How do you respond?

[GaryT-UK]

And with all due respect to GaryR-UK... this sort of thing happens much more often to women than to men. If you can stand to look at the Twitter feed #YesAllWomen, you might realize why a lot of us gals get the "you're so brave" comments. Traveling alone, especially at night, is on the list of things that gets followed with "well, she was asking for it".

 

Don't apologise, I know that's a sad fact of life, and again something I've never really had to experience, so I can't really comment on that. Needless to say not all men think like that :)

[PerfectlyPerth]

I am a 45 year old female who has been travelling and cruising the world 100% solo since I was 15 and I can honestly say I have never ever experienced any of the bizarre scenerios people have mentioned here.

I have never been questioned in an airport, hotel, restaurant, ship, queue, destination - anywhere - about my solo status nor made to feel in any way different to any one else.

 

I think some people subconsciously (albeit unwillingly) invite these reactions and statements into their lives and allow their paranoia's to overtake them.

 

I travel for me - no one else. I have no need to explain my life choices to anyone who happens to be travelling in the same vicinity as me.

[vacation luvver]

I think some people subconsciously (albeit unwillingly) invite these reactions and statements into their lives and allow their paranoia's to overtake them.

I don't know if you mean me, but I have no idea how I invited those people to ask me if I was sharing a room with the cruise director. The man said that it was because he saw me go somewhere and assumed that I was going to my room, and then he saw the cruise direction coming from that direction and assumed that she was coming from her room, so we had to be sharing the same room. Because he never saw a married couple go there or come from there.

 

Or how, by sitting down at a table and saying hello, I invited a man to get up from his chair and step away from the table and look around for my friends.

 

Or how I invited people to tell me that next time, I should travel with someone because I would have more fun. I had had plenty of fun on that trip!

 

Are you saying that I'm paranoid just because people went out of their way to talk to me and trying to make me feel bad, instead of contenting themselves by giving me strange looks?

[calliopecruiser]

I don't know if you mean me, but I have no idea how I invited those people to ask me if I was sharing a room with the cruise director. The man said that it was because he saw me go somewhere and assumed that I was going to my room, and then he saw the cruise direction coming from that direction and assumed that she was coming from her room, so we had to be sharing the same room. Because he never saw a married couple go there or come from there.

 

Or how, by sitting down at a table and saying hello, I invited a man to get up from his chair and step away from the table and look around for my friends.

 

Or how I invited people to tell me that next time, I should travel with someone because I would have more fun. I had had plenty of fun on that trip!

 

Are you saying that I'm paranoid just because people went out of their way to talk to me and trying to make me feel bad, instead of contenting themselves by giving me strange looks?

 

That would be the subconcious part -- not that you did anything consciously, or even that you were aware of doing anything. It is absolutely possible for people to relay information in their manner, posture, body language, vocal tone, and general "vibe" that other people pick up on but that person does not. Then again, sometimes it's just luck of the draw.

 

Ultimately, does it matter?

[GaryT-UK]

That would be the subconcious part -- not that you did anything consciously, or even that you were aware of doing anything. It is absolutely possible for people to relay information in their manner, posture, body language, vocal tone, and general "vibe" that other people pick up on but that person does not. Then again, sometimes it's just luck of the draw.

 

Ultimately, does it matter?

 

 

I think that's a very interesting insight. But maybe if it does matter to you then that also changes your perception. As someone reading this without any more facts the first example sounds malicious, the 2nd a jest, whilst the 3rd sound like well meaning busy bodies. Yet to the person affected they all carried equal weight of making her feel targeted for being on her own. So maybe it does depend on how highly you value other people's good opinion (however consciously). I know I say I don't care, but deep down I'd hate thinking people (even strangers) had a bad opinion of me. Then again I'd still carry on regardless.

[Cuizer2]

Here's another question for all you seasoned solos? How do you handle the 'looks' from people when you're standing in that long, long, long line to check in? Or even worse if they ask you why you are all by yourself?

The cruise itself wouldn't bother me at all but I have to admit, the standing in line by myself sort of intimidates me. :(

 

The only issue I have every had is being asked by the customs guy why I was alone. The question was insulting and I didn't take kindly to it. However, these are not people to argue with. I simply said because I was not married. That put an end to it.

[Mytime2014]

The only issue I have every had is being asked by the customs guy why I was alone. The question was insulting and I didn't take kindly to it. However, these are not people to argue with. I simply said because I was not married. That put an end to it.

 

Customs guy probably thought he was paying you a compliment....:rolleyes:

 

I don't travel much at all - I have my long weekends at the coast during the fall full moon, fly alone occasionally, but I go out to dinner alone a lot. I never feel out of place - I'm treating myself, take the kindle or just sit and people watch [not staring I hope!] I avoid direct eye contact, or acknowledge people with a smile/nod and never feel out of place. I also keep a book/kindle or my [small project] knitting in my hands for lines

The only comments I've had were lucky you, wish I could do that, what are you reading, is that knitting or crochet my [mom, grandma, aunt, etc] used to do that. The rudest comment was - isn't that [knitting] for old people?!!!

[KruzPrincess]

To the OP, I've never had a problem or felt self-conscious standing in line alone. It never crossed my mind. I'd done a lot of land travel alone before I started cruising solo. Even when I traveled with friends we were often flying in separately and would check in alone. It has never bothered me at all.

 

As for people saying things, I just think some people could be rude whether I was with someone or alone. Some people are just curious. Some people are envious. On my last cruise, I met several people through CC and we all had a few meals together. At the first one, there were actually three of us traveling solo! Others were asking us about it and I said that I love my friends, but they just can't cruise as much as I do for one reason or another. I told them that I was LUCKY enough to get to cruise and wasn't going to stay home because others couldn't go. I just noticed that one of those people has now booked their first solo cruise. They said they wanted to try it and now they are! Sometimes at lunch in the MDR I get the questions about traveling alone and I tell them how lucky I am. Most people nod that they think it's great. Once in awhile I get someone who doesn't get it, but maybe it gives them something to think about. I am very lucky and I'm glad I get to do what I do.

[hal lover]

I have cruised 3 times as a solo. No one ever made me feel bad. Yes, they are curious, and yes, even a bit jealous. I've had couples want to include me in their activities and I had to tell them that I am traveling solo because I wanted to spend some time just for me. I'm sure that there are people who could not ever be comfortable with only themselves and I respect that. I expect others to respect alone time too.

[tgmtgm]

Here's another question for all you seasoned solos? How do you handle the 'looks' from people when you're standing in that long, long, long line to check in? Or even worse if they ask you why you are all by yourself?

The cruise itself wouldn't bother me at all but I have to admit, the standing in line by myself sort of intimidates me. :(

 

I tend to reply- I'm checking in alone, but will be meeting up onboard with a very wealthy divorcé who has compensated me handsomely for my "companionship". That gets the tongues a wagging! :D

 

 

Tony

Edited June 1, 2014 by tgmtgm

[vacation luvver]

That would be the subconcious part -- not that you did anything consciously, or even that you were aware of doing anything. It is absolutely possible for people to relay information in their manner, posture, body language, vocal tone, and general "vibe" that other people pick up on but that person does not.

Okay, then I would appreciate if you could suggest something that I did subconsciously or relayed in my manner, posture, body language, vocal tone, or vibe that implied that I was sharing a room with the cruise director. I hardly ever saw the cruise director, meaning that I did not act buddy-buddy with her. And the man with his wife never said that it was the way I acted. It was just that he saw me going in some direction once and saw her coming from that direction another time and concluded that we were roommates.

 

And when I sat down at the table and said hello to the people sitting nearby and did not crane my neck and look around for the friends who were supposed to be joining me, how did I give the impression that I was with other people, so that that man felt obligated to get up from his chair and move away from the table and look around for my friends? What vibe and body language did I send out?

 

As for the people who told me that next time I should travel with someone else, because it's much more fun that way, I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were just mean-spirited nosy busybodies instead of picking up on some vibe I was sending out. Because I had a great time on that trip!

 

So please tell me how I gave the impression that I was rooming with the cruise director, and I'll make sure it never happens again.

[calliopecruiser]

So please tell me how I gave the impression that I was rooming with the cruise director, and I'll make sure it never happens again.

 

I assume you know that's a preposterous question, since I wasn't there. I don't know you. I don't know what happened, I'm just proposing a possibility and illustrating how sometimes we affect our environment in ways we cannot know.

 

Why is it so important to you that a group of strangers agree with your assessment that people were unnecessarily rude to you? What's keeping you from moving on?

[Lois R]

I tend to reply- I'm checking in alone, but will be meeting up onboard with a very wealthy divorcé who has compensated me handsomely for my "companionship". That gets the tongues a wagging! :D

 

 

Tony

 

Hi Tony:D.....lol.....too funny;):):D

[PerfectlyPerth]

I don't know if you mean me, but I have no idea how I invited those people to ask me if I was sharing a room with the cruise director. The man said that it was because he saw me go somewhere and assumed that I was going to my room, and then he saw the cruise direction coming from that direction and assumed that she was coming from her room, so we had to be sharing the same room. Because he never saw a married couple go there or come from there.

 

Or how, by sitting down at a table and saying hello, I invited a man to get up from his chair and step away from the table and look around for my friends.

 

Or how I invited people to tell me that next time, I should travel with someone because I would have more fun. I had had plenty of fun on that trip!

 

Are you saying that I'm paranoid just because people went out of their way to talk to me and trying to make me feel bad, instead of contenting themselves by giving me strange looks?

 

Wow - when you jump on a post and reply like that you really are revealing your own paranoia's !! I said "some people" meaning "some people on this planet". I did not say "the OP".

 

That would be the subconcious part -- not that you did anything consciously, or even that you were aware of doing anything. It is absolutely possible for people to relay information in their manner, posture, body language, vocal tone, and general "vibe" that other people pick up on but that person does not. Then again, sometimes it's just luck of the draw.

 

Ultimately, does it matter?

 

Exactly - as I said - subconciously and unwillingly. That says far more about the person that its happening to and less about the supposed perpetrators. Perception of the event taking place is in the eye of the person feeling those feelings. And yes - exactly - does it really matter in the grand scheme of things. Who spends their life worrying about what total strangers think about them or say to them. Live and let live !!!

[tgmtgm]

Hi Tony:D.....lol.....too funny;):):D

 

Hi Lois! :D

 

Tony

[tgmtgm]

Okay, then I would appreciate if you could suggest something that I did subconsciously or relayed in my manner, posture, body language, vocal tone, or vibe that implied that I was sharing a room with the cruise director. I hardly ever saw the cruise director, meaning that I did not act buddy-buddy with her. And the man with his wife never said that it was the way I acted. It was just that he saw me going in some direction once and saw her coming from that direction another time and concluded that we were roommates.

 

And when I sat down at the table and said hello to the people sitting nearby and did not crane my neck and look around for the friends who were supposed to be joining me, how did I give the impression that I was with other people, so that that man felt obligated to get up from his chair and move away from the table and look around for my friends? What vibe and body language did I send out?

 

As for the people who told me that next time I should travel with someone else, because it's much more fun that way, I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were just mean-spirited nosy busybodies instead of picking up on some vibe I was sending out. Because I had a great time on that trip!

 

So please tell me how I gave the impression that I was rooming with the cruise director, and I'll make sure it never happens again.

 

 

See now if I had been bombarded with those questions/observations, I would have turned the tables on them. I would have replied- the cruise director?- oh I could do so much better than that! Travel with friends?- they're all deadbeats without pots to pee in!

 

Don't let the morons rain on your parade. I'm not saying you did or said anything to merit what was conveyed to you by ignorant people. I'm just advocating that a non chalant attitude mixed in with a dash of humor, is a great solution! ;)

 

Tony

[Valen9]

I tend to reply- I'm checking in alone, but will be meeting up onboard with a very wealthy divorcé who has compensated me handsomely for my "companionship". That gets the tongues a wagging! :D

 

 

Tony

 

I like this one! Can I steal it for next time someone gets too inquisitive?

 

For a couple of months I had to walk around with casts on both of my forearms. I got asked SO MANY TIMES about that (from total strangers) that eventually I said "because the last time someone asked me that, I hit them with my cast." There are some people who are just really nosy for no apparent reason.

[vacation luvver]

Wow - when you jump on a post and reply like that you really are revealing your own paranoia's !! I said "some people" meaning "some people on this planet". I did not say "the OP".

I have absolutely no idea what you mean by this. If it makes any difference, I am NOT the OP.

 

I'm not saying you did or said anything to merit what was conveyed to you by ignorant people. I'm just advocating that a non chalant attitude mixed in with a dash of humor, is a great solution! ;)

You're absolutely right! The point I was trying to make was that I hate it when people soothe those who worry about people giving them strange looks or acting rudely towards them by saying, 'But that NEVER happens! People are too busy thinking about themselves to be wondering why you're alone. And if anyone says anything to you, I bet it's because they're jealous of you."

 

I was just trying to point out that sometimes people go out of their way to be rude to solo travelers, and there's nothing you can do about it, except ignore it or make a joke or be rude in return. But don't pretend it never happens!

[SASSYnLV]

Here's another question for all you seasoned solos? How do you handle the 'looks' from people when you're standing in that long, long, long line to check in? Or even worse if they ask you why you are all by yourself?

The cruise itself wouldn't bother me at all but I have to admit, the standing in line by myself sort of intimidates me. :(

 

 

I've cruised solo numerous times...and have been asked if I'm travelling alone.

Being an x-New York/New Jersey woman...I would really like to say...it's none of your business...however..I answer...well, none of my friends have the time nor money and this cruise is on my bucket list of things to do. Do I stay home because of them?

I'm a young senior...and it riles me to no end, that people can now say whatever is on their tiny little mind and (think) they can get away with it.

[crusinpsychRN]

I've been on ships and been told there were only 7 solo cruisers. The other 2900 might naturally assume everyone is with someone even if you aren't sharing a cabin. Most of them have never travelled for pleasure as solos and don't 'get' it.

 

I simply like to answer, "try it, you'll love it!"

[cdngrl]

I cruise solo all the time, and have never had anyone question with malice.

I do get the you're so brave comment. I open my arms and point at the ship and say 'how brave is this?'.

people are curious, if I'd been asked if I was sharing a room with the cruise director I would have said 'no way, I like the bed and bath to myself, why do you ask?'. I choose to believe they really thought that and were curious. I don't see it as being mean at all.

if I sat with someone who got up to look around I would have shrugged and said 'nope, I'm not lying, its just me, don't be jealous'.

I may be naïve, but i choose to smile and tease and not get my knickers in a knot.

I'm sorry vacation luvver that these people's behaviour upset you. it wouldn't have been an issue for me but i understand its not easy to be less sensitive.

tony, you're hilarious!

[vacation luvver]

But those people's behaviors DIDN'T upset me! I was just trying to point out to all of you that it's inaccurate to say that no one will notice that you're alone, or if they look at you, all they do is look, and maybe because they're jealous of you. I was trying to show you that that isn't the case, that there are some people who go out of their way to be mean and make solo travelers uncomfortable.

 

The point is that I was not in need of snappy comebacks. The point is that some people go out of their way to be rude and it's silly to stick your head in the sand and pretend that it doesn't happen.

[Valen9]

But those people's behaviors DIDN'T upset me! I was just trying to point out to all of you that it's inaccurate to say that no one will notice that you're alone, or if they look at you, all they do is look, and maybe because they're jealous of you.

 

Do you have any advice for the OP as to what to do if something like that should happen to her?

[KruzPrincess]

But those people's behaviors DIDN'T upset me! I was just trying to point out to all of you that it's inaccurate to say that no one will notice that you're alone, or if they look at you, all they do is look, and maybe because they're jealous of you. I was trying to show you that that isn't the case, that there are some people who go out of their way to be mean and make solo travelers uncomfortable.

 

The point is that I was not in need of snappy comebacks. The point is that some people go out of their way to be rude and it's silly to stick your head in the sand and pretend that it doesn't happen.

 

It's good to be honest about your experience. We all view things differently and people come here to hear different points of view. It's too bad that you had negative experiences, but you dealt with it. In my own experience, people are more curious than rude about cruising solo. I have run into some rude people, but I think they were rude in general and it didn't have anything to do with me cruising alone.

[runner2013]

Wow,

Didn't realize my curiosity would stir up a firestorm of debate among all you solo cruisers!

I'm the OP and wasn't trying to start any trouble or hard feelings, just looking to pick some brains is all:D.

I definately appreciate all the input from everyone. Makes me stop and think about things from a new perspective.

I will say this though.. No matter what type of reactions I may get from strangers -good or bad- they will NOT stop me from cruising or doing anything else I choose to just because I can't find someone else to come along. As far as the looks/comments go, i'll do my best to roll with it.

Life is way to short for anything else.:eek: