Letting table mates know you won't be at dinner

[anonmom]

Many people disagree that it is "really OK" and "not an inconvenience" at all if tablemates don't show and haven't let anyone know. Many of us are just saying that common courtesy is letting someone know that they do not need to wait for us if we know in advance that we won't be there. If we don't know in advance, letting them know to start without us if we aren't there "on time" is very considerate.

 

It may not be the worst thing to do, but a little courtesy is certainly appreciated by most people!

 

Personally, I think it would be a terrible inconvenience to sit and wait for perfect strangers in order to get to order my meal, whether or not they eventually showed up. But it would also be awful to have to know in advance when I was going to be hungry and exactly where I wanted to eat. It would pretty much negate the value of having so many dining venues on board.

 

Like PP, I do not at all understand what the appeal of "traditional" dining is. You can meet new people at bars or at the pool or during events without the expectation that you will then have to do the same thing with them again every single day of the cruise. I enjoy friendly, casual conversation with most people I meet, but I definitely don't need a bunch of new best friends.

[GUT2407]

Personally, I think it would be a terrible inconvenience to sit and wait for perfect strangers in order to get to order my meal, whether or not they eventually showed up. But it would also be awful to have to know in advance when I was going to be hungry and exactly where I wanted to eat. It would pretty much negate the value of having so many dining venues on board.

 

Like PP, I do not at all understand what the appeal of "traditional" dining is. You can meet new people at bars or at the pool or during events without the expectation that you will then have to do the same thing with them again every single day of the cruise. I enjoy friendly, casual conversation with most people I meet, but I definitely don't need a bunch of new best friends.

 

 

Now me I love Trad. It's not the meeting people (we usually ask for a table for 2) it's the having the same waiter, him/her knowing our likes and dislikes, the little extra touches that come with that, not having to even think, "what time tonight".

 

But her it's great we are all different and have options that suit us.

[lady_cruiser]

If we share a table we will always let our table mates know if we won't be there the following night. This way they aren't waiting for us and can start ordering right away.

 

And by the same courtesy if we have a table for two we let our wait staff know that we won't be eating the following night.

[iheartbda]

The waiter making a comment about where you were was inappropriate, imo. What do we do? We never select traditional dining and we avoid the MDR. Just today we were reviewing the itinerary for our upcoming cruise and planning where we hoped to dine and when.

Inappropriate? They could have been making small talk and just wondering if the person had been feeling under the weather.

Edited October 15, 2015 by iheartbda

[John Bull]

On the first nite with our tablemates I announce that if we are 10 minutes late.....feel free to start w/o us.

and if we may wish to dine in specialties on any given night.....still no ones business.....if we are tired and want to do room service....still no ones business. T he first nite explanation is good enough. Also...the wait staff is told too.

Easy peasy;)

I couldn't care less if people do not show and I am not told......I am going to have a lovely dinner:p

 

Yikes. :(

It's not a big thing & its not going to spoil anyone's cruise, but you've rolled into one post pretty-well everything that shows disrespect & a lack of common courtesy at table.

 

OK, we all know that it's going to be at least ten minutes after the appointed hour before a table is assembled & ready to order.

But that's logistics, not something for a diner to dictate to their tablemates.

What if someone else sets the deadline as 15 minutes late? Or 20?

What deadline would you consider courteous?

 

If you're going to say "start without us if ...." then how about something like "we may not join you every evening, and that might be a last-minute decision. So if we're not there on time please carry on without us".

Same result but a rather more courteous way of putting it. :)

And that way it doesn't sound like you expect to simply join the meal whenever you choose, though I appreciate that's probably not what you meant.

 

It is the business of your tablemates whether you'll be at the table, for all the reasons given in this thread - and a few more.

 

OK, it's nobody's business what other arrangements you make but is it really such a big deal to say "we're trying Qsine tomorrow evening" or "it's going to be a busy shore day tomorrow, so we'll probably go to the buffet or take room service"

Any reason for that being some kind of big secret?

 

"I do not wish to explain anything to strangers", and the general demeanour of your post tells me that shared tables are not for you.

Hey-ho, mixing with others isn't for everyone. ;)

But please show a little more positivity & courtesy if you are lumbered with a shared table.

 

JB :)

[Luv my furbaby]

Just wanted to let you know that I was not complaining about the fact the waiter asked me where I was - just thought he was curious.

The reason I usually choose traditional dining is that I usually travel solo - so it's nice to see the asme faces. On a cruise earlier this year I had great dinner companions.

The reason I made this post was I was curious as to what others do.

I forgot how passionate cruise critic people get about a topic LOL!

[Mark-Sheffield]

Just wanted to let you know that I was not complaining about the fact the waiter asked me where I was - just thought he was curious.

The reason I usually choose traditional dining is that I usually travel solo - so it's nice to see the asme faces. On a cruise earlier this year I had great dinner companions.

The reason I made this post was I was curious as to what others do.

I forgot how passionate cruise critic people get about a topic LOL!

 

As the OP has said in her original post, she was curious what other cruisers do, which is fair point. But this comes down throughout the thread as a question of good manners, which is always good to see.

[NLH Arizona]

What if someone else sets the deadline as 15 minutes late? Or 20?

What deadline would you consider courteous?

 

 

If someone says if we aren't here after ten minutes go ahead without us, I would go ahead and order when everyone else is at the table, be it on time or five minutes late. There is no way I would wait for a tablemate who would announce this on the first night.

[John Bull]

If someone says if we aren't here after ten minutes go ahead without us, I would go ahead and order when everyone else is at the table, be it on time or five minutes late. There is no way I would wait for a tablemate who would announce this on the first night.

 

Yep. As per my post, the courteous time ("if we're not here by .....") is the assigned time.

And yep - someone dictating any other time would immediately get my back up.

 

JB :)

[lahlah57]

Yikes. :(

It's not a big thing & its not going to spoil anyone's cruise, but you've rolled into one post pretty-well everything that shows disrespect & a lack of common courtesy at table.

 

OK, we all know that it's going to be at least ten minutes after the appointed hour before a table is assembled & ready to order.

But that's logistics, not something for a diner to dictate to their tablemates.

What if someone else sets the deadline as 15 minutes late? Or 20?

What deadline would you consider courteous?

 

If you're going to say "start without us if ...." then how about something like "we may not join you every evening, and that might be a last-minute decision. So if we're not there on time please carry on without us".

Same result but a rather more courteous way of putting it. :)

And that way it doesn't sound like you expect to simply join the meal whenever you choose, though I appreciate that's probably not what you meant.

 

It is the business of your tablemates whether you'll be at the table, for all the reasons given in this thread - and a few more.

 

OK, it's nobody's business what other arrangements you make but is it really such a big deal to say "we're trying Qsine tomorrow evening" or "it's going to be a busy shore day tomorrow, so we'll probably go to the buffet or take room service"

Any reason for that being some kind of big secret?

 

"I do not wish to explain anything to strangers", and the general demeanour of your post tells me that shared tables are not for you.

Hey-ho, mixing with others isn't for everyone. ;)

But please show a little more positivity & courtesy if you are lumbered with a shared table.

 

JB :)

 

Mr Bull....did my first sentence state just that? Couteous and positive.....sheesh!

My first sentence is good enough and not trying to keep A "big secret". We never know what we are going to do from one day to the next or one hour to the next.

And I still do not need to explain anything to strangers.......10 minutes late....start without us.....hmmmmm...sounds good to me:rolleyes:

My demeanor is how you calculate it in "your" head.:D

[lahlah57]

If someone says if we aren't here after ten minutes go ahead without us, I would go ahead and order when everyone else is at the table, be it on time or five minutes late. There is no way I would wait for a tablemate who would announce this on the first night.

 

This one sounds good to me too. After some wine and deciding on my menu I am ready to order...hmmm....about 10 minutes.:D

[notentirelynormal]

This one sounds good to me too. After some wine and deciding on my menu I am ready to order...hmmm....about 10 minutes.:D

 

Except they don't always give you your menu until all are present or take your wine order. That is the whole point of not holding table mates up. Must be one of the reasons I bring my wine with me :D.

[GUT2407]

As the OP has said in her original post, she was curious what other cruisers do, which is fair point. But this comes down throughout the thread as a question of good manners, which is always good to see.

 

What are these good manners of which toy speak, haven't seen much of this creature for many years now.

 

I remember when they were everywhere.

 

No more it seems.

[Sea Green]

On the first nite with our tablemates I announce that if we are 10 minutes late.....feel free to start w/o us.

I do not wish to explain anything to strangers and if we may wish to dine in specialties on any given night.....still no ones business.....if we are tired and want to do room service....still no ones business. T he first nite explanation is good enough. Also...the wait staff is told too.

Easy peasy;)

I couldn't care less if people do not show and I am not told......I am going to have a lovely dinner:p

 

Hmm, so if everyone took your view......if I had a terrible experience at a specialty restaurant, and one of my tablemates said to me "yes, so did we but I didn't mention it because I didn't feel like explaining anything to strangers, and its no-ones business anyway"........ I would think that was an incredibly rude and self serving individual.

 

Do you really find it so hard to make polite conversation?

[lahlah57]

Hmm, so if everyone took your view......if I had a terrible experience at a specialty restaurant, and one of my tablemates said to me "yes, so did we but I didn't mention it because I didn't feel like explaining anything to strangers, and its no-ones business anyway"........ I would think that was an incredibly rude and self serving individual.

 

Do you really find it so hard to make polite conversation?

 

Yes if said out loud.....wow....yes rude!

Again that is why the explanation on the first night....in other words do not always count on us and most everyone "IS" 5 to 10 minutes late in all the cruises I have been on anyways....no ones drawers were ever in a bunch over one anothers dinner "answer to" calls.

If they were not there on any particular night....again....their business!

And I would never ask where they were....that is rude!

[John Bull]

 

.......... OK, we all know that it's going to be at least ten minutes after the appointed hour before a table is assembled & ready to order.

But that's logistics, not something for a diner to dictate to their tablemates.

 

............ how about something like "we may not join you every evening, and that might be a last-minute decision. So if we're not there on time please carry on without us".

Same result but a rather more courteous way of putting it. :)

 

It is the business of your tablemates whether you'll be at the table, for all the reasons given in this thread - and a few more.

 

OK, it's nobody's business what other arrangements you make but is it really such a big deal to say "we're trying Qsine tomorrow evening" or "it's going to be a busy shore day tomorrow, so we'll probably go to the buffet or take room service"

Any reason for that being some kind of big secret?

 

"I do not wish to explain anything to strangers", and the general demeanour of your post tells me that shared tables are not for you.

Hey-ho, mixing with others isn't for everyone. ;)

But please show a little more positivity & courtesy if you are lumbered with a shared table.

 

 

Mr Bull....did my first sentence state just that? Couteous and positive.....sheesh!

My first sentence is good enough and not trying to keep A "big secret". We never know what we are going to do from one day to the next or one hour to the next.

And I still do not need to explain anything to strangers.......10 minutes late....start without us.....hmmmmm...sounds good to me:rolleyes:

My demeanor is how you calculate it in "your" head.:D

 

You just don't get it, do you Lahlah.

Can you truly not see that "start without us if we're 10 minutes late" is exactly the same as saying "wait ten minutes before you start in case we turn up".

And it's not just me that's picked up on that - read the comments of others.

As per my post, it's quite likely to be ten minutes before folk order anyway - but it's how you put it.

Please consider something like my way of putting it - makes a difference to how others perceive you, and first impressions are lasting impressions.

 

No, you don't need to explain anything to strangers.

But yes, if you've booked at a speciality restaurant for next evening yet say nothing to your table-mates (or "the strangers at the table" as you'd put it) you really are making it a silly "big secret".

If Sea Green's hypothetical scenario happened to you, I'd laugh my socks off. :D

 

And even not knowing what you'll be doing doesn't come into it, it's no great sacrifice to pick up the phone or put your head round the MDR door.

But you've already made the point that it's nobody else's business & you don't need to explain anything to strangers.

 

Everyone except family started out as strangers, and I'm guessing there's still quite a lot of strangers in your life.

 

JB :)

[lahlah57]

JB......no you don't get it but that's okay....I can agree to disagree with what your idea is of polite but differences is what makes the world go around......as long as we are not sharing a table on any given cruise...LOL:D

[GottaKnowWhen]

JB......no you don't get it but that's okay....I can agree to disagree with what your idea is of polite but differences is what makes the world go around......as long as we are not sharing a table on any given cruise...LOL:D

 

What I don't understand is why you would ever agree to sit at a table with anyone else? If you are not interested (willing) to have a conversation, share a bit of information, get to know others, allow them to get to know you, then why not just ask for a table for one or two and save yourself from the agony of social interaction and save everyone else from the chance of being at your table? I think the whole point of sharing a table is to get to know others, and that doesn't happen if you treat others as nobodies with whom you don't want to or need to share any "private" information.

Edited October 17, 2015 by GottaKnowWhen

[NLH Arizona]

What I don't understand is why you would ever agree to sit at a table with anyone else? If you are not interested (willing) to have a conversation, share a bit of information, get to know others, allow them to get to know you, then why not just ask for a table for one or two and save yourself from the agony of social interaction and save everyone else from the chance of being at your table? I think the whole point of sharing a table is to get to know others, and that doesn't happen if you treat others as nobodies with whom you don't want to or need to share any "private" information.

 

I was wondering the same thing. If one doesn't want to have conversations/share with others, why not get a table for two. I Think one of the best things about cruising with a line with fixed settings is the social interactions. If one doesn't want to tell their tablemates where they will be eating, just say we won't be joining you tomorrow. I would also think that if someone doesn't converse with the others at the table, they would be omitted from the conversation and might feel very uncomfortable.

Edited October 17, 2015 by NLH Arizona

[Mark-Sheffield]

I think the points about sharing a table have been made in that its the whole point of sitting at a table and enjoying a conversation with people and discussing ports, the ship, gripes about service, etc. And as such in the same way we would always inform staff we wouldn't be there, likewise we would tell our table companions as well. The only exception to this would be if we had decided to book into a different dining venue that day. But we would either ring the MDR or pop in to let the restaurant manager know.

[wyn_wyn1]

You should let your stablemates and the wait serve team know. In this way, they will not delay serving the others thinking you will be dining that evening.:)

[john watson]

You should let your stablemates and the wait serve team know. In this way, they will not delay serving the others thinking you will be dining that evening.:)

 

Whilst I agree with this wyn wyn I am still tempted to say neigh, the air conditioning in the MDR often makes me a little hoarse.

 

Lol John

Edited October 18, 2015 by john watson

[navybankerteacher]

What are these good manners of which toy speak, haven't seen much of this creature for many years now.

 

I remember when they were everywhere.

 

No more it seems.

 

Simply one more endangered species. Human activity seems to have such a negative effect on all things.

[CruisinShips]

I've been on several cruises and I can't remember ever being delayed because others at the table were late or didn't show up. On a ship with a multitude of dining venues, the servers are totally used to people not showing up...or just being late. I have never recalled it being as big a deal as posters in this thread have made it out to be. The waiter comes up, says hello, no one is stressed or staring at their watch. If people aren't there, they typically take our order, and either the others show up before or during the appetizer and it's no big deal, or they don't show, and it's no big deal. I would never expect anything from the "strangers" we are seated with, and I never got the impression anyone expected anything from my group. I happen to be pretty prompt, but if someone shows up late or not at all, my thought is "who cares". Taking it a step further, I know I am a very polite and well mannered person, but it simply wouldn't occur to me to run by or call the MDR as I think either they know if I have reservations at Chops or wherever, nor do I think they would care if I didn't. The servers have fewer people to worry about. And I don't think the stressed out people who may be sitting at my table would be delayed an iota by my opting for one of the other venues the ship expects me to (and hopes I will) try out during the week.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Edited October 18, 2015 by CruisinShips
typos

[LuckyZ]

What I don't understand is why you would ever agree to sit at a table with anyone else? If you are not interested (willing) to have a conversation, share a bit of information, get to know others, allow them to get to know you, then why not just ask for a table for one or two and save yourself from the agony of social interaction and save everyone else from the chance of being at your table? .

 

Good post. I have 2 thoughts on this subject

 

1) maybe it depends on whether we are a table of 4 or more. If it's a table of 4 and you don't show up, the other couple generally then don't have any other dinner companions to talk to so I would tell them we weren't going to be there for dinner.

2) generally speaking you'll never ever see the people you dine with after the cruise is over so you're not dining with close friends,

 

As per a line in a famous song "I can't pretend this stranger is a long awaited friend"