Can i register my honeymoon cruise as wedding gifts?

[lovesublime]

I didn't want to do this but I can't help myself. I agree that it's tacky. To me, a honeymoon is an extension of the wedding. It's part of the whole wedding package that includes a rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, reception etc. Asking for help in paying for a cruise is no different than asking for help paying for the reception dinner or the flowers. It's not the guests responsibility to pay for those things. That includes the honeymoon. If you can't afford it, you don't go. Traditionally the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. Why doesn't your fiance's parents do that?

[Kurbanfan]

This topic has been beaten to death, but since you chose my post to quote, let me respond.

 

I am opposed to asking for contributions to the primary expenses of the honeymoon, because I think this is the same thing as asking for cash, and apparently I have a lot of company in that opinion. As many, many others have pointed out, a honeymoon cruise would have to be paid for before the invitations even go out, so what you would be really asking for is money to pay a bill you have already incurred.

 

Wedding registries are for items that the couple does not have but would like, not things they have already bought.

 

The way the OP clarified her intent is actually fine with me. She said she wants to register for "extras" like a massage or excursion or drinks/specialty dinner. I think that is acceptable, since it is something she has not already purchased, and "experiences" are a perfectly nice gift idea for a couple who has enough "things."

 

My point about TAs making more money was this: if people think others will help pay for their honeymoon, they might commit to more expensive honeymoons than they could afford on their own. That is how TA's benefit. Also, some (not all) charge a fee for the service, which may or may not exceed the cost of providing it.

 

 

My point was it is no different then buying something at a department store register. Regardless of how you feel. No I don't feel that is tacky. If they don't need household items why not give them something they can both enjoy.

And apparently I have alot of company in that opinion;)

We did this exact thing for good friends of ours...2nd marriage for both.

Have everything for the home. Their honeymoon was postponed due to work schedules so no they did not already pay for it. It was such a hit that they were able to bring their 2 children with them. They have pictures and memories of a lifetime due to their friends and family. Now that to me is worth way more then a crystal vase:rolleyes: But hey just my opinion......

[lovemylab]

Traditionally the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. Why doesn't your fiance's parents do that?

 

Please don't assume that every couple getting married has parents who can afford to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. Furthermore, I think it is rude to ask someone why their in-laws aren't paying for the honeymoon. Quite frankly, it's none of our business. I can tell you that if it has been my in-laws paying for our honeymoon there wouldn't have been one.

[paul929207]

I have to vote with those calling this tacky. It is tacky.

[cruisemom42]

They are not asking for cash. They would be setting up a registration with the TA. It would be no different then a dept. store. Instead of giving a gift of say dishes you would be given a gift of a cruise.

 

BTW the TA does not make more money if others help pay for the cruise:rolleyes:

 

 

To my mind there is a difference between giving someone something they need (e.g., pots and pans, dishes, bed linens) versus something they want but is a luxury, not a necessity (a cruise).

[CC Help Michell]

Wow, amazing variety of opinions here! Here's where I come down -- if I receive a wedding invitation from someone who is not in my close circle of friends/loved ones (or the child of the same), I normally RSVP "no" on the invite, and send a small ($20) gift card to some mainstream store.

 

When I receive an invitation from someone who IS in my close circle of friends/loved ones (or the child of the same) I make a phone call to my friend or their parent who is my friend, try to figure out what the couple truly wants/needs, and either send cash or put money on their account at a "location" they have chosen -- I don't give a darn if it's Macy's or a travel agency. I'm not their conscience, their mom, or Miss Manners. WHEN I choose to give a wedding gift it's because I feel something either for the couple, or their parents, and as their friend, why WOULDN'T I want to try to give them something they'd really USE?

 

"Tacky?" Um... we live in a different world now (and I'm approaching the half-century mark, so I've been there, done that). Living situations have changed -- this isn't Ozzie and Harriett land -- young couples (let alone OLDER couples who are remarrying) most often are NOT living in their bedroom in their parents' house, needing towels, toasters, etc. when they set up their "own" house.

 

I'm not their monitor. I don't care. If fulfilling the "bonds of affection" I feel to the parents or the couple I'm close to is satisfied by sticking $50 on a gift card at a registry store, or at a travel agency, that's fine by me. I have more important stuff to worry about in MY daily life than trying to impose my view of the world on others. If you think it's tacky, etc.... don't do it. Trash the invite, and forget it.

[CC Help Michell]

Frankly that your fiance thinks this is a good idea is irrelavent. It's an insult to your guests to assume they can't pick out a nice gift for you whether it be a check or cash.

 

When I know a couple has been on their own for a while, I always give cash, and most people I know do the same, so the cash can be used however the couple wants.

 

However, if a couple requested donations to a cruise honeymoon, I frankly would be insulted that they thought so little of my abilty to pick out an appropriate gift.

 

If someone asks a family member it would be ok for a family member to say something like, "they have so much already that its really difficult. Maybe cash would be easier for you." but to set up a honeymoon fund is tacky.

 

Frankly if I was invited to a wedding with suggestions of giving to a honeymoon fund, I would likely not go or give a gift. If it was someone very close, I would purposely give something other than cash or a contribution to the fund.

 

I'm totally with you on the first underlined sentence. If you don't agree with the way the couple has set it up, "just say no." It's the second part I'm not sure I quite understand -- if you are "close" to the couple (or their parents) you'd intentionally give something you know they don't want instead of just giving some cash or politely declining? Why not just send a "regrets" RSVP and send no gift?

[Kurbanfan]

To my mind there is a difference between giving someone something they need (e.g., pots and pans, dishes, bed linens) versus something they want but is a luxury, not a necessity (a cruise).

 

I wasn't aware a gift/present was to be in the form of a necessity.

Gosh good thing my dh doesn't think like you.....he would have given me a vacuum cleaner instead of the beautiful diamond ring he gave me;)

[lovemylab]

To my mind there is a difference between giving someone something they need (e.g., pots and pans, dishes, bed linens) versus something they want but is a luxury, not a necessity (a cruise).

 

The OP has stated she already has these things.

 

Just curious....when a registry is filled with dishes that cost $175 a place setting, a kitchenaid stand mixer, crystal stemware, 400 thread count sheets, and a set of $750 Lagostina pots do you view these as luxury items or needs?

 

I completely agree that a cruise is a luxury, but many of the items that couples receive as wedding gifts are considered to be luxury items anyways.

[sunsurf]

Cruise Info,

 

WOW!! I feel fo you. such a simple question....but so many mixed comments. Everyone's entitled to their opinion though.

 

Here's mine.

 

I think it is perfectly fine to state "monetary gift preferred" or something along those lines on your wedding invitations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, all the weddings that I've been to over the last 10 years have been done that way. But I have also been to one or two that have had a gifts registry. I think it really just depends on the individuals, their nationalty, and their tradition.

 

Have a wonderful honeymoon (cruise) and congratulations!:)

[34TigerLily]

I want to register our honeymoon cruise for our wedding gifts. we don't need things for the house, we want to go on an amazing cruise for our honeymoon and not go into debt doing it while being able to enjoy getting a massage, having a drink, offshore excursions. does anyone know how to do this somehow so people can see what they are purchasing for you? any tips or ideas would be appreciated! thank you!

This is sooooo tacky and offensive!

[GRBlizz]

I didn't want to do this but I can't help myself. I agree that it's tacky. To me, a honeymoon is an extension of the wedding. It's part of the whole wedding package that includes a rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, reception etc. Asking for help in paying for a cruise is no different than asking for help paying for the reception dinner or the flowers. It's not the guests responsibility to pay for those things. That includes the honeymoon. If you can't afford it, you don't go. Traditionally the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. Why doesn't your fiance's parents do that?

 

OK, I will confess. I went to the David's Bridal website today to make sure they hadn't started setting up registries to help brides pay for their dress (not yet). After the honeymoon registry websites I had found, I thought anything was possible!

[Kurbanfan]

This is sooooo tacky and offensive!

 

I don't think it's tacky and I'm not offended by it.

[KS&JW]

From reading these posts I can see some people think it extremely tacky and others don't. So, maybe 1/2 of your guests will think it's tacky, and 1/2 won't..right? I don't think I would want to take the chance at having 1/2 of my guests unhappy with my request.

 

Exactly. Why would you risk it?

[vmom]

Traditionally the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. Why doesn't your fiance's parents do that?

 

 

Never heard of the groom's family paying for the honeymoon, its the groom, not his family who is responsible.

[vmom]

Cruise Info,

 

 

I think it is perfectly fine to state "monetary gift preferred" or something along those lines on your wedding invitations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, all the weddings that I've been to over the last 10 years have been done that way. But I have also been to one or two that have had a gifts registry. I think it really just depends on the individuals, their nationalty, and their tradition.

 

Have a wonderful honeymoon (cruise) and congratulations!:)

 

I think asking for money on a wedding invitation is very tacky also. If you are close enough to the guests, then respect them enough to let them figure it out for themselves that cash would be preferred. To state so is the utmost of poor manners.

 

I have been to MANY weddings, and have NEVER read anything like a statement, "monetary gift preferred". If I come across one, then they will get dish towels for sure, that is if I even went to the wedding.

 

Somehow the idea of respect for others is just lost. Guests do deserve respect and appreciation. A wedding is not about gifts...it is about a celebration and wanting to share that celebration with those you care about and care about you...not about what you get get out of it.

[vmom]

I'm totally with you on the first underlined sentence. If you don't agree with the way the couple has set it up, "just say no." It's the second part I'm not sure I quite understand -- if you are "close" to the couple (or their parents) you'd intentionally give something you know they don't want instead of just giving some cash or politely declining? Why not just send a "regrets" RSVP and send no gift?

 

 

I meant if it was a relative and it would cause family friction not to go to the wedding. I would give them something I thought they wanted but definately not a contribution to their honeymoon fund.

[seawyllow]

I still feel it is not any different than registering at a major department store.

 

Maybe it is an East Coast thing, but when I am invited to a wedding, the gifts are 1- bridal shower gift, and if it is a second wedding, we usually do the girls night out thing at a club. 2- Wedding gift that is equal to at least the cost of our dinners at the reception. For a couple, that is usually a minimum of $150 so we pay one way or the other. Why not put it on their cruise versus their bank account? Either you determine how it is spent (honeymoon) or they determine how it is spent (however they want)

 

Go ahead and register. It is after all, YOUR wedding :eek:

[chasetf]

......Miss Manners realizes that such schemes for milking guests have become common, so there is undoubtedly a way to do this. But that does not make it right. What should follow your confession of not being able to afford to pay for something is a sigh of regret, not a plan to coerce someone else into picking up the bill.

I go with Miss Manners.....TACKY

[chasetf]

It is sad to see weddings now becoming Fund Raising events. Newlywed couples and families should be putting on a production they can afford (reh dinner / wedding / reception / honeymoon).... and be happy with what is within their means.

 

Extorting guests with dollar dances / money trees / that kidnapping gig (that I had never heard of before) just cheapens the event into an extortion. It ends up taking away from the wedding and what it is suppose to be about....... celebration of a new union and not a fund raising event.

[sunsurf]

I think asking for money on a wedding invitation is very tacky also. If you are close enough to the guests, then respect them enough to let them figure it out for themselves that cash would be preferred. To state so is the utmost of poor manners.

 

I have been to MANY weddings, and have NEVER read anything like a statement, "monetary gift preferred". If I come across one, then they will get dish towels for sure, that is if I even went to the wedding.

 

Somehow the idea of respect for others is just lost. Guests do deserve respect and appreciation. A wedding is not about gifts...it is about a celebration and wanting to share that celebration with those you care about and care about you...not about what you get get out of it.

 

 

VMOM,

 

That's why I said at the end of my post...it has alot to do with the individual , the nationaltiy and tradition of the family.

[sunsurf]

I think asking for money on a wedding invitation is very tacky also. If you are close enough to the guests, then respect them enough to let them figure it out for themselves that cash would be preferred. To state so is the utmost of poor manners.

 

I have been to MANY weddings, and have NEVER read anything like a statement, "monetary gift preferred". If I come across one, then they will get dish towels for sure, that is if I even went to the wedding.

 

Somehow the idea of respect for others is just lost. Guests do deserve respect and appreciation. A wedding is not about gifts...it is about a celebration and wanting to share that celebration with those you care about and care about you...not about what you get get out of it.

 

 

VMOM,

 

I don't think its tacky at all. That's why I said at the end of my post...it has alot to do with the individual , the nationality and tradition of the family.

[Kurbanfan]

VMOM,

 

I don't think its tacky at all. That's why I said at the end of my post...it has alot to do with the individual , the nationality and tradition of the family.

 

Yep I totally agree. Only speaking from experience here. our good friends did it and it was a hit! Not half and half more like the majority ruled in this instance........so I guess if you feel it's tacky don't do it. If you don't then by all means go for it!

[DukeFamily]

It is sad to see weddings now becoming Fund Raising events. Newlywed couples and families should be putting on a production they can afford (reh dinner / wedding / reception / honeymoon).... and be happy with what is within their means.

 

Extorting guests with dollar dances / money trees / that kidnapping gig (that I had never heard of before) just cheapens the event into an extortion. It ends up taking away from the wedding and what it is suppose to be about....... celebration of a new union and not a fund raising event.

 

I completely and totally agree with your post. And dang, I usually hate it when someone goes to all the trouble to quote an entire post just to say "I agree", but you said what I'd like to say, so......I agree. (There. Now I'm one of those posters that even I don't like! :D )

[linda_22003]

I think it is perfectly fine to state "monetary gift preferred" or something along those lines on your wedding invitations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. :)

 

There is a LOT wrong with that. The wedding invitation conveys the information of who is getting married, and where, and when, and that they would like you to come and be their guest.

 

Period.

 

Using a wedding invitation to specify the tribute to be paid is unconscionable.