19 Things I Have Learned From Cruise Critic

[ithaca gal]

I hope that you will always have your pen in hand when your tongue is in cheek!

[erewhon]

Welcome to Cruise Critic.

 

Wishing you a marvellous Alaskan cruise.

 

On which ship are you sailing?

[Boytjie]

Grasshopper, you still have so much to learn...

 

About snagging (some call it hogging) those prime loungers by the Lido pool.

 

Or booking a cabin on the port side so you (maybe) get some views of the ports you visit.

 

Have you not learnt anything about tipping?

 

Or getting your bottle of East German Ice Wine Coolers onboard?

 

And remember to slip your cabin steward a fiver the first time you see him to make sure you get enough ice (to melt) so you can refill your water bottle).

 

I don't think you are quite ready to get on a DAM ship!

Edited April 17, 2015 by Boytjie

[sail7seas]

I hope that you will always have your pen in hand when your tongue is in cheek!

 

Great !!! Love this message.

 

[serendipity1499]

Laughing out loud!!!:D:D:D

 

Thanks for the fun post & hope you & Mrs. Fizzer have a wonderful cruise!

[pv girl]

I can only hope that someday you and POA1 can be on the same cruise - what a review that would be!

 

Don't forget to complain about the small portions of food served in the MDR at dinner. After all, you don't want to get too hungry on the cruise. The breakfast and lunch buffets, poolside afternoon burgers, dogs, tacos, pizza, ice cream cones, and tea service, will make you ravenous by dinner, and if they don't serve enough courses you will have to hit the late-night buffet to fill up. Or resort to 24 hour room service.

[themerle]

Now you've started something....something really funny!!!!! I'm loving it! I'll be watching for more of your post! Enjoy your Alaskan cruise and be sure to write a review of it.

[Sir PMP]

I love it, you're right on!

[nana51]

I can hardly wait for your review when you come back. I do know you realize there are a lot of wonderful things about HAL or we wouldn't keep sailing her dam ships. Enjoy your cruise. You only have to unpack once!:)

[Rowsby]

Too funny.....and so right on......:)

[Fizzer59]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and warm welcome. I seem to have made a rod for my own back with regards to expectations for future posts that I'm not sure I can live up to.

.

Sail7seas can rest assured that not all on CC was negative by a long chalk. I learned lots of truly useful things as well and I know I have lots more to learn yet. But all those things I truly did learn here.

 

Erewhon we will be on the Zaandam May 17,from Vancouver to Seward, followed by 4 days in Anchorage (and the Coastal train from Seward).I did put my foot down a little you see with regards to at least some independent travel. Just don't tell Mrs Fizzer I said that because she has no idea that it actually wasn't her idea but the result of a cunning plan.

 

I would hate anyone to think that my prior prejudices against cruising included a judgement on cruisers as individuals. I have been blissfully ignorant of that large gap in my skill set that I intend to work diligently to put right. It has purely reflected a preference to spend time immersing myself in the local culture wherever possible and that takes time that cruising may not allow.

 

In Curacao, for example, there is a terrific family restaurant called Jaanchies at the extreme west end of the island that does local food hard to find elsewhere, such as iguana stew, which is delicious I might say. It actually does taste like chicken , but chicken with fish bones in it. I worry that cruising may not allow us the time to find places such as that, although I suspect iguana might be hard to find in Alaska even with a longer time in port.

 

Nonetheless, the remoteness of the ports in Alaska makes cruising perfect and we're looking forwards to it tremendously. I was personally disappointed, however, to find that what I thought would be All Inclusive isn't because the booze isn't included. Darn....The one time I don't have to drive, with the added bonus that I could tell Mrs Fizzer that I was staggering because the ship was moving and ill because I was seasick (or had norovirus).

 

I'm also fully expecting to put on lots of weight and I'm already starving myself to ensure that I've got enough room to expand into my shirts over the length of the cruise, while keeping all of the buttons intact until the second formal night at least. I have 4 weeks or so to lose another stone ( that's 14 lbs to those of you who never had the opportunity to spend more than port day in the land of my birth..... or chose to stay on board for the spa discount).

 

BTW what is all that on the HAL site about European cruises. Southampton not only is not London folks but it's nowhere near ( at least in British terms) but that's a whole other story.

[Fizzer59]

Grasshopper, you still have so much to learn...

 

About snagging (some call it hogging) those prime loungers by the Lido pool.

 

Or booking a cabin on the port side so you (maybe) get some views of the ports you visit.

 

Have you not learnt anything about tipping?

 

Or getting your bottle of East German Ice Wine Coolers onboard?

 

And remember to slip your cabin steward a fiver the first time you see him to make sure you get enough ice (to melt) so you can refill your water bottle).

 

I don't think you are quite ready to get on a DAM ship!

 

Are we allowed to post video links because if so I can show you a masterclass in the fine art of snagging loungers.

[SteveH2508]

Hilarious post, but your timing is perfect.

All the dour, solemn, killjoy, curmudgeons that would find nothing funny about your post, are all on cruises right now.:)

 

Doubtless recharging their grumble batteries...:rolleyes:

[Elorac123]

Hi Fizzer, so well done, wish we were on the same cruise, you and my husband would be a good pair you share the same dry humour and I am sure there are many who will ask you to be at their dinner table

Happy travels

[POA1]

Excellent post, Fizzer. Thank you!

[Ky Colonel]

... my hat's off to you, Mr Fizzer - very clever and welcome post!!! On a "serious" note (he says grinning broadly), shouldn't the word "disavow" in #13 be "disabuse"?

 

Welcome to CC and HAL. I hope you and Mrs Fizzer have a great cruise and come back to HAL many times in the future.

 

Good cheer and smooth sailing,

 

Rod

[LuvSushi]

After reading that horrible formal wear "discussion," this was so much fun to read. Thanks! :D

 

My DH also loves independent travel, and never wanted to see Alaska via ship; but we went last August (first Princess cruise) and had a great time. Definitely need to go back and see more of that beautiful state, and that we will do on our own.

[Fizzer59]

... my hat's off to you, Mr Fizzer - very clever and welcome post!!! On a "serious" note (he says grinning broadly), shouldn't the word "disavow" in #13 be "disabuse"?

 

Welcome to CC and HAL. I hope you and Mrs Fizzer have a great cruise and come back to HAL many times in the future.

 

Good cheer and smooth sailing,

 

Rod

 

Touché. :eek:Good catch that man. I disavow myself of that error.

 

20. I have learned that I need to stop using words that I think I know the meaning of when I really don't if I don't want to embrasure myself.

[kakalina]

:D Thanks, I needed a good smile today.

[Ky Colonel]

... great response!!! And thank you again for brightening up CC ...

 

Rod

[sail7seas]

Touché. :eek:Good catch that man. I disavow myself of that error.

 

20. I have learned that I need to stop using words that I think I know the meaning of when I really don't if I don't want to embrasure myself.

 

Welcome to CC/HAL.

Happy you found us. :)

 

 

[Avril]

As such I have learned a lot from CC and thought I would share with you what it is that I have learned.

 

 

Please note this is tongue in cheek and not intended to offend.

 

 

1. We won't be able to enjoy the verandah because of clouds of carcinogenic smoke coming from all of our neighbours.

2. We won't be able to enjoy our cabin because we are at the front of the ship and will be tossed up and down incessantly because of the waves.

3. We won't be able to sleep because of the noise of the elevators ( near our cabin) and the chairs being slid backwards and forwards on the deck above.

4. We won't be able to enjoy the buffet because it's dirty, crowded and we'll probably get a noroviral infection anyway. This negates number 3 because it's hard to sleep while throwing up, although it may be exacerbated by number 2.

5. When we do leave the cabin we will be judged based upon what we choose to wear and possibly the vomit stains on our clothing. In fact we will be judged on our manners and many other intangibles. ( The clipboard under the bed is for scoring our fellow passengers and there is a $300 OBC for correctly identifying the rudest/ messiest/most annoying passenger(s) each day).

6. That we will need to bring ear defenders to protect ourselves from assault by the Screaming HalCats. The jury is still out on whether we will need to wear these in our cabin or merely when within 150 feet of the aforesaid ( dare I say it ) entertainers.

7.That the shows aren't worth seeing, the movies are old and the only TV worth watching is a map showing the ship's slowly changing position.

8. That if we do get out of our cabin and are allowed into the MDR, we will enjoy the food, but not as much as if we'd eaten it several years ago before Carnival took over ownership.

9. If we leave our cabin and it is a formal night we should be prepared for laser beam eyes and tsts tsts because I am only wearing a lounge suit.

10. I shall never, nay never, join my wife in a line up anywhere and should join the rear of the queue. Even if I just want a spoon.

11. I should never line up in the Lido anyway ( see no 4 ).

12. That the special sauce at the Dive In isn't that special.

13. I am not special either and if I thought otherwise the fact that I am invited to neither the Mariner's lunch nor post embarkation lunch in the MDR should disavow me of that thought.

14. The Indonesian crew is really nice but the officers are rude and unfriendly and that navigating a large vessel filled with passengers through iceberg infested waters, in inclement weather, sometimes in the dark, is not an excuse for failing to attend whatever social event somebody thought he should be at.

15. That if I could really afford it I wouldn't have been on HAL anyway.

16. Apparently we will be spring chickens in our mid 50's and we may not be able to enjoy anywhere on the ship because we won't be able to get out of the cabin because of all the walkers.

17. That HAL is cheapening the experience all around.

18. That it could be worse. I could have chosen Carnival, or even worse yet NCL.

19. That I am going to have a great time.

 

LOL, love it, you are hilarious!! :D Nice to see someone able to joke around at all the complaints we see on here instead of believeing them and/or adding to them. Number 13 pretty much made my day, "I am not special" is something I think a lot of cruisers (on every line) need to remember. Loved #s 1-4 as well. The only one that is absolutely, completely true is # 19, you sure will have a great time!! :D

Edited April 17, 2015 by Avril

[Faie]

I absolutely laughed out loud,and had to share! I know where you are coming/going from! Seriously thou, we are soon boarding HAL in Florida and have been on four others, I have been reading these forums for a long time and have found that these are my holidays and I enjoy them my way and don't take a lot of the comments seriously at all. Enjoy and do give us a review when you return. :):)

[ijsprinses]

So funny and recognizable! (we're also looking forward to our first hal cruise in july and I'm spending hours on this forum). Don't forget to bring an extra suitcase for your tablecloth (breakfast on the verandah), magnets, rum runners, adapters, night lamps and alarm clock...:)

[envy4u]

Very funny and oddly insightful :D