Cruising with "difficult to please" family members

[windjamming]

Wow. I hope we all go out for a beer together sometime. We have some stories to share.

 

Chatted with some friendly family members today, and the consensus is NO, way too risky.

 

We'll need to figure out Christmas still, but the cruise is out.

 

Thanks all for the insightful considerations - and I also love the "not attending every fight I'm invited to"!

[z44212]

Visiting family isn't a vacation.

 

Neither, I suspect, is cruising with them. So I'm glad you re-thought it.

 

Still, why would you want to schlep a pile of presents on and off a ship? Silliness.

[PhotoPete]

My advise: Leave her home. Why burden yourself trying to please an un pleaseable person? I have a SIL that complains about everything. I just avoid her and I am a much happier person. Enjoy your cruise.

[windjamming]

I have a fair bit of experience with this issue. My hard to please relatives are close relatives, which means that it is difficult to simply say "don't vacation" with them.

 

For example, my dad does not handle stress or change well, and can be a bear to deal with when he wants to be. He can also be nice and loving. I continue to vacation with him, but have learned to attempt to minimize the problems - plan ahead, avoid stressful situations, etc. Dad is particular about what he eats, so I check menus ahead of time to ensure there are things he will be able to eat (while still providing a variety for everyone else). Luckily, he likes having his personal travel agent, and my efforts have been rewarded with wonderful vacations with people I love.

 

I also have family that aren't happy if they do not get their way. They tend to stay home if they have to pay their own way, so that works out.

 

With all that said, to the OP, perhaps Christmas - which can be stressful in and of itself - is not the time to try this. Maybe a shorter 4 day cruise during a non-holiday will allow you to have the experience without the added holiday stressors.

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. Your dad is very lucky to have you, and the fact that you understand the big picture makes you very special. I like the idea of a shorter non-holiday cruise, but maybe let's see how Christmas goes this year. :)

[F27TW]

I suspect she keeps them

 

LOLOL! What was I thinkin?! :D

[darwinsrule]

For our very first cruise we had the 'pleasure' of sailing with my SIL. it was one of those multi-generational get togethers that included 4 days at Disney World before a 4 night cruise on the Disney Wonder. By the end of the Disney World leg we were . . . . . lets just say stressed. Came up with the perfect invention to solve the problem while we were on the cruise.

 

CEMENT MICKEY EARS.

 

Unfortunately the gift shop didn't carry the necessary supplies.:D

[jcc1025]

I love this topic. We have sailed on lots of RCCL ships and one thing we always enjoyed was being seated at big tables for dinner and meeting new people. Have made some very special friends this way. But on the other hand we have meet some people who you just can't seem to please. They b---h about everything. Sometimes I use to think that it was because of the cost of the cruise and their expectations were so high, even though the staff and ship was better than any hotel they ever stayed at. Then it occurred to me that some of these folks started this to just justify in their own mind why they were not going to tip. For whatever the reason we loved taking the opposite approach and talking about how great it was.

Comes down to some people are not going to be happy no matter what but don't let them ruin your trip, it's not your job to make them happy.

Good luck.

[beachchick]

What a shame your brother doesn't have the balls to come down hard on her and keep her ridiculous behavior in check in situations like this. She sounds like an idiot, but he is her enabler ... how sad for the rest of your family that they will miss out on a great cruise just because she;s been permitted to behave this way.

 

While that sounds reasonable at first glance, the fact is that she is an adult. Not even her husband has the right to "come down hard on her" or "keep her ridiculous behavior in check." Nor it is up to him or anyone else to "permit" her to do or not do whatever it is that she does. That's something you do with a child, not a grown woman--no matter how much of a PITA she may be. No one can force her to change. However, I do think her hubby would be smart to sit down and tell her what he observes and how he thinks it affects relationships. After that, it's up to her.

 

I had one of those types of relatives. We made the mistake of traveling with this relative more than once. It was not enjoyable to have this constant negativity and pouting if things didn't go a certain way. We had discussions in advance and had agreements in place about things like activities and together versus separate times, but that didn't happen without major hassles and frustration.

 

beachchick

[z44212]

Not even her husband has the right to "come down hard on her" or "keep her ridiculous behavior in check."

 

He also might love her with all his heart.

[babyher]

Don't expect that "difficult " friends and family members who have alwasy been a PITA are going to turn into Mary Sunshine or MR. Wonderful just because they are on a cruise .

 

Plan accordingly . Don't allow them to spoil your fun...not just on the cruise , but in life in general.

 

 

I have never been a "Yes Dear" , or "Oh that's just the way so and so is , you will never change her" kind of person. You don't have to take that crap from adults . In laws are especially tough because you are walking into a family that has put up with their BS for so long that it is Status Quo, and you are expected to just go along with it........ WRONG

[RockeyBullwinkle]

zoloft

[AussieVisi2r]

......she is an adult. Not even her husband has the right to "come down hard on her" or "keep her ridiculous behavior in check." nor it is up to him or anyone else to "permit" her to do or not do whatever it is that she does. That's something you do with a child, not a grown woman--no matter how much of a pita she may be. No one can force her to change.

 

Beachchick

 

like

[iuki]

We have cruised with a large group in the past, but not family, just friends. However, there were many different personalities involved, and since I was the 'ring leader,' I felt personally responsible (even though I shouldn't have) that everyone would have a good time. The first thing I did when organizing the trip was have a conversation with everyone explaining that this is everyone's vacation, and no one had to be in each other's hip pockets 24/7. People needed to plan what they wanted to do during the day, and then we would all meet up before dinner for cocktails and have dinner together, and then go to the show. When the show was over, everyone did their own thing--some went to the casino, some when to listen to music, some went to sleep. Sometimes we all did things together (one excursion that was a blast comes to mind,) and sometimes we spit off into smaller groups, and sometimes everyone went their own way. One one or two occasions there were some minor bumps, but they blew over fast, and at the end of the day, everyone had a great time.

 

My point is that expectations need to be laid down early on in the planning, and everyone needs to understand that they are ultimately responsible for their own good time. I think more and more large groups (family and/or friends) are traveling together, and it's a wonderful way to share a fun and memorable vacation.

 

I do hope you can pull it off. It has the potential to be a great family vacation.

 

I did the exact same thing! :) However, it doesn't always work. If there is a person that complains about anything or everything - they will. If you have a controlling person, they still try to get everyone to do what "they" want to do. :( Needless to say, I just went with the flow and only stood my ground based on what nobody could pay me to do. :D For example, I have a fear of heights and no one could get me to do ziplines or rock-climbing. :eek: Hopefully things will go well for the OP's cruise with the family. One of the relatives on one of our cruises was like traveling with Obama's crazy uncle. :eek: :o

[Doug R.]

After attending a family reunion type cookout this weekend I am once again reminded why I would never consider cruising with family members. :D

[babyher]

After attending a family reunion type cookout this weekend I am once again reminded why I would never consider cruising with family members. :D

 

 

 

 

 

*LOL*

 

 

There is a reason why the natural progression is , grow up ,finish school, get a job , move out of the house,and get your own place . :)

[tlatrice]

However, I do think her hubby would be smart to sit down and tell her what he observes and how he thinks it affects relationships. After that, it's up to her.

 

A nicer way of saying the same thing the other guy said. Someone needs to let her know she's out of line. Unfortunately, people with a 'flair for the dramatic' don't often respond to 'being sat down and talked to'. You have to 'go there' and treat them like children because, well, that's what they're acting like.

[WetToes]

I know some will not agree with this, but taping (audio/video/both) a "difficult" person and letting them see themselves as others do can sometimes bring change. I've seen it happen.

[MOSusan]

Personally, I wouldn't go on vacation with her, but that is up to you. Have you thought about just getting away with your immediate family on a Christmas cruise. Extended families are wonderful but it's perfectly ok to want to have a quiet Christmas cruise without them.

 

Two years ago I had walking pnuemonia over Christmas. I stayed home on Christmas Eve (didn't go to the in-laws) and cancelled having my family over for Christmas Day. So it was just the four of us for a quiet Christmas.

 

Best Christmas EVER!!!!!

[Raptor2010]

My wife's sister would bitch if you hung her with a new rope.

 

I thought only Texans used that saying :D

[PhoenixDawgCruising]

In my family, I AM the one that's difficult to please..that's why I make every single plan regarding any and all travel. Nobody else would dare plan anything for me, because they know I would find fault in it. (I guess that's why I've never been given a surprise party).:eek:

 

To be honest, some of us are just wired that way. For me, it won't be good enough unless I do it, so let her do it-let her make as many decisions and plans as possible, that way she has noone to blame but herself.;)

[celle]

While that sounds reasonable at first glance, the fact is that she is an adult. Not even her husband has the right to "come down hard on her" or "keep her ridiculous behavior in check." Nor it is up to him or anyone else to "permit" her to do or not do whatever it is that she does. That's something you do with a child, not a grown woman--no matter how much of a PITA she may be. No one can force her to change. However, I do think her hubby would be smart to sit down and tell her what he observes and how he thinks it affects relationships. After that, it's up to her.

 

. . . . (snipped)

 

beachchick

 

I agree that she is an adult and she is the only one who can change her behaviour. However her husband and family could encourage her to change, by not continuing to enable her bahaviour. By that, I mean don't react to her tantrums by trying to please and pacify her, walk away and leave her on her own when she is ranting (well, it works for 2-year old tantrums!), have a quiet talk with her when she is not upset and tell her that you will not be swayed by her making a huge fuss or drama.

 

My niece has a sister-in- law who is like that. This person made a huge drama out of the fact that both she and the bride's mother, by chance, had chosen outfits made of the same material.

 

Her husband enabled her behaviour, and the bride's mother was a bit upset, but the rest of the bride's side of the family ignored it. We helped the bride's mother to still enjoy the day, but the drama queen insisted on being taken home to change her dress. She ended up being the loser, because she missed most of the ceremony and the reception.

 

My niece was philosophical, commenting that " At least she lives in a different state!"

[Cruisin Moosy]

In my family, I AM the one that's difficult to please..that's why I make every single plan regarding any and all travel. Nobody else would dare plan anything for me, because they know I would find fault in it. (I guess that's why I've never been given a surprise party).:eek:

 

To be honest, some of us are just wired that way. For me, it won't be good enough unless I do it, so let her do it-let her make as many decisions and plans as possible, that way she has noone to blame but herself.;)

 

Not difficult to please, just like to make sure all bases have been covered.

 

I have planned 4 family/friend cruises and agree............involve the 'difficult' individauals in the process and all will have a great time. Keep in mind that you can't please everyone and you're on vacation! I hope you make the best decision for all involved.

[CntPAcruiser]

... so let her do it-let her make as many decisions and plans as possible, that way she has noone to blame but herself.;)

 

The problem is, while she may have no one to blame but herself, she will nonetheless make everyone else miserable if she's unhappy, regardless of who is to blame. It may alleviate some of the problem, but the problem is with her, and unless she's willing to change her attitude, it won't be pleasant being around her.

[z44212]

zoloft

 

Colt 45

 

(Either the firearm or the beverage.)

[knight6328]

I am always the one who plans all of our family vacations and the last one had 8 people. I arranged the flights, hotel rooms, and cabins. In advance we agreed on what shore excursions we wanted to do and who wanted to do them. If you didn't want to go, then you found something on your own. I have to say, there wasn't one complaint because everyone knew what to expect in advance. We had our own table and usually met up for dinner. After dinner, we all went our separate ways. Everyone had their 'own' vacation. It was great! Oh, by the way, we are all seasoned cruisers so there weren't any surprises. I had the best time with just me and my dad while everyone else was off doing something else. I had quality time with family members without planning it. We would just sort of meet and it would be spontaneous. I hope you have a good time and don't let anyone ruin it for you. :p