Share wine at dinner

[lougee1043]

Why would I expect a total stranger at my dinner on a ship to share a bottle of wine with me?

 

because you dont live next door to each other lol

[lougee1043]

 

Not even a week after we first moved in our home, the lady next door rings our bell. A real quick introduction and a half hearted welcome to the neighborhood. quote]

 

i remember a story from a long time ago that takes place in an apartment in any city usa --the front door is open and there are boxes everywhere in the apartment and the lady from next door comes by to welcome them and to introduce herself and then she leaves ---the people in the apartment didnt have the heard to tell the woman that they had lived there for 10 years and were moving out

[RuthC]

i remember a story from a long time ago that takes place in an apartment in any city usa --the front door is open and there are boxes everywhere in the apartment and the lady from next door comes by to welcome them and to introduce herself and then she leaves ---the people in the apartment didnt have the heard to tell the woman that they had lived there for 10 years and were moving out

ROFL!:D

[PrincessYoga]

I am glad that came out right. I still think it is right to offer but I get what you are saying my mate in Sydney. I would love to share a wee drink with you and your wife :) . I would offer even if was a soda or whatever but if someone was taking the stuffings I wouldn't have that

[PRINSENDAM]

 

When the other couple at the table calls for expensive bottles each night and persist in insisting that we taste it, or becomes insulted that we decline it because we KNOW we cannot afford to reciprocate in kind...($100 a bottle? - that would buy our groceries for over a week!), it creates a very uncomfortable situation.

 

PRINSENDAM, I very much respect your opinions on cruising but I would ask you to remember that for some of us, sharing round the table or paying on alternating nights would be a hardship, truly. We decline to share for a very good reason.

 

Celestia

 

Celestia,

 

I think you may have misunderstood my meaning somewhere. I think it is perfectly polite not to share with the rest of the table. I also think it is perfectly polite to decline an offer. And it is perfectly polite to decline an offer of wine and then order your own bottle or single glass... as you wish. But I do think it is impropper to drink someone elses wine more than once and then not reciprocate on another occassion. No one is on board to subsidise anyone else's bar account!

 

Stephen

[kingclick]

Celestia,

 

I think you may have misunderstood my meaning somewhere. I think it is perfectly polite not to share with the rest of the table. I also think it is perfectly polite to decline an offer. And it is perfectly polite to decline an offer of wine and then order your own bottle or single glass... as you wish. But I do think it is impropper to drink someone elses wine more than once and then not reciprocate on another occassion. No one is on board to subsidise anyone else's bar account!

 

Stephen

 

I'm sorry but if you don't wish to share....but expect PAYMENT for your kindness, then you might want to choose not to share.

 

It's like when a woman wants you to read her mind....These cruisers cannot read your mind when you are "offering" your wine as to know whether or not you wish repayment.

[babyher]

LOUGEE1043,

 

*LOL* very true , very true :)

 

Its so funny, like I said I have lived here 11 years.

 

Whenever I walk my dog , people driving up and down the street always beep and wave, but I have no idea what most of their names are or which house they live in.

 

They would probably not even recognize me if they saw me someplace without the dog :)

[PRINSENDAM]

I'm sorry but if you don't wish to share....but expect PAYMENT for your kindness, then you might want to choose not to share.

 

 

I said nothing about payment for a shared bottle of wine. The polite thing to do is reciprocate on another occassion. If you do not intend to reciprocate then do not accept. That message should be loud and clear to everyone.

 

It's like when a woman wants you to read her mind....These cruisers cannot read your mind when you are "offering" your wine as to know whether or not you wish repayment.

 

Come now.... it is the common practice the world over... if someone shouts a round then you shout back.

 

 

The whole idea behind this is to make the dining experience simple and easy for everyone.

 

First night on board you offer a glass to everyone at the table. No problem.

 

What do you do on the second night? Wait for someone else to order a bottle? Order a bottle and again share it around? Order a bottle for yourself and not share it around?

 

What about the third night? Order another bottle and share it around? Or do you simply stop ordering wine at dinner? Then I suffer because I enjoy wine with my dinner but I am not willing to give wine to strangers every night.

 

My point is.... it is not impolite to order your own bottle and keep it to yourself. It makes life much easier for everyone.

 

Stephen

[kingclick]

My point is.... it is not impolite to order your own bottle and keep it to yourself. It makes life much easier for everyone.

 

Stephen

 

THIS point I can agree with. At the beginning of this thread I was of a different idea but I now see that this is really fine. You are after all FORCED into sitting with these strangers.

 

I however cannot agree with the idea that one should expect reciprocation for something that is freely offered. If you are expecting something in return it is NOT freely given.

 

If I offer wine to my table or dinner to a friend it is just that. An offer of dinner, not a silent unspoken exchange of dinners or wine.

 

Either offer your wine or don't. But PLEASE don't hope that your tablemates can read your mind that your really do expect them to pay you for the wine you have offered them. The payment may not be expected in money, but most assuredly you expect payment in wine.

[herb]

I must say, this thread is so refreshing from the usual attire and smoking threads...

 

I find this discussion very interesting because we've never even thought of that scenario since we sail with a group of friends and therefore have never had strangers sitting with us in the dining room .....

[caviargal]

We went to a tasting at our favorite wine store and picked up 6 bottles for our upcoming cruise, several new and recommended by our favorite wine consultant.

 

As group leader for 181 pax on this voyage, I worked with HAL to put together a private tasting. For a nominal fee, they will supply waitstaff, cheese selection, glasses, etc, in a private location (in this case the piano bar) and allow us to bring our own wines aboard for our tasting.

 

We are doing this because myself and one of the group VIPs are oenophiles and wanted to sponsor a fun event. We are bringing aboard a variety of reds at different price points from various producers, most of which will be bit more unusual to those who are casual wine drinkers.

 

I mention this in case anyone else might sail with a group and enjoy such an event.

 

I will let everyone how it goes when I return.

[jascruise]

 

 

That was 11 years ago!!!!!! We have never even seen the inside of her house much less had an invitation to a cup of coffee. They have the same type house as we do, they both have very good jobs, and they entertain constantly, (huge parties and cookouts several times a year. We see them outside we always say hello and exchange pleasentries, but thats about it.

 

 

 

WOW!!! They live in your neighborhood, too??!!

[lougee1043]

WOW!!! They live in your neighborhood, too??!!

 

yeah on wisteria lane

[PRINSENDAM]

THIS point I can agree with. At the beginning of this thread I was of a different idea but I now see that this is really fine. You are after all FORCED into sitting with these strangers.

 

Yes, this is the whole point of the discussion. If you are sitting with friends the situation doesn't arise. It can all be discussed freely and openly.

 

 

I however cannot agree with the idea that one should expect reciprocation for something that is freely offered. If you are expecting something in return it is NOT freely given.

 

If one WANTS to share a bottle of wine with a group of strangers at table without any thought of expecting something in return that is just fine. Nothing would be nicer than to say to a group, "Here, come share my wine with me and lets have fun!"

 

 

 

If I offer wine to my table or dinner to a friend it is just that. An offer of dinner, not a silent unspoken exchange of dinners or wine.

 

Again, on one night of a cruise if you want to pass the bottle around the table to a group of strangers that is fine, but what happens on the next night and the night after that? No one in their right mind would expect a stranger to give them wine every night of a cruise without returning the complement. One night not a problem... two, three, four, five, six or seven nights and that IS a problem.

 

 

But PLEASE don't hope that your tablemates can read your mind that your really do expect them to pay you for the wine you have offered them.

 

I'm sure Judge Wopner would have something to say on the matter. Something about 'reasonable expectations'. :o

Stephen

[berry22192]

I have just read through these responses as I am fairly surprised that people would not offer their wine around the table. I most certainly would. Just as if I was in pub and was getting a another drink I would offer those in my company a drink even if I didn't know them well.

I hope this doesn't start anything as that certainly isn't my intention but part of me wonders if it is cultural. Are most passengers from North America? When I lived in the US it seemed less likely that people would offer around but in Ireland it is rude not to.

 

I asked a recent question about 'wine etiquette' on the Cunard Line thread little realizing [until I was kindly informed] that this same topic was well underway here.

 

As someone who has lived on both sides of The Pond I think I should pick up on Princess Yoga's point about cultural differences. The problem about wine really arises when people with different expectations, and yes different manners, sit together at the same dining table. In Britain, for instance, there is an understanding that one person will buy the first "round" and someone else will buy the second. In the States it is usually done differently: one person pays the group bill and everyone else pays the 'stuckee' for his or her portion.

 

So what have I learned for our next voyage? Initially we shall probably order wine by the glass [if possible] for the first few dinners. As time goes by we hope the table can come to some agreement about each party taking it in turns to furnish the wine for the evening.

 

Ah manners, that is another issue, but let me stoke the fire!

Any thoughts about elbows on the table?

The placement of knife and fork after the meal is finished?

The gentleman assisting with the lady's chair? [which doesn't seem to happen much in the UK].

The 'correct' way to spoon soup...?

[babyher]

yeah on wisteria lane

 

 

*LOL*

 

I wish I lived on Wisteria Lane, I would make it a point to be a good neighbor to Gabrielle :).

[lougee1043]

Ah manners, that is another issue, but let me stoke the fire!

Any thoughts about elbows on the table?

The placement of knife and fork after the meal is finished?

The gentleman assisting with the lady's chair? [which doesn't seem to happen much in the UK].

The 'correct' way to spoon soup...?

 

dont worry you wont be disappointed --- you will see all manner of things in the dining room that we go against one culture or another --by and by most of the pax are civilized enough not to steal the silverware

 

i personally ahve been known to put an elbow on the table during conversation--- i put my knife and fork across the top of the plate parallel to each other ---- i will generally pull my wifes chair out -- sometimes the waiter will do it if he is there

 

you are supposed to spoon soup away from the eater-- either way imo is fine --just dont pick up the bowl and slurp directly

[jhannah]

--by and by most of the pax are civilized enough not to steal the silverware.

True. But not always. A search on eBay at most any given time will reveal various pieces of Holland America silver service for sale.

[PRINSENDAM]

In Britain, for instance, there is an understanding that one person will buy the first "round" and someone else will buy the second. In the States it is usually done differently: one person pays the group bill and everyone else pays the 'stuckee' for his or her portion.

 

. quote]

 

 

Exactly. And this is why I cannot accept that any tablemates could misunderstand the concept of 'you puy one night, I'll buy the next'. If they don't want to join in then they simply decline when offred. In Australia it is a hanging offence for someone not return a round.

 

Stephen

[babyher]

In Britain, for instance, there is an understanding that one person will buy the first "round" and someone else will buy the second. In the States it is usually done differently: one person pays the group bill and everyone else pays the 'stuckee' for his or her portion.

 

. quote]

 

 

Exactly. And this is why I cannot accept that any tablemates could misunderstand the concept of 'you puy one night, I'll buy the next'. If they don't want to join in then they simply decline when offred. In Australia it is a hanging offence for someone not return a round.

 

Stephen

 

 

I know that is the way my circle of friends do it, whether on a ship or just in a bar , We have all known eachother a million years and we know that is the drill. But when seated with a group of strangers, who knows what they are thinking.

[PRINSENDAM]

[

 

 

I know that is the way my circle of friends do it, whether on a ship or just in a bar , We have all known eachother a million years and we know that is the drill. But when seated with a group of strangers, who knows what they are thinking.

 

 

 

Very true. So perhaps the best thing to do is discuss the situation with the table, "Good evening everyone. We would like to enjoy wine during our dinner. Would you prefer to order your own wine or would you like to share with us and then reciprocate on the following night??

 

The answer can only be, "Sure, we would like to." Or, "Sorry we don't drink much and would prefer to order our own.

 

The important thing is that no one feels any pressure into buying wine for strangers or feels pressure into returning the shout.

 

Cruise ships are strange places and the rules have to be different from on shore.

 

Stephen

[RuthC]

Where's Emily Post when you need her?

Once upon a time every lady had her own copy of Emily Post. We all knew the rules we were expected to follow. Whether or not you liked the rules, or agreed with them, or even if they made no sense didn't matter! They were the established rules and everyone was on the same page.

Sure made life a whole lot easier.

[localady]

Heck, I just wander into the dining room barefoot with my jeans shorts on and my lil' bitsy halter top. I don't rest my feet on the table till after dinner is served and drink my soup the fancy way they do in Japan, one slurp at a time. :)

I don't think I need all that silverware they litter the table with and to do my part by only using one spoon, folk and knife for the entire dinner. The Wine Steward is always has the strangest smile when he serves my Annie Greensprings and although I offer, no one at my table wants any!!;) :eek:

[SueSea]

Where's Emily Post when you need her?

Once upon a time every lady had her own copy of Emily Post. We all knew the rules we were expected to follow. Whether or not you liked the rules, or agreed with them, or even if they made no sense didn't matter! They were the established rules and everyone was on the same page.

Sure made life a whole lot easier.

 

I think I saw a movie about this. It was called The Stepford Wives! :D

[Guest Celestia]

I did misunderstand your post. I truly did read it as saying it was rude not to share rounds under any circumstances. I see now that is not what you meant.

 

Please accept my apology.

 

FW&FS,

Celestia