Am I being overprotective?

[lidodeckfan]

I do not think the original poster is being overprotective. I do not have facts on whether the world is a more dangerous place then when I grew up but, my perception is that it is. Maybe it is because of these parents letting their kids be "independent" or two-income families & latch-key kids out of neccesity. You can flame me if you want but when unsupervised BAD things can happen to even the most responsible, mature CHILDREN. I have a bright,beautiful & very intelligent 8 year old daughter and never in a million years would I let her roam a cruise ship alone or with another child. Do you want to know why???? SHE IS A CHILD!!!!! In case anyone did not know the rate of sexual assault and rape on a cruise ship is 3X what it is on land. Call me overprotecive or whatever but, my CHILD will be safe. For all the the parents of the "independent" kids. What is the rush for them to grow up? These days they grow up too damn fast anyway.

[bplazo]

I would not let a eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve year old out of my sight on a cruise ship unless they were in the camp without my permission to leave the ship.

[Aelsantokie]

Thanks to everyone on their input. However one raises their child/children ultimately a parents' instinct is the best way to go. I for one tend to be on the overprotective side but my motto is better safe than sorry.

But I am a little more rest assured to read that so many of you agree with me!

[mjkacmom]

I do not think the original poster is being overprotective. I do not have facts on whether the world is a more dangerous place then when I grew up but, my perception is that it is. Maybe it is because of these parents letting their kids be "independent" or two-income families & latch-key kids out of neccesity. You can flame me if you want but when unsupervised BAD things can happen to even the most responsible, mature CHILDREN. I have a bright,beautiful & very intelligent 8 year old daughter and never in a million years would I let her roam a cruise ship alone or with another child. Do you want to know why???? SHE IS A CHILD!!!!! In case anyone did not know the rate of sexual assault and rape on a cruise ship is 3X what it is on land. Call me overprotecive or whatever but, my CHILD will be safe. For all the the parents of the "independent" kids. What is the rush for them to grow up? These days they grow up too damn fast anyway.

 

While I agree that 8 year olds should never be unattended on a cruise ship, the idea that kids have more independence today than back in the day is crazy! I walked myself 3/4 of a mile to kindergarten. My friends and I spend the day in a nearby park in early elementary school. I took the monorail to WDW by myself in 5th grade. My DH remembers riding his bike to practices and games in elementary school. I was taking the bus, with friends, to NYC, when I was 14. In high school, we had field trips to NYC, and we were left on our own, in Times Square (hooker central then), for lunch. We have parents driving kids to high school, talking to their college professors, sleeping in their dorms. There were very few "helicopter parents" when I was growing up. Now, they are epidemic. We forget that we're not raising children - we are raising adults. It is so important to gradually release the reigns, and make sure our children, future adults, can be confident, capable, and sure of themselves, because there are predators out there who also prey on those over the age of 16.

[Camlott]

Do you leave your digital camera out on the lounge chair? Of course not, it might walk.

Then why would you leave your elementary school aged kid unattended? amirite? :p

 

Although my children aren't of age where I have to make these decisions yet (4 1/2 & 7mos.), I think the above analogy is a little oversimplified for me. A digital camera has no brain and can't be taught not to "walk". My four year old knows better than to go off with anyone unless we have given her permission to do so.

 

To compare an 8-10 year old (who probably weighs a minimum of 50lbs and has been taught well and can use their brain for some simple reasoning) with a piece of electronics the size of a deck of cards and can be slipped into a pocket without any objections.... Seems a little too simplified for me.

 

I think the mall is probably the standard my wife and I will most likely use. But we will also make an assessment when we are on a cruise of how well our children are behaving and what types of things they are wanting to do "on their own". They certainly won't be allowed to roam, but they probably will be allowed to leave our sight under certain conditions.

[graceinmelbourne]

While I agree that 8 year olds should never be unattended on a cruise ship, the idea that kids have more independence today than back in the day is crazy! I walked myself 3/4 of a mile to kindergarten. My friends and I spend the day in a nearby park in early elementary school. I took the monorail to WDW by myself in 5th grade. My DH remembers riding his bike to practices and games in elementary school. I was taking the bus, with friends, to NYC, when I was 14. In high school, we had field trips to NYC, and we were left on our own, in Times Square (hooker central then), for lunch. We have parents driving kids to high school, talking to their college professors, sleeping in their dorms. There were very few "helicopter parents" when I was growing up. Now, they are epidemic. We forget that we're not raising children - we are raising adults. It is so important to gradually release the reigns, and make sure our children, future adults, can be confident, capable, and sure of themselves, because there are predators out there who also prey on those over the age of 16.

 

I agree with what you are saying here though sometimes it can be difficult to let go of those reigns. I can imagine a whole generation of kids who when they leave school won't be capable or confident enough to do much themselves because they have always had an adult drive them around, do things for them and hover over them watching their every move.

 

I find it hard to believe that crimes on cruise ships are 3 x greater than off the ship as a previous poster stated. I would expect that crimes on ships would be far less simply because the perpetrator would be trapped on the ship and would be far more likely to get caught. That's not to say that crimes don't happen but if there were serious crimes occuring on cruise ships I think we would have heard about them more than we do. We did let our kids (10 and 13) walk around the ship at times. They would go and look at the photo gallery, go and get an ice cream or check out the pool etc. and then come back to us. They are very well behaved and we knew they would not make a nuisance of themselves. They only went off for short periods of time and told us where they were going. I would describe us as being quite protective parents and we thought the ship was a very safe environment.

[Cruisin' Chick]

I don't doubt that many people may feel I'm overprotective. But then I have an only child and that probably adds to my and DH's approach to parenting.

 

On her last cruise, my daughter was 8 and I didn't give her sign in/out privileges. When it was time for the passenger scavenger hunt, one of the staff went with her. She even came up to us while we were eating in the buffet to see what categories we could sign for.

 

On her next cruise, she'll be 13 so it'll be different. We will give her rules and expect her to follow them. Just like when she window shops at the mall, she will check in with us so we know where she is (one friend she was with spent much of the time talking on a cell to a boy...and my daughter told me later that she thought her friend was being a bit too boy crazy at their age).

 

I certainly wouldn't approve of small kids not being supervised on board. That was the only negative on our last cruise -- a large extended family was onboard and the parents hanged out in the casino, etc., and the kids were hanging around everywhere except in the kids' program (my girl said she never saw any of these kids there). One of the youth security guards told us at our cruise critic meeting that he went up to one of the parents and said the kids needed to be properly supervised and the reply: I'm on vacation. I kid you not.

[Mack2]

Do you leave your digital camera out on the lounge chair? Of course not, it might walk.

Then why would you leave your elementary school aged kid unattended? amirite? :p

Although my children aren't of age where I have to make these decisions yet (4 1/2 & 7mos.), I think the above analogy is a little oversimplified for me. A digital camera has no brain and can't be taught not to "walk". My four year old knows better than to go off with anyone unless we have given her permission to do so.

 

To compare an 8-10 year old (who probably weighs a minimum of 50lbs and has been taught well and can use their brain for some simple reasoning) with a piece of electronics the size of a deck of cards and can be slipped into a pocket without any objections.... Seems a little too simplified for me.

 

I think the mall is probably the standard my wife and I will most likely use. But we will also make an assessment when we are on a cruise of how well our children are behaving and what types of things they are wanting to do "on their own". They certainly won't be allowed to roam, but they probably will be allowed to leave our sight under certain conditions.

Certainly an inanimate piece of photo equipment certainly cannot object to being stolen, but the fact of the matter is that there may be fellow passengers that don't have the ethical background that many of our fellow Cruise Critic friends have.

 

While we don't expect our digital cameras to be stolen on a cruise, it can happen.

 

The analogy simplified it, but I tend to think more pessimistically. If there are people that might steal my camera while I'm not looking, there may be people who may prey on my unattended children.

 

I'm not saying that Megan's Law offenders will always go cruising, they probably go to Disney World... who knows? But leaving an 8 year old to watch over a 6 year old sibling alone on a cruise isn't a good idea in my opinion.

I mean, why would the Kid's Clubs onboard have to authorize specific adults to pick up children from the club if there was little risk of anything "bad" happening? There's always a certain level of risk that you have to be comfortable that your children can deal with. I'm no helicopter, but again, the ages of the two unattended children in the post is too young for me.

[Maryscooking]

I find it hard to believe that crimes on cruise ships are 3 x greater than off the ship as a previous poster stated. I would expect that crimes on ships would be far less simply because the perpetrator would be trapped on the ship and would be far more likely to get caught. That's not to say that crimes don't happen but if there were serious crimes occuring on cruise ships I think we would have heard about them more than we do.

 

I am not the poster who mentioned those statistics, but I do remember reading reports that contained those numbers (the 3x number was specifically regarding rape).

 

Part of the reason the rates of crime are higher is that people on vacation perceive the cruise ship as "safe" and let their guard way down, making them prime targets for criminals. They leave valuables unattended on the pool deck, they tend to see all the other cruisers as benign, etc. They also drink more, again, making themselves a target for an unscrupulous person.

 

And the reason we don't hear about it more is because (if my understanding is correct) cruise ships aren't required to report incidences to authorities on land.

 

I'll see if I can come up with any fast links to real info.

 

Edited to add: I think I am just going to start a new thread with info I find so that it isn't buried in this thread.

[griffy116]

My grandson is 16 and is going on this 9th cruise. He started cruising at 4. We travel as an extended family and the rules were ALWAYS, no one wanders off alone. He has always been required to go with a cousin, nephew, niece, etc. We've already told the 16 year olds the same rules still applies. They aren't to be wandering around alone. They are each responsible for knowing where the other one is. We don't want a surprise like finding out one of them didn't come to the cabin the night before. We feel that common sense should be applied. We will be on a ship with 3000+ people that we don't know. Only the crew will have had a background check before boarding. We expect them to act responsibly, but we can't vouch for the others onboard. We don't want to be on a special edition of Dateline trying to recount the last time our teenager was seen. While we feel he'll be responsible on his college campus and is perfectly capable of independent thinking and taking care of himself, he will not be given free reign to come and go as he pleases alone. Why would you let an 8 year old wander the ship alone?

[mygirlchandler]

I would NOT let my 8 year old roam like that anywhere, especially on vacation. I have this strange desire to know where my children are at all times (and I'm one of those evil working parents who used daycare to 'raise' my kids **RME**).

 

I hate to tell ya that I do sorta judge... especially if a kid didn't know where his parents were. No no no. Just no. It strikes fear into my heart about what could happen. Not kidnapping but an accident or something where a kid needed a parent. That just makes me sad.

 

I don't condsider myself over protective or to have a heightened sense of danger. Mine ride bikes without helmets and eat candy and drink soda ;) But by golly they would not get to roam free on vacation, no way.

 

At each age, we'll revisit the topic. But at 8, no. Thirteen... perhaps... depending on the level of Boy-Crazy she's at. And it's so not fair to have older siblings tend to the young ones. (Maybe briefly, but not for hours).

 

Judgementally yours,

[Onessa]

• Letting an 8YO and a 6YO roam freely all day on-board is likely not a good idea.
  
• Letting a 10YO and an 8YO go down two decks together to get an ice cream and then come right back, may likely be a good way to introduce the kids to some independence.
  

Each parent is responsible to parent their kids -- those who think that they can take a vacation from being the parent are wrong. Part of parenting is setting up situations where the child can grow and learn safely.

 

It is important for all parents to think through the situations that their kid may encounter and set rules/guideline to help the kids make good decisions and to look for opportunities where their kids can safely practice these skills.

[mygirlchandler]

• Letting an 8YO and a 6YO roam freely all day on-board is likely not a good idea.
  
• Letting a 10YO and an 8YO go down two decks together to get an ice cream and then come right back, may likely be a good way to introduce the kids to some independence.
  

Each parent is responsible to parent their kids -- those who think that they can take a vacation from being the parent are wrong. Part of parenting is setting up situations where the child can grow and learn safely.

 

It is important for all parents to think through the situations that their kid may encounter and set rules/guideline to help the kids make good decisions and to look for opportunities where their kids can safely practice these skills.

 

These are good words. I'll never have an 10YO and an 8YO at the same time, but I will have a 10 YO and a 6YO... and at each age we will evaluate what is/is not appropriate.

 

Parenting never gets a break, you're right about that!

[Bound4Bermuda]

IMO, that's crazy that an 8 and 6 yo were wandering around the ship unaccompanied! A few times my 11 yo ran off to the Windjammer for a snack or back to the room to change out of his bathing suit by himself, but we'd stay put, so he'd run back and join us within 10 minutes. One night he wanted to go back to the room (my husband and toddler were already there), so my daughter and I walked him back because I didn't want him to be walking alone at night...even though we were inside, lol. He's the kind of kid who gets a little scared and didn't even want to THINK about kids' club because he wanted to be with us. So, I don't think it was a matter of being overprotective, just doing what he felt comfortable with: getting cookies alone in the afternoon yes, walking alone at night no.

[graceinmelbourne]

I don't condsider myself over protective or to have a heightened sense of danger. Mine ride bikes without helmets and eat candy and drink soda ;) But by golly they would not get to roam free on vacation, no way.

 

At each age, we'll revisit the topic. But at 8, no. Thirteen... perhaps... depending on the level of Boy-Crazy she's at. And it's so not fair to have older siblings tend to the young ones. (Maybe briefly, but not for hours).

 

Judgementally yours,

 

Sorry but I would have thought that letting kids ride bikes without helmets is far more dangerous than walking around a cruise ship on their own.

 

I do agree with you though about revisting the topic at each age. It also depends on the child. Some kids are bound to get up to no good if let loose and others are sensible and responsible.

[arpie05]

I am an overprotective mother and I know it. My son says I am the worst of all his friends. I have explained I try to be understanding and cool about things and to him that imagine what my parents were like - and he said if he had my parents that he would run away :p (because they are still obviously strict - they like to tell me what I'm still doing wrong at 40, even with him).

 

But as kids we played outside all day, road our bikes all over unsupervised. That is not safe in today's world.

 

On a cruise ship at 14 we had to develop new rules once he was 11 and allowed to check himself out. Fortunately, he likes Circle C. Our rule is - I have to know where he is. We go over the schedule. If there is an activity he might skip, we mark that down. I will sporatically go by Circle C and make sure he's there. If he is not - then punishment. I only caught him once leaving Circle C when he was suppose to be there - to go to the Comedy Show, which I was okay with because he wasn't roaming the ship and several Circle C kids were going (it was close to them on the Dream).

 

I also think as parents, you probably feel more protective of girls though bad things can happen to boys to.

[jerin]

• Letting an 8YO and a 6YO roam freely all day on-board is likely not a good idea.
  
• Letting a 10YO and an 8YO go down two decks together to get an ice cream and then come right back, may likely be a good way to introduce the kids to some independence.
  

Each parent is responsible to parent their kids -- those who think that they can take a vacation from being the parent are wrong. Part of parenting is setting up situations where the child can grow and learn safely.

 

It is important for all parents to think through the situations that their kid may encounter and set rules/guideline to help the kids make good decisions and to look for opportunities where their kids can safely practice these skills.

This. My 6 year old needs to be with an adult at all times (this partly has to do with her personality). The 10, 11 and 12 year olds are allowed more freedom, but they MUST stick together, and we MUST know where they are going. Unless they're headed to an organized activity, it's likely that one of us will follow in 20-30 minutes just to check in on them and make sure that they're doing ok and acting according to the standards we expect from them. If they're found on their own (without their buddy) or not acting appropriately, they lose the privilege of being able to go by themselves and must be accompanied by an adult from there on out.

[crusinmama06]

This. My 6 year old needs to be with an adult at all times (this partly has to do with her personality).

 

I bet my 6 year old and your 6 year old would make fast friends. :D

 

We should cruise together and introduce them. Or maybe not. They might take over the captain's bridge and comandeer the ship. :eek::p

[jerin]

I bet my 6 year old and your 6 year old would make fast friends. :D

 

We should cruise together and introduce them. Or maybe not. They might take over the captain's bridge and comandeer the ship. :eek::p

LOL Yes, THAT, exactly!!! I wouldn't be surprised if she plotted something like that on our next cruise, recruiting her 16 mo old cousin (who thinks she's 16 years old) as an accomplice!

 

We're sending the 11 and 12 year olds through security and then to baggage claim ahead of us, to condition them for possible trips to visit family without us (Southwest's age to fly as an adult is 12). The 6 year old is VERY upset that we're not letting her do the same.

[Onessa]

. . .We're sending the 11 and 12 year olds through security and then to baggage claim ahead of us, to condition them for possible trips to visit family without us (Southwest's age to fly as an adult is 12). . . .

Great idea! I chaparone for my DD's high school band trips - it is amazing how many of these kids are clueless when it comes to travel. They've either not travelled anywhere or mom/dad takes care of EVERYthing so they don't know how to fill out a form, or order in a resturant, or act in a hotel, or whatever.

 

I had two 16YO boys in my group on our bus trip this summer who had never really been out of state before - do you know how difficult it is for a 16YO boy to admit to a 50YO woman that he doesn't know how to do something? He won't! So he "swaggers" through situations, jokes with his friends, and then melts down (hey, I have a daughter and several nieces, I was a GIRL Scout leader, etc -- I don't know how to deal with a 6'2" 16YO boy who is homesick at 11:00 at night! :D)

 

The one only didn't know that the shower curtain liner had to go inside the tub, so he flooded the bathroom. Door access keys were left in the rooms (who knew the door would lock behind them?). One was sleeping on the floor during the first bed check - they couldn't figure out how to open the cot. And what didn't they forget to pack? Security stuff at a couple of venues was a pain because they were clueless. No wonder the band director only assigned me one group!

 

I'm hoping to get a slightly more savvy group for our trip next year to Pasadina for the Tournament of Roses parade! :)

[SingleFatherofDD]

I think everyone has made good points in this discussion so far. I remember cruising at a young age where I would be able to roam free on the ship. However that was some 10 to 20 years ago. Before a certain age my parents would take me where ever they went, or I would go into the kids club. Then I hit a special age and they allowed me some independence and that increased as I went on more and more vacations. However, there is a great difference in cruising from the 1990's to now. The ships are at least twice or three times as big as when I was a child. There are so many more places where you can get lost and for things to happen. Plus there are at least 1000 more passengers on each ship. Do I think the bad things have changed since I was a child, I don't think so I just feel that the media makes it easier to spread the word than before.

 

Let me get to my daughter. She just turned 5 years old on October 24th. I have only had her since February so I feel that I am overly protective of her. However, she is very young and has had a difficult past so far. I can't tell you what will happen when she get older but I can tell you now I don't allow her out of my sight, unless she is in the kids club. I travel by myself and with her so I don't have a chance to do things myself. The only time I do things myself is when she is in the kids club. I like the casino so I play in it at night for a few hours. But after she comes out of the kids club we spend the rest of the night together. Every child is different however, it is how we bring them up. We have to teach them independence but we also have to protect them. There is a fine wire that we as parents walk. Also every child is different and we as there parents know what they are capable of doing. We know if they would be ok being on their own or they would destroy things. It is the parents that feel they are on vacation and that it is also a vacation from parenting that leads to the most problems on a cruise ship.

 

As you can see I am more worried about the other children than stranger danger. I might be naive but feel that their are some protection that the government sets up to protect the public from these predators but they sometimes find away. However, if we keep an eye out we usually can prevent these things from happening.

 

In closing. Every good parent is over protective in their own way. What someone thinks is to over protective might be just right for that child. We only live with our children and only know our children. We can't judge the way other parents raise their children.

[plazamom]

I agree with many of the points brought up on this thread. Many kids grow up today having NO IDEA how to do anything. On the other hand, an 8 year old should not be wandering around unsupervised-with a 6 year old no less. Personally, we were on the Dawn this summer with my daughter (who will be 14 on Monday), my 12 year old daughter and my 10 year old son. My kids don't really care for the kid's clubs. Our previous cruise was 2 years ago where the kids basically were with us all of the time. If they weren't with us they were with their 21 year old cousin (whose birthday we were celebrating). This summer,we were with a large group (about 30 adults) but only 2 other children. They were 11 and 8. The kids were allowed a lot of freedom as long as they stayed in a group. My teenager was "in charge" and is very responsible. However, there were still rules they had to follow. No swimming without an adult in our group present and just common sense- no running, no bothering people, etc. My kids enjoy sit down dinners also and the shows so we always did this together. Of course they were never allowed off the ship without us. Each person has to know their own kids and do what they fell comfortable with. And even as teens I don't think I would be comfortable with them wandering around alone. I think if you have an only child it's alot different.

[Never content]

I see all sides to the replies of being over overprotective. As a parent I want to give my kids some freedom but always want to protect them! Now all of you really have me thinking: We are sailing in 15 days on The Explorer of the Seas. QUESTION?? Does anyone know just how the program works for the age of 13? I was under the assumption that the following took place: That they go to a specific place check in and then do activities, go places on the ship etc with supervised crew? Then if they check themselves out they are on their own to roam free? Is this true? If not can someone tell me how it works. I do not like to take anything for granted and as I'm sure the ship is safe there is always the possibility for ANYTHING to happen, we all are strangers!! I just want to take all the precautions to not put my daughter in any kind of harmful situations. She is wise and cautions but will be by herself until she meets some friends. In most cases I do not want her traveling the ship alone. Hope some of you can help me out. Thanks in advance.

[jerin]

For 12 and up, there's no sign-up/in or sign out. They have a schedule, letting them know what activities are scheduled. They meet in a designated place, a staff member explains the activity, and gets them started. Otherwise, there's usually a space that's monitored by security video for the kids to hang out (no adults allowed), but there's not necessarily staffing.

[LittleMissMagic]

I thought that maybe I could offer my viewpoint, having been on many cruises throughout my childhood, starting at age 6 (sister at 4).

 

I don't remember the "rules" that I had to adhere to while on vacation, but at the same time, I don't remember wandering around the ship by myself at a young age.

 

At 6, of course, I was either with my parents or in the kids' camp. I remember having several freakouts on my first cruise (Disney Magic) in the kids' camp, but by the end of the trip I was adjusted to being away from my parents. I guess I was one of those shy children that likes to stay with their parents or something.

 

At 9, I remember loving the kids' camps (RCI). I think I was old enough to sign myself out, but my sister was not. But my parents would sign me into the kids' club, and I would stay there until I was done, and then they would come to pick us up. I remember signing myself out once or twice, but not to wander.

 

I think it was age 12 where I was given that freedom. I remember going into the teens' club with my parents, and they were asking how to sign me in, and the staffers were surprised to see my parents or something. So of course I was a little embarassed, but at the same time, I was disappointed that the teens' club was not as "fun" as the kids' club. My sister was 10, and we would go get drinks or ice cream together or something, but for the most part, we still hung with our parents.

 

And then at age 15, I could pretty much do whatever.

 

Now, there is a negative connotation associated with kids and teens on cruise ships because some are rowdy. But not all of us are. I don't destroy things or play with the elevator buttons. I look at other teenagers (well, I'm technically an adult, but I still feel like a kid) and wonder why they can't all be like me. Not saying I'm perfect or something... just you know, have manners, be respectful of other people. I think that's the problem with a lot of teenagers - they aren't respectful of others. They are loud and obnoxious and want you to know that they are there.

 

I don't know why I am the way I am, but I'm glad I am. I think it has to do with how I was raised. Everyone would tease me for having overprotective parents or being sheltered or something, but I don't really think I was. After a certain point, your parents no longer have to get onto you, and you act the way you do because you know it's right. Maybe it's because your parents act that way.

 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is don't back down. It's okay to be a little "overprotective" (at the same time, I wouldn't encourage anyone to be super crazy overprotective, live their child's lives for them, make all of their decisions and deprive them of the ability to make their own choices). I don't know anything about parenthood, but I think it must be somewhat instinctive. So do what you think is right. In the end, I think your children will thank you for it.