i spent 21 days onboard NCL prima... here is my prima facie case for the good, the bad and the fugly

[UKstages]

29 minutes ago, fstuff1 said:

Major slot manufactures have a minimum payback of 85% on their machines... the manufacturer of rich little piggies is a major manufacturer.

'

slot manufacturers deliver machines according to the casino's preference. manufacturers generally have three payback options from which casino slot directors can choose. when you consider that minimum payback by law in nevada is 75%, it is not unreasonable to think that one of the payback options offered would be 75%.

 

in reality, few machines are set to 75% in nevada... because nobody would ever play them. 85% is a more likely payback for a penny machine in nevada and in new jersey, where the minimum payback by law is actually 83%. dollar machines are usually set closer to 90% or 92%, with $5 machines paying closer to 95% or 98%.

 

for the record, i never actually played "rich little piggies." i just used that reference for the joke. but they do have that machine in the casino. some "advantage slot players" (if you believe there is such a thing), claim that rich little piggies is a "banking" slot and can be manipulated for profit. i personally don't think so, as i've seen people put a thousand dollars or more into the machine when it's allegedly "due," only to get a high value bonus round with all features that pays only six or seven hundred dollars. it's still a random thing, even if the piggies are about to pop with high value features.

 

i did play some buffalo gold collection, on which i got a modest handpay and i played a few dollar slots and i played quite a bit of "money burst" at the 10 cent denomination. but. mostly, i played VP, and, yeah, the gods of variance were not on my side.it's tough when you're playing UX....  even if you hit bonus quads, without a kicker and a strong multiplier, you will lose.

 

i earned over 30K tier points on this trip and received the largest OBC comp i have ever had (based on loss, not action).

 

 

40 minutes ago, fstuff1 said:

the best vp on ncl is 9/6 ddb, which is 99% return but variance is double that of your JoB.

 

i stopped playing jacks years ago... low volatility, yes, but just not exciting enough for me. i quoted the jacks pay table because i thought it was pretty good... for a cruise ship.  on UX, i was playing DDB; on single line i played TDB. as you know, with the variance on DDB, you can lose your shirt. with TDB, you can lose your shirt and your underwear.

 

there was some kind of glitch in the machines... only when playing TDB, though. the machines would go to a blank screen and have to be rebooted. they reached out to IGT for a fix. apparently, the video poker machines are leased... i found that surprising. slot machines with licensed characters, sure. but VP?

 

also, surprising: NCL pays an hourly rate plus transportation (in USA ports) for IGT techs to service the machines when needed.

 

38 minutes ago, fstuff1 said:

i'm on 11day viva this nov on her 2nd cruise. (yeah 'free' casino cruises!)

 

 

interesting. i had thought new ships were exempt from CAS bookings for the first six months or so. i'll have to look into this. i am guessing with my recent loss, i can book pretty much any cruise, any ship.

 

46 minutes ago, fstuff1 said:

viva is a clone of prima.

 

yes, but they can still make policy changes... such as opening up all seats in the indulge food hall for universal dining (allowing guests who sit at a particular station to order from any restaurant in the food hall, not just the one they're sitting at).

[justhappy]

15 hours ago, UKstages said:

entertainment: comedians

 

entertainment on this ship is lacking, with one notable exception. the comedians on the first leg of this cruise were truly exceptional. usually, out of three comedians, one will be pretty good and the other two will be terrible or one will be so-so and the other terrible. all three comedians on the 5/14 sailing from NYC to reykjavik were sensational, both together and individually. NCL should continue to book them... NCL should clone them and put them on every ship!

 

midway through the cruise, i hadn’t seen any of them, but i read in the daily that they were giving a midafternoon presentation on “how to give a comedy talk” or some such. well, the description was a complete misnomer; in truth, it was just the three of them holding court, talking about the biz and kibbitzing with each other. (they are all friends and know each other from the comedy club circuit.)

 

these three have incredible chemistry and this impromptu talk was one of the entertainment highlights of the cruise, i kid you not. scheduled for just 45 minutes, it easily could have gone on for two hours! not everything was funny; one particular anecdote that one comedian related was quite a touching story that brought tears to many. the three funnymen said this was the cruise director’s idea, to hold this banter-fest… and it was a great idea and should be continued on this and other ships. later in the week, i had the chance to see each of them perform individually and they did not disappoint. if you have a chance to see any of these guys onboard a ship or at your local comedy club, do not miss the opportunity. they are: jay black, frank townsend and lucas bone.

 

my score for these three comics: A+.

 

all comedy concerts are now presented in the prima theater, as the purpose-built “improv” venue is too damn small. management has finally recognized this. sadly, and inexplicably, there were NO comedians on board the second ten-day cruise… not a single one! i asked about this and was told that it was a corporate decision, that NCL had determined that humor is highly subjective and that on “international” itineraries not originating in the USA, the audience doesn’t “get” comedians.

 

hmmm… that may have been true years ago, but it is no longer true.

 

we live in a shrinking global community. american movies and sitcoms are exported all over the world. in fact, many people learn how to speak english by watching “friends” and “seinfeld,” so that excuse just doesn’t hold water in my book in this day and age. are there some culture and language differences, sure! but nothing that would prevent someone from enjoying a comedian. and why do they have to be american comedians? book a brit, an aussie, an indian or other southeast asian comedian. book a nigerian comedian, for goodness’ sake or someone from lithuania or poland!

 

funny is funny!

 

besides, there were a lot of aussies and brits on board, as well as a large number of americans. even if NCL’s data were true, it wouldn’t necessarily apply to those english speaking groups. and if we’re worried about an international audience not understanding english idioms or comedy, how do we expect them to appreciate “summer” or “the price is right” and its wisecracking host?

 

my score for having no comedians onboard whatsoever: F

I’ve had the pleasure to see Lucas Bone on a cruise 4 years ago, he was excellent. I keep hoping he’ll be on another of my cruises one day.

I love your review, thank you!

[Lighthousepointdream15]

I was on the first leg of your trip and I can’t agree with you more!  This ship should either be in the Caribbean or the Mediterranean. The attention to detail is non existent. Which makes it very frustrating. They come so close to being really good only to fumble on the one yard line. There was a bug in my Caesar salad. Everyone apologized but I never got another salad. The service in Hudson’s was terribly slow. One lava cake had a melted center the other didn’t. I love the concept of Indulge but the execution is awful. There is a host stand in front. They should use it.   The go carts are super fun but it’s cold up there. Syd Normans needs to be redesigned.  I get the concept but it is a victim of its own success.  The best bartenders on the ship.  We had the best room attendant ever on a cruise but our butler was just so so.  All in all it was not a terrible cruise but definitely not in my top 10. I would sail on the Prima again but on a warm weather itinerary 

[insidecabin]

 

Isn't syd(and improv) suffering from location and outside space growing on this class of ship against the previous class?

Not easy to make bigger.

 

Although the Syd concept is very good it suffers from the same issue as a lot of entertainment and food, nothing changes.

 

It is a cast show same sets(for all performance) same songs same order same dialogue.....

 

The concept needs floor space for the singers to do their walkabouts.

 

Cast can also make a difference, first time it's great, but the second can go either way with any of the cast.

 

[DCGuy64]

12 hours ago, BermudaBound2014 said:

Thank you for sharing both your thoughts on the prima and your very talented writing style. 
 

My Score of this Review- A+ 🙂 

I second this! Excellent review, extremely thorough and detailed. Well done! (BTW I didn't see a single issue about alcohol not being served in any ports!) I'd like to book the Pr1ma for a future cruise, in a warm climate!

[UKstages]

30 minutes ago, insidecabin said:

Isn't syd(and improv) suffering from location and outside space growing on this class of ship against the previous class?

Not easy to make bigger.

 

well, the improv is just a mistake. all comedy performances are now done in the theatre. i don't know if they have a licensing deal with levity, the booking agency,  to use "the improv at sea" branding. if so, that aspect of the deal is just a waste of money, as the club is no longer used for comedy performances.  (they do put the the improv logo up in the theater when comics perform.)

 

as for the size of the venues... if you're asking if deck 7 has outdoor space that was built out and therefore required these venues to be smaller, the answer is no. the size of the venues was intentional, i beleive... NCL wanted intimate performance spaces, especially for the "syd norman's" brand. (there is a specific problem with syd's, as i understand it, which is that - contractually - performances can only take place in that venue... there is no option to move them to the theater.)

 

but the venues are just too damn small.

 

the only thing they are good for is annoying people who can't get in.

 

29 minutes ago, DCGuy64 said:

BTW I didn't see a single issue about alcohol not being served in any ports!

 

not a problem on this cruise, although the final port, southampton, is one in which the issue is known to have reared its ugly head. but i left the ship at 8 am or so... no idea what happened to those who just arrived who wanted a drink later that day.

 

Edited June 14, 2023 by UKstages

[JamesIowa]

@UKstages thanks for the well-written and erudite review. Very insightful and objective.

Also, thanks for posting it pretty much simultaneously in different parts! I love reading long reviews and it’s infinitely more cohesive when it’s “all together” vs the post-question-question-flame-question-who’s the hotel manager-post-repeat format most reviews suffer. I mean, the questions are part of it, I get that, but it can make the review itself feel disjointed.

 

Edited June 14, 2023 by JamesIowa
Removed word

[insidecabin]

1 hour ago, UKstages said:

 

well, the improv is just a mistake. all comedy performances are now done in the theatre. i don't know if they have a licensing deal with levity, the booking agency,  to use "the improv at sea" branding. if so, that aspect of the deal is just a waste of money, as the club is no longer used for comedy performances.  (they do put the the improv logo up in the theater when comics perform.)

 

as for the size of the venues... if you're asking if deck 7 has outdoor space that was built out and therefore required these venues to be smaller, the answer is no. the size of the venues was intentional, i beleive... NCL wanted intimate performance spaces, especially for the "syd norman's" brand. (there is a specific problem with syd's, as i understand it, which is that - contractually - performances can only take place in that venue... there is no option to move them to the theater.)

 

but the venues are just too damn small.

 

the only thing they are good for is annoying people who can't get in.

 

 

not a problem on this cruise, although the final port, southampton, is one in which the issue is known to have reared its ugly head. but i left the ship at 8 am or so... no idea what happened to those who just arrived who wanted a drink later that day.

 

Our 2021/2022 covid  Getaway covid had Syd's restricted numbers  when the theatre was doing nothing.

Contact.

 

Is prima smaller?

 

The concept works for club atmosphere but must be relatively expensive on a pp that get to see it basis.

 

 

 

 

 

[The Traveling Man]

11 hours ago, ChiefMateJRK said:

Is there a Cliff's notes version of this?  I have ADD.

Really?  I would have sworn that you are a force MULTIPLIER.

[RNRcruisers]

Love your writing style - very witty and enjoyable. Our last NCL cruise was on the Encore and it was so crowded that it is all I can remember about that cruise. Never again. Sounds like the newer ships are even worse. I will stick with the older ships or different lines.

 

[omahabob]

Sailing on the Viva in March. I pray they will have some of this stuff worked out better by then.

[UKstages]

one can hope, but NCL uses a "tiger team" approach to launching a new ship. and that means that key leadership will move from the prima on to the viva, where they will most likely repeat many of the same mistakes.

 

there are plusses to the tiger team approach, particularly if the team has had great success in its most recent effort. that isn't really the case with the prima, so putting many of the same team members in key decision making and leadership positions on the viva is a curious choice. they will undoubtedly deliver more of what they already have.

[omahabob]

Obviously they can't change the ship. But in light of the numerous complaints about the Prima, it's possible they could change some of those policies you cited. One can only hope. I won't hold my breath though. But hey, I can dream! Just ask my wife.

[RD64]

Thank you for one of the most well balanced, unbiased reviews I have ever read on CC. I hope that you continue to post reviews anytime that you cruise.

[fstuff1]

12 hours ago, omahabob said:

Obviously they can't change the ship. But in light of the numerous complaints about the Prima, it's possible they could change some of those policies you cited. One can only hope. I won't hold my breath though.

But hey, I can dream! Just ask my wife.

Why not change the policies on the prima now instead of waiting for viva??

 

The main thing I want to see is a hostess for Indulge food court and giving everyone beepers like when the mdr is full.

 

So you're dreaming of someone prettier, younger? :)

Edited June 15, 2023 by fstuff1

[CO-SOS]

On for the second half and agree with most everything--they've got some work to do...Overcrowding was really bad.

[golden6911]

I appreciate this review as I am going on the Northern European cruise on the Prima in August so it gives me lots of tips.  I am in a Spa Balcony so I am hoping the Spa gives me some more access to indoor space.  I also think it should be a bit warmer, so I am hoping the outdoors is a little more accessible and comfortable.  Being on deck 16, I will look into taking the slides down whenever possible.  You ate in most of the restaurants I booked and most seem good, so that is encouraging.

 

 

[omahabob]

11 hours ago, fstuff1 said:

Why not change the policies on the prima now instead of waiting for viva??

 

The main thing I want to see is a hostess for Indulge food court and giving everyone beepers like when the mdr is full.

 

So you're dreaming of someone prettier, younger? 🙂

I don't control what they change or when. I just hope they do by the time I cruise.

 

There is no one prettier. And even though she looks a lot younger than me, she's actually four years older. I'm her trophy husband.

[Jonesy333]

I was on this cruise too from NY and I agree with your review in some points . 
Totally agree that Prima is a warm weather destination ship not suitable for Northern Europe. I liked the ship especially the cabins we were in a Club family cabin first cruise which I loved Deck 11 aft and our room steward was lovely . I agree why it’s a special Club cabin I’m not sure one free bag of laundry , chocolate coated strawberries once and a bottle of bubbles doesn’t feel too special to me .
We moved to Deck 16 Spa cabin second cruise but I preferred Deck 11 cabin as the noise in the cabin on 16 was bad it kept me awake creaking , popping noises all the time ship was moving . 
Food in MDR like you said was warm and unremarkable and I loved Indulge Indian food but you had to time it just right to get a seat . I thought there were a lot of inconsiderate people spreading  themselves over a table for four when they could have shared with someone else . 
Didn’t like Onda but loved Paloma and Le Bistro go figure , each to our own 😂. 
i would sail on Prima again but for warmer weather destinations as I liked outdoor areas but I love like my Deck 11 cabin again not a noisy one . 
I loved reading your review you need to write a book 🤔

[dexddd]

First off, if applying for job, request in writing that you won't be an Indulge hostess.  We had them in September.  They were very nice.  But has to be most frustrating job ever walking people through the venue with no seats.  Again and again.

[fstuff1]

18 hours ago, dexddd said:

First off, if applying for job, request in writing that you won't be an Indulge hostess.  We had them in September.  They were very nice.  But has to be most frustrating job ever walking people through the venue with no seats.  Again and again.

wait.. Indulge had a hostess?

whats the point if she didnt have the power of a mdr hostess in restricting access (and handing out beepers) if full?

 

Edited June 17, 2023 by fstuff1

[JerseyCruisers2019]

Thanks for the entertaining and 100% accurate review.  I was on the 11-day sailing from New York to Iceland and agree 100% with your review.   Prima was a one and done for us as well.  Never again.

[nferr]

Thank you for the review.  I usually cruise solo and I have no plans whatsoever to book the Prima. Not what I'm looking for in a cruise ship. Breakaway class for me, or Oasis class on RCL.

[omahabob]

We loved the Getaway. Booked on the Viva in March. But with all these reviews, I'm somewhat apprehensive. We even looked for suitable replacement cruises on other ships, but nothing completely fit the bill.

[Baird70]

I was on the same 21 day B2B transatlantic and largely agree and endorse UKstages' comprehensive review.

A few of additions:

1. Went to the Indulge Food Hall many times (is amongst the best food on the ship) and the tablet ordering system required reset or other staff intervention 3/4 of the time. Really poor IT.

2. Second leg they lost all my restaurant reservations which I had made weeks earlier online. Had to book new as my slots were gone. Not impressed. Apparently this is a known bug in their system.

3. Internet is of course ridiculously overpriced and is complete crap. 

4. Tax free shops are more expensive than tax-included shops on land. Price gouging?

5. We heard 3 or 4 different excuses for the missed Isafjordur call (first leg) all from staff. That means most or all were lying. This includes Dutch Marc the GM who I think is completely dishonest. From memory I think he said they were dredging the port. Fjords are deep. Who ever heard of dredging a fjord?

6. Tiny scallops and also tiny octopus. I was amazed how small the serve of octopus was. And for that money? Specialty dining was generally way too expensive for the mediocre quality.

7. Apology for missed ports wasn't a refund of port tax or anything genuine, instead it was a tacky up-sell with future cruise credits. This I found to be disrespectful and completely lacking class.

8. Queues queues and more queues. The food and entertainment often was not good enough to queue for. Agree about very slow bar service. Not enough bar staff I think.

9. Went to the wine tastings. They were great. Really informative and interesting wines.