Share wine at dinner

[PRINSENDAM]

I

 

 

I hope that came out right. :D

 

 

Princess. Of course that came out right. And my wife says that we hope we sit with you on a future cruise!

 

Of course if everyone was as polite as you then there wouldn't be a problem. But think about the couple or even a solo passenger who sits at a table for eight. To offer a glass of wine to others at the table would mean ordering a minimum of two bottles... perhaps three. To have to purchase three bottles of wine to be able to enjoy a single glass? No way!

 

Recently on STATENDAm Ruth and I shared a table for four. We knew the two other passengers so there was not going to be any problem. We bought one white and one red each evening. I purchased one evening and the other passengers purchased on the next evening.

 

Had the other couple not purchased wine I would surely not have shared my wine with them... every evening for two weeks. No reason to do that at all no matter how friendly we were.

 

On one cruise (not HAL) I bought wine for the whole table... eight people....I was travelling alone. I asked for two bottles every night for three nights. Not a problem... the wine was costing about $8 per bottle (Nice stuff too!). On the fourth night everyone at the table declined my offer. I continued to offer because I like to drink wine and I figured sooner or later the others would start buying. So.. here were seven people who drank wine but wouldn't dare buy one if it meant sharing. I was not impressed at all and told them so!!!!

 

Stephen

[JimandStan]

 

I continued to offer because I like to drink wine and I figured sooner or later the others would start buying. So.. here were seven people who drank wine but wouldn't dare buy one if it meant sharing. I was not impressed at all and told them so!!!!

 

Stephen

 

Bravo, Captain Card!

 

In effect, it is rude to order anything to a common table and not offer it to the others.

 

For goodness sakes, people, offer the wine! If your tablemates are so socially inept that they don't reciprocate, chalk it up to educating the masses. If nothing else, for the price of the extra wine, you've learned volumes about their character! And (we can only hope), you've set a good example.

 

We shrink from difficult situations because nobody has the nerve to chastize the boors.....why IS that?

 

Must everything sink to the lowest common denominator?

 

On a lighter note, Noel Coward once said, "I'm not a heavy drinker, I can go for hours without touching a drop!"

[jhannah]

Sadly, in many areas of society civility and proper demeanor have gone out the window. But that is another topic entirely, which is OT here. sigh.

[Maryandi]

We go on the cruise separately, we don't know our tablemates beforehand, we order the courses that we want. It is not gauche to order and keep our wine purchase to ourselves.

 

I don't expect anyone we are sitting with at a bar to buy us a drink and the same for the dining room.

 

The purchaser should direct the pourer as to where else to pour the wine besides the couple - if the person asks, I would not be happy and would want it known. Or when ordering - just say '2 glasses'.

 

So, we are happy with our table for 2 - no confusion - after many years of 4-6-8's:p

[Gardendog]

Heaven forbid, can't be a boor. I'll drink my Rubicon in the cabin or at the Pinnacle Grill and order a beer at the table. Do I have to share my glass of beer as well to not be a boor? Do I pass the Corona bottle with the wedge of lime around for everyone to take a swig?:eek:

 

Just kidding. :D

 

I don't order wine, I bring wine. There would always just be the one bottle, not enough to share with 8 people. As I said in the opening statement, we are not talking about some of the lower priced wines they sell. I recognize that HAL has a wide variety of wines, so would you share the $100 bottle? with people you just met.

 

What I have gathered from this, is that one should not bring special wines that you don't want to share with random table mates.

 

Even here in the US we share when we go out with friends. I have never bought a bottle of wine in a restaurant going out with friends, bussiness partners etc and not shared it. That is not done here either. Going out with friends we tend to split the bill every time. Others might take turns paying, but that's not how it is done usually around here.

 

On a cruise, however, I have never met these people at the table before, do they really become such good friends that one freely pours expensive wines for them?

 

This thread has taken a slightly different turn than my intentions. I guess that I set myself up for it.

 

So Iced tea it is.;)

[Gardendog]

We go on the cruise separately, we don't know our tablemates beforehand, we order the courses that we want. It is not gauche to order and keep our wine purchase to ourselves.

 

I don't expect anyone we are sitting with at a bar to buy us a drink and the same for the dining room.

 

The purchaser should direct the pourer as to where else to pour the wine besides the couple - if the person asks, I would not be happy and would want it known. Or when ordering - just say '2 glasses'.

 

So, we are happy with our table for 2 - no confusion - after many years of 4-6-8's:p

 

Perhaps we will ask for a table for 2, since wine is important to us. Don't want confusion. I do like the statement, 2 glasses please.

 

Thank you, you said it much better than I could. I feel much better about not sharing my toy.:p

[shonuf]

I'm ever more grateful I'm not a wine drinker. It was hard enough just carrying on a conversation with our table mates first night out without having this worry.

 

Besides, my favorite wine is a screw top; I bought 10 bottles on clearance at the drugstore for $1.12 each. :)

[PRINSENDAM]

 

Besides, my favorite wine is a screw top; I bought 10 bottles on clearance at the drugstore for $1.12 each. :)

 

 

 

Nothing wrong with screw tops!!!!! That is the way of the future. 90% of our wines of our recent STATENDAM cruise were screw tops.

 

The only thing that rankles is when you bring your own bottle to the table and the wine steward twists off the top... with great style mind you... and then presents you with an invoice for $15 corkage!!!!! It should be $15 for corks and $1.50 for screw tops!

 

Stephen

[SueSea]

In effect, it is rude to order anything to a common table and not offer it to the others. For goodness sakes, people, offer the wine! If your tablemates are so socially inept that they don't reciprocate, chalk it up to educating the masses. If nothing else, for the price of the extra wine, you've learned volumes about their character! And (we can only hope), you've set a good example.

 

Does that include my entree--shall I pass my plate? My dessert? How about if I order a soda? Or a cappucino after dinner? Hey, if I go to Medieval Times and sit at a table for 20, should I order cocktails for all? ;)

 

The problem with etiquette is that not everyone knows the correct behavior. Not everyone grows up at formal dinner tables where wine was served with dinner. Then there is the matter of cultural differences. What is right in one culture may not be correct in another. (My Dad grew up in an Italian family where all the kids were served wine with dinner.) You may find it rude not to share wine at dinner, and someone from a different culture may find it rude if you don't give them an object of yours that they expressed admiration for. Whose rules apply?

 

Tablemates don't always refuse to reciprocate because they have poor character. In fact, I think a better indicator of poor character is when people judge others based on their assumptions of what motivates people's behavior. And anyway, it's not necessary to buy someone wine in order to judge their character--those of poor character manage to make themselves known without any assistance.

[Bramcruiser]

Hmmm. I'm beginning to see why NCL does so well with freestyle and Princess with its Anytime Dining. Avoids confusion over table etiquette. I picked a line that still had traditional dining this year and am now am rethinking all this etiquette stuff.

 

Personally I don't think it is rude to not offer some wine if you decide to order it for yourselves at a table. Its a nice gesture but I don't think its a rule of etiquette. Getting drunk and being obnoxious is rude but quietly enjoying some wine with your dinner is a personal choice.

[ger_77]

Greta Larsson: If I were you, I'd bring along the wine you wish to drink and certainly enjoy it without having to share it with strangers. We've cruised with many couples who either bring their own wine or order a bottle for themselves, and we've never felt offended because they didn't offer to share with us. We always buy a bottle of wine, but I don't drink wine with dinner (just don't like to drink it then), so DH has it to himself. The waiter has always corked it again and brought what was left the following evening. DH didn't feel obligated to share with the rest of the table, while I was happy drinking water with my meal. I like a nice pre-dinner scotch, and often bring my unfinished drink to the dinner table.

 

On the other hand, we cruised with 4 other couples and we all took turns buying wine for the table every evening. Everybody knew they'd be drinking wine (except me), so it made sense that every couple would take their turn. Worked out well for everyone, but you can do that when you're with friends.

 

Smooth Sailing! :) :) :)

[Tricia724]

I have just read through these responses as I am fairly surprised that people would not offer their wine around the table. I most certainly would. Just as if I was in pub and was getting a another drink I would offer those in my company a drink even if I didn't know them well. For me it is not about receiving or wanting free drink from others but I see it as manners.:D

 

I fully agree with you about offering to share being good manners....I was raised that way, too. But I have had a few experiences that have changed the way I look at things. Over the years we have shared the wine we received from a travel agent with the table....only to find that some who drank our wine didn't share theirs. I thought that was rude. On one occasion I bought wine for the table several evenings because I had won money playing bingo. One of the women at the table always accepted a glass of wine and never drank any of it. I thought that was rude.

 

But the one that really got to me was four years ago when we shared a table for 4 with another couple. We enjoyed their company so much that we decided to buy wine for the table toward the end of the trip. We asked them to choose the wine they liked, and we ordered 2 bottles which were consumed over the course of two evenings. After the second bottle was finished, the wife decided she wanted more wine....so she called the wine steward over and ordered a glass for herself....and never asked anyone else. I didn't want any more wine, but I felt....right or wrong....like I had been slapped in the face. The wine steward was standing behind her, and if you could have seen the shocked look on the wine steward's face, you would know that I wasn't the only one taken back. And these were people who were European born, highly intelligent, well-traveled, and....I thought....way above us on the social scale. And....I thought that was rude.

 

When I'm with friends or friends of friends, I certainly offer, too. But these days I figure everyone can do their own thing. It's easier that way....and less stressful.

[iceman93]

What a fascinating thread! I don't know how I would handle these situations, as every cruise I've taken I've only sat with people from my own party.

 

My wife and I have become wine lovers, which means we have a bottle every night with dinner. And since we know what we like, most are in the $100+ price range. Were we with a table of "strangers", I'd like to think we would offer to share in the hopes that the gesture would be reciprocated when the time came. If it was a TRULY special bottle, I guess I would sheepishly explain that to my tablemates, expecting them to graciously say things like "Oh, we understand!" and "By all means, enjoy it!"

 

As for the matire'd, he's in an awkward position when someone orders wine at a large table. He may not know which of the guests are part of the same party. He certainly won't know the level of etiquette of the wine orderer or their intentions (but I love the suggestion of asking for a bottle of XYZ wine with two glasses, please). By asking the orderer how many glasses to pour, he has saved himself from what could be an etiquette faux pas if he assumes the bottle is for the whole table or if he assume it's only for two and has to be told to pour for others.

[lougee1043]

always an interesting subject-- on my last cruise we sat at a table for 8-

a couple we met on an earillier cruise and booked this one together- a friend of theirs that i had met on the earliler cruise and the 4th couple was one that i met on still another cruise --so the scorecard went like this

couple #1 knew all 4 couples

couple # 2 knew 3 couples

couple # 3 knew 3 couples

couple # 4 knew 1 couple

 

there was no offer of wine made by any of the couples to another couple -- in defense of #1 (myself) and couple #4 we did not order wine at dinner but we all had drinks -- had wine been offered we would have accepted and reciprocated the following nite

[babyher]

You know this really is an awkward situation.

 

I too usually cruise with a group of friends, so my tablemates have always been our group and sharing is not even an issue. We are all friends ....we just do :)

 

When you sit down at a table of strangers you do not know their circumstances. Maybe financially they can't reciprocate. Some people can't afford to buy drinks or bottles of wine for people they have never met.

 

In situations like some of the above posters have described , I have to sympathize with the wine steward too, Of course he doesn't want to offend any of the pax at the table, but sometimes he is in an awkward positio. Does he ask if the wine is for the table and tick off the couple that bought the bottle just for themselves. It can get sticky.

 

I will say there have been a lot of good replys and a lot of interesting points of view here :)

[WNYCRUISER]

The simplest answer for all........A table for two!

[Guest Celestia]

When you sit down at a table of strangers you do not know their circumstances. Maybe financially they can't reciprocate. Some people can't afford to buy drinks or bottles of wine for people they have never met.

 

Thank you, Babyher!

 

This has happened to us. We can eat just ourselves any time, so we rather enjoy a table for four so we have another couple to converse with. Most times the other couple will be much, much more 'well off' than we are. We save hard for cruising and do not purchase many 'extra fee' items at all... simply not in our budget. You'll not find us in the spa, the shops, or the extra fee restaurant either. A drink in the bar is a treat, once or twice a week, not an everyday thing.

 

When the other couple at the table calls for expensive bottles each night and persist in insisting that we taste it, or becomes insulted that we decline it because we KNOW we cannot afford to reciprocate in kind...($100 a bottle? - that would buy our groceries for over a week!), it creates a very uncomfortable situation.

 

PRINSENDAM, I very much respect your opinions on cruising but I would ask you to remember that for some of us, sharing round the table or paying on alternating nights would be a hardship, truly. We decline to share for a very good reason.

 

As I very much want to continue to cruise, and am willing to live very frugally for two or three years to afford a cruise, I'll continue to be what you call 'rude' and graciously decline to take any part in sharing bottles of wine round the table. I'm not going to purchase something I cannot afford on the basis of not being 'rude'. Nor will we accept a glass of your wine, however often offered, because we know we can't afford to reciprocate.

 

If that offends we'll start asking for a table for two, although I can tell you that is something very hard to come by once they know your stateroom is an inside steerage.

 

FW&FS,

 

Celestia

[PRINSENDAM]

 

On a lighter note, Noel Coward once said, "I'm not a heavy drinker, I can go for hours without touching a drop!"

 

 

 

I prefer the line by WC Fields...

"What contemptable scoundrel has removed the cork from my lunch?"

Stephen

[fairydustca]

Wow Celestia,

Thank You!!!!! You summed it up quite eloquently. Everyone is in a different financial reality. It is wonderful to "share" and there are times in my life when I have been able to do that very willingly. However, we all have ups and downs and our own priorities, and consequently we make the choices that make sense to us and our lifestyle. Cruising is a fun and relaxing treat...I love it, but have learned that I can only do what I can afford to do. I spend money on a cruise, but I cannot be indiscriminate about spending, so no, I could not reciprocate with a $100 bottle of wine (even though that would be very nice), it simply is not in my budget unless it was a special occasion. I could reciprocate with a more inexpensive bottle, but I would worry that that would add fuel to the fire.

 

I am reminded of the movie "Sideways" and the wine snobs who did not want to be around "merlot drinkers". :rolleyes: Everyone is different: it is what makes life interesting; some of us drink Dom Perignon, some drink Coronas with a lime, and others drink wine from Trader Joes's. That being said, I think I prefer to be seated at a table for 2 unless I have other travelling companions, to avoid any misunderstandings.:D

 

BTW, I also think everyone should be able to dress as they are comfortable, and not have to worry about someone elses vacation "being ruined" because they chose to go to the DR in "resort casual" rather than a tuxedo. Who Cares???:p

 

Just my own thoughts on this late evening...

[exgman]

 

This thread has taken a slightly different turn than my intentions. I guess that I set myself up for it.

 

So Iced tea it is.;)

 

Isn't that how all threads go?

[Hollyhawk]

room service; no corkage if you byow

[Hollyhawk]

If you prefer a table for two; order your dinner in your cabin, uncork your wine yourself (which you brought) and there is no problem.

[fairydustca]

Works for me!!

[babyher]

Thank you Celestia and Holidaygal

 

You both said it very nicely as well.

 

This thread got me to thinking.

 

Not even a week after we first moved in our home, the lady next door rings our bell. A real quick introduction and a half hearted welcome to the neighborhood. She just wondered if she could come in and see all the renovations the previous owners had done to the house.

 

About a year and a half before they sold the place, the previous owners did massive renovaions to the kitchen and upstairs and it was like the neighborhood passtime to see the workmen doing all this work wondering what they must be doing.

 

I guess this woman was bursting to see what they had done, and either didn't know these people well enough or didn't get along with them to get an invite. So she must have figured, new people , new opportunity.

 

At this point the furniture was pretty much in place, but we were still half living out of boxes , but we were happy and proud of our new home so we invited her in and she snooped around and made small talk.

 

We were still doing some painting and odds and ends around the house and hardly ready for company, but we put on a pot of coffee and we sat and talked with her a bit.

 

That was 11 years ago!!!!!! We have never even seen the inside of her house much less had an invitation to a cup of coffee. They have the same type house as we do, they both have very good jobs, and they entertain constantly, (huge parties and cookouts several times a year. We see them outside we always say hello and exchange pleasentries, but thats about it.

 

Why would I expect a total stranger at my dinner on a ship to share a bottle of wine with me?

[caviargal]

If you prefer a table for two; order your dinner in your cabin, uncork your wine yourself (which you brought) and there is no problem.

 

I prefer a table for two in the dining room, bring my own wine and am happy to pay a corkage fee to drink I enjoy.