Am I being overprotective?

[andiloveu]

It only takes one wrong decision to change a childs life forever. I'm not saying that there are predators lurking behind every corner on a cruise ship but you do not know the background of each person on a cruise. I would never allow my 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 year old roam around Disney or any amusement park by themselves. So why is a cruise ok? I don't think it is any different. We have to teach our children to defend themselves and know boundaries. That it is ok to say no to adults when it comes to their body or safety. I teach my boys what they need to know to protect themselves. And I teach them how to be independant. Each age has different learning scales and independance. So that when they do leave you they are strong about who they are and independant and able to take care of themselves.

 

Always go with your gut in regards to your children. They are a precious gift.

[rin1]

Add me to the group that enjoyed the camera analogy. Instead of getting hung up on the animate/inanimate debate, I think it's more of a litmus test: unless you thought it was safe enough and that passerby could be trusted enough not to grab your camera, it's not a safe enough area to let children roam unsupervised under a certain age. Obviously, everyone will have a different comfort level with what that age is. As someone who has taught 3rd grade (8-9 year olds) I might let them do short distances alone, but ideally they'd be in my sight the whole time. There's still plenty of time to let children grow and be independent and I don't know if a cruise ship full of strangers and other dangers (places they could fall, strange things they could drink) is the best place for full-scale independence.

 

I'm a big advocate of traveling as a family, but to the parents who thought they were "on vacation" from parenting - leave the kids at home or take a mini-break while the kids are signed in to the kids club! Sheesh!

[mjkacmom]

I am an overprotective mother and I know it. My son says I am the worst of all his friends. I have explained I try to be understanding and cool about things and to him that imagine what my parents were like - and he said if he had my parents that he would run away :p (because they are still obviously strict - they like to tell me what I'm still doing wrong at 40, even with him).

 

But as kids we played outside all day, road our bikes all over unsupervised. That is not safe in today's world.

 

On a cruise ship at 14 we had to develop new rules once he was 11 and allowed to check himself out. Fortunately, he likes Circle C. Our rule is - I have to know where he is. We go over the schedule. If there is an activity he might skip, we mark that down. I will sporatically go by Circle C and make sure he's there. If he is not - then punishment. I only caught him once leaving Circle C when he was suppose to be there - to go to the Comedy Show, which I was okay with because he wasn't roaming the ship and several Circle C kids were going (it was close to them on the Dream).

 

I also think as parents, you probably feel more protective of girls though bad things can happen to boys to.

 

Things are no more dangerous today then when I was growing up, and statistics prove it. Actually, I believe our kids are much safer, because they have cellphones, and are aware of the dangers. I just got off a cruise, and saw dd14 about once a day. She headed to the kids club, met her posse, and was instructed to come back to the cabin by 1:30 am (she was bummed - the rest were allowed to stay out later). She now has a bunch of new facebook friends. However, she's been walking to school since 4th grade, has the free run of the town here, and has never done anything I'm aware of to break my trust. Ds12 had a friend on board, so they spent most of their time at the pool table or sports deck. He did eat most of his meals with us. The 7, 7 and 9 year olds were with us, or at the club. They were all told that they weren't allowed to enter any cabin but ours.

[thelonelytourist]

My grandson is 16 and is going on this 9th cruise. He started cruising at 4. We travel as an extended family and the rules were ALWAYS, no one wanders off alone. He has always been required to go with a cousin, nephew, niece, etc. We've already told the 16 year olds the same rules still applies. They aren't to be wandering around alone. They are each responsible for knowing where the other one is. We don't want a surprise like finding out one of them didn't come to the cabin the night before. We feel that common sense should be applied.

 

Just so you know, your 16 year olds will have no trouble breaking off alone, co-conspirating, and getting into tons of trouble by themselves.16 is at the beginning of the age where they're interested in partying. That means all of your dear sweet grandchildren will be on the hunt for booze, sex, and other kids in their age group to share these things with.

 

How do I know this? I was 20 when I went on my last extended family vacation and my cousins, aged 17-22 at the time, found the other kids and we partied with them. The 16 year olds partied hardest. Seriously, they went as hard and strong as some of the kids I go to college with. I hate to break it to you, but any self-destructive behaviors your 16 year old will engage in without you knowing at home will be magnified on a vacation like that. it probably has been on previous trips.

[Cuizer2]

So on my last cruise (this past Aug.) my daughter befriended a little boy who was her age (8 years old) and has a younger brother who was 6.

I noticed my daughter playing/swimming with him and after awhile I noticed that I didn't see any adults he was with.

 

Throughout the week while we were walking to the dining room or walking to and from virtually anything the kids wanted to do we ran into this boy a lot. He always had his little brother with him.

 

One of the last days at sea I asked him where his mom or dad was he he said his mom was in the room with his baby brother and his father he didn't know. After talking to him, I came to the conclusion that he was a very smart boy who isn't shy at all! My husband lamented that we were being too strict with our kids. After all, they aren't even allowed to play in our front yard without one of us watching them and DH feels that since we live in a cul de sac they are safe.

 

Now, this post is in no ways passing judgment on any parent on what they do, I just want to hear your opinion. I personally don't feel comfortable with my 8 year old daughter walking the ship by herself and when she turns 9 on our next cruise she will NOT have the privilege of signing herself out of camp carnival.

 

How old are your kids and how much freedom do they get while cruising?

 

You have to do what you feel comfortable doing.

[dangerousfem]

This is the issue my husband and I are facing right now. We will be cruising in Sept 17th on the Dream. Our dd will be 11.5 when we cruise. She is a very book smart girl.. but not overly streetsmart. She wants to be able to do different things on the boat... but hubby and I not really comfortable with her going off by herself. I have been told by other family members that I am being too over protective.. but it just worries me. She is not allowed to roam the neighborhood.. why would I let her roam a huge ship with tons of strangers.:rolleyes:

[cinanina]

I would not let my children walking alone on the ship... There was a child who disappeared about ten years ago here in Portugal while ridding a bycicle just next to his mother's office on a quiet little town to the interior of the country where everybody knew each other. His mother's office was on a ground floor and she was watching him from the window. He has just disappeared. Another one is the case of the austrian girl Natascha Kampusch who also disappeared while walking with other colleagues to school, as usual, just because she was approached by a stranger on a car, ans was held kidnapped for eight years...

 

All these and other stories you read, some with adult teenagers, really scare me, so I don't let my son bike alone :( we have to be around and see him, I do not let my children in the garden by themselves, someone has to be watching over, and I only will let him go get ice cream or a juice if I can see him at all times, when I can no longer see him (because someone is on front, or something) I immediately run to check what's happening. I'm not loosing them :p no way. I don't care if it's considered overprotective, rather overprotective than get my son in a pedophile network, abused or hurt or lost... He's intelligent, he's communicative, he understands my concerns... I don't think he minds at all that we care about what he does

 

My daughter is only 2 so it goes without saying... we'll see in the future when they become teenagers how I think about it, but by now, I don't let them off my sight for a second!

[IttaBit]

I must be an overly protective mom because my 12.5 yo is going to have limited freedom when we cruise the Oasis. She's not going to be very happy I'm sure since she'll be part of the "teen" group but my husband and Iboth agreed that she's not ready to roam freely and be on her own yet. That's not to say that she won't get to participate in activities without us, but I want to know where she is and who she's with because things happen and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to her.

[musicgal]

It's just too easy to theorize about these things until something bad happens and it's too late. We traveled a lot with our kids when they were growing up, at every stage. They had a modicum of freedom on the Staatendam when we went to Alaska and they were teens. They would never have been running around the ship at eight years old on their own. Never. At ski resorts, we had meet up spots and walkie talkies to stay in touch. If they were in a kid's camp, we'd pass by during the day and see what was up- sometimes they didn't even know that we had popped in. I think it was on CC or another travel site that I read about a man trying to take a toddler. He stalked a parent down a corridor and tried to pick the child up and go to the elevator. I think we would be deceiving ourselves if we thought that pedophiles don't cruise. Besides for that threat, on a cruise, even adults fall or get pushed off the ship. I've seen adults dangle infants off a balcony... Michael Jackson comes to mind- but I've seen people that think that was funny. And even if there was no malicious intent, you sure would be mad if your child ended up in some gramma's room because she was concerned for their wellbeing after meeting them at the bar. Parenting is a full time job, even on a cruise.

[wcurry66]

Like one of the PPs, my 6 yr old DD was adopted from the foster care system (assuming that based on age in post). She had been left alone and allowed to roam her city since she could walk. She has lived with pretty much the worst of the worse, people-wise.

 

She has amazing street sense. If she tenses when interacting with a person, I take notice. Even with that amazing street sense, there's no way she'll be roaming the ship alone.

 

For one, she wouldn't WANT to go anywhere alone. Heck! she wants the door open she she goes to the bathroom! :p

 

For another, I would not roam the halls at night alone. If I don't feel its safe for me, why would i think it safe for her? I feel its my role to help her hone her instincts. That includes modelling safe behavior.

 

I do plan on letting her go on short trips around the ship with her 14 year old cousin.

 

It really comes down to how you can safely enable your child to become an independant adult, while not causing them to grow up too fast.

[bus man]

In case anyone did not know the rate of sexual assault and rape on a cruise ship is 3X what it is on land.

 

I would be interested in seeing a source for that statistic. Even if it's true, I would bet that the great majority of sexual crimes on cruise ships involve two adult strangers who meet at a bar, have a few too many to drink, then go back to one of their cabins.

[Aelsantokie]

After this post, I went on a cruise with my daughter and my mom (the queen of over-protective parent!!) to celebrate DD's birthday (turned 9).

 

I decided to go with my instinct on how I felt.

 

She was never allowed to go anywhere by herself, I just didn't feel comfortable. When we were going from dining room, or the buffet or anywhere for that matter I wanted her to lead, just so she was used to finding her way around the ship. I just wanted to make her more aware instead of just following mommy around.

 

She found a friend to play with in the pool (normally she would have her brothers but this was just girls only cruise) so while I was reading a book by the pool, she was allowed to go to the slides with her friend. If she didn't have her friend there I would accompany her to the pool. The only "con" to this situation is, I wanted to read my book and I don't normally ride the slide, but the "pro" is, definitely made my little girl laugh when she saw how soaked I got and ruined my hair :D and doing something I normally wouldn't do.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, I am not comfortable letting her wander on her own. Even during the breakfast or lunch at the buffet, unless she is walking over to get some more drinks where I can see her, I get stressed not knowing where she is. Of course the same goes to my boys if they are vacationing with me.

 

I was relieved to read the posts from others who backed me up on being protective (overly so?) because ultimately it's my DD's safety in question.

[Ashera0]

To Arlsantokie: I don't let my kids play in the front yard alone either and certainly won't be letting roam the ship by themselves at your daughter's age. Don't let anyone, even your DH, make you question your mommy instincts!!! You know what is best.

[OasisFamily2011]

OP, glad to hear you had a great cruise. I'm sure your daughter had a wonderful time, and I don't think you were being overprotective. I will have a 7 and 5 year old on our upcoming cruise, and they will not be roaming the ship freely. I will be looking for opportunities for some small freedoms for my 7 year old. It is always hard to find a balance!

 

I also would never let my 7 year old supervise my 5 year old. That seems like a recipe for disaster!

[blueeyedpunkin]

I'm new to cuising and I have two teenage children ages 13 and 15 (almost 16). I consider myself an over-protective parent because of past personal experiences in my own childhood. I try to give my children their freedom but I find myself panicing if they go out of sight. If they go outside I'm constantly at the window and can't move away for more than 30 seconds!

We are to have our first family cruise on the Carnival Fantasy in December this year. Since they will be in different age groups for the teen areas this is a concern for me. Has anyone had to deal with this situation? Also I mentioned this to the Carnival agent who (of course) assured me the ships are perfectly safe and she suggested I could use walkie talkies to keep in touch. Has anyone tried this and how successful was it?

[cruiseaway99]

Hello,

When i went on a cruise when i was 11 i was not allowed out on the cruise ship by myself. But i had to at least be with my 14 yr old cousin at all times and i was not allowed sign out privlidges.

[mjkacmom]

I'm new to cuising and I have two teenage children ages 13 and 15 (almost 16). I consider myself an over-protective parent because of past personal experiences in my own childhood. I try to give my children their freedom but I find myself panicing if they go out of sight. If they go outside I'm constantly at the window and can't move away for more than 30 seconds!

We are to have our first family cruise on the Carnival Fantasy in December this year. Since they will be in different age groups for the teen areas this is a concern for me. Has anyone had to deal with this situation? Also I mentioned this to the Carnival agent who (of course) assured me the ships are perfectly safe and she suggested I could use walkie talkies to keep in touch. Has anyone tried this and how successful was it?

 

13 and 15? I think you might want to really consider therapy if you are pacing if they are out of your sight. I have children that age, who are free to pretty much go wherever they want, provided I know where they are. On our last cruise, I saw my 14 year old every morning, and when she returned at 1:30 am. My children are independent and confident, and will be ready to enter the adult world in a few years.

 

To keep in touch, we just used post-its on the cabin door.

[blueeyedpunkin]

I think saying someone needs therapy for being over protective is rude. I do allow my children to go places with others and I'm ok with that. I do try to give them their independance and go places alone but I constantly worry when they're gone. As I said I've never been on a cruise and I'm a little concerned especially where my 13 year old daughter is concerned. She tends to think nothing bad can happen to her and she has always been accident/incedent prone because she doesn't pay attention to the things around her.

I also stated that I have personal reasons for being over protective because of things that happened to me when I was younger with someone who was supposed to be a trusted adult in my life. I realize these things happen to a lot of people but excuse me if I try to keep it from happening to my children.

I'm just looking for a little re-assurance that things will be ok while on board the ship as I don't know what to expect!

[6rugrats]

On our last cruise, I saw my 14 year old every morning, and when she returned at 1:30 am. My children are independent and confident, and will be ready to enter the adult world in a few years.

 

So are mine, but I was not letting them roam around a ship, or anywhere else until 1:30 am when they were 14 years old.

 

There was a post yesterday (don't remember where) from a girl whose parents let her roam around the ship alone, and she was a lot older than 14. She detailed what kind of things were going on, that her parents had no idea about. They included meeting up with other young people who had purchased pot in Jamaica, underage drinking, etc.

 

I see so many parents who say, "my kids would never do that". I also see lots of kids doing these things. There's a difference between being "overprotective" and just parenting.

[cello56]

13 and 15? I think you might want to really consider therapy if you are pacing if they are out of your sight. I have children that age, who are free to pretty much go wherever they want, provided I know where they are. On our last cruise, I saw my 14 year old every morning, and when she returned at 1:30 am. My children are independent and confident, and will be ready to enter the adult world in a few years.

 

To keep in touch, we just used post-its on the cabin door.

 

Most parents who take their kids on a "Family Vacation" actually want to spend times with their kids as a family. I really think that you are not the norm, but the exception. Do you let her wander in at 1:30am at home too?

 

Please parents keep in mind that your 15 year old is just as close to being an elementary student 12 year old as they are to being an 18 year old going off to college. Why this huge rush to grow up? They have their entire life to be out on their own.

[elmom]

I would say, not even until they were 12. My 6 y/o son is very bright (GT/very high IQ), not shy, in martial arts, and very very good about his boundaries. He knows based on instinct what is ok and what isnt. We have raised 2 othe bright boys who are young adults now. And I do trust all of them to follow the rules and keep safe. But on cruise ships there are 1000s of strangers. On that ship there will be pedophiles (they are everywhere in real life too), criminals, people who don't keep an eye out for their behavior, for thier kids. And add the extra alcohol and an "anything goes" feeling and it just isn't safe to let kids hang out without supervision.

 

I could see somewhere 11+ allowing them to run to the soft serve machine in a group. But...eeek...nope, not 8.

[elmom]

Ummmmm....as a child who was given lots of "independence" and was "ready to enter the adult world" when I was 18, I can promise you it isn't in the child's best interest. If you don't believe me, just ask my therapist

 

:eek:

[mjkacmom]

I think saying someone needs therapy for being over protective is rude. I do allow my children to go places with others and I'm ok with that. I do try to give them their independance and go places alone but I constantly worry when they're gone. As I said I've never been on a cruise and I'm a little concerned especially where my 13 year old daughter is concerned. She tends to think nothing bad can happen to her and she has always been accident/incedent prone because she doesn't pay attention to the things around her.

I also stated that I have personal reasons for being over protective because of things that happened to me when I was younger with someone who was supposed to be a trusted adult in my life. I realize these things happen to a lot of people but excuse me if I try to keep it from happening to my children.

I'm just looking for a little re-assurance that things will be ok while on board the ship as I don't know what to expect!

 

There is a difference for being concerned about our children, and not being able to have them out of your sight for more than 30 seconds. My kids (all 5) have been walking to school without me since the second grade. I know many kids 13+ who take public transportation. So far, my kids have never gotten in trouble. I know their friends well, they have never been caught being places where they shouldn't be.

 

My job is not to raise children, but to raise adults. I know bad things can happen. I also know that kids will make mistakes - I think it's important that they do, to learn from them. You just can't wrap them in a bubble. My 2 oldest are responsible for getting themselves up every morning, making their breakfast, and getting out the door with enough time to walk to school. They've never been late.

 

I still get my younger 3 up, they make their breakfast about half the time, pack mosts of their lunches, but I make sure they're out the door in time to walk to school (ages 8 and 10). They'll set their alarms once they get to middle school, and be responsible for getting there on time.

 

Until my children do something that causes me not to trust them, I will trust them. And when that happens (because I'm guessing it will), there will be pretty severe consequences. I don't want their first taste of freedom to be when they go off to college. I prefer to give them some independence when I'm really close by.

[reallyitsmema]

13 and 15? I think you might want to really consider therapy if you are pacing if they are out of your sight. I have children that age, who are free to pretty much go wherever they want, provided I know where they are. On our last cruise, I saw my 14 year old every morning, and when she returned at 1:30 am. My children are independent and confident, and will be ready to enter the adult world in a few years.

 

To keep in touch, we just used post-its on the cabin door.

This girl was also returning to her cabin at 1:30am but went to a different cabin instead.

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1541504

[hbmom2]

I don't think you're being too overprotective. You do whatever YOU think is best for your children. The truth is, there is bad people in this world most likely anywhere you go.

Believe it or not, my oldest DD (almost 13) is paranoid of roaming alone. She definitely takes after her worry wart grandmother. :P She sometimes goes to Circle C, but tends to stay with us...although when she does go to circle c, she has a blast. Youngest DD is the complete opposite. She likes to roam, and this is where I set in the rules - NO roaming around the ship, only to get ice cream or pizza and back. And I usually send her sister to go with her. Better safe than sorry! :)

 

 

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