How to get a 3.5 year old to "like" the Kid's Club

[grandebarca]

We're traveling with our little guy again. His 2 older sisters (9 and 10) have loved the kids clubs on board every time we've been on a cruise (I think 5-6 with the kids).

 

The last cruise we went on was the first one for our youngest (he was almost 3 at the time). He did NOT want to stay in the kid's club at all. We tried to slowly introduce him to the kids club and play with the toys but once he saw we were trying to leave, he ran to us and clung to us. No luck.

 

My wife and I both stay home with him all day so he's used to one or more parents being around all the time. I'm sure that doesn't help with the separation anxiety (the older 2 kids grew up staying at grandma's house while we worked which is why they were cool with getting dropped off at kid's club).

 

This year the little guy will be almost 4 in January when we're cruising (Carnival Fantasy out of Charleston Jan 27 2016). So maybe 1 more year will help but I'm not too confident. He's of a generally shy demeanor all the time.

 

Any advice?

[travelhound]

A year may make a big difference. Our dd's first time in the kids' club was just after she turned three. She went once for a few hours but wasn't that excited to go again. Then we went four months later on a 14 day cruise and I couldn't get her out of the club. She wanted to go all of the time. It may have been age and it may have been that she connected more with the kids and the counselors on that longer trip. So, I think each experience is a little different.

 

My only advice would be, bring him on the first night when you sign up and can walk around with him. Then whenever you go again, tell him you'll come back in a little bit and see if he wants to go or play some more. Good counselors will help that transition to get from the front desk to playing. Then go back in whatever time you decide (I checked on her after an hour the first time). I just asked the desk to see if she would like to come out or play more. They didn't bring her up front or she probably would have left, so that was smart of them. They just went back and asked her. She said she wanted to play more. I did the same thing in another hour. She still wanted to play. Then it was time to pick her up for lunch. It was an easy way for her to feel like she had an out if she needed it.

 

Good luck! The kids' club can be so fun for them. Our dd is an only child so it's especially fun for us to know that she is having a good time with other kids. She talks about the kids' club a lot when we talk about cruising.

[A&Jfamily]

Personally - best guess - is talk it up about how now that he is a big boy he will get to play in the clubs like his siblings. Then just do it. The staff is trained to deal with kids and their separation anxiety. And if its too bad, they will use the pager or whatever the communication device is for the little ones to notify you if there is a real problem.

[cb at sea]

2 is the "clingy" age...he should be fine this time around! I wouldn't talk it up too much to him...makes it seem more important than it needs to be!

Edited December 15, 2015 by cb at sea

[grandebarca]

Thanks for the tips so far.

 

I'm planning to bring him in and let him take it all in nice and slow. Hopefully we won't have many kids on this cruise since it's in late January when older kids are in school. Last time on Carnival it was a madhouse with 10+ toddlers/babies and many were screaming. Just a few counselors and they seemed overwhelmed so our kiddo got zero individualized attention since he wasn't screaming (until I tried to leave lol).

[mikesteg]

Nothing substitutes for experience. I'd suggest that you leave him with the grandparents once a week or so until the cruise. It sounds like you don't have the need any longer, but if you have the possibility this would probably help him greatly. If not the grandparents, maybe a drop in daycare place.

 

If not that: bribery. :D

[Kerry's Girls]

I actually found leaving slowly to be much harder/more dramatic for my kids. Drop and run was always more successful and easier on all of us. I would hide near the door so they couldn't see me and usually one would cry a short time and then get distracted by the kids/toys/staff. If I stayed, it made leaving impossible. They were never going to want me to leave, so we'd never have known if they could enjoy themselves (which they did) if I didn't just let them know I'd be back in a little while and go. Did the same thing when they started preschool and they adjusted a lot faster.

 

All the best,

Mia

[grandebarca]

Nothing substitutes for experience. I'd suggest that you leave him with the grandparents once a week or so until the cruise. It sounds like you don't have the need any longer, but if you have the possibility this would probably help him greatly. If not the grandparents, maybe a drop in daycare place.

 

If not that: bribery. :D

 

The grandma that's going with us keeps him overnight 1x per week (so 2 days per week). That's a recent change compared to last year so maybe it will help.

[bubba83]

Is there any camp type activities or sports or lessons he can do now where he would have to be away from the parents for a period of time?

 

My oldest had a bought of separation anxiety around 3 years old so we signed her up for dance class. She also now goes to preschool and is involved in sunday school and an evening program at our church where she isn't around a parent...She has no issues now with leaving mom or dad.

 

My current almost 3 year old really could care less of mom or dad are gone, she is too interested in playing...she also started dance this year, goes to sunday school, the nursery during church service, and to the evening children's church program.....

 

they go to a paid sitter only 1-2 times a week for around 2 hours each time...when I come to pick them up they both get upset and tell me to go back to work because they are having too much fun!

 

 

So my advice would be to get him active into other things where mom and dad aren't there....

 

My girls will be 5 and 3 at the time of their first cruise in April....I have told them all about Royal's kids program and we talk about it like their kids camp where they will do fun things, so far they are both excited to try it out, fingers crossed!

[grandebarca]

Is there any camp type activities or sports or lessons he can do now where he would have to be away from the parents for a period of time?

 

We're probably tapped out on options this late in December but maybe there is something in January we could squeeze in at the local parks and rec community center. But he won't start regular pre-school till the fall. Although we might have the separation anxiety issues whenever we do start our first activity. I'm sure he'll grow out of this phase eventually, I just wish it could be in January and not later for our sanity!

[A&Jfamily]

We're probably tapped out on options this late in December but maybe there is something in January we could squeeze in at the local parks and rec community center. But he won't start regular pre-school till the fall. Although we might have the separation anxiety issues whenever we do start our first activity. I'm sure he'll grow out of this phase eventually, I just wish it could be in January and not later for our sanity!

 

Separation anxiety sadly is part of the parenting business and I agree with Mia and think that most child care providers do as well...staying or doing it gradual only makes it harder. Is it hard to walk away when your child is screaming? Sure! Is it hard to leave your baby in the crib when they cry? Or toddler...or whatever age you decide to separate sleeping arrangements... Sure! But I promise, as someone who worked in child care for years, they stop crying. And way quicker than you think.

 

Some kids do it naturally - others need that "shove" at times, be they 8 months, 8 years or 18 years - to do achieve appropriate independence for their age.

[grandebarca]

You're probably right A&J. Maybe I'll go up by myself (without my wife!), drop the little guy off and walk around for 5-10 minutes before checking in on him to see how he's doing.

[Sooner-Cruisers]

We talked it up in advance. We talked about the activities and how it works. We went with no expectations because she didn't want anything to do with it when she was 2, but did great at 3.5.

 

We looked at the schedule and took her to the things she wanted to go to, then we'd go check on her. Sometimes she was having so much fun she sent us away.I think for our daughter the main thing was letting her decide. It's also nice for them to have a place where they can play and be loud! Good luck.

[mjkacmom]

Two of my kids started preschool at 3, the other three started at 2. We've been to four different preschoolers, and the teachers gently but firmly tell the parents to make drop off short but sweet. Lingering just makes it worse.

[Queen of Oakville]

 

My wife and I both stay home with him all day so he's used to one or more parents being around all the time.

 

 

There is your reason. Does he have may opportunities to socialize away from you?

 

My children had a nanny. My daughter started pre-school when she was 3.5 and my son started when he was 4.5 (but she is older). On their first cruise, she was 4 and he was 2.5. All he had ever known was life at home with Mommy, Daddy, and his nanny.

 

Our first cruise was Camp Carnival (worst kid's club at sea, if you ask me!). My son cried and cried and cried and wanted no part of it. He just didn't like being dropped off an left there.

 

When he took his next cruise (HAL), we were worried of a repeat but it was a much better experience, because he had a little bit of preschool under his belt, so he understood the concept of being left there and knowing we would come back to pick him up. Eurodam was awesome because there were very kids on board, and perhaps 20 in the kid's club. From day 1, the counsellors knew and greet him by name. A kid can't help but feel welcomed when people know his name and are excited to see him. That cruise, he cried uncontrollably on the last day. He did not want to leave. He wanted just one more day at Club HAL with all kinds of promises that he would be good if we just let him stay one more day :D

Edited December 17, 2015 by Queen of Oakville

[grandebarca]

There is your reason. Does he have may opportunities to socialize away from you?

 

 

He's around other kids all the time (2 older sisters and their friends). And he stays with one grandma or the other at least 1x per week.

 

But yeah, he's rarely with strangers and not with one of five or six different family caretakers.

 

He's starting pre-school in the fall so the separation anxiety won't be an issue on our cruises late next year. Just have to deal with it on this one. :D

 

I've been talking it up to him already to get him excited. So far so good.

[celle]

Can you be relaxed about it? Don't talk it up, don't make a big issue of it. Take him along and let him have a look. If he wants to stay, fair enough. If not, try again another day. He may just be a child who takes longer to get used to things.

 

Some children do take longer than others to get used to parents not being around. That's normal, too. My oldest took ages to get used to pre-school, while my second child rushed straight into it. They have different personalities and, even as adults, their different approaches still show.

 

I'm sure you want to be able to have some adult time, while the children are being entertained elsewhere, but it's your youngest child's holiday too and I wouldn't like to think he was pressured into going to the kids' club if it made him unhappy.

 

It sounds to me as if he has plenty of socialising at home and I don't think there's anything wrong with him being used to having both of you at home.

Edited December 17, 2015 by celle

[Cruisin' Chick]

Is there any camp type activities or sports or lessons he can do now where he would have to be away from the parents for a period of time?

 

My oldest had a bought of separation anxiety around 3 years old so we signed her up for dance class. She also now goes to preschool and is involved in sunday school and an evening program at our church where she isn't around a parent...She has no issues now with leaving mom or dad.

 

My current almost 3 year old really could care less of mom or dad are gone, she is too interested in playing...she also started dance this year, goes to sunday school, the nursery during church service, and to the evening children's church program.....

 

they go to a paid sitter only 1-2 times a week for around 2 hours each time...when I come to pick them up they both get upset and tell me to go back to work because they are having too much fun!

 

 

So my advice would be to get him active into other things where mom and dad aren't there....

 

My girls will be 5 and 3 at the time of their first cruise in April....I have told them all about Royal's kids program and we talk about it like their kids camp where they will do fun things, so far they are both excited to try it out, fingers crossed!

 

I was thinking you should look for classes and other activities that you can go with your son at first but gradually have him participate without you around. Not a lot of time, but this may end up helping when he starts preschool (else, expect a lot of phone calls asking you to pick him up).

[mikesteg]

Can you be relaxed about it? Don't talk it up, don't make a big issue of it. Take him along and let him have a look. If he wants to stay, fair enough. If not, try again another day. He may just be a child who takes longer to get used to things.

 

I agree with this to some extent. It depends how well you do subtle suggestion. My wife for instance, doesn't do subtle :o so when she tries to talk something up it sends up flags. Kids are smart and will catch on to this pretty quickly.

 

I think kids that are still not able to communicate verbally well are much more in tune with body language than most adults are. They'll read the adult's stress over not getting any alone time, and possibly interpret that as something being wrong with camp.

 

 

Some children do take longer than others to get used to parents not being around. That's normal, too. My oldest took ages to get used to pre-school, while my second child rushed straight into it. They have different personalities and, even as adults, their different approaches still show.

 

I had forgotten about it until you said this, but our twins reacted quite different also. Both were a bit reluctant, but DD got over it pretty quickly. DS just would not go, and DD would not go without him for fear of missing something else with us.

[Queen of Oakville]

What I meant was socializing away from you and/or other adult guardians that he trusts.

 

It is one thing to play with siblings or have play dates while he knows you are in the house; and another to be dropped off at a pre-school, playdate, gymnastics, etc. without the insurance of a sibling/parent safety net. I think children that age have a natural fear that Mommy or Daddy may not come back for them and they panic at the prospect of being left alone.

 

If he reacts on the first day of the cruise, ask him outright why he is upset? On the first day, make it a very short visit like 10 minutes, so he knows quickly that he's not being "dumped" there. Gradually make the visits longer. Do several short visits in the first day.

[Syrreal]

Like others have said, talk it up and then drop and run. Even super clingy kids will usually calm down in a couple of minutes and they will be able to get a hold of you if this isn't the case.

 

Just also be prepared that then you maybe have to deal with screaming when it's time for you to pick them up because they don't want to leave!! (lol)

[grandebarca]

Just also be prepared that then you maybe have to deal with screaming when it's time for you to pick them up because they don't want to leave!! (lol)

 

I've had that experience before with the older girls!

[notentirelynormal]

I'll just say that men do the drop off easier then woman. A Venus/Mars kind of thing. We women seem to have more guilt over leaving a crying child. When my kids were in day care DH had to do the drop off or I felt guilty all day. Didn't bother him in the least.

 

Not quite the same scenario as yours but kind of sort of.

 

My DGS is 10 (will be 11 on the cruise). For a couple of months we have been discussing with him about IF we go on a cruise will he dress up for formal nights. Even on land, would he dress up if we take him to a fancy restaurant. "Not going to happen grandma!" It was definite, it was final. No matter how much we tried to discuss it with him it was final. No grey area. We were at Disneyland and he was getting pissier and pissier with us so I asked why. I don't want to discuss wearing a suit any more!

 

Christmas rolls around. He opens up his carry on suitcase. Many Princess cruise items inside. Once the light bulb goes on that he is going on a cruise he turns to me and says "well, grandma, I guess I need to get formal wear". :rolleyes:

Edited January 2, 2016 by notentirelynormal

[Lionesss]

Give them two choices:

 

1. Kids club with lots of games and fun.

 

2. Kids club with lots of games and fun.

 

 

Your a parent, help him go there.......he will eventually cave and have fun.

 

Enjoy

[Syrreal]

I'll just say that men do the drop off easier then woman. A Venus/Mars kind of thing. We women seem to have more guilt over leaving a crying child. When my kids were in day care DH had to do the drop off or I felt guilty all day. Didn't bother him in the least.:

 

 

They also just behave differently with different parents. I didn't have an issue with dropping and running (at school) but they would still cry for me, but would just say "bye daddy" when DH dropped them off.

We've taken to calling this - the daddy shaft since they will always choose me over him. And I'm not even the primary caregiver since I work outside the house and my husband is the one that stays at home.