cost, fun day. Barefoot Beach is indeed now suite guests only. I guess that’s a tad elitist but then they’re paying quite a bit more so I have no real issue with them getting something extra for their investment. Still, it’s a great stop and a perfect place to do nothing but veg. One tip, if you’re looking for the most private and picturesque place to lay back and relax (or just to get an amazing picture), walk as far as you can go on the side of the peninsula facing the ship. There’s a palm tree that’s bent and hanging over the water. It just looks like a tiny slice of tropical paradise. Sit on the trunk, give someone your camera and tell them to frame you with the ship and the tree and you have a shot for the family room.

 

 

Mini Golf -- Here’s a trouble spot. The course is in disrepair. Some turf is puckered making it impossible to putt. Other parts are completely torn. This is something you’d think could be fixed easily and should be because it’s a favourite of many people.

 

 

Hot Tubs -- I’m not a kid basher. Honest, I’m not. But if there’s one thing I think is not too much to ask, it’s that parents have a little control over their children in the hot tub. Much as it’s cute and all, by the time little Johnny goes airborne for his 15th cannonball so I‘m dripping and wiping water out of my eyes, I’m seriously thinking unkind thoughts that involve hanging him from the back of a door by his bathing suit.

 

 

Disembarking -- Not as smooth as getting on, that's for sure. I've seen shorter lineups at Disney World on Christmas vacation. Best advise, no matter what time your plane leaves for home, get an early luggage tag from RCI. Unless you want to give your family the Disney experience without paying for it. Or getting the fun thrill at the end.

 

 

 

Hope this is helpful to someone. Write a response if you have questions I didn't address. Happy to help if I can ...

 

　

[Twibes]

I have to tell you, that was by far the most entertaining, comical, yet completely honest review I've ever read. I'm sitting here eating my dinner while reading the review (As I'll be sailing Navigator next month) and I almost spit out everything I chewed 3 times over.

 

Loved it, thank you for this. I have to concur on one thing, those darn swim suit styles of a select group of individuals :rolleyes:.

[ruready]

Loved your review!

[alexkrn46]

Thank you for your review. We will be on board in a few days.

[woody73]

Entertaining review, thanks.

 

Woody

[dolfandude]

Thanks for taking the time to write your review. Glad to here all IS well on the Navigator. We board Monday morning! Thanks again!

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

I enjoyed your review and the way you wrote it. Sorry the putt putt course has deteriorated. I don't recall that it was that bad last April when we sailed on Nav. I hope they get it fixed before our next cruise on Nav in Jan.

[lleydens]

Not sure what's more pronounced right now, the smile on my face or the terror of returning from 90-degree sunshine to sub-zero arctic blasts here in the north.

 

 

 

That's because I'm just back from the Navigator after a five-day swing through the Western Caribbean. In short, it was wonderful. To help some folks who may be traveling in the future and to reassure others, I figured I'd throw some thoughts on here.

 

 

 

I see there are other reviews posted already so I’m not going to follow their lead and write a chronological narrative of our trip, but rather will hit on broader points that are hopefully useful to folks cruising on this ship in the future.

 

 

For those eager for a rip job, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. While nothing is perfect and The Navigator has some warts (we’ll get to those here) you’re going to have to make some kind of effort to have a bad vacation on board. Something like coming on board right after breaking up with your girlfriend, traveling immediately after losing your job, or having a flare-up of herpes. Because generally, most things RCI does are really, really good.

 

 

I won’t think of everything on the first pass. I may have to come back later and revisit some things. And for those interested in more details, go to a review I did a while ago about Mariner. Here’s the link: http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=773381&highlight=danielbriere. Navigator and Mariner are essentially the same ship and many of the comments are transferable.

 

 

Here we go …

 

 

Embarkation -- We found it exceedingly easy. Then again, we ignored the cruise line’s recommendation that we arrive at 1 p.m. or something like that and showed up at 10:30. There was no line, no wait and we had our SeaPass card in hand within five minutes. Yes, we had to wait in the holding area for 45 minutes or so, but getting there early we got a seat so it was a breeze. Speaking of a breeze, RCI might want to turn down the air conditioning in that part of the terminal just a tad. I had icicles hanging out of my nostrils by the time we were able to board. What is it with Floridians and their meat-locker-style AC? Don’t they live in the south to be warm?

 

 

First Impressions -- Cruise Critic is a great site. It’s informative, sometimes cheeky and usually worth reading. But it’s also a great place to come to a conclusion that you’re going to have a terrible time on board a ship. Some of the reviews are harsh. Before we arrived, the recent reviews of Navigator were … well … daunting. I halfway expected to be boarding a slave ship on which I’d have to row to Labadee. The good news is, it’s a beautiful ship. There are some soft spots (more on that in a bit) but anyone who complains too vigorously clearly lives in far nicer surroundings than I do because I thought it was great. No, it’s not the Louvre. But it’s hardly the Loo, either.

 

 

Cabin -- We were on the Sixth deck near the back in an interior stateroom. The room itself was roughly the size of a matchbook but that’s OK because we’re only in there to sleep, dress and shower anyway. Besides, nobody expects spaciousness on a ship. And it was clean.

 

 

 

The Hallway -- At first, I thought our neighbour was overdoing it on tacos and burritos at the buffet, because the entire area stunk like really foul raw sewage. But after we asked an attendant, we learned there were some problems with the pipes. Despite the crew’s best efforts to sanitize and spray the area, it never got better. Some days the smell while walking to the stateroom made me feel like a probe on the end of a tool for a rectal exam. Got really good at holding my breath because of it.

 

 

Toilets -- While we’re on the topic, let’s talk about the waste-vacuums from hell. If you’ve not yet sailed, prepare yourself for the lavatories. If you could somehow manage to create a tight seal between your butt cheeks and the seat and then flushed, you might have your liver sucked right out of you. When these things flush, they FLUSH! I can’t even image the speed at which a poop must rocket through the pipes to the main tank. Astronauts don’t travel that fast.

 

 

Muster Drill -- To whomever it was who finally decided guests did not have to wear their live jackets to the muster drill, thank you. Considering how often ships sink these days, it always seemed rather silly to make a bunch of people who are all excited about their vacation stand around like herded cattle in bulky, uncomfortable, bright-orange outfits that strangle the average person, just to wait for a horn blast. Truth is, if the ship ever does sink, I’m willing to bet everything I have the reality of the organized stroll to the lifeboat area won’t look anything like the drill. Anyway, much, much better now.

 

 

 

Guests -- The other two cruises we've taken were seven-day trips. This one was five. Whether it was a fluke or not, we noticed a big difference in the clientele. This trip had more partiers. Not to the point of being obnoxious or stupid drunk, just livelier. It actually added something quite nice.

 

 

 

Entertainment -- Nobody goes on a ship specifically for the entertainment unless you’re a huge Charo fan or are eager to see washed-up stars of the ’70s clinging to a hint of their past glory. But I gotta tell you, the entertainment on our cruise was ourstanding. The comedian the first night was hilarious. Even funnier a couple nights later at the late-night gig. Spectrum was fantastic doing Motown classics. Even the ship singers and dancers were solid. This was a huge surprise to me as our previous experiences with them has been checkered at best. Which generally means they weren’t very good. This troupe was really strong. Credit where credit’s due.

 

 

Poolside Band -- These guys were not only really good but they actually played a good variety of songs. All reggae, but that's fine. They even turned in a surprisingly awesome version of Bridge Over Troubled Water that was unlike anything I'd ever heard before and almost certainly would've straightened Art Garfunkel's hair. Only heard Red Red Wine two or three times, rather than the 347 times on most cruises. That's a plus.

 

 

 

Love and Marriage Game Show -- This is always a highlight for us as it’s unfailingly funny. Thanks to Jerry and Trudy for upholding that tradition (Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry!) Odd thing though, and I may have been the only one to sense it. The activities director who chose the contestants blew it with the middle couple. In my humble opinion they were more obnoxious than funny. That was obvious when the crowd actually booed his decision. Never thought I’d hear a bunch of docile vacationers on a ship turn on a host and start heckling. Anyway, it really affected the dynamic of the room and the game. Just an educational lesson for future cruise directors. Go with the couple that looks fun, not the one that looks desperate.

 

 

70s Dance Party -- One of the don’t miss events. Just a lot of fun, even if the scrawny near-naked dancing Indian member of the Village People is a little too nude for his own good.

 

The Crew -- One word. Outstanding. They’re friendly, helpful, thoughtful and never complain no matter how outrageous the request.

 

 

 

Announcements -- This was weird. For some reason, it was almost impossible to make out what was being said over the PA no matter where we were on the ship. It all seemed mumbled. It wasn’t a problem on the other ships. Don’t know if they need to fix something or if Captain Erik simply needs to enunciate better. Because right now, “Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s now time for the belly flop competition” sounds a whole lot like, “Aaaeee ann ennnmen, uggh reerg bloor floppy ccoomten.” Or something like that. For a better example, put three or four marshmallows in your mouth and you’ll get the idea.

 

 

Don’t Do Item #1 -- Absentmindedly sitting on the deck watching the sea go by one day, I realized the song playing on my iPod was The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Not a great tune to groove to while cruising.

 

 

Don’t Do Item #2 -- It was a shorter cruise. As a result, some people clearly didn’t get the tan they were seeking in the available time. Still, not sure the man on Deck 12 who was so red the final afternoon he appeared to be ready to burst into flames was going about it the right way.

 

 

Don’t Do Item #3 -- For the love of all things holy, would you gentlemen from the old country PLEASE invest in a swimsuit that doesn’t remind everyone of the guy from Spinal Tap's armadillo trousers.

 

 

Don't Do Item #4 -- To the guy who had formal portraits taken of him and his cigar with which he seemed really enamored, gosh, I'm not even sure what to say. Except I wonder if Bill Clinton ever did that.

 

Sorry.

 

 

 

Food -- I’m going to repeat what I wrote in that previous Mariner review. I’d heard so many horror stories about the food and how bad it’s become that I actually figured I’d be slurping cold slop out of a trough. To the contrary, it was phenomenal. Everything was tremendous. Believe me, I ate a lot and covered a lot of ground on the menu. No complaints. Not one. If you’re going on Navigator and have read other reviews that have you worried, don’t be. And by all means, order as much as you want. The waiters are happy to bring you four appetizers and two entrees if you want. As for the ever-present fear that lobster is gone, it isn’t. I had three.

 

 

Drinks -- We’re not big drinkers. However, in Labadee do not miss out on the Labadoozee. And be sure to try a Mohito on a hot day under the sun. Delicious! However, be advised that the costs add up pretty quickly. The last day we saw four twentysomethings buy eight mohitos and two buckets of beer in one shot. Figured that set them back $100. Do that a few times over the course of the week and you’re hangover might be felt in your wallet. Just a thought for those who aren't obscenely rich or alcoholic.

 

 

Labadee -- Royal Caribbean calls this their private island which is sort of odd since it’s not an island but a peninsula. One must assume they know this but figure “private peninsula” doesn’t have the same ring to it. Anyway, a lot of changes here over the past six months. Many have been discussed on this forum, so we’ll just hit the highlights. Yes, the pier is finished and being used. Nice addition. It’s a bit of a hike from ship to shore but not having to wait in lines to get on the tender is a huge benefit. There has been all kinds of other development too. So much that it hardly looks like the same place. That’s good and bad. The waterslide is no more, which was a disappointment. It had been a low-cost, fun day. Barefoot Beach is indeed now suite guests only. I guess that’s a tad elitist but then they’re paying quite a bit more so I have no real issue with them getting something extra for their investment. Still, it’s a great stop and a perfect place to do nothing but veg. One tip, if you’re looking for the most private and picturesque place to lay back and relax (or just to get an amazing picture), walk as far as you can go on the side of the peninsula facing the ship. There’s a palm tree that’s bent and hanging over the water. It just looks like a tiny slice of tropical paradise. Sit on the trunk, give someone your camera and tell them to frame you with the ship and the tree and you have a shot for the family room.

 

 

Mini Golf -- Here’s a trouble spot. The course is in disrepair. Some turf is puckered making it impossible to putt. Other parts are completely torn. This is something you’d think could be fixed easily and should be because it’s a favourite of many people.

 

 

Hot Tubs -- I’m not a kid basher. Honest, I’m not. But if there’s one thing I think is not too much to ask, it’s that parents have a little control over their children in the hot tub. Much as it’s cute and all, by the time little Johnny goes airborne for his 15th cannonball so I‘m dripping and wiping water out of my eyes, I’m seriously thinking unkind thoughts that involve hanging him from the back of a door by his bathing suit.

 

 

Disembarking -- Not as smooth as getting on, that's for sure. I've seen shorter lineups at Disney World on Christmas vacation. Best advise, no matter what time your plane leaves for home, get an early luggage tag from RCI. Unless you want to give your family the Disney experience without paying for it. Or getting the fun thrill at the end.

 

 

 

Hope this is helpful to someone. Write a response if you have questions I didn't address. Happy to help if I can ...

 

　

 

Thank you for the wonderfully funny review. We board on Monday and I too was concerned after the negative nellys!

[coast2coast]

Definitely enjoyed your review! Haven't cruised as much as some other people on here, but I haven't had a bad cruise yet! We board the Navigator 5 weeks from tomorrow, so it was nice to see a positive review! Glad you enjoyed your trip.... did you go to Jamaica, too? If so, what did you do?

Also, was there a midnight buffet? Bon Voyage parade in the promenade?

Haven't been on something less than 7 nights before, but we're combining this one with the 4-day following it.

Thanks! :-)

[danielbriere]

Yes, there is a midnight buffet (11:30 actually) on Deck 11 one night. The night we had it, the conditions were like a mini tornado it was so windy. It was hilarious. You could -- I'm not exagerrating one bit here -- lean forward on a 70-degree angle and be held up by the breeze. It was incredible. The buffet itself was OK. Nothing fancy except for a really good seafood stew, if you're into that. I am.

What I really found funny about it is how a group of people who've done little besides eat for days rushes upstairs after the show to get into a long line to wait for more food. Unless you've got a glandular condition that makes you famished at all times, relax. Let the line die down. There's always plenty of food. You'll get yours.

As for the Bon Voyage Parade, yeah, there was that. There was also another parade I can't remember that name of as well as some other dances and similiar things. There was even a carol sing on the Promenade which I thought was a nice touch.

Here are a few more things I forgot earlier. Hope they won't bore anyone ...

 

Deck relaxing -- This was the first cruise I really discovered how different the atmosphere is on different parts of the sun decks, giving you options depending on what you want to do. If you want to party, drink and be close to the action, anywhere close to the pool was the spot. If you want to read and get some rays, the front third of Deck 12 away from the pools was ideal. And the best thing I learned? If you want absolute quiet to really chill, go to the very front of Deck 12 and it was as quiet as a bunch of seniors at a Dane Cook concert. There was no noise at all. It was perfect on the day I wanted to mentally vacate.

 

Where to go? -- On our previous cruise we went to the Eastern Caribbean. For the record, it was way rougher. This was our second time to the Western Caribbean and the seas were flat. If you have any significant motion-sickness issues, I can't recommend the western side enough. Unless you don't mind the odd bazooka barf as part of your vacation.

 

Booze -- Here's something I discovered that saved a few bucks. At the duty free in Ocho Rios right next to the ship, they sell those mini bottles of 15 or 20 different liquors. None are more than $2.50 a bottle. If you're looking to save a few bucks here and there, that's about half what you'll pay on the ship. Sometimes more. Best of all, security took away our big bottles, but the small ones are made of plastic and when tucked into a shoe in the knapsack you took ashore, you should have no problem getting them to your stateroom. Even thge x-ray didn't pick them up. I'm not suggeting you bring 140 on board, but six or eight little bottles of decent scotch make for a few nice nightcaps.

 

Dining room etiquette -- Here's a little tip for those sharing a table with others. To make it, I'll quote directly from Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles: "You know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!" I say this because the table next to us had three couples on Day 1. Unfortunately, one guy decided to talk the entire time. Seriously. The moment he sat down he started and he never, ever stopped. He was relentless. I frankly thought he should be on Letterman's Stupid Human Tricks because he could apparently continue talking even as he chewed, swallowed and breathed. We were at the next table and he was wearing me out. By Day 2, one of the couples had bailed. By Day 3, they were alone. Not telling you how to socialize, but if you notice the other people at your table are shoving steak knives in their ears to ease the pain, you're probably talking too much.

Just sayin'.

 

Captain Erik -- Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else think the guy looks like one of the men from early ABBA?

 

Rock Climbing Wall -- Yet another tip. If you plan to try this (and I suggest you do, at least once) and you are the owner of testicles, I urge you to make sure the harness is attached in a way that doesn't turn them into plum pudding. You see, when the helpful attendants strap you in, they generally cinch the buckles at a tension level reserved for the tickle belt on a rodeo bull. If one of your boys happens to be in the way, I assure you the descent from the top of the wall will have you wishing you'd been born a woman. And leave you as one. I know it's Christmas time, but there's no need to experience the Nutcracker. I'm still walking a little funny.

 

The Quest -- For newcomers, this is one of those shows you really have to attend even though it's a late start. Midnight as I recall. Or maybe 11. I can't remember. While it's sometimes hilarious, the entire success or failure of the show rests on the lack of inhibitions among the participants. Pray that when you go, the folks who serve as captains have been well-lubricated and are eager to make fools of themselves rather than a bunch who've been pressed into duty against their wishes. We've seen hilarity and we've seen very so-so episodes. For better or for worse, this was the first time we saw no nudity. One time we were blessed with a young woman who was rather proud of her brand-new ta ta's and kept whipping 'em out. I'm reasonably sure she drank for free the rest of the cruise. And I'm reasonably sure the cruise director had pleasant dreams that night.

[djmike]

I thought I have read or heard it all, but that was a great review! You need to come on my ship!

 

Mike Szwajkowski

[GA Peach Too]

I plan to book the NOS with a friend in February and appreciate your humorous insight. Your information was a pleasure to read and all cruisers should view cruising with that sort of humor. One day, I hope to meet you on a cruise. The stories you could tell!:p

[Twibes]

Please make sure you didn't forget anything else, because this is as good as it gets. This is almost as bad as my morning caffeine addiction! I do recall experiencing the nutcracker even after Xmas on my first cruise, yet another good tip there.

 

So the buffet was on deck 11 eh? I guess times have changed, I remembered it being late, in the MDR on my first cruise. I guess catching your food in your mouth as the wind blows by is worth the challenege!

[publicpersona]

Very entertaining review .. thanks much.

[dolfandude]

"as quiet as a bunch of seniors at a Dane Cook concert!" OMG! This has got to be one of the funniest lines I've ever read on CC! And the nutcracker story was classic! :D Thanks for the laughs!

[mamaoftwoimps]

Thanks for taking the time to review, and I'm glad to read some GOOD things about NOS as we'll be heading that way shortly. I appreciate that little mention about the toilets having super suction. That helps me out as I have a 4 yr old, terrified of toilet flushes, so at least this gives me heads up to send her to the farthest part of the stateroom so I can flush. :D

[Jimmy1065]

Nice review. My wife and I were also on this cruise, and I agree completely with the OP. The only thing I didn't experience was the corridor aroma issue and looks like that was a good thing to miss! :)

[Pam713]

OP, if you don't write for a living, you should seriously consider it! I woke my husband up laughing at the comment on the toilets.

Thanks!

[wanderingfool]

Hilarious and insightful review- thank you! Can't wait to experience the ship for myself next month.

[mom2two2]

That was HILARIOUS!

 

We are on Deck 6 (mid ship) in early Jan and I am wondering if they ever said or have fixed whatever the pipe issue is. I really do not want to spend my vacation sniffing you-know-what.

[The Big Booper]

We were on the Nov TA on the Navigator and it sounds like things have gotten better. Who were the CD and Activities Director? It was Kieron and Rich-from-Trinidad on the TA.

 

Sounds like Miami Immigration and/or Customs are still messing up the disembarkation.

[Jamaicaholic]

I had thought about writing a review as we were on this cruise also but who could compare with that review?!?!!? I was also dreading the Navigator as I had read so many negative reviews. We were pleasantly surprised at the condition of the boat, quality of food, friendliness of crew...just had an awesome time with no complaints! BTW, we did self-assist debark - walked out of our cabin on 7th floor at 7:44 and was on our shuttle to FLL at 8:01. Highly recommend self-assist.

[hcat]

Great review-- we are going on this ship in late Jan--first time on this Class ship so it was a big help (& entertaining too)

 

Hope that reggae band is still on baord--what's the name?...have not had very good reggae bands recently & that'd be a real treat if they are still on the ship..

 

Did you see the ice show?..we would like to know what the gen. times are for that & how to get good seats--I understand you just line up for it..

 

How was the menu on formal night? we saw one posted someplace & thought perhaps we'd skip it--that'd mean less luggage & more ease in doing self disembark whihc we pan to try for the first time...

 

Thanks for the reports!!..

[Bosjoe]

I was on this cruise, there was no smell on deck 6 port midship.

 

This cruise was excellent and the service was great. Even one day while sitting out in front of the cafe they had a server with cookies on a tray passing them out.

 

If you leave on a saturday there might be a good chance you will see Oasis sailing next to you. I have notice no one have mentioned this on their reviews as sunday morning The Oasis was on our Port side travelling parrallel to us.

 

I did self early Disembarking. I did not have a problem I was off the ship by 6:50 and at FLL by 8am using SAS trans. I also switched my flight to an earlier one. It all worked out great. Fll was quiet but this was a thursday. On saturdays it will be a zoo at the airport.

 

 

 

That was HILARIOUS!

 

We are on Deck 6 (mid ship) in early Jan and I am wondering if they ever said or have fixed whatever the pipe issue is. I really do not want to spend my vacation sniffing you-know-what.

[danielbriere]

Gosh you people are kind. You'd give a guy a big head if he wasn't careful (to match his stomach after eating roughly the equivalent of a baby hippo in the span of five days on board). Glad you've found this insightful and entertaining, both.

Allow me to attempt to address a few of your questions and comments.

Skating Show -- Never went. Here in the north, I see enough snow and ice through the winter without voluntarily seeking out more. In fact, when we got off our plane on the way home, collected our bags and stepped outside, I nearly lost control of my bladder the blast of arctic air was so jarring. So I really can't tell you what time to get there to get good seats. However, using other shows as a guide, I'd suggest no less than 15 minutes before. As an aside, we saw the skating show previously on a different ship and while good, it wasn't as mind-blowing as everyone had said. Again, this may have simplpy been the fact that I'm in rinks all winter so it's not new. Perhaps if skating is a novelty to you, this will make you gaga. Or perhaps I hadn't consumed enough hard liquor to make the whole ship feel like it was really rocking so I'd be more impressed with the performers' ability to land jumps under terrible conditions.

Oasis -- Yes, Titanic II passed us by one day. My observations? She's big, she's white, and you wonder if anything could ever be made to be larger. Kind of like a nautical version of Kirstie Alley. Actually, I'm convinced this is part of RCI's marketing campaign to have the new crown of the fleet pass by so people get a good look and get people intrigued so they'll book a cruise. Smart, I suppose. On the flip side, I'd have been way more impressed if they'd had some of their vaunted divers pike off the Sports Deck into the sea to show what they could do.

The Band -- Don't know if they had a name. Though I've always thought a good name for a reggae band at sea would be Bob Marley and the Whalers.

Customs during disembarkation -- Let me add to my earlier post because the system truly was a head-scratcher. Perhaps some organizational genius can explain why we had to show our customs card to a guy downstairs after it'd already been stamped and approved by another guy upstairs. The second guy didn't check our bags or force us to be strip searched or anything. He just took our piece of paper and let us go. All the process did was force us to leave one long line, grab our luggage, then get into another lineup that seemed as endlessly long and painfully neverending as a Celine Dion concert. Once you've been cleared, why make everyone wait just to show they've been cleared? It's not like someone's sneaking off the ship, doing the military crawl through customs and tiptoeing out with bags. Though that would be kinda cool to see.

Cruise Director -- The guy in charge was Simeon Bakker. This was somehow appropriate since Simeon means To Be Heard, a name that fits with his rather rambling announcements, his painful jokes and his constant Austin Powers impressions that ceased being funny roughly a decade ago. That said, he seemed like a decent enough chap. All in all, I considered him much like a potato alongside your steak. Didn't make the meal great, but didn't ruin it either.

Finally (I can't believe it forgot this earlier) ...

Deck chairs -- If you are going to pick up and turn around a deck chair so it's facing the sun, go right ahead. That's what they're for. But please make sure that when you turn it, you spin it slowly and under control rather than pretending it's a speed event in the Strongman Competition and as a result, driving the front legs into the forehead of the napping passenger in the next seat. To the buffet-friendly woman in the yellow floral bikini that was strained to the point of nearly exploding, who decided that turning a chair should be done at the velocity of twirling a baton and as a result proceeded to club me like a baby seal in the arctic, be advised I still have the bruise.

I forgive you though.

Bon voyage ...