Allure: Confessions of a solo passenger

[hucifer]

I hope there is room for one more follower in here. Enjoying the report.

We'll squeeze you in. Welcome. And thank you!

Sarcasm and innuendo is a very British trait, are you sure you are not from our shores :D

 

Great report, really enjoying it.

Although sarcasm and innuendo are what I do best (more to come, my friend), I am unfortunately very far from your land. Anyway, thanks for reading!

[hucifer]

Really enjoying your report, great to have a thread to read where there are no flamers on board, just people ready to laugh.

Keep up the good work please.[emoji995]

 

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Part of me cringes when I post. Thus the disclaimer at the beginning: if sarcasm ain't your thing, leave immediately. Because this report was written VERY tongue-in-cheek.

 

Thanks for reading! :)

[A&L_Ont]

Yeah, that stuff is awesome. So is Allure.

 

Exactly the reason I’m here. Well and getting to read a great review. :)

[John&LaLa]

Good morning, I kinda thought you'd be on the ship by now, but it had been quite enlightening. My wife is a solo cruiser. She's some where off the coast of Africa headed to the Azores. I think. 😉

 

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[hucifer]

Exactly the reason I’m here. Well and getting to read a great review. :)

Welcome! This trip report will feed your need for sarcasm.

Good morning, I kinda thought you'd be on the ship by now, but it had been quite enlightening. My wife is a solo cruiser. She's some where off the coast of Africa headed to the Azores. I think. 😉

 

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You would think I would be on the ship by now, wouldn't you? Ah, but the Queen of Digression has so much to say.

Wow! She's taking quite a trip! I would love to take a transatlantic cruise one day. Can you imagine the points I would earn? Holy cow.

Anyway, I am getting ready to post the next installment. The one when I actually am on the ship.

[hucifer]

Listen, I just want to thank everyone who is either reading in anonymity or who is reading and replying. Writing is my passion, cruising is my passion, and I love that I am able to share this with folks who appreciate both.

 

Working on the next installment...

[schakfoo]

Good Morning! Also following! Hubby and I taking first RCCL cruise ever on the Allure in 28 days!

 

 

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[hucifer]

Good Morning! Also following! Hubby and I taking first RCCL cruise ever on the Allure in 28 days!

 

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Ooh, you snuck this in before I could post again. Good morning to you as well! I can promise you this about the Allure...you will never be bored. She is a wonder. Welcome to Royal!

[dritan]

After enjoying a few solo trips I'm off on my first solo cruise on the "little" Grandeur, next year. I need time away from kids and hubby just to maintain sanity. As I get older the further I have to go. Is escaping across the Atlantic a bit much😉

 

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[hucifer]

DAY 1, part 1 – HOW TO LOSE A CRAZY, AXE-WIELDING JACK NICHOLSON

 

“Room service? Send up a larger room.”

-- Groucho Marx

 

[sound of fast-forwarding tape]

 

So here we are in the present. That silly night was AGES ago, and I am so much smarter today. Not only did I obtain Gatorade before checking into my hotel room, but I have a fancy new phone with a battery that fits and a back that doesn’t pop off. So I am trainable.

 

I get to the pier at noon. Not my preferred time to arrive, but sleep and Gatorade gulping were a priority this morning. I walk into the building and literally gasp. Listen peeps. I expected to walk on to the ALLURE and gasp. But not the pier. The line for security was…well…breathtaking, apparently. It was so long (how long was it?) that it had two separate entrances. So right away I step into my very own Choose Your Own Adventure book and hope that I made the right choice in security line. Right or left? RIGHT OR LEFT??? Last year, the Independence check-in had a simpler and much less chaotic setup, as I suppose rightfully so since The Beast holds a bazillion more people.

Up close and personal with The Beast

After the mile-long security line, I have more choices to make. Signs everywhere. Admittedly, I am slightly confused about where I am supposed to go. I swear I’m not an idiot, but I got momentarily lost. Fortunately, there are tall, bald muscular men wearing sunglasses and standing with clipboards behind velvet ropes to make sure you are in the right line. So heed my warning, people. Whatever you do...DO NOT GET IN THE WRONG LINE. Unless you want a man named Bubbles to make an example of you in front of a bazillion people. I may be Platinum [patooey!] and have Priority Check-in, but that means squat to Bubbles. “MA’AM. THAT IS NOT YOUR LINE.” The bouncer’s face is suddenly inches from mine. “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OVER THERE. DECK SEVEN CHECK-IN.” Why, thank you, Bubbles. Now the whole ship knows where my cabin is. I was tempted to lean forward and boop Bubbles on the nose, just to lighten him up a little. Maybe even a swat on the rear, followed by “good game.”

 

Once Bubbles unclips the velvet rope and steps aside, everyone on the other side of rope are much nicer. And here is where priority check-in gives you the advantage. Instead of getting into a line with thirty commoners, you get into a line behind twenty-three seasoned veterans. In your FACE, non-priority check-in people. I am six whole people ahead of you. Or seven. Whatever. Math is hard.

 

Then I hand over my credit card and solemnly swear that I am not harboring any viruses that could cause extreme gastrointestinal issues of apocalyptic proportions. Then the nice woman behind the counter politely points me toward the escalators to the ship. And that’s when I realize…I’m almost there. On The Beast. [squeeeee!]

 

Stepping onto the ship was rather anticlimactic. After gonging in and being greeted by many smiling crewmembers, I step onto the Royal Promenade. Hundreds of other curious guests are like me, looking up and around and taking in The Beast’s first interior views. No big wow factor for me here because a Promenade is a Promenade. But my priority right now is food, not exploring. And, crowds be damned, I will be eating at the Windjammer. It’s my first-meal tradition and I don’t care how long I have to wait.

 

As fellow Cruise Critic members, ya’ll are in the know like me. You do your research months in advance and leave little to surprise. So yes, I read about the horrendous Windjammer lines. And yes, I read about the delicious roast beast sandwiches at Park Café. And you know what? I didn’t care. Windjammer is my jam. So I drag my not-yet-thighs-of-steel up to theWindjammer deck (10 decks up since they don’t have a thirteenth deck). As I sputterand gasp for breath at the top of the stairs, I am now living the infamous Allure double Windjammer line that I read so much about. But I care not, for I have a tradition to uphold.

 

I have to say, unlike the security line at the port, this line moves much faster than I expected. When I approach the host and tell him a party of one, he leads me to the high tables at the back of the restaurant. You know, the ones that look like a bar with a row of high chairs? At first I am bummed that I don’t get a real table. But then when I realize that I had a great view of not only Fort Lauderdale, but of everyone else in front of me, I must admit that I really like the spot. It grew on me. And it would be my go-to table every time I went to the Windjammer. Especially because it is always available, no matter how crowded the restaurant is.

 

This is the worst Windjammer day. Not only because it is one of the busiest, but because many of us have our carry-ons with us as we wander around the food stations. I have my oversized bag draped over a shoulder as I skirt and duck and bump into people. I didn’t have to duck and bump far that day, though, because the Asian Offerings section filled up my plate with all kinds of Indian fare.

Behold the plate that made me cry

I bring my plate of offerings to the bar-table, sit down,and just stare at everything going on: people buzzing around, getting food, saving tables, looking around, eating and talking. This is when the waterworks start. I can be rather emotional at times. And here I sit, on one of the largest cruise ships in the world, with a huge plate of deliciousness in front of me, anticipating the week ahead of me, and feeling overwhelmingly blessed to be able to be here. So instead of eating, I cry silently as I thank God for my blessings.

 

Once the tears were wiped away and I was able to contain myself (what is this salty discharge?), I finally start eating my plate of offerings. Everything on that plate is excellent. It is a fabulous way to start the vacation, and I was very happy that I stuck with my first-day tradition. Especially considering that the food in the Windjammer would be touch-and-go all week.

 

Despite the repetitive pleas from the loudspeaker to leave the Windjammer when you have finished your meal, I park my rear on that stool for a long time. Not because I think their rules don’t apply to me. It is because no one else was eating at the bar. I’m not taking up any valuable real estate. So I just sit and breathe it all in. Happily.

 

By the time my emotional state is back under control and I am ready to peel myself off the seat, the loudspeaker informs us that our rooms are ready. If I remember correctly, I believe Bubbles politely informed me and the 6,000 other passengers that I am on the SEVENTH DECK. Since it is a forward cabin and all the restaurants are aft, that means having to walk a half mile to the other end of The Beast.

 

I am a double loser. Not only am I Platinum [patooey!], but I have an interior cabin [patooey!]. No fancy-pants balconies or ocean views or anything nice for me. I don’t even have a virtual balcony. Call me steerage. There’s the engine deck, then the crew deck, and then me. I have had balconies before, so I know exactly what I’m missing: the sea, natural light, and neighbor’s smoke. I’m not going to pretend that I prefer interiors and that, financial status aside, I would choose them over balconies. Nope. I am poor and pick my cabins purely on price. Cruises are selected solely on cost. I don’t care about itinerary. Just throw me on a ship.

 

Who knew that there are interior hallways away from the mainport and starboard stateroom halls? Yeah, yeah, you can all put your hands down. Obviously I didn’t. This Beast is so big (how big is it?) that she has hallways inside of hallways. Like our own private maze that only we steerage have to wander through to find our cabins. They are the INTERIOR-interior (“interior2”)cabins – the worst of the worst, the bottom of the bottom cabins – because they are deep inside the bowels of the deck. It would probably take about twenty minutes to find my way back to civilization. If I am in my room and the ship hits a tropical island because Captain Stubing wants to make good time to Puerto Vallarta, I am pretty much going down with the ship. There is no making it out of this interior2 cabin in time.

 

I am walking ahead of a woman who is having trouble locating her intestinal cabin too, calling out to someone neither one of us can see. “Nigel, I’m over here! I think I found our room!” So it wasn’t just me, people. When I turn around to comment on the hallway confusion, she is gone. Poof. If a crazy, axe-wielding Jack Nicholson was chasing me through this maze of hallways, it would be super easy to lose him. And since neither of us could see Nigel, I wonder if he made it out alive.

 

By the time I find my cabin, I practically fall from exhaustion and weep with relief. I resemble a female Rip Van Winkle, as my chin hair is now down to my belly after the eventual escape from the black hole of hallways. Luggage isn’t here yet, but I do unpack my oversized carry-on so, you know, I could get a jump start on my unpacking. Now I only had 98.7% left to unpack, give or take. Math is hard. There is a bottle of Brut waiting for me, compliments of my travel agent, along with two champagne glasses (one for me, the other one for me). That damn bottle would sit in my fridge all week, waiting for a reason to get cracked open, but was ignored and subsequently forgotten about. My cabin steward Julio finds me and introduces himself and asks if I need a razor. This guy has a big smile. Every time I saw him all week, he had a huge grin for me. Either he is a super friendly guy, or he knows something evil about me. You decide. I’m going with friendly guy, though.

My interior2 cabin. Accommodations for the cheap.

 

UP NEXT:

DAY 1, part 2: THE SOCIAL REJECT

[hucifer]

After enjoying a few solo trips I'm off on my first solo cruise on the "little" Grandeur, next year. I need time away from kids and hubby just to maintain sanity. As I get older the further I have to go. Is escaping across the Atlantic a bit much😉

 

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Heck no! Think of how relaxed you would be by the time you got back home. Your husband will be BEGGING you to take more extended trips.

 

I've done Disney World alone, but much prefer cruising as my solo vacation of choice.

[123funcruiser]

 

Behold the plate that made me cry

 

Is that a pepper grinder on the top of the pic?:eek::eek:

[hucifer]

Is that a pepper grinder on the top of the pic?:eek::eek:

No, those were banished from all dining rooms. Nowadays, you have to bring your own.

[LuCruise]

Thanks for the report. We were on Allure April 2016 and loved it! The 7th deck is perfect location. And nothing wrong with an interior. We were in Promenade..has a window but still an interior. We didn't spend much time in the stateroom as we were too busy with everything else.

Looking forward to hearing more. Sweet how you became emotional.

 

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[dadofjessie]

Wonderful reviews. Keep them coming.

[kpark895]

Joining this merry band! Although my very first cruise next year will be with my daughter, after that I imagine I will be going solo from then on. Looking forward to reading more!

[Virtopia]

Love this review from a fellow solo female cruiser - I'l be heading out on another solo cruise in about 12 days! I've had good and bad comments, don't understand why people are so surprised that sometimes, we just enjoy our own company.

 

I went on Allure in 2012 and absolutely loved it. I'm sure you had an amazing time!

[hucifer]

Thanks for the report. We were on Allure April 2016 and loved it! The 7th deck is perfect location. And nothing wrong with an interior. We were in Promenade..has a window but still an interior. We didn't spend much time in the stateroom as we were too busy with everything else.

Looking forward to hearing more. Sweet how you became emotional.

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I must admit that the 7th deck was a good deck to be on. I just prefer aft cabins, since that's where I tend to spend all my time...eating. I didn't spend much time in mine, either.

 

Wonderful reviews. Keep them coming.

Thank you! Will do.

Joining this merry band! Although my very first cruise next year will be with my daughter, after that I imagine I will be going solo from then on. Looking forward to reading more!

Welcome to the party! You're going to love cruising. And solo cruises are the BEST.

[hucifer]

Love this review from a fellow solo female cruiser - I'l be heading out on another solo cruise in about 12 days! I've had good and bad comments, don't understand why people are so surprised that sometimes, we just enjoy our own company.

 

I went on Allure in 2012 and absolutely loved it. I'm sure you had an amazing time!

Oh hey, Virtopia. I've read a couple of your reports (I'm mostly a lurker). You are braver than me, as you have been to Europe alone. I so admire that. Isn't solo travel so empowering? I love it. Where is your next cruise? On which ship? Oh wait, I see you are on the Adventure.

[one9marine]

I applaud your sense of humor. I like a little sass. An unknown fact about me is i was voted class clown back in the day (and i mean back, waaay back). That being said we (DW and BFF's) will be on "The Beast" for our 4th time at Easter week . We usually book deck 8 as we like to use CP to transition from bow to stern. :D

[Ocean Dancer]

 

I've done Disney World alone, but much prefer cruising as my solo vacation of choice.

Woah, Hey Stop the train!!

 

Are you telling us that you left that adorable little boy home alone as you gallivanted solo with Mickey? I hope you have the curse of NEVER GETTING IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD out of your head. I mean what kind of mother are you? Explain that one!!:cool:

 

PS all in sarcastic fun:confused:

[harryfat1]

Hi,

 

It's been awhile since we last talked. Hope all is well.

 

Great to see you are starting a new trip report on the Allure as that's probably our family's favorite cruise. I see you already have a long line of adoring fans and it's still day 1 of the trip report while you are on post #70. This looks like an epic trip report in the making.

 

Just like holiday parties, it's much more relaxing to be a guest than a host(ess) as I can just plop down on the sofa and read the trip report without the pressure of trying to sound witty and mingle with the guests. I will just keep reminding you that you are low on chips and dips and drinks...

 

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.”

– Oscar Wilde

 

 

So that begs the question - what is the highest form of wit? The answer is probably irrelevant for me as if I had to ask what it is, that means I am likely too dumb to utilize it even if it was explained to me in crayons and paper.

 

At any rate, looking forward to the rest of the trip report and taking notes on the side for any good photo ops or trip report writing ideas that I can steal and call it my own for my cruise next month...;p

 

Harry

[hucifer]

I applaud your sense of humor. I like a little sass. An unknown fact about me is i was voted class clown back in the day (and i mean back, waaay back). That being said we (DW and BFF's) will be on "The Beast" for our 4th time at Easter week . We usually book deck 8 as we like to use CP to transition from bow to stern. :D

Hope you like a LOT of sass, cuz that's what I'm bringing.

FOURTH TIME ON THE BEAST? Holy cowbell. I did use deck 8 for walking across her a lot. Oh man, did I fall in LOVE with Central Park. Like, unnaturally so. Other than a ocean balcony, this would be the perfect spot for a balcony cabin.

Woah, Hey Stop the train!!

 

Are you telling us that you left that adorable little boy home alone as you gallivanted solo with Mickey? I hope you have the curse of NEVER GETTING IT'S A SMALL SMALL WORLD out of your head. I mean what kind of mother are you? Explain that one!!:cool:

 

PS all in sarcastic fun:confused:

Uhhh...

 

[tries to quickly come up with reasonable excuse]

 

I did feel a LITTLE bad about leaving the peanut behind, but honestly, he was only two. We took him when he was seven. It is funny that you curse me with the Small World theme song, as I have worked it into this trip report later on.

 

I wrote a trip report about that solo trip to Disney World, if you care to read that one too. It is LONG, though.

[hucifer]

Hi,

 

It's been awhile since we last talked. Hope all is well.

 

Great to see you are starting a new trip report on the Allure as that's probably our family's favorite cruise. I see you already have a long line of adoring fans and it's still day 1 of the trip report while you are on post #70. This looks like an epic trip report in the making.

 

Just like holiday parties, it's much more relaxing to be a guest than a host(ess) as I can just plop down on the sofa and read the trip report without the pressure of trying to sound witty and mingle with the guests. I will just keep reminding you that you are low on chips and dips and drinks...

 

 

 

So that begs the question - what is the highest form of wit? The answer is probably irrelevant for me as if I had to ask what it is, that means I am likely too dumb to utilize it even if it was explained to me in crayons and paper.

 

At any rate, looking forward to the rest of the trip report and taking notes on the side for any good photo ops or trip report writing ideas that I can steal and call it my own for my cruise next month...;p

 

Harry

HARRY!

 

OMG OMG

 

[jumps up and down]

 

I am SO EXCITED that you're here. Welcome to my humble report.

 

[bows respectfully]

 

You said it. It's a lot of work keeping up with replies and posting and finding pics and keeping the dip stocked and the glasses filled. It's exhausting! But as long as my guests are enjoying themselves while I work my butt off, that's all that matters.

 

Oh, I thought of you throughout my cruise. I would pass by the umbrella stand and think, "Harry took a pic of that." Or I would see one of those Small Wonders stands and think, "Harry took a pic of that too." You and your family were on my mind from time to time. I don't take NEARLY the amount of photos that you guys did, so you'll have to use your imagination most of the time. Damn kids have so much screen time, they never get to use their imaginations nowadays...

 

But I digress.

 

The highest form of wit is unknown to me as well. All I know is that my humor is as low-brow as they come.

 

Seriously. Super happy you're here, Harry.

[josprince]

More please.