Whatever happened to.....

[skylock]

Again, you are missing the point. In this day and age I suppose I may be somewhat of a dinosaur. Our activity on our balcony was not deliberately contrived to annoy. I try to respect everyone, The form and attitude of the communication I heard from my fellow guest was sarcastic and rude. If it had been civil and polite, then there would have been no further conflict. Call me whatever you wish, make any judgement you want, but a politely worded communication would have resolved the whole affair.

 

Again I will repeat that I heard no complaints prior to that time. It is obvious that you have come down on the side the gentlemen below. And while I respect everyone's opinion, I must respectfully disagree. Even a simple polite not posted with a sticky on our cabin door would have done fine. I always respect the wishes of others, as long as they are conveyed in a civil manner.

 

I am going to try to explain this to you one more time in plain simple english.

 

What the guy did was rude.

 

What you did was rudier, ie lacking any manners on your part.

 

You knew why the guy was being rude to you. You were disturbing him with your chair scraping.

 

The guy did not know why you were being rude to him, therefore, to level the rudness board, you would have needed to tell the guy you were offended by his language and until he asked you nicely and politely you would continue to scrape chairs around, but you did not do that, so of the two of you, you were the one in the most wrong.

[MszKitty]

Not the point of my post. At least I didn't intend for it to be so. My point was that if the initial, or follow on complaints had been polite or at least civil' The offended person would have received my best efforts to address his concerns. Perhaps I have a chip on my shoulder about this sort of thing. I'm not perfect after all (who is???)

 

And at the risk of repeating myself, our balcony activities on this cruise were in no way different than any of our previous cruises.

 

I will be taking this into account on future cruises.

I suppose my point is that polite and civil discourse is the proper and best way to resolve this type of issue. Sarcasm, and vulgarity will never be a good way to initiate communication between strangers, At least I hope not.

 

The right thing to do would have been to take it into account on THIS cruise.

[*Mach*]

….basic good manners?? My extended family and I just got back from the Carnival Legend 4/17 sailing, and we had a wonderful time. My DW, DD and I were in cabin 8371, while my MIL, FIL and DS were in 8373 (the aft wrap on the starboard side).

I spend a lot of time out on my balcony, particularly in the evenings. For me it’s one of the best parts of the cruise. Typically I sit in one chair, with a table beside me and pull another chair up to put my feet up on. Since we always have to balcony divider open between the 2 cabins, my family uses the balcony to go back and forth between the cabins, so we move the chairs around.

 

I’ve never had a problem with this before, but apparently this was annoying the “gentleman” in one of the cabins below. On the 4th full day of the cruise, while leaving Roatan, I was treated to a loud sarcastic voice saying “Hey, do you think you could move your chairs around a little more……thanks”. I thought this was a strange request (actually I got the point, but I don’t normally respond to impolite language, so I ignored him.)

 

As the cruise went on, the language from my friend below became vulgar. “F-word” and “A**hole” being the most common. My initial reaction would have been to actually make a concerted effort to make MORE noise, but I decided that was beneath me. But I did elect not to modify my behavior due to the rude and vulgar nature of his language.

 

If he has simply said something to like, “Excuse me, but the noise of your balcony chairs is disturbing me, could you please try to be more quiet.” I would have made every effort to attenuate the noise. But since this man obviously had no clue about how to politely ask for consideration (poor upbringing obviously) I felt no need to heed his churlish requests.

 

I was raised to respect others, and to have proper manners, my wife and I have done our best to raise our two children the same way, we regularly receive compliments on how polite and respectful our son and daughter are. Unfortunately, good manners and basic courtesy, particularly in verbal discourse are becoming a lost art. It’s sad really, the world would be a much more civil and kind place if everyone would show a little basic respect for others. I’m truly sorry that he was disturbed by our activity, and if he had only communicated in a civil manner, I would have gladly addressed the problem. Instead, he chose the rude and obnoxious path, and therefore, I don’t care that he was annoyed.

 

 

Anonymity breeds rudeness. He knew that you could not see him and would likely never see him or even if you did not know who he was. It's the internet syndrome. Hidden away from the view of others manners fade faster than an Earl Scheib paint job.

I have always said that the only bad part of any cruise are some of the other passengers... so it seems the same is true for you...

:)

[mrpayroll]

Posts like this make me appreciate our nice dark, QUIET, cheap, inside cabin......( no response required ) :)

[Catrin]

Just because no one complained on your previous cruises, did not mean that moving the chairs did not bother them. For whatever reason, they may have made the choice to "deal with it" or ignore it.

 

Some people just do not know how to deal with strangers, in a confrontational way. Sarcasm is a lot easier, hoping that the stranger will get the point.

 

Sorry this happened to you, but I also feel for the "Gentleman" below you who paid good money for his cruise to only have the sounds of chairs disrupt his peace and quiet all week.

 

BTW>>> Have you read Pride and Prejudice? Your quote "If he only communicated in a civil manner" comes right from that book!

 

Unfortunately, the neighbor could be posting the same exact thing about YOUR manners on this cruise, from his perspective.

 

Catrin

[GottaLuvCruising]

I understand that the OP was unaware of how bothersome the chair moving is to the guests on the balcony below them. The other guest's response clearly conveys that they had been frustrated for some time and should have handled it differently. Had I been the OP, I hope I would have received the message and responded differently. Sitting here, at home, on my PC, I think the best thing would have been to apologize, explaining that they didn't know the chairs were causing noise below and advising that they would be more careful. This action would have diffused the situation, everyone could have enjoyed their cruise more and the lower-deck passenger might have learned a lesson about how to express their frustration and deal with a difficult situation.

[vermonter16]

I would have made even more noise and then come to cruisecritic and post about the great manners I have, admitting to my family constantly moving chairs, and give myself big pats on the back for being even more annoying...and then complain about the gentleman who was on his vacation to but had been driven out of his mind by scraping chairs directly above him.

 

From what it sounds like - I think I would have been annoyed as well. If the balcony divider is open and people are just back and forth, back and forth moving the chairs here, moving the chairs there.... I would definitely start getting a little aggravated and I would have said something....probably sarcastic as well because it sounds like the chairs were being moved an awful lot! What the OP got is someone finally saying something about the noise they were creating... I would have notified someone on the ship to see if the people could be asked to please be quieter....if that didn't get anywhere than I would definitely start getting more aggravated and probably would have said things that I shouldn't.

 

To the OP - that is not manners to only treat others how they are treating you. I am not claiming to have manners but since you are....that really doesn't sound like manners to me. More often than not - most people have good manners if given the perfect scenarios with the perfect, polite people. However, if not given those circumstances - people sometimes show their true colors. And that my friend - is what you might have done. You based your 'manners' on the gentleman's 'manners'.... If you really had manners, you would have made a concerted effort to stop what you were doing that was annoying him... But, maybe I have the whole definition of manners wrong.....

 

The OP was lucky that it wasn't DH below the vast movement of chairs....

 

What someone needs to do is write Miss Manners to see what she would say...I'm sure it wouldn't be to go ahead and NOT modify your behavior because someone was rude...but stick to your manners and rise above it...which is something I don't think you did. Fun post to read though - thanks a lot!

[nancydee]

I probably would have yelled back something to the effect of... Sorry Buddy, just trying to get comfy...And that would have been that. Once I realized it was bothering the people below I would have made a greater effort not to scrape the chairs.

[jerseyralph]

….basic good manners?? My extended family and I just got back from the Carnival Legend 4/17 sailing, and we had a wonderful time. My DW, DD and I were in cabin 8371, while my MIL, FIL and DS were in 8373 (the aft wrap on the starboard side).

I spend a lot of time out on my balcony, particularly in the evenings. For me it’s one of the best parts of the cruise. Typically I sit in one chair, with a table beside me and pull another chair up to put my feet up on. Since we always have to balcony divider open between the 2 cabins, my family uses the balcony to go back and forth between the cabins, so we move the chairs around.

 

I’ve never had a problem with this before, but apparently this was annoying the “gentleman” in one of the cabins below. On the 4th full day of the cruise, while leaving Roatan, I was treated to a loud sarcastic voice saying “Hey, do you think you could move your chairs around a little more……thanks”. I thought this was a strange request (actually I got the point, but I don’t normally respond to impolite language, so I ignored him.)

 

As the cruise went on, the language from my friend below became vulgar. “F-word” and “A**hole” being the most common. My initial reaction would have been to actually make a concerted effort to make MORE noise, but I decided that was beneath me. But I did elect not to modify my behavior due to the rude and vulgar nature of his language.

 

If he has simply said something to like, “Excuse me, but the noise of your balcony chairs is disturbing me, could you please try to be more quiet.” I would have made every effort to attenuate the noise. But since this man obviously had no clue about how to politely ask for consideration (poor upbringing obviously) I felt no need to heed his churlish requests.

 

I was raised to respect others, and to have proper manners, my wife and I have done our best to raise our two children the same way, we regularly receive compliments on how polite and respectful our son and daughter are. Unfortunately, good manners and basic courtesy, particularly in verbal discourse are becoming a lost art. It’s sad really, the world would be a much more civil and kind place if everyone would show a little basic respect for others. I’m truly sorry that he was disturbed by our activity, and if he had only communicated in a civil manner, I would have gladly addressed the problem. Instead, he chose the rude and obnoxious path, and therefore, I don’t care that he was annoyed.

 

You know, sometimes we have to take the high road. We need to behave toward others as we expect them to behave toward us. Our world would be so much nicer if we all, at least, tried.

 

The way that you wrote this prompts consideration that you had a good time dragging those chairs from point a to point b. Your justification is silly; Kind of like I got him because he got me first, tit for tat, and it escalated.

 

Good extended family role modeling? Ah...Nope.

[pe4all]

I probably would have yelled back something to the effect of... Sorry Buddy, just trying to get comfy...And that would have been that. Once I realized it was bothering the people below I would have made a greater effort not to scrape the chairs.

Me too!

[bigboatrider]

I always respect the wishes of others, as long as they are conveyed in a civil manner.

With these "manners" you'll get a swift kick in the arse before civility. "Manners" work both ways and YOU are MISSING THE POINT:rolleyes: JMO.

 

The right thing to do would have been to take it into account on THIS cruise.

Amen!

 

I probably would have yelled back something to the effect of... Sorry Buddy, just trying to get comfy...And that would have been that. Once I realized it was bothering the people below I would have made a greater effort not to scrape the chairs.

Ding, ding, ding!!! We have a winner!!!!! But that would require "manners" that the OP apparently wasn't taught, and would be "beneath" him, lol

[Blind Squirrel]

It wasn't basic manners that was missing on this cruise it was common sence. If you could hear the chairs being moved aboved above you, One could reason that the gentleman below you could here you. So two wrongs make a right. Not what I teach my son.

[rybreadsmomshubby]

Again, A polite request at the beginning would have avoided any further problems. That was the whole point of my post. Polite language costs nothing, and often is far more effective than the alternative.

 

There's a whole lot of missing the point here.

 

You instigated this episode by your act of rudeness, i.e. noisily moving chairs around without due consideration for your neighbors.

 

You received a request (albeit not to your liking) to desist from said behavior.

 

You continued said behavior, wilfully ignoring your neighbor's request.

 

You, my good man, are the rude one.

 

The ability to say "please" and "thank you" is a wonderful thing, but it's about deeds, not words.

[Warm Breezes]

I have to agree with the others OP. You were rude initially by making all the noise and being oblivious to your neighbors around you. Just because you got away with it on prior cruises, doesn't make it right. Your neighbor responded to your rudeness with a sarcastic remark. You responded with more scrapping. Your neighbor responded with foul language. You responded with more scrapping...and the cycle continued until you were both frustrated and angry. Sounds like you both had an enjoyable cruise:rolleyes:.

 

IMHO...to diffuse the situation you should have apologized and stopped making the noise that started the whole incident.

[cyntil8ing]

Manners aren't about being gracious only to those that deserve it, but to everyone. Ever hear of the golden rule?

[GHarkness]

Again, you are missing the point. In this day and age I suppose I may be somewhat of a dinosaur. Our activity on our balcony was not deliberately contrived to annoy.

 

And the "gentleman" below knows this HOW? Certainly, he could not come to this conclusion by your behavior, could he?

 

I don't think it was nice of him to yell and be rude, or to use foul language. But once you knew there was a problem, you should have changed your behavior....just because it is the right thing to do.

 

Again I will repeat that I heard no complaints prior to that time.

 

This is utterly meaningless. Many people do not use their balconies....ever. Perhaps this is the first passenger below you who actually wanted to use his balcony as much as you wanted to use yours? It certainly is possible. And perhaps others might have wanted some peace and quiet but were mannerly enough not to mention the problem (yes, I know that if this were true, you couldn't know, but not everyone is confrontational, and you don't want to annoy anyone, do you?) Perhaps others would be afraid that if they did bring it up, you might try to get back at them....there are others who are like that, and the people below you wouldn't automatically know which you might be, and so perhaps they were equally bothered and just didn't say anything.

 

It seems to me that the best practice is to go to the effort, starting on day one, to make as little noise as possible, knowing that if there is someone below you - and there likely is - that they are not interested in hearing you move around. Much anguish (for both of you) will be averted.

[jaded99]

I have to say, having experienced noisy neighbors on a cruise before and not having approached them to mention it, it might not be because you weren't bothering them. It might just be that they didn't want to confront you. The sad truth is that a lot of the time when someone is rude, confronting them will just start a scene. To you, moving the chairs around loudly might not have seemed rude because you may not have known how noisy or disruptive it was, but to your downstairs neighbor, it might have seemed like you had to have some idea how rude it was and were choosing to do it anyway. You said you would have been accomodating had they approached you politely, but not everyone would have. In this day and age, some people are just confrontational and I think the fear of getting into a confrontation prevents people from directly approaching someone who is being rude.

 

Isn't it better to just be mindful of your neighbors in the first place? Personally, I don't think you should have to be asked to make reasonable efforts to be quiet.

[helicopter]

OK, I'm going to go there. There are 2 sides to every story. Knowing other people are directly beneath you trying to enjoy their cruise also, it would have been the proper thing to do to pick up your chairs and move them quietly or drag them once to an area where you would have been comfortable keeping them. I have experienced "upstairs neighbors" and know how irritating it can be when they have no regard for those beneath them. Also, nice Thesaurus.

 

Exactly what I was thinking!

[crusinpsychRN]

You shouldn't have been scraping your chairs to begin with.

[tulsacubfan]

 

A person with manners and a good upbringing would have realized they were disturbing another person by whatever means the other person used and moved the chairs quieter and would not have had to hear the abusive language the rest of the cruise.

 

A person with good manners and upbringing would have picked the chairs up to move them from the start and would not have been disturbing the people below them by dragging and scraping the chairs.....

 

I am not sure I believe the OP has done this on every cruise they have taken and nobody has complained. Either this was only their 2nd cruise...or they have been lucky and had people below them that were either never on their balcony....or were too polite to complain...

[tulsacubfan]

That brings up another question......it's amazing that CCL with all the resources at their disposal can't specify deck chairs that can be moved about without making that annoying sound.

 

 

They can be moved without making that annoying sound....pick them up.

[tulsacubfan]

Again, you are missing the point. In this day and age I suppose I may be somewhat of a dinosaur. Our activity on our balcony was not deliberately contrived to annoy. I try to respect everyone, The form and attitude of the communication I heard from my fellow guest was sarcastic and rude. If it had been civil and polite, then there would have been no further conflict. Call me whatever you wish, make any judgement you want, but a politely worded communication would have resolved the whole affair.

 

Again I will repeat that I heard no complaints prior to that time. It is obvious that you have come down on the side the gentlemen below. And while I respect everyone's opinion, I must respectfully disagree. Even a simple polite not posted with a sticky on our cabin door would have done fine. I always respect the wishes of others, as long as they are conveyed in a civil manner.

 

I think we get your point....the guy was rude in asking you to stop. And perhaps he was....and that usually makes people continue in the behavior. But I think you are missing the point...or would prefer not to see that you are just as guilty of being rude as he is....had you had any manners or consideration for the people below you, you would have been picking up the chairs to move them from the start. In my humble opinion, that is just as rude as yelling at you to stop doing it!

 

It's like talking during a movie. Who is rude...the person who is talking, or the person who asks him/her to stop? I think it is the person who is talking...I venture to guess you think it is the person who tells them to shut up.

[gemsm]

i probably would have yelled back something to the effect of... Sorry buddy, just trying to get comfy...and that would have been that. Once i realized it was bothering the people below i would have made a greater effort not to scrape the chairs.

 

^+1

[LivingWild]

….basic good manners?? My extended family and I just got back from the Carnival Legend 4/17 sailing, and we had a wonderful time. My DW, DD and I were in cabin 8371, while my MIL, FIL and DS were in 8373 (the aft wrap on the starboard side).

I spend a lot of time out on my balcony, particularly in the evenings. For me it’s one of the best parts of the cruise. Typically I sit in one chair, with a table beside me and pull another chair up to put my feet up on. Since we always have to balcony divider open between the 2 cabins, my family uses the balcony to go back and forth between the cabins, so we move the chairs around.

 

I’ve never had a problem with this before, but apparently this was annoying the “gentleman” in one of the cabins below. On the 4th full day of the cruise, while leaving Roatan, I was treated to a loud sarcastic voice saying “Hey, do you think you could move your chairs around a little more……thanks”. I thought this was a strange request (actually I got the point, but I don’t normally respond to impolite language, so I ignored him.)

 

As the cruise went on, the language from my friend below became vulgar. “F-word” and “A**hole” being the most common. My initial reaction would have been to actually make a concerted effort to make MORE noise, but I decided that was beneath me. But I did elect not to modify my behavior due to the rude and vulgar nature of his language.

 

If he has simply said something to like, “Excuse me, but the noise of your balcony chairs is disturbing me, could you please try to be more quiet.” I would have made every effort to attenuate the noise. But since this man obviously had no clue about how to politely ask for consideration (poor upbringing obviously) I felt no need to heed his churlish requests.

 

I was raised to respect others, and to have proper manners, my wife and I have done our best to raise our two children the same way, we regularly receive compliments on how polite and respectful our son and daughter are. Unfortunately, good manners and basic courtesy, particularly in verbal discourse are becoming a lost art. It’s sad really, the world would be a much more civil and kind place if everyone would show a little basic respect for others. I’m truly sorry that he was disturbed by our activity, and if he had only communicated in a civil manner, I would have gladly addressed the problem. Instead, he chose the rude and obnoxious path, and therefore, I don’t care that he was annoyed.

 

It is amazing how those who often preach how poorly others were raised improperly believe that they are doing a great job of it themselves.

[trailercruiser]

Your not going to get manners on the internet so don't expect for many to agree with you. These same people saying you were wrong obviously then must agree that if I start my vulgar language toward my balcony neighbor about there smoking annoying my use of the balcony, the guy must stop his smoking because he is being rude. They are hypocrites if they disagree with this. It is legal to move your chairs around and its legal to smoke on your balcony. So the next time I "F" my neighbor for smoking on his balcony I will know I have all these CCers on my side.;)