For Laughs - Funniest Thing You've Heard Aboard?

[debkaysmith]

We laughed so hard one night at the Not-So-Newlywed game aboard Celebrity Infinity. A sweet elderly couple were answering the question, "What is it about your spouse that gets you in the mood?" The little old gentleman, Scottish he was, answered, "her baby blue knickers with the little pocket in them." Who knows what the pocket was for? But it made our evening to see a couple married for over 50 years, and still so much in love.

[BrendaJ]

I've got a couple

 

The first was years and years ago on a Carnival ship when they used to have the Male Nightgown contest, where male passengers dressed in nightgowns and paraded onto the stage. Most of the contestants were young, fun-loving guys. When the show was about to start, the cruise director went up to a very elderly lady nearby with curly grey hair and a large caftan type dress on and said "Ma'am - you might want to take your seat - the show's about the start" and she barked out on a gruff, obviously male voice "Whaddya talking about? I'm one of the contestants!" The old guy had brought a wig and done such a great job, he really did look like a little old lady. He won Miss Congeniality.

 

The second story I'm telling second hand. Our friends Bob and Jane went on a cruise years ago and onboard they met another couple, Sally and Dave, and spent a lot of time enjoying their company on the cruise. Halfway through the cruise, Sally remarked that one evening, she went out on deck in the middle of the night and saw big white bags of what she figured was garbage being thrown overboard from a crew deck. The four of them talked about it, knowing that the cruise lines were not allowed to throw garbage off the ship. Bob and Jane joked with Sally, saying she'd better watch out who she told that story to, since surely the crew would not want to be caught breaking the law and might retaliate. That night, Bob and Jane decided to play a joke on Sally and they shoved a note under her cabin door saying "Watch it or you're going to be going overboard in a big white bag." Bob and Jane looked forward to hearing Sally and Dave comment about the note, but they never said anything and Bob and Jane kind of forgot about it. On the last day, as they were disembarking, Bob and Jane overheard a couple nearby talking to someone, telling about a threatening note that was put under their door. Turns out, Bob and Jane had put the note under the wrong cabin door.

[Cirtan1]

A few years back, DW and I were enjoying sailaway with another couple. Seated at a nearby table, were 2 couples in their 20's who had gotten an early start at the bar...one young lady especially. As we were departing Port Everglades, the girl exclaimed loudly, "Look at THAT ship. It's alot taller than ours, but it's much shorter!" We were passing the condos on the channel out of port. Every time we now leave Port Everglades, DW says..."Look at THAT ship..."

[usha]

When we were on my daughter's first cruise when she was 8 months old, we got used to everyone oohing and aahing over her everywhere we went. She was adorable, but chubby, with rolly thighs. One time we were on the elevator with her in the stroller, when two older women got on. They smiled at her and said, "There's that baby.... (I am expecting to hear "that's so cute," "that we saw in the dining room so well behaved," etc.) ......with the big legs!"

I just LOVED this one! :D

[Tinwoman]

"What do you mean I can't wear jeans in the dining room"?

[hylasgirl]

I've got two... While onboard the Brilliance of the Seas in the Mediterranean, we were waiting in the lounge for our tour to depart and the lady says she appreciates our patience and if we could all just find "a small space and squeeze ourselves":D

 

then... same cruise... we were reading the Daily Compass and the activities of the day at 12:00 listed "The passing of the Midnight Snacks". My husband and I still laugh about how that was worded... and we use that expression often! hee hee:D

[spearmint]

We were in an elevator with other people on a South America cruise, when an elderly lady said to her friend, "when are we crossing the equator"? A young man in the elevator said to her, "we did this an hour ago, didn't you feel the bump?" and the lady said, "No, I must have been in the shower".

 

:DRiot!:D

[fngram]

We were taking in an afternoon movie on board one of the M class ships several years ago and thoroughly enjoying "Hitch". There was a point in the movie when "speed dating" occurred and one of the ladies refused to move on declaring that she hadn't had sex for many months. Well, immediately an elderly gentleman seated behind us who was obviously hard of hearing said in a loud voice, "what'd she say?" To which has wife in an equally loud voice repeated the actress's line. The whole audience was snickering by this time. Too funny.

[jmf123]

A friend of mine told me of a woman on her Princess cruise who hurried by her saying, "I have to catch a 7:30 elevator!".

[RSGS315]

We were on a New Year's cruise about 10 years ago. Our table of 10 was great, 2 couples from Scotland and England, 2 couples from Florida and us from New Jersey.

One of the men came to the table nightly a bit under the weather, inibriated.

We changed our seats nightly so we could talk to everyone, and one night when he was seated next to me, he asked me what kind of work I was doing and what business I was in. He had been full of questions nightly about everyones business and acitivities.

Well, the devil got into me, and I told him that I was a retired madam and was on the cruise to recruit, as I was thinking of going back to work.

Joe never wanted to sit next to me again during the cruise, which was fine with me, and the rest us are still laughing about it.

Ginnie

[aussie57]

On our last cruise at dinner one evening, an elderly lady at our table was not feeling very well so only had ice cream. this was brought out with our main course. The waiter then brought round the pepper grinder, and made as if he was going to put pepper on her ice cream, she thought he was serious and kept moving her plate while he kept following, saying "pepper Ma'am?

[daljewels]

On a Regent cruise a british man sitting close to us had ordered Port to have after his meal. The waiter came back with a piece of pork (guess he thought he was still hungry). They went back and forth for awhile the waiter kept asking him what was wrong with pork. Another waiter finally came over and explained to the waiter that he wanted a glass of Port not pork. Of course by this time the man's wife and those in the dining room that overheard the conversation were all laughing. :D

[BurgerBits]

Another waiter finally came over and explained to the waiter that he wanted a glass of Port not pork.

 

 

This is very Monty Python-ish! LOL

[Karynanne]

I always try and strike up a conversation with people, either while in the elevator or if I'm standing in a line. I asked this one woman what she happened to do that afternoon...what did she visit, while in port, etc.

 

She went into great detail telling me all about the wonderful sights of that particular island...barely stopping to take a breath...and then (without missing a beat) said they came back to the ship and had sex.

 

WAYYY TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

[shawn&angie]

This stuff is great!

[sapper1]

There's one thing that comes to my mind when you posted this - and it happened TWICE on two different cruises (lines and ships).

 

Okay - our very first cruise was on the Big Red Boat 2 New England/Canada - when we pulled in to St. John's, NB they had a gentleman dressed up as a Loyalist - he was ringing a bell and greeting the ship to everyone that was outside on the decks as we were docking. Well, my husband, son and I started to laugh because - someone next to us says - "Oh look George Washington is greeting the ship." We laughed about that the rest of the cruise because a Loyalist was the farthest thing from George Washington you could get.

 

On our very next cruise in 2001 which was out of NYC to New England/Canada - we again stopped in St. John's. We were out on deck and sure enough Mr. Loyalist is there ringing his bell greeting the ship. When to our amazement again someone next to us says - Oh look there's George Washington. It was too funny. At least to us and our tablemates it was.

 

If you don't know what a Loyalist is go back and study your American Revolution History.

On a geographical note, St. John's is in Newfoundland and Saint John is in New Brunswick.

[jimgev]

This is very Monty Python-ish! LOL

It's good they didn't come back with a pork chop stuffed into a glass!LOL

[excitedofharpenden]

"What do you mean I can't wear jeans in the dining room"?

Now, if that's the funniest thing you've heard aboard you really need to get out more:p

 

Phil

[swigso]

we were on a cruise with my Cousin and after a day exploring the local beaches we returned to the ship.As you know the lifts/elevatorscan be quite crowded. The four of us were the last into the elevator and everyone is quiet and looking at the floor indicator, my cousin turned and with his back to the doors announced loudly

YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW WHY I HAVE CALLED THIS MEETING HERE TODAY.

The whole lift cracked up and we mad a few more cruising friends.

[BurgerBits]

Thanks for all the laughs!! Have really enjoyed reading all of these!!!!!

 

Dawn

[spearmint]

On our last cruise at dinner one evening, an elderly lady at our table was not feeling very well so only had ice cream. this was brought out with our main course. The waiter then brought round the pepper grinder, and made as if he was going to put pepper on her ice cream, she thought he was serious and kept moving her plate while he kept following, saying "pepper Ma'am?

 

What a great mental picture! I laughed out loud!:D

 

On Constellation recently, after one of the stage shows on formal night, a bunch of strangers crowded into the elevator to go up to the disco. As usual, there was no looking at anyone directly, and all was deadly quiet. From the back, in a stage whisper, one of the men in a tux, remarked to his wife as to why everyone was so quiet. This got a couple of smiles. He then continued "whispering", "We're all going up to the disco to party; what a dead bunch this is! Looks like a funeral." Broke up everyone. Hmmm. Just read this over. Perhaps you just had to be there....