The Dream? Or the Nightmare? (or why I may give up cruising?)

[rebeljohn]

Nice review!!! You have given the wife and I a good laugh this Christmas morning. As we await our Majesty cruise this Saturday, we hope there are no barges in our way............

[zachnlucy]

One more -- the easy button, absolutely hysterical!

 

Well, actually, seven of them acted in perfect unison. The eighth soldier could not get his bayonet out of the sheath. As discretely as possible, he yanked and tugged at the thing as the face of the Sergeant became redder and redder. Under that dreadful glare, he abandoned all efforts at subtlety, and grabbed at the sheath with both hands and tried by pure force of effort to pry the weapon from its holder.

 

I saw the Sergeant’s jaw drop and the look of startled panic on the Private’s face as the forgotten rifle slowly fell to the Rotunda’s hard marble floor.

 

I guess, up to that point, I never guessed that the rifles were actually loaded…having thought that they were basically, oh, I don’t know…empty? I think that during the few seconds it took for the carbine to fall to the floor, the young Private knew that life, as he had known it, was forever gone. I suspect that he knew, even in that brief moment, that his next assignment would probably be guarding the unmanned weather station on the windswept Isla del Diablo.

 

If I had had an Easy Button, I would have gladly given it to him.

[scopewest]

Thanks for a fabulous review. I also thought uh-oh, here comes a litany of complaints and what I got was a load of laughs!! Loved it.

[Kathie44]

Thanks to nps001 for posting a link to this on the Celebrity board, otherwise I would never have read the funniest cruise review in history. OMG! You should put this in a portfolio and apply as a scab writer for Letterman or Leno. Seriously!

I laughed so hard I had a hard time breathing and had to make an emergency trip to the potty (and I was sitting down at my desk). It took twice as long to get through the piece because tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't see without constant wiping with tissues.

I'm going back to the X board to thank the poster for this Christmas morning gift of laughter. We are leaving 3 weeks from Thurs. 1/17, for Sydney and our 14-night cruise from Sydney to Aukland on Mercury. We've always had great cruises, but now I know there's not much that can go wrong that would ever begin to compare to this. Except, maybe, the couple whose luggage was totally lost before their 2 wk cruise and as of being home for a week, had still not been located. :eek:

Are there pics of the Dream after the collision (s)? I remember someone on the Infinity telling us about the blockage, but never got the full story.

There must be a writing contest somewhere that you could enter this hilarious review--you'd win hands down! :D

[Toni's Mom]

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I read your review aloud to DH, and we were both laughing so hard I took at least half an hour to get through it. Your writing style is remarkable, your sense of humor a delight, and your attitude a total breath of fresh air. We would be delighted to cruise with you anywhere, any time - even on a Japanese barge!

[Seago2]

was a new Lirica review or someone to post to my one man Lirica roll call.

 

Then I read this.

 

Thank you, Santa!

 

I fell asleep laughing about this review last night.

 

Everyone should have to pass a humor test, or even a humour test, before posting a review. I remember people laughing at my reviews so I just went back and read one- http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=477709&page=3- and I am reliving that whole cruise all over again. What a great cruise.

[Marie321]

This was so FUNNY! I had to read it aloud to my DH! How wonderful you saw the humor in everything and had a great time anyway!

[salty dingo]

Wow, what a super review - detailed and humorous. I think there will be stories to tell from that cruise, from now on!

[asader83]

You guys sound like my kind of people. A "roll with the punches" kind of couple.

 

I just loved this review! Someone very kindly linked your review in the Carnival boards, which I'm glad he did, because this was incredible! Thank you!

[ECP]

1) This has got to be one of the best reviews posted anywhere on the entire WWW much less CC. Your writting skills should never falls into 'The Hands of the Forces of Evil'. Please use your powers of laughter for the good of mankind.

 

2) Your fame has even spread to the 'Carnival' forum - and yes they love your sense of style.

 

3) Wear high-heels for the next contest.

 

4) Just did Carnival Destiny. The safety drill was only in English and Spanish and that was like a small hell, how could you take French and German as well? I would have gone insane.

 

5) The soldier with the stuck part. Mentally translated what would happen if he was a member of the RCMP at Ottawa, the Marines at Washinton DC, the Royal Guard at Buckingham Palace - They all come out the same - He is $%*(^(^%$%^ big time.

[Sally Forth]

Oh my gosh, thank you for one of the best reviews ever. I am wiping my eyes as I forward the link to friends.

 

Viv

[cabo de hornos]

Many, many thanks for sharing this Jack (and Jill). We await announcement of your next sailing so that we may join in the fun in person.

 

All - please put in a good word for DW and me, as we soon sail on Infinity (one of the trapped ships) on a similar itinerary (again).

 

Someone asked about photos of the incident. The following is taken from a post on the main Celebrity board shortly after the incident.

-----

Have a look at

 

http://www.maritimematters.com/shipnews.html

 

Scroll down to the story about Dream dated December 14 and look for the link within that story to reach the sequence of photos, as it happened.

-----

Cabo

[SeaDreams]

What a great review. That's how you roll with the punches. I'd cruise with you all anytime. Enjoy your wonderful life.

[Wormy53]

Thanks for a great review!! - just the kind I can sink my teeth into! One problem - we're going to SA in March - so you kind of have me worried. However, we're on the Star Princess. I would hate to fly all that way and miss as much as you did. You are a definite SAILOR to keep up such a good attitude! :D

[LambKnuckles]

Great review... Had fun reading it... But picturing this:

 

"but I now find myself crossing my legs and dangling my shoes off the ends of my toes when I sit. On the positive side, I have to admit I do smell pretty good."

 

is a bit troubling... Especially on a full stomach of Christmas Dinner...

 

Sailor Jack -- you are a hoot!

[SheilaNC]

SailorJack,

While I am sorry that you had so many 'adventures' on your trip, I am so happy that you are a marvelous writer and story teller. My DH and I laughed hard with tears in our eyes, and, yes, rolling down our cheeks. What a wonderful way to, forgive the overused metaphor, make lemons into lemonade. I admire your candor, your way with words, and, most of all, your wonderful sense of humor. I only hope that we sail together some day. Thank you!

[bearbait]

As I sit here in my igloo somewhere above the arctic circle in Alaska I am eagerly awaiting the next installment of this most wonderful, lively and glowing review. Once I get the ink in the printer to thaw i'll print a copy and leave it in the outhouse for all my visitors to read.

[bean24]

I must re-iterate what many others have said, you made lemons into some of the funniest lemonade I've ever seen. I was reading it to my DH and couldn't get the words out. Merry Christmas and thanks for giving us all a laugh.

-Michelle:)

[TenerifeSharon]

Brilliant, just brilliant. Sailor Jack, you've made the "big time" -- I think your review has been cross-linked to almost every forum on Cruise Critic:D And we are all laughing off at least 1000 calories each while reading it.

[Miss Vickie]

Thank you so much for posting this! I'm sorry your trip wasn't as you had planned but I certainly hope that if ever faced with circumstances as unexpected, that I react as gracefully, and certainly wish I had half your writing talent!

 

Wishing you less adventuresome cruises in your future!

[Copper10-8]

Hi Norwegians and Merry Christmas to you all! A "visitor" from the HAL boards here. Just wanted to congratulate SailorJack on one of the funniest and entertaining reviews I have read in a long time! You've got some talent, Jack, thanks again!! All the best to you and watch out for large sexy German ladies in small showers, Suzuki Grand Vitara's and military honor guards with loaded rifles! Awesome!!:D :D :D ;)

[JackieL]

I have never read anything so funny in my life! I think you are Dave Barry in disguise!

 

Would you cruise NCL again?

[runnerandme]

I have just read your reviews for the third time. I love the Smoke SOS. It took me twice to get that one..lol. I would without a doubt buy the book if you ever wrote one..Merry Christmas to All.

 

Connie

[klct39lg]

I have never read anything so funny in my life! I think you are Dave Barry in disguise!

 

Would you cruise NCL again?

 

That's what I was thinking!:D I was waiting for the OP to say, "I'm not making this up."

 

Thank you so much for your review, it was delightful, even if your cruise wasn't.:D

[Flick]

Having taken that cuise last year (on a different NCL ship: although having read your review I'm not so sure of that now!) I laughed till the tears rolled. I have no one favorite line to throw back to you, they all were THAT good. Incidentally, on our cruise, which we went on to experience the rough and wild waters of the Horn, we too had calm seas. (Personally I think the Chilean Fjords Chamber of Commerce hired the same folks that tell us how much wild life there is in Denali in Alaska, but then again I could be wrong!) At any rate, what a wonderful Christmas gift your review was for us....thanx again!