Disability

[Algebralovr]

You cannot know by looking at someone their situation. Compared to many cruisers, I look young and healthy in my late 40s. Little do they know that I've spent the last year using mobility assist devices and lots of time in PT. Heck, 12 hours in PT this week is scheduled!

 

I have no qualms about taking an elevator one floor, using a shuttle for those unable to walk a long distance, or using an accessible restroom.

 

Go ahead and say something to me. Wait for the response.

 

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[kitty9]

Anyone can use the disabled restroom, it's not reserved exclusively for disabled. It would be silly for a line to form simply because no one is "qualified" to use the disabled toilet.

 

The problem with that notion is that MANY women feel it's ok to use the one and only accessible stall even when other stalls are empty. I've been disabled since age 2, and I can't come close to counting the number of times a non-disabled woman goes into only accessible stall when nearly every other stall is empty. And, when women who have a child with them use the accessible stall when there's a big family bathroom right next door, it really honks me off. My scooter doesn't fit into any stall other than the accessible one, so when someone bounds into the accessible stall when other stalls are available, it makes my blood boil.

[LabGuy64]

As to the "disabled " toilet.....they are not. what they are is toilets designed to be large enough to handle such things as a wheelchair and make it easier for a person that is disabled. having said that....it is not a reserved toilet strictly for the disabled. Anyone can and should use it. How stupid would it be to leave it unused for the few times that a disabled person needed to use is.....again..they are handicapped "accessible" facilities. not exclusive, as parking spaces are.

 

 

 

I do use either crutches, a walker (how I cringe at having to use "an old person's aid) or as on my last cruise a scooter. The first 2 I need, the 3rd just enables me to have some energy or less pain for when I want to move under my own steam.

I have increasingly noticed "sneering" looks when I use the scooter and believe you me I would far rather not be using it..... The thing that does upset me though is when perfectly able bodied people use disabled facilities. They see an unused disabled toilet and think that it just won't matter if they "pop" in and use it. The trouble is.... I might have misjudged the distance and time needed to walk to that disabled toilet, I might be in increasing need to sit..... never mind the use its purpose aspect of it. Every moment I have to wait to use it matters.....

 

At home - I swim at a hotel gym and spa pool. There is a small poolside disabled room. The hotel also permits use of it by a parent with 2 older different gendered children i.e. they might find it difficult to take them into a genre specific changing room (Though I should at this stage say I could tie my own shoe laces at 4 and the modern generation of children do seem too precious and rather too cosseted imho!) Anyway..... the whole world and its aunt now use this disabled changing room; mothers with babies, parents with one child of any age,swimming lesson children, spa visitors,young couples (!) and they leave the floor soaking wet often (which means my clothes get soaked when I have to sit to dress) and...to cap it all they lift the long cord alarm and wrap it over a top rail so it is out of the way. It would also be completely out of the way should a disabled person slip and fall onto the floor! I have completely lost patience with the hotel management as they seem incapable of enforcing their own policy relating to the use of this room.It seems that it is all important that all those folk aforementioned are too precious to have to walk an additional 20m or so to use the very large changing rooms.

 

Don't even get me started on the people going to exercise at the gym who park in the (only 2) disabled spaces. Oh the irony!!

 

To the OP...... you go girl! Use what is provided when it is necessary and you NEED it and blithely ignore other people's incorrect judgements and frowns. You do not have to prove your disability ...it is enough that you know it exists and that you are coping with it the best way you know how.

[royalcruz]

As someone with "invisible" IBD Crohn's disease, I assure you that if the only toilet stall available is handicapped I will be in there. If you feel the need to give me a dirty look, it's your bad karma, not mine. :D

[Von & John]

Cate --

 

Sorry to hear of your challenges. Hopefully you will have many more cruises ahead of you!!! A number of years ago my sisters & I went on a cruise w/ my mother & 10 month old nephew. My mother was struggling w/ Emphysema, although she was not yet @ the point where she needed oxygen, nor the scooter. However, she experienced challenges w/ too much walking & tired easily. This was all new to her - she was an exceptionally active person.

 

We convinced her to reserve the wheelchair, which allowed her to join us in everything we did. Sometimes she walked on her own & sometimes she rode in the wheelchair. However, the wheelchair was always with us. If Mom wasn't using it, whoever was holding the baby got a ride. At times there were dirty looks -- but luckily we all were enjoying ourselves too much to mind.

 

Speed forward a few years & both the oxygen and scooter became a reality. What I would like to share is what a difference the scooter made in my mother's life. It gave back her independence & ability to get out to enjoy life. It provided the means to go from one room to another in her own home or the ability to go out with her friends!!!

 

I realize your situation is very different than most who have posted on here. I believe most posts were aimed at letting you know you have our support. Once again, hope you get to enjoy cruising for many years to come!!!!

Edited June 15, 2016 by Von & John

[Project_gal]

Cate

 

I do so understand what you are saying. Like you, I am also in my early sixties and try to keep as fit as possible but I have had MS [another "invisible" disease] for 43 years.

 

My husband, older than me and more obviously affected by the usual disabilities of age is openly treated differently to me. People see his stick and do everything to help him. I am left to cope for myself or virtually run after him if he is receiving assistance in places such as airports.

 

I could not possibly use a stick because it is hard enough coordinating two legs - a third would just trip me up more frequently than I fall already.

 

Strangely, since all shop workers in this country have now been trained to deal with those with dementia, I now find that I am treated with so much more consideration when I am slow to deal with change. This makes me convinced that it is purely an issue with training and education. Everyone needs to understand that not all disabilities are visible and some are difficulties that no one would want to broadcast.

[Project_gal]

... in fact some disabled public facilities can only be accessed with the use of a key specifically given to the disabled person.

 

Actually, they are not given. They have to be purchased.

[Project_gal]

... Is waiting worse for you than for other people? ...

 

You cannot possibly know if the "waiting" is "worse" for a person with a disability or not. This is precisely the point of this thread. People should not make assumptions about the abilities of others. The need for quick access to toilet facilities is usual an invisible disability.

[chemmo]

Having had a couple of 'invisible disabilities' for some years now I have slowly found some coping strategies....

 

Firstly, I try to let those who could help me know what my needs are. For example, I can not sit on low sunken chairs (well I could sit in them but I would never get back out!). When we cruise and visit Michael's I alert the bar staff to the fact I need one of the higher chairs, hovering at the bar, the settee or those low chairs just will not work...I can guarantee from this initial conversation I will discreetly be looked after. Most nights not an issue but on some occasions it will be needed. Another example of this has been on some tours when we will speak to the tour guide on boarding the coach explaining I want to do as much as possible but cannot stand up long....we have had tour guides looking for benches, ledges at pause and information points for me to sit/lean on.

 

Secondly, I try to remember that those who occasionally seem to stare at me if I receive or request additional support are simply acting out of ignorance...if they did know my issues they would probably be more tolerant.

 

On our last cruise I had my first experience using a wheel chair for airport transfers knowing how long the walks were between gates. I was quietly amused by the lady in the business lounge who discussed my needs with my husband over my head...obviously by bad knee prevented my brain and mouth working! Again not a deliberate slight just lack of understanding....

 

Project gal...my husband had exactly the same problem as you on our recent airport transfers...He was running to keep up with my 'driver' in Sydney!

[HelenREMfan]

To those who seem to think I am attacking people with "hidden" disabilities. I have worked with people/children with disabilities in my working career. I have every consideration for people who struggle with disabilities which aren't immediately apparent.

 

Regarding disabled car parking spaces - if you can run into the gym with knees and hips which work that well. then you don't need to increased door opening space which I need so I can swing myself in and out of my car. Neither do they need the proximity to the entrance of the gym. If I am in any doubt I don't tackle people - a give away is usually they don't have a "blue badge" to display! The issue re the misuse of these spaces has to be bad in this area as there are now parking wardens at the supermarket supervising the use of the disabled bays so it isn't only me !

 

I feel the radar keys for disabled restrooms are a good idea and leads to less abuse of them. If the disabled toilets were for anyone if they were available why are some on a key system?

 

I remember at a service station on the approach roads to Rome where our excursion stopped for a restroom break. The queues for the female toilets especially, stretched around the corner outside. I managed to get to the disabled toilet and it was vacant and I was grateful for that I can tell you. To have had to have stood queuing for any length of time I would have found very difficult. On my way back to the coach I was advising anyone who looked as if they had a disability in the queue that there was indeed a disabled restroom they could use.

 

I am aware that I can be slow and when I can I let able bodied people past me as I don't wish to hold them up. I remain in my seat on a coach and let everyone else off first. I always make sure I am back to a coach early so I won't hold folk up. It is just a matter of trying to be thoughtful and believe me I am grateful when I receive thoughtfulness in return !

[CapeCodCruiser]

I would have look the starers and glarers right back and say something like "What? Is my nose green again? Don't worry - I'm not contagious."

 

If a bathroom stall were signed "Handicapped ONLY" I would respect that - but one that has an identifying sign that is is equipped - I have no problem using. If there were a line and a HC person came in I would have them definitely be next for the HC stall but it is ludicrous to have a perfectly good stall sit empty when there are people in line.

[venicecruiser]

HelenREMFan -

 

I am disabled and I use a handicapped parking spot when I go to the gym to use a machine to try and regain some of the strength in my legs. I have to use a walker now and most likely will the rest of my life.

 

We all need to be less quick to judge the extent of another persons disability.

 

Claudia

[north29]

I am fit and active that many people in their 50 and older would envy. However I am legally deaf. You cannot see my disability, I understand even with hearing aids about every 3 or forth word without back ground noise. I used to ask and they were happy to reserve me a seat in the front of the tour bus(less road noise) so I might be able to partially understand the tour guide. I gave up on this because of the looks, and under cover remarks that my lady said occurred. Some were so bad that she said it was a good thing that I could not hear them LOL She wants me to continue but it is not worth the effort and it raises my BP so my lady fills in the important stuff.

However a lot of other issues could be a lot worse, my life is good at 75.

[Tom Baker]

Actually, they are not given. They have to be purchased.

Actually mine WAS given to me, perhaps you didn't ask nicely :p

 

Must depend on the LA or NHS Trust you are with.

[Happy2cruise]

Anyone with a hidden or obvious disability "hold your head high"!

My DH is on year 20 with Parkinson's and has good days and bad. It's no ones business why he sits in the front of the bus, uses the handicap stall or stays in a handicap cabin. We would be happy to trade it in for a healthy body.

Very well said!

[Cruise Raider]

 

I've only had to cruise with a disability once, and it was thankfully temporary. But, it was certainly an eye-opening experience. A few years back, we cruised while I was waiting for surgery to repair a torn meniscus in my knee. I knew that stairs (or any sort of climb) would be difficult, and that I'd need to walk a little slower, to avoid falling. I was astounded by how much of a hurry everyone else was in, all of the time. Try as I might to stay out of the way, I always seemed to be holding folks up. :o

 

For every other cruise, my DH and I have always taken the stairs (except for formal nights, with their requisite "killer heels"). On this particular cruise, I had to take the elevator for everything. And, since I wasn't using a scooter, cane, or knee brace -- I got several dirty looks, riding up/down for just one floor. I just ignored them -- and would advise you to do the same, in the future. The only person on that shuttle bus that you might have owed ANY explanation to was the driver.

 

We were on a tour in Hawaii ... first island of our cruise by the way ... and I blew out my knee while hiking. In the tour bus, there was a couple that expected me to crawl over a set of seats and they nearly refused to give up their seat behind the driver. Heck, I almost had to be carried back to the van and these people just wouldn't budge. Finally, the driver gave them no option ... said one of them would have to sit in one of the back seats and he begrudgingly did so. They wouldn't even both move so they could sit together and allow my DH and I to sit together. Geeez!! So, not just hidden disabilities that are ignored.

Anyway, the tour had one more stop and the others agreed to allow the driver to just go back to the ship. They fought and fought and I said I would be ok if I could just put my leg up in the van ... go ahead. The driver was so sweet that she got me an ice pack during that stop to help reduce the ever increasing swelling.

When we got back to the dock ... wow!! Nothing but over the top (almost embarrassing) treatment from the staff. They came out with a wheelchair and scooched me right to the front of the security line and asked if I wanted to go to the doctor's office. They weren't open at the time and not a life threatening emergency so they wheeled me to my room. I was lucky that people, except for that one couple, were very respectful of the fact I couldn't even walk. Ends up I tore my ACL right in two and also tore my meniscus in that same knee. Just a couple of days requiring the wheelchair and then graduated down to a very good knee brace that my DH got for me in Ohau.

So sorry you had more encounters with people like that one couple than you had with others. I always thought cruising is what I would be able to do into my elderly years and associated disabilities. Time will tell and guess there will always be jerks out there ... again, so sorry you experienced them on your last cruise.

[wander]

Re: Who uses Handicapped Toilets.

 

When buildings for "public" use are designed/constructed, the number of toilets required is suggested by building codes/rules/regulations is based on calculations of the number of folks using the building and such. So, say the result is 10 female toilets. Next there is an estimate of the proportion or number of folks needing accessible toilets is calculated. Then based on this number there are guidelines for how many accessible toilet stalls are needed. In our building say this comes out to 1-1/2. Well, of course this is raised to and even number - 2 in this case.

 

Now, that means that 2 of the 10 female toilets must be accessible. (NOT 10+2)

 

Now some days there may be no folks needing accessible facilities or very few. But if the building is full of women not needing accessible toilets. The standards are designed for all stalls to be available to all women, rather than only using 8 of the 10 available stalls unless you "qualify" for an accessible stall. The polite thing to do when there is a line, let a person needing the accessible stall go to the head of the line for an accessible stall. For those such as myself who have an invisible limitation - I wait until I get to the front of the line and then let others go ahead of me until an accessible stall opens up.

 

When you enter the restroom and multiple stalls are available - - I suggest you pick a regular one unless you need the accessible one.

[Jane2357]

Reading through this thread it is amazing how many people there are that have hidden disabilities - something I've never thought much about. This has been eye opening for many reasons and at almost 59 - I am developing my own hidden disability.

 

We often times only see the canes, braces, scooters or walkers but there are many people with heart conditions - like me. While I'm still active today, I have a congenital heart defect that will gradually cause my abilities to decline - there was a noticeable change in my stamina on our recent cruise to Alaska. I'll eventually receive a aortic valve replacement but the years leading up to that point will not be easy.

 

Thank you to all who have shared your stories - perhaps we could all start the movement to be less judgmental of those requiring assistance wether we see a reason for it or not. :)

[bEwAbG]

Thank you to all who have shared your stories - perhaps we could all start the movement to be less judgmental of those requiring assistance wether we see a reason for it or not. :)

 

I think the most eye opening thing for me is that the ones being most judgmental apparently are people with obvious disabilities like the cane-wielding meanies who scared the poor OP off "their" shuttle.

 

Thankfully, many places are adopting universal design elements in new construction as well as when doing renovations. Things like levered door handles instead of knobs and sloping entryways instead of steps or curbs or removal of doors into areas that do not necessarily need them and providing widened door- and hallways go a long way in helping us all adapt as we age or deal with disabilities. I think Celebrity does a pretty good job of making their ships accessible for all.

Edited June 16, 2016 by bEwAbG

[phoenix_dream]

I do hope that you're the exception to the rule. I've found most Americans to be very respectful with regards the disabled. The facilities in the UK are provided for the disabled (and in some cases people with babies to change) in fact some disabled public facilities can only be accessed with the use of a key specifically given to the disabled person.

 

I respectfully disagree with the idea that you should never use the disabled facilities. If there is a long line in the ladies room (as there almost always is at public places in the US), and the handicapped stall is open and no one nearby seems to need it (or appears to be heading towards it), I think it is downright stupid not to use it. It's called common sense. To my way of thinking, it is selfish of a disabled person to expect that stall to stand empty while many people wait in line just because someone disabled might come along. I understand the need for a separate facility, and certainly sufficient ones should be provided. I do not understand the thinking that I am disabled therefore I belong at the front of the line and you'd better keep that stall open for me just in case I need it. As a prior poster indicated, yes, sometimes those few minutes of use can make a big difference. Guess what - they can make a big difference to non-disabled people too!

 

And for the record, I am very sensitive to the disabled. We have traveled often with elderly relatives using canes and walkers and always took very good care of them. We have also had situations similar to the OP's - oh the dirty looks my husband got when we parked (legally) in a handicapped parking space (with the appropriate card) because he had the hidden handicap of just recovering from extensive knee surgery. He could walk, but not long distances.

 

A combination of courtesy combined with common sense is all that is needed to satisfy everyone's needs.

[Demonyte]

I think the most eye opening thing for me is that the ones being most judgmental apparently are people with obvious disabilities like the cane-wielding meanies who scared the poor OP off "their" shuttle.

 

 

Unfortunately I have to agree with you, especially proved right by the real life example right on this thread.

 

My wife (we're in our mid-30's) has a (globally quite rare, a bit less rare here in the Nordics) muscle disease that has started to limit her movement (or actually causing pain for several days later after any long-term activities - of which standing still is the worst - just like one other poster in this thread already described). The disease also causes her to use multiple times the energy to move compared to regular people, so for example using an elevator to even go one floor down is paramount for her to stay functional the whole day.

 

Because of this we have to have wheelchair transfers on airports (because of queues and distances), nowadays often also in cruise ports (because of standing in queues), etc, etc. When few years ago she still didn't use the cane, the looks especially from other, more apparently disabled people were something else completely - probably because combined to the hidden disability, we look very young compared to many others with assistance needs.

 

We too would change all the extra stress and unusual activities of traveling with disabilities to a healthy body that does not limit the things that you can do to begin with.

 

For example getting the temporary non-US disabled parking permit everytime arriving to US alone usually takes hours of our precious vacation time. Now after the last trip we at least know to go directly to government offices for it, dealing with auto tag agencies has been hit or miss even though FL DMV has written step-by-step instructions available for agents on how to process it.

 

Also, yes, we would also be the people usually seeming fine on the outside, and parking to the disabled parking spot outside the gym door. ;)

Edited June 16, 2016 by Demonyte

[Hroswitha]

Coming at this issue from a slightly different angle, might I make a request of those with a legitimate disability--visible or not.

 

When facilities are in high demand (on a cruise or elsewhere) please use the designated "handicap" ones if they're available and leave the regular ones free for those of us who do not have a choice.

 

What do I mean by that? Last winter we had a huge snowstorm followed by ice that kept everyone pretty much housebound for several days. When I eventually ventured out to the grocery store, only a limited number of parking spots were available because of all the piled-up snow.

 

The only ones unoccupied were the five designated handicap spots--all thoroughly cleared of ice and snow.

 

As I finished my fourth circuit of the lot, a "regular" spot finally opened up, and it was right next to the handicap ones.

 

There was one car ahead of me, but it bore handicap tags so all would be well--I thought!

 

To my dismay, it pulled into the "regular" spot! When the driver got out, she was an ancient-looking woman who leaned heavily on her walker.

 

She was obviously entitled to the handicap spot, so I rolled down my window and asked her very politely and gently why she had not used it--since not doing so left me with no place to park.

 

"Oh, Honey," she replied, "I always leave those spaces for people who really need them."

 

I started my fifth circuit of the lot. Sigh.

[kitty9]

You cannot possibly know if the "waiting" is "worse" for a person with a disability or not. This is precisely the point of this thread. People should not make assumptions about the abilities of others. The need for quick access to toilet facilities is usual an invisible disability.

 

I'm afraid that Patty1955 has absolutely no idea of what many issues can accompany being disabled. There are many issues that disabled people face that requires a quick access to their accessible stall. If not, there are some not so good consequences.

[patty1955]

I'm afraid that Patty1955 has absolutely no idea of what many issues can accompany being disabled. There are many issues that disabled people face that requires a quick access to their accessible stall. If not, there are some not so good consequences.

Actually, I have a very good idea of the issues. As I stated earlier, I have "hidden" disabilities. Add to that my husband is on disability after hip replacement, shoulder surgery, COPD, etc.

I guess I missed the point of this thread. I thought it was about not making judgments without having all the fact.

[jonsmum]

The thing that does upset me though is when perfectly able bodied people use disabled facilities. They see an unused disabled toilet and think that it just won't matter if they "pop" in and use it. The trouble is.... I might have misjudged the distance and time needed to walk to that disabled toilet, I might be in increasing need to sit..... never mind the use its purpose aspect of it. Every moment I have to wait to use it matters.....

 

It is this sort of attitude that really riles me. I have an invisible disability that makes my need to use disabled facilities as genuine as those with 'visible' disabilities. I do not wear a sign around my neck that says I have a problem that requires that I have instant access to 'the bathroom'. Why should I? Just because you can't see my problem does not mean it doesn't exist. This attitude is what this thread is all about.

 

Please people, next time you see an 'able bodied' person using disabled facilities, think before making a judgement.