Hiding my shopping from the Hubby!

[momofmeg]

Wow, sorry to hear you're put through this.

 

I've never experienced anything like this and I've never hid a purchase. I know what's in the budget and what's not. If I do want something that's very, very pricey, I'll ask DH his thoughts, and it's usually, "if you want it, buy it" but he'd never ask, "Do you really need that?". If he did, I'd just say "Yes" and end the discussion with that.

 

 

Amen Jane! this is a silly thread to me- and by the way gals I 'm a homemaker-so I do not contribute to the income of my family income but my husband has never begrudged me anything!

[brandylaw]

Unless you have been in my shoes, you would not understand.

 

Missy

 

Exactly my point....WTG Missy :)

[AuntieBon]

I tend to leave the boxes new shoes come in at the store as it's easier to get them in the house when they're on your feet :p That being said I am single and have no one to answer to but myself but it's just easier not to see my dad shaking his head that I have yet another pair of shoes :eek: This is a man that has work sneakers, Weekend sneakers and one pair of dress shoes. He just doesn't get it :rolleyes:

 

One problem with leaving things in the trunk is when something happens to your car (mine was "lost" in the system for 2 weeks after being towed by the Staties) and you slowly remember what was in there :eek:

[AZPam]

I really feel the only reason a husband would object to his wife's purchases-is if she has their finances threatened by having bulit up a huge credit card debt or soemthing like that.

QUOTE]

Sorry, but I totally disagree with this statement. We have no debt, we are in great financial shape and I work full time too. Actually, I even make more money than my DH, but I am sure that's another discussion.

 

I guess my point in this post was simply there are some men out there that just don't get it. Doesn't matter if you need it, want it or otherwise. They will simply shake their head and not understand the pleasure some of us receive from our shopping. In my case, I just don't want to go thru the whole discussion of "did you need that" again! Maybe not, but I am sure there are plenty of husbands who really don't "need" another round of golf, tickets to the sports events or whatever. They get pleasure out of those things just like I get pleasure out of shopping.

 

I am totally jealous of those of you who have husbands who will shop with you! I am lucky if I can get mine into the mall once a year and then it's totally to get in to get what you need and get out. Where is the fun in that?Actually, I guess I am glad he doesn't want to go with me. He would just be rushing me anyway!

 

I am a bit disappointed in some of the responses that seem so judgemental. But there you go. Everyone is entitled to their own ideas. I am glad that I am not the only one who hides their shopping though!

 

Happy Easter Everyone!

[momofmeg]

I really feel the only reason a husband would object to his wife's purchases-is if she has their finances threatened by having bulit up a huge credit card debt or soemthing like that.

QUOTE]

Sorry, but I totally disagree with this statement. We have no debt, we are in great financial shape and I work full time too. Actually, I even make more money than my DH, but I am sure that's another discussion.

 

I guess my point in this post was simply there are some men out there that just don't get it. Doesn't matter if you need it, want it or otherwise. They will simply shake their head and not understand the pleasure some of us receive from our shopping. In my case, I just don't want to go thru the whole discussion of "did you need that" again! Maybe not, but I am sure there are plenty of husbands who really don't "need" another round of golf, tickets to the sports events or whatever. They get pleasure out of those things just like I get pleasure out of shopping.

 

I am totally jealous of those of you who have husbands who will shop with you! I am lucky if I can get mine into the mall once a year and then it's totally to get in to get what you need and get out. Where is the fun in that?Actually, I guess I am glad he doesn't want to go with me. He would just be rushing me anyway!

 

I am a bit disappointed in some of the responses that seem so judgemental. But there you go. Everyone is entitled to their own ideas. I am glad that I am not the only one who hides their shopping though!

 

Happy Easter Everyone!

 

then all I can say is WHY are you still with him?

[love2vacation]

Interesting topic. I never really "hide" purchases from my husband.

 

I just had to laugh when I read these posts though. I have two formal gowns (with tags on) hanging in my closet purchased for last two cruises- I found something I liked better and there the the others sit. :confused: I told him after we got back from the last cruise that I had these two dresses left from past cruises, and I wouldn't need to buy any new formals for our next cruise! He just laughed and said "right........."! I LOVE sales, he knows this, and I have a major shoe addiction and he doesn't seem to mind.

 

But I have to say when we are traveling he encourages me to buy something if I like it. I am pretty frugal in some respects.. so sometimes I pass up on some things and regret it later. I have some why didn't I buy it regrets from the the last cruise. (earrings to match a opal and blue topaz necklace purchased in St. John, and gauzy dress in San Juan) He told me to buy them, but I did not so now I regret it!

 

So I guess we will have to go back so I can get them, right???:D

[Eqty]

 

then all I can say is WHY are you still with him?

/

 

Wow, that's harsh.

[Suede]

 

then all I can say is WHY are you still with him?

 

momofmeg, are you saying she should divorce her husband over this???

 

Get real!

[brandylaw]

 

Get real!

 

 

Really, I agree...some people have no clue....and dont even try. :confused:

 

I would feel sorry for em, cept that they are so holier than thou. ;)

[pioneers]

They don't understand and never will! I remember four years ago, I bought a pair of shoes. I loved them until I wore them for work and thought I was going to lose my feet. I went and bought another pair and put these in my jacket's pocket. I just didn't want to hear the " but didn't you try them before you bought them." They felt fine in the store:D:D. Two years later we are cleaning out the closet and what shows up but a jacket with shoes.

[AuntieBon]

Not sure how what should have been a fun subject/discussion turned into a referendum on the OP marraige?

 

She isn't hiding the bills or that her husband would be unhappy just that he simply doesn't understand.

 

Give the OP a break :rolleyes:

[momofmeg]

Interesting topic. I never really "hide" purchases from my husband.

 

I just had to laugh when I read these posts though. I have two formal gowns (with tags on) hanging in my closet purchased for last two cruises- I found something I liked better and there the the others sit. :confused: I told him after we got back from the last cruise that I had these two dresses left from past cruises, and I wouldn't need to buy any new formals for our next cruise! He just laughed and said "right........."! I LOVE sales, he knows this, and I have a major shoe addiction and he doesn't seem to mind.

 

But I have to say when we are traveling he encourages me to buy something if I like it. I am pretty frugal in some respects.. so sometimes I pass up on some things and regret it later. I have some why didn't I buy it regrets from the the last cruise. (earrings to match a opal and blue topaz necklace purchased in St. John, and gauzy dress in San Juan) He told me to buy them, but I did not so now I regret it!

 

So I guess we will have to go back so I can get them, right???:D

 

I have been guilty of that also. but everything I bought were "deals" and it was like I could not pass the stuff up. Last year I had bought a cute "little black Dress" that I intended to wear the second formal night-well I found something I liked better and I only paid $35 for this gown which had been almost $200!

 

Caviergal suggested I wear the LBD to the supperclub/specialty restuarant so I did! I ended up taking all 3 of the outfits I had bought. Hubby loved me in the LBD and wouldn't you know as that was the last night of the cruise- no photographers were out taking photos.

 

So I took this dress and wore it again on our Feb. cruise! Now we have a photo with me wearing the dress!

[momofmeg]

 

momofmeg, are you saying she should divorce her husband over this???

 

Get real!

 

If he is that controlling- yes! that is one of the main signs of an abuser-the next thing he will be doing is beating her to a pulp.

 

I hope she-AT LEAST-watches out-to see if he becomes more aggressive and if he does-LEAVE FAST!

[momofmeg]

Really, I agree...some people have no clue....and dont even try. :confused:

 

I would feel sorry for em, cept that they are so holier than thou. ;)

 

by the way-I DO HAVE A CLUE-my sister was married to such a jerk-and even after they divorced-he still tried his best to control her-(he did not suceed though!)-not only would he not allow her to spend money- when they were married-(he was very well off)-but he also would not allow her to drive further then 20 miles from their home-and she could not drive at night as "there were too many drunks on the road" and I could go on and on. He beat up on her for "disobeying" more then once.

 

He left her for another woman-the best thing that could have happened to her in my mind!

 

My father was also abusive-and tried to control what my mother spent-although she too also always worked so to have her "own" money.

 

These two men are the biggest reason I was 28 before I married. Hey I tried to back out of my marriage too- but hubby would not let go-thank goodness!

 

I am so glad I did not make my sister's mistake and marry a man like our father. My husband is nothing like he was!

[Scrumpy]

I guess my point in this post was simply there are some men out there that just don't get it. ...In my case, I just don't want to go thru the whole discussion of "did you need that" again! Maybe not, but I am sure there are plenty of husbands who really don't "need" another round of golf, tickets to the sports events or whatever. They get pleasure out of those things just like I get pleasure out of shopping.

 

I am totally jealous of those of you who have husbands who will shop with you! I am lucky if I can get mine into the mall once a year and then it's totally to get in to get what you need and get out. Where is the fun in that?Actually, I guess I am glad he doesn't want to go with me. He would just be rushing me anyway!

 

I am a bit disappointed in some of the responses that seem so judgemental. But there you go...

 

Yes, some folks are quick to jump on others. I know exactly what you mean even if I don't necessarily experience it myself - or at least not in the same way; DH is less tolerant of (certain) things I buy for HIM than things I buy for myself, for example. Of course, I can't hide them - they're for him, LOL! And, he gets over it.

 

You're right; there are plenty of husbands who are very indulgent with their (sometimes expensive) hobbies, and plenty of wives who aren't pleased with that - often the husband doesn't care much what their wife says about it, or at least don't care enough to change their behavior. We have a situation that would drive some wives crazy; DH runs marathons (for fun). That means that we've had many vacations built around a specific race. I don't mind; I knew who I was marrying. I put up with training when he's home, training on vacation and until recently, we had late dinner nearly every night to accomodate his runs. Once in a blue moon, I want him to miss a run and, if I say something, it is rare that he doesn't give up that one run because I asked him. I'm very lucky. I know "sports widows", "hunting widows", "golf widows" etc. whose husbands wouldn't miss a game, the first day of hunting season, or a day on the golf course if their wives asked. (If I was married to one of them, I'd probably be shopping out of spite - or loneliness)!

 

While we were shopping the other night, I said, "I wish my mom was here" and DH (wistfully) said, "So do I", LOL! DH is not a clothes shopper and only goes with me when I ask or if he happens to be in the car already. But, he often does the grocery shopping alone. He's a lot faster than I am!

 

Really, a lot of men don't "get it", especially with shoes (DH laughs at all the shoes I have - most of which I have worn only once or never at all and some of which are long out of fashion). If you want to hide it, hide it. As long as you have a good relationship with your husband, I wouldn't worry too much what other people think. We all have different marriages and what works for one wouldn't work for another. I'd imagine that there is occasionally a little deception over one issue or another in even the most open, communicative marriages. I lie about how much I sleep - or how much I don't sleep. DH lies about eating junk food! If people share everything 24/7/365, that's great if it works for them. I think sharing 99% (98,97, etc. YMMV) is usually enough; that's especially true if the missing 1% (or whatever) would only cause non-productive stress. We all probably know our spouses pretty well and they know us, too. It's likely we don't have as many secrets as we think we do, LOL!

[Scrumpy]

 

If he is that controlling- yes! that is one of the main signs of an abuser-the next thing he will be doing is beating her to a pulp.

 

I hope she-AT LEAST-watches out-to see if he becomes more aggressive and if he does-LEAVE FAST!

 

The OP has been married 23 years and is merely avoiding the head-shaking and questions her DH asks about her purchases. It sounds like the worst that happens is some time-consuming (and unnecessary) discussion of "want" vs "need". That's a far cry from being beaten to a pulp.

[Suede]

by the way-I DO HAVE A CLUE-my sister was married to such a jerk-and even after they divorced-he still tried his best to control her-(he did not suceed though!)-not only would he not allow her to spend money- when they were married-(he was very well off)-but he also would not allow her to drive further then 20 miles from their home-and she could not drive at night as "there were too many drunks on the road" and I could go on and on. He beat up on her for "disobeying" more then once.

 

He left her for another woman-the best thing that could have happened to her in my mind!

 

My father was also abusive-and tried to control what my mother spent-although she too also always worked so to have her "own" money.

 

These two men are the biggest reason I was 28 before I married. Hey I tried to back out of my marriage too- but hubby would not let go-thank goodness!

 

I am so glad I did not make my sister's mistake and marry a man like our father. My husband is nothing like he was!

 

I believe you take after your father--before passing out advice to AZPam, you need to take care of your own "issues".

[gjules]

:confused: WOW...this thread has gone crazy! I took it for the tongue in cheek way that I believe it was originally intended...how did it go so far as to suggest abuse??

Just for the record, my husband and I have been married almost 24 years, I knew him 8 years before that, he has never been abusive or controlling!! I simply don't think he needs to know about everything I buy, because as others have said...he just wouldn't GET it. Why DO I need 10 pairs of black shoes??? He'd never tell me not to buy another pair, he just wouldn't understand WHY I need another pair of black shoes! Hiding or simply not sharing information is so much easier than trying to explain it!

I do have a job and contribute to the family finances, but even when I was staying at home when the kids were little, and we didn't have any money, my husband NEVER told me I couldn't buy something. He buys his stuff, I buy mine, we're both happy...

Some people are so judgemental...GEESH...I thought it was all meant in fun! :rolleyes:

[love2vacation]

:confused: WOW...this thread has gone crazy! I took it for the tongue in cheek way that I believe it was originally intended...how did it go so far as to suggest abuse??

He buys his stuff, I buy mine, we're both happy...

Some people are so judgemental...GEESH...I thought it was all meant in fun! :rolleyes:

 

Right on!!! This works for us too!

 

Most men would not understand why we need 10 pairs of black shoes/slides/sandals in various heel heights. Mine doesn't....... he just shakes his head when he looks in my closet. When we redid our closet I whittled down my shoe collection and now have around 90 pairs....... DH was not surprised at the number, and I hate to say this but I have just bought 2 more pairs since then.

 

Every relationship works in different ways. You gotta do what works for you, even though others might not understand it.

 

Happy shopping to all. :D

 

Anyone else have any fun fettishes- clothing related?

[BlueHerons]

My husband and I keep our finances totally separate except for some joint investments and our mortgage. We have separate checking, IRAs, 401Ks, savings, etc.

 

My money is my money and his is his so we don't care what the other buys.

[Jane110]

:confused: WOW...this thread has gone crazy! I took it for the tongue in cheek way that I believe it was originally intended...how did it go so far as to suggest abuse??

 

I agree with you that suggesting abuse is taking this to an extreme that I'm sure doesn't exist and I never got the impression that the OP's husband is a violent abuser.

 

Additionally, I also can understand your feelings about not every single little item you buy needs to be reported to your husband.

 

OTOH, having to hide things in the dryer or in the trunk of the car or having someone else bring things in to the house "when the coast is clear" does indicate living with someone who's overbearing. That's a far cry from "tongue in cheek". Kind of reminds of a person who say's to their overweight spouse, "why are you eating that?" and in doing so creates a "closet eater". In this case, it's a closet shopper. The OP has lived this way for 20+ years so the DH is not about to be changed. They're not in debt so I guess it's healthier to be a closet shopper than a closet eater.

[AZPam]

 

then all I can say is WHY are you still with him?

 

 

Gee, cause I love him? He's a great husband, father, provider? Did I ever say he was controlling? About the only thing he is controlling about is the TV remote! Guess your husband must be perfect in every way, so I am happy for you.

 

Yes, this was a tongue in cheek type of post and I guess there are just some out there who don't get it - kind of like my husband! :)

[esther e]

Let me brag a little about my Mr. Wonderful of almost 48 years. He has never asked "why" or "do you need it", etc. Today we went to the mall and had lunch and I told him I'd meet him in 1-1 1/2 hours. If I'm going to run late, I'll call him on my cell. When I met him, I had my usual 2 Dillards bags, and he said, "Honey, let me carry them for you." Never asked what was in or looked in. He's a gem and I'm going to keep him!!! :) I know I'm lucky and wish everyone could be as fortunate as I am. (Heck, he's pretty lucky to have me, too!!!!!) :D

 

Esther

[Buster27]

Good grief !!!!! What an over reaction ! Where do you ladies find all these "perfect" men? And I don't think the OP asked anyone's opinion on joint/separate checking accounts !!!

 

I don't need to hide any purchases, but I certainly understand what the original poster was saying.

 

And how in the world anyone could stand to shop with their husband is beyond me !!! Mine would be bored beyond tears shopping with me. And he would drive me crazy with his impatience...I can just see him waiting outside the fitting room that I just entered with 5 pairs of jeans and 7 tops !!!! And if I bothered to show him each one, he would nod and say it looks great...lets go !! And I won't even begin to mention the shoe department !!!!

[love2vacation]

Let me brag a little about my Mr. Wonderful of almost 48 years. He has never asked "why" or "do you need it", etc. Today we went to the mall and had lunch and I told him I'd meet him in 1-1 1/2 hours. If I'm going to run late, I'll call him on my cell. When I met him, I had my usual 2 Dillards bags, and he said, "Honey, let me carry them for you." Never asked what was in or looked in. He's a gem and I'm going to keep him!!! :) I know I'm lucky and wish everyone could be as fortunate as I am. (Heck, he's pretty lucky to have me, too!!!!!) :D

 

Esther

 

Esther- Congrats on such a fine guy.

Mine doesn't shop with me- except when on vacation, but he doesn't question why I buy things either. We are lucky!

(I also love Dillards.)

 

Buster27- you got that right, mine is not a patient shopper, either. We would never shop togther for clothes, shoes, etc. Heck, he doesn't even go with me to look at furniture or carpet. I bring home samples and then he just tells me to pick what I want.