Cruise Tips When Cruising With People With Memory Issues

[suzyed]

I wouldn't dream if putting the cabin number on it rather something like 'Please page the Ship Elf, under the stairs"

 

And maybe rather than a sticker call into the hospital and ask for a few ID bands, less likely to fall off.

Good idea!

[Pierlesscruisers]

If you are sailing on the Regal Princess that ship will have the medallion. With the medallion you can see the location anyone on the ship which you link to your medallion.

 

Depends on when they are cruising on the Regal! The first medallion cruise on any Princess ship isn't until mid November of this year.

 

Tom

[Alaskanb]

As you live far away from your father have you had a truthful conversation with your mother about his condition and how she is coping? She is the only person who can give you that truth?

[Thrak]

As you live far away from your father have you had a truthful conversation with your mother about his condition and how she is coping? She is the only person who can give you that truth?

 

When my mother in law was declining my wife's sisters didn't believe it. They didn't live nearby and didn't see the changes. They said things like, "Oh, that's just Mom!". No. The fact was that it wasn't like her at all. She was fearful and forgetful. She took a wrong turn on her way home and drove 15 miles up the hill to the next town and then trough that town and on to the next town before asking someone if this was the right way because it seemed too far... Yeah, about 35 miles too far in the wrong direction. This was before she "got bad". People who don't live nearby and don't see the day by changes don't have a clue.

[suzyed]

When my mother in law was declining my wife's sisters didn't believe it. They didn't live nearby and didn't see the changes. They said things like, "Oh, that's just Mom!". No. The fact was that it wasn't like her at all. She was fearful and forgetful. She took a wrong turn on her way home and drove 15 miles up the hill to the next town and then trough that town and on to the next town before asking someone if this was the right way because it seemed too far... Yeah, about 35 miles too far in the wrong direction. This was before she "got bad". People who don't live nearby and don't see the day by changes don't have a clue.

You're right Thrak. DH and I watched as the decline happened. We could see it happening but it wasn't as dramatic for us. When DH's brother and sisiter-in-law came to town, for them the change was dramatic! How they remembered her from the last time they saw MIL to what she now was like was shocking to say the least. They don't realize from afar but it hits like a ton of bricks when they are faced with reality.

[pris993]

I don't mean to be out of line here, but you asked for advice and I have some experience traveling with people with moderate dementia; it is not unlike traveling with a small child--they are in unfamiliar surroundings and have little sense of danger. They need full-time supervision. A ship can be a very dangerous place and even a momentary lack of supervision can turn very serious. I would hire a care giver and pay their way. Then set up a schedule so someone is with your father at ALL TIMES.

 

good idea... then family members can take turns spending time with him and still have some time off.

[Thrak]

I feel sorry for what he will end up going through so that others can feel good about themselves.

[donaldsc]

I feel sorry for what he will end up going through so that others can feel good about themselves.

 

+1 on that.

 

DON

[WVBill]

I feel sorry for what he will end up going through so that others can feel good about themselves.

Thank you Thrak.

 

And for anyone else who agrees, please don't let it happen to you. Make the decision for yourself. Now.

 

Consider completing an "Alzheimer's Disease/Dementia Mental Health Advance Directive". Such document will spell out what you do and do not want to happen to you if you should encounter this terrible disease. Just Google it.

Edited September 1, 2017 by WVBill

[Alaskanb]

Thank you Thrak.

 

And for anyone else who agrees, please don't let it happen to you. Make the decision for yourself. Now.

 

Consider completing an "Alzheimer's Disease/Dementia Mental Health Advance Directive". Such document will spell out what you do and do not want to happen to you if you should encounter this terrible disease. Just Google it.

Thank you for this.

[pbablsmit]

I would like to thank all people who have replied to this post. I have been tempted to reply to many of the posts up until now.

 

 

We think we have everything covered as we have already discussed many of the topics you have raised.

 

I was just fishing for that one piece of info that perhaps I hadn't considered.

 

FWIW - As a family we have disabled children so we are 'well drilled' in managing situations including sleeping arrangements, toilet/bathroom, dressing, dining etc for people who can never get a tick into one of the so called 'normal person' boxes .

 

However I particularly wanted to reply to this post by suzyed ...... because as you stated we do not know how advanced his dementia is, we just know he has always loved cruising and being with family ... we believe we are doing the right thing.

 

 

I live a long way from my Mum, Dad & Brother so every time we get together as a family he always beams with a big smile saying how much he enjoys us all being together.

 

 

Mum is going to be 'willingly' dragged off to bingo or 'Yumba' or while one of us is taking Dad for a stroll around the Promenade Deck.

 

Then again when he is sitting on his deck chair reading his book, he will have plenty of volunteer deck partners in our group .

 

I have a simple lanyard arrangement for him and will place magnetic signs in the corridor around his deck and on his room door for ease of navigation.

 

We shall also let the cabin stewards and restaurant staff know of his condition.

 

 

Once again - thanks to all for your kind words.

 

 

Eleven years ago my husband and I were married onboard ship. My parents and siblings and their families attended as well as my husbands siblings and his adult children and their families (his parents had already passed). My mother was in the early stages of dementia and my father was quite worried about "losing her" on the ship. It turned out to be a wonderful cruise and mom even seemed a little more "with it" by the end of the cruise. This was our last family vacation with my parents and siblings as my father passed in 2011 and my mom passed this March. I guess I don't have the answer for you, but I hope all goes well. May this trip provide you with memories and stories for years to come.

[Pierlesscruisers]

I would like to thank all people who have replied to this post. I have been tempted to reply to many of the posts up until now.

 

 

We think we have everything covered as we have already discussed many of the topics you have raised.

 

I was just fishing for that one piece of info that perhaps I hadn't considered.

 

FWIW - As a family we have disabled children so we are 'well drilled' in managing situations including sleeping arrangements, toilet/bathroom, dressing, dining etc for people who can never get a tick into one of the so called 'normal person' boxes .

 

However I particularly wanted to reply to this post by suzyed ...... because as you stated we do not know how advanced his dementia is, we just know he has always loved cruising and being with family ... we believe we are doing the right thing.

 

 

I live a long way from my Mum, Dad & Brother so every time we get together as a family he always beams with a big smile saying how much he enjoys us all being together.

 

 

Mum is going to be 'willingly' dragged off to bingo or 'Yumba' or while one of us is taking Dad for a stroll around the Promenade Deck.

 

Then again when he is sitting on his deck chair reading his book, he will have plenty of volunteer deck partners in our group .

 

I have a simple lanyard arrangement for him and will place magnetic signs in the corridor around his deck and on his room door for ease of navigation.

 

We shall also let the cabin stewards and restaurant staff know of his condition.

 

 

Once again - thanks to all for your kind words.

 

Dobby, I have one suggestion. I've read through your posting here and a number of times I've run across something and thought "Wow, I never thought of that!" like the magnetic signs for navigation. It would be a great thing for you to list all of the little "tricks" that you've come up with as aids in helping you take care of your father in a cruising/vacation situation. What tips for being in a hotel or restaurant, in lines at the pier, on the ship, etc. That could be the basis for others to add things that they've done in their similar situations. Think it's worth doing?

 

Tom

[PescadoAmarillo]

I only asked about strategies on how to make things easier for us to cruise with Dad.

Sorry, but that's not quite correct. Your request for information went further than that.

 

I would be interested in reading of any practical ways that others have found to manage people like this on a cruise and maybe point out some of the things we may not have planned for.

 

When you post a question like this on a public forum, you can't take offense when you get answers you don't like. You asked people to point out some of the things you may not have planned for. I think people have been very forthcoming in offering views that you might not have considered.

 

You said your dad's Alzheimer's was moderate to advanced. That is a very wide range. I think it would be unusual for anyone to suggest that a person with advanced Alzheimer's was a good candidate for a cruise.

 

For many people responding, their experience with dementia might have been their first experience with dementia and they were simply sharing things they wished they'd known going into it. Heck, my dad was our third parent to go through it, and even that didn't prepare me for the journey, probably because the other two parents were my husband's. So even if you have been through this many times before, everyone person experiencing dementia is different.

 

Perhaps people did offer perspectives that don't perfectly address your dad's particular degree of memory impairment. You should realize that your request for information was probably quite triggering for many of us, and we were simply responding with the objective of protecting your dad.

[GUT2407]

I feel sorry for what he will end up going through so that others can feel good about themselves.

Unless you might happen to him and his family you have no idea as to the truth it ortherwise of your statement.

[FritzG]

Do you have insurance for this trip? A lot --good and bad--could happen between now and December. Have you considered an overnight "trial" vacation as others have suggested just to see how he copes with the changes?

Don't get defensive--you asked for help and many of us who have/had parents with dementia are giving their honest advice, and sometimes the advice will not be what you want to hear.

[billco]

I was just fishing for that one piece of info that perhaps I hadn't considered.

Again, I would suggest bringing this to Princess Cruises attention prior to sailing? I would think Princess and possibly insurance might have a problem with liability if something happened.

 

Also, If I were in your situation I think I would have done a Google search, such as "cruising with dementia." There are very few questions that are asked on Cruise Critic that haven't been asked and answered many times. Might have saved you some grief. Here are just a few of the results that came up for me:

Taking a Cruise with an Elderly Person

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/cruise-tips-for-elderly-150746.htm

Alzheimer's patients and their caregivers can share and connect on this Caribbean cruise

http://www.latimes.com/travel/deals/la-tr-caribbean-cruise-alzheimers-patients-caregivers-20170503-story.html

80 year old mother has dementia

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1635744

Couple's removal from Celebrity cruise raises dementia issue

http://www.travelweekly.com/Cruise-Travel/Removal-of-couple-from-Celebrity-cruise-raises-dementia-issue

[pshaze]

Dobby I certainly understand your defensiveness.

It is one thing to offer personal experiences and another to criticize and shame someone because they made a different choice than you.

Thankfully most people on here are really trying to offer positive advice.

Unfortunately there is always a few that are not just "having a bad day".

In life we always have to decide the risk vs the reward. I hope you have a fantastic uneventful cruise.

And to Indygirl99 after I read your response all I could think of was.....

 

BOOM! Drop the 🎤 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[suzyed]

Dobby I certainly understand your defensiveness.

It is one thing to offer personal experiences and another to criticize and shame someone because they made a different choice than you.

Thankfully most people on here are really trying to offer positive advice.

Unfortunately there is always a few that are not just "having a bad day".

In life we always have to decide the risk vs the reward. I hope you have a fantastic uneventful cruise.

And to Indygirl99 after I read your response all I could think of was.....

 

BOOM! Drop the 🎤 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I agree with you. Some of the comments were a bit harsh and did insinuate that the OP was doing this for his own enjoyment to the detriment of his dad. Surprising really, because some of they folks making these comments are usually nice and very helpful.

Oh well, OP, take the advice that works for you and leave the rest....Good luck and God Bless.

[Alaskanb]

Motion-sensor lights for bathroom and possibly bed-room.

[Mary loves to travel]

Many of us, I suspect, fear being in either your or your dad's situation, so are following this discussion.

 

I do understand the concern many have expressed around how severe your dad's situation is, and whether the trip is really a good idea for him. Of course, it could be a wonderful thing. It's just so hard to tell in advance. IIRC, OP, you are not the organizer of the trip, but would/will be going and definitely helping out.

 

Thinking about comments around unfamiliar situations perhaps contributing to a more negative or more stressful experience for the person with moderate-to-severe Alzheimer's, I did have a thought: Have you tried going out to dinner at a sit-down restaurant with waiters, if not the whole family, a sizeable group of you? And during a busy time? At a restaurant that's new to your dad? If so, and your dad does great, that's a good sign that he'd be anywhere from fine to really enjoy dinners on the ship. If the commotion and stress of the restaurant are too much for him, well, that will help you make other decisions. Perhaps taking turns eating in the room with him.

 

Just a thought; hope it's useful to you.

 

Mary

[PescadoAmarillo]

I did have a thought: Have you tried going out to dinner at a sit-down restaurant with waiters, if not the whole family, a sizeable group of you? And during a busy time? At a restaurant that's new to your dad? If so, and your dad does great, that's a good sign that he'd be anywhere from fine to really enjoy dinners on the ship. If the commotion and stress of the restaurant are too much for him, well, that will help you make other decisions. Perhaps taking turns eating in the room with him.

That is an excellent point. A full two years before my dad passed away, we went to an Olive Garden that he dearly loved. The restaurant commotion around him rattled him to the point where he starting eating his salad with his fingers and couldn't remember how to drink the water in his glass. We thought he'd permanently worsened before our eyes and were petrified we'd "broken" him. The next day at home he was fine.

 

 

It's an awful, awful, AWFUL disease.

[Thrak]

That is an excellent point. A full two years before my dad passed away, we went to an Olive Garden that he dearly loved. The restaurant commotion around him rattled him to the point where he starting eating his salad with his fingers and couldn't remember how to drink the water in his glass. We thought he'd permanently worsened before our eyes and were petrified we'd "broken" him. The next day at home he was fine.

 

 

It's an awful, awful, AWFUL disease.

 

No matter what one's opinion regarding the original post I believe this is one thing that all can agree on. It's tragic. I don't think you could ever overdo the instances of "awful" in your statement.

[suzyed]

Many of us, I suspect, fear being in either your or your dad's situation, so are following this discussion.

 

I do understand the concern many have expressed around how severe your dad's situation is, and whether the trip is really a good idea for him. Of course, it could be a wonderful thing. It's just so hard to tell in advance. IIRC, OP, you are not the organizer of the trip, but would/will be going and definitely helping out.

 

Thinking about comments around unfamiliar situations perhaps contributing to a more negative or more stressful experience for the person with moderate-to-severe Alzheimer's, I did have a thought: Have you tried going out to dinner at a sit-down restaurant with waiters, if not the whole family, a sizeable group of you? And during a busy time? At a restaurant that's new to your dad? If so, and your dad does great, that's a good sign that he'd be anywhere from fine to really enjoy dinners on the ship. If the commotion and stress of the restaurant are too much for him, well, that will help you make other decisions. Perhaps taking turns eating in the room with him.

 

Just a thought; hope it's useful to you.

 

Mary

Good idea. Although every day is different. Maybe do it several days in a row and see how it goes.

[suzyed]

That is an excellent point. A full two years before my dad passed away, we went to an Olive Garden that he dearly loved. The restaurant commotion around him rattled him to the point where he starting eating his salad with his fingers and couldn't remember how to drink the water in his glass. We thought he'd permanently worsened before our eyes and were petrified we'd "broken" him. The next day at home he was fine.

 

 

It's an awful, awful, AWFUL disease.

It sure is! I always say...you lose them twice....first, when they forget us and everything about themselves and then again when they finally pass. I so wish we coudl find a cure!

[suzyed]

No matter what one's opinion regarding the original post I believe this is one thing that all can agree on. It's tragic. I don't think you could ever overdo the instances of "awful" in your statement.

Agree! Tragic really.. Makes us feel so helpless. And unfortunately most of us will be dealing with this at some point. God help us.:(