Tips needed for grandparent traveling with daughter’s family

[Betsynh]

My daughter has invited me to join her, my son-in-law and adorable 2-year-old grandson for a 6-night Carnival cruise next February (baby will be almost 3). She’s broached the idea of paying for a balcony cabin for me in exchange for child care. That way they get to have fun on their terms, and get to enjoy the little guy when they want to. Since my husband is a CPA, the timing would be great since I’m usually stuck home during tax season anyway.

 

I need advice on setting expectations ahead of time. Would a typical nanny be expected to provide 24/7 care? I was thinking they’d want help from bedtime to after breakfast so they can stay up late and sleep in… and I’d have some time to myself during the day or at least afternoons. If they’re paying for my cabin (which I could afford to pay for myself), is it reasonable that they “own” me? I am trying to be proactive so none of us are frustrated or hurt. Any suggestions? I love cruising, but don’t think it would be much fun to be on call 24/7 and basically sent to bed by 7:30-8pm every night. HELP!??!?

 

 

[Essiesmom]

First, is your daughter a stay-at-home mom?  Or does she work, and send your grandson to daycare?  Her expectations might mirror her current schedule.  

   Covid allowing, by next February Carnival might have their Camp Ocean for unvaccinated children back operational.  They take children from 2 up, and will change diapers.  They also have Night Owls in the evening for an hourly fee.  I think you should negotiate for three evenings each, so that you could attend a show or two, piano bar, etc.  Even have an adult beverage.  I think you should also study the itinerary.  There may be ports where they would want to take excursions that could not include the toddler.  You could care for him those days, but that does not mean you have to stay on the ship.  You could take him off, go to a beach, shopping, etc.  They should also take him to a beach.  Isn't a vacation about Family Time?  I believe there are also paid times in the kids club on port days, so you could roam the ship, participate in trivia, use the pools...  Remember that he must be toilet trained to use any of the pools.  No swim diapers allowed.  EM

[Betsynh]

10 hours ago, Essiesmom said:

First, is your daughter a stay-at-home mom?  Or does she work, and send your grandson to daycare?  Her expectations might mirror her current schedule.  

   Covid allowing, by next February Carnival might have their Camp Ocean for unvaccinated children back operational.  They take children from 2 up, and will change diapers.  They also have Night Owls in the evening for an hourly fee.  I think you should negotiate for three evenings each, so that you could attend a show or two, piano bar, etc.  Even have an adult beverage.  I think you should also study the itinerary.  There may be ports where they would want to take excursions that could not include the toddler.  You could care for him those days, but that does not mean you have to stay on the ship.  You could take him off, go to a beach, shopping, etc.  They should also take him to a beach.  Isn't a vacation about Family Time?  I believe there are also paid times in the kids club on port days, so you could roam the ship, participate in trivia, use the pools...  Remember that he must be toilet trained to use any of the pools.  No swim diapers allowed.  EM

 

This is soooo helpful! She IS a stay-home Mom and has only been away from him one night in 2 years, so she may actually want more time with him than I’m imagining. I love the idea of planning days in advance with added room for flexibility and such, and I love a good piano bar, so a night or two to relax myself would be welcome. Thank you!

[MamaWals]

Actually, it’s generally the opposite.  Stay at home moms generally want less time with their kids on vacation and working moms generally want more.  That being said, just ask her!  Explain your concerns.  She may want every other night, or a few hours each day.  

[Itchy&Scratchy]

OP, you have got to talk to your daughter and discuss HER expectations. Total strangers' expectations may be quite off. 🙂

I would assume that she may want you to spend time with him during his naps and some of the evening activities (like productions, comedy shows, etc.), and also help out when you all go ashore.

[oyme]

I think you should ask her. I'm a stay at home Mom and would love a lot of time apart but I'm also realistic. We'll be sailing with my inlaws and they've offered to help watch my 2 year old, their grandaughter a bit. But I know they are party people, especially my MIL so I will just be glad for what I can get. I know we'll have to compare notes ahead of time as to what we want to do and what they want to do. I'm really excited to go to that adults only deck for maybe an hour on a couple of days since I have 2 kids lol. I definitely want to see some comedy or go to trivia BUT my MIL loves those 2 things as well... I also love Karaoke which I think she can pass on that. She enjoys watching but she's not as into it as me. We have cruised together 2x already so I do have an idea what to expect.

 

Definitely talk it out. If it helps, I'd say $5 an hour would be a fair compensation for some babysitting. You could ask for $10. I'd say maybe not have her pay for your whole cabin or if she does maybe be prepared to give some back if you don't babysit much. She shouldn't own you by any means but I'd think if she paid your way she'd be expecting a lot of babysitting. Definitely set some boundaries before going! She might be better off paying for a nanny and their room.

[oyme]

Naps are huge! I know naptime would be a prime time for her to want to go out for a bit. At least for me naptime would be... usually when we're on a cruise if I don't have a sitter we stay in with our kiddo on our tablet and play games or watch movies while they nap but it'd be great if my inlaws were willing to do that. With that said, my current kiddo probably wouldn't sleep if she knew grandma/grandpa were there so I'd have to smuggle them in once she was completely out haha.

[willoL]

@Betsynh +1 on talking to your daughter about what she's envisioning, but going in with an open mind. Even if I paid for a cabin for a hired sitter, I would *NEVER* expect 24/7 availability. Those are slave labor conditions.

 

I'm a stay-at-home-mom, but I always enjoyed spending time with my kids on vacation anyway. Then again, before my mother passed away, she was an eager, hands-on grandmother who was willing to watch my kids when I came home to visit (or come stay at my home across the country if I paid the plane fare!) so I could join my husband on an occasional business trip or visit friends.

 

I paid to have my mom join me on a cruise with my youngest child when he was in preschool, so I don't think paying the fare implies anything in particular is expected. (I could afford it; my dad wouldn't find it a reasonable expense.) Then again, the three of us shared a cabin and did most things together on that trip: Grandma, Mom, and Kid.

 

Your daughter may also hope to spend family time with you (and her husband and child), or she may desperately want time to reconnect with her spouse. Those early years can be so exhausting! Do you live close to each other, or far apart? Do you get along well with your son-in-law? Did your family vacation with grandparents when your daughter was young? Those points may offer hints.

 

Since little kids go to bed early, I think the idea of trading off evenings so everyone can enjoy some of the nightlife makes sense, if that's what everyone is most looking forward to. Either that, or, if the nights are what the married couple really craves--dancing or shows--you "working" the bedtime shift but having your days free seems pretty reasonable.

 

I hope you get to do this, that the planning is easy because you are all interested in a similar arrangement, and that everyone ends up having a wonderful time. I really cherish the memories of taking my mother with us on a few family vacations. Those opportunities disappeared long before I expected them to be gone.

[kelkel2]

Ok, I’m a mom and my husband and I are taking our 4y old twins on their first cruise in January. 
I think it’s extremely important that you guys set expectations before you commit to going. Yes they’re paying for you, but are they wanting you to be around so they can go on a date night and eat together and maybe get drinks or something? Or maybe they want you to watch the kids while they do a non-kid friendly excursion? 
I completely agree with you not wanting to be 24/7, that would certainly  not be fun for you. 

[kitkat343]

You absolutely need to talk to your daughter ahead of time, especially since you can afford your own cabin.  We travel with the grandparents, and they have spent very little time watching our kids.  They do pay for themselves and basically do whatever they want on the cruise by themselves.  We meet up at mealtime, and some shore excursions (their choice - they can skip any excursions we pick that are too child-centric for them.  We knew that would be the case before we invited them, so there are no issues.

 

Camp carnival is open for vaccinated children, so I would assume they will open up for younger kids once the pediatric vaccine is more available and 2-4 year olds can be vaccinated.  Does your daughter plan on having your grandchild vacciated?  And if so, is your daughter willing to use Camp carnival for the two year old?  Is the 2 year old already in daycare and very social and easily separates from her parents (2 is iffy for independent activities, which is why so many lines start free drop off programs 3, because some 2 year olds love daycare/kids clubs and others get overwhelmed and can't stay).  I'd never survive a cruise in which I needed to be on call 24/7, but if the child was in camp ocean most of the day I actually might be okay with taking care of a grandchild all other hours if I didn't normally spend a lot of time with that child.

Edited June 27, 2022 by kitkat343

[Betsynh]

Thanks for all the tips! Plans changed and the new dates don’t work for me. These are all great ideas and I’ll definitely keep them in mind since I love cruising!

[kitkat343]

Great - the older your grandchild gets, the easier this will be (unless they have more grandkids!) since many 3 or 4 year olds love camp carnival and spend every open moment there, so you'll have a much easier time negotiating a reasonable workload with the mom.

[oyme]

On 7/6/2022 at 8:08 PM, kitkat343 said:

Great - the older your grandchild gets, the easier this will be (unless they have more grandkids!) since many 3 or 4 year olds love camp carnival and spend every open moment there, so you'll have a much easier time negotiating a reasonable workload with the mom.

Exactly this, as my oldest got older it was easier for a lot of reasons. Even if kids club were closed and I'd want to tote him to an activity it wasn't an issue. He loved learning how to fold towel animals or do crafts at those activities and we'd take him to trivia with us. He also loved the tea time where they serve teas and cookies/cakes. Biggest issue would be night time and adults ony things or say an adults only pool area.

Edited November 20, 2022 by oyme