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After-Action Report, Victory, May 8-11, 2014

HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn
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Writerfl

Writerfl

Posted
Posted

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this review. No, really, I can't tell you. The lawyers say that would violate my parole conditions. Suffice it to say that I've become a virtual prisoner of Cruisecritic, constantly checking for the latest installment of HYKGOML vs. The World, and am saddened, shocked, devastated and bereft now that the saga has come to a suspiciously abrupt end.

 

Did the lawyers get to you, too?

 

I loved it. And can't wait for the next one.

 

Jeff

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sjn911

sjn911

Posted
Posted (edited)

However you two re inspired,,,it has been great either way...I did my lawn with my dad this am,,,feeling the stay off energy...as well as some weed and feed to finish off the first spray..I pray each weed..try not to pull until really dead..this is the do it yourself plan..a small yard still takes me about 90 minutes to 2 hrs alone..dad and i cut it in half..with a little trimming and spraying each time..tree issues this year..the previous idiot planted some stupid trees in pack for the lawn,..sigh,,but it looks ok..in the top 30 percent anyway...until tree shoot plan..once a week and i can handle it..gotta be good..I am sure all these details were just superb on this review..important non related minutia brought on by your screen name..and my little garden lawn affected by others weeding...or not for a a couple of years...sigh....Sarah

Edited by sjn911
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Pic Chick

Pic Chick

Posted
Posted

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pic Chick

And how exactly was this accomplished? I've tried this method several time with no bracelet availed with Nydney1 He either misses that I WANT THIS ONE! Or blissfully ignores that I WANT THIS ONE!

 

You need to create the everlasting bond that can only occur between true soulmates.

 

You'll also need a lot of candles, silly outfits, a goat named Steve, a steak knife, and ... Well, it's complicated.

 

 

I told her to name the got Steve, but would she listen. Noooo!

 

Ok so- everlasting bond...check. Right Nydney1?:D

Candles- quit using my hydrangea ones cause he likes apple and vanilla only.

Silly outfits-- I think a 'check' will have to suffice.

Steve the goat-- I really thought we should be traditional and go with Billy-- I gave up the damn hydrangea candles!!

Steak knife- is this a carrot or a stick? So is he to understand they will be used to celebrate new jewelry or used upon his carcass if he remains blissfully unaware that.... Wow you're right- it does get complicated!:D

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  • 4 months later...
goduckies05

goduckies05

Posted
Posted
We're packing our bags (and the minivan) for another weekend trip. Sailing away today.

 

To clarify: I'm threatening to write another trip report. No promises.

 

You have been warned.

 

That is all.

 

Mr. Lawn

 

Have fun

 

Sent from my SM-G900P using Forums mobile app

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  • 7 months later...
NightOne

NightOne

Posted
Posted
That guy never wrote another review. Nobody knows why.

 

 

I heard that it was due to him not monopolizing the ice market and he just couldn't cope with the devastating impact of that.

 

But I think the real story is that he tripped over a you no go room now sign, banged his head, and lost his ability to create coherent sentences.

 

:)

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cjdixon4

cjdixon4

Posted
Posted
I heard that it was due to him not monopolizing the ice market and he just couldn't cope with the devastating impact of that.

 

But I think the real story is that he tripped over a you no go room now sign, banged his head, and lost his ability to create coherent sentences.

 

:)

 

Carl, even though it's a year old, thanks for recommending this thread...this guy is a HOOT. The writing is SO crazy funny and worthy of bumping up again for people who missed it. It's getting me through a boring day at the office!:D

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SASA13

SASA13

Posted
Posted

This was one of the best reviews I ever read. I am at work reading reviews on the Victory, since I sail on Saturday :D came across this one, and I am sitting here, face beet red, tears streaming down my face and trying not to laugh out loud.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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NightOne

NightOne

Posted
Posted
Carl, even though it's a year old, thanks for recommending this thread...this guy is a HOOT. The writing is SO crazy funny and worthy of bumping up again for people who missed it. It's getting me through a boring day at the office!:D

 

 

:)

 

When I first read this review I cried laughing until my side hurt. Also, I was getting worried that my wife was going to have me comitted because I couldn't stop laughing.

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  • 1 month later...
CruisingwithRickandNik

CruisingwithRickandNik

Posted
Posted
Background: This was my first cruise in 25+ years, and I hated the first one.

 

When I was but a wee lad, one of my high school friends received a weird vacation offer in the mail. "Three day vacation in the Bahamas for $199. Buy one, get one free." We did the math and decided splitting the cost would make sense, so we booked it. But it was quite a strange package. Drive to Miami or Port Everglades (fuzzy on exact port), get on a cruise ship in the afternoon. Get off in Nassau the next morning, travel to a resort, check-in and stay two nights. Check out of the hotel by noon on day three, wander the island until the evening, board the cruise ship around sunset, get off the boat in Miami the next morning.

 

If you were reading closely, you may have noticed that I skipped mentioning our cabin on the ship. We didn't have one -- just deck space. And it was awkward, like spending a night in the airport. So, other than a handful of local '5 hour cruise to nowhere' gambling ships (which I can tolerate), I was a cruise newb with no desire to pay good money to be trapped in a floating hotel for several days.

 

But my wife LOVES to cruise. Last year, I sent her and one of her best friends on a 7 day Carnival Dream trip. I paid for the friend's cabin to (a) avoid having to go myself and (b) because my work was hectic with a major product nearing a critical delivery milestone. Yes, I've been informed that they had a wonderful time. No, applications to be my wife's best friend are not currently being accepted.

 

And for reasons that aren't quite clear -- she won a free cruise for two. We think it was a drawing from playing Bingo, maybe it was simply "thanks for the cash, sucker -- come back to the casino and give us more of it." It really doesn't matter at this point. She practically begged me to consider going with her. We had several options to choose from, so I agreed.

 

But first, I made a list of demands:

 

1. We leave from nearby Tampa or Port Canaveral (live in Orlando) to make it easy.

 

2. Preferably NOT CARNIVAL, because I don't want to endure any of this Fun Ship nonsense.

 

3. A nice new ship. With blinky lights and shiny things and perhaps a pony.

 

4. A short trip. Three, maybe four days including a weekend. So I could hate it as quickly as possible, not lose much time from work and get this ordeal out of the way.

 

I can hear the gentlemen in the audience groaning. And you're allowed, because rather predictably, I found myself booked on:

 

The Carnival Victory, leaving from Miami for a 4 day trip.

 

Whoo-Hoo! One out of four demands were met! Better than expected!

 

=================================

 

T Minus Three Months: I apply for a passport. I didn't have a valid passport. I have one now.

 

T Minus Two Weeks: I buy a new bathing suit. Wait, two new bathing suits. No, THREE new bathing suits. And a few fast-drying shirts. I'm planning to chair hog the pool deck like a pro. Also -- water slides!

 

=================================

 

Day Zero: I can't concentrate at work, so I wave goodbye to my boss and leave early (before sundown). I drive home to find that our bags have been packed. My wife finally agreed to "pack light," so there are only seven bags to load into the minivan. Yes, we have a minivan. Sigh.

 

I start worrying about every little detail, because ... because... Let's say I'm detail oriented at random times. I finally push my wonderful wife to the breaking point. "Stop doing that -- I have everything prepared. I. HAVE. DONE. THIS. BEFORE. Sheesh, just relax." I do not relax. But I do fall asleep. Eventually.

 

===================================

 

Day One: We wake up to an angry alarm clock at FOUR IN THE MORNING. We get in the van. We put gas in the van. We drive. And drive. And drive. Traffic is light, smooth and not a problem on I-95 until we reach Palm Beach, where it becomes none of these things.

 

We reach the terminal, unload enough luggage for an army... I've just been told not to complain about the luggage, so it was officially the correct amount of luggage and a delight to ...

 

And go through the security checks, scamper to the front of the lines with our FTTF cards, and sit down next to the "You get on boat here" doors. And things are not moving quickly, so FTTF allows us to walk onto the boat slightly after noon. But no problem, the check-in desk in the terminal confirmed that our room was ready right now, so we'll just drop off the perfect amount of carry-on luggage in the room ... when it's ready ... at 1330.

 

So I'm on the Lido Deck with an appropriately stacked mountain of ...

 

Oh, hi again. We got to the buffet early and grabbed a table. The place was empty for a moment, but I can hear a thundering herd of passengers storming towards us. I had a cheeseburger and fries. It was food. I ate it. An angel walks by with a tray full of the long-awaited "Tall Red Fruity drinks in a souvenir plastic cup with a little paper umbrella and a chunk of fruit." And I need one of those more than I've needed anything else in my life. I flash my prestigious "DOH, IT'S MY FIRST CARNIVAL CRUISE" badge and the angel pretends it's REAL MONEY. I get another one for my wife, because it seemed like the right thing to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pic Chick

And how exactly was this accomplished? I've tried this method several time with no bracelet availed with Nydney1 He either misses that I WANT THIS ONE! Or blissfully ignores that I WANT THIS ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok so- everlasting bond...check. Right Nydney1?:D

Candles- quit using my hydrangea ones cause he likes apple and vanilla only.

Silly outfits-- I think a 'check' will have to suffice.

Steve the goat-- I really thought we should be traditional and go with Billy-- I gave up the damn hydrangea candles!!

Steak knife- is this a carrot or a stick? So is he to understand they will be used to celebrate new jewelry or used upon his carcass if he remains blissfully unaware that.... Wow you're right- it does get complicated!:D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this review. No, really, I can't tell you. The lawyers say that would violate my parole conditions. Suffice it to say that I've become a virtual prisoner of Cruisecritic, constantly checking for the latest installment of HYKGOML vs. The World, and am saddened, shocked, devastated and bereft now that the saga has come to a suspiciously abrupt end.

 

Did the lawyers get to you, too?

 

I loved it. And can't wait for the next one.

 

Jeff

 

We are going on a Celebrity cruise in November with another couple. They are really outgoing as well, and we all have the free alcohol package...so this should be a trip and a half! Even I am hoping my hubby writes another trip report when we get home! We got a GREAT DEAL on a concierge class cabin and all of the perks that came with the cabin....and since I'm in a hoveround, our cabin is HUGE, so we can't wait!

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  • 4 weeks later...
Schoifmom

Schoifmom

Posted
Posted

I really (no really) shouldn't have been on the forums at work ... I got sucked into this absolutely hilarious review and couldn't stop reading!! I literally missed a meeting because I was enjoying it so much.

 

Thanks for the entertainment :D

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cjdixon4

cjdixon4

Posted
Posted
I really (no really) shouldn't have been on the forums at work ... I got sucked into this absolutely hilarious review and couldn't stop reading!! I literally missed a meeting because I was enjoying it so much.

 

Thanks for the entertainment :D

 

Glad that you resurrected this "dinosaur" of a thread...it was a hoot. The OP is real comedian.

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  • 3 years later...
HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, DramaQueen22 said:

Mr. Lawn...you are HILARIOUS!  I enjoyed this review immensely.  I want to party with you dude!

 

That's very sweet, but you really don't want to party with me any time in the near future.  

 

There are hints in this antiquated trip report, but my wonderful wife was sick for a long time, and getting sicker every year.  She passed away about a year and a half ago. 

 

I did not handle the grief very well.  I've become the guy you'd imagine from my handle:  Bitter, angry and unpleasant to be near. 

 

I'm healing, but I barely resemble the person who wrote that trip report. 

 

Mr. Lawn

Edited by HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn
spellering is harde
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