Woman missing on the Pearl

[Venus4NU]

I think it is sad that so many people are casting stones at the husband.

 

I have heard to much on the news already that I know can't be true.

 

I don't buy the whole quarter thing one bit. Anyone who has been on NCL knows that none of the slots take coins. Obviously the person who made that comment wasn't aware of how the casinos operate.

 

Mental problems affect everyone differently. Her family said she had a history of past mental problems. I have worked with mentally ill people for years. A majority live normal lives and from looking at them you would never know they had mental issues. However, it takes just one spark to upset everything for them. Many times you never know what it is that triggers the person to go unstable. It could be a song, a food, or something on tv to mention a few things. We don't know what upset this lady and it is just terrible that there was an easy way out for her with the balcony so close. She might have had a lapse and been looking at the ocean and saw how peaceful it was and decide to join it before realizing what she had done. We also don't know if she was on medication and could have missed doses due to an irregular schedule on the boat. That alone could bring suicidal thoughts into her mind. Again, with the balcony so close and it only takes a second. (I had a case of a girl who was deemed stable from three seprate mental health doctors to leave the hospital for a 4 hour pass- 30 minutes after leaving she was dead from jumping off an interstate overpass). My point is that you don't always see the signs.

 

As far as her husband not reporting her missing for so long. I don't find that strage at all. I just got off the Jewel and one night my guy friend was tired and not feeling well (rough waters and the fact that he normally goes to bed at 9pm). I told him I was going to play some blackjack and would be back at midnight. I met some people at the blackjack table and we played until 5:00am. I just knew he was going to kill me. I headed back to the room and he was sound asleep. He woke me at 9 after he came back from breakfast. He thought I was sleeping since midnight and didn't understand why I was still tired. Oh, and me and my guy friend are otherwise connected at the hip.

 

I also don't believe the comment from the people who said they were in the cabin under them. I was on the Pearl (Nov 07) on the 11th floor. My guy friends parents where in the room next to us with doors that joined us. They would do a hillbilly knock (knock on the wall to tell us they were ready for dinner/breakfast etc) many times we didn't hear them and I am positive they didn't hear our wild times. Likewise we were on the Jewel this past November and our room was right above the Stardust theater. We never heard a sound EVER. I can't believe someone one floor done could make out an entire conversation. Trust me if my guy friends parents wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if they heard 1/10 of the stuff that went on in our room.

 

When we go on the Pearl again in November '09 if something terrible happens like a person going overboard I do not want NCL to notify me. That would put a damper on my whole trip and would send the whole ship into a big gossip frenzy.

 

Lastly, who are we to judge how this man handles his grief? I have never walked in his shoes. I remember when my nephew died. We were at my sister-in-laws house and it was just hours after her 12 year old boy died of an asthma attack. The phone rang and it was a repairman saying that the son's video game was repaired and could be picked up. She said, "Ok thank you, but it will be a few days before I get there." The guy on the other end of the phone had no idea the child was dead as my sister-in-law was very calm on the phone but was otherwise an emotional wreck. Again, my point is that everone handles grief differently.

[johnql]

I think it is sad that so many people are casting stones at the husband.

 

I have heard to much on the news already that I know can't be true.

 

I don't buy the whole quarter thing one bit. Anyone who has been on NCL knows that none of the slots take coins. Obviously the person who made that comment wasn't aware of how the casinos operate.

 

Mental problems affect everyone differently. Her family said she had a history of past mental problems. I have worked with mentally ill people for years. A majority live normal lives and from looking at them you would never know they had mental issues. However, it takes just one spark to upset everything for them. Many times you never know what it is that triggers the person to go unstable. It could be a song, a food, or something on tv to mention a few things. We don't know what upset this lady and it is just terrible that there was an easy way out for her with the balcony so close. She might have had a lapse and been looking at the ocean and saw how peaceful it was and decide to join it before realizing what she had done. We also don't know if she was on medication and could have missed doses due to an irregular schedule on the boat. That alone could bring suicidal thoughts into her mind. Again, with the balcony so close and it only takes a second. (I had a case of a girl who was deemed stable from three seprate mental health doctors to leave the hospital for a 4 hour pass- 30 minutes after leaving she was dead from jumping off an interstate overpass). My point is that you don't always see the signs.

 

As far as her husband not reporting her missing for so long. I don't find that strage at all. I just got off the Jewel and one night my guy friend was tired and not feeling well (rough waters and the fact that he normally goes to bed at 9pm). I told him I was going to play some blackjack and would be back at midnight. I met some people at the blackjack table and we played until 5:00am. I just knew he was going to kill me. I headed back to the room and he was sound asleep. He woke me at 9 after he came back from breakfast. He thought I was sleeping since midnight and didn't understand why I was still tired. Oh, and me and my guy friend are otherwise connected at the hip.

 

I also don't believe the comment from the people who said they were in the cabin under them. I was on the Pearl (Nov 07) on the 11th floor. My guy friends parents where in the room next to us with doors that joined us. They would do a hillbilly knock (knock on the wall to tell us they were ready for dinner/breakfast etc) many times we didn't hear them and I am positive they didn't hear our wild times. Likewise we were on the Jewel this past November and our room was right above the Stardust theater. We never heard a sound EVER. I can't believe someone one floor done could make out an entire conversation. Trust me if my guy friends parents wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if they heard 1/10 of the stuff that went on in our room.

 

When we go on the Pearl again in November '09 if something terrible happens like a person going overboard I do not want NCL to notify me. That would put a damper on my whole trip and would send the whole ship into a big gossip frenzy.

 

Lastly, who are we to judge how this man handles his grief? I have never walked in his shoes. I remember when my nephew died. We were at my sister-in-laws house and it was just hours after her 12 year old boy died of an asthma attack. The phone rang and it was a repairman saying that the son's video game was repaired and could be picked up. She said, "Ok thank you, but it will be a few days before I get there." The guy on the other end of the phone had no idea the child was dead as my sister-in-law was very calm on the phone but was otherwise an emotional wreck. Again, my point is that everone handles grief differently.

Well said.

[wdwhuckster]

what a horrible way to go weather you jumped or were pushed.. how long would you suffer before you gave up hope..very very sad.. and very scary...hitting the water may hurt you first so you wouldnt suffer , i would hope this woman ..went fast..

[megr1125]

I agree with others, that we should not speculate too much as to the cause of the disappearance until more facts become known.

 

However, if she did kill herself I would like to remind everyone that there is pretty strong evidence that there is a biological predisposition for depression (runs in families, lower amounts of the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and seratonin, and changes in brain function). When these combine with stress the chances of major depressive disorder increases significantly.

 

 

In addition, despair drives some people to suicide, and the risk is greatest when their energy returns as the depression begins to lift. Thus, people are more likely to kill themselves during times when they may appear to their families and friends as if they are getting better.

 

Also, between the temporary blue moods we all experience and the crushing impact of major depression is a condition called dysthymic disorder—a down-in-the-dumps mood that fills most of the day, nearly every day, for two years or more. Although less disabled than people with major depressions, those with dysthymic disorder tend to experience chronic low energy and self-esteem, have difficulty concentrating or making decisions, and sleep and eat too much or too little. Imagine feeling like this for two years or more. Suicide may be perceived as a way out of a never-ending sadness.

 

OK, lecture done. I just think it is important to educate people as to the seriousness of depression and dysthymic disorder so that if they, or someone they love, experiences these illness they will seek out the medical care that they need.

 

My thoughts are with her suffering family at this time.

 

Very ineteresting...I should have taken some psych classes....depression is serious, and it realy stinks!...people handle things in different ways, and whatever triggers the depression can come up at any time and you can react in some very odd ways.....thanks for the lesson.....and i hope the Feds figure out what happened as best they can

[chrisrotlmacin]

 

I don't buy the whole quarter thing one bit. Anyone who has been on NCL knows that none of the slots take coins. Obviously the person who made that comment wasn't aware of how the casinos operate.

 

 

Venus4NU,unfortunately you are not aware how the casinos operate . The machine bkruiser talks about is called Coin Pusher , it operates with 25 cent NCL tokens . It is not a regular slot machine,this kind of equipment you see in states in video arcades in states that alow gaming .

[Sunnystone]

Some folks have said it it very difficult to hear outside your room and I agree if you have your balcony door closed as well as the neighbors have theirs closed. We have heard some very "interesting" things while sitting on our balcony as well as when we were in our room with the balcony door open, thankfully nothing like what happened here.

Wow the TV stations are having a field day with this matter, very sad.

[Sunnystone]

Venus4NU,unfortunately you are not aware how the casinos operate . The machine bkruiser talks about is called Coin Pusher , it operates with 25 cent NCL tokens . It is not a regular slot machine,this kind of equipment you see in states in video arcades in states that alow gaming .

 

We were just on the Star last week and saw a bank of coin pusher machines. Those machines did take quarters and while we were sitiing at the casino bar watched a playerless machine pay out quarters about every 2-3 minutes. My husband and the other 2 gentlemen at the bar took turns playing with the house money, which was actual quarters.

[Toyz711]

here's a photo of the coin pusher. it has other prizes besides the coins that happen of "fall" out. many coins go to the sides and not out to the payout. it is more like a carny game then a casino game.

[M&MCruisin]

To all those who have posted about losing loved ones, whether it be suicide or whatever...my heart goes out to you. It is never easy to lose someone and Im sure this story is nothing but a reminder of the situation. Its great so many of you can come here and have a conversation and be so strong about it!

[M&MCruisin]

We were just on the Star last week and saw a bank of coin pusher machines. Those machines did take quarters and while we were sitiing at the casino bar watched a playerless machine pay out quarters about every 2-3 minutes. My husband and the other 2 gentlemen at the bar took turns playing with the house money, which was actual quarters.

 

 

Thats unbelievable! Did you win anything?

[smeyer418]

besides taking paper money. Most NCL machines will also take quarters.....although the newer ones pay out in a cash paper slip.....

[G'ma]

here's a photo of the coin pusher. it has other prizes besides the coins that happen of "fall" out. many coins go to the sides and not out to the payout. it is more like a carny game then a casino game.

 

Carny game is right!!! These machines have been all over the boardwalks in Atlantic City, Ocean City, Wildwood and others for years.

 

Big, big moneymaker...........

[paulagualalala]

But the coin pusher machine does take quarters. On my Dec 13 NCL cruise we took a lot of rolls of quarters that we have been saving for years. I broke them open, put them in a bucket and took them to the cashier for green backs. I also went around the casino and picked up all the abandoned .01-.10 tickets and cashed those in and used the money for port fun.

 

The media is going nuts with this story. I just heard a comment that cruise ships are the perfect setting for murder:confused: --- they are relentless with this one. My prayers are with the family and friends of this young woman. I say the chair did it on the balcony with maybe too much alcohol or a very depressed woman. Very sad.:(

[ImpulsivePuppy]

y'no, I wonder if she was a CC poster. This whole 22 page conversation might actually be about someone we know (at least in an online sense.) :confused:

[antsnanny]

You know getting rid of somebody at sea by pushing them overboard could possibly be the perfect crime.How is anybody going to find out what really happened to this women?If no one saw her go overboard.....:eek:

 

I heard that there are over 1,000 security cameras on that ship. Its quite possible that one of would have seen it happen.

[ohioNCLcruiser]

I heard that there are over 1,000 security cameras on that ship. Its quite possible that one of would have seen it happen.

 

more like 2,000-4,000!

[Eeyoregon]

Just a thought - when the husband and Mom? went to bed at whatever time - were the rings on the bureau and the chair at the balcony railing??

 

The story doesn;t make sense to me. Just my opinion.

 

Perfect sense. After all of that salty food on board I always take my jewlery off in the evening. And if the curtains were closed to the balcony and the husband and/or mom just went to bed they would not have seen a chair.

 

Terry I agree with you. I have been reading ALL the posts on this terrible tragedy and I see nothing gained by telling the other passengers.

 

I agree. Announcing it would serve no purpose except to encourage the busy-body gossips and rumor mills. How would you like to be this woman's husband or mother and have to overhear inappropriate comments and whispers everywhere you went? If a masked gunman were on board taking hostages and killing people, yes, NCL should notify the passengers. This sad situation is no ones business but the family, NCL and law enforcement.

 

I can see them turning balconies into bay windows.

 

Except that if someone is determined to end their life at sea it only takes a matter of seconds to jump from ANY deck, especially at night when the decks are empty.

[smpd24]

I just read ALL 20+ pages!! You all have interesting points and we could go back and forth about whether NCL should have made a statement. I think it would be weird to be getting ready, watching the news in your cabin and finding out about it that way. Aside from the point about some people find someone to "hook-up" with besides their partner. If there was nothing wrong with their marriage and she was "just missing" I think they could have made an announcement and you would think the husband would want that. Then to be on the ship for 4 more days, what are you going to do? I would have been in the casino too.

 

The family's statement is weird. How she was excited about the new job but has problems.

 

My cruise, eariler this year, before we even sailed away I heard my mom's name over the loud speaker and short before or after that my friend called my cell (I still had it on as we hadn't pulled away) saying that Carnival called the cabin and was looking for my mom, they had her as departing the ship. She of course left her phone in the room. I went to the desk and told them that my mom did not leave she was on the ship, why would she leave? The crew person had stuck her card in the departing slot and not the entering one. That whole cruise I barely saw my mom. I would be in the casino til 3-4am. I can see how not reporting it right away could happen.

 

All these links I saw the story about the woman that went over on The Dawn. Countdown to my next cruise.

[faith31617]

Maybe he brought the quarters from home not knowing that the slot machines wouldn't take them. Maybe he brought it to the cashier cage and got cash for his bag of quarters.

 

I am not sure how the Pearl operates, but I was on Carnival Ecstasy Dec. 8th thru 13th and I put a 10 dollar bill in the quarter machine and about 8 dollars into that 10 I hit the jackpot and won $100.00 and so I hit the payout button and it paid me the $102 in QUARTERS!!!! That bucket was heavy carrying to the cashier for sure. I sat there and played the 2 dollars in quarters before I cashed in the rest. SO they do takes quarters and pays out quarters.

[kat89447]

I have to agree with the posters that said NCL was right NOT to make an announcement. This wasn't a case of someone falling overboard and someone seeing them go immediately. It is a case of a person reported missing and upon review of the tapes they discovered that someone went over hours earlier and probably hundreds of miles away. NCL was probably told NOT to make an announcement so when they got to port the FBI or whatever authority would have a better chance of gaining REAL insight into the incident. Sadly even with these events there are always people that want their 15 minutes of fame and will make up stories of "hearing, seeing, or being in the know" and if there had been an announcement it would have created many false leads.

There would have been no reason to turn around and faster to send out coast guard boats from the nearest port. Because they had footage of someone going over the rail, there would have been no need to make an announcement. It would have been better for the families privacy and for the investigators to keep a lid on it. Plus, it was a Christmas cruise and I would hate to hear about it on the cruise as a passenger especially when there is absolutely nothing that anyone could do about it anyway.

As far as the husband goes, it doesn't matter if he abused her or if he was weird or had a bag of quarters or not. These issues do not automatically make him guilty of anything, just as her being happy in public doesn't make her less likely to have jumped. I have had friends that killed themselves and 2 of the 3 that I have known were almost too happy right before they did it, almost like they got joy out of deciding to end their lives. One last party to say goodbye, so to speak. None of those three left a note either, they just did it.

It is quite easy to go hours before seeing a family member on a ship. In general cruise passengers feel a sense of security because it is a ship and often allow children and family more leeway in being gone from each other. Just because you don't think you ever would doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Think about all of those unattended teens and children people constantly complain about, if people let their kids run around the pool for hours without parents, why would you be surprised that spouses would go their separate ways for hours at night.

It is truly sad for the family and I hope they have the strength to make it thru this. Not only the loss of their daughter, wife, but that at least for awhile they will have to put up with news reports of rumours and nasty comments that always seem to find their way to light.

[lucycancruise]

I stopped being shocked about people blaming NCL for things when I read a posting yesterday, I think it was, where they blamed NCL for 7 days of rain during their cruise and NCL did not give them any OBC or any free drinks to compensate them for the weather.

 

 

 

I posted on another thread that on Christmas Eve night we had our beloved cat, Madelyn, put to sleep. This was quick and unexpected. She was my "child" for 16 years. If you have a problem with the fact that I loved her as I would love a child, I don't care. It is how I was with her. The point I am wanting to make here is, if you saw me, you would probably never know that I just went through one of the most horrible losses of my life. On the outside I look like I normally do, with the exception of maybe saying an odd thing here and there, getting up from the chair to go do something and get half way to some where and not remember what I got up for, etc. I have often thought of us going to a casino because if you are a gambler like me, sitting in front of a slot machine is a way of escape. Right now I feel like I would try anything to escape the pain I am in. Non stop gut wrenching pain. I have posted many many times that it is not unusual for me to go a year and have maybe two alcoholic drinks and since Christmas Eve I have almost gone through a whole bottle of Rum just to keep myself steady. When I am in front of a slot machine I think of nothing else but when will I hit the next jackpot, etc. On the outside, I seem fine. On the inside I feel like I'm looking through someone elses eyes. Every single little thing I do is a major effort and if it wasn't for my DDP I do not know what I would do. So don't be quick to judge her husband for whatever he may have been doing after she was missing. You never know until you are in that situtation what you would do. A week ago I would have never guessed I would feel like I do inside. I'm not posting this for sympathy. I appreaciate all the nice things people have said to me, I'm just posting this trying to say that we can't judge what the husbands actions have been since it happened.

 

As far as the "trooper" that has been on the news channels, I think all he is doing is enjoying his 15 minutes of fame and I honestly do not believe a word he is saying. I also do not believe half of what the news media reports on anything, let alone something as sensational as this. So until the FBI makes their statements, I'm going to continue to believe it was an act she did on her own.

 

I know this is off the main topic & you're not looking for sympathy, but my heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear companion. My two dogs are like children to me...I can only imagine the loss and pain you are experiencing.

[MoneyGuy]

(most of post snipped for brevity)

 

I also think that the linked articles that have quoted internet posts are really irresponsible. Those posts could have been made by people who weren't even on board the ship.

 

I agree and take this one step further. Wow, hundreds of posts with theories about a person's death and people think they know best whether passengers should be informed and how and when. How would you all feel if this was your child, spouse, parent or friend who died? This thread is the Internet version of gawking at an accident site. And I see someone is wondering how big her spash was and how loudly she screamed. Classless! :(

[Azure Moon]

ohioNCLcruiser wrote "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."

One of my favorite quotes because I've been felt that way and have seen others in the same position as well.

****************************************************

On the subject of quarters in a plastic bag...

I take extra baggies in case I need them for the airport liquid restrictions and to keep things in the bags within the cabin safe rather than have lots of loose stuff to sort through like receipts in a bag, coins from paying for things in ports, laundry, or casinos, etc.

So I don't think it's strange that the husband could have had a bag with change in it.

[DizzyDallasDi]

I cruise solo. Should something happen to me, there's no telling how long it would be before it was discovered I was missing. I'm certainly not suicidal but what if I had a heart attack or other medical emergency in my cabin after retiring for the evening and putting the do not disturb sign on my door. I wonder how long it would be before someone came looking for me? I've never even thought about this possibility before but this thread got me thinking about it.

 

Okay, I'm finished with my self-absorption.

 

My heart goes out to the family and friends of this poor troubled woman.

[terrymtex01]

Ok.. I am going to say this about the casinos on the Star and on the Pearl. Both of them do have that machine that you drop a quarter into and hope it knocks off others and they do take quarters. Other than that, niether my DDP or I can remember any actual slot machine that takes anything but paper money or the tickets printed by other slot machines. We can't remember specifically about the casino on the Sun, but we do not remember one at all on the Star or the Pearl. And just to give you a prespective of how much time we spend in the casinos, with the excpetion of our first NCL cruise Casino's at Sea has comp'ed all of the rest of our cruises and in suites. Trust me when I say we spend a LOT of time in the casinos and we play almost every machine in them.

 

As far as the husband or mom not reporting her missing as long as they did, there have been several times when my DDP and I have been on cruises and he would go to bed earlier than I wanted to. So I would stay up and watch tv or read, etc. We do not smoke in our cabin so I would go out on the balcony to smoke and he would not budge or wake up. So if I wanted to end it all, he wouldn't even notice me missing until he woke up the next morning. Some people are just that sound of a sleeper. Of course the first place he would look would be the casino.. LOL.

 

And the comment about people not looking sad or depressed.. well.. years ago I worked for a company and there was this lady who had a cubical on the same isle as me. She had been a very quiet person from the time I started the company. For several days that had changed and she was chatty, in a very jovial mood, etc. So she and I went on coffee break together and when we went down to the cafeteria and got our coffee and started chatting, I made a comment that she really seemed to be in a great mood the last few days. Her reply to me was that she had been faced with a tough decision but she had made it and was at peace with the decision. For some reason that sent chills down my spine. When we got back, after a few minutes I snuck into our directors office and told her what had been said and told her of the reaction I had to it. She said she would call this lady into her office and try to see what was going on. (probably couldn't do that today with how sue happy every one is and privacy, etc). Anyway it turned out the lady was very up front with her that she had decided to kill herself and she was going to do it that coming weekend. Our director told her there was nothing she could do to stop her, but asked for one thing.. that she tell her sister that she knew the lady was extremely close to, so that when it happened the sister would not question herself over and over what she could have done, or why didn't I know, etc. The lady told her sister and the sister talked her into speaking with a professional just so the sister could say she had done all she could do and if the lady did it, she would have a clear mind. Well, it worked and the lady did not kill herself. So you never know by outward appearences what is going on inside someone.

 

And on a personal note, thank you for all of you who have given me well wishes. It was not easy to share some of that info here on an open forum, but I wanted to show that people handle grief differently.