Son is Scared..Need Advice Quick

[khinscem]

I hope someone out there can give me some advice. My 12 year old son and I are leaving for Houston tomorrow at 9am, and will be staying overnight in Galveston before our cruise on Monday.

Yesterday my son was acting a little sick, but wouldn't really tell me what was wrong. To make a long story short, he told me today that he is very nervous about flying. That really surprised me, because him and I flew to Hawaii 3 years ago, and he got the biggest kick out of. He later told me that when he flew last year with his dad (we are divorced) to Disney World, that there was alot of turbulence and it scared him.

I have been telling him to think of turbulence as a bumpy road, and that isn't going to make the plane crash. I've also been telling him how safe flying is now, and tried to tell him how riding in a car is so much more dangerous. I also told him to think just about the cruise and not the flight. When I say the latter, he will tell me "but that doesn't help...it just doesn't seem real that we are really going".

I don't know if anybody out there would have any extra advice. I know he will get on the plane, but I hate to see him suffer with anxiety and make the travel part miserable. He said he wish he had a portable DVD player so he could watch a movie while on the plane, but I just can't shell out the $$ for the right now (Plus, on my payday yesterday, my employer shorted me 16 hours of pay!!! Couldn't have come at a worse time, but we will make do).

Thanks in advance,

 

Sherri

Splendour of the Seas 4/12/04

[sailor moon]

Does he have a portable cassette player he could listen to? If not, they are super cheap ($10 or less).

 

JB

UPCOMING CRUISES:

Splendour of the Seas 4/04

Rhapsody of the Seas 11/04

 

[cruzenbabe]

Wow, this is a tough one. My son doesn't care for flying and he's 13. He always ask can we take the train. Did that once, will never do it again.

 

Coming back from our cruise this past February, we experienced a lot of turbalence. He would grab onto my arm like I'm suppose to do something. He tenses up too. But the weird thing is, he likes to sit by the window.

It's really nothing you can do but assure him he will be alright.

Maybe have him talk to a steward when you get on board. He/she can explain that they fly back and forth hundreds of time and reassure him everything will be fine.

He may ease up, hearing it from them.

I cruise on my pay weeks also and sorry about your check. I know that's a bummer.

[CruiserCanyon]

Some planes have movies on them now, even for short flights, 2/3's of the planes i flew on had a childrens movie. You might also say that there are police men on the plane, which i hope there are, and that the turbulance is just luggage in the bottom, also can you email me plz at sdw3656@msn.com

[smeyer418]

I think some of this MIGHT be because so much about 9-11 and the airplanes has been on the news the last two weeks along with the Bombing in Spain. I would suggest you ask him if he knows why he is scared and then try to deal directy and honestly with the issue(flying is safer than driving for instance but you do rely on the pilot someone who he doesn't know.) You might ask to go up and see the pilot before the plane leaves the gate(since its verboten after that) ask the flight attendents or the gate people...its much harder today for kids IMO. If it is something else that makes him afraid or he doesn't know...

 

[This message was edited by smeyer418 on 04-10-04 at 09:09 PM.]

[FrankiRN]

a lot of adults have flight anxiety too, and if trying to talk with your son and reassure him doesn't work, there may be something you can do. Call his pediatrician, and he may agree to call you something in to help take the edge off of his fear. If they think it warranted, they can prescribe a mild pediatric safe anti anxiety medication that you can give him prior to the flight. It shouldn't make him too drowsy, but it may make him a little drowsy for the remainder of the day. I wouldn't make a habit of it, but once he sees that he made it OK, maybe you won't have to repeat it on the way home. Above all, I wouldn't lie to him and tell him that the turbulance is luggage, because it's not. He's not stupid, he's a child.

 

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[This message was edited by FrankiRN on 04-10-04 at 09:20 PM.]

[smeyer418]

unless its more than I am scared, I strongly suggest against the use of drugs(although my wife always drinks a vodhka before she gets on the plane). Its not good to teach kids if you feel down or anxious a day or two drugs are the answer, IMO. If however its beyond the normal additional anxiety it may be necessary as a last resort.

[KEG21552]

I am 52 years old and I an afraid of flying. I do it, I do it often, but I don't like it. Strangely enough, after my first cruise, my fears about flying diminished. Maybe realizing the ocean had "bumps" in the road also. I am sorry to say, citing safety statistics does not particularly ease my fear. Hopefully you have a non stop flight and once you get airborne you will have a smooth one and maybe he will relax.

I think that you are either a nervous flyer or not, and those who are not can't really appreaciate the fears of those of us you are. They are perhaps unrational, but they exist.

Just hold his hand and point out that the flight attendants are completely relaxed.

Hope you have a good flight.

Karen

[ccletzgo]

get to the gate early. Ask if you and your son can meet the pilot. There shouldnt be a problem with this. (explain why, if you have too) This will help alot. The 1st officer would be glad to talk to your son.

I know its not an easy thing to do, but if you ever have a chance for your son to fly in a small plane, it changes how you feel about turbulance. You are right. Just a bumpy road.

We just are not aware of the impact that 9/11 had on our young people. Situations like this are getting very common amoung 10 -13 year olds now. They where at a very vulnerable age on 9/11. young, but old enough to really realize what happened.

Good luck! Hang in there. There are also books on tapes that you can get. I use them.

He might like that.

good luck. Let us know how you are doing. There maybe some more answers.

[JudyOh]

Check at the terminal, in Cincinnati the Delta Terminal has a place where you can rent a portable DVD and it also comes with a couple DVDs of your choice. My daughter did this last year with her son, I don't remember the cost but it was reasonable. You just turn it in at the arrival terminal.

[BethCarp]

I'm going to pose another question, trying really hard not to sound insensitive. Is it possible he's "acting" in order to get you to buy him a DVD player? I just think that if he really were scared, the DVD player wouldn't help. Again, I'm not trying to imply anything bad about your son, but when you mentioned the DVD, that just raised a red flag with me. That may be something you want to explore.

 

Beth

 

Radiance 7/03

[khinscem]

Thanks to all who have responded to so far, I really appreciate it! What a wonderful board this is.

Bethcarp, he actually has never asked for a portable DVD player and is not much of a movie buff, lol. He'll watch them but he's like me, kind of picky about what kinds of movies to watch. So I don't think this is the case (but maybe, he's getting older...but he has just seemed so scared to me today and yesterday that I don't think that's what it was.)

After I wrote this, I started to wonder if it isn't weather related. When he went to Disney last year, they left during a severe thunderstorm, which caused alot of turburlence. Then when they left to come back from Ohio they had alot of storms and turbulence too. He talked about being in the bathroom when the plane kind of lurched forward or something and how bad it scared him. So anyways, he has been on the weather sites this morning checking the weather, and saw there was a chance of rain in the Galveston area tomorrow. Not storms, mind you. But I think that he got so scared that he's afraid rain will also mean alot of turbulence too.

I went on and looked at the weather this evening, saw there was a tornado warning for the Houston area, and thank God he didn't see that and of course I kept my trap shut about that!!

A few of you mentioned 9/11 and I think you are so correct, alot of these kids watched those videos of those planes going right into the buildings. I can imagine how scared it would make the kids, it bothers me to watch that. He did mention 9/11 too once when we were talking. I told him that was pretty understandable, after watching the videos of that. But also told him the best I could that being scared is exactly what the terrorists want you to do. So don't let them win. Then went into a bit about the security we all go through now with planes (although I'm certainly no expert at it, lol).

Thanks again to everyone...later tonight he actually seemed okay again. I think it helped to talk openly about it.

 

Sherri

[4 cruisers]

Sherri, have a twelve year old (almost 13) and a 23 year old son...the older is not a good flying companion. We hit bad weather for 3 hours from LAX to Fort Lauderdale in Jan. My oldest kept looking at me as you described (we Mom's usually "fix" things!). I always splurge on a new game boy game before we leave on long flights. If they have a diversion like that, it really helps plus they actually look forward to the flight because they get their game then! You could do the same with music CD's.

 

Hope this helps. Lots of great posts here...I too would avoid the drugs at pretty much all cost! I love it when my kids' doc recommended Benedryl for one of our earlier vacations... Luckily I tried it before the trip because it made my son "Wired!!!" instead of sleepy!

 

Have a great trip!

Nanette

 

...until our August 28, 2004 Splendour of the Seas

 

 

[cmjaffe]

Sherri,

I've got a "sensitive" son too... as far as flying is concerned... and daughter (7 1/2) is same way too... doesn't want to go on cruises... (been on 6 so far) 'cause she needs to fly to port. That said, found out why Alex is "anxious".. turns out it was the "reality" shows on TV about crashes (this happened before 9/11) and has carried forth... he still isn't too happy to be on plane BUT knows that if he wants to go anywhere on vacation, we need to deal with it.. and we HAVE been in some really bad turbulance the last couple of flights.. but I try (as best as I can) to calm him AND also try to distract him.

Good luck... perhaps check out the DVD rentals.. I think it's under $20 including the return on the player (may be even less).

Carolyn

[01 Cobra]

Sherri,

I am terrified of flying. I was ok before 911, then I just lost it because I drive past the Pentagon everyday. My husband bought me a book about how airplanes fly and just knowing how it works helps a little, but I am a severe case because my husband and son were less than 3 miles from the Pentagon when it happend...Nevertheless, it's our choice to live here and we still do. I went to my docotor and he gave me some medicine not to make me so anxious. But like someone above said..I wouldn't recommend it for a child. My husband convinces me to fly so I do but I would prefer to drive anyday. Too bad we can't drive over big water. I really don't have any valuable advice for you except try books about airplanes at your local library, show him an old Wright brother film on family night and talk about it. Communication is really valuable. Especially when adults listen, which you have been doing very well...you are obviously a wonderful and caring mother. Good luck and Happy cruising!!!

[dthjr]

Good Morning,

 

I have an 11 year old daughter that didn't want to fly and doesn't like boats but we wanted to go on a cruise. I live in N.Y. but we wanted to go on a Voyager class ship. My wife didn't want to drive to FLA. We were looking at cruises for over three years that would make everybody happy. Our prayers were answers when the Voyager Of The Seas was anounced that is was going out of N.Y.. Well we booked our cruise for May 21,2004 last June. I've been showing my daughters pictures of the ship and also the tenders that she must go on. We'll find out in 40 days how she does. I hope everything works out just fine.

 

My daughter gets those very funny feelings in the stomach when she goes over large hills. She avoids big hills , carnival rides , boats and planes. When we us the Cross Island ferry she doesn't move from her seat at all . The fear on this kid's face is hard to watch. We avoid these things as much as possible for her. We just hold her hand and talk to her when we see her get that funny look on her face.

 

We are bringing some stuff just in case things don't work out for the best , as a last resort.

 

She hates flying because it would be like a carnival ride not because of 9/11. Maybe your son gets those same funny feelings in his stomach!!

[want2seaitall]

I don't think his motive is to get a dvd player....turbulance can be really scarey at times. I was on a flight a couple years ago...so bad...the round of drinks that was ordered right before it happened came around with no charge after it was over. I know how you feel about your pay...I'm leaving on Thursday and I just started a new office 2 weeks ago...I negotiated $1 more an hour with the dentist...and for 2 weeks it hasn't been fixed in my pay....ARGH!!!

 

until my Majesty of the Seas cruise!

 

 

Carnival Inspiration - June 2003

 

RCCL Monarch of the Seas - July 2002

 

 

[Truluv]

One of our teens has also been nervous about flying since 9/11. I think the gameboy game & DVD rental ideas are great. They won't distract him on takeoff & landing, but they'll make the whole airport experience more positive. I also like books on tape (rented from your local library -- amazingly distracting!). They're usually on cassettes but are now coming out on DVD. A cassette player at Wal-mart is really cheap, and they work for a really long time on a set of batteries. The benefit of books on tape is that he'll wear earphones, which will block out some of the airport announcements/noise. If he loves to read, a regular book might have the same result. Gum/candy, magazines, etc. can help, along with a set of cruise ship reviews printed off the Internet that he may not have looked at yet. Distraction is good! The odds are way in your favor that the flight will be smooth, with very little turbulence (if any). Have a wonderful cruise!!

[Tess4]

You've received some great advice! My daughter and I flew to San Diego (from Denver) last month and she told me the night before how terrified she was to fly. This was her first post 9/11 trip on an airplane and her major fear was getting through airport security. She had a very different mental picture than what actually happens. She was also nervous once we got on the plane--this from a kid who used to love flying. Luckily our plane had seatback tv's with direct tv and she watched the game show network all the way home--that helped a lot so maybe your plane will be equipped the same. It's worth the $5 charge, for sure. Let us know how you get along, would you? Have a great trip!

[andreakul]

When my kids are scared I bring lots of stuff on board and give them my full attention. Playing cards is a great way to get them distracted and help pass the time. We play crazy 8, slap jack- (people in front of us don't like it so play it on your lat), Hang man is great- they take their feelings from you so always make them feel comfortable, bring his favorite snack or food, and remind him that flying is in fact safer than driving because there are so many more controls- qualified pilots- no drunk drivers, etc. But most of all give him your full attention and smile at all times.

 

Andreakul

 

Until Grandeur of the Seas

Navigator 7/5/2003

Explorer 7/5/2002

Infinity 7/20/2001

Norway- Millenium Cruise 2000

[4 cruisers]

The last poster just made me think of what we did with our now 23 year old years ago before gameboys...we got the neat clay that comes in a small slab with many colors...we each would make little funny figures and then "Mr. Bill" like, they would have "mishaps!" Laughter is probably the best medicine for distress!~!!! We had WAY too much fun!!!!

Best wishes!

 

Nanette

 

...until our August 28, 2004 Splendour of the Seas

 

 

[CementShoes]

Airline talk just makes me think about lines from the comedy movie "Airplane":

 

Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

 

Reporter: What kind of plane is it?

Johnny: Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripes, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol.

 

Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines

[Family of 14]

Hope the original poster and son had an OK flight. Houston did get some very strong winds yesterday. And storms all in the areas they flew.

 

I like all the advice for interactive play. Games, playdough, etc. How about a book as well! Reading is a great stress reliever.

 

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[stones902]

As someone who gets very nervous flying, I can sympathize with your son.

 

I found a website once that was developed by an airline pilot to help explain the many things that occur when you fly. He wrote it so educate people about flying and how to deal with the fear that some people have. I don't have the website anymore but I am sure with a little persistance you might find it under "fear of flying" with a good search engine. I found the site to be very informative and it has helped me to deal with the fear of flying.

 

Good luck.

[joto]

Our son (18) is going to be flying transatlantic for the first time on his own over the summer and is very nervous about it. He knows he is going to be the one that security is going to pick out for a search. Won't be able to find passport and ticket and all the rest. How can we reassure him that things will go well for him?