All Things EARTH... part 2

[Sailor_Sally]

Melody , So sorry

[awhfy]

Can’t get in till Thursday, dentist is at a conference. They told me to use heat (not cold), so I’m sitting with a heating pad on my face 🙄. I had baking planned for this week, but was told not to do ANYTHING. I don’t do that well!  I’m supervising Les doing the Christmas gift wrapping (he dies a better job than I do anyway 😉. Melody

[Sailor_Sally]

I have decided that Doctors should have wine bars at their offices .

[cruzisme]

Melody, thinking of you.

Anita, love your Flowrider photo.

hi to all the other ladies here.

[awhfy]

2 hours ago, Sailor_Sally said:

I have decided that Doctors should have wine bars at their offices .

Hear, hear! 🍷🍷🍷🥂🥂

[MJC]

True quote from me on Sunday at the Mexican restaurant: "I miss drinking. Which would be.less bad, white wine or tequila?

 

Get my staples out tomorrow, another week before I can resume 'normal activies" LOL.

[Joby]

Melody,

Hoping you find a solution that your body will accept 😮

 

I 2nd the motion on the wine bar in the Dr.'s office 🍷

[Anita Latte]

So sorry Melody...hoping for good things tomorrow.

[Anita Latte]

I stumbled across "Women in Clothes" in my online, eBook library, Overdrive. It's a non-fiction book that is the result of a collaboration of the driving force author with several others who decided to research and ultimately write this book that is based more on the philosophy of dressing that drive's different women's choices in clothing...women from all over the world and all different cultures and backgrounds and ages. It's not a how to...it's more like trying to answer the question as to why women dress the way they do. There were surveys and conversations and articles...it's a big collection with contributions gathered by the women who put it all together with input from so many different women. 884 pages of non-fiction. I'm really enjoying it.

 

Anyway...there is an article "You're Never Going to Get That Money Back" which is a conversation that Juliet Landau-Pope had with one author Sheila Heti. Landau-Pope is a declutter coach and she is specifically talking about clothing, but I thought her words were applicable to all decluttering. She said, " People find it very difficult to just show me things without telling me stories- every item has a story. If I'm talking to an older woman or a mum, she'll start telling me a story, and I'll say, "I'm sure your daughters would love to hear that, or your sisters. There must be someone in the family who would love to hear that story." By holding on to the thing, they are keeping the story to themselves rather that sharing it; so one of the things I encourage people to do is write the stories down or record them or find some way of documenting them so the story is not lost, while the thing can be given to someone who's actually going to make use of it.

 

Something I especially encounter with older people is fear of losing the memory. They're afraid if they give away the physical item, they'll lose the memory that's attached to it."

 

I thought this was very applicable to anything anyone might save for sentimental reasons. I especially love this idea of recording the story...documenting why an item has meaning, even if it isn't useful any longer. I like this so much better than the new recommendation to take a photo of something and then give it away. I think the photo is nice...but to have the story...that's what is really special. I read this and I realized that if I could document the story of various things, then I could let go of them.

 

It's just about time for some more KonMari in my closet. I needed some insight from this book and I am really appreciating the thoughts that are inspired by reading this. I'm sure that everyone would have their own thoughts. Which is why I share the book. Anyway...in general...this is striking a chord with me...it's helping me with some thoughts I've been having about clothing, etc.

 

My hair is exceeding long right now. I'm doing some research on hair donation. I had a bit of lightning done to my hair before that purple that was added a while ago. I need to verify if that lightning qualifies as bleach or not...I'm hoping not. Locks for Love would be a relatively easy donation if that is the case. I'm going to find out more tomorrow. 

[Anita Latte]

Seriously, I’m loving this book. It’s nothing but women talking...many women answering a question, conversations, interviews, short stories. I’m already in the 600s. One of my favorite segments...the women are asked to share a picture of their mom before she was their mom and talk about what they see and how the feel about the photo. It’s fab. Maybe I’m just starved for feminine conversation...idk...maybe it’s the topic. It’s about women and clothing but really it boils down to life of women and how clothing reflects ours lives and/or influences that life...how we can measure our growth as women through clothing choices in various stages of life. 

[awhfy]

Just got home from dentist. It’s not the bone grafts, that looks fine. My dentist, an oral surgeon, my family doc & someone else are having a. Inference tomorrow to discuss my “intriguing” case. In other words, no one can figure out what is going on. Only thing we’re sure of is the bone grafts look perfect. Glad I can give everyone something interesting 🙄. Melody 

[Anita Latte]

Oh that’s so frustrating!

[MJC]

Glad the bone graft is good but it's never fun to hear that "intriguing" comment. I hope they can come up with a solution for you soon.

 

I got my staples out today, which wasn't pleasant but at least was quick. I got the go-ahead to start Zumba again, and I can color my hair in a week -- just in time for our visit to my sister's. Happy Dance!

 

I just realized we leave a week from Sunday and I haven't even thought about packing yet.

 

I have been thinking a lot about my clothes recently as my routines have shifted so much. I definitely am light on sweaters that aren't cardigans for when it's too cold for a top but not cold enough for lots of layering. Hmm. I'm doing a lot more walking outside than when I was driving to work every day. I'm in Manhattan a lot more and feel the desire to be more stylish, and definitely trending toward a bit more black. Lately with all the doctor stuff plus getting together with friends, I'm on the subway and walking around in Manhattan at least 3 days per week. Big shift.

 

Anita, that book sounds interesting. One thing that's nice about riding the bus or train, or walking a lot, is the time to ruminate. Your recent comment made me think about how I've had different wardrobes for the several distinct phases of my life, and now I'm entering a new one without a definite idea of what it is or what I need. So. Lots to ponder. Also that thing with the photo of one's mother, that hit me hard. So many times I wish she were here so I could ask her the questions I never bothered to think about when I was younger and she could have answered.

 

Not to be a downer, but this is my first Christmas with no parents. I struggle a bit at odd moments, like at Costco the other day. They had these Belgian cookies, manufactured but the type that my grandma used to make only at Christmas time, by hand, on a special iron. Then they had Mexican teacakes, which my mom called snowballs when we were little and only made at this time of year. AND they had a really good dark raisin bread, which was another of my grandma's specialties. I was trying to decide about getting the bread and out of the blue I almost had a meltdown, in Costco, how mortifying. Who expects to find triggers at Costco. So, items or mementos as stories, so resonant for me right now.

 

Christmas day entertaining was handed from my grandma, to my mother, to me, and now with them gone I am a guest in someone else's house for the holiday. It's hard. I'm not happy about it. I realize others have way more difficult holiday losses to live with, but I find I swing from happy to sad, and then just that lack of equilibrium is a challenge for me because I'm not normally like that, so it makes me uncomfortable with myself. If that makes sense.

 

I know this is normal, that I am normal, and it's ok to feel this way at Christmas. Thank you for listening, my friends. ❤️

 

 

 

 

 

 

[purduemom1]

Oh Melody, good that grafts are ok but that “intriguing “ comment must be a bit unnerving! Hope the doctors can quickly figure out the best solution for you.

 

Margaret, yes you and your thoughts are normal. Those of us who have gone thru that first Christmas without a loved one can certainly identify. It’s interesting how something you least expect (your trip to Costco) will bring on precious memories and possibly tears. Things change and sometimes  that change brings on new traditions to go along with the old. At least that has been my experience. Oh and by the way, I am going to look for that dark raisin bread at Costco. Hoping it isn’t a regional item!

Sharon

[laurspag]

Melody, I'm so sorry you are having these issues.  I hope the doctors figure it out!

 

Anita, reading in general is something I love.  I have not gotten myself reading in a little while.   Sometimes, when my head is full and I feel like I'm not accomplishing enough, I almost feel like I have no right to indulge myself.  Isn't that totally out of line?

 

Margaret, you are not alone.  I get weepy every year when we decorate our tree.  I have this little photo ornament with my dad's picture in it, and then a few that my mom gave me that belonged to my grandmother.  I put them on the tree, and then find my "it's a Wonderful Life" ornament that says "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings".  

 

I try to remember good things, and cherish those memories as much as I can.  There is a restaurant that is called McGee Diner, and it is on the way to Waterloo.  My dad always loved going there, and one time, my husband and him were having a little debate over who would pick up the tab.  My dad said, "my card looks bigger than yours" and we have this standing joke now whenever both my husband and I go to pay for something - who has the bigger debit/credit card.

 

Completely unplanned, but my husband and I decided to go to the Waterloo Outlet Mall over the summer, and he just pulled into the diner and said we should get breakfast.  It was my dad's birthday, and we didn't even plan it.  It took me a few minutes to compose myself and go in.

 

I don't mean to ramble, I just want you to know that it is indeed difficult going through changes such as this.  Lots of hugs to you!

 

T

[Anita Latte]

I think it was last year? Or the year before? We went to the Nutcracker and the opening notes started and I wanted to bawl...throat tight...eyes stinging...nose starting to run with suppressed emotions. I hadn’t seen my parents in over a year and still didn’t know when I would see them next. Mom and I always went to the Nutcracker...I love the Nutcracker but wow I went from so excited to so sad in nothing flat. 

 

Holidays are filled with ups and downs. I think the key is to allow yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up. Like don’t suppress. Get back into that space if you need to because it’s hard to let go in Costco. Watch a sentimental movie and feel it fully. Empty out and then let it go. The more you put it off, the fuller the tank gets and it’ll blow where you can’t hand back. 

 

This is something I’m working on...stopping the categorization of emotion...trying not to feel what I think of as negative emotions...as if they go away when you stuff them down. I’m learning to not judge and just feel. I believe some of my attempts at emotion control has contributed to my weight issues. I’m coming at my health holistically and you can believe that this momma has cried a bit at random over the past term.

 

It can sound like a contradiction but it can be a joyous thing on the other side of a good cry.

[Anita Latte]

Duplicate

Edited December 13, 2019 by Anita Latte

[Sailor_Sally]

Margaret , Christmas brings out all the emotions . I used to love baking all kinds of cookies at Christmas but after my son died I was unable to do it . I even bought all the baking supplies a few years but never used them . Now I just accept that my cookie baking days are over.

 

[awhfy]

Holidays, times of intense joy, marvelous memories & unspeakable sorrow...usually within a very few minutes. The first year without loved ones is gut wrenching, the 48th can be the same. Remember the joy & the laughs. Melody

[aknguyen]

I'm a lurker so forgive me for bursting in unannounced. You ladies have brought me to tears this morning. Good tears. All of you have made very good points. There are so many emotions at this time of year. Thank you for letting me read along even though I don't have anything to contribute.

[Sailor_Sally]

You are always welcome to jump in . We are a friendly group .

[MJC]

Thank you everyone for sharing. It has been helpful for me to talk about this and feel the commonality of the experience, and normalize it during this time of year, when all the ads and movies have everyone so happy and things look so perfect. It can feel kind of lonely to be in the midst of all that with these thoughts and feelings.

 

AK, I'm touched that you were moved by our conversation, and I hope you find some comfort here among friends. We have all grown close in this little world we made on EARTH. :)

 

Sharon, the bread is from Zabar's, which is a famous food emporium here. I did some checking and it is only available for delivery in Manhattan. :(  I don't know how Costco got it but I am happy it was there. I might buy a couple more to freeze for later.

 

I have all my gift shopping done and shipped, so I'm going to make a quick trip to the attic for my wreaths for the the front door and some other doodads.

 

 

[Anita Latte]

AK...echo Sally...feel free to add comments at any time. It may feel weird to jump in...but don't let that feeling keep you from chatting here. 

 

17 hours ago, laurspag said:

Anita, reading in general is something I love.  I have not gotten myself reading in a little while.   Sometimes, when my head is full and I feel like I'm not accomplishing enough, I almost feel like I have no right to indulge myself.  Isn't that totally out of line?

 

I think it is totally out of line...but all too common. IDK...I think women can be really hard on themselves...and there's some element of needing to deserve the time to indulge or even take care of ourselves, especially if that taking care is somehow extra. Like not to be weird, but my hair needs some serious conditioning...and I have this deep conditioning packet that Mom gave me for Christmas, along with some other little single use indulgences...like, 2-3 years ago? I keep saving them for some special time when I'm going to have a pamper party or something. But seriously, I just need to put that deep conditioning packet on my hair...it needs it bad!

 

And especially when your head feels full...that can be the best time to read...to escape your own thoughts and go somewhere else. Get involved in someone else's story for a while and get out of your own...get your mind off of whatever it is that is making it go into overdrive.

 

I tell you what...this book...it's just very thought provoking. Something about being able to read what other women think, etc., it's really inspiring.

[Anita Latte]

So...on the inspiring note. Here's my aha moment that is a funny combination of thoughts provoked by the book and one line from the movie, 12 Dates of Christmas.

 

Has everyone seen this movie? I was an ABC Family production...a kind of Groundhog Day meets the 12 Days of Christmas. Anyway...on the second or third day...our girl, the protagonist goes to her doctor who think that she is living the same day over and over again metaphorically...and in the conversation doc asks her about her goals right now...and she says, "Get Jack back." And the doc says I would seriously think about that word "back". Because the conversation is all about the future and moving forward.

 

And this brings me to this idea that anyone will ever "fit back" into those clothes that they are keeping...or "get back" into those clothes that they used to love...once upon a time ago...and would just love more than anything to be able to fit into again. I think we can all think of the reasons why people who advocate for decluttering and also paring down wardrobes would give as to why you might let go of such clothing. Well...I finally hit upon this epiphany as to a reason that makes sense to me.

 

Simply put...it's all about looking forward. Not about looking back.

 

I feel like, when I look back...and think about trying to fit back into clothing that I used to enjoy wearing...I'm picturing those clothes back in that time...me as well. I'm not looking FORWARD. The place where these clothes are stored doesn't resemble a Hope Chest so much as it resembles almost a "Good Ole Days" chest...which instead of being filled with dreams and hopes and goals...is instead filled with condemnation and guilt and maybe even shame. As if I made a mistake and now I have to try to "fix" myself to go back and be able to pick up where I was before.

 

I don't believe that.

 

Things have happened in my life and I have lost the figure I had years ago...even after I had lost so many inches and so much weight. And it's a frustrating thing to be sure. But I can't look back and pick out major mistakes and think that I somehow need to backtrack. It just happened.

 

Moving on.

 

And so. With this momentum from these thoughts...combined with frustration with difficulties in putting laundry away...I powered through a tub of clothes and 3 drawers in my dresser. Clearing out...making room...and otherwise making super happy drawers!

 

I have still kept the few Zumba brand clothes I already narrowed my collection down to. And only 4 things that I can't currently wear. Two of those things, I have never worn. Isn't that crazy? I bought them and they fit when I bought them but I never had a chance to wear them. They are perfect for Florida and cruises...so I see myself wearing them in the future. The other two I have worn only a couple times. And I LOVE them...again...party dress and sport dress. The party dress is the fab red dress that Margaret said looked like I needed to go salsa dancing in.

 

In this process I found these awful biker shorts that I used to work out in when living in Houston. I put them away because it was too cold where I had been to wear them...and I've been struggling with my longer leggings...so I was thrilled to find those biker shorts. I will wear them and work out in them here...and am excited about it. So yay!

 

Those are my thoughts this evening...I have more drawers to go through. But I hit that satisfied point...the end of my steam for the endeavor. I put my clean laundry in my updated drawers. I'm sure that the inspiration will hit again soon...there's other loads of laundry that will affect these other drawers.

 

It's that time of year...I'm wanting to be a bit more proactive with the New Year on the horizon. Out with the old...

[awhfy]

AK. Welcome & join in..we (or most of us) started as lurkers. We’ve evolved from just a fashion oriented group to what I consider some of my best friends...we share our lives. 
 

I took this medically imposed downtime to go thru several tubs that I’d stored jeans & jackets that I’d outgrown. Well they are now, all but one black cashmere blazer & one pair of jeans,  going to the consignment store because...TA DA...they’re now all too big (& they were my small things). It was quite exciting!  Next up are the tubs containing holiday wear & then the dreaded T-shirt tubs. Les & I have so many tshirts, back from when we ran so many races (tubs & tubs of them...the problem with having lots of storage areas). I told the kids & grands that after the holidays they could go thru the T-shirt tubs & take what they want & then help us take the tubs to ARC. Our daughters both cheered. Our PE daughter said she’d take the tubs & store them at school for the kids that really need a change of clothing ( I redirected the jeans from consignment store pile to her as well). 
 

 Les took 6 tubs of towels & blankets to our animal shelter (I love towels). But it opened linen closet space, so I redecorated our upstairs bath

 

hopefully I’ll be able to do some baking next week. Melody