Unfriendly gays on cruises

[zitsky]

38 minutes ago, CDNPolar said:

I don't care, gay, straight, or somewhere on a fluid spectrum, if you are snobbish or angry or whatever, then I just discount you and move on.  I don't feel that anyone needs to, or must be nice with me and especially because of both of us are gay.

 

My husband and I likely come across in poor light because we will "interact" if you approach us but we are not necessarily warm and fuzzy about it.  It has nothing to do with you, and it has everything to do with us, in that we are not overtly social people in this kind of scenario.  We just like to do our thing and we are not on a cruise to make lifelong friends - although we have done that before...

 

We have never made gay friends on a cruise, but we have met some nice solo travelling women and a straight couple from the USA.  We are good with chatting on excursions and maybe sharing a dinner table together, but that is the extent.

 

We have seen lots of gay couples on our cruises, but we never signal them out and approach and we have never been singled out and approached either.

 

Just and opinion and observation.

If that’s your approach, why a cruise where you are surrounded by hundreds of people?  Why not a land tour where you have more privacy?  What do you like about cruising?

[CDNPolar]

4 minutes ago, zitsky said:

If that’s your approach, why a cruise where you are surrounded by hundreds of people?  Why not a land tour where you have more privacy?  What do you like about cruising?

 

With no offence intended, I find this an interesting question?

 

In fact if you go on a land tour - that is organized - it does not give you more privacy, it puts you in the middle of a small group every minute of the day.  We have and will do this as this is a choice.  Our recent Nile cruise we were a ship of 70 people broken into 3 groups that traveled everyday together on the excursions.  We chatted with people but did not come off that trip with any ongoing contacts or connections.

 

We go to shopping malls and are surrounded by hundreds of people but don't target people to talk to and make friends with.

 

We go on cruises - Viking specifically - because we enjoy unpacking once and visiting many destinations that we would never fly to directly.  We also enjoy the fact that we know the level of "luxury" we will have with our cabin and we love this. We enjoy cruising for the service and - again Viking - for the resident historians and the learning that comes from this type of cruising.  We go on cruises for the food and knowing that everything that we need is included.  We cruise to get a taste for certain destinations that again, we would never fly to directly, but then may decide that yes, we want to go back there to dig into the destination more...

 

I think that everyone cruises for different reasons, but our primary reason is not to meet others.  That does not make us monsters or outcasts, it is just not our primary focus.  We have met many people over the years cruising...  a few we have kept in partial touch with via email, and one couple we have traveled with many times since meeting them.  

 

For us, if it happens, it happens.  We however don't get up each day and spend our days networking around the ship....

 

Hope that answers your question.

[Geomke]

PRINCESS NOT LGBT FRIENDLY ‘corporate’ cancelled my massage as I requested male masseur. Reserved on line; 800 line confirmed; advised to request to spa upon boarding; did so - upon arriving @day advised Corp policy does not allow male client request masseur. Male-female✔️; female to female✔️; female to male✔️  unsponsored LGBT ‘event’ in large bar with absolutely no way to determine if event occurring- no discrete flag.. nada.  

[zitsky]

10 minutes ago, Geomke said:

PRINCESS NOT LGBT FRIENDLY ‘corporate’ cancelled my massage as I requested male masseur. Reserved on line; 800 line confirmed; advised to request to spa upon boarding; did so - upon arriving @day advised Corp policy does not allow male client request masseur. Male-female✔️; female to female✔️; female to male✔️  unsponsored LGBT ‘event’ in large bar with absolutely no way to determine if event occurring- no discrete flag.. nada.  

Please post proof of this policy.  Thanks.

[CruiseMsclDad]

1 hour ago, Geomke said:

PRINCESS NOT LGBT FRIENDLY ‘corporate’ cancelled my massage as I requested male masseur. Reserved on line; 800 line confirmed; advised to request to spa upon boarding; did so - upon arriving @day advised Corp policy does not allow male client request masseur. Male-female✔️; female to female✔️; female to male✔️  unsponsored LGBT ‘event’ in large bar with absolutely no way to determine if event occurring- no discrete flag.. nada.  

I have never had an issue yet about having a male therapist on any cruise line, as long as one was on staff. I am sorry you had this experience, I have only have had good experiences with Princess, this is awful what you experienced. Thinking back I have only ever requested one once I was aboard, again sorry this happened to you.

Mitch

[At7Seas]

4 hours ago, Geomke said:

Corp policy does not allow male client request masseur.

 

Very bad experience, this should not happen! But just to clarify: Princess does not operate the spa. I am not aware of any cruise line doing this. Princess as many from Azamara to Crystal, Windstar to NCL, Royal Caribbean to Virgin and so on have their spas run by One Spa World. So the question to address to the spa manager is very understandable, since Princess has no possibility to determine the operation of the spa in detail, cannot even guarantee that a male masseur is aboard the ship. I‘d suggest to confront One Spa World with your experience and complain with Carnival Corporation & Plc as owner of Princess, since it is the largest single contract partner of One Spa World at sea and the spa company shouldn‘t scare away their cruise guests.

 

4 hours ago, Geomke said:

unsponsored LGBT ‘event’ in large bar with absolutely no way to determine if event occurring

 

Regarding the sometimes thoughtfully planned gatherings and the sometimes completely useless announcements even on ships of the same line I have the idea that it depends on the level knowledge of staff aboard. When someone just knows that he has to schedule a time and no further information - or personal experience - this might be the result. I am happy when I am treated as all the other human beings, don't need massive decorations on a cruise, but at least a bit of visibility should be, may it just be used to enable navigation to the right place.

[leishirsute]

We tend to cruise on the Viking small ships and have met very friendly people, mostly straight and wanting a fun trip just like us.

[zitsky]

42 minutes ago, leishirsute said:

We tend to cruise on the Viking small ships and have met very friendly people, mostly straight and wanting a fun trip just like us.

What is your definition of a fun trip???  Hmm.

[CDNPolar]

11 hours ago, zitsky said:

What is your definition of a fun trip???  Hmm.

 

I am not the one that you are asking, but my husband and I are the same.  We like the small ships and look for others to meet and interact with that are looking for a fun trip too.

 

What is a fun trip for us?  Meeting good and nice people that are interesting.  They don't have to be gay and in fact we have only met one gay couple on a Viking smaller ship and frankly they were so pretentious that after sharing one lunch with them we avoided them for the rest of the cruise.

 

Fun for us is much more quiet than perhaps for others.  We are a very quiet couple.

[Europecruising]

Interesting post, and I agree!  

I have an upcoming cruise but it reminded me of my last cruise earlier this year.  I sometimes travel alone because I'm a casino guest and often the cruises are too long for companions to get off work.  On my last cruise there were several gay male couples..... they were pretty much all unfriendly, stuck up and sometimes bordering on rude.  (Trust me none of them were exactly raving beauties so I had no ulterior motives.)  

Luckily I met one of the dancers (not an American) on the ship so I unexpectedly had some good company!  Other than that I made friends with a few lovely straight couples but the gays were beyond awful.  I wasn't looking to hang out or impinge on anyone's time, but some common courtesy and even a casual greeting would have sufficed.

I did try my best in an unobtrusive way.  Very disappointing.

[zitsky]

1 minute ago, Europecruising said:

Interesting post, and I agree!  

I have an upcoming cruise but it reminded me of my last cruise earlier this year.  I sometimes travel alone because I'm a casino guest and often the cruises are too long for companions to get off work.  On my last cruise there were several gay male couples..... they were pretty much all unfriendly, stuck up and sometimes bordering on rude.  (Trust me none of them were exactly raving beauties so I had no ulterior motives.)  

Luckily I met one of the dancers (not an American) on the ship so I unexpectedly had some good company!  Other than that I made friends with a few lovely straight couples but the gays were beyond awful.  I wasn't looking to hang out or impinge on anyone's time, but some common courtesy and even a casual greeting would have sufficed.

I did try my best in an unobtrusive way.  Very disappointing.

So how did you interact and try to meet these couples?  Hi my name is Mike, shake hands or Hey that’s a nice shirt etc?

 

I’m not always sure singles WANT to talk to couples.  So it’s good to be reminded.

[CDNPolar]

16 hours ago, Europecruising said:

Interesting post, and I agree!  

I have an upcoming cruise but it reminded me of my last cruise earlier this year.  I sometimes travel alone because I'm a casino guest and often the cruises are too long for companions to get off work.  On my last cruise there were several gay male couples..... they were pretty much all unfriendly, stuck up and sometimes bordering on rude.  (Trust me none of them were exactly raving beauties so I had no ulterior motives.)  

Luckily I met one of the dancers (not an American) on the ship so I unexpectedly had some good company!  Other than that I made friends with a few lovely straight couples but the gays were beyond awful.  I wasn't looking to hang out or impinge on anyone's time, but some common courtesy and even a casual greeting would have sufficed.

I did try my best in an unobtrusive way.  Very disappointing.

 

Here is the deal... We have often seen other gay male couples and female couples on the ships that we have been on.  

 

We all know what Gaydar is and with some of these couples the gaydar is screaming off the charts!  Haha.  But we have found them "pretentious" to the point where when we have (or I have) started to make a recognition move, they will divert their eyes and move the opposite direction!  To me it was obvious that they were not interested at all in talking or even making contact of any kind.  You could watch them moving in and out of breakfast and lunch in the buffet area and to me it looked like they were intentionally avoiding any kind of eye contact.  Fair enough... you don't want to talk, I don't need to talk to you.

 

On our Antarctica cruise last year, we met a lesbian couple together for 30+ years and had some nice conversations with them.  We chatted with a lesbian couple a few times on our recent Egypt Nile cruise, but we were in a separate excursion group with them so only came across them at the port talk or evening event sometimes....  

 

We have made contact with many straight couples on almost every cruise that we have been on and some of these relationships have continued past the cruise, but so far no gay couples.

I don't know what it is, but maybe they feel they will be more "obvious" if they are associated with other gay guys?  Heck, they were screaming all by themselves....    And, I don't think that we are hidden in plain sight, but we are not obvious because of our difference in age and cultural background and we are pretty "quietly gay".  Haha

[CDNPolar]

16 hours ago, zitsky said:

So how did you interact and try to meet these couples?  Hi my name is Mike, shake hands or Hey that’s a nice shirt etc?

 

I’m not always sure singles WANT to talk to couples.  So it’s good to be reminded.

 

For us, what we have found to be the best time to "make friends" is either sit by someone at the bar, or on an excursion together.  When you are walking and wandering during an excursion, it seems to be the best time and place.

 

The other thing that sometimes happens on a Viking Cruise is they have an LGBTQ+ get together one night, and I would assume that anyone that attends that would be open to meeting and chatting. 

 

We have never attended, and Viking does not always host one automatically.  I think you have to ask for one to be scheduled.

[zitsky]

1 hour ago, CDNPolar said:

 

Here is the deal... We have often seen other gay male couples and female couples on the ships that we have been on.  

 

We all know what Gaydar is and with some of these couples the gaydar is screaming off the charts!  Haha.  But we have found them "pretentious" to the point where when we have (or I have) started to make a recognition move, they will divert their eyes and move the opposite direction!  To me it was obvious that they were not interested at all in talking or even making contact of any kind.  You could watch them moving in and out of breakfast and lunch in the buffet area and to me it looked like they were intentionally avoiding any kind of eye contact.  Fair enough... you don't want to talk, I don't need to talk to you.

 

On our Antarctica cruise last year, we met a lesbian couple together for 30+ years and had some nice conversations with them.  We chatted with a lesbian couple a few times on our recent Egypt Nile cruise, but we were in a separate excursion group with them so only came across them at the port talk or evening event sometimes....  

 

We have made contact with many straight couples on almost every cruise that we have been on and some of these relationships have continued past the cruise, but so far no gay couples.

I don't know what it is, but maybe they feel they will be more "obvious" if they are associated with other gay guys?  Heck, they were screaming all by themselves....    And, I don't think that we are hidden in plain sight, but we are not obvious because of our difference in age and cultural background and we are pretty "quietly gay".  Haha

Maybe you shouldn’t walk up to them and ask “Barbra Streisand or Bette Midler”?  🥸

 

We will address this topic at the next gay couples meeting.  Maybe we should change our policy.  We’ll take a vote.

 

Sorry about your experience.

[CDNPolar]

Actually, we are very much to each their own.  

 

We don't make "the first move" 99.9% of the time.  If someone approaches us we are happy to talk and interact, and if not, then we just stay to ourselves.

 

But, as I mentioned, when you are on excursion and you are spending 3 hours, 5 hours, or longer on a bus and in and out of sites, sometimes the conversation just starts because of the time and closeness of the situation.  

 

We will take a table for 4 in the buffet but rarely does someone approach to share.  This has only happened a couple of times when the seating was extremely full.

 

For dinner, if we are travelling alone, we ask for a table for 2.

 

On an upcoming River cruise, we understand that all tables are share of at least 4 so we will be forced to interact.  Let's see what happens!  (Don't mistake the "forced" to interact comment, we are happy to)

[zitsky]

7 minutes ago, CDNPolar said:

Actually, we are very much to each their own.  

 

We don't make "the first move" 99.9% of the time.  If someone approaches us we are happy to talk and interact, and if not, then we just stay to ourselves.

 

But, as I mentioned, when you are on excursion and you are spending 3 hours, 5 hours, or longer on a bus and in and out of sites, sometimes the conversation just starts because of the time and closeness of the situation.  

 

We will take a table for 4 in the buffet but rarely does someone approach to share.  This has only happened a couple of times when the seating was extremely full.

 

For dinner, if we are travelling alone, we ask for a table for 2.

 

On an upcoming River cruise, we understand that all tables are share of at least 4 so we will be forced to interact.  Let's see what happens!  (Don't mistake the "forced" to interact comment, we are happy to)

Well I was on a NCL cruise five years ago where other couples didn’t talk to us.  Then we met a couple on our last Celebrity cruise.

 

But I’m struck by your comment.

 

”99% of the time we don’t start a conversation.”

 

So you don’t understand why people don’t talk to you?

 

The other times I can understand.  How do you start conversations when on an excursion or on a tour bus?

[CDNPolar]

17 minutes ago, zitsky said:

Well I was on a NCL cruise five years ago where other couples didn’t talk to us.  Then we met a couple on our last Celebrity cruise.

 

But I’m struck by your comment.

 

”99% of the time we don’t start a conversation.”

 

So you don’t understand why people don’t talk to you?

 

The other times I can understand.  How do you start conversations when on an excursion or on a tour bus?

 

Sorry, let me try to explain.

 

Just on and about the ship, we don't go looking for opportunities to start a conversation with someone.  Neither of us is the "outgoing" type that talks to everyone, but we are more than happy to respond and carry a conversation if someone else starts it.  This is again on or about the ship.  If we go to the lounge just the two of us, we sit by ourselves and chat and do our thing.

 

The couple that we met on our first cruise together we have been friends with since and we have traveled together many times now.  They approached us the first day at the bar, and it just went from there.  One half of this couple is the one that talks to everyone and knows many many people at the end of a cruise.  We are just very quiet.

 

On our recent Egypt cruise, we were broken into three groups of 20'ish and this 20 was on the same bus and together with the same guide every day.  It just started with good mornings being said most days because you saw the same faces everyday and as sometimes happens, everyone sits in the same seat on the bus.  Conversations just seem to start to happen out of the familiarity of being together every day in a smaller group.

[zitsky]

4 minutes ago, CDNPolar said:

 

Sorry, let me try to explain.

 

Just on and about the ship, we don't go looking for opportunities to start a conversation with someone.  Neither of us is the "outgoing" type that talks to everyone, but we are more than happy to respond and carry a conversation if someone else starts it.  This is again on or about the ship.  If we go to the lounge just the two of us, we sit by ourselves and chat and do our thing.

 

The couple that we met on our first cruise together we have been friends with since and we have traveled together many times now.  They approached us the first day at the bar, and it just went from there.  One half of this couple is the one that talks to everyone and knows many many people at the end of a cruise.  We are just very quiet.

 

On our recent Egypt cruise, we were broken into three groups of 20'ish and this 20 was on the same bus and together with the same guide every day.  It just started with good mornings being said most days because you saw the same faces everyday and as sometimes happens, everyone sits in the same seat on the bus.  Conversations just seem to start to happen out of the familiarity of being together every day in a smaller group.

You don’t need to apologize.  I’m glad you met people.

 

I am introverted but I learned if you want to meet people, you have to reach out.  But it does not always work.

 

We once were on Viking and sat with the same group many times.  Nice people but I came away with not a single email address or phone number.

Edited July 14, 2023 by zitsky

[RickinNYC]

My husband and I have never met any truly unfriendly gay singles or couples.  Some might want to be left alone and that's cool.  Rest assured, friendly as I an, I still absolutely love my "me" time.  Some folks tend to be very shy or have social anxiety, which can come across as "stuck up."  Who knows?  I can say that neither of us are remotely shy, both very outgoing, and happy to meet and chat with anyone, gay or straight.  But we also are very cognizant that sometimes people don't want to chat or whatever.  And that's totally ok and not for us/me to figure out why.

 

I do recall on one of my solo cruises several years ago, I was at one of the bars when it was fairly empty.  I was sipping a martini and clearly reading my Kindle. I was admittedly really into the book (huge reader here).  A guy sat next to me and immediately struck up a conversation.  I didn't close up my Kindle but chatted briefly, was polite, and when there was a lull, I started reading again.  He noticed.  Another guy sat next to him, and "lo and behold" it was his husband.  They stage whispered to each other that it figured the "pretty boy was into himself".  *****?  I closed my Kindle, smiled, and said "nope, not into myself.  I was reading (waggled my Kindle towards them) and was in the middle of a good part of the book."  They were clearly embarrassed when I called them out and moved away.

 

Saw them later on and the original guy called out to me "read any good books lately?" with a smile.  Ended up chatting and having cocktails with them the rest of the cruise.  Nice guys that made the wrong assumptions.  

It's easy to assume someone is stuck-up or conceited, when the reality can be far, far different.  Don't make assumptions.

 

Edited July 28, 2023 by RickinNYC

[CruiseMsclDad]

On 7/28/2023 at 12:23 PM, RickinNYC said:

My husband and I have never met any truly unfriendly gay singles or couples.  Some might want to be left alone and that's cool.  Rest assured, friendly as I an, I still absolutely love my "me" time.  Some folks tend to be very shy or have social anxiety, which can come across as "stuck up."  Who knows?  I can say that neither of us are remotely shy, both very outgoing, and happy to meet and chat with anyone, gay or straight.  But we also are very cognizant that sometimes people don't want to chat or whatever.  And that's totally ok and not for us/me to figure out why.

 

I do recall on one of my solo cruises several years ago, I was at one of the bars when it was fairly empty.  I was sipping a martini and clearly reading my Kindle. I was admittedly really into the book (huge reader here).  A guy sat next to me and immediately struck up a conversation.  I didn't close up my Kindle but chatted briefly, was polite, and when there was a lull, I started reading again.  He noticed.  Another guy sat next to him, and "lo and behold" it was his husband.  They stage whispered to each other that it figured the "pretty boy was into himself".  *****?  I closed my Kindle, smiled, and said "nope, not into myself.  I was reading (waggled my Kindle towards them) and was in the middle of a good part of the book."  They were clearly embarrassed when I called them out and moved away.

 

Saw them later on and the original guy called out to me "read any good books lately?" with a smile.  Ended up chatting and having cocktails with them the rest of the cruise.  Nice guys that made the wrong assumptions.  

It's easy to assume someone is stuck-up or conceited, when the reality can be far, far different.  Don't make assumptions.

 

Thank you for sharing, its a good lesson. When I am sitting alone in the bar of by the pool and I am just relaxing and not really thinking of anything, guys will say I look angry, and I am not its just my face sometimes looks like that when I am thinking, it is great when guys will encounter me later on the ship and they basically give me a second chance by saying hello.

[zitsky]

8 hours ago, CruiseMsclDad said:

Thank you for sharing, its a good lesson. When I am sitting alone in the bar of by the pool and I am just relaxing and not really thinking of anything, guys will say I look angry, and I am not its just my face sometimes looks like that when I am thinking, it is great when guys will encounter me later on the ship and they basically give me a second chance by saying hello.

Resting B—-h Face.  I’m starting a collection to help people afflicted with this condition.

Edited July 30, 2023 by zitsky

[CDNPolar]

2 hours ago, zitsky said:

Resting B—-h Face.  I’m starting a collection to help people afflicted with this condition.

 

Love this... I have often - in earlier years when I went to bars and clubs - been told that I looked unapproachable and stuck up.  I am just not one that sits and smiles all the time!  Haha.  I am very happy on the inside, I guess it just does not flow outward.
 

[CruiseMsclDad]

3 hours ago, zitsky said:

Resting B—-h Face.  I’m starting a collection to help people afflicted with this condition.

Trust me! I swear I not mad! I just suffer from RBF 🙂 Any help would be appreciated 🙂

[CruiseMsclDad]

1 hour ago, CDNPolar said:

 

Love this... I have often - in earlier years when I went to bars and clubs - been told that I looked unapproachable and stuck up.  I am just not one that sits and smiles all the time!  Haha.  I am very happy on the inside, I guess it just does not flow outward.
 

Agree completely!

[zitsky]

2 hours ago, CDNPolar said:

 

Love this... I have often - in earlier years when I went to bars and clubs - been told that I looked unapproachable and stuck up.  I am just not one that sits and smiles all the time!  Haha.  I am very happy on the inside, I guess it just does not flow outward.
 

I didn’t smile because I had bad teeth.  Now fixed but I still find it strange to smile.  Feels fake.