Etiquette and Safety when bringing Kids on cruise

[mktmzm]

I have a question that may seem odd, but... I have a newly Single Dad bringing his 12 and 14 year olds (Girl and Boy) in our party and I need some help. He isn't the most clued in Dad and often treats his kids like adults. Can anyone advise me on helping him understand Cruise Ship Etiquette and Safety for Children? How would you all recommend that I guide him on stranger danger, running through the halls, cutting in line, etc..

 

He also has a habit of leaving his children with the Mom's while he goes off to the bar or other events with the other men. How do I indicate to him that this is not acceptable?

 

Also, he seems to think it is ok to leave the kids in the cabin (with a balcony) by themselves for a couple of hours in the late evening while he has a few drinks with they guys. This HORRIFIES ME. He seems to think that since he does it at home sometimes, that is ok on cruise ship?

 

Am I just being overly protective or can some of you offer suggestions about how to approach him with the best practices for child supervision on a cruise ship?

[Carolin]

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do or say to change his parenting style. If someone started this conversation with you, how would you react? Its very nice that you are very concerned about the kids. Are there any other kids in the group around the same age?

[mktmzm]

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do or say to change his parenting style. If someone started this conversation with you, how would you react? Its very nice that you are very concerned about the kids. Are there any other kids in the group around the same age?

 

It is actually my Brother-in-Law. I love him dearly, but.. he is just CLUELESS with parenting stuff.

 

He will typically spend more time with his Son who is athletic, but he leaves his daughter sitting around with the Mom's who are not on Vacation to babysit.

[mktmzm]

I should also note that my Husband and I are paying for all 3 of them to go on this trip

[johneeo]

I have a question that may seem odd, but... I have a newly Single Dad bringing his 12 and 14 year olds (Girl and Boy) in our party and I need some help. He isn't the most clued in Dad and often treats his kids like adults...........

 

...... He also has a habit of leaving his children with the Mom's while he goes off to the bar or other events with the other men. How do I indicate to him that this is not acceptable?

 

Also, he seems to think it is ok to leave the kids in the cabin (with a balcony) by themselves for a couple of hours in the late evening while he has a few drinks with they guys. This HORRIFIES ME. He seems to think that since he does it at home sometimes, that is ok on cruise ship?

 

.........

 

Just curious, how do you know so much about this guy's parenting, and why is it any concern of yours?

[mktmzm]

Just curious, how do you know so much about this guy's parenting, and why is it any concern of yours?

 

Read above.. These are my niece and nephew and my Husband and I are paying for the trip.

[GTO-Girl]

It is actually my Brother-in-Law. I love him dearly, but.. he is just CLUELESS with parenting stuff.

 

He will typically spend more time with his Son who is athletic, but he leaves his daughter sitting around with the Mom's who are not on Vacation to babysit.

 

Please dont' take this as being mean, because it's not meant to sound that way. But he doesn't sound clueless as much as "lazy". Now that he's a single Dad it's time he stepped up to the plate and bonded with his children.

 

Since he's a close relative and you are paying for this trip, you should have a conversation with him before you leave. This would be a perfect time for him to give his children the attention they need from their FATHER.

[Carolin]

Thank you. A very nice treat for your niece and nephew. Since your related, its a bit easier. Talk to the kids yourself. Other kids on the ship will also have restrictions put on them by their parents. Basically, it will be about good common sense and safety. Safety first.

[mktmzm]

Please dont' take this as being mean, because it's not meant to sound that way. But he doesn't sound clueless as much as "lazy". Now that he's a single Dad it's time he stepped up to the plate and bonded with his children.

 

Since he's a close relative and you are paying for this trip, you should have a conversation with him before you leave. This would be a perfect time for him to give his children the attention the need.

 

 

I am not taking it as mean. I thank you for your candor. Personally, I agree with you. My DH, of course, does not.

 

We have had that conversation once when we offered them the trip. I will continue to have it as needed and also to have it right before the trip. We are a party of 15 and 5 of them are Adult Women. I am sure those other Women do not want to be parenting his children.

[johneeo]

Read above.. These are my niece and nephew and my Husband and I are paying for the trip.

 

Now that is a horse of a different color. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would not have done this.

 

You and your husband will need to accept some of the responsibility since it is you that are taking them.

 

I would have a sit down and make it very clear what your concerns are and establish your expectations.

[chipq]

It is a tough spot but as you have stated that your neice appears to be somewhat overlooked by her dad, maybe it is an opportunity for you to bond with your neice (certainly not every night/day etc) but to include her with the "girls" hanging by the pool or an evening to the show room.

 

There is also the possibilty that they may connect with a number of friends in the youth program and both kids won't want to hang out at all with the "old" folks. Some of the activites can go into the late evening and occasionally early morning,

 

It is challenging for us guys to shake the desire to hang out with our pals. I have a 9 and an 11 yo and absolutely there are times that I would like to stay late at the bar or casino with DW but we don't. Would not for a moment think about leaving our kids alone in our balcony cabins. The time will come when they are old enough sooner than we really would like but for now the kids are more important.

 

From what it sounds, you may be the one to have the cruise safety discussion with your neice and nephew. They may get it even if dad does not. Good Luck

 

http://luv2cruise.blogspot.com

[mktmzm]

It is a tough spot but as you have stated that your neice appears to be somewhat overlooked by her dad, maybe it is an opportunity for you to bond with your neice (certainly not every night/day etc) but to include her with the "girls" hanging by the pool or an evening to the show room.

 

There is also the possibilty that they may connect with a number of friends in the youth program and both kids won't want to hang out at all with the "old" folks. Some of the activites can go into the late evening and occasionally early morning,

 

It is challenging for us guys to shake the desire to hang out with our pals. I have a 9 and an 11 yo and absolutely there are times that I would like to stay late at the bar or casino with DW but we don't. Would not for a moment think about leaving our kids alone in our balcony cabins. The time will come when they are old enough sooner than we really would like but for now the kids are more important.

 

From what it sounds, you may be the one to have the cruise safety discussion with your neice and nephew. They may get it even if dad does not. Good Luck

 

http://luv2cruise.blogspot.com

 

Chipa... Thank you for your kind words! I hope you didn't think that I think ALL men want to do is hang out with their pals!

[PennyAgain]

When we travel as a family mob, we have a set of rules and agreements sset up in advance about who does what, pays for what and organizes activities and gatherings.

 

We have learned through years of experience that anything less can result is serious confusion, hurt feelings and disputes that can last for years.

 

You absolutely cannot depend on the women in the group to be child minders all the time.

 

You must work this out before you leave for your trip.

[luddite]

You have a real problem.

What you don't have is time to teach that guy how to be a parent.

Which is what he needs----parenting lessons.

Good luck to you, you're gonna need it.

[ducklite]

I think a lot of it depends on the kids. Some kids are plenty mature to be left alone in a cabin for a couple hours (even with--horrors!!--a balcony. The balcony would actually be the least of my worries.

 

Best bet is to immediately set expectations--you aren't a babysitter and if he wants someone to watch his kids, you suggest the kids club.

 

I'd also suggest you write a helpful, non-accusatory email that gives hints and tips for a great cruise that addresses concerns for all age groups and send it to everyone. Hopefully he'll read and comprehend that some of it does apply to him and his kids.

[wwcruisers]

OP -- I totally agree with others who have suggested that this is a conversation that needs to take place BEFORE the ship sails. You might go online (or call) to get info on your cruise line's kids/teen club -- so you can talk to "Dad" about signing the kids up for activities onboard. But, you need to make it clear to him that you don't plan to be an impromptu babysitter for him, and that he needs to take responsibility for his kids, during the cruise. :cool:

[mktmzm]

I think a lot of it depends on the kids. Some kids are plenty mature to be left alone in a cabin for a couple hours (even with--horrors!!--a balcony. The balcony would actually be the least of my worries.

 

Best bet is to immediately set expectations--you aren't a babysitter and if he wants someone to watch his kids, you suggest the kids club.

 

I'd also suggest you write a helpful, non-accusatory email that gives hints and tips for a great cruise that addresses concerns for all age groups and send it to everyone. Hopefully he'll read and comprehend that some of it does apply to him and his kids.

 

 

Thanks so much! I am actually in the process of writing that email as we "speak"

[JLC@SD]

I am not taking it as mean. I thank you for your candor. Personally, I agree with you. My DH, of course, does not.

 

We have had that conversation once when we offered them the trip. I will continue to have it as needed and also to have it right before the trip. We are a party of 15 and 5 of them are Adult Women. I am sure those other Women do not want to be parenting his children.

 

Thanks so much! I am actually in the process of writing that email as we "speak"

.......is DH on board with the "email" you are going to send his brother ......;)

[Athankfulheart]

I agree on having a heart to heart and setting the expectations way ahead of time. For what its worth, I have children of those ages and I would completely trust them in a balcony cabin while I was elsewhere on the ship. I guess it depends on the kids. Mine aren't perfect but they have a sense of safety and are well behaved in general. They also get along well with eachother (excepting the minor spats).

 

After you set the expectations with the father, I would take on advising the kids myself, just incase he didnt do it (or is less effective). I think that most kids understand that you want what is best for them and will accept safety related rules willingly.

 

Not related exactly, but we've been planning our next cruise and my 17yo son mentioned to my 6yo ( who has only cruised before he was born ;)) about table manners being very important on a cruise. He informed the 6yo that if he was badly behaved on the ship that he would be thrown off ( as in debarked). The 6yo took this to mean thrown off ( into the sea). Well, I didnt exactly endorse the 17yo but I didnt correct the 6yo either. We'll just see where this gets us and change course if necessary :D

[cello56]

Make sure your Brother In Law has his OWN credit card attached to his sea pass account! I doubt you are planning to pay for his alcohol consumption on the cruise!

[johneeo]

 

Not related exactly, but we've been planning our next cruise and my 17yo son mentioned to my 6yo ( who has only cruised before he was born ;)) about table manners being very important on a cruise. He informed the 6yo that if he was badly behaved on the ship that he would be thrown off ( as in debarked). The 6yo took this to mean thrown off ( into the sea).

 

Hmmmm ...... this might be worth considering for some. I kinda like it.

[Essiesmom]

You might check on the family board here at CC, under Special Interest Cruises. Folks there have a 'contract' for teens/tweens that spells out the expectations for their behavior on the cruise. Sending the dad a copy of this with the suggestion/expectation that he discuss it with his kids...Might get him thinking about his responsibilities. EM

[dsrdsrdsr]

It might help if you give us some idea of what behavioural problems these children have. Tantrums? Swearing? Self-Harm? For you to be as worried as you are, clearly they aren't just normal kids who are getting by quite nicely thank you. What's up with them?

 

Certainly if you have to be worried about a 12 year old on a balcony, there is something seriously wrong with the child.

[celle]

dsrdsrdsr wrote:

 

"It might help if you give us some idea of what behavioural problems these children have. Tantrums? Swearing? Self-Harm? For you to be as worried as you are, clearly they aren't just normal kids who are getting by quite nicely thank you. What's up with them?

 

Certainly if you have to be worried about a 12 year old on a balcony, there is something seriously wrong with the child."

 

(Sorry, dsdsrdsr, I don't know how to multiple quote from 3 posts!)

 

 

This is what the OP wrote:

 

I have a question that may seem odd, but... I have a newly Single Dad bringing his 12 and 14 year olds (Girl and Boy) in our party and I need some help. He isn't the most clued in Dad and often treats his kids like adults. Can anyone advise me on helping him understand Cruise Ship Etiquette and Safety for Children? How would you all recommend that I guide him on stranger danger, running through the halls, cutting in line, etc..

 

He also has a habit of leaving his children with the Mom's while he goes off to the bar or other events with the other men. How do I indicate to him that this is not acceptable?

 

Also, he seems to think it is ok to leave the kids in the cabin (with a balcony) by themselves for a couple of hours in the late evening while he has a few drinks with they guys. This HORRIFIES ME. He seems to think that since he does it at home sometimes, that is ok on cruise ship?

 

Am I just being overly protective or can some of you offer suggestions about how to approach him with the best practices for child supervision on a cruise ship?

 

It is actually my Brother-in-Law. I love him dearly, but.. he is just CLUELESS with parenting stuff.

 

He will typically spend more time with his Son who is athletic, but he leaves his daughter sitting around with the Mom's who are not on Vacation to babysit.

 

Since the OP says her brother-in-law is recently a newly single Dad, and she is childless herself, I do think she may be just a little over-protective about the children. I certainly didn't read into her query that there was any issue in particular with the children - just that she does not quite agree with her BIL's parenting style. As a newly-single, he's still learning on the job.

 

I don't see a lot wrong with occasionally treating teenagers as adults, either.

 

Perhaps the best approach would be to have a general discussion with everyone who is going cruising, along the lines of safety (never let anyone in your cabin, never go in anyone else's cabin, don't wander around the ship on your own, no climbing or fooling around on the balcony, remember to be polite and others will be polite to you, etc) might work, because those things apply to adults as well as children. The OP could also have a quiet talk with the children, but any attempt to get the BIL to change his parenting style is likely to be resented.

[beachchick]

This is akin to when a father (never heard a mother say this) says he is "babysitting" his children when they are in his care. Excuse me, that's called being a parent.

 

Because he is new to being a single dad, you might have an opportunity to address some of these concerns as part of your discussions about cruising. Something like, "We know this is new to you and want to make things as enjoyable as possible for everyone. Here are some things you need to know." Then talk about the cruise lines requirements for parents to be responsible for their children; that a cruise ship is not fantasy land where every person is an angel; age restrictions (e.g., teen curfew, gym/spa/pool age minimums, adults only areas); expected behavior in various venues. As for his possible expectations that the women in your group should be "minding" his kids: Tell him straight out in no uncertain terms that he is responsible for that. The women are on vacation and are not babysitters for his leisure. Now certainly you and the other women will likely want to spend some time with your niece doing "girl stuff," which will be terrific. You especially may want to schedule a special activity or two with her. If her mom is out of the picture (for whatever reason--I am not prying and do not need details), then she will be in need of a "mom" (or more than one) to help her as she moves into being a young woman. Start now being there for her so that she will be comfortable coming to you later when she faces challenges or for things that might be hard for her to discuss with her dad. (For example, our daughter told me that she "just wanted to die" of embarrassment--no drama or anything--when her dad did the shopping one week and I had included the feminine supplies she needed on the list. This even though they have always been very close and she trusts him with just about anything.)

 

In any case, I think you are right to be concerned because you are treating the three of them. Make your expectations clear in as constructive and loving a way as possible. Do make sure that he understands clearly that his children are not adults, especially in the eyes of the cruise line, which will have no compunction about enforcing its code of conduct. Mind you, I'm not suggesting these are bad kids, not at all. But we all know that even the best kids, especially teens who are stretching their boundaries, can go a bit astray on a cruise ship.

 

Best of luck and I sincerely, truly hope that everything goes well and that he spends plenty of time bonding with his children. If he doesn't, he's not clueless, he is lazy and setting himself and his kids up to problems down the line. He can be both a parent and a friend to his children; it's not necessarily either/or.

 

beachchick