Trans cruising

[Louisa.uk]

Hello everyone.

 I know it's along time away. My friend and I are taking our first cruise together in May next year (2021) with Marella in the Adriatic. (We are travelling companions)

I am a transsexual (male to female) in the very early stages of my transition and I am wondering if anyone has had any experience with this kind of situation either themselves or met people like myself whilst on a cruise.

 I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly have to go through customs presenting myself as a male as that is what is currently displayed on my passport and other ID and added to the fact the holiday itself has been booked in my male name.

 I am wondering, if once I have embarked on to the ship would there be a problem with me presenting myself as my true female self?

I am not wanting to cause any other passengers or any of the crew any discomfort or put them in any position they do not want to be in. At the same time I am not wanting to put my travelling companion or myself in a position to be harassed or upset either.

 We are really looking forward to this holiday and would hope in this day and age most people wouldn't care less as long as we weren't rude or obnoxious (Which we are not)

I do not intend to present myself in an outlandish or loud way, in fact in an ideal world I would just mingle and socialise and hopefully make new friends just like anyone else would.

 If anyone has any words of advice it would be greatly appreciated, If any of the Marella staff happen to read this and could contribute that would be great also.

 Thank you for taking your time to read this, I am really looking forward to this cruise and hope to enjoy it along with all of the rest of the passengers on board.

 

Louisa

[pacruise804]

Welcome to Cruise Critic 🙂 I thought your post was about Trans-Atlantic or Trans-Pacific cruising, not transgender so my advice is from someone who isn't very familiar with what you might encounter (to be fair I haven't yet done an ocean crossing either 😉).

 

I would hope that being respectful of others that they would be respectful of you, but I am also not naive enough to realize that won't always be the case.  I sincerely appreciate your concern for others comfort.  If I use any offensive language please know that isn't my intent, I'm just not well versed on what the "proper" terms are.

 

My husband and I have never had any issue of our gender being questioned (and identify with how we were born), but he looks very masculine (facial and body hair) and I look very feminine (full-figured - especially after carrying 2 children).  I have seen people who I really have no idea if they are male or female, fashion allows for a lot of ambiguity.  The main areas that I can see being a potential concern are poolside, the fitness area/spa, and public restrooms.  At the pool I would opt for a rash guard or staying in a cover-up as much as possible.  I personally would avoid any gender specific spa areas, but a coed spa should be fine as long as you are in swimsuit.  My remembrance of the restrooms are a heavy door that people should only see feet if looking for an open stall so that might not be an issue.

 

If your name appears on your ship card that might be confusing for staff, but I'm sure they have encountered different given name vs. goes by name before (and possibly trans situation too).  I had both an Aunt Lou and an Uncle Louie, so just hearing your name wouldn't make me assume one or the other.

 

Discrete make-up and jewelry (vs. over the top) and ensuring no 5:00 stubble should help others from questioning.

 

Best wishes for your cruise. 

[ColeThornton]

Louisa, I don't have an answer for you on this but I just wanted to point out that here on Cruise Critic they also have a LGBT cruising forum.   You may want to copy and post on that forum to get advice from people who have been in similar circumstances.  Here is the link for you.

 

https://boards.cruisecritic.com/forum/97-gay-amp-lesbian-cruisers/

 

Enjoy your cruise.

[Host Kat]

@Louisa.uk

 

Howdy from Texas and welcome to Cruise Critic!!  

 

Thank you for your new thread on the Ask a Cruise Question forum that is for general questions about cruising. 👍 

 

To help you out, I have moved this thread to the Gay & Lesbian Cruisers forum where it will be more on-topic. Please browse through the thread titles on this new forum looking for threads of interest. You will probably find your fellow Cruise Critic members have already posted questions and received answers that will be of interest to you.  

 

I sincerely hope this will be helpful and glad to have you aboard Cruise Critic!

 

Happy sails,

 

Host Kat

[Louisa.uk]

Hi everyone

 Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post and point out that this particular forum is available.

I should have possibly have titled my post differently to save any confusion on the subject matter.

That being said I would actually like to share this discussion with other cruise passengers that do not fit into this category.

I may either rightly or wrongly assume that for the most part the majority of cruise goers on board at any one time do not fit into the LGBT category and thus they are the ones that I am more likely to come in contact with and I am interested in their thoughts on this subject just as much as from people from the LGBT community.

 As I stated in my original post, I am not out to shock, upset or make any other passengers or crew feel uncomfortable and likewise as I said previously,  I do not want to my travelling companion or myself to be harassed or open to hostility either.

 We are friendly, sociable and respectful people and we would like to enjoy our holiday as much as anyone else.

Thank you pacruise804 for taking the time to reply, If necessary I will use the bathroom in the cabin, it may be a bit of a nuisance to do that but if it is what is required then that is what I will do. I would like to visit the spa but I will enquire about that once on board and discuss the options available for the comfort and piece of mind for all.

 It may well be that I am worrying about nothing and it will turn out to be the greatest holiday I have ever had (I do so hope so)

Again any comments and advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Happy Cruising

 

Louisa

[pacruise804]

Loisa, 

 

I am heterosexual, conservative Christian and don't frequent the G&L forum - so I'm glad I found your post and was able to help 🙂 I also didn't suggest that forum since it doesn't list Trans in the title and I thought you might face a different set of issues (like restrooms/spa).

 

If you "look" female then restrooms should't be an issue - especially if the doors don't have a gap on the vertical where someone could accidentally see in when checking for an empty stall.

 

You should be able to do a spa tour fully dressed, and can hopefully assess how easy it is to use.  An open locker room or single gender sauna/steam might cause issues, but private changing rooms (or using a robe/cover-up between spa and cabin) and mixed gender spa where everyone is in swimwear should be fine.  I'm not familiar with Marella ships to know how their layout is.

 

Regrettably it would only take one extra-sensitive passenger to make the cruise unpleasant 😞 I wish you a relaxing, trouble free cruise 🙂  

[zitsky]

@Louisa.uk welcome!  Do not feel the need to apologize for anything.  You are who you are and have every right to use the services that make you the most comfortable.

[Lexi Smith]

On 2/4/2020 at 7:23 AM, Louisa.uk said:

Hello everyone.

 I know it's along time away. My friend and I are taking our first cruise together in May next year (2021) with Marella in the Adriatic. (We are travelling companions)

I am a transsexual (male to female) in the very early stages of my transition and I am wondering if anyone has had any experience with this kind of situation either themselves or met people like myself whilst on a cruise.

 I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly have to go through customs presenting myself as a male as that is what is currently displayed on my passport and other ID and added to the fact the holiday itself has been booked in my male name.

 I am wondering, if once I have embarked on to the ship would there be a problem with me presenting myself as my true female self?

I am not wanting to cause any other passengers or any of the crew any discomfort or put them in any position they do not want to be in. At the same time I am not wanting to put my travelling companion or myself in a position to be harassed or upset either.

 We are really looking forward to this holiday and would hope in this day and age most people wouldn't care less as long as we weren't rude or obnoxious (Which we are not)

I do not intend to present myself in an outlandish or loud way, in fact in an ideal world I would just mingle and socializee and hopefully make new friends just like anyone else would.

 If anyone has any words of advice it would be greatly appreciated, If any of the Marella staff happen to read this and could contribute that would be great also.

 Thank you for taking your time to read this, I am really looking forward to this cruise and hope to enjoy it along with all of the rest of the passengers on board.

 

Louisa

Louisa

 

Hi!  I'm Lexi and also a transgirl.  I, too, have not fully transitioned and still present male, if needed, at times.  I get what you are asking.

 

My wife and I went on Symphony of the Seas last June.  I did go through customs male with some makeup, and had no issues.  Hormones these days have a majority of people calling me ma'am anyway so I do feel that has helped at times.  Once aboard, I felt very comfortable dressing anyway that I wanted and presented female most all of the times.  Never once did I have any issues with staff or other guests. I felt entirely safe and comfortable during the whole cruise.  The only place I felt a little uncomfortable was due to a few odd glances at the pool but shrugged them off.  No biggee. 

My wife and I even met two other couples, while onboard and enjoyed drinks and activities with them on several occasions.

 

Here's how I see it.  It's YOUR cruise and no one else should be allowed to dictate how you want to look.  Period.  I struggled last year with the decision on what to do and my wife said that I should do whatever I desired.  Best advice EVER!  Lol!  I did just that an do not regret it one bit!  Also, if it makes others uncomfortable or not at ease because they don't agree with someone being transgender, then that is there problem to deal with.  Not for you to worry about.

 

We are going on Harmony of the Seas on May 31st and I know that this time, I will not hesitate to be myself. For what its worth, RCI supposedly has a solid track record in diversity training and such.

 

Take care and I hope that this helps some.

 

Lexi Smith

 

[Louisa.uk]

Hi Lexi

 Thank you for your words of encouragement and support.

I do intend on presenting my true self with the hope that I won't offend anyone. I agree to a certain extent that it is my cruise for which I have paid for and have every right to enjoy it just as much as anyone else.

 I would hope that most people would at least take a bit of time to get to know me before judging me.

My travelling companion is a red blooded heterosexual male but is so supportive. We have known each other for years and he didn't bat an eyelid when I told him about my true self. In fact, like your good wife he is encouraging me to be more open about myself and not to worry so much what anyone else thinks (easier said than done).

 I assume you have been on a cruise a number of times and may I ask if in general most of the other passengers are sociable and willing to converse and maybe share a few drinks and a laugh with others or do they tend to keep themselves to themselves?.

 Thank you once again for your words of support.

 

Louisa 

[zitsky]

You asked Lexi but I would say it's a mix some friendly, some not. Do go to any Cruise Critic parties or sail away at Sunset Bar.  There might even be an LGBT meet up.

[Lexi Smith]

Yes Louisa, I have found that people are very approachable and nice in nature. You know, in our divierte today if social media and such, it’s so much easier to say nasty things about others when you are not in their face. Therefore, I feel that people are more genuine in their acceptance when given an opportunity to get to know one of us. Harder to be mean to someone’s face, no matter what they tell you otherwise. 
 

My wife and I were able to easily socialize with others and do not think we had any problem at all with being accepted. We felt there were no issues at all. 
 

Yes, it is a very social place where it is really easy to mingle and socialize with others. We have always met like minded people. My wife is a social butterfly, and while a great judge of character, meets no strangers. 
 

Go, make memories, enjoy and have a blast. :-)

 

Lexi

[SophieJanine]

Hi Louisa,

 

I am a transgender woman and did a lot of cruises. I never had any big problems while doing a cruise.

 

A lot of people are not well informed and unsecure about trans people. So you will always find travellers and crew on the ship who doesn't know "how to handle you". Some will give you angry looks, but the majority will not notice you or will be neutral.

 

I don't think that "do what you like" gives you a nice holiday. To have a nice time you need two things. A good self-confidence and respect for other travellers and crew. This will mostly be reflected to you.

 

Self confidence gives you the possibility to overhear bad comments a angry looks. The most important thing is your passing. You have to show, that it is important to you to be seen and treated as a woman. This is best done with good make-up, well-groomed appearance and appropriate clothing. Fellow travelers and crew deserve this respect.

 

And do not forget. The impression you leave will shape the image of other travelers and crew about trans women and is also important for subsequent travelers in the same situation.

 

Have a nice time on your cruise....

Sophie-Janine

[zitsky]

Consider that some people may use the wrong pronouns.  It could be an honest mistake and not meant maliciously.   I think clothing and makeup really help.