Need Convincing

[ScottC4746]

I need convincing. We love cruising together, but it is difficult for us to travel together because of DH’s father who we cannot leave alone for lengthy periods. He must stop by daily to feed the dogs and cat and set up dinner for his father, otherwise these things will not happen. Sometimes we must fly him to his other son’s house out of state while we travel together, but that is difficult with the grandkids school schedule. I have been given the blessing by DH to do a solo cruise if I want.  The nice thing is we live in a port city, Los Angeles where I have San Pedro right near by as well as San Diego or San Francisco. 

Here is my issue:

We have been together since 1994 and I find it difficult to travel solo. I also suffer from SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder). This means everything I do I feel awkward and out of place. When we do cruise together, we usually get a two top in the main dining room to accommodate me because the thought of being thrown onto an 8 or 10 top with strangers feeling like I am being judged is not vacation to me, nor is sitting at a two top by myself in the main dining room. While I would miss the main dining room service, I would more than likely do the buffet for all my meals. I did a solo cruise RCCL in 1994 before my SAD got so bad, but I do remember the ships photographer. It was like pulling hen’s teeth to get my photo taken. There are some upsides to solo cruising I guess is you do what you want on your schedule. The downside is I think of cruises as romantic and long walks on the promenade just is not romantic.

Someone convince me please but do share all pros and cons of solo cruising.

Edited February 8, 2022 by ScottC4746

[bhsolo]

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and could use some time away. You most certainly can eat in the MDR, either regular or my time dining with RCL. Just tell them you want a table by yourself and they will give you a two-top. Wherever I eat, I usually bring a book or journal with me to "keep me company". That may also help some of your SAD because you will have a different type of companion. Last time I brought 5 books with me and finished them all. Sometimes people would ask what I was reading but for the most part people just let you be how you want. Much less than if you were at an event or such where you are almost forced to make small talk. I would look for a cruise where the towns and/or excursions excite you.

 

Pros: You do what you want, when you want, how you want. Feel like going to the show or eating early - go for it. Want to hold up in your cabin and order room service on the balcony - yours for the taking. Want to do an excursion or cruise talk or walk around town to that random store you read about your DH normally wouldn't want to - now is your chance. Want to just sit by the pool and become a prune because you are never leaving the hot tub - that works too. Want to listen to podcasts all day or go to the gym super early or late and then walk along the promenade - have at it. 

 

Cons: You have to ask someone else to spray sunscreen on your back (which every person I have ever asked, I usually go for moms, is more than happy to help with). If you get up to go to the restroom or pool, you'll want to finish your drink/food or get a new one once you return (good thing about cruising is there is always plenty of food and drinks/water bottles are easy). Not going to lie, sometimes it can get lonely/wonder what you are missing out on when you see big groups. 

 

I realize it is scary, there are always a bit of nerves for me including excursions, but then when you get through it you have an incredible feeling of strength and power. That's what you hold on to, that you've done it before and you can do it again. 

[ScottC4746]

1 hour ago, bhsolo said:

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and could use some time away. You most certainly can eat in the MDR, either regular or my time dining with RCL. Just tell them you want a table by yourself and they will give you a two-top. Wherever I eat, I usually bring a book or journal with me to "keep me company". That may also help some of your SAD because you will have a different type of companion. Last time I brought 5 books with me and finished them all. Sometimes people would ask what I was reading but for the most part people just let you be how you want. Much less than if you were at an event or such where you are almost forced to make small talk. I would look for a cruise where the towns and/or excursions excite you.

 

Pros: You do what you want, when you want, how you want. Feel like going to the show or eating early - go for it. Want to hold up in your cabin and order room service on the balcony - yours for the taking. Want to do an excursion or cruise talk or walk around town to that random store you read about your DH normally wouldn't want to - now is your chance. Want to just sit by the pool and become a prune because you are never leaving the hot tub - that works too. Want to listen to podcasts all day or go to the gym super early or late and then walk along the promenade - have at it. 

 

Cons: You have to ask someone else to spray sunscreen on your back (which every person I have ever asked, I usually go for moms, is more than happy to help with). If you get up to go to the restroom or pool, you'll want to finish your drink/food or get a new one once you return (good thing about cruising is there is always plenty of food and drinks/water bottles are easy). Not going to lie, sometimes it can get lonely/wonder what you are missing out on when you see big groups. 

 

I realize it is scary, there are always a bit of nerves for me including excursions, but then when you get through it you have an incredible feeling of strength and power. That's what you hold on to, that you've done it before and you can do it again. 

All good points.  I did forget I am 57 this year.

[Lois R]

Hi,🙂 I have always sailed solo so for me there are not issues.  I have been on my own for almost 40 years now so it is just part of who I am.  I started cruising solo in 2003 so almost 20 years. I have learned many things......(if this helps you) most people don't really care if you travel solo and they are so busy doing "their own thing" they don't have time to concern themselves with others and I find most folks don't judge. 

 

As for dinner, you can always ask for a 2 top.  I love being served so dining on my own is not a problem.

The wait staff is always accommodating.  Sunscreen? I don't sit in the sun so never need to ask anyone for help LOL......

 

I have never experienced the disorder you are referring to but I can say sailing solo is simply awesome😃. I am not sure it is for us to convince you of doing something if you will be unhappy doing it........but you asked us for advice.

   I am in the "sail solo camp"...........I love having my own space, doing  what I want, when I want.......it is me🙂....when you said there are "some" upsides to solo cruising? There are more than some......it is all upside (for me anyway).  I am an extrovert and it is very easy for me to meet others.......they have all sorts of activities you can participate in......trivia, culinary demos,........it is all good!

 

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

 

[coastcat]

3 hours ago, ScottC4746 said:

I need convincing. We love cruising together, but it is difficult for us to travel together because of DH’s father who we cannot leave alone for lengthy periods. He must stop by daily to feed the dogs and cat and set up dinner for his father, otherwise these things will not happen. Sometimes we must fly him to his other son’s house out of state while we travel together, but that is difficult with the grandkids school schedule. I have been given the blessing by DH to do a solo cruise if I want.  The nice thing is we live in a port city, Los Angeles where I have San Pedro right near by as well as San Diego or San Francisco. 

Here is my issue:

We have been together since 1994 and I find it difficult to travel solo. I also suffer from SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder). This means everything I do I feel awkward and out of place. When we do cruise together, we usually get a two top in the main dining room to accommodate me because the thought of being thrown onto an 8 or 10 top with strangers feeling like I am being judged is not vacation to me, nor is sitting at a two top by myself in the main dining room. While I would miss the main dining room service, I would more than likely do the buffet for all my meals. I did a solo cruise RCCL in 1994 before my SAD got so bad, but I do remember the ships photographer. It was like pulling hen’s teeth to get my photo taken. There are some upsides to solo cruising I guess is you do what you want on your schedule. The downside is I think of cruises as romantic and long walks on the promenade just is not romantic.

Someone convince me please but do share all pros and cons of solo cruising.

Consider Norwegian for your first solo cruise. Each sailing has a daily solo gathering just before dinner, hosted by a dedicated crew member. The solo host will reserve a main dining room table every night, and will also make arrangements for solo outings to evening entertainment. This happens even on the older ships without solo cabins. 

 

I’m pretty reclusive but will join solo events sometimes. Otherwise I’ll happily dine alone at the restaurants, both included and specialty ones. Solo cruisers are common on NCL sailings so there’s no judgment from crew or fellow passengers. I love feeling pampered by the specialty restaurant staff. And the photographers definitely pounce on solos. There’s no escape from them!

 

In the last six months I’ve also gone solo on RC and Princess, and will be back on Princess in a couple weeks (Majestic Princess sailing out of LA, in fact). Neither line offers that level of structure for solos but the crews were wonderfully welcoming. 

[rkacruiser]

bhsolo and Lois R says everything that I could say.  I encourage you to try sailing solo, particularly since your DH seems to be encouraging you to do so.  

[Cruise Kay]

I just went on my first solo cruise at the age of 54 and I was a bit nervous. I mean, I wanted to go and I had a positive outlook, and what I thought was realistic expectations for how I would spend my week. But I was still nervous that I would get on the boat, suddenly feel ridiculous or anxious, and have a miserable time. That was not the case.

 

I think the key is making up your mind ahead of time what kind of experience you plan to have. If you go into it hoping everybody else will make it nice for you, you may be doomed. it’s up you to enjoy all that the experience offers. You have to go into it prepared to eat alone and be fine with that, hang out by the pool for hours at a time if that’s your thing and not have anyone to talk to, sleep alone at night, things like that. 
 

The one thing I could not get past was the idea of spending the night in a hotel room near the port the night before the cruise. I just felt completely uncomfortable with that for whatever reason. So I took a big gamble and made the two hour flight early in the morning the day of the cruise. Everything worked out fine fortunately.
 

The first day or two, I was running around the ship trying to do all the fun activities, and that was a bit of a mistake. I think I was trying desperately to fill my days with activity so I wouldn’t have time to feel lonely or awkward. At some point on day two, I just settled down and relaxed and the rest of the cruise was awesome. I didn’t know how I would use the time… Be active? Explore the ports? Turns out I used that week to completely disconnect. I didn’t watch TV one single day. I stayed off social media. I FaceTimed my husband every evening, and sent texts to the (adult) kids several times a day, which was a lot of fun. They enjoyed seeing my photos, especially of food that I was eating or funny art around the ship. My family was super supportive of my solo cruise and very excited for me, and very engaged in texting with me whenever I wanted to. That helped.   I never felt disconnected from my family, just disconnected from the usual hustle and bustle that make up my normal days. It was also heavenly to spend one week without cooking, cleaning, or shopping. Not making the bed for a week, not having to get in the car and go anywhere, that was all wonderful. Having someone else pick up my towels or make my bed or ask me if I needed anything was amazing.

 

I enjoyed being out by the pool, so I would go to the pool early (9 am) and swim while the pool was nearly empty. It stayed empty till almost noon. I would spend a couple of hours in a pool chair and watch movies on the big screen or watch the ocean drift by. I ate whenever I wanted and left the dining room as soon as I was done eating without having to wait on anyone, or if I wanted to linger by the window over a cup of coffee, I could do that without worrying I was boring anyone. One tip for eating in the common areas like the Buffet… Bring a hat or a sweater or something so you can leave it on the table when you go back for dessert or seconds. Otherwise when you leave the table, everyone will assume it’s empty and you’re not coming back and they will clean it off. Or someone else will sit there. 
 

I went and watched all of the shows offered, but if I felt awkward, uncomfortable, or was bored, I simply got up and left. I did that a few times, and a few times I sat through the whole show and enjoyed it. I did not put pressure on myself to do anything I didn’t really want to do or to have some sort of perfect cruise experience, I went into it with an open mind, not knowing what to expect, and just being kind to myself. One day I didn’t feel especially well and I felt like I needed to spend the day indoors and out of the sun. I played trivia twice, and did a selfie scavenger hunt. These were all activities offered by the ship. I won two gold medals. LOL. 
 

I took a lot of enjoyment going over to the FlowRider for about an hour before dinner each night and watching everybody learn to use it. I also enjoyed watching people learn to use the sky diving machine. One night I noticed on the schedule that there was a speed climbing contest for teens at the rock climbing wall. I went and watched that and it was a lot of fun.  I got up every day and watched the sunrise and also watched  the sunset. I ended up not leaving the ship one single day. I felt safer on the ship and I felt uncomfortable at the thought of leaving the ship and wandering around the ports by myself. I didn’t worry about that, I just rolled with it and stayed on the ship and that was fine. I did not push myself to do something I felt uncomfortable with. All in all, I treated it has a week at a luxury resort to just kick back and relax.  If you are terribly uncertain about the whole experience, I would hold off on doing it, but if you’re torn and part of you really wants to go, I say try it and be kind to yourself. And also just give yourself permission to just enjoy it. Sometimes we feel guilty when we do things like this. 

 

I will also add that when I told everyone I went cruising by myself I got lots of pitying looks, as though everyone was convinced my marriage was falling apart and I just didn’t want to admit it. Or people would seem shocked that I could be that selfish.  You have to ignore things like that. Also, I am not at all a social person and fully intended to spend the week keeping to myself, which I did, and it was just fine. I enjoyed everything the ship had to offer, from great food to live music to people watching. I don’t drink either, so when I was ready to go to bed, I would stroll around the promenade a few times to catch a little bit of the live music, or maybe watch a little karaoke, and then I would head to bed. I was in bed by 10 PM every night with my door locked, reading a book, and I felt perfectly safe.

 

Good luck!

Edited March 26, 2022 by Cruise Kay

[Ilovesailaway]

Didn't read through everyone's ans so not sure if I'm adding much but I will share my experience.

I love cruising. DW likes cruising. I have more time to cruise than she does. All my cruises were with DW or a friend till my first solo 2 months ago.

It was awesome. I too was concerned about dinning alone but I honestly have never received better service. I also really enjoyed being able to do whatever whenever around the ship. In the words of the Rush song Limelight "I can't pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend" I did enjoy meeting ppl but I mostly enjoyed my me time.

I have also learned about myself that as a solo I didn't use the balcony. Guess my next solo I will book an interior and save money.

[hallux]

On 3/27/2022 at 2:24 PM, Ilovesailaway said:

I have also learned about myself that as a solo I didn't use the balcony. Guess my next solo I will book an interior and save money

I'm quite the opposite - I think I spent a little time each day on my balcony on my last 2 cruises. I will say, though, if you choose the right ship you may never miss having a balcony as there are just so many other places on the ship to enjoy.

 

For the OP - I haven't been diagnosed with SAD (this actually means something different in my region - Seasonal Affective Disorder, it sets in during the winter but I'll go with your meaning to keep it clear for you) as I've never been to someone about it.  I'm not an overly social person during my every-day life.  Get me on a cruise ship (or even in the process of getting on one it turns out), though, and I end up able to strike up conversations with almost anyone.

 

Was I nervous when I went on my first solo cruise?  Absolutely!  I went with NCL, which has the solo gatherings (AND solo cabins!), and had a good time right from day 1.  I had a friend call me 'brave' for going on my most recent cruise solo.  As much fun as I had on my last cruise with the ladies I'll call my "cruise girlfriends", and I'm a guy, and as much as I would LOVE to have someone to share cruising with, I will not hesitate to book another solo cruise.