Worst cruise excursion ideas

[Balliett]

We've been on some good ones, and some bad ones. Regarding the bad ones, cheer up. Things could get worse. In that vein, I request your suggestions for really bad cruise excersions. Cruise execs are listening! For example, from Asian ports,

 

"Visit large poultry farm and join in chicken plucking experience."

[AAAAmerican]

Being on your worst cruise does also mean whats the reason it is the worst.

 

If it is so awful AWFUL then fly home or to the nearest departure point..the next Port of Call for the Ship you were on.. or completely take another Vacation now on land....:rolleyes:

[kryos]

Well, along the lines of a really bad excursion ... in Raiatea, French Polynesia ... I think it was called Raiatea - The Sacred Island. Problem was that the tour took place in open air buses in a region known for its incredible humidity.

 

We were in Raiatea on a Sunday and the buses they used for the tour were the exact same ones used to take the island's children to and from school every day. Well, these buses have benches running the length of the inside ... no padding ... which is fine for the short ride to school, but agony for a long ride around the island. Children also don't take up as much room as adults, and what might not normally be crammed for them was absolute torture for us. We filled four or five of these buses from the ship ... and every one was packed. In fact, on some of them people had no choice but to sit on the middle bench ... which offers no support whatsoever for your back. Of course, people didn't want to sit there, so everyone crammed in on the benches that let you lean against the inside of the bus.

 

Also, because the bus was "open air" and the windows were open, every now and then you would get smacked across the face by tree branches and leaves that were too close to the side of the road.

 

This whole excursion was a joke ... and it would have probably been funny if we hadn't paid $79 for it. By the time we were dropped back off at the ship everyone was sore and disgusted, and there were a lot of complaints at the shore excursion desk that evening.

 

As for the tour itself ... it was so/so. We visited a marae, or sacred open-air temple, as well as some other sites. But the problem was that on the way to the marae, which was a good hour or so ride in this open air bus ... the woman who was supposed to be leading the tour had something to do at the marae that morning, so she sent her young son to escort the group on the bus I was on. Her poor son was only maybe 14 or 15, and did not have a very good command of the English language. He also spoke very softly, and of course these open air buses did not have a sound system of any type ... so we pretty much rode in silence all the way to the marae ... with the exception of someone groaning every couple of minutes when the bus would hit a bump. After our visit to the marae, however, momma did accompany our bus back and I must say she was very articulate and kept us pretty well entertained and informed.

 

I would not have minded this tour as much if we had gotten a bit more for our money. This was only a half-day tour, and for $79, I think we should have gotten a bit more than a bottle of water and a bumpy ride.

 

This was without a doubt the worst cruise ship tour I have yet been on ... simply due to its lack of comfort.

 

Blue skies ...

 

--rita

[Vic The Parrot]

I hate thier golf and tennis programs ..... it's not fun swimming to shore on a sea day if your tee time is right after breakfast.

[Steamboatin]

For us it was the damn little ill mannered non English speaking youth ages 4 to 7 that got aboard the Carnival Destiny with us in San Juan, Puerto Rico with their could care less parents. It was a 7 day Southern Caribbean cruise. This cruise was a week before Thanksgiving.

 

Besides the normal problems a 100 plus non English speaking youth ages 4 to 7 can bring upon the cruise there were several major problems in addition to the parents caring less how their children acted.

 

1. Youth constantly going up to food bar and grabbing handfuls of food out of food bowls. Than they proceeded to their tables dropping the food from their hands along the way. No they did not use plates or bowls. Just carried a handful of food to the table one trip at a time. This drove the crew and passengers crazy over the health issues. The crew was extremely mad with them for 2 major reasons. One they had to constantly remove those bowls of food and replace it with a new bowl of food only to have it pounced upon a few minutes later by another youth grabbing a handful out of the new bowl of food. Second the crew was constantly cleaning up the food that dropped on the floor. This went on for 7 days. Security tried to control the situation but after a while even they gave up attempting to control it. The crew were extremely mad over the conditions they were forced to work under.

 

2. At the ice carving event several youth were putting their hands within 2 to 3 inches of the carver's knife sharp cutting edge in an attempt to catch the chipped ice. The carver stopped carving and complained to the MC. The MC asked the children to leave the area and for the parents to please take control of their children. Nothing happened. Security just kept leaning against a near by post watching everything. Finally carver out of safety reasons gave up and quit carving.

 

3. The parents partied all night loudly talking and singing while running up and down the halls or in one of their interior cabins. After a while even Security gave up attempting to control them.

 

An the list could go on.

 

Fortunately on the port tours the parents could not afford them and thus we and the other passengers were free from those damn kids for a few hours at a time.

[Krazy Kruizers]

Bicardi Rum factory in San Juan. When you get there they give you this box where you press numbers and listen to a tape explaining everything as you walk through various display rooms. At the end you are taken to "bar" where the bartender goes over several kinds of rum and various drinks. You never get to see the distillary or anything else.

[shonuf]

We've been on some good ones, and some bad ones. Regarding the bad ones, cheer up. Things could get worse. In that vein, I request your suggestions for really bad cruise excersions. Cruise execs are listening! For example, from Asian ports,

 

"Visit large poultry farm and join in chicken plucking experience."

 

The worst excursion we've actually taken was in '05 in Jamaica where we went "River tubing". The brochure indicated you had a guide, were given an innertube and a paddle and a flowing river. In reality, you got an innertube, were tied together with about a dozen other suckers and the guide who had the only paddle. The water level in the river was seriously low and had no flow for about 99% of the trip. There were times when our bottoms scraped the river bottom and that the guide had to "pole" his way through using the oar. The trip took about an hour longer than it should have and the guide was woefully uneducated about the flora and fauna along the banks. Then on the way back, the bus driver wanted to stop at his "cousin's" store so we could shop. Enough of us protested, loudly, that he did take us directly back to the ship.

 

It sure sounded better in the brochure.

[cruzin girl]

Shonuf do you remember what river it was or who the excursion was with. We

went last Sept. and went tubing down the White river in Jamaica and it was awesome. Your experience did not sound so fun.

[lougee1043]

visitling the town of hell and the turtle farm

[shonuf]

Shonuf do you remember what river it was or who the excursion was with. We

went last Sept. and went tubing down the White river in Jamaica and it was awesome. Your experience did not sound so fun.

 

I don't remember the name of the company but they also did the zip-line tours and it was booked through Celebrity. I remember we had to drive through an orange grove to get to the launch site.

 

You're right, it wasn't fun and we decided if we were ever on another ship that stopped in Jamaica, we'd just stay on board. This wasn't our only bad experience in Jamaica, just the straw that broke the camel's back.

[Jana]

Mine was "Wine and Sausages by the Lake" in Puerto Montt, Chile.

 

All of us pictured an idyllic setting in this Bavarian-inspired region. What we got was a trip to an abattoir (slaughterhouse) where we were herded into a tiny theatre and forced to watch a video of how the family that runs it had immigrated from Germany and had brought themselves up from humble beginnings... it was pathetically narrated by some adenoidal dude with a Bronx accent.

 

Then it was back on the buses and off to the lake. We were taken to an abandoned restaurant in a country club, where three tables were set up for wine pouring and there was a long table down the middle set with... slices of baloney and some dry bread. There were 23 chairs for about 70 people, and about 23 slices of baloney, too.

 

It would have been laughable except that Puerto Montt is fabulous and there are so many wonderful excursions. Going to a slaughterhouse before being served with baloney isn't exactly my idea of a great time.

[Thunderbolt]

Any tour with a school bus should be avoided unless no leg room is welcome.:mad:

Never had a bad excursion (even with school busses) but while at Chitzen Itza, Mexico the Coca Cola delivery truck (Pickup truck painted with Coca Cola logo on red) had a guard with a sawed off shot gun.:eek: Our tour bus did NOT have such a guard which got me thinking… did we need one?:confused:

[tomc]

In what I take to be the spirit of Balliet's post...

 

1) Luxury bus tour through the poverty-stricken parts of Haiti so we can see how truly fortunate we are. Pennies provided to throw out the windows.

 

2) All-day glacier experience on the Mendenhall; arrive at 7:00am with a box lunch, get picked up at 5:00pm. Find ways to amuse yourself between those times.

 

3) "Forest Experience" in rickety buses of uncertain age, driven by teenagers drinking the local hootch, over bridges whose load limit (when they were safe) was less than what we are in.

 

4) "Catch 'n Cook" nature walk. You are guided by smiling natives who use blow darts to shoot down tree-dwelling snakes which they skin and cook right before your eyes to a golden brown and garnish with local herbs.

[the2ofus]

Afternoon See and Sea tour in St. Maarten when ther were 6 cruise ships in port. We had to walk about 5 blocks to get on large tour buses. Our driver must have been called upon at the last minute because he did not seem very pleased to be driving this bus, nor very skilled. By the time the tour started it was raining. We had no guide with us to narrate what we were seeing outside the rain-spattered windows. The driver answered questions with one or two words. Did not act proud of SM or pleased that he had a bus-ful of folks who wanted to learn.

 

When we got to the semi-sub part of the tour he just said to get out, walk over there and he'd wait. Fortunately the sub tour was narrated and interesting. The it was on to Marigot, again in silence. At Marigot we were told to be back at the bus in 45 min. No info as to where there might be restrooms though we'd been riding for well over an hour.

 

Back again on the bus, no smile or greeting from our driver. No commentary although the sun had come out and the views were lovely. We were caught in a traffic jam and began to fear we'd miss the last tender. Finally made it back through traffic and some kind of children's festival near the drop-off spot. We sprinted back the five blocks and just made the second-last tender.

 

We complained, in writing, at the shore ex. desk about the poor value for the money and asked for a 50% refund since the semi-sub part was okay. Shore-ex mgr. was too busy to meet with us anytime on the remainder of the trip. After returning home, I wrote twice to HAL. They were very clear, concise letters explaining why we thought we deserved a 50% refund. Never heard from HAL except a form letter that they had received our letters.

 

Our next trip to St. Maarten, I researched and found an excellent private tour. HAL's loss!

[the2ofus]

Tomc, I like your take on the OP's intent.

 

My vote would be the HMC Tender Alternative Tour in which you can choose to swim and race the tenders to shore. If you can beat the tenders, you get a ticket that entitles you to be first in line for the lunch buffet, (when the meat and dessert selections are best). This tour is listed as heart healthy in the brochure and qualifies for points in the fitness program.

[Georgia]

Going to the luau experience sponsored by the cruise line in Hawaii. The food was atrocious and the entertainment merely OK. Too many people and too far from the stage.

 

Georgia

[AAAAmerican]

visitling the town of hell and the turtle farm

 

 

How many people can say they went to Hell and back?:D

 

Did you send your postcards from Hell, GC too?:p

[Jana]

I get it!

 

"La Quebrada Adventure Tour"

 

This is your opportunity to join the ranks of the famous Acapulco Cliff Divers who must time their dives precisely to when the tides are in, filling the pools at the bottom.

 

After a brief introduction to the tide patterns, you will be ushered to a changing room to don your Speedo. Your guide will then lead you to the cliff-top where you will attempt your first 200-foot dive into the shallow waters of this protected cove. Your guide will encourage you, and is also responsible for notifying your family members after your dive.

 

*Night diving available after completing the first dive during the day.

**Not recommended for those with mobility difficulties.

***Fully-paid life insurance premiums recommended.

[Balliett]

tomc wins two tickets to The Colbert Report, a tv show in NYC

[mama d]

Jamaica Ganja Field Tour

 

Take a tour through the lush Ganja fields of Jamaica. Listen to the strains of Bob Marley on your fully guided tour of Jamaica's number one illegal crop. Free samples and complimentary Red Stripe to follow tour.

 

Reality sets in as after your free sample and your Red Stripe arrives, complete with handcuffs and night stick, to escort you to jail.

 

 

*cruise line not resposible for illegal behavoir

** not recommended for children

 

 

I had to mention these as they really do occur (though not through cruise lines) we satyed in Jamaica for a week and everytime we turned around someone was offering us a tour of the Ganja fields. Do I need to say we Never took one? No we never did.

 

Smooth sailing

[Pudgesmom]

Cruise Line Meet and Greet:

 

Stop in a port with at least 5 other large cruise ships. Stand in a line along the dock with all other passengers and shake hands with all passengers from other ships.

 

Cost: Carnival $39

RCCL $49

HAL $59

Crystal $69

 

(Note: Passengers not completing Meet and Greet before sailing time should sue their cruise line.)

[tomc]

tomc wins two tickets to The Colbert Report, a tv show in NYC.

As a part-time comedy writer, I've already pitched an idea to him. Waiting to see if it's anything he wants to use.

[Bookish Angel]

"Guess the Humidity!"

 

You plod through an slow early-morning walk down crowded streets full of unmitigated junk, stopping only to wipe your sweat-soaked forehead with an overpriced beach towel that was formerly used to strain cheese. The passenger who comes closest to guessing the correct humidity wins a personal mister.

[tomc]

Taxi Roulette: Ten cabs are lined up on the dock. Nine of them will get you back to the ship on time; the tenth will be five miles away when the ship's whistle sounds for departure. You don't know which one that will be. Enjoy your adventure-filled return to the ship!

[babyher]

The snorkleing excursion in Roatan, Honduras.

 

You get in a little van right off the dock. You go through these trecherous mountain roads through the most heart breaking poverty. It was a gray, rainy lousy day. Which I know is no ones fault, but it didn't help any :)

 

It had rained like hell the night before so all these dirt roads were flooded , but this guy still drove on through like a madman

 

No real sights on the way just winding steep trecherous roads through jungle with the occasional shack here and there.

 

I felt like I was in that little truck full of nitro glycerin in the old movie "The Wages of Fear" *LOL*

 

We get to the place where we meet the boat to take us snorkleing. It was a motel witha dock. This place made the Bates Motel look like the Waldorf. Dirty abandoned looking. All these scrawny looking dogs and cats and chickens milling about.

 

Like i said the day was very gray and cloudy and rainy so the actual snorkleing was pretty lousy . Again that couldn't be helped, but at least a nice day and decent underwater visibility would have made the rest of the day a little more bearable