.......idle jottings

[Jim Avery]

So you had to "drag your buttocks" !

Please.

There may be ladies reading or people of a weak or un-hinged disposition ! (Plenty of those: un-hinged).

It also must have taken an awful lot of effort to drag them too.

The lobes of which you speak must weigh quite a bit !

Yes siree.

 

The cause of the "problem" is that you are receiving the FREE service.

90% of the "Daily Drivel Digest" receive updates twice a day.

This premium subscription service has many excellent features.

Too many to list unfortunately.

The "iron ore" level is the one you should consider.

At only $25 a month, it is our entry level issue but it does come without advertising.

 

And another thing, please do not use the 4 letter, "W" word again !

It's not smart and it's not nice.

However it may be permitted in some contexts, say:

"I am working through a crate of beer..."

 

But to be serious, apart from you, who claims to be working yet you posted on Saturday, early afternoon !

Aha !

It's you and T Rapper Z who are reading.

It is customary for people not to read CC tween Friday afternoon to Monday morning.

 

And Hum aint "gettin' outta bed" for less than 750 a day baby !

 

Go and take Lois out.

No not the ruddy gun club !!!!!

Hum gives up.............

 

Lois loves "the ruddy gun club". In fact she is the better shot of us. :eek: I might be imbalanced with one of Sundance's Moose Drool Bitters but never you mind.

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

There are many reasons why Jim made that error....

 

Edited February 28, 2016 by Ragnar Danneskjold

[Jim Avery]

 

 

 

 

While I am enjoying these idle jottings, I am greatly disturbed by the somewhat less than "dead on balls accurate" quoting and context from the great My Cousin Vinny! :eek:

 

[YOUTUBE]CFdJza0AbeA[/YOUTUBE]

 

Sorry, but I was quoting Vinnie's question to Miss Vito. :D Prosecution/defense who can tell?

Edited February 28, 2016 by Jim Avery

[Jim Avery]

No fools here, just "special people".:eek: I too love that movie. Marisa is one of our faves. Might pull it out of the archives for this afternoon since Mr. Hum is taking the day off..... Imagine that. And welcome to this board. This comparison has had many of us, myself included, now hanging out over at Crystal as well as checking out the Crystal website. You never know where we might turn up.:eek::D

[ganttc]

One of my all time FAV movies!

[ho-hum]

Talking of movies.

Having just travelled from the Seychelles to Dubai.

There was a guy in our favoured compartment of the plane that annoyed most all the other passengers by outbreaks of raucous laughter and howls of crying.

It was awful.

 

Hum had never seen "Birdman" before !!!

 

The film was like a glorious mini nervous breakdown.

 

The looks Hum had at Baggage collection by the other passengers who could hear it all the way back in "coach" (as Americans term it. Do they believe the plane is being pulled by flying unicorns ?).

 

What ?

Whaaaaaaattttt ?

Hum said to the crowd 'round him.

His voice rising and being more aggressive each time.

Standing like he had just entered the ring.

 

It's right up there with three of Hum's other all time favourite's "Trainspotting", "One flew over the cuckoos nest" and "Being there"

 

Love the under heading

"The unexpected virtue of ignorance"

 

Hum thanks "The Keith" for people like this in the world.......it's a little less lonely.

[ho-hum]

Well the boys on the Crystal Esprit team are looking mighty smug about now.

Sea Dream Yacht Club are a little nervous and are putting on a brave face.

But your impartial reviewer will now cast his eye over the pair of 'em !

No old loyalties will influence Hum neither will old "scores" to settle either.

 

CABIN

 

- So how does the cabin of the much hyped / publicised Esprit rate ? Will they suffer like Europa 2 and be found to be not so good at sound insulation between cabins (Hum cannot personally vouch for this criticism as he has never sailed the ship but he has heard one rumour to this effect. One ! Good God man that's ridiculous !). The sound proofing between cabins does not prevent one man's awful morning coughing from assailing Hum !

 

- and when Hum's adjoining cabin neighbour bangs his head against the bed head board next door, it reverberates on Hum's side !

 

- neither CE or SD have balconies but so what ? There are so many intimate areas around both vessels to take yourselves off to. And it means a certain "smart ass" wont be ruining our enjoyment

 

- the CE cabin bed is too soft ! SD bed wins.....oh and Hum prefers SD pillows too but the sheets are nicer on CE. Couldn't do 10 days onboard CE. Hum spends a lot of time in bed, at the dining room table and bar. Keeps Hum fit with all that activity. "You ruddy role model Hum"

-

- Cabin cupboards for hanging clothes are just a tad too small for one's clothes; even for Hum. SD's aren't much larger but just that bit more helps

 

- on sporadic occasions the toilet wont flush and one poor couple saw the contents of their mornings ablutions racing back up to greet them. Suppose they just could not bare to be parted. But this was a one off and everything was contained. Wish they hadn't told Hum ! And at breakfast !! This also happens on SD very, very occasionally.

 

- the "super-duper" wifi just stops on CE but the same happens on SD where the wifi is charged for ($90 per week) and runs at 0.59 mgb as opposed to 10+ mgb on CE and is free (oh yes you pay fir it at some point) And on CE you can "stream" and receive YouTube unlike SD. The wifi goes down quite regularly on CE: there are less "out" times on slow SD

 

- the cabin has a pair of first class binoculars and a beach bag for towels

 

- the shower room is glorious, large, well lit and easy to use unfortunately even in the mild sea conditions the glass door to the shower slides open and closed and has to be restrained with a bottle stuck between sliding door and fixed side enclosure. The marble top to the sinks and shower plinth is the most beautiful piece of marble Hum has EVER seen. Better than the fancy hotels of Italy. It is white, dark grey and gold/silver specks. You know Hum may be wrong, thinking about it, its granite. Yes granite, you see it is not soft as marble and the silver/gold are spar out-crops in the stone. But it is truly fabulous. The shower-room is gigantic compared to SD with a huge shower, two basins and a toilet which you dont have to arrange yourself "side saddle" on (too much detail for you. Sorry. But just remember what Hum said when you alight on the throne). The huge mirror in the shower room incorporate an integral tv. Its a gimmick. The height is perfect for dwarves. Dwarves who like to watch tv naked in the bathroom. Hum can safely say Crystal have cornered that market ! Naturist Dwarves will be flocking to Crystal.

 

- More importantly there are mirrors everywhere for preparing in front of. Make up mirrors were wonderful keeping Blondie happy and the torrent of profanities that normally are heard when on SD were fortunately absent. It's like sharing a cabin with a "docker" sometimes. "How the feck, do I make my sidding face in front of this bally mirror. It's obvious a man designed this crepe". Air is now very blue as an ill tempered lady pounds up and down the cabin in a rage. Later she elegantly wafts into the Main Salon she greets other ladies as if she has descended from a cloud, yet just minutes earlier it resembled a garage workshop with ill tempered, foul mouthed mechanics forcing parts together swearing never again ! After madam has completed this mega transformation, Hum is finally warned there are only two minutes for him to get ready ! She has previously been told Hum to stay out of her darn way. Now the cabin temperature is at sauna levels from the hairdryer being used at max setting for 30 minutes and Hum is badgered that madam needs to get at the event because of some such banal nonsense like Hum really wants to see Shirley before Mary does to explain some rubbish and so on and so on. We enter the Main Salon and another lady says "Oh doesn't Blondie look so gorgeous tonight" Blondie looks demure and coy with a look directed at Hum to say something appropriate. Not, "Well she should have seen her 10 minutes before leaving the cabin !"

 

- our cabin is wonderful: air-conditioned, beautifully clean, spacious, light from two huge windows which unfortunately are smeared in sticky stuff on the glass and the brass perimeter restraining edging is part polished but you cannot remove it. An unfortunate proponderence of and only blemishes.q,,l". ,,m, , m,,,

 

- There is an almighty big TV which unlike on SD is not playing an awful American, nasally woman gushing about how wonderful SD is ! This drives Hum to boiling point and most times they remember not to have it on when Hum boards. Unfortunately the tv has no news programmes: very odd and required for Hum to keep advising Trump on political events and moods

 

- There is a dinky lttle ipad at the side of the bed with all the information you need and acts as a nifty night light to begin the long trip to the loo (cabin is big you see). The ipad displays the weather for the week however the online newspaper doesn't work

 

- surprisingly, there are too few plugs in the cabin: SD is a tad better. Oh and the ipad takes an age to "power up" unlike SD which is a tad quicker by a miniscule

 

- the hairdryer "cuts out" after a minute but so does those on SD too

 

- The plumbing in the shower-room on CE gurgles and splutters like Dracula's dungeon on occasions and once Hum's large deposit came back right at him !! Yes this occurred on SD too ! No it's not just Hum's contribution to the sewerage fund ! Oh you cheeky lot !

-

- for some reason Hum is quite dis-orientated on the ship. A sign at the end of the corridors would help but maybe it detracts from the style, Hum sees that. But with one cabin number missing on deck 3 too, some confusion resulted.

 

- Blondie was told of a problem in a high end cabin that sounded horrendous but she was told on strict conditions not to say a word. Hum must accept those concerns but.....it kept them awake a lot ! Being fellow Brits, they were useless at complaining ! But being Brits, the stored up anger will come out.....in the form of a sniffy letter to Mr. Billy (owner of Crystal and actor).

 

 

CONCLUSION

- CE cabins are simply amazing even with a few "gripes" (too soft bed is most serious)

-

- SD cabins are smaller, poorly arranged and dated (but bed is better) and good enough. Remember it is a yacht. On CE, the cabin has no sense of place: it could be Berlin.

-

- only one winner here: CE

 

SCORES:

- CE: 22/25

- SD: 13/25

 

Shoreside Management: CE: 13. SD: 8 Winner CE

Boarding & Disembarkation: CE: 9. SD: 7 Winner CE

Vessel: CE: 15. SD: 21 Winner SD

Food & Wine: CE: 22. SD: 26 Winner SD

Entertainment, Cabin & Spa: CE: 13. SD: 10 Winner CE

Cabins: CE: 22. SD: 13 Winner SD

--------------------------------------------------------------

Running Total (so far): CE: 94. SD: 85 Leader CE

 

An 11 point lead !

Holy "Jim Avery" (Cruise Critic rhyming slang for "Moses" on account on his being about the same age but Jim has just two rules.......might tell you 'bout 'em one day)

Are you thinking what Hum's thinking.

Surely there's no way back again for SD ?

Maybe, maybe not,

Heck Hum has't even added the rest of the scores 'cos he aint finished writing the review much less scorin' 'em !!

Better get a shifty on then Hum !

Aye, aye sir.

 

Come on, we all knew it would end this way.

 

But if you have a problem with too soft a bed on CE then ask your TA what can be done.

 

When Raggy travels, they have to add 2 feet to the bed length and even then "Hagrid" can only just squeeze in !

He's gonna miss those royalties now "Harry P's" ended.

No, no make up required......in fact he had to smarten up........quite a jolly bit actually.

[ho-hum]

Hmmmmm.......should be called ".......idiot jottings"

 

Correction: Cabins winner is Crystal Esprit !

And it's a 9 point lead!!

 

Shoreside Management: CE: 13. SD: 8 Winner CE

Boarding & Disembarkation: CE: 9. SD: 7 Winner CE

Vessel: CE: 15. SD: 21 Winner SD

Food & Wine: CE: 22. SD: 26 Winner SD

Entertainment, Cabin & Spa: CE: 13. SD: 10 Winner CE

Cabins: CE: 22. SD: 13 Winner CE

--------------------------------------------------------------

Running Total (so far): CE: 94. SD: 85 Leader CE

Edited February 29, 2016 by ho-hum

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

"When Raggy travels, they have to add 2 feet to the bed length and even then "Hagrid" can only just squeeze in !

He's gonna miss those royalties now "Harry P's" ended.

No, no make up required......in fact he had to smarten up........quite a jolly bit actually."

 

One of the best, most accurate, insults I've ever received :D

 

However, as in the debates, it opens the door for a response....

[Keith1010]

Another interesting post, Hum.

 

Your writing style is enjoyable, unique and very descriptive.

 

Keith

[ho-hum]

"When Raggy travels, they have to add 2 feet to the bed length and even then "Hagrid" can only just squeeze in !

He's gonna miss those royalties now "Harry P's" ended.

No, no make up required......in fact he had to smarten up........quite a jolly bit actually."

 

One of the best, most accurate, insults I've ever received :D

 

However, as in the debates, it opens the door for a response....

 

Well let Hum respond then.

Nothing in the Constitution says he can't.

Hum is not implying Raggy is a freak of nature.

Nay

The underlying message is Raggy is one of the wonders of the world.

We're talking Hum's world.

Naturally.

 

Insults are terms of endearment, the highest and most affectionate kind old friend (now please dont hit Hum; you have height advantage, reach advantage, age advantage and you dont resemble a large jelly).

OK but not the face !

Edited February 29, 2016 by ho-hum

[Jim Avery]

implying Raggy is a freak of nature.

!

 

Who you callin' a freak?????? Don't worry, Sundance, Butch has your back!!!!:eek:

[Jim Avery]

Ragnar, are Y'all packing yet?? My money is on that you will be back from your cruise and have written your review long before Ho-Hum gets to the point.:eek: Ok Hum, just kidding.. We all know how sensitive you can be.:D:D

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

Still pack'n a few snacks for the limo to LAX.

 

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

And ho-hum's insensitivity has got me wondering if the 1st class seats we snagged for our transcon will accomodate my, eehhemmm, robust backside:

 

 

 

[Jim Avery]

And ho-hum's insensitivity has got me wondering if the 1st class seats we snagged for our transcon will accomodate my, eehhemmm, robust backside:

 

 

 

 

I have had to suffer through those cheap=o flights too. I feel your pain.:eek::D

[ho-hum]

Well let Hum respond then.

Nothing in the Constitution says he can't.

Hum is NOT implying Raggy is a freak of nature.

Nay

The underlying message is Raggy is one of the wonders of the world.

We're talking Hum's world.

Naturally.

 

Insults are terms of endearment, the highest and most affectionate kind old friend (now please dont hit Hum; you have height advantage, reach advantage, age advantage and you dont resemble a large jelly).

OK but not the face !

 

implying Raggy is a freak of nature.

 

Who you callin' a freak?????? Don't worry, Sundance, Butch has your back!!!!:eek:

 

Hum knows you're both probably doing it deliberately !!

 

But just in case you were both incensed to read what you wanna read owing to being used ONLY to insults, Hum will repeat:

 

Hum is NOT implying Raggy is a freak of nature.

Nay

The underlying message is Raggy is one of the wonders of the world.

 

Think Hum will return to insults and abuse for these two.

Heck it's a lot more fun and al you two scoundrels deserve anyways !

 

You'll never fit ino that sardine can !

Haha

Edited March 1, 2016 by ho-hum

[ho-hum]

Still pack'n a few snacks for the limo to LAX.

 

 

Haha

It is a funny photo !

Still laughin'.....

Hahahaha

You're a great sport !

Edited March 1, 2016 by ho-hum

[Jim Avery]

Haha

It is a funny photo !

Still laughin'.....

Hahahaha

You're a great sport !

 

It's him. At his favorite saloon on his personal stool. Nice haircut for his upcoming Windstar jaunt.

[Jim Avery]

You'll never fit ino that sardine can !

Haha

 

You are probably right. By the time ole Ragnar gets done "personalizin'" that space on the plane, they will most likely need to re configure that poor aircraft. Glad I ain't a goin' on the very next flight. Yeee Haww!

[ho-hum]

It seems fittin' that Butch & Sundance are at the 170K mark with Hum !

Great banterin' with you.

Thanks to Host Dan too for not throwin' us all in jail !

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

You and I will always be bound together, ho-hum...

 

 

(Payback's a b*tch, ain't it?)

Edited March 1, 2016 by Ragnar Danneskjold

[ho-hum]

You and I will always be bound together, ho-hum...

 

 

(Payback's a b*tch, ain't it?)

 

Master stroke !

Hum concedes Master !

Hahahahaha

[ho-hum]

Ragnar, are Y'all packing yet?? My money is on that you will be back from your cruise and have written your review long before Ho-Hum gets to the point.:eek: Ok Hum, just kidding.. We all know how sensitive you can be.:D:D

 

Now see here Butch, the only reason why Hum is taking his time is 'cos you are a slow reader !

And Hum tries not to use too many big words either (it also helps Sundance out a bit too).

Haha

[ho-hum]

Crystal Esprit. 7: Itineraries & Adventures

Very little of this matters to Hum & Blondie, the ship is usually the reason we go.

But we notice the ship is completely empty after breakfast.

"All getting away from you, Hum"

Thanks Raggy.......have a great flight "Hagrid"

Well Hum guesses it means something to a lot of you.

Ah yes, but Hum has never missed a SD Chef's Walk !!

Brilliant fun.....

 

ITINERARIES & ADVENTURES

- comparing itineraries is NOT difficult. CE is operating around the Seychelles in the Winter which is fine for us (and they are very beautiful islands: some of the most beautiful in the world that Hum has ever seen and the snorkelling too is said to be incredible) whilst SD is operating in the Caribbean where the options are much greater and there are more things to do (or not in Hum & Blondie's case)

 

- in the first four days of our time on CE, it rained, nay it "bucketed down". No Hum is not blaming CE and the crew advised the weather in the previous two weeks were wonderful. At least the humidIty was kept down because when the clouds did depart, the humidity was far too much for Hum. And that sun is fierce and with little protecting ozone, you must be very careful indeed. And so Hum checked up "after the horse had bolted" what season does it rain around the Seychelles: October - March ! Ooops ! At least it was warm. It did affect several "Adventures" which Hum was not going on anyway.

 

- The breakfast and lunch times are not sympathetic to "Adventures" on CE: just badly organised. On SD they would accommodate "Adventures" by altering dining times. Not on CE which was crazy.

-

- too many big "cock ups" on "Adventures" on CE and too many to recount. It was the talk of most evenings at cocktails and Hum cant be bothered to list all of them or those that were cancelled and announced twice over the public Tannoy by a person who you thought should be on "suicide watch" ! Gawd they were miserable. Never saw the person either and that person had a terribly responsible position onboard with passenger relations

 

- there were only zodiac to contractor ship transfers and these were precarious and time consuming and just plain horrible and long (some up to 30 minutes !). What kind of hell is this ?

 

- Hum has concerns too about a few of the SD activities too and often has witnessed potential accidents waiting to happen by improper supervision and more so by us stupid passengers (oh we're on holiday, what the heck !). There was some talk that the CE "Adventures" should have been better checked out as guests were un-prepared for them. SD dont advise how arduous certain activities are either but at least they have better supervision. A scale of difficulty would help. Hum has told SD shoreside management but they ignore it and other such stuff.

 

- look, on CE, we never really went anywhere and when we did we had to go back because the ship rocked in the calmest of sea conditions and on the last night we went to the same mooring we left from ! What a flat last night ! Felt cheated. Yes it was in published itinerary but still what a swizz ......

 

- now lets check CE itineraries. Boring ! Designed to be in only the calmest of waters for the reasons Hum gave earlier: vessel not happy in real open waters. It's a "tippy toe" kind of sailing, a holding onto the rails with "water wings" wrapped around you kind of sail. Jim would be so ruddy embarrassed even being on the boat ! Athens - Dubrovnik -Venice back and forth, back and forth. Look you dont have to be Sherlock Holmes now do you.

 

CONCLUSIONS

- CE is just fairly useless in swells and choppy water thus their itineraries are seriously restricted to "hugging" coastlines and islands or in protected areas (canal)

 

- The CE "Adventures" did not entice us even being ALL INCLUSIVE (the "eye gouging" looked the most interesting....if only Raggy were here !). The appalling weather was not a factor (we decided not to do any: they were just not our kind of thing......making an effort when bar is open.....they never stood a chance !).

 

- Nobody on CE personally promoted the "Adventures" onboard; It was as if no one cared. Yet Carolyn reported there was a talk ! Maybe we just over-looked it or were over-looked.

 

- Nobody appears to take responsibility for CE "Adventures" and no crew go along on "Adventures" for safety and liaison reasons. Extraordinary state of affairs.

 

- The contracted marina crew were highly praised by passengers but contracted couriers were not

 

- SD is a proper vessel and can deal with all kinds of sea conditions and can also get into the smaller ports. As a consequence, as well as the areas they visit: there are far more "Adventures" and interesting visits but transfers from ship to tender can be challenging at times too with some visits just plain cancelled cos of un-safe sea conditions for transfers but never as challenging as on CE.

 

- most of the SD "Adventures" are charged for but they are much more extensive and interesting however there are just as many which are inclusive and an Activities Manager and or Club Director leads it

 

SCORES:

- CE: 10/25

- SD: 20/25

 

Shoreside Management:..........CE: 13. SD: 8 Winner CE

Boarding & Disembarkation:....CE: 9. SD: 7 Winner CE

Vessel:......................................CE: 15. SD: 21 Winner SD

Food & Wine:...........................CE: 22. SD: 26 Winner SD

Entertainment, Casino & Spa:...CE: 13. SD: 10 Winner CE

Cabins:.....................................CE: 22. SD: 13 Winner CE

Itineraries & "Adventures":......CE: 10. SD: 25 Winner SD

--------------------------------------------------------------

Running Total (so far):..........CE: 104. SD: 110 Leader SD

 

9 point lead to CE last section !

Now a 6 point lead to SD this section !

Ho Hum's been got at !

Must have.

The high scoring swings are mad.

Stewards enquiry demanded.

Was to be expected.

..............

..............

No

Original decision UPHELD !!!

The place is going crazy now.

Never has this reporter seen anything like it.

Moon landings ..... Shoon landings

Ha !

Far more exciting and advancement of civilisation and science as we know it.

OK ....... not in the slightest....

Edited March 1, 2016 by ho-hum