Mom trying to plan a trip with resistant teens

[zqvol]

So months ago, I put a deposit down on a cruise (Sunshine) out of PCL on 12/26. We are a family of 5 and oldest is in Jr. year college, middle child a Sr in HS and youngest a sophomore. We live in Atlanta a distance from any of our extended family. We have taken care of my father and now my mother in Florida. We go to Florida every year for Christmas and I usually plan a "recovery cruise" immediately following where it's just the 5 of us.

 

Sadly, we haven't spent a whole lot of holidays at home,rather in FLA with my parents. Don't get me wrong FLA is a great place to be over any holiday! So the kids are getting older and schedules don't really mesh except for holidays in December/January. Full disclosure -we have done cruises for the past 4 Christmas Holidays and have enjoyed them all. We have never done a 7 day - always 4 or 5 day because of our varying schedules.

 

SO this year I have a Sr in High school who thinks that his Senior year commitments should cancel out our long standing vacation plans. It's a 5 day -leaving after Christmas day and we are home before the ball drops on New Year's. He is pitching a huge fit that we don't go. His sisters 15 & 20 are fine with it. I am big on family time and family cohesiveness so I am torn. I've lost both my parents and I want to instill a strong sense of family & solidarity. Also want this 17+ year old kid to see it's not all about him. Things could be a whole lot worse than Key West and Half Moon Bay in December!

 

He would miss 3 days of a 1.5 hr practice, but he feels as a captain he should not go. This is the only time the 5 of us have together and I have to take what time I have left with them under my roof -to instill the important stuff. We have never ruled our lives by sports or school allegiances. Just family centered.

 

Has anyone else ever really felt blow back when planning a cruise for the family? I have until October to make the final payment and I am hoping for a compromise, but also don't want to put money down just to lose it. (won't)

 

I know boo hoo - please haters just move on. I'd just like to know what you think you would do when what my gut as a parent says for this one last time, I make the call. Or listen to this almost 18 year old and we do nothing.

 

Also did I mention his interest in colleges...Maritime and Hotel Restaurant/ Management !

Go figure!

And yes - I do suspect a girl is involved in his protests.

Thanks for reading this poor rant!

Looking forward to the Sunshine in December, but fear the sunshine will go down on me and no cruise for us this year.

 

It is foolish that as parents we allow the schools to take so much of the "vacation time" away from our children. Holidays are for family, not school events of any kind. We had the same issue and told the kids how is was going to be and they went with us. End of discussion, end of story.

[FLcruisergrl]

Totally agree with the above poster. Schools and school sports already get practically every day of the week during the school year. Thanksgiving break, Christmas break...those are FAMILY time.

[Computer Nerd]

It's not quite that easy for this kid though. He has a responsibility to his team and to his coach. A responsibility he accepted before mom decided to go on a vacation. His job right now is to be a leader on his team, and sometimes a persons job interferes with family life. To me, preparing a kid for adult life is teaching them that when they make a commitment, they must follow through with it.

 

 

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i agree he has multiple responsibilities but imo, his first responsibility is to his family.

 

i had a son on the track team. he had a responsibility to his team as well. during the middle of his senior year the year the coach decides to tell everyone, 2 weeks before christmas, that he wants all of his runners to stay home for a training camp. i told the coach myself that my son would not be there as we had family plans and if there was any retribution against my son for following my orders instead of his orders, there would be hell to pay from me. my son went on our family vacation and my son was still the fastest long distance runner on the team. now he is on active duty in the usaf and a fine airman who knows how to follow proper orders.

[rbird]

I feel your pain OP.

Trying to get everyone together for vacation is a challenge once they start college, have jobs etc.

If he really pushes back, then I would just go without him. That's a hard pill to swallow as a parent. But as some posters said before, he is essentially "breaking up with you" in preparation for college and making choices. I would however make arrangements for someone to check in on him. We all know the things we did when the parents were away. And no matter how good the boy is I would have an insurance plan...aka someone checking in. My house/My rules kind of thing and afterall it's the holidays, he could go to dinner over a friends house. .

Again, I feel your pain OP. Go with the others and order a strong drink when you start to feel quilty about leaving him.

Besides it's expensive taking ALL the kid's when your paying the adult rate.:D

[graphicguy]

I raised two...a son and a daughter (now in their early-late 20s). My rule of thumb....no teacher, coach, friend, child, relative, etc over ruled my deicisions and guidance when they were under 18.

 

Over 18? They chose their own path. And whatever benefit or consequence that resulted was on them.

 

I know on occasion, they thought I was an ogre because I was the authority figure and didn't always go along the way they thought I should.

 

Most irritating were some coaches and teachers (and even some church folks) would communicate their misgivings to my kids to communicate back to me. That, in and of itself, told me they weren't the sort of people I wanted my children to look up to. Communicate with me about my decisions, not my kids. It put my kids in a bad position.

 

BTW...they both are college graduates and they both own their own companies and are quite successful.

 

In brief...do what is best for those who actually want to join you. Under 18? You're decision whether they should go or not. Over 18? They choose (and subsequently hear the stories of the good time they missed).

Edited September 6, 2016 by graphicguy

[JenSDCA]

I'm a mom of two high schoolers. I am astounded by how much "free" time is eaten up by coaches, or in our case directors. Even teachers now assign massive projects to be completed over holidays! I'm torn by this. I absolutely believe that family should have some time that is theirs alone. I also believe that commitments should be honored. If a child signed on to do something, knowing how much time it would take, they need to honor their promise. But if the coach suddenly added practices over break at the last minute, the parent is well within their rights to tell them "sorry, no can do".

 

I find myself in the other boat - son's music is taking him to Hawaii in the spring, but I have another son and an elderly mother in law who cannot spare me to chaperone. So I will honor my commitment and miss the trip. (Pout pout)

[luvtheships]

I'm offering to take my 10 th grader back to Italy next spring break because the weather is cooler in April versus July and cheaper too but nope....she would rather give up 2 weeks July ...where she earns a fortune happily babysitting ...why? Because she can't spare her spring break time for a trip....because she has too much work over the break. I'm glad she is a very high achiever and I'm a college prof myself....but excessive schoolwork over spring break that makes the kids reject a family trip....just not good

 

Oh any my 10th grader is very well traveled and loves it so it's not like she doesn't want to go ...it's that she has too much work

 

 

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[sswv]

I truly appreciate and have listened to all of your replies/advice. It was all informative and enlightening. I really never thought how much this may or may not be an issue for a family vacation!

 

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and thoughts with me (cc) . I guess I got caught up with my own situation with teenage kids and aging parents that I thought no one would ever get this "dilemma" I felt.

 

But you do and you did and I thank everyone who took the time to tell me their opinion in a non shaming way! I will not forget your kindness and when I can I will pass it on to other CC parents/couples.

 

I haven't decided yet, but you have definitely opened up my options. Thank you all for helping me brace for yet another HS senior year!