.......idle jottings

[ho-hum]

The peasants are gathering outside Hum Manor.

An ugly mob.

An ugly situation.

Hum, ever the shrewd manipulator of public opinion (taught Simon Cowell all he knew) will release the next setion ahead of time.

Almost a full 12 hours ahead.

 

Next

[editor@cruisecritic]

Laughing, Jim Avery, had the same thought.

 

Carolyn

 

Carolyn Spencer Brown

Editor in Chief

Cruise Critic

 

Right you are. By the time the actual "review" starts, Esprit will have been retired from old age!:eek::D

[ho-hum]

Laughing, Jim Avery, had the same thought.

 

Carolyn

 

Carolyn Spencer Brown

Editor in Chief

Cruise Critic

 

May Hum respectfully remind you Queen Caroline that Hum's pieces are finely honed, rigorously checked and all that kinda good stuff !

They are not pumped out "willy-nilly"

No "nilly" to be found here and certainly no ..... (No that sounds a bit ....)

 

Jim sorry, forgot it's the Trump rally tonight then you are off for a few beers with the gun club crowd.

So here it is.

[ho-hum]

Crystal Esprit. 2: Shoreside Management

Finally something to get your teeth into.

No not a section ever considered worthy of feedback by those that "dish out" those wholly useless questionnaires and never both reading them.

No, this is directed at the Company themselves.

The land based operation who mostly do not have a ruddy clue about ship life and make the dumbest of policies with no regard to their clientele but designed only to rake in "filthy lucca" with no regard to loyal clientele.

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant didn't it.

Must get medication checked.

 

SHORESIDE MANAGEMENT (booking, information, policies, communication etc ......)

When making enquiries to book we were told (via our wonderful TA: Lady Natalie) by Crystal, that preference would be given to Crystal Society members first.

Rather dismissive of new non-Crystal customers we thought.

Wasn't the whole idea of CE, to attract new non-Crystal customers ?

Otherwise it would simply be taking customers from their "big ship" fleet but what does Hum know ?

Still, it seems mighty odd to old Hummy (baby).

 

A week later we were offered a place !

How very generous of them !

So sorry that our squalid payment of $9,000 is making a mess of your bank account (please note the heavy sarcasm).

And the reason: it is just not that popular !

That's the truth !!!

The plain fact of it !!

Well not in the Seychelles anyways (the Med bookings are looking much brighter).

It's too far for most Americans and those that love Crystal, mainly love the "big ships" (God forbid ! Hum's worst nightmare ! Now told you Hum is telling it from a personal viewpoint).

There were 46 passengers on our voyage including two well behaved children (over 10 years of age) and quite a few likely to be on a good discount (no, of course Hum ain't goin' to tell you).

So that reduces it to only 41 full paying guests (at the most).

We understand it has been around this number for quite a while.

2/3 capacity is bad.

Hum's early opinions are (surprisingly) well founded. Pity Hum's share hunches are so bad (Chinese horse fertiliser plants just did'nt meet expectations).

Everybody we met onboard had never been on any Crystal vessel before either.

 

So apart from the initial "uppity" attitude, the booking went through smoothly (unlike SD which can be arduous at times: possibly exacerbated because we do quite a few voyages and it all get's quite fraught and complicated).

Thank Gawd for our amazing TA lady who is fearless and relentless in caring for us despite what SD throw at us.

However chatting to Blondie, she said that Crystal were not so amazing.

They made a right fuss of changing cabins and their was a long chain of command: so quite corporate then after all (only to be expected really).

In SD's defence, Hum would say, Hum could just pick up the phone and call a "head honcho" in Oslo or Miami just like that and they are all very nice too !

In fact a "head honcho" from Oslo called Hum mid-Atlantic to discuss a horrible incident (nothing to do with SD, Hum would add).

Hum will never forget this and was very impressed.

Look the people at SD shoreside management are honest, good, kind people who are wholly committed in their careers and life to the company and have been in those positions for decades. If something horrible goes wrong they honourably recompense you. They are great guys ! Unfortunately .... no Hum's said too much. Hum owes them some return loyalty.

One other thing, the company really do care for the crew and the crew really do respect the company. Yes there can be problems but Hum has never heard any "bad mouthing" ! Now that, is remarkable !

 

Travel documents arrive in good time and are "swish" with everything you need to know (SD's is less celubrious or extensive but sufficient except they never show a port map which drives Hum insane !).

 

Crystal website is not as nice as SD's but it is extremely comprehensive regarding information but very complicated due to the number of their ruddy ships.

SD's website is user friendly and covers the important stuff; heck they only have two small ships ! Waddya expect ?8

 

We like Crystal's policy on children.

SD simply don't have one which means you never how many of the "little darlings" there might be.

A famous regular and legend of the SD forum coined it, the $10K gamble !

This is one of SD's worst faults.

Well that and they don't "talk" much to guests, keeping passengers informed etc...(and Hum does not include self serving, publicity as keeping people informed; it is mainly just publicity "blah-blah").

 

Pre-arranging boarding online is wonderful with Crystal.

SD do not have this facility; they are smaller, so not reasonably expected.

What is expected is that booking would be more personable 'cos they know you very well but actually it is generally awful.

It is good onboard but by the time it reaches shoreside management, the problems and petty arrangements begin !(again) !

Hum had a few questions and made online enquiries direct to Crystal and the butler: clear and comprehensive replies received after a little wait in a chummy manner. Getting information from SD shoreside management is mostly extremely frustrating and can take ages

Hum's "pet grumble" is not having a map of the port of embarkation.

Anybody who has travelled with an idiot taxi driver will sympathise.

SD have actually in-correctly stated the port on a few occasions too !

Crystal provided a map !

It was basic but it gave you a "fighting chance" of finding the ruddy ship !

So Hallelujah !

No excuse for taxi driver to take you to another port and then charge you for the part wasted journey whilst Hum and Blondie are arguing and blaming one another in the back seat !

Not a great start to a holiday (or vacation as our American cousins say).

 

CONCLUSION

- the one bane in Hum's cruising life is SD shoreside management (bookings, avoidance of communication and just recently, Hum considers them partially abandoning their loyal customers). Things are currently at a really low ebb and yet Hum can talk to some of the "head honchos": unfortunately none that can satisfy Hum.

- the lack of a children policy on SD has to be reflected (with a full 4 point deduction) as it could mar a vacation. Much less likely to cause issues on CE where the policy is tighter. Both ships are wholly un-suitable for children but selfish parents wont care about that trivial detail. Oh and dont start writing in and say how your darling 4 year old simply enjoys every second onboard and other passengers simply adore him/her/it. No one will believe ya baby ! But you can console yourself. It's not the child we all hate: it's YOU and the cruise company that allowed it simply to add to their "coffers". Damn them.

- The shoreside management on CE is ok-ish but a tad slow yet they have policies, booking was straightforward eventually and communication is fine-ish.

 

SCORES

- CE: 13/15

- SD: 8/15

 

So Crystal take a healthy early lead ........ that 4 point deduction for a lack of a children's policy did the real damage to SD !

Will they ever learn ?

Haha

"No Mr. Bond I wont you to die !"

Ooops slipped into a parallel world there.

 

Of course not.

 

Next instalment of this gripping review which has gone viral (yes 3 people have read it: ok, one twice) soon.

There may be witty reposts in between, depending on abuse hurled at Hum.

[ho-hum]

You call that a reward, Pilgrim????

 

Right you are. By the time the actual "review" starts, Esprit will have been retired from old age!:eek::D

 

Haha ...... good ones Butch !!!

Love 'em.

 

One casualty though !

Queen Carolyn is in fits of laughter at your quips.

There's no one at the helm !

 

Aaah but the "Moderators" are still about !

Aaaaahhh

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

"depending on abuse hurled at Hum."

 

New ...ij readers, please keep in mind that the regular critics on this thread are but stunted jackals, attempting to nip at the heels of a great stallion gamboling about in the great flower-studded field of life.

[Keith1010]

Ho-Hum........Enjoying your approach to scoring and reviewing Esprit and yes, SD too.

 

Keith

[ho-hum]

Ho-Hum........Enjoying your approach to scoring and reviewing Esprit and yes, SD too.

 

Keith

 

Always the gentleman (are you listening "smarty pants") .... ..... thanks for your most appreciated support, Lord Keith.

Kindest regards

HH

[TrulyBlonde]

Always the gentleman (are you listening "smarty pants") .... ..... thanks for your most appreciated support, Lord Keith.

Kindest regards

HH

 

Hum, enjoying your review and will read it here because it is a friendlier place. It seem as a newbie to Crystal, "smarty pants" and "elitist" do not care for your humor on "their" board.

 

Trump and Hump are very similar in style, with Hump being much more eloquent, of course. You both get your point across.

 

You really need to spend some time at Trump's Mara Lago in Palm Beach. He throws the most lavish parties, and you would fit right in.

 

Send more soon!

[Jim Avery]

Trump and Hump are very similar in style, with Hump being much more eloquent, of course. You both get your point across.

 

You really need to spend some time at Trump's Mara Lago in Palm Beach. He throws the most lavish parties, and you would fit right in.

 

Send more soon!

 

And the hair is similar as well...:D

[Jim Avery]

Haha ...... good ones Butch !!!

Love 'em.

 

One casualty though !

Queen Carolyn is in fits of laughter at your quips.

There's no one at the helm !

 

Aaah but the "Moderators" are still about !

Aaaaahhh

 

Queen Carolyn is a woman of impeccable taste. And sorry to be late to the party. Vegas is but a short drive from Rancho Avery but I was overcome with the free tequila (remember, Sundance, AKA Ragnar, is the beer baron) at the Trump victory ball and Jimbo always being a law and order type spent the night in the car rather than drive home impaired. Going "home" from the TOY Bar to deck 2 is another kettle of fish altogether. I digress, your belated start to your review is tops! Keep up the good work. No electricians, no pub lunches with Dame J, in fact no sleeping until you complete your opus. What's next????:D

[kathyanddanny]

Right you are. By the time the actual "review" starts, Esprit will have been retired from old age!:eek::D

 

Jim, hahaha...:D

[gcmv]

Trump and Hump are very similar in style,

And the hair is similar as well...:D

 

Do you really think so?

 

In my opinion Trump's barnet is much more well-kept. Hum has more a Afro hairdo; looks like hum has seen the barber for the last time, when Queen Elisabeth was born ... :D

[Jim Avery]

Always the gentleman (are you listening "smarty pants") .... ..... thanks for your most appreciated support, Lord Keith.

Kindest regards

HH

 

Keith is always good company wherever you encounter him. Some of the others over at "That Other Board" remind me of the flamers on Princess Board. Don't say anything out of the norm over there!:eek::D

[Jim Avery]

Do you really think so?

 

In my opinion Trump's barnet is much more well-kept. Hum has more a Afro hairdo; looks like hum has seen the barber for the last time, when Queen Elisabeth was born ... :D

 

I think you are right. And the color is quite different (though Mr. T changes his regularly). And Hum has a certain glow.:eek:

[kathyanddanny]

Ho Hum, Thank you for including Danny and I in your dedication... That's awfully sweet of you! 😊

Love the review so far! We are very interested if it's worth a two day travel experience to board the CE. Does Blondie agree with most or all of your opinions on the review? Or should we just speak to her instead? Ha!

Keep it coming! We are spellbound! :D

[ho-hum]

"depending on abuse hurled at Hum."

 

New ...ij readers, please keep in mind that the regular critics on this thread are but stunted jackals, attempting to nip at the heels of a great stallion gamboling about in the great flower-studded field of life.

 

Haha

Oh Raggy, dear friend, the haters are out there, sure enough.

A pathetic pair of pansy ass punks.

Waiting for permission to crush mercilessly.

Don't say a word to Mongo !

We were finding body parts for days.

[ho-hum]

Hum, enjoying your review and will read it here because it is a friendlier place. It seem as a newbie to Crystal, "smarty pants" and "elitist" do not care for your humor on "their" board.

 

Trump and Hump are very similar in style, with Hump being much more eloquent, of course. You both get your point across.

 

You really need to spend some time at Trump's Mara Lago in Palm Beach. He throws the most lavish parties, and you would fit right in.

 

Send more soon!

 

The more you post, the more we love ya over here.

Hum can deal with those pair of pansy ass punks.

More just moments away.

Vote Hump

[ho-hum]

Ho Hum, Thank you for including Danny and I in your dedication... That's awfully sweet of you! 😊

Love the review so far! We are very interested if it's worth a two day travel experience to board the CE. Does Blondie agree with most or all of your opinions on the review? Or should we just speak to her instead? Ha!

Keep it coming! We are spellbound! :D

 

She proof reads it first. Removes all the swearing and bad language. Heck aint much left by the time its finished !

But yep she agrees.

[TrulyBlonde]

The more you post, the more we love ya over here.

Hum can deal with those pair of pansy ass punks.

More just moments away.

Vote Hump

 

By the Way...they do not live in the "Posh Part" of Florida ;-)

[ho-hum]

Do you really think so?

 

In my opinion Trump's barnet is much more well-kept. Hum has more a Afro hairdo; looks like hum has seen the barber for the last time, when Queen Elisabeth was born ... :D

 

Who remembered your frigging 90th birthday GCMV ?

Who wished you a frigging happy 90th birthday GCMV ?

And you repay Hum's kindness and accuse Hum as having an "un-kempt Affro" !!

Heck even Afro people dont have Afros, well not since 1972 !

Obviously the last time you went out to a disco !

Really GCMV !

Hum's hair has been likened to the virile Greek: Alexander the Great !

Only Hum is taller.

 

I think you are right. And the color is quite different (though Mr. T changes his regularly). And Hum has a certain glow.:eek:

 

Thankyou Jim ..... you're not the first to mention the glow though.

It's the halo you know and when Hum bends over, a bright light comes from his ....

Edited February 24, 2016 by ho-hum

[ganttc]

Hum....I'm so desperate, I'd even take your hair.

[ho-hum]

Hum....I'm so desperate, I'd even take your hair.

 

Oh my that is desperate sweets !!!

 

Hear that GCMV .....gantts wants Hum's hair !!

 

Just running the draft by the lawyers and should be done in about an hour. It's 8.00pm here in the Seychells and the butler has just brought din-din (of course with champagne !). Give Hum 90 minutes. Back to work with you !

[kathyanddanny]

Oh my that is desperate sweets !!!

 

Hear that GCMV .....gantts wants Hum's hair !!

 

Just running the draft by the lawyers and should be done in about an hour. It's 8.00pm here in the Seychells and the butler has just brought din-din (of course with champagne !). Give Hum 90 minutes. Back to work with you !

 

Ho Hum , Blondie! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!...are the Seychelles as Beautiful as they say!?...or are all those travel magazines photo shopped!? :rolleyes:

[ho-hum]

Ho Hum , Blondie! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!...are the Seychelles as Beautiful as they say!?...or are all those travel magazines photo shopped!? :rolleyes:

 

No Kathy, they are the prettiest but boy oh boy the humidity !!!

Akarumba !!!

But you like that stuff dont you ?

 

See you beeen a "whippin' a....." on two uppity "ladies".

Haha

 

We should follow Jim's lead and take the higher ground.....no not to drop a rock from a great height !!!

Haha