Wedding cruise isn't going as planned

[Cruisin' Chick]

Oy. Okay, I agree with the poster who suggested that if you want a cruise-oriented wedding, and many of those you want to invite live on the west coast...then look at a cruise out of a west coast port. Especially if it's within driving distance.

 

I would never want anyone to feel they are forced to go to my wedding and make them feel bad about it (which is what I get from your first post). Maybe someone's been on a cruise before and had a bad experience. Maybe flying is out for them (to the east coast). Maybe they can't take off several days that would be needed to travel to the embarkation port, be on the cruise, and then fly back.

 

And yes, it's important to have the wedding you want but if your hubby to be has a whole different idea, you two need to get together and work out a practical compromise. You don't want to start the marriage out on a bad note, right?

 

And don't rule out Los Angeles. I don't know what the costs are for reserving a space on the beach (of course in January, it's not exactly beach weather and could actually be rainy). But there are plenty of venues that are doable, and maybe some are pretty reasonable (some parks would rent out a large room, just look on the City of LA website if you're in this area, or check out San Diego or other cities' facilities). Come up with an easy to get to area for those you want to invite, and go on the cruise for your honeymoon by yourselves. Then invite your father or anyone else for a future cruise.

 

The rule of thumb is usually the bride, the bride's family, or the couple (if they've been working and can afford it) is to pay for the ceremony. You don't usually go to the groom's family unless they have offered, if they are the ones who can afford to treat you.

 

After we got engaged, my mother came to me with an idea for a venue (it was a party place in Sherman Oaks...unfortunately no longer in operation) that had a package deal (reception meal, photographer, a limo for us to take us to our preflight hotel, music, invitations, etc.). My future MIL was thrilled as her temple sisterhood often had functions there. I had a few demands -- I insisted on what I considered "nonsexist" language on the invitations with my mother's and MIL's first names instead of Mr. and Mrs. David ----, etc. I insisted on no "Hot Hot Hot" (was already sick on hearing too many times on carnival cruises:rolleyes:) at the reception. Our biggest problem was the officiating rabbi (my hubby's bar mitzvah one) who had a problem with the place as he had a long-standing feud over Koshering with the owner -- my MIL, who you didn't mess with, stepped in and brokered a temporary truce.

 

We did invite some far away relatives -- some of hubby's actually came (I'm guessing some ended up staying at the in laws). I don't think any of my far relatives did, but that was fine with me -- I understood and didn't expect any reasons. Most of my guests -- co-workers, parents' friends, etc. -- came from the LA environs. And I think many had a great time, even though some couldn't make it at the last minute because a flu epidemic was going around.

 

And even though, there were times I had suggested to hubby to be that we elope to Vegas and find ourselves an Elvis-impersonating rabbi, we stayed with the plan. Got through the day. Had a great time honeymooning in Hawaii, even though my allergies popped up as well as the mosquitoes eating me alive. And this November, will be our 20th anniversary.

 

So my advice is to try to be realistic, and get your fiance on board with something doable and simple. Don't expect your desired guests to have to scrimp and save to come to your wedding. Maybe google wedding and reception ideas and you might hit on something that both of you like. Then go away, just the two of you for your honeymoon. Don't combine the wedding and the trip. And if some of the relatives can't make it to the ceremony, don't take it personally.

[SPacificbound]

Your dad is very important to you, and you said your dad and your sister will go on the cruise. FH dad and stepmother will go on the cruise. You each have a parent you love that will be there. In the grand scheme of things there isn't really anything else that is that important.

 

Take a deep breath and put aside all of the rest of it, because in the end it's not

worth the stress , anger, hard feelings etc. Just let it go.

 

Five, ten, twenty years from now what you will remember is that your dad and your sister were there with you on the cruise where you got married.

 

If you could spend $50,000. on your wedding, five, ten, twenty years from now what you would remember is your dad was there. You won't remember all the stuff that the money bought for that one day/night.

 

JMHO

[kelkel2]

I think you have to decide what is important to you.

Do you want a small intimate wedding with just a few people or the whole shebang? Family is important to me and I wouldn't want to get married without my parents present. That being said, many many people do weddings on the beach and then come home and do a larger reception for friends who couldn't make it.

However, I can understand how people could possibly be freaking out and not be able to make it. Cruises are not cheap, neither is airfare, and they are time consuming. You are relying on people being able to not only afford a week long cruise, but the airfare, and get at least a week off of work. For a lot of people that's not always possible.

If it were me, I would save the cruise for the honeymoon. I would do a small intimate wedding, family/very close friends. That's a great way to keep the budget down. It doesn't have to be at a banquet hall.

[Isthisreallife]

For anyone who assumed the worst of me. I am sorry that you feel that way. For everyone else who was trying to help give guidance and counsel, thank you. I don't think I need to explain all of my life situations to everyone on cruise message board. But I am not going to lie, the way I felt attacked earlier, hurt a lot. It took a lot to compose myself after nolatravelgirl's post, I really re-evaluated my decision to ask for any input. I assumed that there were people on this board who might have gone through similar situations as me. I know I am not the first person to do a destination wedding. I am not the first to go on a cruise. Which led me to believe that there were other people with some stories to share.

 

The reason why we chose Miami is because of the cruise to the Caribbean. We are contemplation just eloping and letting his Dad and stepmother keep the gift of the Jr. Suite. We never asked for anyone to give money to our wedding. That's why we had such a low budget to begin with. We aren't getting any help. (Besides the offer to pay for the suite which was unexpected and appreciated) We know that we have family who doesn't have a lot of money. But I am you sure some of you have family that doesn't have money but that doesn't stop you from asking them to go to a family reunion? Those cost money too. But when it involves having memories with family, sometimes it's worth it. And maybe sometimes it's not.

 

We have and will consider switching to to maybe a Mexico cruise so that people can afford the travel. And maybe for the people who can't afford the cruise, then we can do a wedding at the Port of call.

 

It's not easy trying to do this. We have family in 3 states and no one is coming from money. So this doesn't come easy. And the decision did not come lightly. We really contemplated how to do this so that we could have the people we loved most at this event. I already have enough guilt over my decisions. I am not perfect. We are trying. I am sorry if anyone thinks that a couple who has been together for as long as we have, doesn't deserve as fun or exciting of a wedding as someone who has only been together for 2 years. I am sorry that you think my budget is my problem because I don't have a stack of credit cards that I can hide my debts on. That keeping my business going is more important to me than sinking it so I can pay for everyone to attend my wedding.

 

It used to be that weddings were simple and that family did help the bride and groom afford even the simplest of ceremonies so that they could get on their feet and on to the next chapter in their life. I do think weddings have grown in price and If I had to chose over a lavish wedding so my guests felt taken care of or say...... a down payment on a house. I would chose the house. And last but not least.... it used to be an honor being invited to a wedding. To know you were part of something special in the new couples life. And maybe if the new couple needed some help, that's what friends and family were there for. But I truly feel as though there is this expectancy with certain people that somehow, my wedding had to be turned into a circus of the "next and best" just to make sure my guest were happy. When, I guess I thought they would've been happy attending my wedding even if it was in a back yard with frank and beans over a log fire.

[Isthisreallife]

I keep wanting to hit a "Like" button on some of these posts. ;D I am totally new this this site and being on a message board so please forgive me for not responding to every post. I am learning. ;D

Edited July 17, 2015 by Isthisreallife

[sail7seas]

 

[snip>

 

And last but not least.... it used to be an honor being invited to a wedding. To know you were part of something special in the new couples life. And maybe if the new couple needed some help, that's what friends and family were there for. But I truly feel as though there is this expectancy with certain people that somehow, my wedding had to be turned into a circus of the "next and best" just to make sure my guest were happy. When, I guess I thought they would've been happy attending my wedding even if it was in a back yard with frank and beans over a log fire.

 

 

 

I know this probably isn't relevant but you triggered a memory when you said it used to be an honor to be invited to a wedding.

 

It was years ago, a beautiful Saturday afternoon in mid summer and my late DH and I were waiting in the receiving line to congratulate the bride and groom/their parents. My DH was chatting with the man standing behind us who was grumbling he was annoyed he wasn't on the golf course but had to come to this wedding because his wife worked with either the bride or groom. I was shocked for someone to say such a thing and looked at him. He added that they can plan the great big bashes, spend a ton of money and what do they have if no one comes to their party? He felt as though he had done THEm the favor to attend and hoped to be thanked for coming. :)

 

 

The 'honor' of him being invited and his wife insisting they attend cost him an afternoon he wanted to be enjoying outside playing golf with his wife, a gift, perhaps new suit/shirt or whatever.

 

I never forgot that man making those comments.

 

Edited July 17, 2015 by sail7seas

[Isthisreallife]

For anyone who assumed the worst of me. I am sorry that you feel that way. For everyone else who was trying to help give guidance and counsel, thank you. I don't think I need to explain all of my life situations to everyone on cruise message board. But I am not going to lie, the way I felt attacked earlier, hurt a lot. It took a lot to compose myself after nolatravelgirl's post, I really re-evaluated my decision to ask for any input. I assumed that there were people on this board who might have gone through similar situations as me. I know I am not the first person to do a destination wedding. I am not the first to go on a cruise. Which led me to believe that there were other people with some stories to share.

 

The reason why we chose Miami is because of the cruise to the Caribbean. We are contemplation just eloping and letting his Dad and stepmother keep the gift of the Jr. Suite. We never asked for anyone to give money to our wedding. That's why we had such a low budget to begin with. We aren't getting any help. (Besides the offer to pay for the suite which was unexpected and appreciated) We know that we have family who doesn't have a lot of money. But I am you sure some of you have family that doesn't have money but that doesn't stop you from asking them to go to a family reunion? Those cost money too. But when it involves having memories with family, sometimes it's worth it. And maybe sometimes it's not.

 

We have and will consider switching to to maybe a Mexico cruise so that people can afford the travel. And maybe for the people who can't afford the cruise, then we can do a wedding at the Port of call.

 

It's not easy trying to do this. We have family in 3 states and no one is coming from money. So this doesn't come easy. And the decision did not come lightly. We really contemplated how to do this so that we could have the people we loved most at this event. I already have enough guilt over my decisions. I am not perfect. We are trying. I am sorry if anyone thinks that a couple who has been together for as long as we have, doesn't deserve as fun or exciting of a wedding as someone who has only been together for 2 years. I am sorry that you think my budget is my problem because I don't have a stack of credit cards that I can hide my debts on. That keeping my business going is more important to me than sinking it so I can pay for everyone to attend my wedding.

 

It used to be that weddings were simple and that family did help the bride and groom afford even the simplest of ceremonies so that they could get on their feet and on to the next chapter in their life. I do think weddings have grown in price and If I had to chose over a lavish wedding so my guests felt taken care of or say...... a down payment on a house. I would chose the house. And last but not least.... it used to be an honor being invited to a wedding. To know you were part of something special in the new couples life. And maybe if the new couple needed some help, that's what friends and family were there for. But I truly feel as though there is this expectancy with certain people that somehow, my wedding had to be turned into a circus of the "next and best" just to make sure my guest were happy. When, I guess I thought they would've been happy attending my wedding even if it was in a back yard with frank and beans over a log fire.

I just really want to say thank you for all of the kind words. There are some of you on here who really heard us. You understood that weddings are not easy no matter how you try and pull it off. Thank you. Thank you Thank you. ;D

 

We have asked ourselves so many times if we were doing the right thing. We have some people saying " it's your wedding, do it" and others had the reaction of "you did this on purpose" We didn't. We really thought there was something so special about this. We thought everyone else would see it to. Some did. Some didn't. You will never win them all.

[bethco]

Any wedding that involves travel will be difficult to do for some people no matter where you have it. I say this from the perspective of a mother whose daughter got married a month ago.

 

You just need to decide where you want to get married and what you can afford within that realm and accept the fact there will be many people who are either can't or won't be able to travel to the wedding. You cannot possibly make everyone happy so don't even try. Just do the best you can with what the cards dealt. The travel for a family really adds up quickly: flights, rental cars, hotels, time off from work. A week long cruise may be more than most people can do time wise. If one of my nieces were to get married on a week long cruise, there is no way that DH would be able to go or either on our girls. They cannot take that amount of time away from work or school. Even with 9 months of notice, it wouldn't change the school calendar or the fact that vacation days are limited and could result in having to take time off without pay.

 

Good luck to you. Weddings are stressful. Wedding planning is stressful. It doesn't have to be perfect. I don't mean to be coming down on you. I just wanted to point out the fact that the money for that kind of trip isn't always the only issue.

[bakersdozen12]

I think you need to think about what you are really asking of them. Essentially you are asking them to let you plan their next vacation that they've worked hard all year for (you are picking the when and the where). You are not asking them to simply give up a weekend day or even a whole weekend, but an entire week. Then there's the fact that it might not be possible for everyone to get the time off from work anyway.

 

Secondly, as at least one other person has pointed out, you are essentially asking them to pay for your wedding. Because the reality is that a normal wedding would be something that you (or your parents) would pay for, but now you are asking them to spend thousands of dollars to attend your wedding. Remember, whatever the initial cost is of the cruise itself is, there are always additional costs that really add up.

 

I mean this in the very kindest of ways: from what you have described, this doesn't seem like a good option for you, your family and your friends. I do wish you the best of luck and I'm sure that you will think of something more suitable. I don't think you are being selfish, as this clearly is something you would love to do, but we can't all have the dream weddings that we would like to have. Believe me, I didn't. But you know what? In the end, it's not the wedding that's important, but the marriage. That's all that matters. A wedding lasts one day, but you have the rest of your lives together. Again, best of luck.

Edited July 17, 2015 by bakersdozen12

[cruiserking]

Hello Isthisreallife,

 

You should absolutely go on your cruise. I just think that you should strongly consider canceling your Carnival Cruise and booking the Crown Princess which sails a 7-night Mexico cruise in mid to late February 2016 or the Ruby Princess which sails 10-night Mexico cruises - both are round trip from Los Angeles.

 

You needn't fly half way across the country and get stressed out about prices and having your family making financial commitments. It would be enormously easier if you had your wedding celebration aboard the ship while it is docked in port in Los Angeles before the cruise sets sail.

 

This way everyone can enjoy the event, spend some time on a luxury liner, explore the ship and a few hours later they will head home and you will start your honeymoon on the high seas.

 

My wife and I live in New York City and had lovely marriage celebration aboard the Holland America Line Noordam in 2008. We had about 50 guests who came aboard and were issued special ID cards, it was a very affordable package. We entertained our guests for about five or six hours and soon after they all debarked we set sail on a 17-night Transatlantic to Rome.

 

Princess has a similar deal available the "Tie the Knot Package" runs between $1,700 and $2,800. Here's a link to a Cruise Critic article with information on the Princess wedding packages: http://www.cruisecritic.com/articles.cfm?ID=4#princess

 

Here's a link to the Princess website detailing there harborside wedding packages: http://www.princess.com/learn/cruise-gifts-celebrations/romance/wedding-cruises/

 

This would be the easiest way to accomplish your cruise ship wedding plans. Having a wedding aboard a ship is wonderful and special occasion, it is extremely unique and such a refreshing change from the typical weddings in large catering halls and it can all be accomplished for a fraction of the price of a land based traditional wedding ceremony.

 

Have your cruise ship wedding in Los Angeles and have a wonderful day and a terrific honeymoon.

 

Jonathan

Edited July 17, 2015 by cruiserking

[SadieN]

You can have an island wedding in the West Coast.......

Carnival's (and many of Princess's) four day cruises go to Catalina Island. Many sandy beaches there. Guests can either sail with you or take the Catalina Express over to Avalon.

Since Catalina is part of LA County it's very easy to get a marriage license.

[ndabunka]

It took a lot to compose myself after nolatravelgirl's post, I really re-evaluated my decision to ask for any input. I assumed that there were people on this board who might have gone through similar situations as me. I know I am not the first person to do a destination wedding.

#1 - Hang in there.

 

#2 - You might want to try any of the gazillion online wedding forums instead of a cruise forum where it is EXTREMELY RARE to talk about cruise weddings.

 

The reason why we chose Miami is because of the cruise to the Caribbean.

Based on you background details it doesn't sound like many of your (hopeful) guests would even make that trip much less the Cruise itself. Weigh this aspects appropriately and you may realize that the ones already going on the cruise may also be the ONLY ones that would also made the trip to Miami. Please try not to "judge" anyone that might not be able to make such a trip. Like you said, they may not be able to afford the time or the costs even if you ARE related.

 

That's why we had such a low budget to begin with. We aren't getting any help.

Me and my wife got married at her local church (in the middle of the country) with fewer than 60 guest. We had our "reception" in the fellowship hall which was more of a "pot luck" than any "formal meal" but guess what? Most of the people attending LOVED it because it was genuine and those that came truly cared. Although we were 30 & 26 at the time, we were still early in our careers and the "near zero" costs helped us afford a nice honeymoon @ Sandals Dunn's River Falls for something like $2,400 including the flight in 1992.

 

...But I am you sure some of you have family that doesn't have money but that doesn't stop you from asking them to go to a family reunion? Those cost money too. But when it involves having memories with family, sometimes it's worth it.

It's THEIR decision, not YOURS and you have induced conditions on them in order for them to join you. If your OBJECTIVE is to make memories then you may need to take their ability to participate into greater consideration. After all they are not rejecting your GRAND IDEA out of any animosity.

 

We have family in 3 states and no one is coming from money.... We really contemplated how to do this so that we could have the people we loved most at this event.

See above

 

I already have enough guilt over my decisions.I don't have a stack of credit cards that I can hide my debts on. That keeping my business going is more important to me than sinking it so I can pay for everyone to attend my wedding.

Don't EVER put a wedding on a credit card. Couples should NEVER put themselves into ANY debt simply for a wedding. These are religious events. They are NOT "social" events trying to impress others.

 

It used to be that weddings were simple and that family did help the bride and groom afford even the simplest of ceremonies so that they could get on their feet and on to the next chapter in their life.

Yep as abaove

 

I do think weddings have grown in price and If I had to chose over a lavish wedding so my guests felt taken care of or say...... a down payment on a house. I would chose the house.

Smart girl

 

... I thought they would've been happy attending my wedding even if it was in a back yard with frank and beans over a log fire.

As Captain Pickard would have said "Make it SO!" You can do some AMAZING things in a backyard. Wise money management over our 24 years of caring for each other have been the rewards of frugal lifestyle early in our careers. Stay strong, enjoy each other and let these stressful things drift away.

Edited July 17, 2015 by ndabunka

[Isthisreallife]

We were in a somewhat similar situation to you. We live in central, DW has family in the south and on the west coast and my family and friends are all on the east coast. Every time we sat down to plan a wedding the logistics and the costs kept escalating. And, we knew that our parents just did not have the funds to fly to meet us, so we had to fly to one and fly the other to us.

 

It didn't matter how we looked at options, the fact was that with everyone living all over the country, a wedding was going to cost a lot of money. And, after being together for 10 years, we didn't want to spend it. We would rather keep the funds in our investments than have a party. And neither one of us felt good about asking family to come up with thousands of dollars to attend our wedding when we knew that they simply do not have it.

 

So, we eloped. Just the two of us, and it was wonderful. So much more romantic than anything that we ever could have imagined or planned for. Perfect in every way. And you can guess the honeymoon - a cruise, of course.

 

The fact is that all weddings are limited by budgets. There is only so far that the money will go. Also accept that today, geography plays a huge role in your attendee list.

 

BTW: we got the wedding of our dreams and our honeymoon for less than the $5000 that you have just for the wedding. And let's be honest, do you really want your family members with you on your honeymoon??? In the end, we were glad that our weren't on ours.

I've never been on a message board before. I had no idea people could be so mean. I can honestly say I've cried more over how people talked to me on the message board than most of the struggles I had with figuring out this wedding. With this.. I bid ado. For everyone with the kind words, I thank you. I realize I don't have the heart for this. Again, I shouldn't have to defend myself but I am not the horrible person you make me out to be. I am sorry I asked for any help.

 

I have since agreed with some that there is no point in the cruise. It's better to elope. There is no way for us to figure out this puzzle.

 

The name "Cruise Critic" should be a great indicator for whats in store if you ask a question.

 

Thank you cruiserking for your insight. I am definitely on the same page. :D

[Isthisreallife]

#1 - Hang in there.

 

#2 - You might want to try any of the gazillion online wedding forums instead of a cruise forum where it is EXTREMELY RARE to talk about cruise weddings.

 

 

Based on you background details it doesn't sound like many of your (hopeful) guests would even make that trip much less the Cruise itself. Weigh this aspects appropriately and you may realize that the ones already going on the cruise may also be the ONLY ones that would also made the trip to Miami. Please try not to "judge" anyone that might not be able to make such a trip. Like you said, they may not be able to afford the time or the costs even if you ARE related.

 

 

Me and my wife got married at her local church (in the middle of the country) with fewer than 60 guest. We had our "reception" in the fellowship hall which was more of a "pot luck" than any "formal meal" but guess what? Most of the people attending LOVED it because it was genuine and those that came truly cared. Although we were 30 & 26 at the time, we were still early in our careers and the "near zero" costs helped us afford a nice honeymoon @ Sandals Dunn's River Falls for something like $2,400 including the flight in 1992.

 

 

It's THEIR decision, not YOURS and you have induced conditions on them in order for them to join you. If your OBJECTIVE is to make memories then you may need to take their ability to participate into greater consideration. After all they are not rejecting your GRAND IDEA out of any animosity.

 

 

See above

 

 

Don't EVER put a wedding on a credit card. Couples should NEVER put themselves into ANY debt simply for a wedding. These are religious events. They are NOT "social" events trying to impress others.

 

 

Yep as abaove

 

 

Smart girl

 

 

As Captain Pickard would have said "Make it SO!" You can do some AMAZING things in a backyard. Wise money management over our 24 years of caring for each other have been the rewards of frugal lifestyle early in our careers. Stay strong, enjoy each other and let these stressful things drift away.

Thank you ndabunka for being so kind. I really like the fact that you took the time to go through my post and respond to things. I realize this is not the place to look for the insight I needed. Thank you for responding. ;D It's really appreciated. Right now more than ever. :D

[SadieN]

Check out the Honeymoon and Wedding board.

[celebrity]

He doesn't want to do that though. He doesn't want any receptions. I suggested a long time ago that we just get married by ourselves and come back for a reception. Which is why everyone goes to a wedding anyways. I suggest a little ceremony for everyone to attend and we can just go to a restaurant or something afterwards. He wanted the wedding. I am okay with the small/intimacy part of the wedding/ceremony. He is not.

 

As far as our guest and their incomes, even people who live paycheck to paycheck can save for something big and special. That's why we figured giving everyone nine months to save would be ample time to set aside a little money each month towards a cruise. Some people are perfectly capable of doing it. And then there are always the people who say they can't afford it but have no problem going out to eat all the time, going camping all the time, taking a boat out, going on their own vacations, etc. We said from the very beginning that if someone wanted to go but couldn't come up with all the money, I have no problem working harder to help pay for someone. I just need them to try as well. I don't want to work my buns off to pay for someone because they don't want to try and save.

 

I heard this from someone who travels a lot, they said that as long as you think you can never afford to travel, you never will. But the truth is, you have to want to travel. You will find that the love of travel will encourage you to set aside money every month in order to reach your goal. The little goal of buying food out and drinking at the bars with your friends, those little goals will always take precedence over the big goal.

 

I lost my Mother, both my grandmothers, my brother, my aunt and I almost lost my father,all within a few years. I decided that I needed to make this memory with my family. I needed them to want to make this memory for each other. I don't know how much longer I will have my father. But while I have him, I wanted to have this once in a lifetime family vacation that I just happened to be getting married at.

 

First things first: Congrats on your upcoming marriage, may it be long and happy.

So very sorry about the loss of your Mom and other family members.

 

Let's break this down to the basics,

You clearly stated that you have a limited budget which everyone on this thread respected and understood.

 

Please read back over your posts and by your own admission you are inviting guests living paycheck to paycheck yet you expect them to endure financial hardship to finance your dream wedding. You are not willing to do so but expect your family to do so? SMH.

 

Nine months is not a lot of time to scrimp and save several thousand dollars for those with limited funds.

 

Please don't judge others by their unwillingness to jump onboard with your plans.

Not everyone likes cruising, may hate flying, have limited vacation time, etc.

They have their dreams as well for expendable income. It doesn't mean they aren't thrilled for you, just that the money is not there.

 

You mentioned that your future in laws are paying for your cabin. Therefore, your expenses are lower than your guests. I would never put that kind of pressure on the people I love most.

 

Something to ponder: do you want a wedding or a marriage?

 

If I was in your shoes, I would go with those that have already committed and have a wonderful time. For you it is a once in a lifetime trip with your Dad, go for it.

 

People that choose destination weddings have to realize that there will always be a higher percentage of " no's " than a local wedding.

That's reality.

[lovesublime]

I think you're asking too much of your family and friends. There is nothing wrong with having a very simple inexpensive wedding and having hotdogs and hamburgers after. Here in Texas, BBQs with ribs, brisket, potato salad, rolls, sliced white bread and iced tea etc. are popular wedding meals....often done right in the back yard. You could easily afford plenty of food for a crowd of 100 people. And it would be fun. You already know that most people in your family cannot afford the cruise and airfare so why do you keep pushing it? It sounds as if the expense would be a hardship on them. That doesn't mean they don't care, they just cannot afford something like that.

 

Also, I was put out by you claiming that these same family members supposedly have plenty of money to eat out, go on vacations, go camping and so on. You even mentioned that your future MIL couldn't afford it because she refuses to work. Really? Grow up! It's their money and they have the right to spend it however they see fit. It's none of your business what they do with their own money. You're out of line by stating that family members should better allocate their funds so they can go on your wedding cruise. Also, I have to agree with another poster who commented on you shacking up for over ten years. Maybe your family just isn't impressed with your wedding plans which are a long time coming. Think about that.

[cruiserking]

 

Thank you cruiserking for your insight. I am definitely on the same page. :D

 

You're Welcome Isthisreallife.

 

You can easily get married on a Princess ship in Los Angeles. It will be very easy. Don't pay any attention to all of this negativity on these boards. Unfortunately sometimes when you bare your soul people can take advantage.

 

If you go this route and do your wedding on the Princess ship once you arrange the basic reception with the planner the main thing to do is to have everyone attending to give you their precise names and birthdays so they can be cleared to board for the ceremony and reception.

 

Good Luck. Please let us know if you switched your wedding to Princess, I really hope it works out for you guys.

 

Jonathan

Edited July 17, 2015 by cruiserking

[Markanddonna]

I think this is the perfect place to ask about why your family and friends are not on board with your decision to have an expensive wedding cruise. Some of these posters have probably explained the thinking process of the majority of your invited guests. I have a daughter who lives paycheck to paycheck and she would never foolishly jeopardize her child's future by agreeing to this request. I just sent regrets to a niece whose wedding would have set us back a minimum of $1,500 traveling to a destination that is usually 95-100 degrees. Don't want to travel there and spend any of my travel budget on that. I could probably afford to, but there are lots of other issues in these decisions.

Edited July 17, 2015 by Markanddonna

[ozarkmama]

I personally think this is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Why would you expect people to give up an entire week of work (or longer), thousands of dollars that they may or may not be able to afford to go on a vacation that they didn't choose? Why has this society become so much about the "wedding" and not the "marriage"? I wouldn't spend my vacation time from work and my hard earned money for something so frivolous regardless of who it was. If it was my daughter, I would tell her how ridiculous and self centered this whole plan is. Plan an affordable, simple wedding in a location that is easy for your most important guests and then go on the cruise for your honeymoon.

[kelkel2]

I've never been on a message board before. I had no idea people could be so mean. I can honestly say I've cried more over how people talked to me on the message board than most of the struggles I had with figuring out this wedding. With this.. I bid ado. For everyone with the kind words, I thank you. I realize I don't have the heart for this. Again, I shouldn't have to defend myself but I am not the horrible person you make me out to be. I am sorry I asked for any help.

 

I have since agreed with some that there is no point in the cruise. It's better to elope. There is no way for us to figure out this puzzle.

 

The name "Cruise Critic" should be a great indicator for whats in store if you ask a question.

 

Thank you cruiserking for your insight. I am definitely on the same page. :D

 

I am very sorry you are upset. There are a few who have been mean and I apologize on their behalf. But, others haven't and others have tried to give you honest advice which is exactly what you came here asking for.

Now, that being said. I think honestly what you are asking of your family members is very difficult for a lot of them to do. Put yourself in their shoes. Your asking them to take a vacation with you. Not everyone likes cruises, but you chose that for them. Not everyone can afford to fly to miami or go on a cruise, but you're essentially making them if they want to see you get married.

I think destination or cruise weddings are so hard in that sense. At my job, I am lucky to get 1 vacation a year. So essentially your wedding that has already been planned and chosen for me is my one vacation. That's a difficult pill for some people to swallow. What if they had been saving their vacation time for THEIR dream vacation, not yours?

 

I'm married I get it. I really do. It's difficult, but I would much rather have a small gathering in my home town with my close friends and family than on a cruise ship without them.

[BullDawg91]

Do what you want. It's not your family's wedding. You have a household so you don't need gifts. If you want to take the cruise with the parents, go. Just don't expect anyone else to spend thousands to go with you.

 

There were lots of things at my wedding that I wanted to be different but I let people tell me what I HAD to have or HAD to do. Do what you want. I'm encouraging my kids to take the money I'll offer and run!

[marco]

I have to agree with the above post..."Do what you want'. What ever scenario is most important to you is what should happen. If the cruise is more important factor, then just invite "whoever", if they can join; great, it not....then not. It's your wedding and it should play out in what ever way is the most important to you.

[njmomof2]

Destination weddings. Always a hot topic. Some think it's a great idea, others don't.

 

I'm sorry that you're dealing with all of the issues that surround a destination wedding, in addition to not seeming to be on the same page as your FH as to what the wedding should be. You've stated that you discussed a smaller, more intimate type of ceremony, with the big party afterwards, but he wants the big wedding thing.

 

I can relate. I had been married and divorced, then met my second husband. Having been married, and knowing the costs involved, I thought we'd do a small ceremony, maybe even on a ship, and not do the big party type thing. He, however, had other ideas. He'd never been married, his mother was a widow, his grandmother alive, and it looked as if his brother was not going to get married, so he wanted the whole shebang. More because he wanted it for his mother and grandmother. We went back and forth. We were paying for it ourselves, mostly. He'd been engaged and his mother was going to pay for the music, and when the engagement fell apart, they wouldn't refund but gave a credit. So that was being covered in a way by her, but the rest was on us.

 

I gave in. We had a lovely wedding, I tried to economize where I could. Rented my dress. Had the reception at a hotel where his mother worked at the time, and they gave us a good deal. Didn't overdue the flowers. Tried to keep in budget. However, we ended up having debt from it. And that debt haunted me for years.

 

His brother ended up getting married. His future wife's parents had a house in the Bahamas. They offered to pay for the wedding if they had it there. BIL always felt that everyone else got their weddings paid for so he should too. Of course, he invited all sorts of people. Husband had a small family and we already had a toddler at the time. Only ones who went were MIL and husband. He didn't care. The most important part was that someone else paid, not that his family and friends weren't there to witness it.

 

Now, having been through 2 weddings (and 2 divorces) I look back on those events differently. I know that your FH wants the big wedding, the thing we all read about and see in magazines and on TV and movies. But seriously, you have a budget. And from what you've said, these various family members have told you point blank that they are not coming. You've given them 9 months to plan and save, but they've made it plain that they have no interest in saving for your wedding trip. Okay, their choice. Should you be angry at them? Well, I'd be more disappointed that, if they have money they can move around and save, that they didn't want to save it to be with you, especially if you see them spending that money on other things, like boating, bars, dining out, stuff like that. But again, it's their choice.

 

So you have a choice. You seriously need to decide what you want out of this. And you need to really sit down with FH and try to come together on the same page. Find out what his motivation is for the big wedding. You've said that he understands that doing what he wants on a budget is not possible. But other, lovely options exist. You just need to decide together how you want to proceed.

 

Should you go on the cruise with 4 guests? If that's what you both want, and you both think that will make you happy, then yes. If you think you're going to be upset and angry at all of the others that didn't come, for whatever reason (and you need to move past that...you can either hold on to the anger at them or just accept it) and not enjoy yourselves, then try to come up with something else.

 

In the end, what is most important is joining your life with this man that you love. The wedding industry has a lock on making brides feel inadequate if their weddings don't end up looking like the ones advertised. But you need to find a way to navigate this journey with your FH so that in the end, you both feel good about the plan.

 

Please accept my congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding. I hope that you are blessed with many happy years together.

 

ETA: I just thought of something I wanted to add. Many are saying that you're expecting too much of the families who have said they can't come. Maybe they have limited vacation, and you having a destination wedding is forcing them into that as a vacation when they have something else they want to do. Others say that you know they live paycheck to paycheck and can't afford to spend their money on your dream. and you're being selfish to expect them to do so. Lots of things. I get it. I really do. But in the end, you can either do what makes you happy, or do what others want you to do. If a destination wedding is what you really want, then do it. And don't look back. If these family members are what you describe, then I'm thinking in the end, it doesn't matter what you do. They won't be happy for you. They want you to conform to what they think is correct. I don't know your family, but I've seen it over and over again with other friends whose families made them feel guilty for their choices.

 

It's a terrible place to be, trying to plan one of the happiest events in your life and hitting roadblocks at every turn. It shouldn't be this hard, but it is. You need to find the strength to overcome those hurdles and get to the end.

Edited July 17, 2015 by njmomof2

[Arzeena]

My fiance and I decided to have cruise ship wedding because we couldn't figure out how to have a wedding with a 5k budget in SoCal, on the beach for 100+ people (from several different states) and to give it a beautiful romantic feeling. I went over every option I could to see if I could do it all for 5k. I am good a budgeting and saving money, but I can't DIY my whole wedding, feed that many people and entertain most of the out of towners for a week, while hosting them in my house and finding lodging for them in other peoples houses, etc. My FH really had no clue about how much weddings cost. He thought I was just making up stuff and making things sound harder than they are. I always wanted to get married on an Island, just he and I. We could Skype everyone and have reception later. He didn't think people did that. I have since proved my point many times over. He wanted the whole sh-bang. The whole wedding ensemble.

 

Once I let him start navigating how much it is just to rent a wedding venue (nothing else) he realized that it's not an option. Then he thought, we will raise our budge (this is how it always starts) He thought I was being cheap for not wanting to raise the budget. Once he started navigating some more, he found that even when raising the budget, some how... you have to raise it again and again and again. So after so much back and forth of how to do this and what state to have it in, we decided to have it on a cruise. No so stressful with the planning. We both own a business together and don't have a lot of time to plan a wedding. So this ease of lot of burdens. But created others.

 

Anyways... we invited our closest friends and family to attend. Well..... everyone on his side immediately freaked out and said no. They wouldn't be able to afford it. Even though we were giving everyone 9 months notice. Still...they are completely unwilling to try. Even though when we travel for weddings, no matter the state, it's no less that $500. So he was going through some heartache knowing his family won't even try. His Dad and Stepmother are going because they are normal people and they care. On my side, I don't have any friends so that's not a problem. I got a lot of "yays" upfront but now 4 months further down the road...... I've got my Dad and my sister. So we will have a total of 4 guests and us. This is not what either of us were expecting. Is it even worth it? His dad and stepmother paid for our Jr. Suite on the cruise as a wedding present. Should we just forget about this, consider it a dumb idea and just take a vacation with his dad and stepmother? Do you think there is even a point to have 4 guests on the cruise? My sister was supposed to bring her whole family but now that she has done the math... she's freaking out over the whole bill. My dads on a fixed income. I have 4 other brothers that aren't going (including their families). FH has 3 siblings (and their families) that aren't going. None of our friends are going to go.

 

Were we selfish to even think this was a good idea? I can't help feeling like a jerk because this was the only way I knew to weed out the wedding guest list and really only have people there that matter, have it be something we could afford, have it be in that magical place I wanted (but couldn't afford) and it will feed and entertain my guests for a week. And they actually get a once in a lifetime vacation out of this. But most of our families are paycheck to paycheck people. We thought they would try for us. They some how manage to take themselves on vacations but freak out over the ability to pay for a cruise for our wedding. No one on his side has even congratulated us. They just said NO.

 

If I cave and find some way to do a land locked wedding, then we give into everyone who wasn't willing to try at all for us on the cruise. But we still have the issue of his Dad and Stepmother who paid for our cabin on the cruise. Do we break their hearts, make them upset? Has anyone been in this situation before? I don't know what to do and I don't want to sound pretentious asking people to pay to go on cruise to see us get married.

 

And my cruise agent doesn't seem to be the best fit. He's nice and he's been doing this a long time but I get really frustrated with him because of some of his comments and his lack of communication.

 

I asked my FH if we should have a simple ceremony in SoCal and one in N. Idaho so that we could share this with family and then go on the cruise. He said that was a wasted idea. If they want to see us get married, they can try and go on the cruise. But the airfare alone getting to Ft. Lauderdale is no less than $500 per person. My father can barely pay for himself to go on the cruise. FH's mother is on a fixed income because she chooses not work and hasn't even offer to contribute even though she's not going on the cruise. It's just making us see our family in a different light and I don't want this to cause irreparable harm.

 

Can anyone offer any insight or wisdom into this situation? :(

 

E. Carribean Cruise

Carnival Breeze 1-30-16 thru 2-7-16

together for 10.5 years, engaged for 1.5 years.

 

HELP!!!

 

 

Congratulations on your wedding!

 

This board is not the right one to ask for emotional advice for the type of "dilemma" you are facing. You cannot blame anyone and call them "not normal" for not being able to afford to cruise for your wedding. Everyone has their financial limitations and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you will stop feeling sorry for yourself. Not being hard on you, but you have to think practically and not put additional stressors on you at a great time.

 

However, it is your wedding, so the decisions are to be made by you and your fiance. Aim to be happy with yourselves rather than whether others can attend or not. If you want an island wedding go for it! Don't expect all/any relatives and family to attend, and be happy with it...don't be angry at them, they may not be able to afford it or go on a cruise. When you get back, you can do a reception dinner/cocktails and invite them over. So that is what you want to do, but here is another person in this equation...your fiance....let's not forget him. If he is happy with the idea, then no problems, if not meet him half way on somethings and reach a happy compromise. You two have to resolve this between yourselves, for yourselves.

 

Whatever you decide to do, good luck, and have a great wedding and a great married life.