19 Things I Have Learned From Cruise Critic

[Fizzer59]

I am a new member who joined because my wife and I have our first cruise scheduled for next month in Alaska. I tend to be one of those who researches all before I go, whereas Mrs Fizzer prefers to have all revealed to her at the time, so she gets the maximum surprise benefit. We seem to complement each other's style, because hopefully my research ensures that the surprises she experiences tend to be positive rather negative most of the time.

 

 

I should preface this by saying that I had to be dragged to a cruise kicking and screaming. We have travelled a fair bit and tend towards the independent style. I have only ever taken two other packaged vacations in my life. One of these was a tour of Japan, where language issues made that the trip of choice Although I had actually wanted to do that independently as well I was overruled by "She who must be obeyed".

 

My opinion of cruising was jaundiced because whenever we had visited places where cruise ships called we had tended to avoid those sights frequented by cruisers, for no other reason than we wanted to avoid crowds. Curacao or St Lucia for example are vastly different places when there are no ships in dock. Locals have more time and seem friendlier when they are less stressed or focussed on making that sale right now because you will be gone soon when the ship sails.

 

Anyway, Mrs Fizzer had a hankering to visit Alaska and I agreed that for logistics alone a cruise made sense.Having made the decision we selected a cruise and HAL. As this is a new experience for us both I thought it would be helpful to glean the benefits of the knowledge of more experienced cruisers. As such I have learned a lot from CC and thought I would share with you what it is that I have learned.

 

 

Please note this is tongue in cheek and not intended to offend.

 

 

1. We won't be able to enjoy the verandah because of clouds of carcinogenic smoke coming from all of our neighbours.

2. We won't be able to enjoy our cabin because we are at the front of the ship and will be tossed up and down incessantly because of the waves.

3. We won't be able to sleep because of the noise of the elevators ( near our cabin) and the chairs being slid backwards and forwards on the deck above.

4. We won't be able to enjoy the buffet because it's dirty, crowded and we'll probably get a noroviral infection anyway. This negates number 3 because it's hard to sleep while throwing up, although it may be exacerbated by number 2.

5. When we do leave the cabin we will be judged based upon what we choose to wear and possibly the vomit stains on our clothing. In fact we will be judged on our manners and many other intangibles. ( The clipboard under the bed is for scoring our fellow passengers and there is a $300 OBC for correctly identifying the rudest/ messiest/most annoying passenger(s) each day).

6. That we will need to bring ear defenders to protect ourselves from assault by the Screaming HalCats. The jury is still out on whether we will need to wear these in our cabin or merely when within 150 feet of the aforesaid ( dare I say it ) entertainers.

7.That the shows aren't worth seeing, the movies are old and the only TV worth watching is a map showing the ship's slowly changing position.

8. That if we do get out of our cabin and are allowed into the MDR, we will enjoy the food, but not as much as if we'd eaten it several years ago before Carnival took over ownership.

9. If we leave our cabin and it is a formal night we should be prepared for laser beam eyes and tsts tsts because I am only wearing a lounge suit.

10. I shall never, nay never, join my wife in a line up anywhere and should join the rear of the queue. Even if I just want a spoon.

11. I should never line up in the Lido anyway ( see no 4 ).

12. That the special sauce at the Dive In isn't that special.

13. I am not special either and if I thought otherwise the fact that I am invited to neither the Mariner's lunch nor post embarkation lunch in the MDR should disavow me of that thought.

14. The Indonesian crew is really nice but the officers are rude and unfriendly and that navigating a large vessel filled with passengers through iceberg infested waters, in inclement weather, sometimes in the dark, is not an excuse for failing to attend whatever social event somebody thought he should be at.

15. That if I could really afford it I wouldn't have been on HAL anyway.

16. Apparently we will be spring chickens in our mid 50's and we may not be able to enjoy anywhere on the ship because we won't be able to get out of the cabin because of all the walkers.

17. That HAL is cheapening the experience all around.

18. That it could be worse. I could have chosen Carnival, or even worse yet NCL.

19. That I am going to have a great time.

[JCrewz]

Very clever, Fizzer! Looking forward to more of your posts and your sparkling sense of humor.

[summer slope]

Great post, love it!!

[PathfinderEss]

Welcome to Cruise Critic.

 

You will be a great addition to our group.

Can't wait for more post from you, your 4th made my day.

[lddam]

Excellent post, Mr. Fizzer, and welcome to cruise Critic.

 

Hang on to #19.

[ANSalberg]

ONE thing you might add; "IF you find at least ONE predicted mess -AND it isn't anywhere NEAR as bad as you feared AND you [suddenly] are thoroughly enjoying yourself -Then ALL bad things are canceled; PERIOD" AND enjoy NEW friends -AND find you've learned a lot painlessly.....AND that you can't wait until the NEXT cruise!

 

You're just NORMAL!!!!!! ;)

[Gail & Marty sailing away]

Very nice job ...

[LMaxwell]

Well played OP

[mainepaddler]

LOVE it!! One of the biggest reliefs on my recent cruise was that I encountered no one onboard acting like most folks here!

[Lottie Linda]

You forgot #20). Nobody sails on HAL anymore, it's too crowded.

[SilvertoGold]

Welcome, Mr Fizzer

 

Off to an excellent start!

As noted, you will be a great addition to the HAL board, although you should think in terms of keeping up the good work!

 

May I suggest a nice, long review of your cruise when you return? Please!!

[OVgirl]

Since you have quite realistic expectations for this cruise, you are very likely going to have a much better time than expected.

[galensgrl]

Well sir, it looks like as we are HAL newbies we are reading some of the same reviews and/or posts to get a feel for what is to come. I am the researcher, my DH is the one who likes to anticipate with an open mind. He really doesn't want to know either. He too likes to be pleasantly surprised.

 

Yesterday was my initial shock over embarkation MDR privileges, (I know, it's only the MDR, not like we are being refused entrance to the Evening at Le Circue! LOL) DH attempted to be helpful by asking me if I thought we were going to starve...on a cruise. :rolleyes: I decided that maybe a made-to-order sandwich wouldn't be so bad after all. Since cabins are usually ready at embarkation, we can get our food to go and eat on our balcony ;) After I got over that pre-cruise tizzy DH reminded me that we will most likely be pleasantly surprised.

 

Four cruises so far and I am nervous as heck to try something new. Excited though. :D

 

Oh, and #10 on your list literally made me LOL.

 

Lorie

Edited April 16, 2015 by galensgrl

[IRL_Joanie]

 

Joanie

[Krazy Kruizers]

Welcome to Cruise Critic.

OH -- I can hardly wait to read your review.

Enjoy your Alaskan cruise!!

[brazilgirl]

Wonderful!!!

[SJSULIBRARIAN]

Terrific post!!!

[Wakepatrol]

Hilarious post, but your timing is perfect.

All the dour, solemn, killjoy, curmudgeons that would find nothing funny about your post, are all on cruises right now.:)

[Bill S]

Well, you know I keep seeing and experiencing all the same things as Mr Fizzer, and even after a slew of HAL cruises, I keep thinking those things would have changed, but they haven't! :eek: Maybe on the next HAL cruise, everything will be OK! ;)

[galensgrl]

LOVE it!! One of the biggest reliefs on my recent cruise was that I encountered no one onboard acting like most folks here!

 

Some people maybe. I find most of the people on the HAL boards are friendly and helpful, encouraging newbies to have a good time. They are a wonderful resource for those of us going into it blind. They make me want to be the kind of cruiser I know I can be LOL :D

 

Lorie

Edited April 16, 2015 by galensgrl

[rwams]

Welcome and thank you for your splendid evaluation of CC. I enjoyed your post very much, can't wait for you Alaska review. :)

[janmcn]

Perfect! ROFL!

Enjoy your dam cruise ;-)

[sail7seas]

While I enjoyed reading your post, I admit to feeling very bad you found nothing positive about the reams of pages we type here. Surely you found one or two things out of the millions of words that were other than negative???? (despite item No. 19 :) on your list. )

Maybe that bodes you'll have a wonderful cruise as you will have low expectations. :D

 

I hope you enjoy every moment of your cruise and will come back and share some of the fun and interesting things you did and saw. :)

 

Edited April 17, 2015 by sail7seas

[qsuzi]

hilarious post, but your timing is perfect.

All the dour, solemn, killjoy, curmudgeons that would find nothing funny about your post, are all on cruises right now.:)

 

:):d;)

[cbr663]

Great post. A great snapshot of CC. Enjoy your cruise, you have picked a great first cruise. An Alaskan cruise is magical and our Alaska cruise last year was our best ever.