Services you wish cruises offered: Cruise Ship Attorney?

[EdmPair]

Let's be fair here. We could offer gentlemen dinner companions for single rich older matrons. If I only looked a bit more ... well ... young. And it would be charged by the hour.

 

I like how this thread has turned. The lawyer idea was hitting me as just too funny to have been a real suggestion. I still can not decide if the OP meant it or not.

[Lerin]

I can not think of any benefit to a cruise ship attorney.

People have enough issues trying to figure out if they need a Passport. I can't imagine them also keeping track of legal paperwork.

 

There would be a greater benefit to a cruise ship IRS agent, especially one that only sails the first 2 weeks in April :p but who wants to spend vacation doing something boring that you can do at home?

 

Agree-this is one of the worst ideas ever posted on cc.

[EdmPair]

Cruise lines could offer death with dignity. Well, if not dignity, at least some excitement. They could build a trebuchet on an upper deck and if you so chose, they could fling you aft. Let's face it sometimes it is hard to say if the person was pushed or jumped. This would make that clear so no time is needed to stop the ship and turn back. The person chose to be loaded in the basket and the trajectory would be much wilder than most of those water slides which take up WAY more space.

 

What else the cruise lines offer as a service?

Edited January 7, 2014 by EdmPair

[cheeseburger.in.paradise]

Ok, here is my idea. How about a "Sharing Kiosk". This is a place to go and ask if anyone has a (fill in the blank), sewing kit, roll of duct tape, packing tape, hole punch, first aid kit, pepto bismol, immodium, Dramamine....ok, you get the idea. My thought is that look at all the weight it would save if we ALL didn't bring EVERYTHING because we knew we could borrow something on board. Just a thought....

 

This would cause the ship to loose money, since they sell most of these items at their store for hugely inflated prices. Wouldn't happen.

[GlendaleCruiser]

Legal stuff is the last thing I want to think about when I'm on a cruise.

[GlendaleCruiser]

I think a good thing they could offer would be information classes/sessions on cruising, like someone mentioned.

 

--How to choose the right cabin for your needs.

--The difference in cabin and category #s.

--What to expect in certain areas, i.e., lower decks, higher decks, midships, aft, forward, etc.

--What's the difference between booking online, on the phone, through a TA or a Personal Vacation Planner at the cruiseline.

--What you get when you cruise more often (levels and perks)

 

Things like that.

[Cruisin' Chick]

Personally, I don't even understand taking a seminar in a serious subject on a ship (maybe some people like to spend their sea days learning about investing, etc., but I would rather veg with a good chick lit book or watching a movie in my cabin). But at least those are general seminars and not something limited such as law. And what if you got bad advice?

[fortinweb]

An attorney on board to provide legal services? Why stop there? How about a proctologist to check my prostrate? Or a plastic surgeon to do that tummy tuck I have been thinking of? Maybe an appliance repairman so I can bring my broken toaster to be fixed. Or a cobbler to resole my old shoes?

 

Wait! Aren't I supposed to be on vacation when on a cruise? I shouldn't be using up valuable vacation time taking care of personal matters I can do more easily at home.

 

The OP's idea is pretty goofy! :eek:

[dorisis]

We had a lawyer onboard one of our Panama Canal cruises who DID lecture on the subjects mentioned. The attendance at his lectures was poor.

[mtwingcpa]

Let's be fair here. We could offer gentlemen dinner companions for single rich older matrons. If I only looked a bit more ... well ... young. And it would be charged by the hour.

 

A few cruise lines do offer "gentleman dancers" for single women (but I'm not aware of any equivalent service for single men). I'm not sure how the dancers are compensated (tips?) but I'd guess the same payment model could be adopted for the "dinner companion" service I've suggested.

[SuitCaseBears]

Crystal Cruises do have single WELL SCREENED gentlemen who are there to dance with the single women passengers (or even married women who's husbands don't like to dance).

 

On the cruise we were on it appeared to be a very popular service, and the men who were chosen were all interesting, charming and not allowed to fraternize if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

 

I've also been on theme cruises where there are lectures and they are very popular. I'm an attorney (shhhh... it's a secret I don't always share) and teach "how to start a business" classes to chambers of commerce and at a local college. I would teach a class if there was a theme cruise on entrepreneurship. But a general lecture is very different from giving individual advice. And any attorney worth his or her salt knows to stay far away from that line when giving general programs.

 

I would say anyone who would go to an attorney on a cruise ship without doing massive due diligence on the attorney's credentials, deserves whatever half-assed advice they get... but then I know people have Botox injections on cruise ships. So what do I know.

[CaroleSS]

My son and a friend (at the time they were both 20) got all dolled up for formal night and during the pre-dinner dancing offered to dance with the ladies (most were quite senior).

 

They put one hand behind their back and extended the other with a pleasant, "would you like to dance?" They said they'd never had so much fun!!

[Aquahound]

I don't know about having a lawyer on board. I dont see a benefit on that.

 

What I would like to see more of, though, are destination experts who can answer questions and not steer us towards Diamonds International. HAL did a great job with this on my one cruise with them in Europe.

[CaroleSS]

As aquahound suggests, how about some lectures about each port: their history, their culture, major industries, etc. I'd enjoy that much more than a "shopping talk".

[sail7seas]

I think a good thing they could offer would be information classes/sessions on cruising, like someone mentioned.

 

--How to choose the right cabin for your needs.

--The difference in cabin and category #s.

--What to expect in certain areas, i.e., lower decks, higher decks, midships, aft, forward, etc.

--What's the difference between booking online, on the phone, through a TA or a Personal Vacation Planner at the cruiseline.

--What you get when you cruise more often (levels and perks)

 

Things like that.

 

 

Isn't all the information available in cruise line brochures and on their websites?

 

[mom says]

I don't know about having a lawyer on board. I dont see a benefit on that.

 

What I would like to see more of, though, are destination experts who can answer questions and not steer us towards Diamonds International. HAL did a great job with this on my one cruise with them in Europe.

 

Winner!!! Best idea by far. A port expert who isn't in it just for the kickbacks. Information sessions on the history, culture, important sites, etc of each of the ports of call.

[Gunner22aa]

As posted before:

 

Know your broker. Mine is an ex finance officer I served with in the military

Know your jeweler. Thats DW's problem to handle

Know your lawyer. Mine is an ex JAG officer I served with in the military

 

I couldn't agree more. The last thing I need unless I'm really in a bind is legal advice from a stranger. If I were in a bind I'd call mine first.

[numbersix]

Why waste vacation time ? All that can be done at home

 

Agreed!

 

Kinda like Teeth Whitening (people don't have dentists whithin a 50-mile radius of where they live?)....or....art dealers, or...jewellers, or...

 

:rolleyes:

[celle]

I think it would be far more useful to have a dentist on board than a lawyer.

 

I've heard stories of people having to find emergency dental treatment while in a foreign port. I've never heard of anyone rushing off to find a lawyer to write them a will or plan their estate.

[Lady Chew]

Isn't all the information available in cruise line brochures and on their websites?

 

 

not to mention, right here on Cruise Critic ...

[ehfl]

I don't think that people would want to spend vacation time filling out paperwork. If you see people trying to sell their non-vacation-related services aboard, it might appear that they were just trying to figure out a way to get a free cruise, or to write off their cruise as a tax deduction.

[Lady Chew]

I read a mystery a few years ago, about a group of women of "a certain age," one of whom had won a great deal of money and would take her friends on exotic trips.

 

This particular book, they took a Self Improvement Cruise, featuring exercise, proper food & nutrition tips for various types of diets, and plastic surgery, from simple procedures such as botox to complex ones such as face lifts, tummy tucks, etc ... while the ship was at sea ... all I could think was, the author had never been on a cruise ...

[EdmPair]

Well, if not a lawyer, why not some other professional?

 

A dentist so I could get a tooth pulled and sit in my cabin with a swollen face for a day.

 

An accountant so when I bring my tax papers to him or her, I will be told to go home and get the some paper I forgot.

 

An architect who could redesign my cabin into 'something modern with just a touch of Spanish Inquisition' for $100.

 

An engineer to make the shower spigot in my cabin less efficient and so the shower will really 'bathe' me in a waterfall.

 

I am sure there are others.

(I would like to thank the OP for the inspiration.)

[ducklite]

Winner!!! Best idea by far. A port expert who isn't in it just for the kickbacks. Information sessions on the history, culture, important sites, etc of each of the ports of call.

 

 

They have these on some cruises already. Guest lecturers as part of enrichment series who lecture on topics specific to that port or cruise theme. A friend's mother is a cultural anthropologist who has produced a number of documentaries and written a number of books. She leads a couple of shore excursions to places she has expert knowledge of and gives a 75-90 minute lecture most every sea day during the cruise. (Different lecture each time) She regularly lectures on Crystal and one other, Oceania maybe?

 

She and her husband get a cabin (usually lowest class that isn't an inside), gratuities, with taxes, economy airfare, and one night hotel pre-cruise, etc. included. They pay to upgrade the airfare to business and cover their expenses such as alcohol not included, shore excursions she isn't guiding, spa, gambling, etc. She usually does two or three 14-30 day cruises a year. She loves it as she is semi-retired and it allows her to stay current and relevant in her field while being able to more or less set her own schedule. Her husband is retired other than being on the board of several charities, so it really works out marvelously for them.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...