goofysmom99 Posted September 12, 2020 #1251 Share Posted September 12, 2020 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted September 13, 2020 #1252 Share Posted September 13, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny01 Posted September 13, 2020 #1253 Share Posted September 13, 2020 A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present to the class what they had found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.“It’s a period” he replied.“ I can see that “ said the teacher. “ but what is so exciting about a period?”“Darned if I know!” said the boy, “ but yesterday my sister was missing one. Mom fainted, Dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy!" Den 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted September 13, 2020 Author #1254 Share Posted September 13, 2020 A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary office. As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully. A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“ The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry. “Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes. “Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“ “But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything, have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.” The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room. A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head. The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room. A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room. The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“ The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150. “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity. The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“ 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted September 13, 2020 Author #1255 Share Posted September 13, 2020 Music legend, Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth, the UK’s longest-serving monarch, sadly pass away on exactly the same day. They find themselves standing together at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter. St Peter studiously reviews his cloud-connected, tablet computer momentarily before saying, “Ladies, I have some bad news for you I’m afraid. We’ve had a lot of admissions to Heaven today, so there’s only one place left. Therefore I must ask you both to give me one good reason why you should be the one to take that place. And of course, the best reason will get the place.” These two ladies glance at each other briefly and then Dolly opens her blouse quickly to reveal her very impressive assets. She then says to St Peter, “These are the finest in Creation and I’m confident the Lord would want the opportunity to admire the results of his excellent work each and every day for eternity.” “Thank you, Dolly,” says St Peter. He then looks at Her Royal Highness, the Queen and says, “Your Majesty, what’s your reason?” Now, right next to the Pearly Gates is a restroom for the convenience not only of St Peter himself but also for every soul standing in line awaiting a decision as to whether they’ll be admitted to Heaven. Her Royal Highness says absolutely nothing in response to St Peter’s question but she walks into the restroom and flushes the toilet. She then returns to stand next to Dolly and await St Peter’s decision. St Peter spends a moment considering the matter and he then says, “Your Majesty, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.” Naturally, Dolly is less than happy with his decision. “Now just hold it a minute there fella!” says Dolly. “I reveal the finest pair ever created and all she does is flush the john. And then she gets admitted? How can that be right?” St Peter smiles at Dolly and says, “I understand why you’re not happy Dolly but you must accept that even in Heaven a Royal Flush beats a pair.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted September 13, 2020 Author #1256 Share Posted September 13, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goofysmom99 Posted September 14, 2020 #1257 Share Posted September 14, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted September 14, 2020 #1258 Share Posted September 14, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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goofysmom99 Posted September 15, 2020 #1260 Share Posted September 15, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobndee Posted September 16, 2020 #1261 Share Posted September 16, 2020 Saw this truck in my neighborhood . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted September 16, 2020 Author #1262 Share Posted September 16, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted September 16, 2020 Author #1263 Share Posted September 16, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted September 16, 2020 Author #1264 Share Posted September 16, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted September 16, 2020 #1265 Share Posted September 16, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare Von & John Posted September 16, 2020 #1266 Share Posted September 16, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare leck57 Posted September 17, 2020 #1267 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted September 17, 2020 #1268 Share Posted September 17, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goofysmom99 Posted September 17, 2020 #1269 Share Posted September 17, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dogs4fun Posted September 17, 2020 #1270 Share Posted September 17, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Rare C-Dragons Posted September 18, 2020 Author #1272 Share Posted September 18, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted September 19, 2020 #1273 Share Posted September 19, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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goofysmom99 Posted September 20, 2020 #1275 Share Posted September 20, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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