Questions for solo cruisers

[RD64]

I enjoy travelling as a solo and being seated as a solo when I wish - or at a shared table - when I wish. One absolutely horrendous shared table for eight - two couples travelling independently spoke to nobody - not even their partners, another couple - extr3mely elderly - husband slept while the wife ate. Luckily there was another solo traveller who was very social, because it was the most painful dinner ever. 
 

I much prefer my own company to self-inflicted pain of non-social table companions.

[Haljo1935]

Welcome to HAL @JesterWA 

@kazu answered your questions well, so I won't duplicate. Just add that the time it takes to get through dinner can really drag if the other people at your table don't continuously progress through their courses. Nobody receives the next course until all are finished with the previous one, so if a table mate likes to linger over a course, so shall you also linger. 🙄And if someone wants to hold onto their salad, for example, to eat with their main but doesn't let the server know, everyone's going to be watching that salad wilt while dreaming of their mains. Or if someone orders multiple starters, everyone waits until they're done.🤔

But dinner at a shared table can still be enjoyable. I know you'll find what works for you.🤗

[RuthC]

2 hours ago, kazu said:

I think this is a Pinnacle Class ship issue.  @cruising sister

and I were on 2 different ones and she and I are not the only ones to experience it from feedback I received.

I think it at least also, possibly more likely, has to do with who is in charge of the specialty restaurant at the time. There are some people who run a tight ship, pay a lot of attention to what is going on, and step in when standards are not being met. And then, there are a few who don't. 

[3rdGenCunarder]

I like to do fixed dining, because I get to know my table mates. Open dining means introductions every night. In all my cruises, I remember only two unpleasant companions, and many more very pleasant ones.

 

On my cruise this past winter, we were seven people at a table for 8. One couple didn't show up every night. The rest of us sat with our menus for a few extra minutes and then decided we should order. If the others arrived late, their meal would catch up to ours. The waiters are good about making things come out right. 

 

 

[3rdGenCunarder]

3 minutes ago, RuthC said:

I think it at least also, possibly more likely, has to do with who is in charge of the specialty restaurant at the time. There are some people who run a tight ship, pay a lot of attention to what is going on, and step in when standards are not being met. And then, there are a few who don't. 

 

I agree that standards come from the top. I have been in well run Pinnacle restaurants and one that was run very poorly. It was on one of the Vistas maybe 8-9 years ago. Breakfast was a shambles, with incomplete orders most mornings. One morning, my main never arrived. At another table, a man had to wait until his pancakes were absolutely cold before he got any syrup. It got so bad that DH and I had breakfast in the MDR one morning and THAT got the manager's attention. I got a phone call later that day apologizing and asking us to please give them another try. When we went back the morning after that, the manager sent a waitress over to apologize for any problems that had occurred. She had never been our waitress and should not have been sent over to talk to us. That's the manager's job. 

[Loreto]

15 hours ago, JesterWA said:

I'm new to this forum, but wanted to jump in as it was losing my husband that led to my first cruise! My husband died under very sudden and difficult circumstances, at only 34 years old, and there was a lot of family and legal stuff to deal with. Around six months after his passing I was completely burnt out and felt like I was drowning under grief and all that other "stuff" I felt completely ill-equipped to deal with. I wanted to get away from all that and give myself some space to actually deal with my feelings. My husband and I had always done a lot of independent travel, so I'm quite confident with that style, but I wanted a setting where all I had to focus on was me. I saw an excellent last minute deal to Alaska and jumped on it. One of the best decisions I made during that time.

 

Sometimes it was really hard, I would be on deck looking at the most incredible scenery and feeling happy again, then sometimes it would hit me that he should be here experiencing it too. And how can the world be so beautiful and so damn unfair at the same time. Being on a cruise gave me an easy space to have those feelings – I had a clean, quiet cabin with a lovely view that I could just be alone in and think, cry, sleep, read, whatever I needed. And even better, I didn't have to make these decisions in advance - emotions and energy levels can be so up and down in the early days, and I was glad that I wasn't locked in to a travel style that might not always suit where I was at on any particular day. I had some days where I joined activities and walked the promenade and made small talk at afternoon tea, and some days where I just sat on my balcony and cried. 

 

I also found cruising perfect for “little victories” in adjusting to life on my own. Little things like going to the cafe and sitting in to have my coffee, which I would never have done solo previously. On the cruise, all I had to do was push myself to order and sit and enjoy the coffee, and within minutes I could be back in my cabin congratulating myself and recovering from the effort!

 

I did a mix of ship excursions, private excursions, and just walking around port. I enjoyed all of these, and had different but positive social interactions with all. One of my favourites was hiring a private driver who I ended up getting along really well with. After the tour, we picked up her dogs and took them to the pub for a cuddle and a drink. It was a highlight of my trip! I’m reasonably confident in my ability to manage things solo and I have done more independent activities on subsequent cruises, but I did appreciate the ease of an excursion (ship or private) where I was met at the port for that first solo cruise.

 

The recurring thing here – making things easy! Just focusing on my feelings and looking after myself was what I needed, and the cruise was a perfect environment for that. It gets said a lot that your loved one would want you to keep living life to the fullest. I know this is well-intentioned, but I must admit I found it really grating in the first few months. However, there is some truth to it and for myself, there is also a feeling that I am lucky to still be here when he is not, and I shouldn’t waste that.

 

So the tldr here - I think a cruise is the perfect balance between getting out there and looking after yourself after such a devastating loss. There is no single "right time" to do something like this but I would certainly add to others' comments that it is a worthwhile thing to do.

 

And now for my solo cruise question - I will be on my first cruise with HAL next year. I have never shared a table at dinner before, partly because I have a small appetite and some food quirks, but I'm thinking of pushing myself this time! I assume that when sharing a table, orders are taken once everyone is seated and most people order three courses? If I'm trying to time dinner around a performance, how long should I allow for a shared dinner? I'm typically in and out in 45 minutes on my own but certainly don't expect that with a group! Thanks. 

 

Edit - I'm on any time dining, so I assume asking for a shared table would just be luck of the draw for how many people and how long it takes to fill the table? Would I be left waiting for ages to order if nobody else wanted to share?!

Hi JesterWA,

Your comments are appreciated.  You have approached your situation with courage. I realized I recognized your CC name...you are on my Zaandam solar eclipse cruise next March...should be a great cruise! 

 

At Open Seating tables should fill up  quickly.  Tell the host at the podium that you would like to be seated with others.

 

I have been reading this thread because I booked the 42 day Atlantic Adventurer cruise in 2024 as a solo..DH did not want to go.  I have traveled a lot by myself, but never a cruise...now I have a lot to consider.  I asked my TA to request a table for 6 early seating and hope this was the right choice.  If not I will talk to the maitre'd and switch to open seating.  I am not going to spend 42 days dining with an uncomfortable situation.

 

Thank you again for your post.

Karen

[shippmates]

Loreto,  I am also sailing on the 42 day Atlantic Adventurer as a solo.  This will be my 4th solo sailing buy by far the longest.  I have always requested fixed early dining due to some dietary issues.  I am hoping Holland does a good job with matching table mates.  I am usually but with a table of mostly solo cruisers about the same age.  I have always been happy with them and have enjoyed dinner every night.

[Loreto]

9 minutes ago, shippmates said:

Loreto,  I am also sailing on the 42 day Atlantic Adventurer as a solo.  This will be my 4th solo sailing buy by far the longest.  I have always requested fixed early dining due to some dietary issues.  I am hoping Holland does a good job with matching table mates.  I am usually but with a table of mostly solo cruisers about the same age.  I have always been happy with them and have enjoyed dinner every night.

Hi shippmates,

I see that you are on our roll call🙂!  Thanks for the information.  How did you get to have a table with other solo cruises?  This will be my 14th trip to Europe and my 3rd as a solo (land tour). the last was to Israel and Jordan. Nice to not have to fly internationally this time.  I think I will go in 2 days early and use the HAL hotel/transfer in Ft. Lauderdale.  With DH we have always stayed at Spring Hill Suites in Dania Beach and used their paid transportation to the pier.

Karen

[shippmates]

Loreto That was on the Queen Mary 2.  Have not sailed solo on Holland America.  If you are traveling with friends or other singles, you can cross reference the bookings and you will be seated at the same dining table.   I am sorry about the loss of your husband and I know what you are adjusting to as I lost my husband of 50 years in 2021 very suddenly.  I  am on the Rotterdam in October and wondering how they do with solo cruisers.

[Loreto]

39 minutes ago, shippmates said:

Loreto That was on the Queen Mary 2.  Have not sailed solo on Holland America.  If you are traveling with friends or other singles, you can cross reference the bookings and you will be seated at the same dining table.   I am sorry about the loss of your husband and I know what you are adjusting to as I lost my husband of 50 years in 2021 very suddenly.  I  am on the Rotterdam in October and wondering how they do with solo cruisers.

Hi shippmates,

DH is alive and well🙂but didn't want to do this cruise.  We have 2 cruise upcoming, but he didn't  want the airport hassle (and Ft Lauderdale is notoriously awful) so I decided to go solo.  I am sorry for your loss after 50 years...ours will be 54 this year, for which I am grateful..

Thanks for the information...I  will see what HAL does.  I am very familiar with the Volendam.  and am 5* so I may have some pull, but it looks like there will be a lot of High Star Mariners on this itinerary.

Karen

[shippmates]

Loreto,  I am so sorry I have been reading so many responses that I got you confused with JesterWA.  Congratulations on your 54 years.  

 

JesterWA I am sorry for the loss of your husband.  Hope you enjoy your cruise.

[3rdGenCunarder]

2 hours ago, shippmates said:

Loreto That was on the Queen Mary 2.  Have not sailed solo on Holland America.  If you are traveling with friends or other singles, you can cross reference the bookings and you will be seated at the same dining table.   I am sorry about the loss of your husband and I know what you are adjusting to as I lost my husband of 50 years in 2021 very suddenly.  I  am on the Rotterdam in October and wondering how they do with solo cruisers.

 

@shippmates, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband five years ago tomorrow after 46 years of marriage. We all know it gets better, but it never gets completely okay. 

 

Cunard does a good job of arranging tables for solos. Twice, I've been at a table with other solos. Once there were four of us. Last time, it was 8. I don't know how HAL organizes tables, but I've always been lucky with table mates. Last time I was with two couples who loved theater and art museums. HAL couldn't possibly have known that when they seated us together, but it worked out beautifully. 

 

@Loreto, go into the fixed dining with an open mind. If nothing else, a shared enjoyment of cruising is a good start for conversations.

[slidergirl]

I was ignored at Tamarind on my Eurodam cruise the first week of May.  I took the later seating.  Took a few minutes for someone to come and greet me at the desk.  I was seated at one of the 2tops in the center of the room - no biggie since all the booths were taken.  BUT then all the servers and such just kept walking past me.  It wasn't busy, so no reason for it. This went on for quite awhile - I want to say 15, but I can't remember.  Finally, someone who looked like a manager asked me if I was asked for a drink choice and I replied that no one had stopped by yet for anything.  She apologized and walked away.  A couple minutes one of the servers finally came over and started the process.  Once she did, everything went smoothly and as it should.   When one couple seated at the window left, the server asked if I'd like to go over to that table so I could finish and watch the sunset.  I guess that was their way of apologizing for the initial ignoring.  

[Loreto]

17 hours ago, 3rdGenCunarder said:

 

@shippmates, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband five years ago tomorrow after 46 years of marriage. We all know it gets better, but it never gets completely okay. 

 

Cunard does a good job of arranging tables for solos. Twice, I've been at a table with other solos. Once there were four of us. Last time, it was 8. I don't know how HAL organizes tables, but I've always been lucky with table mates. Last time I was with two couples who loved theater and art museums. HAL couldn't possibly have known that when they seated us together, but it worked out beautifully. 

 

@Loreto, go into the fixed dining with an open mind. If nothing else, a shared enjoyment of cruising is a good start for conversations.

3rd GenCunarder,

Thanks for the encouraging words!  As a career substitute teacher I have no trouble meeting different people every day.

Karen

[3rdGenCunarder]

42 minutes ago, Loreto said:

3rd GenCunarder,

Thanks for the encouraging words!  As a career substitute teacher I have no trouble meeting different people every day.

Karen

 

I hadn't thought about it, but you do see new faces every day that way. I subbed for two years while I was going for my masters, and then I was glad to go back to regular teaching where I had my "usual suspects" every day. 

 

[JesterWA]

Thanks for the kind thoughts, and putting my mind at ease about dining. I think I will aim for a combo of solo dinners and shared tables, based on how leisurely I fancy my meal!

[vswan]

Hi all, original poster here. I am so honored that this thread seems to be helpful to so many.

 

An update. I leave tomorrow for Seattle with my 14 yr old grandson where we board an NCL ship for my first semi-solo cruise. Traveling with a 14 yr old I felt that was a good option. My last 2 Alaska were on HAL and I feel very comfortable with HAL, but not so sure about a teenager, so opted for NCL. When my daughter realized I was taking her son, she said she had a bunch of vacation too and would love to go, so we are scheduled on a each intensive cruise for just the two of us for November.

 

My moms SO passed less than a month after my DH, and she has many friends who winter in Florida, so I'm going to be looking at my actually solo entrance sometime in January. Figure I will deliver her to visit her friends and hop on a ship. Maybe even a B2B. I was looking at the 35 day south pacific, but figured I better try something a little shorter prior to see how I do.

 

Much paperwork and estate mess still going on, but it's time for me to get out of here. I'm all packed and all planning/paperwork complete. Thank you all for your support

[canadianbear]

@vswan

Thanks for the update.  So good to hear of your upcoming cruises!   
 

If you were thinking of the 35 day SP in February 2024, we are on that and there’s a lot of singles signed up.  Over 200 on the roll call too and most are pretty friendly & helpful!

[kazu]

41 minutes ago, vswan said:

Hi all, original poster here. I am so honored that this thread seems to be helpful to so many.

 

An update. I leave tomorrow for Seattle with my 14 yr old grandson where we board an NCL ship for my first semi-solo cruise. Traveling with a 14 yr old I felt that was a good option. My last 2 Alaska were on HAL and I feel very comfortable with HAL, but not so sure about a teenager, so opted for NCL. When my daughter realized I was taking her son, she said she had a bunch of vacation too and would love to go, so we are scheduled on a each intensive cruise for just the two of us for November.

 

My moms SO passed less than a month after my DH, and she has many friends who winter in Florida, so I'm going to be looking at my actually solo entrance sometime in January. Figure I will deliver her to visit her friends and hop on a ship. Maybe even a B2B. I was looking at the 35 day south pacific, but figured I better try something a little shorter prior to see how I do.

 

Much paperwork and estate mess still going on, but it's time for me to get out of here. I'm all packed and all planning/paperwork complete. Thank you all for your support

 

So glad you have family to go with you.  

You need a break for the paper and the grief and while there will be times of sadness I hope you have a good time.  

[3rdGenCunarder]

@vswan, you have a VERY lucky grandson! I bet your daughter has reminded him to make sure you have a good time and to be ready to give you therapeutic hugs. 

 

Yes, the paperwork drags on. Some of it is ridiculous. One insurance company asked me to fax an original death certificate. I wanted to ask them if they knew that what comes out of a fax machine is NOT an original. But you reach a point where it's just kind of "yeah, whatever" and you let it go.

[vswan]

1 minute ago, 3rdGenCunarder said:

you have a VERY lucky grandson! I bet your daughter has reminded him to make sure you have a good time and to be ready to give you therapeutic hugs. 

The good thing is he's very strong and can help with the bags.... We have always been close and I only have 2 grandchildren - the other is only 2 yrs old, and I am not crazy enough to take him on my own. At 14 he is the perfect age, and I've had "the talk" about what he better not do, etc.

 

At first the paperwork was two steps forward and three steps back. I'm down to one step forward and one step back. Progress. I'll get there.

[JesterWA]

Have a wonderful time vswan! 

 

The paperwork really is a nightmare. I spent nearly a year going in circles with the phone company, who insisted only the account holder could make changes to the account no matter how many times I explained (and in the bluntest of terms!) that he had passed away! It's frustrating but you will get there. Good luck 🙂

[kazu]

1 hour ago, JesterWA said:

Have a wonderful time vswan! 

 

The paperwork really is a nightmare. I spent nearly a year going in circles with the phone company, who insisted only the account holder could make changes to the account no matter how many times I explained (and in the bluntest of terms!) that he had passed away! It's frustrating but you will get there. Good luck 🙂

 

I hear you.  I had huge fights with DD DH’s cell phone company.  finally, I jut said fine - you charge it to MY credit card so I will dispute every single charge and suggested they get a supervisor NOW.

It worked.  I was lucky that DD DH had an unlisted phone number when we met (he was a physician) and I had to have one listed so we kept my phone number and my power, etc.  It was easier.  And I did the travel planning so the travel credit card was in my name first (thank God).

[3rdGenCunarder]

8 minutes ago, kazu said:

 

I hear you.  I had huge fights with DD DH’s cell phone company.  finally, I jut said fine - you charge it to MY credit card so I will dispute every single charge and suggested they get a supervisor NOW.

It worked.  I was lucky that DD DH had an unlisted phone number when we met (he was a physician) and I had to have one listed so we kept my phone number and my power, etc.  It was easier.  And I did the travel planning so the travel credit card was in my name first (thank God).

 

My fight was with the cable company (comcast/xfinity). Even though I showed up with all the paperwork (death certificate, etc), the idiot could not figure it out and I ended up with two accounts, both active. I went to a different location where the employees had a clue and finally got it sorted out. 

 

We each were primary on a different credit card, and secondary on each other's card, so in case of something bad, the survivor would be covered. I forgot that one card was in DH's name and used it at a gas station. Uh oh! Had I just done something illegal?? I called the credit card company and the nice woman said "It's okay, it's only the one charge. Just pay it off, and when it has a zero balance, call back and we can cancel it." 

 

Oh, the things you don't think of until you're in the middle of the paper storm!

[JesterWA]

It amazed me how many "service" companies (phone, credit card, electricity etc) struggled to deal with the situation. It can't be that unusual!