For Laughs - Funniest Thing You've Heard Aboard?

[jannandjohn]

I was cruising on Century with my younger daughter Corey right after she graduated from college. We were in deck chairs in the vicinity of two elderly gentlemen who were deep in a loud conversation about things they should have brought.

One man bemoaned that he should have brought his binoculars.

The other griped that he should have brought his big brimmed baseball cap.

The first voiced his regret that he should have brought his windbreaker.

The second was thinking he should have brought his bigger sunglasses.

The list of forgotten items went on for quite some time, when the first gentleman finally cried out:

"Well, H3LL, for all the things we shoulda' brought, we shoulda' brought a G-- D--- semi trailer!!!"

My daughter had a really tough time acting like she didn't hear that!:o

 

this is such a hard color to look at..

[Crusinoars]

We were sitting on the pool deck one evening it started pouring down rain. One lady sitting at the table next to us said, "OMG look how hard it is raining on the other side side of the ship." She then went on to ask, "why isn't it raining on this side of the ship?" I explained to her that it really is, but we are not getting wet because we are sitting under the canopy so we have a roof over our heads. Needless to say everyone on the "DRY" side of the ship started roaring with laughter.

[CanWeGoYet?]

Walking on a Carribean island with DW, and bumping into a neighbor walking hand in hand with "his niece" . Later learned that he had told his wife that he was there on business.

 

I'm glad the funny uncle got caught.

[ohioNCLcruiser]

Not on Celebrity but I thought I would add a few stories.

 

1. On my old ship we have something called ez-fly. We take the passengers luggage the last night of the cruise and give them their boarding passes. We send the luggage to the airport the next day. One time a guest called and said "do you take the luggage to the airport in Honolulu or the one on the ship?"

 

One bad thing I saw..

 

We have self service soft serve ice cream machines in the buffet. Passengers walk up, take a cone or bowl and pull down on the handle so the ice cream comes out. Common sense would make you think "I pulled the handle down for it to come out..maybe I pull it up when I want it to stop coming out." Well SEVERAL times guests just walked away without pulling the handle up and before you know it there was a pile of soft serve on the floor!

[KiwiAtSea]

Just for grins...

 

What's the funniest thing you've heard/seen aboard a cruise ship?

 

On the QE2, I came back to my cabin one night after dinner to find a note from my female cabin attendant: "Dear Sir, I am getting some tonight, from a friend. Stina." I was a bit puzzled and bemused - why was she telling me about her sex life???

When I saw her the next morning, all was explained. The previous day I had scribbled one word "Cottonbuds" on a scrap of paper in the cabin, as a reminder to myself to ask her for more and thrown it on the dresser with all my other junk. She had read the note while tidying and thus the response on a fresh piece of paper about 'getting some' cottonbuds for me!

 

 

On the Oriana one sea day, 3 ladies wanting a foursome for Bridge invited a stranger to make up numbers. During the game, this woman commented: "I didnt think much of that cabaret singer last night. She was rubbish!" The other 3 merely exchanged glances and kept playing.

What the woman didnt know was that one of those ladies WAS the singer - minus her trademark blonde wig, jewels and stage make-up!

[Flipflopsnfrozendrinks]

Our funniest moment came from my then 10 year old son He was on his second cruise, so not even a true newbie at this point. As we boarded Connie for the first time , he looked down and said "Look, the ship is already in the water!". The rest of us stopped in our tracks and looked at him for a moment. As soon as he realised what he had said, he burst out laughing along with the rest of us.

 

In his defense, we had not told the kids about their first cruise until boarding time, so they were not looking down, just straight ahead at the beautiful Jewel of the Sea that awaited them.

 

Kim

[quiescentlyfrozen]

Haven't yet gone on my first cruise so nothing to add... but had to say I'm really enjoying these!

[RealDeal]

Hi JimGev...I'm on the Fair Lawn/Glen Rock/Hawthorne border! Off Lincoln Ave & Harristown Rd.!

[Karynanne]

Last year on Mercury (in the So. Pacific), there was a lovely Luau, and my DH went to get us our drinks. A man at the table next to us, leaned over and asked if I was having a nice time. I said the whole trip had been wonderful. He then went on to say, "How wonderful it is that you're traveling with your Father"....I smiled, and told him that my "Father" was my Husband.

 

The poor man was so embarresed....and when my DH returned with the drinks, I said, "Thanks Dad"! DH just smiled and said "Your Welcome".

[BurgerBits]

THANKS to everyone who's posted so far - let's keep it up! These are GREAT! (Love reading all of them...)

 

Karynanne, your story reminded me of something that happened to us...

 

We were in a casino, and a man sat next to me at the blackjack table. He seemed friendly enough and got around to asking if I was there 'with friends.' I told him my DH was playing craps. Just then, DH ambled over and asked how I was doing before returning to his game. I introduced him to my tablemate.

 

After DH left, the guy turned to me and said - loudly - "Don't you think you should be playing in your own age group?!?"

 

:o Sadly, as he was an older fella, I believe he thought DH was too young for me - not the other way around... LOLOLOLOL

[Longboysfan]

And the Civil War was the 2nd American Revolutionary War (a sector of the population attempting to seperate from a government that they did not agree with). But, the bad guys won, hence the name Civil War.

 

Wait a minute......

 

I would refute that.... But own property in North Carolina and do not want to upset the natives there.

[Longboysfan]

Last night on the first cruise my Wife's sister and husband took together.

Well with us - he was in the Navy - so I do not know how to count that.

We packed up everything and as vet travlets leave a bag for the nights clothes in our room tag the bags and out they go. We left our travel clothes in the closet ready for the AM.

And the women will love this as the wife and SIL are carrying enough clothes for changes 3 times a day. So back from dinner and they quick change into last outfits to go to the show.

BIL stays behind in their room to finish up packing and comes to the show.

So we come back and wrap it up for the night.

Next AM we go up to the buffet and her comes SIL with same outfit on from last night.

Wife starts laughing, me I don't know why, as the outfit is frilly for hot weather and we are going to fly back into the cold north.

 

Short of it - BIL cleaned up room took all out of closet and packed it and sent it to luggage claim. Well they found out they could not find bag later where they were stacked and she was stuck.

 

Kind of the family classic stories.

[usha]

I almost forgot...

THIS is the funniest thing I've heard on a cruise:

I was on Century with our daughter Corey right after her high school graduation. We were at the Captain's welcome aboard party in the Hemisphere lounge. There were little bowls with mixed nuts on just about every table. There was a man at a table near us who didn't have a bowl at his table, and every few minutes, he would reach over to our table or another nearby table to take a little handful of the mixed nuts.

Corey got a little annoyed at the guy, and turned to me and said (all too audibly):

"Mom, that guy keeps grabbin' everybody's NUTS!"

That went over real big with the people at nearby tables!:o

 

BTW, this is a GREAT thread, burgerbits!

[pris993]

Funniest site, old man dressed in a diaper, at a Halloween contest on the Star Princess. The old man entered the competition with a lot of kids, during the parade of costumes, the old man proceeded to remove the diaper and the MC, did not know what to expect and approached the old man with some papers he was holding to provide some privacy/modesty. It was a riot, watching the MC, everyone was LOL. Fortunately, the old man had a swim suite on but still it was crazy and too funny.

[kannna]

that is Very pink

[jwattle]

First RC cruise we were on, there was this older gentleman, who wore a VERY tight Speedo, different one every day...bright colored, rainbow one, patterns, you name it; every day was different, and every day left NOTHING to the imagination...:eek:

[BurgerBits]

First RC cruise we were on, there was this older gentleman, who wore a VERY tight Speedo, different one every day...bright colored, rainbow one, patterns, you name it; every day was different, and every day left NOTHING to the imagination...:eek:

 

Somehow, I'm smiling at that, but it's the kind of smile that's got a little bit of 'eeeuuuuw!' in it... :D :D :D And I think it's extremely gracious of you to have typed 'gentleman...'

[paulred]

Many years ago, I went on a cruise with my best buddy. As it happened we were seated for dinner with 8 ladies from the midwest, all travel agents. ( it was off peak time and there was a special on for them)

After the third day, one lady asked my pal if we were gay. He asked why she would think that. Her reply was that we had been there for three days, and neither one of us had made a pass at any of the them.

 

I guess girls do talk. My friend explained that I was married, and he was engaged. Our better haves did not have time off available, so we went ourselves.

 

We ended up palling around with the group on a few excursions, and had some interesting conversations. Of course, I made a reference to her sedate midwestern background, and she replied that they can get pretty wild in Idaho now and then. Of course, I had to ask, "what was the wildest thing you have done."

 

She replied: "I made love in a sailboat once."

 

"What was so wild about that " I asked.

 

"It was being towed down the main street of Boise in a parade at the time"

 

I guess the boat needed some rocking for veracity.

 

Paul

[CathyCruises]

Many years ago, I went on a cruise with my best buddy. As it happened we were seated for dinner with 8 ladies from the midwest, all travel agents. ( it was off peak time and there was a special on for them)

After the third day, one lady asked my pal if we were gay. He asked why she would think that. Her reply was that we had been there for three days, and neither one of us had made a pass at any of the them.

 

I guess girls do talk. My friend explained that I was married, and he was engaged. Our better haves did not have time off available, so we went ourselves.

 

We ended up palling around with the group on a few excursions, and had some interesting conversations. Of course, I made a reference to her sedate midwestern background, and she replied that they can get pretty wild in Idaho now and then. Of course, I had to ask, "what was the wildest thing you have done."

 

She replied: "I made love in a sailboat once."

 

"What was so wild about that " I asked.

 

"It was being towed down the main street of Boise in a parade at the time"

 

I guess the boat needed some rocking for veracity.

 

Paul

 

Great story except I resemble your terming Idaho as 'Midwest'. We prefer to call ourselves "Intermountain West" or "Pacific Northwest". That makes me feel better! We do live at 6200 feet and I don't know any parts of the true "midwest" that can claim that!!

 

Cathy

[RhondaPerr]

I think the funniest thing I have ever heard on a ship was a group of people from Arkansas.. Apparently they had been watching me win on the slot machines and wanted to know what my secret was.... I told them I put 9 quarters in and if I don't win anything by the 9th quarter I move on to the next machine....They thanked me, and I went down the step to play some machines.... All of a sudden I heard "One Two Three four" etc...Move on..."One Two, Three Four.""" Move on...I look and about 10 people are in a line moving from one machine after the next counting out 9 quarters.. I just about bust my side laughing..

[jimgev]

Hi JimGev...I'm on the Fair Lawn/Glen Rock/Hawthorne border! Off Lincoln Ave & Harristown Rd.!

:) From 1959 to 1967 we lived on Stonefield Rd. just off Harristown in Glen Rock. That area was a great place to grow up. I was back in the vicinity a few years ago - it still looks great.

[jwattle]

Somehow, I'm smiling at that, but it's the kind of smile that's got a little bit of 'eeeuuuuw!' in it... :D :D :D And I think it's extremely gracious of you to have typed 'gentleman...'

At least I stopped at the rest of the description:p

[kannna]

oh my : )

[Ellen326]

When we were on my daughter's first cruise when she was 8 months old, we got used to everyone oohing and aahing over her everywhere we went. She was adorable, but chubby, with rolly thighs. One time we were on the elevator with her in the stroller, when two older women got on. They smiled at her and said, "There's that baby.... (I am expecting to hear "that's so cute," "that we saw in the dining room so well behaved," etc.) ......with the big legs!"

[2theship]

Back in 2000, we were on the Celebrity Zenith, in St. Georges, Bermuda. Because of approaching bad weather, the ship had to leave the port several hours early, and sail throgh the channel cut, and anchor outside. They left tenders and crew at the dock, but of course people still on the island had no way of knowing exactly what was happening (until they got to the dock). The reactions of people as they came over the hill and saw the ship pulling away from the dock were priceless.